Putting the Fun in Dysfunctional

by Nova Quill

Rating: teen
Tags: Aria Blaze, Adagio Dazzle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sonata Dusk, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 7553

The life and times of the sirens, mostly involving Adagio and Aria scrambling to not let Sonata kill herself. Or them.

A collection of short stories ranging from the random shenanigans of displaced predators from an entirely different land, to familial bonding lessons. Some of them are going to be very short, some a fair bit longer, most of them are going to be standalone.

Rated teen because they are all adults, and there will be swearing. Mostly from Aria. I may end up upping it because I have a hard time imagining Adagio staying PG-13 for very long. Currently set in the human world, but one or two of them may end up going to Equestria proper later. I'll add tags as I need to or am recommended to.

I've never posted any of my writing before anywhere, so please feel free to let me know how to improve. Politely, please dear god politely.

Published 2016-07-12 01:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-01 22:13:31 UTC

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.

"Sonata, I was literally in the other room, you said you were going to make a bowl of cereal, why was the microwave on fire?" Adagio asked incredulously, still clutching the fire extinguisher like a reliquary of a lost god and looking at the melted wreckage of what was once a nicely outfitted and modern kitchen in horrified dismay.

"I decided I wanted soup, but I wanted a lot of it, so I put three cans in the microwave for seven minutes." Came the chipper and utterly oblivious reply, Sonata had since decided that cereal would indeed do and was shoveling in an alarmingly large amount at a pace that would make a golden retriever balk. Adagio was reasonably certain she wasn't even chewing. Like a duck.

"You -" Realizing that her voice was about four octaves too high for polite conversation and that she was about to start shrieking, Adagio did an abrupt about face and headed to the nearest window to air out the smoke. After taking a few cleansing breaths she tried again. "Just to be clear, you put the whole cans in? You didn't even open them and put them in a bowl?" Realizing that she was still holding on to the extinguisher one handed and absently brandishing it like a cudgel, the siren leader carefully put it down lest she decide to test whether or not Sonata's skull was really that dense.

Pausing in her attempts to lick the bowl clean, Sonata looked up suddenly, "Well, no. I was hungry, that would take too long." Cheerfully getting up from the table and tossing the bowl in the sink haphazardly, Sonata skipped out of the kitchen without a care in the world.

The blonde siren staggered over to a seat, staring vacantly into space and trying desperately to make sense of what just happened. Her head made an impressive bang as her face met the solid wood of the slightly blackened table, it felt somehow cathartic. She did it again. Twice. "I need a drink."

I Don't Care

"Hahaha! You fell for it, I build off of your carelessly placed tiles, with the remainder of mine I get oxyphenbutazone! Suck. It!" Aria crowed and danced in her seat. " I am the Scrabble queen! BOW before my linguistic might, peon!" The coffee table in the living room was an uncharacteristic mess with various snacks, drinks and game pieces strewn haphazardly around.

"That can't be a word." Adagio grumbled around her pretzel, absentmindedly flipping through the dictionary at her hip. "There is no way that's a word, much less one that you know."

"It is a word, I looked up all the instant winners online before I challenged you." Was the smug reply. "Apparently it's a drug or something, I don't really care that much." Aria shrugged carelessly and smirked in turn. "And at 1,778 points with that word, that means that I win and you have to do the dishes. Hah!"

"Oh my naive and simple minded follower." Adagio's voice dipped to smoke coated honey, predatory in nature and rife with smug victory. "I don't do dishes, I entrance the local idiots and have them do it for me. Failing that, I simply throw the current ones out and buy more."

Before Aria could sputter about how that wasn't the agreement the front door opened with a crash, a bang and a crunch of yet another trinket or device meeting an unfortunate Sonata-themed end. The blue haired menace herself followed soon after brandishing a box over her head and a manic grin. Before she could kill her momentum, she tripped over and upended the low coffee table and promptly went arse over tea kettle with all the grace, aplomb and dexterity of a wounded water buffalo. The box went for a brief flight before landing relatively gently beside an unfazed Adagio on the couch. Aria was not quite so fortunate, and wound up with a lap full of gangly limbs and an inadvertent headbutt to the nose. Game pieces, chips, dip, pretzels and pop went everywhere. A glob of garlic dip ended up on the ceiling where it remained for years, unnoticed until a baffled Sunset Shimmer had to drag a disproportionately drunk Adagio Dazzle home and had to crash on the couch.

"SON-OF-A-" Aria's shriek was cut off mid way by Sonata's gleeful exclamation.

"Girls! I got a thing!"

"Please tell me you didn't bring home another nearly dead bird." Adagio asked with no small amount of disdain as she lifted the box to check that it didn't bleed over her upholstery. Again. She wasn't surprised when the box shook in her grasp, but she was surprised that there were no fluids leaking out of the bottom. "What-?" The box mewed. Adagio had a horrible feeling that she knew where this was going.

"It's a kitten! We're keeping him!" Sonata burst out, clamoring out of a still irate and huffing Aria's lap and crab walking to Adagio.

"What?"

"I'm gonna name him Zim, and he shall be mine, and I'm gonna feed him bacon, and waffles and burritos and -" Adagio muffled the monologue with one hand while she opened the small box with the other. Bright red eyes stared back at her, surrounded by what appeared to be a black cotton ball. It was hissing. Cotton balls shouldn't be black. Or hiss. It sounded like air being let out of a very small tire. She didn't know why she found it so endearing. Of course, none of this changed the fact that it wasn't staying, but the seething ball of hatred was oddly cute.

Aria rallied from her pain at the mention of 'kitten' with surprising speed and chimed in with a sudden burst of anger. "No. No freaking way. We are not sharing our house with a stupid cat. They're lazy, they're territorial, they're unapologetic assholes, they break crap all the time, and there is no way that that airhead" She punctuated the vehement outburst with a jerk of her arm at an entirely unapologetic but rapidly indignant Sonata.

"Is going to remember to take care of it, you won't" This gesture, no less rude, but certainly more irate, was aimed toward Adagio.

"So that means that it's gonna fall to me to feed the unwanted trollop and clean up cat shit. No! Get it out of here." Her ending point made at a bellow loud enough to rattle the windows, Aria got up and stomped toward her bedroom, muttering curses. Sonata sniffed sullenly and picked the kitten up out of the box. Surprisingly, he didn't resist. Adagio wasn't sure whether to be impressed at its guts or worried at its apparent lack of self preservation instinct.

After taking a sip of her drink, she spoke with surprising gentleness to the youngest member. "She has a point you know. I won't take care of him, and you only just got to the point where you don't nearly burn the house down any time you cook. I personally don't give a damn if he dies, but if you want him, it should and will be up to you to clean up after him and feed him. Plus what ever other crap cats need for maintenance." She murmured with a flippant wave of her hand.

"But-" whatever excuse Sonata was about to blurt out was rapidly gagged by the sharp glance Adagio sent her way before the eldest siren continued on as if it never happened, her voice still calm and quiet, but very, very stern.

"No. No 'buts' here. We look after each other because we're all we have, bringing an outsider in without at least giving us a heads up before hand so we could think about it was reckless. I don't care if he stays, I don't care if you want to keep him outdoors and just leave food out. But you will not foist this on either of us. If you don't think you can, if you have even an inkling of an idea that you will get bored of him in a month, bring him back to wherever you got him now. Because you will not like what Aria or I choose to do if it's left in our hands." Adagio stood up and started to make for the door, then paused at the threshold.

"You can think about it for tonight, but tomorrow I want you to sit down with Aria and hash out what your plan is so that she's not left holding the bag, and neither am I." Once again, the leader of the group paused to take a deep breath before continuing in a kinder tone. "There's some canned salmon in the kitchen, give it to him for tonight and it should tide him over until the morning." Her piece said and point made, the curly haired blonde made her way to her own room to rest and give her charge some time to herself. They'd clean up the mess tomorrow, she suddenly felt very tired.

The kitten had been lulled by Adagio's quiet voice, and had since settled into her lap to begin purring in his sleep. Sonata leaned back into the couch while absently stroking his long, soft fur and did something that she wasn't much accustomed to doing for long periods of time. She thought.

Author's Note

I don't know if this one has been done before, it probably has, but hopefully it's different enough to at least be entertaining.

Also, I've never played scrabble and ergo I have no idea what the rules are, but a quick google search showed this:

OXYPHENBUTAZONE
Definition: An anti-inflammatory medication used to treat arthritis and bursitis.
Conditions: The theoretically highest-possible scoring word under American Scrabble play—as calculated by Dan Stock of Ohio—has never actually been played … and probably never will (unless you’re really, really lucky). That’s because it has to be played across three triple word score squares and build on eight already-played (and perfectly positioned) tiles.
Points: 1,778

In other words, Aria probably cheated. I'm not surprised.

One Step at a Time

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* whoosh CRUNCH.

Five-Fourty Five in the morning, and Aria needed a new alarm clock.

The number of them that she went through was rapidly approaching staggering, and Adagio had long since resorted to buying her ten-dollar-or-less 'throwaways' as she called them. Aria claimed innocence, the purple haired punk couldn't imagine why they kept spontaneously going for flights of fancy across her spacious room, it had to be a conspiracy.

Indulging in a languid stretch as she got out of bed, Aria got ready to go for her morning run. It was a habit she had gotten into when they had first been transported here; thankfully clothed, but nearly incapable of motion, with no food, no money and a pittance of their normal reserves of magic, all three of them had been ... testy. Yes, we'll go with that for the word; there was a more fitting one, but it wasn't nearly as polite.

Aria had started going for walks; then later jogs and runs, to help blow off some of the near constant rage she perpetually lived in. Already largely solitary - not to mention territorial - predators by nature, the three Sirens had been oddities among their own because not only did they band together due to the boost it gave the reach of their powers, they frequently went to not just the surface, but to land in general. The power that weaving malcontent among the surface dwellers gave out was - at the time - extremely tempting and hard to resist. But, after that damned old goat sent them to their current dimension, Aria had a hard time justifying the losses.

While getting into spats with Adagio could certainly be cathartic, it rarely ended in anything but frustration for the middle Siren, her leader could talk circles around a criminal defense attorney. In fact; she had done just that a few times. It made even token attempts at subterfuge laughably useless. So, she ran. Years later, she started taking up various martial arts, but running had always been her go to for blowing off steam.

Gathering her headphones and mp3 player, the petite girl closed her bedroom door and made her way down the hallway leading to the front. She stopped short just in front of Adagio's room and debated knocking to ask if the eldest wanted to come along, before thinking better of it and continuing on her way out the front door without bothering to look in the disaster that had to be the living room and going straight into a sprint once out the front door in an attempt to shrug off her sudden onset of malaise.

Aria knew that Adagio preferred to swim, though she couldn't understand why. The clumsy flailing that these bodies performed paled in comparison to the sleek effortless movements that they had once been capable of in their true forms. The single time that the purple haired siren had gone with her blonde compatriot, the disparity very nearly drove her to tears. She hadn't been to any body of water larger than a bathtub since.

An hour and a half later, the now heavily sweating and elated runner made her way into the kitchen to get some much needed hydration. After chugging her first glass, it wasn't until she was halfway through filling her second at the sink that she felt eight small and sharp claws making their way up her thin jogging pants and headed toward her side. Startled, she glanced down to see two giant red eyes looking up at her. A pitiful mewl emerged from the kitten's throat before Aria realized with a start that the damn thing was probably thirsty. Setting her glass in the sink, she was part way toward getting a bowl when the little heathen shoved its face full into her drinking glass and started merrily lapping away. Still riding her runners' high, she couldn't muster up the irritation to do more than scoff at the cheek of the mewling soot sprite. Aria merely shook her head, left the glass where it was for ready access, decided to get a can of pop instead and headed toward the living room. She figured she might as well get a head start on the clean up her and Adagio were going to have to do because of the mess Sonata caused last night before stopping short at the threshold, gobsmacked.

The place was spotless. The pop stains she was certain last night would have to be steam cleaned were gone, the chips, pretzels and game pieces were in the garbage or safely stowed in their proper places respectively and the garbage had been taken out. Aria stood in surprised awe for a solid minute before she realized with a start that Sonata was still sleeping on the couch, cocooned in a blanket and snoring like a yeti.

Sonata ... cleaned. Sonata cleaned. Sonata. Cleaned. A startled "What the fuck?!" escaped her mouth far more loudly than she intended, followed closely by a frightened yelp and the thud of the youngest Dazzling falling off the couch in her shock, thoroughly entangled in her blanket. Drawn by the noise, the kitten galumphed over to start licking and nibbling on the entrapped Sonata's ears. The sight and sound of her most frequent headache source being tormented by a four ounce ball of fluff broke something in Aria's head. Her suddenly weak legs gave up the ghost as she sat with a muffled thump on the rug, nearly crying in hysterics.

After disentangling herself from the kavorkian scarf that she had previously mistaken for a blanket and pulling her new kitten earring off, Sonata looked over in borderline panic to try to explain to a surely furious Aria why the kitten was still here and why she will absolutely do everything to take care of it and - was she laughing?

It took a few minutes for the lithe Siren to stop howling like a hyena, and once the laughter settled down to giggles and then mild tremors in her shoulders, Aria wiped the tears from her eyes and took a few long, deep breaths to calm herself further. She glanced down to see two bright red eyes looking back at her in interest, and then looked at the youngest Siren with as stern of a gaze as she could muster before speaking.

"I won't clean up cat shit. He's yours, so that's your responsibility, and if it ever gets to the point where I can smell it, I will take him straight to the pound. We clear?" At Sonatas frantic nod, she continued before the blue haired airhead could muster a response. "I won't deal with you feeding him crap food either, if you feed him something he can't digest, he's gonna be barfing everywhere, and I don't want to clean that up. Do your research, find out whatever cat food is actually good for him and only feed him that. Savvy? Good." Aria got up, stretched and started heading back to the kitchen. "We'll take him to the Vet to get shots and get the essentials for care after I have my shower and coffee. Go get dressed, I'll wake up Adagio so she can drive -" before she could finish her sentence, she was bodily tackled from behind by a gleeful and babbling Sonata.

"Thank you so much! I promise I'll take care of him and you'll never smell the litter and I'll do everything right and this is so awesome!" The blue haired menace shrieked in her ear before squealing happily, scooping up a bewildered Zim and running over to Adagio's room to give her the good news. The muffled snarling of a woken up and ergo grumpy Adagio and the gleeful cries of Sonata babbling excitedly that followed shortly after went entirely ignored by Aria as she filled and set the coffee maker before heading for a much needed shower.

Oh yeah, while they were out, she still needed a new alarm clock.

Author's Note

This ran much longer than I meant it to. Does anyone else have their stories run off on them, or am I just way too lenient on my muse?

For reference:

^That's Zim. He's based heavily off of my childhood cat, Vader.
*Edit* Thank you Tatsurou for showing me how to imbed an image! You're awesome.

I Don't Look for Trouble

Author's Note

***PLEASE READ AT LEAST THE TL;DR BEFORE READING THIS CHAPTER AND REAMING ME A NEW ONE BECAUSE IT'S LARGELY NOT COMEDY If you want to just get the sum-up of the chapter, scroll down to just under the bold word 'Two'***

TL;DR version: This chapter has some dark themes, no sex happens, nor will the violence be described in real detail, but intent to rape is mentioned, the sirens are predators and thugs be violent. Oh, and language.

Long version:

This one is very different in tone than the others, the girls figuratively started jumping on my head at four 'o clock last night and reminded me that they were indeed predators whose main source of power was spreading strife. The short is in the third person, but centered around the group of the Siren's victims. They are ... ah, unsavoury. If you would rather not read something with those tones, feel free to skip it, I should have another one out later in the week.

I'm not sure if I should add Dark or Sex tags to the story because of this; there's no graphic violence or sex in this chapter, but the lads absolutely would have raped her had she not been the better predator. Please correct me if I'm wrong and I will adjust accordingly. I don't see myself adding more stories like this one, since it would be just a rinse and repeat and that would be dull.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy!

I Don't Look for Trouble

There's a certain type of person out there that your parents always warn you about. 'You need to avoid that type,' they say. 'It will only bring trouble,' they proclaim. 'You will only get hurt or worse if you're not careful,' they caution. Knuckle Dragger and his crew were; without a doubt, that type. They knew it, they embraced it, they reveled in it, and they thought that since they always traveled as a group, there was generally fuck all out there that could hurt them; and tonight on this balmy, late Mardi Gras evening, they were damn sure that they were going to collectively get lucky. The girl that they chose had no say in the matter, they just hadn't picked her yet.

"Oi, oi! Would'ja look at that fine piece of ass boys! Hot damn you could bounce a quarter offa that!" Motor Mouth crowed to his four fellows, jerking his thumb toward a slight, obviously drunk knockout.

Appreciative whoops and whistles echoed back at the gleeful call as the group slowed to watch the lone, strawberry-blonde girl a little further up the road stagger toward her destination, dressed in leather pants that she had to have been dipped into and a glittering, dark top that barely qualified as a handkerchief; almost backless and only doing the token amount to cover her bosom, it left her midriff completely bare and nothing to the imagination. The stiletto, ankle high boots she was precariously tottering on enhanced her curves, but would certainly make flight impossible should she be startled. In short, she was exactly what they had been on the prowl for since the night began.

A lascivious grin spread across Tearaway's thin lips as he led the group toward their still unsuspecting prey. The lanky twenty-something's dark eyes glittered, chuckling darkly for a moment, he spoke in a low drawl, "Hey guys, did'ja know that five out of six people enjoy a good gang bang?"

"No means yes, yes means anal." Cheerfully rumbled Green Mile, one of the giant bruisers in the back of the gang, eager to get on with the festivities so they could move on to the next. And the one after that.

Finally keying in to the commotion, the girl glanced behind her briefly; a spike of fear flashed across her pale yellow face before she placed a steadying hand on the wall and started trying to hobble a bit faster. This was perfect for the pack, they loved it when the prey tried to run. Knuckle Dragger sped up his pace and cut her off, his meaty hand covering most of her collar and neck as he shoved the petite girl roughly into a nearby alleyway and against the adjoining wall with a mad grin on his face. Leering down and enjoying the view of the surprisingly toned physique in his grip, he looked back up into startled fuchsia eyes.

"What's your hurry pretty lady?" Knuckle Dragger grinned, gap toothed and sadistic, before slowly running his free hand up her side, stopping just under her chest. "The boys and I just want to have a little fun, a body like yours has got to be used to it by now..." he trailed off suddenly as a frown started to form on his face. The girl in his grip was odd. Her body language said fear- she was trembling, her legs were jittery, trying to find better purchase on the slightly damp stone, her hands were trying desperately to remove his from her throat - but her eyes screamed triumph. Her confidence was making him a bit angry, actually.

Why was he hearing a low hum?

"Yeah, yeah, sweetie, we promise that you'll like it. Hell, by the time we're done, you won't ever be able to stop thinking about the good time you had." That was Motor Mouth. The wiry twerp sauntered up to his prize like he owned her; grabbing roughly at her ass and blithely ignoring Dragger's warning growl. His free fist swung in a vicious backhand before he had registered the motion, sending the much smaller and lighter man careening. Motor's head hit the opposing wall with a sickening crack before he slumped - motionless, - to the ground.

Four

A flurry of motion and noise rose up from his remaining compatriots. He was forced to let go of the girl when Green Mile, - the other big guy of the group - slammed a brass knuckled fist into his jaw with a wordless war cry. The others were not quite so taciturn, shouting out a startled "What the fuck man!" and moving to lynch him as a mob.

Was that humming getting louder?

Tearaway gave a pained shout as Knuckle Dragger threw him bodily out into the street by his now broken leg, the meaty bastard had not taken kindly to being stabbed in the thigh. He added insult to injury by throwing a still unconscious Motor Mouth at him immediately after.

Was there a mist rolling in? Why would mist be red?

Three

The two remaining bruisers tag teamed Knuckle Dragger, hoping to beat him into submission so that they could have their fun with the stunned curly-haired cunt standing paralyzed where they left her, swaying from side to side. Green had broken his hand with the brass knuckles, but he was still fighting like a man possessed, and Brigand, while slightly smaller than the other two, was mostly fresh. They figured they still had a shot at it until Dragger pulled Tearaway's knife out of his leg, spraying out a line of warm blood, and started slashing in wide arcs. The blade sank deep into Mile's shoulder, making him reel in pain before Dragger's wild haymaker finished the job.

What the fuck was that song and why was it so loud?!

Two

Brigand gave a feral bellow and charged Dragger in a blind tackle, the both of them tumbled back and forth gouging, biting and swearing as they did their level best to beat the other to death. They had entirely forgotten about the girl still standing in the shadows of the alleyway, enjoying the show. Two more moved in from the street to stand beside their fellow.

Adagio smiled faintly as she was flanked by her sisters, all three faintly singing while the energy coalesced into their pendants. Mmmmm, it was lovely when it got to violence, it always tasted so sweet. The blonde gave a wordless, smug grin to her pig-tailed, purple maned compatriot who scoffed.

"Fine Adagio, you were right. We can get a lot more energy out of thugs." Aria begrudgingly admitted. Adagio's grin only widened before she purred in self satisfied glee.

"It's wonderful, they are so very prone to violence and no one really cares when they take themselves out." She snickered.

None

The last of the energy siphoned quickly into their pendants when the source of their feed cut off. Sonata giggled and bounced happily on her heals before she gasped and burst out. "Can we hit up a Denny's next? I really want pancakes!"

When the blue haired Siren's query was met with nothing but blank looks, she pouted and squeaked "What? They're good!"

Adagio quickly evened out her face to neutral before replying "Yeah, I could go for pancakes, let's hit the one on the southwest, there is a herd of bikers passing through, and we might be able to get some more energy." When she cast a questioning gaze to Aria, the purple haired Siren rolled her eyes and turned on her heel to head to the car.

"Waffles are better."

Cold as Ice

Beds are a glorious thing, especially during winter. The elements can bluster and groan and wail all they bloody want, but it means precisely bugger all to the person wrapped snuggly in a blanket on a soft, comfy bed. Adagio had no plans to leave hers and fully intended to ignore the world until the next day when she and her sisters were to get on a plane to Fiji, where she could happily bake in the hot sun and drink rum and tequila until she had to be poured into her bed at the hotel. Until then, she was a blanket burrito filled with barely suppressed disdain. Unfortunately for the blonde leader, there was one teensy, weensy, bit-ever-so-crucial, little, tiny detail that wanted her out of her warm cocoon.

Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, she was an expert at ignoring nuisances. Problem is, Sonata was nearly impossible to ignore. Especially when excited.

“Come on ‘Dagi! Get up! I wanna build a snowman, there’s fresh snow on the ground.” Sonata was jumping from the bed, to the small couch in the corner, and back again like a Jack Russel Terrier pumped full of methamphetamine. Adagio gave it another three passes before she slipped and went head first into the dresser or something.

“Sonata, I swear to the depths if you do not fuck off and let me stay in my warm bed I will rip off your head and shit down your neck,” Snarled the disdain burrito while curling into a tighter ball to better block out her roommate. “I hate the cold. Get Aria to help you, she’s better at that artsy crap anyway.”

Sonata responded to these statements by blowing a raspberry and rolling her eyes. Problem with doing something like that mid-jump is she very nearly bit her tongue off doing so, but getting her point across was more important than minor details. She settled for sitting down cross-legged by Adagio’s hip. It was easier to poke her this way anyhow. Her face spread slowly into a Cheshire grin at an idea. “Seriously, you usually swim like, every day. You haven’t gone outside since the first snowfall, and that was weeks ago. You’re gonna get ~fat~.” The last sentence ended in a lilting tone that, were Adagio not a fellow siren, probably would have incited a riot. As it was, it merely poked the tiger. With a taser.

“Excuse me?!” Poking her head out of the blanket at a roar, Adagio snarled and attempted to strangle her youngest sibling. Part of the problem with still being entangled in the blanket however, was the ferocity of her lunge mostly warped into going for a tumble off her own bed. “Go outside, Sonata, if you are still in my room before I disengage from this blanket and get dressed, I am going to hurt you.” The voice may have been muffled by the carpet she was face first in, but the intent was anything but.

“So you’re gonna go outside?” Sonata’s peppy tone was utterly oblivious to the quiet menace emanating from her compatriot.

“If only to shove you in a snow bank, yes.” Hissed Adagio.

The youngest sibling gave out a happy squeal and skipped out of the room whistling a jaunty tune. “See you outside ‘Dagi! Really, it’s a gorgeous day out, it’ll do you good.”

Adagio seriously considered letting Sonata stay outside, in the cold, waiting for her to come out. But, she would never hear an end to the whining if she left the blue haired puppy frolic alone. Well, that and it was a miracle that there wasn’t a fire started already, the eldest siren didn’t want to push her luck. Last winter, Sonata had "found a huuuge blue box stuffed full of a bunch of paper and other kindling at the end of the road." It was promptly turned into a fire pit. The police and postal service were furious. Fortunately, they had no evidence to implicate them. Well, not for long anyway.

(╯°□°）╯彡┻━┻

“Ugh, Sonata this is the fourth stupid snowman we’ve built since Adagio dragged me out to suffer with her. How many more of these do you want?” It takes real talent to be effectively snarky while wrapped in a bright pink, fluffy scarf that made her look like she had skinned a particularly effervescent rabbit, but Aria was pulling it off with surprising aplomb. And anger. Mostly anger. The mid-morning sun was bouncing off the snow, and the glare was giving her a killer headache.

“We need an army.” Came the utterly serious reply. Sonata’s blue ponytail was poking out of a hole that she had cut into her toque, and was whipping around fervently as she somehow managed to dance while pushing around a snowball slightly smaller in diameter than her entire body.

Adagio gave the blue haired siren a sideways glance chocked full of disbelief. “Why on Earth would we need an army of snowmen?”

“To battle the snow sharks!” Sonata’s peppy reply was partially drowned out by Aria’s responding groan of disgust. The ensuing argument was ignored by the eldest siren when her phone started going off in her pocket, a quick glance confirmed that the number was from the airline service they were flying out with the next day, and Adagio didn’t want to risk the chance of delays. Fiji was calling to her with promises of muscled men, surfing and all of the alcohol she could drink.

The blonde siren’s already dour mood took a plummet toward apoplectic when she found out that the airline had overbooked and were trying to convince some people to take the next flight out two days later at a highly reduced fee. Adagio was having none of that, but what should have been a short, ‘proper prior planning prevents piss poor performance guys, get your shit together.’ Turned into a forty-five minute dredge where they tried to convince her and her sisters to give up their seats for someone else. Evidently, the only reason she was called at all was because everyone else on their list had already declined and were working their way through the last remaining seats on the plane. By the time the poor worker finally gave up, Adagio was ready to commit murder, she had just hit the ‘end call’ button with more force than was strictly necessary when a snowball roughly the size of her torso was slammed onto her head and sent her face first into the cold, snow packed ground with Sonata’s gleeful cackling ringing in her ears.

Apparently there was going to be a free seat. She would have to let that attendant know, because she was going to murder her sibling. Springing to her feet with surprising dexterity, Adagio lunged at her suddenly terrified blue-haired compatriot with a ferocity that would make a wolverine say ‘not worth the effort man, I’m out.’

（╬ಠ益ಠ)

Timely Manner was tired. It had been a long day at the office, and the moment he had stepped in the door of his house, his wife had handed him the leash of their exuberant dog with the quip, “Well, you’re already dressed for the cold, and Balthazaar needs to go out.” So he set out once again into the cold winter night with the pup happily bouncing at his heels.

Perhaps a half hour later, Timely was completely numb from the cold, and was just thinking about turning around when he noticed … were those legs? Why were they sticking out of a giant snowman?

Deciding to ask questions later, Timely tied his dog off at the nearby fence, and did his best to unearth the poor soul from their snowy prison, fully intending to question them about how such a thing happened and whether they needed medical attention.

“AIR! SWEET AIR!” Screamed a recently unearthed Sonata. She was looking a little bit more blue than normal. Timely wasn’t sure if it was due to asphyxiation or hypothermia. Either way it couldn’t be good news.

“Oh, it’s you, I don’t know why I expected anyone else. Well, have a nice evening miss, I hope you and your frightening sisters have a happy holidays.” Deciding to eschew his previous questions lest he get tricked into committing a felony, Timely babbled his quick farewell to the still gasping Sonata, untied his dog and started to make his way back home at a brisk pace. He had to remind himself twice not to run before he turned the corner. Never run. It attracts their attention. Timely made a quick mental note to ask his wife if there was any chance that they could get the neighbours together to start up a Homeowners Association. Surely having those three had to bring down the property value of the neighbourhood.

Author's Note

... So remember how I said this would be out 'later in the week' about two months ago... oops. :facehoof:

Sonata's ending line was rather shamelessly ripped off from Hyzaku's Apprentice Ship mostly because... I could not think of anything more appropriate that she would say.

I have no editor, so if anyone sees any mistakes or weird phrasing, please let me know and I'll do my best to fix it.

Cheers!

Boys and Girls of Ev-er-y Age

The house in front of the kids was relatively small, but none of them had ever seen something quite so imposing. There weren’t any fog machines visible, but the place was enshrouded in an eerie mist that seemed to tingle up their spine any time they started to move through it. There appeared to be small; almost child-sized handprints and drag mark - like streaks leading toward the road in what looked like a great hurry from the house made of some dark substance, long dry now. More worrying was that it looked like something had seized the poor soul by the legs and dragged them off the path and onto the lawn. From there, the drag marks transitioned into deep, desperate gouges that marked up the soft earth leading up to the full plot on the far left before the dark stain got much larger, and then disappeared altogether. There were four burial plots total - two covered in fresh earth, two empty. The dark mahogany, silk lined, very real looking coffins were lined up with the open and remaining holes and leaning against the house. One fully opened, the other closed. There was a simple sign that sat in front of them staked into the flower bed, it was marked in elegant script that read:

Open for tenure to those who would dare trespass.

If that all wasn’t enough, there was a faint melody playing that simultaneously filled all five of them with dread and beckoned them closer.

“I don’t know about this place Pip, it’s pretty creepy; I don’t think I want to know what they have for loot.” The small, red-haired girl's typical lisp was overshadowed by the stammer of fear. She was dressed in a dapper purple tux with a ruffled cream Ascot and brown top hat, and looked for all the world like she was ready to bolt at any moment.

“These ladies just moved in here about two years ago, last year their place was almost as creepy, but they give out full candy bars, full bags of chips, and cans of pop!” Defended Pip, dressed in his customary pirates’ outfit. This year he had a peg leg, eyepatch and appeared to have been promoted since last year from Captain up to Commodore. The hat had a very nice feather in it. “The coffins are new” His voice trailed down to a whimper.

“Are they nice?” Squeaked Sweetie. The petite singer had decided to go as Belle from Beauty and the Beast this year. Partially due to her older sister's unfortunate run in with a well to do young man who quote: "Held such promise, so unfortunate that he was such a fiend. Oh, why aren't there any real princes out there!" Rarity had then spent the next day and a half binge watching the various prince-themed Disney films and wailing into her ice-cream bucket. The fashionista then decided that her little sister deserved to be a princess, regardless of Sweetie's own wishes. She had wanted to be a lion.

“Not really. They’re kind of insane.”

“Who cares if they’re nice if they give out loot like that?! Come on ya ninnies; it’s just some silly decorations.” Scootaloo bellowed. The tough act fooled exactly no one, considering how badly she was shaking. The girl’s purple hair had been temporarily dyed green, and she was wearing a pair of white coveralls over a brown turtleneck sweater.

“Scoots is right, ah don’ wanna pass down loot like that jus’ because of a few decorations. For all we know, they jus’ really like Halloween!” Since Sweetie had wanted to go as the Beauty, she had bribed Apple Bloom into going as the Beast with promises of a quarter of her candy. Bloom’s pick. Visions of double full sized candy bars and pop made the normally level-headed girl think with her stomach. It was a rare occasion indeed where she didn’t get sweets with an apple attached to them.

Decision made, the group huddled together in close quarters and made their way up the short walkway. Steadfastly ignoring Sweetie Bell’s mutter of “For all we know, the reason they like Halloween so much is ‘cause people ignore the screams more.”

They noticed that as they got closer to the house, that eerie song got louder, and had double the effect. By the time that they reached the door, it took three tries for Pip to be able to knock loud enough to be heard. They all mewled out squeaky “Trick or Treat”s as the door slowly creaked open.

There was no one there, just an inky darkness, just as Pip was going to call out again, a husky voice started chanting. The white mist around them changed to a deadly, malicious green.

“Twist the bones and bend the back.”

Two voices joined in with a nonsense rhythm in counterpoint. “Itch-it-a-cop-it-a, Mel-a-ka-mys-tic-a.”

“Trim them of their baby fat,”

“Itch-it-a-cop-it-a, Mel-a-ka-mys-tic-a.”

Oh god, the lot of them realized, the other two voices weren’t in the house, they were outside. Right. Behind. Them!

“Give them fur, black as black.”

“Just” This voice, different from the first, lighter. The children realized with mounting dread it was the voice that sang the first tune that drew them closer.

“Like” A darker, more rough voice joined in with the first two. Promising malice.

“This” All three, in harmony, and ending in a hiss, before the biggest black cat that any of the intrepid candy hunters had ever seen leapt out of the darkness and hissed at them. His red eyes nearly glowing with malice. Those fangs looked very, very sharp.

The lot screamed, dropped their bags of candy and ran for their lives. Pushed to move faster by the insane cackling of the residents.

“Zim, you did that perfectly! Who’s my good demon kitty?” Sonata squealed, and swooped to pick up the now purring and thoroughly pleased with himself cat. Her long hair was, for once down and cascading around her shoulders in very loose curls, and she was dressed in a light pink, the low cut bodiced dress that got darker toward the skirt. “I love this holiday! So much candy.”

“The food we can get from all the fear isn’t half bad either.” Purred Adagio, her garnet coloured eyes shining with sadistic triumph as she came out of the darkness of the house. She absentmindedly reached out to give Zim a friendly scratch under the chin and around the ears with her long, sharp and well-manicured nails for his part in the play. The Siren leader was dressed in a form-fitting, high cut hunters’ green dress. Her great blonde mane had been wrangled into an upward curled bouffant by Aria, but a few errant strands fell around her neck and chest in defiant curls.

Aria sauntered out of her hiding place in one of the coffins with a grin; her lovely blood red dress was entirely overshadowed by the up-do that she somehow managed to wrangle her hair into- something reminiscent of a witches hat made of a rats' nest. “Maybe next year we should just go all out and make a real haunted house. I bet that way we could get a real meal out of the chumps in this world. I don’t know about you, but I don’t find these scraps filling at all.”

Adagio gave an oddly tender smile toward her sister. “Hm, maybe. This is, after all, our favourite night.”

Author's Note

Happy Day of the Dead all. And Happy (late) Samhain and All Hallows Eve / Halloween.

(1)Willy Wonka seemed fitting for Twist.

Yes, the girls were indeed dressed as the Sanderson sisters from Hocus Pocus. It’s one of my all time favourite Halloween movies, I watched it every year with my sister growing up, and I watch it every year now as a form of solidarity. I thought it was fitting. Seriously, the personalities are very similar.

***EDIT*** I made the idiotic mistake of hitting publish before the read through. Sorry guys! Made a few changes.