In Which Solon Get's Nothing Productive Done Again
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In Which Solon Get's Nothing Productive Done Again
Heat and fouled smoke filled the area around Solon's Forge as the Warsmith himself went over the final departure schedule. Everything needed to be planned out and executed perfectly, every detail carried least something go wrong and cause a cascade of delays for the rest of the fleet. So important was this task that all others knew better than to intrude upon the Warsmith. And so it was with little surprise that Solon found himself yet again interrupted by a tiny squishy horse. And not just any tiny squishy horse, but the marshmallow one that caused him perhaps the most amount of grief for his time upon this planet.
"Solon darling~! I can't believe it is almost time for you to go. I believe I will truly miss our little get together's and thought I'd make one last stop for old times sake to drop off my list of repairs and requests for you to fill out before you leave."
A growl of hate rumbled deep within the Chaos Marine's frame at the sound of that voice.
"Oh! And I've brought another gift for you as well, I'm sure you'll definitely love this one!"
Her perky voice grating on his very essence Solon gave a disgusted snort as he finally turned around to face the pony that had once again violated his sanctum. In some sick sense of 'fairness' and 'generosity' the annoying one had taken to bringing him so called gifts. Normally that would have only been a somewhat irritating and rather redundant gesture that he would have simply passed off to a servitor to accept the tributes and then melt them down into their base materials to be re-used for the war efforts, but Rarity had managed to screw even that up. She constantly insisted on bringing her trinkets directly to him in person, and worst of all, they were just that, trinkets. Useless trinkets. Some how she had managed to bring all manner of materials and supplies that thwarted even his ability to turn into viable weapons or components. And she continued to insist that they were as some form of payment for the extensive lists of demands and repairs she never stopped asking for.
Honestly, the difference of value between what he did for her and what she brought to him only served to further deepen his dislike for the being before him. It was like someone was trying to exchange beads for a star ship. Rather than feel flattered, each 'gift' felt more like a spit in the face.
"Honestly, I can't believe you didn't like the tuxedo I brought to you last time, what ever will you do if you're invited to a fancy engagement?"
"You brought me ragsh and demanded a new plashma rifle in return."
"Asked darling, I simply asked. And then asked again and kept on asking until you said 'yes', but the point still stands that all I did was ask."
"I could crush you like a bug!"
Tittering at the massive Warsmith's posturing Rarity simply waved him off with her hoof, a pleasant smile still upon her lips. "Oh Solon dear, we both know you are too much of a softy to ever harm anypony important."
"It frightensh me that in shome ashpectsh the pink one hash a greater grashp of reality than you do."
Sighing wistfully Rarity gazed fondly upon the towering figure before her. "I think it'll be this, our playful little banter that we have that I will miss the most."
"It'sh not play."
"But before I get too distracted," Rarity continued seemingly not hearing Solon. "I would like to offer you this." Within her psyker field was held a an odd assortment of devices connected to each other by wire.
"The fact that thesh are actual devicesh and not ragsh or foodshtuffsh inshtantly makesh theshe much better than anything elshe you have brought me."
"Wahahaha! I knew you would like these!"
"That'sh not what I shaid."
Floating the device above the Warsmith Rarity continued, "I had dear Delgan commission this for me, honestly, I'm amazed you never made one for yourself earlier."
"What ish thish?" Solon asked, scanning the object before him and determining that it was not some explosive or other assassination tool. The entire assembly seemed to consist of two triangular head mounted speakers and some mini-cognitor wired between them.
"I believe it was called 'Text to Speech' though I'm not quite sure the person making it was using the term correctly. Anyway lets see how you look in it!"
Surprised by the sudden burst of psyker energy the unicorn before him put into her assault Solon was caught unawares as the device slipped onto his head. The two speakers attaching firmly to the top of his head and the cognitor over his mouth grill.
"Shtop, you blashted shpeck! Get this off of me at once you insipid little nuisance! What do you think you're ...do....ing?"
Halting his command for his auto cannons to open fire at the happily prancing white pony Solon took a moment to run his last sentence through his head.
"Scheduling of ship systems should precede ordinance supply shipments by at least six hours."
"It works! How does... it .... feel?" Trailing off Rarity's gaze took a slightly far away look as something in her being seemed to pass some inner threshold. Within her mind it was still Solon before her, but things seemed to just ever so slightly shift. The little triangular speakers became ears, the cognitor upon his grill morphed into a more muzzle like shape, the billowing infectious smoke spewed by his smoke stacks curled around his head like a flowing ephemeral mane. His multitude of legs clattering about seemed less grotesque than they did a moment ago. In fact, such a multitude seemed more reminiscent of legendary steeds like the Bagri Maro or even swift Sleipnir! And finally within her minds eye the various arms mounted upon the Warsmith seemed to wave in a non-existent wind like some modern tail swept forward by some mighty gust! In that instant hundreds of new dress designs with forward swept tails popped into Rarity's mind.
"I think this is actually the first time you've actually done something I can almost appreciate. I actually feel less inclined to see you murdered for bringing me your new list." Solon replied, missing the fashionistas earlier halted speech.
"List? Hm?" Shaking her head Rarity looked down to the dataslate she had brought with her list of repairs and requests. "Oh! Oh no no no no no, I can't give this to you!"
"What?"
"No no no no no, this won't do at all," the unicorn replied with a look of aghast horror on her face. "You're much to busy to be bothered with such a trifle matter."
"What?"
"I'll simply have to take this to the Mechanicus people or whatever those robbed machine cult worshipers called themselves. You probably have so many more duties to attend to your Majesty," Rarity continued, BOWING to the Warsmith before her.
"What?"
"You enjoy your gift! Tata your Highness!" Rarity called out behind her and she excused herself from Solon's Forge, new dress patterns and designs dancing within her head. To think! She had a whole new addition to her Princess Line!
"What?"
*****************************************
Striding out into the polluted air of Ferrous Dominus, Solon ran the odd encounter with Rarity through his mind again. Once again failing to determine what had caused the change within the annoying unicorn, and thus determining a way to make it permanent and replicatable.
A thundering boom rocked across the sky as a circular rainbow spread out over FD and temporarily cleared away the clouds of pollutants for all of five minutes.
"Um, lord Tellis, I don't think Twilight will like it if she hears that you're throwing ponies again," Fluttershy muttered as she crouched down and hopfully out of reach from the mad Khorn worshiper.
"Nah, Rainbabe's cool with it, I'm sure. Plus, this is all science and shit. I'm experimenting to see how ponies explode when I throw them. That reminds me, I never got to toss you and see what you do when you hit something."
"Eeep!"
Trudging along Solon did what he always did when presented with Tellis. He ignored him and kept walking. Unfortunately his passing was noticed by Fluttershy as the yellow pegasus raced towards him in search of sanctuary.
"Princess Solon help!"
Time seemed to stop for all the humans as Fluttershy made her way to the Warsmith and hid beneath is mechanical legs.
".........what did you call me?"
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I KNEW IT! It finally happened! Oh man, and I thought it'd be Gaela that'd get the tiara treatment!" Tellis bellowed as he fell over laughing.
"What is going on?"
"Evening Princess!" A stallion bowed to Solon before going on his way.
"Princess," another pony bowed deep before also going along his way.
"Good Evening Princess!" A pair of mares chirped, bowing deeply before also going along their way.
"Thank you Princess," Fluttershy whispered before engaging her invisibility and slinking away from the laughing Tellis.
"Damn it Tellis, shut up! Something seems to be affecting the ponies. Who knows how this might affect Ferrous Dominus if this is some prelude to an attack."
Standing up, the mad chaos worshiper actually did stop laughing, unsettling the Warsmith as this was perhaps the first time the lunatic had actually followed an order.
"Wait, you're suddenly a lot less funny, what gives?" Tellis asked, peering close at Solon.
"Rarity fixed my speech, but now is not the time-"
"That bitch! How dare she!" Exploding with anger Tellis's jets began to roar and spark, hissing to match their masters fury.
"What?"
"You're almost normal now! It's like I've got to start respecting you and crap!"
"What?"
"I'm going to find her and get her to fuck you up again!" And with that Tellis blasted off into the sky in search of the white unicorn.
".....I hate everyone."
"Don't say that Princess, we love you!"
Looking down Solon watched as a small blue and green maned pony in a environment protecting cloak polished his chassis.
"Why do you keep calling me Princess?"
"Huh? I did Warsmith?" the un-named pony asked, looking perplexed.
"Yes, right before, you called me -"
*clink*
Looking up, the Warsmith saw to his growing dread the edge of a golden tiara resting up on his head.
"There you go your Highness," proclaimed another unicorn mare with a jewelers glass as a cutie mark stitched onto the outside of her cloak.
Reaching up, Solon took the tiara and crushed it like a paper crown within his grasp.
Still this act of destruction did little deter the mare and she returned to a blacksmith anvil that Solon knew hadn't been there a moment ago. "Didn't like it huh? Well don't worry, me and the girls promise you we'll make something suitable for you before you can say 'ascension'!"
All around him Solon could see work benches and crafting tables set up with nearly a dozen ponies working at them on various jewels and wires of precious metals. Off to the side by the anvil a small forge had sprung up with two ponies melting down ingots of gold, silver, and platinum.
"Has everyone else gone insane or is this some kind of new bio-weapon?" Solon mused, his sensors taking in air and soil samples.
He had even managed to take several blood samples from willing volunteers around him, an actual line of ponies forming for him to take their blood when a buzzing in the air occurred, all the ponies around him licking their teeth at the sensation.
From out of a burst of light General Sliver strode, his imposing bulk causing several around him to backpedal to get out of his way.
"I heard from that foolish Teliss that you have gained ssome meassure of resspect, iss it true?"
Straightening up Solon turned towards his second in command. "Sliver, it is good to see you. There seems to be some sort of contagion affecting the ponies .... and Tellis. We need to determine if it has spread to the human population as well."
"...... Iss thiss ssome ssort of joke?"
"Sliver?"
Pointing an accusing finger towards his leader and commander, the Nurgle worshiper spat as he looked on with disgust. "Jusst when I thought I could sstop being asshamed of my possition sserving you, you take that hope and rip it away from me!"
"Et tu Sliver?"
"I thought for once I could hold my head up high in my sservice to you,"
"You know your speech impediment is just as bad as mine was don't you?" Solon pointed out.
"but you then do thiss!" Lord Sliver bellowed, knocking off several ponies that had climbed over Solon.
"What are you talking about Sli-" Solon began before a small platinum tiara fell in front of his eyes, the rubies within it doing much to compliment his optics. Looking down Solon saw gems adorning his multitude of servo arms, wisps of lace and silk woven between them. And around his chassis a toga wrapped around him, though whether due to lack of material or because the universe hated him, and he strongly leaned towards the later, the shortness of it resembled more a short dress than toga. "..... I have honestly no idea how this hap-"
"Enough! Bad enough I sserve under a fool and losser like you," Sliver bellowed.
"Ow Sliver, I'm still your Warsmith, right?"
"But now you go and become a crosss-dressser ass well!?"
Backing away from the infuriated underling, each of his platinum shoes dug into the soil as their Nurgle green emeralds and rust red garnets glittering in the dim light of Ferrous Dominus. "Stop doing that!" Solon cried to the various ponies trying to adorn their liege.
"Everyday you make it harder and harder to keep my oath to hiss holinesss Primarch Perturabo to not ssimply kill you no matter how much I wissh to, but to protect you insstead," Sliver ranted, foam bubbling from his masks grill.
"Wait so your loyalty isn't to me but to -"
"But alwayss you find ssome new way to humiliate me even further!"
His back hitting a wall to a near by building Solon sought some way to pacify his general.
Halting, Sliver seemed to shudder as he tried to swallow his rage. "You know what? I can't even deal with you right now. I am leaving, but we will have a LONG talk when thiss iss over." And in a flash of light the Nurgle Marine was gone.
"..... what the hell is going on?"
"FATHER! I HAVE COME TO AID YOU IN YOUR BATTLE!" Swooping down, the princess of the night landed gracefully next to the confused Warsmith. Looking him up and down, Luna nodded in approval at his attire, her mind having made the sub-conscious connection of Solon=Big Pony long ago, around their fifth or so meeting within his dreams.
"I see our subjects have finally bestowed you raiment's befitting our respect towards you."
"THIS IS HOW YOU SHOW Resp..e..c.t?" His anger fading, a sense of wonder began to take hold within the fallen Marine. Even when he had his fear aura, Warsmith Solon had always had some ... difficulty with .... morale within his company. Many (all) of those under his command seeming to not take him seriously after a few words. But somehow, after Rarity had placed the dubious text-to-speech device on him, ponies had been ....respecting him. Not one had laughed at him the whole time, even Rarity had RESPECTED his personal time and left him alone! He could see it now, he could split the 38th company in half. Everyone going with Sliver, with Geala and maybe one or two others that didn't laugh at him remaining with him. Sliver could then have the command and respect he had always wanted, Tellis could be shot into the sun, and Solon could take these pathetic little ponies and with hard work and augmentation, a LOT of augmentation, remake the entire race as loyal and RESPECTFUL members of a technologically advanced and innovative race of chaos beings! It would take time, a lot of time, but if these ponies continued to worship *tap* him as they were now, he could see a vision, a vision of *tap* a race of beings loyal onto him, obeying his every suggestion and working *tap* towards *tap* -
"Yes, what is it?" Solon groaned, his mind being brought back to reality. Below him a small pony with a dataslate in his mouth tapped on his leg.
"Is it time for court your highness?"
"What?"
"Ah yes! Court! It is indeed time for you to entertain the requests from the peasantry Father!"
Turning his head Solon could see a line of ponies, all of them with parchment or dataslates in their mouths forming before him, the end obscured as the line snaked around building corners and out of sight.
And just like that the vision became a nightmare. An endless stream of ponies making requests of him to improve their lives. Already his nights and hours of his week were taken up by just seven and a half (Big Mac didn't really bother him too much) ponies. But all those hours of useful work time lost still grated on him. But now, he could see a parade of pretty pony petitioners prancing purposefully into his forge. Any hope for productive work time gone under the tsunami of inane work orders. In fact, maybe Rarity hadn't really respected his time, maybe she just assumed he was already working on other pony requests and it'd be faster to have someone else work on her orders.
"Father? Will you not preside over your court?"
Solon raised his arm, ponies backing away instinctively as they sensed the displeasure radiating from the Princess before them. Grasping the device responsible for all of this, Solon ripped the text-to-speech device off. Blinking their eyes all ponies except Luna around FD shook their heads and looked at the Warsmith before them. Ripping off the tiara, shoes, and all other raiment's, Solon's right arm twisted and reconfigured itself in moments before firing a sphere of pure destructive power at the remains of his brief Pony Princesshood.
"Fuck thish planet. I can't leave fasht enough." Solon muttered, stomping off towards his forge.
"Warsmith?" Luna called out after him before she noticed that the line of pony petitioners had switched over to her. Sighing Luna sat down and began a long night of tending to her subjects.
Author's Note
This was originally in the comments section of Entrenchment, a story by the great writer SFAccountant.
This is my first time writing and posting so thank you everyone for reading.