I Think I Summoned a Ponk.

by TheMajorTechie

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Discord, Slice of Life
Length: 18152

What do I do now?! I just woke up, and all of a sudden, there's a freaky pink pony in my house! Seriously, please tell me I've gone insane... and the world just ended, too.

It's been only a few hours after I found Pinkie Pie wandering about my house, and she's pretty crazy. Then there's this whole "Lord of Chaos messing with me" stuff...

...and I have absolutely no idea what to do.

pls halp... pls.

I can help!

...come quickly, too...

Part of a series in which I write insane stories featuring the mane six.

August 17, 2016:
OH MAH F*** I GOT FEATURED!

Thanks to everyone who's ever read this. :twilightsmile:

I didn't even edit this thing!

Aww, that was only like, two hours of being featured... :facehoof:

Published 2016-07-13 21:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-02-22 01:08:35 UTC

Keep Calm and Freak Out

I woke up with a heave as I felt a heavy object land on my chest. I immediately snapped my eyes open, ready to attack whatever it was that had hit me.

But that's when I realized: There wasn't anything there, besides a strange tuft of pink hair.

Reaching out, I gently stroked the incredibly springy tuft, when it suddenly shifted under my fingers.

"GAAH!" I shrieked.

Standing at about half my height, was some sort of pony. And it was definitely not the sort you'd find on a farm or at some carnival. Especially considering it's coloration, and the fact that it's mane is so--

"Hi there, I'm Pinkie Pie!"

I screamed again as my hand smacked the seemingly female pony to the side.

"Get away from me, you... you-- thing!"

The pony, Pinkie Pie, as she called herself, put a hoof over my hand. "There's nothing to be afraid of."

My brain, already backed up for the past week, went into immediate overdrive upon my realization that the pony had been talking to me. Talking.

What happened next immediately threw me into a complete and utter stupor.

The pony somehow pulled a cannon, a frickin' cannon from her mane. I have no idea how that thing fit, but for that moment, I thought I was gonna die.

"NO!" I shouted, kicking the cannon with the leg draping over my bed, "I will not die from a pony-cannon!"

The pony rushed after the incredibly light cannon, chasing it out my bedroom door.

The moment she was gone, I slammed the door behind her, and made sure to block every possible way back in. When I turned around, I saw her. Again.

"Whyddya throw me out? I just wanna be your friend!"

Ok. So apparently, not only am I dealing with a pink, fluffy, talking pony with a cannon, but I'm dealing with said pony with teleportation abilities. I was already tired of this, tired of the world. Finally, I let my guard down, though with high caution.

"What... do... you... want?" I asked slowly, suspiciously eyeing the pony.

The pony took me by surprise -again-, when she hit me with a literal tsunami of machine-gun talking.

"JustthenightbeforeyoudreamtthatyouweretakenintotheworldofyourdreamsandLunadecidedtodreamwalkinadifferentuniversesoshewatchedyouandwhenshedidshetoldmeandsuddenlyIjustwentPOOFandIfoundmyselfhere."

I silently screamed, but in reality, I simply said, "What?"

Taking a deep breath, the pony slowly said, "I think you summoned me."

My mouth immediately dropped to the ground. Somehow, in whatever mind-bogglingly impossible way, I had pulled a sentient being into this universe. And not only that, it was one that had perfect understanding of English, and by the looks of it, seemed to be some sort of pony.

I couldn't believe it. I had accidentally proved the Multiverse Theory.

Turning back to the pony, I quickly asked, "What was it like being summoned here? Do you know how I did it? How did you feel when you first arrived?"

The pony held up both her hooves, as if she was trying to tell me to slow down. "Woah woah woah, mister," she began, "slow down."

Huh. and she was the one to talk fast.

"So," she continued, "Being brought here was just kinda like a 'pop!' out of existence there, and a 'woosh!' into existence here. Got it?"

I nodded, furiously jotting down every word she said on a napkin.

"And second of all, I think the way you did it was just extremely wishful thinking, to the point in which you somehow pulled me through."

I paused as I let that sink in. What wishful thinking? All my hopes and dreams... they've either already been fulfilled, or fruitlessly tossed aside, never to be remembered again...

The pony continued her speaking. "Well, if you're saying that your hopes and dreams are pretty much done and gone, then it must be something that you're inner-inner conscience is trying to tell you. Say, maybe that you need a bit more joy in your life.

Ok then... apparently she can also read minds. I wonder what everyone's gonna think of me when I run in shouting things about a pink female pony proving the Multiverse's existence...

"Eh, they'd probably look at you weird."

Aaaaannnnd my point has been proven.

I glanced back towards the pony. "So..." I began, "What was your name again?"

The pony looked back up at me. "Pinkamena Diane Pie."

Wow. Pinkamena has a long name.

"But you can just call me Pinkie."

"Ok, Pinkie," I said, "so what are you gonna do?"

Pinkie shrugged. "Idunno, hang around 'till you're truly happy?"

"Hey, I am happy."

"Doesn't look like it."

I fell back onto my bed. "Well, how long are you gonna stay here?"

Once again, Pinkie shrugged.

Sighing, I finally decided to get my butt off the sheets, and get my morning started. Only, the moment I opened the door, I found myself drowning in confetti.

"WHAT THE F***?!"

Pinkie bounced over to my side. Bounced. On four hooves. "Oh, I decided to throw a little party for myself to feel more welcome."

I grunted my reply as I trudged through the waist-high ocean of confetti.

"Where'd you even get this much confetti?" I asked.

Pinkie happily chirped, "Me, of course!"

Huh. As I suspected. I wonder what else she's hiding.

A few minutes of wading later, we found ourselves in the kitchen. I couldn't open the bathroom door to brush my teeth or anything, seeing that the door swings out, so it was pretty much barricaded by the confetti.

I turned to face Pinkie, of whom, as I thought before, stood about waist-high to me.

"What do you like to eat?" I asked.

Pinkie waved a hoof. "Anything, really. I ate rocks back at home."

Wow. Not only is she incredibly random, but she's apparently got like, super strength or something. 'Cause seriously, she literally just said that she used to eat rocks.

Author's Note

One story down, a lot more to go! You'll (hopefully) be seeing some more chapters for this sometime soon. (By soon, I mean like a month. I'm VERY busy.)

How To Care for a Ponk - Food and Activities

Author's Note

F***

Gotcha. :pinkiehappy:

I changed the swear words to keep the E rating. :scootangel:

How To Care for a Ponk - Food and Activities

I've been watching Pinkie eat for like an hour now, and all this time, I've just been wondering, "HOW THE F*** DOES SHE CONSUME SO MUCH SUGAR?!"

But I guess that the ability to eat rocks comes with being able to stomach pretty much anything else, too. With that, I still wonder how she's not horridly obese.

Aaaaaannnnnd she's finished my last bag of sugar. Darnit, those were for my mom. I wonder how she'll react to Pinkie?

After Pinkie had finished her brutal assault on my pantry, she simply bounced over to me like as if she hadn't gained any weight at all. Seriously, how does she do that???

"So, do ya wanna have some fffffuunnnnn?"

If there's anything I know about random girls showing up at your home covered in nothing but fur, I'd have to say that I'm afraid for what's to come. Naturally, I nervously asked, "W-what sort of fun?"

"Well... I kinda want to... y'know, go to your room to fff---"

Pleasedon'tsayitpleasedon'tsayitpleasedon'tsayit...

"---ind something fun to do!"

Oh. Good. Wait...

"Pinkie, what do you mean by that?"

Pinkie trotted to my room, me following in pursuit. The moment she burst into my room, she shot a hoof at my laptop.

"THE INTERNET!!!"

So, apparently, there's also internet where she came from. I'm fine with that.

"Yeah, back in Equestria, there was this portal thingy Princess Twilight would use to travel to another universe that also had humans in it."

Once again, my mind's blown. So far, Pinkie's showed me, or told me, that she's a, talking freakin' pony, a party girl who has the ability to store anything in her hair, and rock eater. And now, she's pretty much just told me that there's a Princess from her world who seems to be a portal master. She also breaks physics.

"Well," she continued, "not so much portal master as super-geek and Princess of Friendship."

Aaaannnnd now this "Princess Twilight" lady she's talking about now seems like something out of a sci-fi show made for little girls. What a world to live in.

"Y'know, if you'd like, I could probably take you to Equestria instead of telling you about it."

I shook my head. "Nope, not gonna go to your crazy pony world."

Pinkie's ears drooped. Apparently, ponies have a similar emotional mindset to dogs. Who knew?

"No." I said as I stared down the pony, "Your puppy eyes have no power against me."

I watched as she slumped down onto the floor. By now, a bystander would probably have asked why I had a big pink stain on my floor. 'Cause that's exactly what it looks like right now.

"Get up."

Pinkie immediately sprung back up from the floor, so quickly, in fact, that now I'm wondering if she even has bones.

"Eh, I do. Ponies are just very flexible."

Oh yeah... I forgot she can read minds...

I felt Pinkie's breath on my shoulder as she leaned in close to me.

"What was that you just thought?"

"Nothing!" I said, putting on my best pseudo-poker face.

The mare kept an eye towards me as she tapped out a string of letters on the screen.

WAIT A SEC... She's got hooves. HOW THE FRICK DOES SHE EVEN TYPE?!

Pinkie spun the chair to face me. She proceeded to stick one hoof in her mouth, and from the looks of it, blow real hard on it.

To my utter horror/surprise, her free hoof suddenly sprouted cartoonishly stubby fingers. So yeah. I'm now living with a crazy freak of physics and nature that can create entirely new body parts just by blowing hard.

"I heard that."

And this mind reading is getting annoying.

Pinkie had already gotten back to searching for whatever it was she was searching for. When I looked on the screen to see what it was she was typing, it became blatantly obvious why she had done it.

Obviously, a trampoline room filled with inflatable slides just makes sense for something filled with so much energy. So with food and activities taken care of, I'm pretty sure that Pinkie here'll be occupied for a while.

I'll just have to hope that she'll eventually run out of energy though. I don't think I can stand having a hyperactive pony live with me for more than a few days.

"I heard that... again."

Ugh.

Dealing With the Flipside

Shorter chapter this time. I'm moving in about a week, so I'm pretty busy.

One and a half days down, many more to go... I don't think I should be counting these days, should I?

Pinkie swiveled her head over to face me. "Nope!"

"Of course you would reply, Pinkie."

The mare simply smiled even wider.

At least she doesn't seem bored anymore. She's been on that computer for several hours now, mainly on Youtube.

"I really like the let's plays!"

I strolled over to the screen to take a look at exactly what let's play she was talking about. There's quite a few out there, considering the near-infinite number of possible games to do let's plays on.

SCREEEEEEEE!!!

"Gah!"

I jumped back in surprise. "Pinkie, you like Five Nights at Freddy's?!"

Pinkie nodded, her eyes glued to the screen. It was almost as if she was trying to... memorize the character movements.

I waved my hand in front of Pinkie, who simply dodged every movement, determined to keep her eyes on the screen in every way possible. If she goes blind from watching to closely, she'll only have herself to blame.

"Aw, you're silly. I'll never go blind, Anon."

"Wait..." I turned to face Pinkie. "How do you know my name?"

Startlingly, Pinkie's hair began deflating, losing a large majority of it's color in the process.

"Pinkamena... knows... everything..."

Ooookay... Not only is Pinkie a freaky party pony, a universal physics breaker, and a bunch of other stuff, but from the looks of it right now, she seems to also be a mass-murderer.

"So, uh... Pinkamena, what do you want to do now?"

Shooting a piercing stare at me, she roared, "I COMMAND THEE TO SUMMON THE DEMONS OF TARTARUS BELOW, UNLEASH THEM UPON YOUR WORLD!!! LET THE BLOOD RAIN DOWN FROM THE HEAVENS ABOVE!!!"

She followed up with several minutes of loud cackling, which began to finally devolve into quiet giggles. Soon enough, her hair suddenly just... *poofed* back up, like as if nothing ever happened.

What the f*** did I just see?

Author's Note

Not to bash on FNaF or anything, I just thought it would be fitting for Pinkamena. :pinkiecrazy:

Also, gotcha again! :pinkiecrazy:

'Cause She'll Get You Into Detention as she Parties.

As I strolled through the halls to my homeroom, I tried my best to stay out of earshot, 'cause with Pinkie and all in my backpack... yeah, things would probably go downhill.

"Like rolling in barrels!"

Just... stop it.

"Stop what?"

Being so... perky.

"BUT THAT'S WHO I AM!!!"

Wait, wait--

Pinkie immediately began singing.

Recommended Listening:
[youtube=sENM2wA_FTg]

I should've expected that.

A few heads turned my way as I reached the classroom. I tried my best to keep a straight face, even with the giggling backpack under my desk.

"Hey kid, what's with your 'pack?"

I turned to see who said that. Immediately, I saw the person behind me poking my backpack, earning ticklish pony sounds in return.

I froze as I began running through possible replies.

"Um... it's... just... a toy!"

They raised an eyebrow.

"A toy?"

Pinkie squealed in delight inside my backpack.

"I like toys! Especially my party cannon!"

Oh crap.

Suddenly, the freakin' party cannon burst from my backpack in a flurry of paper, complete with Pinkie at the trigger.

That definitely got the class' attention quickly. Even the teacher stopped what he was doing to see what happened.

As always though, timing worked out horribly. The second his eyes met Pinkie's, he was blasted point-blank with a barrage of ribbons and confetti.

Long story short, detention. For the rest of the day.

And up until now, I had been pretty much the shining example of a perfect student, too.

Not only that, but apparently, the class is like, 75% bronies and pegasisters, too. Immediate "d'aww"-ing ensued when Pinkie burst out. As I sit in the detention room, I can already tell by the noise level alone that Pinkie threw a party in the class, and judging from the loud explosions, my crazy pyromaniac science teacher got in on it too.

Author's Note

Before you ask, yes, my science teacher in real life was a prankster. He'd sprinkle the floor with pressure-activated explosives, so every time someone stepped into the room, it would sound like someone popped a paper bag or something. :derpytongue2:

After-School Shenanigans

Welp. School life's ruined for me, too.

Now that my perfect record's been destroyed by Pinkie, I'll have to try my best to get back on the good side of my teachers. IF you ask me, the best way to have a decent day at school is to make sure that your teachers like you in their class. Not star-student sort of stuff, but at the least, acceptable.

"Like a week-old cupcake! It's gonna be stale, but it's acceptable!!!"

"Stop it... just... stop, Pinkie."

Pinkie immediately switched to her full-force puppy eyes. If you were here right now, you'd likely have a hole in your skull.

"Fine, Pinkie. Forget about what I said there."

"Okay!"

Pinkie bounced out the room, on a quest to some unknown land to claim her treasure.

"Oh, silly you. I'm just grabbing some crackers!"

Can you please get out of my head, at least for a day?

From the kitchen, she called back, "Ok!"

Now... what was I about to do again?

"You were about to--"

"No. Pinkie, stop the mind reading."

Pinkie re-entered my room, huffing as she flopped her bottom onto my bed with a box of crackers. "As I was saying," she continued, "you were just about to start on a book report."

Huh, that was actually helpful for once.

"For once?"

"Pinkie..."

Pinkie threw half the box of crackers into her mouth, the crunching echoing about the room.

"Hey Pinkie," I began, "I'm just wondering... how do you survive on eating only sweets every day?"

Pinkie giggled. "I don't!"

I raised an eyebrow. "You... don't?"

"Nope!"

"Then what do you eat to stay alive?"

"Nothing!"

I sighed. "So, you're saying that the sweets have no affect on you or your health, and you just magically get your nutrition from nowhere??

"Pretty much."

"But how?!"

Pinkie shrugged. "It's magic, I don't need to explain crap to you."

"Well, look who's a grumpy little pony?"

Pinkie snapped around to glare in my eyes.

"You ya callin' little, mister?"

"Uh... yes?"

Just as before, Pinkie's mane just suddenly began to deflate, her coat turning grayer by the second. It's like the real-world version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but stuffed into the size of a tiny horse...

"Oh... you take that back... before you suffer the... consequences..."

Ooh boy. I'm sure in for it now.

Author's Note

The Strange Nature of the Way of Ponk

Author's Note

I originally planned to have a rapid-release schedule for my fics, but now that I've finished moving and all, I can actually do it!

The Strange Nature of the Way of Ponk

I inched back as Pinkie, or Pinkamena, as she calls herself now, backed me up against the wall.

"I said, TAKE IT BACK!"

I shuddered at her words.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry. Could you please forgive me?"

Pinkamena stopped her advance in thought, before she replied, "Pinkie promise?"

I rolled my eyes as I stated the words of the promise. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

"SAY IT WITH MEANING!"

"CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO FLY, STICK A CUPCAKE IN MY EYE!"

Just like the last time, her mane just *poofed* back into it's original curliness, and her grayed coat's color seeped back into place.

"Ok, Anon, what should we do next?"

I thought for a moment. Finally, I replied, "Idunno."

Out from the hammerspace, Pinkie pulled a large mallet.

"How 'bout whack-a-mole? You've got quite a few in your yard!"

I internally puked at the thought of crushing live moles in my yard, splattering the neatly trimmed grass.

"I'm just gonna go ahead and say that you said yes."

"Nope!" I yelled, hopping to the door, "Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope!"

Pinkie bounced along behind me, still wielding the mallet.

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, Pinkie freezing in place inches behind me.

"I do not want to whack several hundred moles, okay?"

Pinkie shoved the mallet back into my wall, disappearing without a trace.

"Fine, then what do you wanna play?"

"First off," I began fiercely, "I've got schoolwork to do." I held up my phone as I continued, "Second of all, there's something called 'mobile games', remember?"

Pinkie's eyes brightened. "Oh, oh! Like FNaF! I love those animatronics! Their so cute!!"

"Please don't say that again, Pinkie."

Pinkie twisted her head backwards to face me again.

"Wwwwhhhhyyyyy?"

I jumped back in surprise and disgust. "Pinkie!" I shouted, "Please don't ever do that again!"

Pinkie's head twisted back into it's normal position.

Also, remind me to use some mind-bleach for that. I don't think I can unsee it.

Suddenly, Pinkie popped up with a strange white bottle.

"Here's the mind-bleach you asked for!"

I shook my head. "Pinkie, I meant mind-bleach metaphorically, like as in, I want to forget that moment with your head backwards."

Pinkie giggled. "Well why didn't you say so???"

"'Cause I didn't expect that that was a real thing."

"Of course it isn't, silly! Or, at least, not in this dimension... it only exists in the chaos dimension!"

Discord paced about his giant potato van. "Where is my mind bleach?!"

Ponk = Chaos

Discord continued searching about the chaos dimension for his mind-bleach. Not only was it the only bottle in existence, but it was also the key ingredient in his favorite smoothie. Of which contained the essence of mucus, wood scrapings from an old cherry tree, a dash of salt, cyanide, and of course, the mind-bleach.

He had been craving the smoothie earlier in the day, but now, the one ingredient he needed was missing. Huffing out a sigh, he disappeared through a portal, intent on tracking it down.

I wonder what Pinkie's up to right now... she's been on my computer for the past hour, and not only that, but she's locked the door. So unless I can get my quadcopter or something to fly through the window, I won't have any idea what she's doing. Except my quadcopter's in my room, so... yeah.

Just as I was about to sit down and watch some TV, this strange portal-like thing burst open. And from it came this weird goat-headed winged snakelion thingy.

I had already gotten used to seeing the unusual because of Pinkie, but this was unusual taken to a whole new level.

Placing my bets that whatever that thing is was intelligent, I stammered, "H-hi? Who are you?"

The thing comedically raised an eyebrow. "You don't recognize the Lord of Chaos when you see him?"

"Wait... there's a sentient entity behind chaos itself?"

Facepalming with a lion's paw, the thing replied, "Well, duh there's one. Why do you think there's the so-called 'organized chaos'?"

"Oh."

Suddenly, Discord's left eye twitched in a way that seemed like as if it was sniffing.

"Do I sense who I think I sense?"

The second Discord finished his sentence, Pinkie burst from the floor between us.

"Yep!"

So, apparently, the two most random and chaotic things in existence are friends with each other, and not only that, but they're both in my house. Lucky me.

"Yes, you are quite lucky, kid."

...And they can both read minds.

Pinkie cheerily rambled out, "So, Discord, wazzup?"

'Discord' waved his claw. "Not much," he said, "just looking for my mind-bleach."

"Oh, you mean this?"

Pinkie picked up the jug of bleach, and handed it to Discord.

With that, Discord proceeded to tear a hole through reality in my TV remote, and backstroke through it.

Also, what the frick did I just see?

Author's Note

Double-update! :pinkiecrazy:

What's Gonna Work???

The self-proclaimed "Chaos God" stood in the center of my room, deep in thought. I shuddered as I saw the beginnings of what I would probably call my end.

What would he do to me?

Turn me into a pony?

Genderswap?

Put glass in my sandwich?

All three at once?!

"Nope!"

I sighed in relief as Discord waved away my fears-- literally.

"But those are wonderful ideas. I may try them sometime."

Dashing for the door, I kept repeating, "Nope!"

"Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope!"

I tumbled down the stairs yet again in attempt to escape my fate, landing face-first at the foot of Discord.

"Don't worry," he said slyly, "this'll work out for ya."

I furrowed my eyebrow. "What's gonna work?"

"You'll see..."

Author's Note

Short chapter (again)... I pretty much destroyed my stockpile of ideas from the rapid-releases.

Absolutely Freakin' NOTHING.

Author's Note

I'm gonna try and continue with the rapid-releases on chapters, since I see that you all seem to like it. But since doing so drains my idea bank tremendously quickly, expect to see many more short chapters. :twilightsheepish:

Also, :pinkiecrazy:

Absolutely Freakin' NOTHING.

Discord began fading from view as he cackled. When he finally disappeared, I knew immediately that I was in for an even worse day.

First of all, the moment he vanished, the room began... growing, or was it that I was shrinking?

But... yeah. After a quick look in the mirror, I found that even though he hadn't done anything I feared he would, he did shrink me to only half my height.

Sighing, I plopped myself down in my now-oversized couch, only for the entire thing to crumble to dust under me.

"You should lay off on the sweets, Anon!"

Pinkie bounced into view, standing right between my legs.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, and that's what I always say to you."

"So?"

"So you're a freakin' magical pony who doesn't obey any physics whatsoever!"

Pinkie giggled. "I know that."

Picking myself up from the wreckage of a once perfectly-good couch, I turned on the TV, only for the thing to burst in a cloud of purple smoke.

"Darnit!"

I threw the remote at the wall, creating a comedically large explosion of various buttons and bits of plastic.

"ARGH!"

Pinkie appeared once again, though this time, wearing an eyepatch.

"So you're playing Pirates, Anon? I wanna play!"

I shook my head vigorously. "No, Pinkie, I'm not playing Pirates."

"Then why were you shouting 'Argh!'?"

"I'm just angry."

Pinkie pointed towards the kitchen with a hoof.

"Well," she began, "maybe you'll cool down a bit with some snacks!"

Discord's voice echoed throughout the room as a Snickers bar appeared before me.

"You're not you when you're hungry, kid. Have a Snickers.

I rolled my eyes, and snatched the candy from the air, shoving the entirety of it in my mouth as I unwrapped it.

"Eh, I don't feel any better."

Strolling into the kitchen, I noticed that the normally audible whirr of the fridge seemed to be absent. My fears were further confirmed as I continuously flicked the lightswitch, which I had to stand on a chair to reach.

"THE POWER'S OUT?!"

Pinkie glanced out the window across the street.

"Nope!"

For several seconds, the only sound in the kitchen was that of my teeth gritting, when the room was suddenly lit up by the reappearance of the Lord of Chaos.

"Having fun?"

I glared at him.

Discord reached out and stretched out my face.

"Aww, why the long face?"

"STOP IT."

I shoved my face back into proportion-- which I never knew was possible-- and pointed a finger at Discord.

"YOU DID THIS TO ME!"

Discord crossed his arms. "Did what to you?"

I shook a fist in anger before waving an arm around the room.

"THIS!"

Discord's eyes flew about the room, their tiny feathery wings making audible jet-engine roars before landing once again in Discord's eye sockets.

"Well, did I have anything to do with this?"

"Well, duh, yeah."

Discord smirked. "Well, I've got quite the surprise for you..."

"OOH, A SURPRISE!"

"Shut it, Pinkie."

"I DID ABSOLUTELY, FREAKIN', NOTHING!"

What.

"In fact, just look at your circuit breakers! I was simply watching you after your TV burnt itself out, causing a full-house circuit overload, which tripped the breakers!"

Oh please, just kill me already. I can't take it anymore.

Pinkie, or Pinkamena, that is, suddenly slinked up besides me, holding a large knife.

"I'll gladly fulfill that request..."

Please no.

You Got The Wrong Pony!

"COME ON, YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG GUY!"

"Lyra, hurry up! It speaks too!!"

I watched in horror as a small crowd began collecting around me, with a mint-green girl in her late teens sprinting towards me at a dangerously high speed.

"POOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"

I recoiled from the impact, which had sent me flying several feet from where I had sat seconds earlier. All the while, students were taking pictures and videos on their phones.

"Stop it, please"

"Aww, look at those cute little glasses on it's face!"

"AGH!"

I dashed for an opening in the crowd, weaving my way through the long legs. The girl who had collided with me earlier, Lyra, immediately followed after me.

"That way!"

Freakin' STOP IT, people!

In the corner of my eye, I spotted Pinkie sneaking her way through the field.

"LOOK OVER THERE, ANOTHER OF MY KIND!"

That was enough to divert the attention of several students, reducing the crowd, though for some reason, it seemed like they weren't able to see Pinkie.

I continued my frantic trot through the schoolyard, finding myself running right into the school itself. And if there's anything I know about high school campuses, it's that they're like freakin' mazes.

I made a last-second decision to run towards the cafeteria, since I'd be able to hide under the table. Unfortunately though, the tables were all neatly lined up along the walls, folded up for the day.

"Aww, crap."

Feeling the touch of arms picking me up again, I squirmed until I was put back down. That is, after several rounds of petting and d'aww-ing.

"Please, just put me down... I want to go back to my home universe now..."

...I think I made a mistake saying that.

"Wait, he's from another universe?"

"Yeah, he must've come from where Princess Twilight came from!"

"Bring him back to the portal!"

Good, good. They seem to understand what I want.

Wait a freakin' moment.

"WRONG PORTAL GUYS!"

The crowd paused for a moment.

"Wait, there's another portal?"

I rolled my enormous eyes. "Duh, yeah. I used to be human in my universe, until I followed Pinkie Pie through a portal."

Suddenly, the gaze of the crowd landed on a certain pink-haired girl.

"Pinkie, you brought him here?"

I shook my head. "No, the pony Pinkie brought me he--"

I was cut off by the human Pinkie.

"Wellhewasbroughtherebymewhohehadbroughttohisworldbythiswierddreamthathehadandthenshewasdrivinghimcrazyandthendiscordcamesohefreakedoutandfollowedherimeanmethroughaportaltohere!"

"What?"

"What, too long, didn't read?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN DIDN'T READ?!"

Human Pinkie shifted her eyes towards some random blank area in the crowd. "Them. The readers of this story..."

I facepal-hoofed.

"So, as I was saying--- you were brought here by the other me that you summoned in a dream.

"Yep."

Wait... how'd she know?

"How different do you think I am from myself?"

"Y'know, Pinkie, just... just bring me to your pony self."

"Whaddya mean? I am my pony self."

"Wat."

"Yeah, I switch out with the other me every second Tuesday so we can both have tacos!"

If this is all just a big, messed-up dream, please wake me up.

"Silly Anon, you are awake!"

I flopped onto the ground, causing a small puff of dirt and dust to fly into the crowd around us, earning several coughs and sneezes.

"And how'd ya know my name?"

Suddenly, the pony, or human Pinkie, whichever one, appeared besides the other Pinkie. In unison, they both said...

Pinkie knows all...

Author's Note

Anon the P0N3 = Anon the H00M1N

Everyone's focus was suddenly diverted at the double-ponk.

"Pinkie, you never told me that you had a pony with you that looked like yourself!"

I watched as a blue-skinned girl smacked the kid that said that upside the face.

"Snails, you dummy, that's her pony counterpart!"

I stood up, albeit rather shakily.

"Okay now... now that we've all been acquainted with each other, let's all just forget that this ever happened, and go on our merry ways!"

I turned with a flick of the tail, and headed back towards the portal that I was spat out of. Suddenly, I felt a strong tug on the scruff of my neck, causing me to fall onto my butt.

"Where do ya think your going, mister?"

"Pinkie, let me go!"

The pony Pinkie looked up at her counterpart. "Yeah, let him go. He's my friend."

"Yeah, but I want to cuddle him, and snuggle him, and wash him, and pet him, and rub hi--"

"OKAY, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THAT CRAZY LADY WRITES SOME NASTY THINGS ABOUT ME!"

Pony Pinkie suddenly ducked her head under me, scooping me onto her back.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Pony stacking! Never heard of it?"

I rode Pinkie-- I mean... sat on top of... uh, Pinkie took me for a ride... no...

"Anon, stop trying to narrate me. You're trying too hard."

Fine then, you narrate. It's not like we're in a story that needs a narrator, after all...

"Actually, we are."

COME ON. WHY?!

"Fine, Pinkie, you narrate for now."

Anon sat on my back as we bounced along the rocky path towards our uncertain doom. It always seems like we're going towards our doom, since as mortals, we all know that we're bound to end at some point, whether it's by a stone in the face, a car crash, being tied up and stretched until your body sna--

"NEVER MIND, PINKIE! LEMME DO THIS."

We made it through the portal just in time, Pinkie zipping the hole in the wall back up as we exited.

"Wow..." I panted, "That was close."

Pinkie laid on her back, her mane utterly frazzled from the interdimensional travel.

"Eh, at least I'm human again, right?"

Suddenly, I heard Pinkie giggle, which became louder and louder, until her laughter echoed throughout my house... and my skull.

"Anon, look behind you!"

I spun around, fearing for the worst. Right there, spilling from the waistband of my pants, was a thick, semi-curly tail.

"And that's not all!!!"

"WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME LIKE THIS, LIFE?!"

Pinkie shoved a mirror in front of me. Where she got it, I will never know.

Along with the tail, which hung about halfway down my legs, I still had pony ears.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!"

Author's Note

Anon, ya just gotta shake your tail, 'cause we gonna party tonight! :rainbowwild:

Also, another double update! (Mainly because I feel like it.)

Magical Revenge Shenanigans

"So... I'm like, a partial pony now?"

"Kinda."

Oh. Well then. Don't mind me while I whack someone's face with my new tail.

"That sounds fun!"

"Indeed..."

Pinkie followed me as I walked out my house, heading down the street towards a certain bully's house. One of the perks of helping school ITs is that you often have access to the addresses of all the students.

And just by looking at my face, one could easily tell that I had quite the plan.

...And they'd also probably be able to tell that I had a horrible migraine. Taking the fact that I was a unicorn when I went through the portal, that meant that I apparently had hundreds of thousands of new nerve connections running through my forehead, and having them all get cut off at once doesn't do much good if you want to have a nice day afterwards. But on the bright side, for some reason, along with the tail and ears, I kept my newfound abilities too. With that, I easily cast an illusion to hide my ears and tail.

"Y'know, Anon, you shouldn't have been able to do that..."

"Whaddya mean?"

"Illusion spells are a mid-to-high range spell reserved for unicorn scholars and/or Alicorns, with the exception of me, Discord, and changelings."

"Yeah, so what? All I did to cast the illusion was imagine my normal body as a cloak, and then mentally wrapping it around myself. The reason why it's holding is because I'm still holding it at the back of my mind."

"..."

Wow. I made Pinkie speechless... I wonder if she's ever been like that before?

"Well, there was that one time where I saw a rainboom that Rainbow Dash did."

Get out of my mind, Pinkie.

"Okay!"

"Also, stay behind the corner."

"Sure!"

I hesitated for a moment, but went ahead and pressed the doorbell.

Several loud noises were emitted from inside, including what sounded like chip bowls falling to the floor.

I was met by a big, sweaty guy who obviously was raving over a football game just seconds before.

"Hey kid, get outta here. This is my domain."

Please don't show up right now, Pinkie.

"Well, um... I was just stopping by to maybe catch a game on TV or something?"

...That was a horrible lie.

"Heh, as if a scrawny kid like you would even survive a game, even if it's just on TV."

I rolled my eyes.

"And don't forget that I helped you quite a bit on your homework."

"THAT WAS YEARS AGO."

"Yeah, so? If it weren't for that, you would've flunked math."

"Like math has anything to do with what I like."

"Hey, y'know, you're probably a bigger nerd than I am. Just take a look at those game charts. And think about those lessons on how to properly throw the ball, it's all physics and timing."

I watched his face begin to twist in anger at my endless nerd-speak.

"You'd better move, before I decide that creaming you is the best way to get rid of ya."

And as fate would have it, that's the second Pinkie appeared.

"I LOVE cream!"

I relaxed my tension as the bully's fists loosened.

"Is that... a pony?"

Aw, crap.

"..Yes?"

WHAT THE F*** ANON, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU SUCKED THAT MUCH!

That, of course, triggered Pinkie.

As the bully cackled on, I smiled wryly as I watched Pinkie's hair dull, and slowly fall onto her shoulders. Her face twitched in every possible way as she tried her hardest to hold in her anger.

"Say that again, punk."

The bully stifled his laughter.

"What is this? Some sort of half-crap science project? A robot to make it easier for me to mock you?"

I smirked, and raised a hand.

Since the illusion spell only works to outside viewers, I still was able to see the faint glow appear around my hand.

I willed my powers to lift, and lift, it did.

"Wha--"

Pinkamena had the same old insane grin plastered on her face, watching intently as I spun the bully about in the air like he was nothing. As long as I didn't overload my mental capacity, I could do nearly anything.

"What am I doing? Oh, just giving you an idea of how I felt all those times that you've flung me through the hallways. In fact, you're actually quite light in terms of things I could levitate."

"PUT ME DOWN... OR ELSE!"

"Sure."

I gently sat him back on the ground, and vanished together with Pinkie in a multi-entity-teleportation spell.

Wait a second... HOW DID I DO THAT?!

"Idunno. But you did give that guy quite the scare!"

Eh, I got him beat anyways. Did you see his face when i put him down?

Yep! I've never seen a human so green before! Not even Lyra!

Aaaannnnd now she's speaking telepathically to me. This may turn out rather interestingly...

Author's Note

THIRD UPDATE OF THE DAY?! WHAT IS THIS?!
IT'S THE POTATOES!

No-name bullies are the easiest to defeat when you're the Anon! :raritywink:

And telepathic Pinkies! :pinkiecrazy:

Just a Typical Tuesday Morning

After several hours of fidgeting and fuss, I've decided to finally accept my new bodily additions. My new capabilities, on the other hand, I already love.

"Nah."

The TV flickered as I flipped through the channels, the remote hovering in a dim aura.

Pinkie slept soundly besides me, and aside from the occasional chuckle from whatever dream she was having, she was practically silent the entire time. I had already finished everything for the day, and for now, I could relax.

I woke to the wet feeling of drool.

Opening my eyes, I found Pinkie laying on top of me, murmuring something about ice cream.

"Pinkie, wake up."

The pink pony snorted, and rolled off onto the sofa.

I stood up, and walked into the bathroom to get a better look at myself. Besides the ears and tail, I looked pretty much the same. Almost.

The colors of my eyes and hair were a bit... off.

For one, I now had two eye colors. Along with the brown that I originally had, one of my eyes was now a bright mix of green and blue. As for my hair, there were now several noticeable streaks of various colors running through my semi-existent hair.

By semi-existent, I mean that no-one, not even me, knows for sure that it's there. Some say it is, others say I'm a baldy. I, personally, see it as a dark brown color.

Really? I thought it was an electric green.

I glanced over towards Pinkie, who still lay on the couch.

"Pinkie, I know you're awake."

No I'm not.

"Yes you are, how would you talk to me then?"

Telepathy, duh.

I forgot about that. So, how do you think I look? Good? Or should I continue using the illusion spell?

Silly Anon, how do you think that I could see you if I'm still asleep?

Wake up then. It's morning anyways.

Pinkie opened an eye. Moments later, she was right besides me, complete with her diabeetus-inducing cuteness.

Aww, thanks. You look nice too!

Yeah. I thought so.

Pinkie and I made our way towards the door after a nice waffle breakfast, ready to take on the next school day.

In Which Everything and Nothing Happens...

Immediately after I stepped out the door, I was swarmed by a massive cloud of flies.

"Wha--?!"

Pinkie Pie ran about, clenching a flyswatter tightly. Suddenly, the swarm just... dissipated.

And in it's place, stood Discord.

"Ah, Anon! How's my favorite pony-boy doing?"

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, Discord. Just... don't mess up my day. It's been great so far, I don't want to have it go bad."

Pinkie crossed her forelegs. "Yeah, Discord. Stop being such a meanie to my friend."

Discord nodded. "Sure."

Well that was easy.

He sounded a bit suspicious.

Yeah, keep an eye on him.

Pinkie reached up with a hoof for her eye.

NO, NOT LITERALLY.

Okay!

We arrived at school. I didn't bother to stuff Pinkie in my backpack this time, since the school actually seemed fine with her as long as she didn't blast anyone.

In fact, the school loves her. I even got all negative marks from that day removed just because Pinkie cleared it up over the phone.

"Hey, Anon, nice tail ya got there... ya late for Halloween or something? And what's with those ears?"

Always the anti-bronies that go for the ears.

"Listen, dude, I can do what I want, wear what I want, say what I want, and be what I want. And you're not gonna change that."

Pinkie sprung up besides me.

"Yeah!"

We continued on our way, getting quite a few complements from fellow bronies and pegasisters.

Wait a sec... since when was I a brony?!

Ever since you met me, duh! You've been a brony since you first had to watch the show at a friend's house, and up until you met me, you've just been a closet brony!

Oh. Eh, I'm actually fine with that now. Noone seems to be giving me a hard time.

"And now, if you take the factorized equation and multiply it's factors back together, you get the original equation."

Really? This guy's teaching stuff I learned years ago.

Pinkie sat besides me, telekinetically writing down notes as she smiled. How she does it, I have no idea.

I, on the other hand, already completed both my classwork and my homework.

Seems like a good time for a nap, anyways. Pinkie, wake me up before class ends.

Sure!

RRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNG!

The hallways bustled with students, as usual. Pinkie rode on top of my backpack, preventing the possibility of trampling, and definitely making us stand out.

So far, school's great. Let's just hope nothing bad happens.

I bet you're thinking that you spoke too soon, Anon...

I spoke too soon...

PWN-ing N00bs

Welp. My day's ruined.

Discord appeared before me.

"How so?"

"Well," I continued, "you appeared. That's why."

Discord smirked.

"But what if I help you?"

I leaned forwards, trying to find anything suspicious in his face. Unfortunately, doing so caused Pinkie to fall over my head, causing me to land on the cold, hard, floor.

"Ow."

You didn't sound like you got hurt.

I don't care. Ow.

Several students rushed over to help me up, even though just days ago, they'd probably tease me.

"Why are you helping me?" I asked as they supported my stumbling body.

"'Cause you're freakin' cool!"

Okay, this day's getting weird, just like the past half a week.

Not as weird as I can make it!

Please don't, Pinkie.

Discord slithered up besides me, draping a lion paw over my shoulder like we were old buddies or something.

"How about this, Anon."

"What?"

"Do you like PWNing N00bs?"

I narrowed my eyes.

"PWNing N00bs in what?"

Discord held up two game controllers.

"Whaddya think?"

Pinkie swiped the controllers from Discord's claws.

"Not now, Discord. Anon's busy. Y'know, with school?"

Author's Note

Don't Mess With AnonyPonk

Discord snatched the controllers back, and crushed them with a paw. "Of course he has school. Silly me."

And with that, he vanished once again. Though the crowd didn't do the same.

"Was that-"

"-The God of Chaos?!"

I facepalmed.

"Yeah, so what?"

"You were talking to him like you were just... casual buds."

"Yeah... so what?"

"So you're friends with a dangerously high-power villain."

I shrugged.

Pinkamena swatted in the air at the crowd, small specks of spittle flying about as she shouted.

"GET AWAY FROM HIM, FOOLS! ANON MUST HAVE HIS SPACE."

Nice one, Pinkie.

Thanks. So what should we do after school?

Idunno... maybe go to a restaurant or something? I have some spare cash.

Sounds good.

I continued towards my next class, albeit in a hurry, since the whole Discord fiasco ate up several precious minutes.

"Hey you! Levitation kid! Get over here!"

I turned my head, noticing the same guy I messed with not too long ago.

Pinkie, or Pinkamena, as she currently still was, growled deeply.

"You'd better stay away from my friend, mister, or you're in for a world of pain..."

I nodded, lifting a hand.

"She's right, y'know."

The bully backed away slowly. "Woah, I'm not here to beat you up this time. I'm just trying to be a friend, y'know?"

I warily waved my hand as I turned back and continued walking.

"We'll talk later. I've got a class to get to."

I arrived just seconds before the bell rang, and luckily, just like the rest of my classes, no-one seems to really care about the fact that a freakin' pony now rides on my shoulders wherever I go. They also seem to be perfectly fine with the fact that any time someone does anything even remotely threatening to me, she would give them the evil eye.

And a little reminder to stay away...

What's that?

Oh, nothing. Just burning a warning sign into their memories.

So that's what you've been doing with all that staring.

Yep!

Though... I'd prefer if you didn't act so... protective, I do have other friends here, too... and maybe a possible girlfriend...

Like?

Um... there's... Dave? Wait... no he's... Uh... Bill? No... he doesn't really talk...

So you don't have any friends, do you?

I guess so... At least I have my crushes.

Of whom never do anything more than a simple, "Hi!"

Yeah. I'm in the friendzone of quite a few girls.

What about me?

What?

There's always me to have a romantic relationship with.

But what about your friends back in Equestria? Aren't you going back? And how would a human-pony relationship work out?

Eh, I'm both in Equestria and here at once, complete with a shared memory, so I can stay here as long as I want. And if you want kids, I think I could get that worked out for you...

Wait... what?

"Daydreaming again, Anon?"

I snapped out of my telepathic conversation with Pinkie, who had fallen asleep on my questionably-bald head. Being able to finish your work quickly is one of my best skills at school, so I simply held up the completed paper.

"Very well then. Just make sure you hear what I say."

I nodded, earning a grunt in response from Pinkie.

Author's Note

I ship Anon and Pinkie.

GO ANONYPONK!

Pinkie and Universe Hopping: A Brief Explanation

[youtube=p4Gotl9vRGs]

Watch this if you want your mind blown... and if you want to understand what Pinkie says directly below this line.

"And so because there are many more than just four dimensions, theoretically, you would be able to open up a portal to another universe without even leaving the one you're in."

I blinked. Pinkie had just finished her lengthy explanation for how she was able to just jump between universes-- literally.

"...That explains so much."

"I know, right?!"

"So basically, there's ten dimensions, each one nested within the next one. Right?"

"Yep!"

"And in order to travel into or through a higher dimension, you simply fold the fabric of reality, and cross it like it's nothing?"

"Uh huh!"

... I can't believe that this actually makes sense.

I can!

Of course you do, Pinkie.

Now... let me think it through a bit more...

"If I were to travel back in time by accelerating past the speed of light, would that mean that I'm folding reality around myself just by moving?"

"Kinda!"

"But what about the new perspectives? How would you make any sense from your surroundings if everything is just a long line ranging from beginnings to endings? How would seeing time itself make sense in any sane way?"

"There is no sane way!"

Well, at least that explains all the swirly messes I saw when Pinkie pulled me through that portal.

Oh that? That's just for decoration. Watching an infinite number of Universes fly by in an infinitely minute amount of time doesn't look very nice, so I put wallpaper in the portal!

HOW DOES THAT EVEN FREAKIN' WORK?!

Simple, it doesn't!

THEN HOW DO YOU PUT WALLPAPER ON A PORTAL?!

I don't!

BUT YOU JUST SAID THAT YOU DO!

That's just my trans-existential twin talking to you through my mane!

Wat.

Author's Note

Carpet's being done today at the house, so I haven't had a single minute of quiet since I woke up this morning... :pinkiecrazy:

There's More Where That Came From...

"So, you've got a secret twin from a parallel universe hiding in your mane?"

"Yep!"

Huh, that's actually reasonable... in a weird, overly-complicated way...

"Oh and there's more where that came from."

I furrowed my brow.

"What do you mean, Pinkie?"

"That's just my trans-dimensional twin. I've also got... this!"

A second Pinkie hopped out from her hair.

"So, you're hiding a clone of yourself in your hair."

"Yep!"

"But how does it fit?"

The clone answered for Pinkie.

"I don't! I just go through a portal in her mane to an alternate universe where the clones from the mirror pool were just put into boxes in Twilight's basement!"

Pinkie nodded, and bowed her head to the ground. Which resulted in a pile of Pinkies tumbling out.

"WAIT. THERE'S MORE OF YOU?!"

"What? You didn't expect me to be hiding the last 1/4 of my clones from the mirror pool in my mane?"

"But you just said that there's a portal that they go through, not that they hide in your mane!"

Pinkie smiled. Or was it her clone? I blinked not too long ago.

"That's just for the ones in the alternate universe. The rest stay in my mane, all neat and tidy!"

I facepalmed, dragging my hand across my cheek in annoyance.

"Y'know, Pinkie, that's great. I'm just gonna go to bed now."

Pinkie shook her head furiously, and suddenly, a mattress came flying out, landing perfectly in between the coffee table and the sofa.

Oh.

Author's Note

Just to clear up confusion, between the chapters, they went from Anon's room/office to the living room.

What to Do With a Buttload of Ponks

I awoke to the peaceful beams of daylight, shining gently through the window. Even the dust in the room seemed to sparkle...

Until I saw the time.

"Aw, crap!"

Pinkie jolted up besides me, her clones waking in a wave formation behind us.

"I'm late!"

I sped about the house for a few minutes, grabbing breakfast, throwing on fresh clothes, combing my questionably existent hair, and throwing on a goofy helmet my mom got be a while back. I grabbed Pinkie as I ran towards the door, ready to dash off to school on my bike.

Ok, if I can get this thing to 40 mph, then I should hopefully make it on time...

Who said anything about biking to school?

I did?

Boy, are you in for a surprise, Anon...

I turned around, my eyes widening at the massive behemoth that sat feet away from me.

Sitting there, in all it's fuzzy glory, was a huge, bus-like... thing made of Pinkie's clones.

Tada! It's the PinkieBus! It's kinda like the OmniBus, but fuzzier! And it's filled with treats, too!

Okay then... I guess it's faster than a bike...

I climbed aboard, minding the fact that I was literally stepping all over Pinkie's face.

I turned to Pinkie, who, amazingly, I was able to recognize from the hundreds of Pinkies that made up the supposed "bus".

"How fast does this thing go, anyways?"

Pinkie laughed.

"Fast? You kidding me?"

Aw crap. It's freakin' slow, isn't it?

"In fact, fast is an understatement. You wanna know how?"

I narrowed my eyes. We were wasting valuable time, and I'd have to make it in under ten minutes if I wanted to not be late.

"Yes?"

"It goes as fast as you think it does!"

I cocked my head, raising a brow as I did so.

"What?"

Pinkie slapped the dashboard, making a sickly, fleshy smacking noise as the Pinkie she slapped jiggled in excitement.

"This baby runs on imagination!"

Okay then. I imagine that I made it on time... wait, no, early, with plenty of time to spare.

I blinked afterwards due to the massive amount of fluff in the air inside. When I opened my eyes again, we were at school.

WWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????????

Pinkie smirked, crossing her forelegs. (Or are they arms? I don't really know. Pinkie's looking a bit... off right now.)

"Told ya."

"B-but how?!" I stammered, crazily looking about the bus.

"Easy, we warped through time and space. This bus is made from me, remember?"

Yeah. In a weird, sickly way...

The rest of the Pinkies just looked at each other. I'm pretty sure that they can read minds too...

Yep!

Well, this'll be fun...

Author's Note

What would you do with a massive swarm of Pinkies??? :derpytongue2:

How to (not) Hide a Buttload of Pinkies in a Locker

I grunted as I attempted to stuff the last Pinkie Pie into my locker. I was already surprised that I could fit more than two in there, but I've already fit several hundred. Frankly, I'm actually fine with carrying around an extra Pinkie or two in my backpack or something. Or on my other shoulder.

"We good, Anon?"

I gently closed the locker door, do the squealing delight of the hundreds of Pinkie clones inside.

"Yeah, Pinkie. Who knew that the PinkieBus also froze time?"

"I did!"

Of course she did.

We walked hand in hoof to the first class of the day-- math. I don't hate it or anything, I don't hate really anything in school... In fact, I don't believe in hate, I don't eve--

We get it, you hate hatred itself, okay?

Yeah.

The thing is, math is just so... boring. Not in the "I don't want to learn" kinda boring through, 'cause I like that. It's just that I'm always so far ahead that I end up running out of assignments to do.

That's why you've got me!

Yep. And your clone over on my other shoulder, too... and the one in my backpack, and on my head, and in my left shoe, and...

I looked down at the large lump in my pants. I quickly darted my eyes about the room to make sure noone saw. I then pulled up my waistband, opened my mouth, and shouted,

"PINKIE CLONE, GET OUTTA MY PANTS!"

The clone slinked happily out of a pant leg, and proceeded to burrow herself in the nonexistent pile of snow on the teacher's desk.

"Geez, Pinkie. Your clones are so random."

Pinkie shrugged as she sat down in the empty seat beside me.

"That's because they're clones of me, remember?"

I nodded.

"Good point."

Well, class is almost over now, and Pinkie and I have drawn like, fifty or so random doodles and comics just for the fun of it. The math teacher's only barely getting to passing out homework, which I finished half an hour ago. There's also been this weird creaking sound that seems like it's coming from the hallways.

It almost sounds like a locker's about to explode!

Crap.

I frantically raised my hand, waving it about as if it was my last day of life.

"Yes, Mr. Anon?"

"May I use the restroom? Please?"

Pinkie climbed back atop my shoulder, her eyes glistening with sudden moisture.

The teacher proceeded to stumble backwards, and faint from an overdose of cuteness.

My class ended with awkward stares, before an entire stampede of students carried me and Pinkie out the door.

"FREEDOM!"

"NO HOMEWORK!"

"Shouldn't we be worried about the teacher? I mean, he just fainted."

"SHADDUP!"

I wormed my way out of the swarm, hiding behind a garbage can with Pinkie. The metallic groaning sound was much louder now, and judging by the looks of it, the locker wasn't gonna hold up much longer.

Scrambling with the lock, I managed to open it before the thing burst, but the downside of that was that there was now a literal bus-sized load of Pinkie Pie clones filling the hallways... and climbing atop the swarm of students I might've accidentally released.

Luckily though, they seemed to take it well, so it's all cool.

Like ice cream!

Oh, Pinkie.

Author's Note

Just imagine these scenes. :pinkiecrazy:

Ponkocalypse

With hundreds of new homes now assigned to each of Pinkie's clones, I, personally, feel a lot better now. At least I don't have to worry about buying thousands of dollars of candy just to feed them all. Who knew that everyone loved the idea of having Pinkie Pie latch on to their backpacks and follow them to the moment they fall flat on their faces?

Well...

Yeah, I know that you know, Pinkie.

No, what I mean is, those aren't the normal clones from the mirror pool...

Whaddya mean?

Pinkie ruffled her hair, parting it so the hundreds of clones were clearly visible within the pocket universe that she kept in her mane.

"What? Why are they still here? They went off with the others..."

Pinkie zipped the pocket universe's rift shut.

"I know, but turns out that the clones that went off with the students are pseudo-changeling clones infused with dark magic."

Okay, so first, the magical talking pony. I'm fine with that now. Then, she breaks physics multiple times. Ok. Not too long after, telepathy, time travel, the multiverse theory, and telekinesis are proven. Not strange at all. But this...

Pinkie waved a hoof towards the window.

"I've seen what they can do before. They're all just masks... their joy is nothing but a placeholder to shield their true form."

"Aaaaannnd?"

Pinkie kept her mouth shut this time around to avoid anyone, or anthing overhearing us.

Once they're out of sight, they drop their costume to consume their host's soul, and then possess the bodies.

And that, that, is what I would've called the most epic anime plot I've heard of in years.

But this isn't anime, Anon. This is the real life... or is it fantasy?

Forget about fact and fiction, Pinkie.

I opened the closet door, pulling out a dusty baseball bat.

"It's time to whack some ponk a--"

Pinkie shoved a hoof in my mouth.

Language, Anon. Think of the kids reading this!

Wait, we're in a story?!

Yep.

Oh... hey author guy, can you make me ultra-attractive?

I eyed the screen warily, noticing the fact that the characters suddenly gained knowledge of their true existence.

"Eh."

I shrugged, and left the room, leaving the characters to their own destiny as I grabbed a granola bar from who-knows-where.

Pinkie and I finally stopped our intense stare into nothingness, our connection to the writer severed by a massive granola bar that clouded our view through the fourth wall.

"Well, Pinkie. I guess it's up to us."

I looked back through the window, noticing the already growing crowd of semi-brainwashed high-schoolers with Pinkie clone lookalikes latched onto their backs.

Boy, is my life taking the interesting turn.

Author's Note

Cram writing FTW! :raritystarry:

I'll be trying my best to continue with updating the story with a chapter per day, no matter how hard it may be. But if homework gets in the way, then I may have to skip a day or two...

All is Fair in LOLs and War

I shut the blinds.

"So, how are we gonna take 'em down, Pinkie?"

"LOLS!"

"...Lols? Like as in, 'Laugh-Out-Loud'?"

"Yep!"

How does laughter have any possibility of defeating a horde of zombified teens?

"It doesn't!"

Of course it doesn't. It's probably just the power of Pinkie's mind.

"Nope! What I mean is..."

Pinkie leaned in close to my ear, her voice dripping with the sound of terror.

"Weaponized laughter."

"But how's that gonna work?"

Pinkie suddenly pulled up an intricate diagram from her mane.

After several minutes of studying, I sighed.

"Go ahead, Pinkie. Do it yourself, I'ma do my homework, even if there is a buncha zombies outside."

Pinkie squealed, and happily leapt out the window in flying colors of camo.

I heard the door open. Judging by the sound of a bouncy pony, and the fact that I gave Pinkie keys, I knew that it was her.

"Back so soon, Pinkie?"

Pinkie grinned.

"Yep!"

"So how'd the fight with the zombies go?"

Pinkie's grin grew even bigger.

"I became friends with them!"

"But I thought that you were using weaponized laughter."

Pinkie nodded.

"I did! I used it to stun the zombies, and while they were frozen, I became friends with them by infiltrating the memories of the false clones and then modifying their brains to think that I was one of them!"

...Wow.

"I know, right? I mean, I did still have to banish them all back to the basement after I became friends with them, but y'know, all's fair in love and war?"

I spun around in my chair to face my desk in order to hide my freakishly crazy grin as I made a horrible pun.

"Don't you mean 'All's fair in LOLS and war?'"

Pinkie slung her party cannon over her back.

"Yep!"

Heh. She's hilarious. I love that mare.

Aww, I love you too!

Crap. She knows...

I always know...

Author's Note

I ship it! :raritywink:

And I've been writing chapters at night to publish each morning!

Pinkie Breaks the Fourth Wall... And Talks to the Narrator... AGAIN.

Pinkie continued tugging at the cable, while sat at the couch, watching TV.

A storm had begun to develop not too long ago, the sound of thunder rolling through the air.

"So, Pinkie," I said as I turned around, "have you found anything yet?"

Silence.

"Pinkie?"

More silence.

Oh god, why?

Exactly ten seconds earlier...

A flash of lightning lit up the room as a bolt hit the house, causing Pinkie to suddenly be swallowed whole by the cable.

"Hey, nice narrating. Do ya mind if I try?"

Wait, what?!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE PINKIE?!

That weird wire thing sent me here!

Fine then. Stay still as I prepare to send you ba--

"Can I narrate?"

No.

Wait, what are you doing?!

*Keyboard rattles*

Stop it, Pinkie, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY CAMERA?!

Please, Pinkie, let me have my laptop back...

"Nope!"

Argh...

I hurriedly searched the house for Pinkie, the only light in the house provided by the storm outside. The power went out soon after Pinkie vanished, leaving me fumbling in the dark.

I sighed, knowing that I'll probably never see her again, and that I'd have to return to my sad, sad, miserable...

"Hey, Anon!"

I whipped around to face Pinkie.

"You're back!"

"Yeah, I got eaten by that weird cable thingy and was sent into the living room of the author, so I ended up writing like, half of this chapter."

What? I don't even...

Author's Note

Pinkie broke the fourth wall... again! :pinkiecrazy:

Pinkie Sense

"Ooh! Twitchy-twitchy tail!"

I glanced over at Pinkie, who currently looked more like the tail of her tail, judging by the massive amount of shaking.

"Yeah, and?"

Pinkie smirked at me as I turned back to continue my reading.

"Oh, we're in for a doozy."

What kind of "doozy"?

Oh, nothing. Usually it's something along the lines of a monster attack and/or organized chaos.

Heh, organized chaos.

Pinkie stuck her tongue out at me, making a face.

"Says the guy who's been pranked several times by Discord."

Well... she's got a point. I mean, Discord did turn my into a pony and let me loose in a high school, but that actually wasn't all that bad. Now, if he stuck with what my fears were earlier...

I shuddered at the thought of a sudden and random gender swap at the east expected moment.

Pinkie's tail was still twitching, though far less than before.

"Huh," she said, "I guess the doozy's already almost over..."

"Good."

Suddenly, the room was rocked by a massive explosion, bits of drywall hailing down on me and Pinkie.

"TAKE COVER!" I shouted, grabbing Pinkie and diving under a table.

Several minutes after the shaking stopped, I noticed that Pinkie's tail was no longer twitching.

"So, I guess the 'doozy' is over now?"

Pinkie glanced about, and shrugged.

I broke the sudden silence that fell over the two of us.

"So... Pinkie Sense?" I asked, glancing over towards Pinkie. "What's that?"

Pinkie shrugged once again.

"Seriously, how does that work? I mean, you freakin' predicted the future there!"

"I don't know how it works. It just does."

My eye twitched. Pinkie has the ability to not only read and communicate through telepathy, open portals, teleport, and break physics, but she can apparently even predict the future. The catch is, she doesn't seem to know how.

"So, could you tell me what I should expect in the future?"

Pinkie shrugged.

Suddenly, her mane somehow began to spazz out.

"DUCK!" I shouted, "AFTERSHOCK!"

The room began to tremble again, though much less violently than last time. Discord's voice began to fill the air as he materialized before us.

"So, Anon. Enjoying your little... shake-out?"

Pinkie gasped.

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHH, THAT'S WHAT THE DOOZY WAS! IT WAS SAYING THAT IT WAS ALL A PRANK!"

Discord patted Pinkie on the head.

"Indeed it is, fellow ponk. indeed it is."

I slowly pulled myself up, and lunged at Discord.

"YOU DID THIS TO ME, DISCORD! YOU'VE RUINED MY HOME. YOU'VE DESTROYED THE PROGRESS I'VE MADE IN SCHOOL! I'LL BE HELD BACK... and, and--"

Discord shushed me, and picked me up in his telekinetic grasp.

"There there, Anon. There's nothing to worry about. See?"

He snapped a claw, and suddenly, all signs of the earthquake disappeared, with my room and everything in it appearing in place of the wreckage.

I sighed happily. At least Discord's responsible for his actions, so I know that I can trust him.

...At least, until he unzipped the fabric of reality and booted me into Equestria with Pinkie.

Author's Note

The "Twitchy-Tail Doozy": Discord's prank.

The Mane Spazz: Getting booted into Equestria... and more...

Stay tuned for more craziness! :trollestia:

...Oh God, WHY?! (Or, The MANE Prank)

Author's Note

This is kinda an interlude chapter to ease the story into it's next section taking place in Equestria.

But... yeah, I went ahead and crammed Anon's worst fears of Discord all into a single chapter for your amusement.

...Oh God, WHY?! (Or, The MANE Prank)

I tumbled out of the other side of the portal as it closed on itself behind me. Luckily, I didn't seem to be hurt. Only this time, it seems like I'm in the so-called "Equestria" that Pinkie always talks about. The biggest hint? This place is swarming with ponies.

...Oh hey, a sandwich.

My stomach grumbled, reminding me of the fact that I still haven't eaten anything since I started on my homework... wherever that is now...

"Heheheh, hey Anon, you should take a look in the mirror!"

I shrugged, and took a bite out of the sandwich with a satisfyingly loud, "crunch".

I then realized that the sandwich was bobbing slowly in a golden-green aura.

I shrugged again. So what? I'm a unicorn? Cool. I can do magic now then.

Suddenly, I realized that my tongue felt like it was on fire.

Instinctively, I spat out the contents of my mouth, immediately noticing the tiny shards of glass that were now scattered about on the path.

Pinkie continued her giggling as I slowly diverted my gaze downwards. Namely, between my legs. I noticed something- that is, the distinct lack of something, that stood out from everything else.

From all around, just like before, Discord's voice echoed through the air.

Welp. I should've expected that he'd pull this off. Not that I'm complaining or anything. In fact, I'm thinking that I'll take this new body out for a test drive!

And me, too!

Yes, Pinkie. Of course you're coming.

We interrupt your normally scheduled ponk words for a quick apology from the author.

Author's Note

So, if you're wondering why the author's notes are up top today, it's because I'm here to apologize. Apparently, a few people didn't like the crazy idea of genderswapped pony Anon eating a glass sandwich, and within a few hours of the chapter going up, this story dropped down to my third most popular.

To recap, I'm sorry if you didn't like my crazy horse words, but they're crazy
Crazy is universal.

We interrupt your normally scheduled ponk words for a quick apology from the author.

It's Just A Prank, Bro!

Discord chuckled lightly, before snapping his fingers.

Suddenly, I was back in my own body.

I warily eyed him, and in return, he only shrugged and said cheerily, "It's just a prank, bro. No hard times, okay?"

I rolled my eyes. Now that we're trapped in Equestria, I guess I'll have to meet the locals and find a place to stay.

"You could stay with me!"

I looked down towards Pinkie, who immediately ran off in some random direction.

Author's Note

Short chapter. I'm thinking that I'll do daily updates on weekdays instead now. :derpytongue2:

No Hard Feelings

Author's Note

Boy, writers' block hit me like a potato through the face... :facehoof:

No Hard Feelings

I followed closely behind Pinkie, until we stopped in front of a large building that looked very similar to certain gingerbread houses.

I still felt a bit ticked by how Discord messed with me and stuff, but--

My train of thought was derailed by the touch of Discord's claw on my shoulder.

"Hey Anon, no hard feelings, alright?"

I rolled my eyes. Surprisingly, it hadn't taken very much time for me to get used to the guy hanging around me.

Pinkie opened the door, and zoomed inside.

"So, apparently you live in a bakery?"

Pinkie nodded enthusiastically.

"Yep!" she cheered, "I work here too!"

"Ok then," I replied, turning to walk out, "I'm gonna go see the rest of the town."

Homecoming

Twilight leaned over in her throne, her brows raised in wonder.

"So, you're from the human world, but not this human world?"

Pinkie piped up from besides me.

"Yep!"

Twilight frowned.

"Well, I'd better send you back. Who knows what trouble could happen?"

Pinkie raised a hoof

"He might end up staying here forever, causing grief over his loss in his home world, and that grief could escalate to conflict, and then war!"

"...Ooookaaay?"

Twilight waved off Pinkie.

"But either way, he needs to go."

"But-but--"

Pinkie. You're already in Equestria anyways. You can't just go around with your clone in some other place. They'd be suspected as a changeling!"

Pinkie crossed her forelegs.

"Fine. C'mon, Anon. We're going."

She unzipped the crystalline wall, and dragged me in by my semi-existent hair.

I guess I'll be living a relatively normal life for now...

Author's Note

~~Final chapter! There'll be a sequel, I promise you~~ that~~... just not now...~~

~~It's just that I've got no ideas left for this. So...~~ yeah...:ajsleepy:

i'ma try my best to keep this thing chuggin' now! :pinkiehappy:

Sub in the Sky

Author's Note

Based off a crude joke one of the people in my classes made.

The original joke:

Did you know that there's more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky?

I know, it's probably gonna offend quite a few people... I promise that this chapter's only based off the "subs in the sky" part.

Sub in the Sky

"Okay," I began, turning towards Pinkie at the bus stop, "just act normal now, 'cause a lot of people are staring already, alright?"

Pinkie nodded, shrinking back into the innards of my backpack. The thing is, no matter what she does, she almost always manages to do it cutely. The moment that she began sliding back into the empty compartment of my backpack, the small crowd that had collected at the stop immediately "d'aww-ed" from her actions.

"Hurry now," I said, warily shoving the rest of the mare into my oversized backpack.

Three hours later, and I've found myself on the bus again. This time though, it was a field trip to a museum dedicated to exploration technology.

Pinkie rustled about in my backpack. Not that anyone really cared, they knew she was there. I could tell that she was getting restless anyways, so I quietly unzipped my backpack.

She sprung out from said backpack like a rocket, even including a little pink cloud of smoke drifting behind her as she landed on the seat beside me. I don't even know what that could is made of...

It's a cloud of cotton candy!

...Why?

By the time I had glanced back towards the cloud, Pinkie had eaten it. I internally barfed at the thought that it had come out her other end seconds earlier.

"And here, we've got a model of the Trieste, the deepest diving submarine that humanity has created as of now."

"Bo-ring!" Pinkie whispered into my ear as the tour guide continued talking, "I can do much better than that!"

I smirked, turning my head to face Pinkie, who was sitting impossibly on my bony shoulder.

"Like... what?" I questioned.

You'll see when we get home.

Huh, you could've just told be out loud.

Why is there a freakin' submarine in my living room?!

"Surprise!" Pinkie shouted, bursting from the top hatch. I swear she was still in my backpack seconds ago...

"Wanna ride in it?" She asked gleefully, holding the hatch open.

Considering the fact that it was either this, or searching multiple documents for the inner workings of submarines for hours, I wisely chose the former.

The only problem is, the moment I shut the hatch, I felt a massive lurching movement. My eyes quickly darted to the portholes, only to find sheer darkness... with tiny points of twinkling light... and a disturbingly familiar blue-green object with little white streaks...

"PINKIE," I shouted in panic, "ARE WE IN SPACE?!"

"Yep!" Pinkie replied, oblivious to my urge to return to solid ground. The two of us had already begun to gently drift off the floor in the absence of gravity.

"WHY ARE WE ON A FREAKIN' SPACE SUBMARINE?!"

"Because I want to!" Pinkie replied enthusiastically, "It's fun!"

Eh, makes sense, considering it's Pinkie that this is coming from... I'd might as well work on my homework before it floats too far away...

Plummet

Author's Note

I don't know what this is, or where it came from, but I wanted to write something.

Plummet

Pinkie finally stopped, taking a single, very audible breath as she finished singing. Honestly, I can see why she's singing that, 'cause technically, when you're in space, you're falling in every direction.

"FREE FAAAAAAAALLLLLIIIIING!"

Please... stop it. Get help...

"NEVAH!"

I watched as Pinkie suddenly sped to the sub's controls, and pressed a single, red button. Immediately, the entire submarine jolted as we began hurtling towards the Earth.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"I fired a backwards torpedo!"

Ok. So I'll just sit here as we plummet to our deaths.

Nope. I'm Screwed.

Author's Note

Short chapter today. I've got some other stuff to do.

Nope. I'm Screwed.

Miraculously, Pinkie and I somehow managed to find, recover, and reassemble the burnt remains of my essay. The problem now is that the thing's soaking wet. Something about it being pulled from an alternate timeline where the essay never burnt yet before the sub landed in the ocean, but Pinkie just said that she put it back together when I asked for the short explanation.

Now I can only wait to see if the essay's gonna be accepted as a soaking heap of paper covered in wet, springy pink hair.

Yeah, I'm screwed. At least I was given a day to re-do it.

...Nevermind...

Author's Note

Honestly, I'm actually enjoying writing these shorter chapters. I don't have to spend so much time polling my brain for ideas, and I can focus more on describing what's going on. Don't worry though, the rest of my stories'll have much longer chapters compared to this. :twilightsmile:

...Nevermind...

I sat down in front of my laptop, cracking my knuckles in preparation to type my essay. I guess it should've been typed out in the first place, considering how there's now a guarantee that anything I own will likely be destroyed in one way or another...

And then, Pinkie popped up beside me, with my pristine, handwritten essay neatly stacked on her head.

"How?!" I exclaimed, grabbing hold of the papers. They were just as stiff as they were before I wrote on them, and showed no sign at all of ever being even close to water.

"I went to an alternate universe to the alternate universe where I pulled the soaking paper out of so that I could get a copy of the not wet paper from the alternate you who happened to have a scanner so I threw a little party on the way back and then this weird marshmallow thingy attacket an--"

I put my hand over Pinkie's mouth to stop her rambling.

"I get it," I replied, "screw logic."

"Yep!" She squeaked, sinking back into the area under my desk.

Rainbow Cupcakes

"Whatcha doin there, Pinkie?" I asked as I strolled into the kitchen. Now that I didn't have to redo my essay, I had plenty of free time.

As it turns out, she was baking a PieCake. Not a pie, not a cake, but a PieCake.

Yep! It's both! ... IN THAT ORDER!

Ooh boy, here comes that creepy grin again.

"Would you like to try a rainbow cupcake???"

Huh, that actually sounds pretty good right now, even coming from an insane mare mixing up a hurricane in my kitchen...

I picked up one of the "rainbow cupcakes" that Pinkie had set out on a tray. Strangely, the arrangement seemed to be set in... a pony shape...

My mind suddenly came to a chilling theory.

"Pinkie, did you--"

Her hair immediately re-inflated, her cheeriness covering up all traces of her inner insanity.

"Use every possible color of frosting as well as three boxes of food coloring?! YEP!"

Ok, good. For a moment there I thought she baked a pony into cupcakes.

I never said I didn't...

Oh...

Hoomin Ponks

Author's Note

Early chapter! (My break ends Wednesday, so watch for more updates!) :ajsmug:

Hoomin Ponks

Okay... so there's two Pinkies now, and apparently, one of them is human... or at least, as human as a teenage girl with pink skin and hair who defies physics and reads minds can be.

"Let's see..." I thought aloud, my eyes darting between the two Pinkies, "what should I call the two of you?"

The two simultaneously shrugged. A knock sounded at my door, surprising the three of us. I opened said door, revealing the "amazon delivery guy", as I called him.

As soon as I took the box from his hands, he looked behind my shoulder, and saw the human Pinkie Pie holding the pony Pinkie in her arms.

"Eeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy, ya got a girlfriend now, didn'tcha?"

Obnoxious attitude aside, I shrugged, and closed the door.

PAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRTY HAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRD

I awoke to the loud noise of partying, of which I've learned is very typical of Pinkie. The only difference is that today, the partying appeared more to be a rave party than a run-of-the-mill kids party for the neighbors.

"PINKIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I hollered, slamming the door open in my living room. Pinkie stared at me with her massive blue eyes, which were partially shielded from my gaze by sunglasses that seemed to come straight of a "deal with it" meme.

"I'm partying, duh!" Pinkie suddenly replied, and everyone in the room suddenly continued as if nothing happened.

Apparently, somewhere along the line, Pinkie must've pulled some ponies from Equestria through my wall or something, considering the fact that there was now also a white unicorn wearing purple shades at the front of the room. Considering the size of the room, however, I'm not even sure how Pinkie managed to throw such a big party in a room the size of a middle-school locker room.

Speaking of which, why are there middle schoolers here?! I mean, it's perfectly normal for all the other folks here to be... here, but it's a weekday. As far as I know, most parents of middle-school children would never let them go to an overnight party at some stranger's house, hosted by a pink horse, nontheless.

Because it's not the weekend, of course!

Wait... did you--

Warp time around you so that what seemed like a short nap ended up being several days long? Yep!

Oh.

Author's Note

Fall break's rollin' in for us folks in the US! Time to sit around and do nothing! :pinkiecrazy:

Prench Girls

Author's Note

Don't mind the references. It's a Pinkie thing.

Prench Girls

For the next hour or so, I decided to just roll along with the party, and it ended with me covered with pizza boxes as I slept. It wasn't because I was drunk or anything, though. I don't drink. It was from the fact that Pinkie had somehow turned my entire apartment into a freakin' ball pit.

And so, I woke up to the smell of day-old pizza grease streaming down my face. I tossed the boxes aside in annoyance, and plodded through the trashed room towards the bathroom, ignoring the horribly splattered messes on all sides of the room. Geez, Pinkie, couldn't you have told them to at least not trash my apartment?

But I did!

Oh really? It doesn't seem like you did...

I told them not to, but THEY DIDN'T LISTEN!

Huh, how come that last part sounded oddly familiar?

I kicked aside a pyramid of empty soda cans, regretting the irritating clattering that followed immediately after. I yawned as I opened the door, hoping to find a (mostly) clean bathroom, save for maybe some cake splatters or something...

But instead, I found Pinkie. In the tub... with the most questionable pose I could possibly see a pony in.

"Draw me like one of your Prench mares, Anon..."

"NOPE!" I replied, running from the bathroom. Behind me, I heard Pinkie slip on a bit of cake mush as she tried to run after me. I don't know why, but...

My last thought before seeing the wall in front of me was, "Aw, shiiiiiii---"

NO SWEARS!

End

Author's Note

Well then. Hold onto your butts, 'cause here comes a mild plot twist that no longer has any relevance to the story anymore!

Orange Giant: An "in-between" star type that occurs between a star's main sequence and Red Giant phases. The sun will transition through this phase as it becomes a Red Giant.

Red Giant: The final stage of life for an average-sized star, the Sun included. At this stage, the sun balloons outwards, likely swallowing Mercury and Venus. If it's lucky, the decrease in gravitational pull from the sun would allow Earth to drift outwards, avoiding a fate as sun-food.

End

I groaned as I woke up, rubbing my sore temples with my hand as I felt the warm rays of the dying orange giant we call the Sun.

...wait a second, that can't be right...

Where's Pinkie? I thought, hoping for a telepathic answer, though there came none. I slowly rose from the strangely worn bed, noticing the eerily dark sky, though it was seemingly early morning.

I heard a small "crunch" under the sheets as I sat up, blinking in my confusion. I pulled the crumpled piece of paper from underneath myself, hoping that it had something to do with Pinkie.

Hiya, Anon!

I know we haven't really been together for all that long, and during that time, I might've annoyed you a bit more than you might've liked, but I have to leave.

What? I thought, pausing after reading the first sentence, leave? Since when?

I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused. I first came here after feeling a strong pull from you for some unexplained reason, and then, there I was, pulling my party cannon out as you woke up.

Equestria needs me. I found out a little while after you knocked yourself out that Equestria was falling apart-- the universe was falling apart... naturally, I could't bear thinking about all the suffering that would come along with it all, so I left.

Universe... falling apart?! Did she finally go off the deep end? I mean, sure, there's been all those people saying that the world would end at some random time each year, but for it to come from Pinkie?!

...Oh yeah, the Sun's apparently fried a large portion of civilization all of a sudden. I guess she's right... in a horrifying, doomsday-style note sort of way...

Equestria needs me. Goodbye, friend.

Dang, if she's right... I thought, glancing back through the window at the dimming orange ball of fire in the morning sky, how long do I have left?

Are there others around here still?

What about those party-goers?

The children at the party???

It's all too much... I... I can't take it anymore... I just woke up, to find that the entire freakin' UNIVERSE is ending...

And to make matters worse, I can literally see the fabric of the universe tearing open around me...

Please help...

I felt my entire body lurch as the floor underneath me crumbled to a subatomic spray, swirling into the void that had opened beneath me.

Goodbye, world. I'll miss you...

I Think I Summoned a Ponk

The Sequel Has Arrived!

Author's Note

Nope. Just like the previous chapters, this is no longer relevant and the "sequel" has since been cancelled.

The Sequel Has Arrived!

Obviously, the story's complete, so this doesn't count as a real chapter...

But... here's the sequel!

From One End to Another

Considering the fact that I'm entirely out of ideas for the original plotline, I've merged the sequel with a sidestory of Equestria Forever, in order to be able to start off fresh with a (nearly) blank slate, starting off with Anon dropping on his face in the middle of nowhere. :pinkiehappy:

Click the image for the story!

Bonus: Alternate Ending

Author's Note

~~Here's an alternate ending to the story, as a little gift to you all!~~ :twilightsmile:

Aaaaand it ends up turning out that the upcoming direct sequel is based entirely off of the original fic's plotline, making this chapter more of the actual ending than an "alternate" ending. Enjoy anyways!

Bonus: Alternate Ending

I suddenly jerked up from my bed, the familiar weight of a certain mare causing the frame to creak.

Wakey wakey, Anon!

"Ugh," I groaned, "Could you stop waking me up like that?"

Pinkie rapidly shook her head. I squinted as I gazed out the window. The sun was high in the sky, and a gently breeze was rustling the leaves of the trees lining the street. All in all, it was probably the definition of a perfect morning.

Saturday morning, I thought, flopping back onto the bed, Good time for some rest.

But it's Friday!

Crap.

I rushed down the stairs, once again grabbing whatever happened to be in the fridge as I made my way out the door. Pinkie offered me a ride in some bus she just happened to have in her hair, but I refused.

A short cab trip later, and I found myself stumbling into class, half an hour late. Wearing pajamas.

WHY AM I WEARING PAJAMAS?!

Because I thought you'd like them! I put them on you while you were sleeping.

Ignoring Pinkie, I quickly dashed out the door, and into the nearest bathroom I could find. I tore off the pajamas, and stuffed then down my backpack. Pinkie hopped out, of course, and considering the fact that everyone already knows about her, I was perfectly fine with her walking beside me or something.

A minute or two later, I was back in class, and already feeling bored. The teacher was going through stuff I had learned years ago, and unlike the rest of my teachers, typically refused to let me sleep through it.

All in all, though, it was still enjoyable to watch the confused faces of people around me, considering the fact that most of them were getting C's and D's on tests that I aced. I'm starting to wonder if Pinkie has anything to do with me not feeling anything.

Aside from me whispering all of your notes to you during the middle of the night while you're sleeping?

...No. That's fu--

Pinkie glared at me.

That's freakin' creepy, Pinkie.

I know! That's the point of doing it... aside from making you study while you sleep...

...Aaaaaannnnd that is all the explanation I need for dreaming about how photosynthesis works last night.

Welp. Next class, Math. Wheeee. Time for some napping... and maybe working ahead in class for the next week. I can always use some more spare time.

Ooh, are they going through quadratic equations or anything yet?

Meh, I don't think so. I stumped my eighth grade math class far too many times with those things.

But you're in high school...

Yeah, so? I still haven't seen any quadratic equations since school started. It's all been geometry and stuff.

All in all, Math was just some more sleeptime... and maybe a bit of eavesdropping on the childish moans and complaints of others around me.

The rest of my classes were mostly just repeats of the exact same event - sleep, and listen to people groan. I'm seriously thinking of simply skipping to the next grade.

Why haven't you then?

Idunno.

I arrived back at the apartment, Pinkie goofily topped with the pajamas she had gotten me. Now that she was wearing said pajamas, she could fit in my backpack again.

All in all, I'd say that aside from the boredom, this may be, strangely, one of the best days of my life. I feel pretty much no stress, I've got a good friend by my side, and... I seriously don't know... but, I just feel nice.

Even without looking, I could tell that Pinkie agreed.

Never Bring Your Ponk to School

So far, I've survived just about three days with this pony. I'm not really sure how much longer I'll last before cracking...

"Cracking what?" Chirped Pinkie from the backseat, "Eggs?"

Again with the mind reading...

"No, Pinkie, my sanity is what's cracking."

Pinkie's crazed smile beamed off the car's overhead mirror.

"Your sanity, huh? Mine hasn't come back from it's trip for several years now!!!"

"Wait... what?"

"Nothing!"

Now, you may be wondering what we were doing in the car. I was driving. To school. Pinkie showed up on a Saturday, and she's pretty much ruined my weekend, so a boring, normal day at school actually seemed like a nice break from the insanity taking place. I don't particularly trust her by herself yet, either. So all I can do is bring her with me, keep her hidden, and hope for the best.

"For what?"

I shot a fierce glare at Pinkie as I shushed her, gently shoving her into my backpack's front pocket. If it weren't for the fact that the work given at school typically required an entire suitcase to carry it around, then I don't know how I'd ever be able to bring her with me.

Taking a deep breath, I made my way towards the school's entrance.

As I strolled through the walls, I couldn't help but feel more relaxed. It was as if all the pent-up stress from the past few days just... melted away with the sudden normality of school life...

...and during the entire time everyone could hear the cheerful giggles from my backpack.

Author's Note

To be continued :pinkiecrazy:

When None Goes Well

Author's Note

I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to keep up with the rapid-release schedule for chapter updates, so chances are, this may be the last update I push out for the week.

It's just that I've been burning through my ideas waaay too quickly.

When None Goes Well

So, to sum up what's happened today; I was sent to detention, thrown a party without me, mind-read, visited by the supposed god of chaos, and watched said god backstroke through my TV remote.

How can this day go worse?

I tripped as I walked down the stairs, hitting my head each time I tumbled. As I woozily pulled myself up, my hand slipped on the railing, causing me to faceplant on a pot left on the floor from Pinkie. Frantically, I tugged at the pot as I ran about the kitchen, slamming into everything in the room. At last, I pulled the pot off, only to find Pinkie in front of me with her party cannon. Again.

*BOOM*

I woke up in my room, with Pinkie singing some random song again.

I was momentarily blinded by a bright flash of light, which receded to reveal Discord, yet again.

By far, I think this would count as the worst day I've ever had.

"I think that I can beat that..."

Oh please, no, Discord...

Portal Troubles

"Please no, Pinkie. I didn't mean that literally!"

"Well why didn't you say so?!"

I paused for a moment, thinking of the best possible way to revert Pinkamena back to Pinkie.

"Because I'm stupid."

It... sorta worked.

"Well then, Anon, you finally said it. I suspected that you were indeed quite stupid, am I right?"

Why can't Discord just leave me alone?

"Because I can."

You know what... never mind.

Pinkie, by now, had already turned back, so at least I don't have to fear for my life until next time.

"Unless there's more..."

"What?"

Pinkie smirked as she unzipped my wall, opening yet another hole through time and space. She left the hole open, and I watched as she jumped inside. Surprisingly, other than the pastel-colored skin, there were normal humans in whatever universe that was. And by normal, I mean they had technology, none of them seemed to defy physics, and best of all, they didn't care about the fact that a portal just opened on top of another portal in the middle of a school campus.

The moment Pinkie stepped through the portal, she sprinted off towards the school building. I decided to follow after her, seeing that I had nothing better to do besides checking the breakers.

Aaaannnnd that was where I made my mistake. Apparently, Pinkie defies logic in every universe, not just her home universe and mine. When I followed through the hole in the wall, I was transformed into a pony. That is, a stallion that had a horrible rat's nest of hair, wearing a navy blue jacket. Also, my glasses sat at the very end of my muzzle. I faceplanted as I fumbled with suddenly having the equivalent of four feet.

"Aww, look Lyra, a pony!"

COME ON. WHY?!

Author's Note

Anon's a fuzzy frazzled-hair pony! :derpytongue2:

Feelin' A Little Hoarse

Another day of school down, and many more to go...

I'd have to say, though. All this yelling and screaming from Pinkie's made my throat pretty sore.

"So you're saying that you're feeling... a little hoarse?"

Pinkie sat on the seat besides me on the sofa, raising her eyebrows in a questionably... nevermind. I know what she's going for.

"Yeah, I guess so..."

"So you're feeling a little horse?"

She rubbed a hoof across a flank, shooting the same look as before.

"Yes, I mean, no! I mean..."

"Silly Anon. I know what you're thinking, remember?"

Oh yeah.

I know who you love.

I shiver in anticipation, Pinkie.

Eeeexxxxxccceeeelllleeeennnnt...

I was being sarcastic PInkie, and I'm not sure whether or not I want a half-sane reality-bending wife.

Aww...

Even through telepathy, she can be heart-wrenchingly cute.

I know, right?!

I turned off the TV, and picked up my backpack.

"Well, time for homework. Ya wanna help?"

Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. Even though I don't need help on my homework most of the time, I like the company... even if it does cost me several fistfuls of candy every day.

Author's Note

Short chapter, but by now, you'd probably be able to tell that I've just been poking the two of them for a while now... :trollestia:

What's That?

Pinkie crawled up besides me as I did my homework.

"Whaddya go there, Anon?"

She began poking one of the various items on my desk, stopping only when I placed a hand on her hoof to move it aside.

"It's just a thing, okay? I'm trying to finish this essay before tomorrow."

"What's it about?"

I sighed.

"That's what I've been trying to figure out all this time, Pinkie. I have no idea what to write!"

"Have you tried reading the instructions?"

"Yeah."

Pinkie nudged my assignment papers closer.

"What about the one stuck to the back of this one? It looks kinda important."

Aaaaannnnd now I feel stupid.

Picking up the papers, I peeled the back paper off, and quickly scanned through it for anything useful.

Long story short, turns out I didn't even have to write an essay in the first place. The second page explained that it wasn't a full essay, but essay-style questions, which usually were just short paragraphs.

"What's this?"

I glanced over back towards Pinkie, who was now tugging at the cable behind my monitor.

"That's a cable for my computer's screen. It's really important, so don't unplu--"

Pinkie was already holding the unplugged cord in her hoof, but surprisingly, my monitor was still on and functioning.

"Okay Pinkie, what is it?"

"That's what I've been asking you."

We quickly followed the cable, which led to, strangely, a strange hole in the wall. I guess there's no other way to figure out what it's for... so...

Yeah. I quickly spliced the cable, and ran it through some cable sniffing programs. all I really got from those though were weird noises and static. I'm not sure at all about what it's supposed to be for.

Maybe it's a magical cable that Twilight misplaced in her bathroom closet, which ended up worming it's way through the fabric of space and time, and ended up here!

That's... oddly specific...

Author's Note

What could it be?

I might need another break from daily updates...

Meeting Teh Ponies

Author's Note

Intentional misspellings! :rainbowkiss:

And seriously, I need to write/update something else other than this soon. I'm almost dry of ideas, and updating daily won't help in any way.

Meeting Teh Ponies

Ponyville, as far as I've seen so far, seems like your typical small-time farming town. In fact, the entire friggin' thing was founded by a farm.

Pinkie had referred me to one of her friends, who, as Pinkie's told me, should be able to "Get me back home in two beats of a spoon...".

And boy, does she have friends in high places. I mean, seriously, her friend she told me about lives in a castle.

I hesitated at first, expecting a volley of castle guards to charge at me for intruding, but a quick look proved otherwise.

I took a deep breath, and knocked. Well, I would've knocked, if it weren't for the fact that the doors suddenly slammed open, crushing me in the process.

"WHERE IS HE? WHERE'S THE HUMAN?" I heard a female voice shout.

Suddenly, Pinkie appeared at the corner of my eyes.

"He's right there, Twilight!"

"Twilight" quickly whirled around the door, and finally saw me sandwiched.

"Oh... sorry..."

Mt. McSizzle

Author's Note

IT RETURNS! :pinkiegasp:

But it ain't gonna update daily no more. :ajsleepy:

Also, milking ideas out of watching youtube videos and random thoughts is getting a bit hard these days with high school in full-swing...

Mt. McSizzle

I don't know how long I was out, but apparently it was for a good part of the day.

I woke up to the smell of Pinkie's cooking. How I know what her cooking smells like? I really don't know.

"Hi, Anon!" she chirped as she handed me a plate full of a nice, hot... mess?"

"What is that?" I asked, pointing at the steaming heap as I stood up from the sofa.

Pinkie shugged, and shoved the surprisingly sweet heap of something in my mouth.

"I call it Mount McSizzle, 'cause I heat up the chocolate until it's sizzling! But the rest of it is stuff from your fridge!"

"Specifically?" I asked, raising a brow at the goopy mess of a plate in front of me.

"Some mushy bananas, a brown lump of weird-smelling stuff, some eggs, and all the chocolate bars!"

I ran her words through my mind, and I suddenly realized...

"Pinkie..." I began, staring into her eyes, "You do realize that the "brown lump" is pre-cooked hamburger meat. Right?"

Pinkie shrugged.

"I'm in your world, I don't need to stick to Equestrian standards!"

So apparently Pinkie's unfazed by the fact that she made food from the flesh of another living being.

Don't Let Pinkie Drive Your Car.

Pinkie fiddled with the various buttons and controls on my car's dashboard, all the while, her tongue was sticking out in a quite adorable way.

"Is... this it?" She asked, pressing the very center of the steering wheel.

She got her reply in the form of the deafeningly-loud car horn.

"Nope." I replied, still cupping my ears.

"How 'bout this lever thingy?" she asked again, tugging at the gas pedal.

"Wait no--" I shouted as she pressed back down on the pedal, sending the car lurching forwards. I really should've taken the keys out of the car first...

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Agh! Don't scream inside my head, Pinkie! you know it hurts more that way!

But she didn't hear me. Either because she was currently in a burning wreckage of a car somewhere down the street, or because she was having too much fun to give a care.

Luckily, it was the latter. In fact, I'd have to say, for someone who'd only barely learned how the gas and brake pedals work, she was great!

And by that, I mean that the car was in a not-so-smoldering heap at the end of the road, Pinkie triumphantly posing on top.

At least it's insured.

Author's Note

Lesson? Don't let Pinkie drive your car. If said car survives, then she'd probably turn it into a rocket or something. :trollestia:

It's Okay, I'm Alive... Maybe.

I groaned, my hands still stinging from gripping the now-scorched handlebars inside the wrecked sub. If it weren't for the fact that the thing was meant to be able to withstand massive pressure and temperature, I'd say that I would be dead. Luckily though, the sub is pressure and temperature resistant. In fact, we even landed in the ocean!

The thing is, this is meant for navigating the depths of the ocean, not the surface, and definitely not space. That means that it's supposed to be tethered to a launch craft.

But there's no launch craft, so we're kinda screwed.

"BUT I'M HERE!"

"Pinkie, can you navigate?" I quickly asked, hoping that we'd be home ASAP.

"NOPE!" She replied, crushing my hopes, "But I can do..."

Once again, she tore a hole through the fabric of reality, and pulled me through.

"THIS!"

Huh, so we're back home. I'm actually starting to like traveling through wormholes, too. Less nausea compared to sitting in a bumpy car, and it's way faster. That reminds me... what happened to that essay I was working on when Pinkie dragged me into the sub?

It burned up during re-entry into the atmosphere.

Ok then. I'm alive, but by tomorrow, I'll be dead. Death by missing essay that's worth over half your final grade.

Okay.

THE PONK HAS BEEN DOUBLED!!!

I silently chewed on the cupcake, deep in debate with myself on whether or not said cupcake was really made from other ponies. Pinkie wouldn't do that, would she? I mean, yeah, she's crazy and all, but murderous? That's just taking it over the top.

Pinkie stifled a giggle as she watched my half chewed cupcake oozing from my mouth.

"What?" I snapped angrily, slurping the oozing trail of crumbs back into my mouth, "What's so funny?"

Pinkie couldn't hold it in an longer. She burst out in laughter, tears trailing down her cheeks as she rolled across the floor.

Finally, she sobered up, and said in a surprisingly calm face, "You'll see..."

I am horribly, horribly afraid right now.

Ok, not as bad as I thought it would be, but still; WHY THE F--

KID FRIENDLY!

Fine. WHY ARE THERE TWO PINKIES NOW?!

Author's Note

I don't know what I wrote. It's a something.

Interdimensional Narrator Things

Pinkie, the human one at least, continued cradling her equine counterpart in her arms, as if the latter was the daughter of the former. In fact, the two, from this angle of the room, nearly looked like famil--

Hiya!

...Oh god, please no, Pinkie. Let me narrate in peace, please...

Nope! Gimme your keyboard!

No. Hey-- GIVE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!

Why? It didn't look like you were using the screen...

Ugh. I was looking at the screen, okay? That counts as "using" it.

Whatever floats your boat!

*Crashing noises*

PINKIE! WHY DID YOU THROW MY MONITOR OUT THE WINDOW?!

Because I can!

...

...

Welp. I'm out. Have fun narrating, Pinks!

"...Pinkie, er... human Pinkie? Where'd the other Pinkie go?"

Anon's eyes met Pinkie's, and Pinkie's met Anon's. The two leaned in close for a ki--

NOPE!

But I want to ship!

NOPE!

I thought you wanted to leave though...

Well, too bad! I'm back! And get back into the story!

Fine...

Author's Note

This is your mind on ponk.

Just a little extra chapter here for the reading pleasure of y'all.

ANON!

What?

I stared as Pinkie suddenly appeared before me in a puff of dust, wearing a labcoat and heavily fogged safety goggles.

"WE HAVE TO SAVE THE WORLD!"

"From?"

She leaned in close to me, and without speaking, she said--

OURSELVES.

Okay, seriously, wat?

What?

What?

What?

Herp?

DERP!

Um... I think we should stop.

"YAY!" Pinkie suddenly cheered, "WE SAVED THE WORLD!"

I raised a brow. "How did we save it?"

"We delayed our arrival in the past for long enough that the versions of us that we needed to destroy realized that they were being super-meanies!"

Um... okay.

Yeah.