The King Mob of Manehattan

After our little meeting with the Sanktas last week, we had a little agreement. One: We are co workers, and will help each other out when necessary. Two: they get discounts on weapons. Three: we can have any information they have. It's a good little companionship. Now, I'm sitting in Manehatten's Hellbringer's office, seeing what all we need to pay for. Electricity, weapon repairs, carriage repairs, and- "WHAT THE HELL?!" I yell loudly, getting out of my chair. Five thousand bits for repairs on plumbing. I immediately took action, turning on the mic. "Hello, will the ONES RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS MASSIVE FREAKING BILL ON PLUMBING PLEASE GET THE HELL IN MY OFFICE RIGHT NOW!!!" I practically scream into the microphone. I see Ruby poke her head in with wide eyes, but a sharp glare from me makes her yelp and jerk her head out of the doorway. I breathe in and out slowly, trying to figure out how the hell someone does this. A few diamond dogs walk into my office, shaking, and probably about to crap their pants if they wore any.

"Y-Yes boss?" One asks. I breathed in, and exhaled slowly, and turned the bill to face them.

"What does this say?" I ask. They all gulp and look at it. They shrug fearfully, as they cannot read. "It says that we- no, I have to pay FIVE THOUSAND bits to pay for this 'little issue'. Now ally when I look at it, I have to pay ONE thousand. So tell me, why did it go up four thousand more bits for your mistake?" I ask. "How in the whole management of hell, did you do this crap?!" I yell. One of them raises their hand, and I nod.

"We saw someone flush a gem in the toilet..." Silence plays out as all emotion I had has now vanished. "We saw that we could not fit bowl, so we dig through most of the pipes instead..."

"... Let me get this straight, you intentionally did this, to get something that has next to no real value, and cause so much destruction of our pipelines and- actually, no screw this, hold out your paw everyone," I say. All the dogs do and I take a knife and stabbed them. They all yelp. "Tell me, did I find your common sense now?"

"Huh? W-what?"

"Apparently not," I say, stabbing each paw again. They all scream in sharp pain before crying a little bit. "How about now, do you have the common sense to let something go if you can't get it without destroying OUR equipment and materials without anyone's say so?" I ask. They all nod, whimpering for their injured paws. "Good, now get out of here and return when your paws are all fixed up. Say you had a cooking accident or something." They nod.

"Yes sir," they muttered. One turns his back and mutters a couple of curse words at me. I pick up the knife and use my wing to throw it. The metal digged into the right foot of the one who talked crap about me.

"Remember, common Celestia-damn sense," I say. He nods reluctantly and keeps walking. I sighed, tired. The room went silent again as I read through the bills. I stuff various bits into envelopes, and jump when I hear knocking. "Come in," I say, still not looking up.

"Hey Boss," Ruby says, trotting over with a calendar. I look up to see that Bullet Count is also there, smiling widely with Ruby. "We got a surprise for you!" She says. I slowly smile, my tired eyes not looking away as I figure it out.

"Nah," I simply say, returning to yet more paperwork.

"Come on Fire! I haven't seen you get off the desk for two days! Two days, Fire!" Bullet Count says. "Isn't your birthday worth getting off work for?" He asked. I sighed, turning to him with a look of utter unamusement.

"...No," I say simply before returning to my paperwork. Aw hell, there's a unique bill. Bills bills bills. Which ones to actually pay and which one to call out the bullcrap. I know for fact that no one would order a freaking chocolate cake of that... Magnitude........... I slowly turn to Bullet Count, a smile of patience following. "Cake huh?" I ask. The couple frowns at my sudden knowledge.

"Um... Maybe?" He asks. I sigh, rubbing my temples. "... Did we get the flavor right?" He asks. I chuckle.

"Yeah, you got it right. I freaking love chocolate!" I exclaimed, throwing my hooves up with a huge smile. Both of my companions sighed in relief. "I'll have to eat it later though, I got work."

"Nope, you're coming with us," Ruby says before dragging me off somewhere. I grumble and gripe, but I don't speak a word against this knowing the attempts would be fruitless.

We arrive at the train station in Ponyville after long amounts of bumping and low rumbling. They blindfolded me for no reason. "Guys, I know the layout of Ponyville, you're taking me to Sugarcube Corner right?" I asked as we started to approach the building.

"Shush! It's supposed to be a surprise," Bullet said. I roll my eyes under the blindfold. I hear the bells of the door to Sugarcube Corner and a bright as hell light clouded my vision.

"SURPRISE!!!" A crap ton of voices yelled. I could finally see and saw everyone around us. Everyone was smiling, Pinkie's smile the brightest.

"So! Were you surprised?! Were ya? Were ya?!" Pinkie asked a million miles per hour.

"... Totally," I said, knowing my sarcasm would fly over her head. It did.

"Woo! That was close! Because this morning my tail twitched, I blinkity blinked six times and my mane straightened down then went back up and then twitched too! Good to know my Pinkie sense was wrong for once!" She said. Her eyebrow furrowed, belly rumbled, and knees wobbled.

"What does that mean?" I ask.

"Oh I'm just hungry silly-willy!" She said happily before bouncing off to a table with food.

"... Alright, so where's the cake?" I asked. I got cake, hung out with Rainbow Dash, and finally drank all the spiked punch I could. Rainbow and I had a contest, and of course, I won. I think...

Present

"...Truth be told I can't remember," I say to my just-now-sober griffon friend Bullet Count. He sighs.

"Then you took a microphone and sung something like 'Pink Fluffy Unicorns, dancing on Rainbows,'" he says. I nodded.

"Yeah, I did that too... Now tell me this-" I gesture to the nine meter hole in our office. "Why the hell do we have that?!" I almost yelled. He winced.

"Um... I think you said something like, 'I need to show my friends some Shock N' Awe' or something like that. Then you grabbed Ruby, by the scruff of her fur and her tail, and started to spin the tail to 'charge her'. Then you screamed-"

Flashback...

"Say Ello to mah leetle fweend!" I screamed, laughing maniacally as I started to blast the office from the inside after having a brilliant conversation with Bullet Count. He told me that I'm not good at aiming, so he dared me to blast a bottle across the room. Sure the bottle was knocked over, but I hit everything else! I hit the wall, the calendar, the bottle, the wall, the right side of my cabinet full of expensive stuff, the wall, and I think I hit someone............ Nah.