Spike Gets Team Fortress 2
"Twilight?"
"What is it Spike?"
"Can you help me get a game on the computer?"
"No Spike!" I'm never using that thing again!"
After Twilight had read that story about herself, she vowed never to use the internet again. She had never read anything so disgusting in her life. Even thinking about it made her flinch. Those horrible images of her and Rarity would never cease to haunt her.
"Pleeeaase Twilight?"
"Ugh, ok Spike. But just this once!"
Twilight pushed Spike off the computer chair. She sat at the chair for a few minutes, staring at the screen.
"Uhm, Twilight?"
Twilight began sweating as she pushed the power button on the computer.
"Are you ok?"
"Yes Spike! I'm fine!"
Spike backed away from the deranged unicorn.
"Ok Spike. What game do you want?"
"I don't know. Find something good."
"Ok."
Twilight typed "Popular computer games" into the search bar. At the top of the list there was a link to a site know as Steam.com. Twilight scrolled through the game list and found a game called Team Fortress 2.
"Hey this one's free. Here I'll get this one."
The game began it's download and Twilight went upstairs to read.
As the download finished, Spike eagerly opened up the game. He signed up and began his battle training as Soldier. It was a bit difficult but the little dragon learned the basic controls and how to play a match with computer.
After playing with computers, Spike thought he was ready. He was ready to join a player server.
He scrolled through the list and picked a random server.
"Ok let's go." he said to himself.
At the character selection screen Spike chose Soldier, since he was the only character he knew how to play.
The match began and Spike rushed into battle. Players began speaking over the mic.
"Hey, SuperSpike11. Do you have a mic?"
The little purple dragon didn't know what to do. How was he supposed to tell the other player he didn't have a mic if he didn't have a mic. So, instead he began pressing random buttons on the keyboard attempting to open a chat window of some kind.
"Medic! Medic! Medic! Medic! Medic! Medic! Medic! Medic! Medic! Medic!"
"Oh my god! Someone kick this fucking spammer."
Spike was booted from the server. He had continuously pressed the "E" key, which was macro-ed for calling a medic.
The baby dragon decided his next move would be to get a mic so he could speak with players over the game.
The next morning Spike prepared to go out. He was planning on helping Rarity, except, she didn't know that yet. As he opened the front door of the library, he looked up at the sky. It was black and cloudy. He noticed rain drops beginning to fall from the sky. After a few seconds, it began to pour. He noticed Pegasi from Cloudsdale flying around attempting to stop the storm.
"Well I won't be going anywhere today."
Spike slumped his head and walked away. As he began to walk upstairs he looked at the computer.
"I might as well."
The little dragon sat at the computer screen. Dumbfounded, he went to get Twilight so she could set up the mic.
"Ok Spike. Follow me."
Twilight went towards the computer and looked at the manual. Being the only living thing that has ever read a computer manual, she found out how to set up the mic. After a few minutes the mic was set up.
"Ok Spike. To talk just hold down the "T" button."
"K. Thanks Twilight."
Spike opened up the game yet again and joined another server.
Again he picked Soldier and ran into battle.
"SuperSpike11! What the hell are you doing?" a player shouted over the mic.
"I'm looking for the control point."
"Oh my god. Are you kidding me!" the player said.
"Dude, how old is this kid?" another player said.
"Too young for this shit. Hey Spike? You listening? This is a fucking Capture the Flag game!"
Spike, being the noob he is, accidentally joined a Capture the Flag server.
"I.. I'm sorry. I'm new." the purple dragon stammered.
"Yea well shut the hell up!"
Spike was kicked from the server again.
"Ok, let me make sure to join a Control Point server this time."
He double checked to make sure he was playing control point this time.
A few minutes into the match, a voice came up on the mic.
"Hey, SuperSpike11. Switch to another character, we have enough soldiers."
Spike didn't know how to switch characters. So he ignored the message and kept playing.
"Did you hear me?"
"I don't know how to switch characters."
The mic went silent. A message appeared on Spike's screen.
"You have been removed from the server."
Poor Spike....
"Ok. Let's try this one more time!"
Spike went on the server list again and clicked on a random server. If only he had stopped to look at the name of the server...
Spike picked Soldier again and saw a little message at the top of the screen. Press , key to switch characters.
"Ok good now I know."
"Hey look we got a new person."
"Hey SuperSpike11!"
These people seemed to be friendly. Hopefully they would be nice enough to teach Spike a few things.
"Hey guys, I'm kinda new here so would it be ok if you taught me a few things?"
"Yea sure no problem buddy."
Spike was thrilled that he wasn't going to be kicked for being new. He played for a few minutes, enjoying this new game, until one of the players spoke up again.
"Ok guys so what were we talking about before?"
"Uhm. I'm not sure. Hey Mike? What pony were we talking about before?"
Spike stopped for a second. He was confused, why would these players be talking about ponies?
"I think Rarity."
Rarity? These players knew about Rarity? Then maybe Spike knew who they actually were, but their voices didn't sound familiar.
"You guys know Rarity?"
"Yea she's like the hottest bitch on the show."
"Nah way man. Everyone knows Fluttershy is 1000x sexier."
Spike's jaw dropped.
"Guys, can we please change the subject?"
"Hey Spike. Which one would you get with?"
"What does that mean?"
"Ugh. Which pony would you ----?"
"That's gross!"
"Yea guys maybe he's not into mares! Maybe he'd get with Big Mac!"
The entire server erupted with laughter.
Spike ran away from the computer and away from the sick perverted players.
Twilight came downstairs and looked at the computer. She couldn't resist. She sat at the chair and began playing, on the same server.
"Hello Spike?"
Twilight opened up the mic.
"Sorry guys Spike had to go but I'm going to play for him."
"Oh that's ok. He wasn't even into mares anyway."
"What do you mean? He's been in love with Rarity since forever."
"Ha I told you Rarity was hotter!"
Twilight felt awkward playing with these guys.
"Hey, this girl sounds familiar. She sounds like Twilight Sparkle."
"Yea she does. Man Twilight is so fucking hot I'd..."
The rest of that sentence should never and will not be heard anyone, except poor Twilight.
The lavender unicorn turned around and got up from the computer. She looked at her flank, and began to shiver. She backed away from the computer screen. Voices could still be heard from the players conversation. Twilight exited the server and looked at the name.
"Clop Server."
