Ponies of the Battlefield

by Juggernaut

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover, Human
Length: 3789

Comedic BF3 crossover.

Dead Eye, Bullet Spray, and Fixit. Three soldiers forced into a world not like their own. Can they keep their secret? Can they adapt to normal life in Equestria? Most importantly, can Fixit ignore Dead Eye, and Bullet Spray's antics? Probably not.

BF3 crossover.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-24 22:35:05 UTC

Prologue

At the league of doom AKA Operation Firestorm

The American recon grabbed the ladder, and climbed the next platform. The sound of battle was loud. Gunshots, Helicopters, Jets, Tanks, and the occasional whiny child. As the recon climbed the ladder, he could see a U.S. attack helicopter spinning out of controll. The tail was on fire, and it seemed to be sending out a distress signal.

The recon pulled himself up from the ladder to the platform. He could see the battlefield in all it's gorey glory.  The recon, nicknamed "Dead Eye" for his skill with any type of scoped rifle, set up his M40A5 on the rail. He wasn't too far away from the fight, so Dead Eye had to watch is back for any type of RU soldier coming to stab him in the back.

He aimed down the 12x zoom scope, and scanned for RU soldiers. Seeing none, he decided to climb to a higher platform to see more of the action. He jumped on the ladder like a spider monkey. He pulled himself onto the next platform just in time to see a RU jet spin out of controll, and blow up mid air. The pieces of the jet fell out of the sky, and rained down in the warehouse area. Probably crushing a few unlucky people.

Dead Eye sighed, he didn't like killing people. He was a jokester, prankster, and anything else you could think that is immature for a 23 year old elite USMC sniper. The recon ran up to the edge of the platform, and examined the battlefield again.

The deafening sound of a sonic jet hitting full speed peirced the air. Moments later an american "Super Hornet" Flew right over the platform, shooting bursts at a target unkown to Dead Eye.

The sniper set up his rifle on the safety rail, and looked through his scope. He saw a squad of three, an engineer, a medic, and a support. They seemed to be standing on a big random piece of metal inserted into the groun in the middle of the desert.

Curious, Dead Eye opened comms with the squad.

"Hey... Did you find anything?" Dead Eye asked. He saw the support jump at the sudden voice comming from his radio.

"Who is this?" The support said, he sounded young, maybe even younger than Dead Eye.

"I'm a sniper, I can see you through my scope. You look like you found something interesting..." Dead Eye explained. He did a quick scan for any targets out in the open before looking back at the squadron.

The support sat down on the edge of the large metal piece, as his squad-mates tried to pry something that was on the center of the metal. "We did, it's an underground bunker entrance, but it's locked which drives us to belive that there are Russians inside." The support said, he stood up, and looked around for any type of Russian ground forces. "Hey.. would you mind covering us, while we blow this thing open?" The support finished.

"Sure," Dead Eye said. "Any enemy ground forces that show their face won't have one if they're out of cover too long!"

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Point of View: Code-Name Bullet Spray

I turned off my radio, and turned to my squad-mates. "We have a recon covering us, let's blow it!" I said enthusiastically. What... I like blowing things up...

I set a C4 on the small door, and backed off about ten feet. My squad-mates were already out of the blast area, so I didn't have to wait for them. I set the C4 off, and it peeled the metal like a huge square banana. The door was gone, and the area around it looked... Well... Blown up, I guess.

"Let's move in!" The engineer of my squad commanded. He jumped into the darkness, and seconds later a 'thump' was heard. "It's only about five feet, c'mon let's go!"

I was the next one in, then the medic. It was a dark tunnel, about five feet tall, and about six feet in width.  The engineer had a flashlight on his G36c, so he went first.

"Man... It's dark in here..." The medic said.

"What gave you that idea?" I asked, full of sarcasm. He glared at me, and then went back to watching for RU soldiers. The LMG was starting to feel heavier in my hands. Some sand was starting to come in through the cracks in the stone wall, and some was piling onto the floor. It was now I noticed that there was a two inch layer of sand on the stone floor.

"Hey, are you guys worried about the bunker caving in, at all?" I asked, a tiny bit worried... Okay, I was freaking out, but is that really important?

"The walls look tough enough." One of my squad-mates said, I couldn't tell which one.

"Hey! There's a light up ahead!" The engineer said, suprised. "Pick up the pace."

The tunnel opened up into a huge cavern. It seemed to be an underground control center. I aimed down the iron sights on my M240, and scanned for russians. We walked ahead a few feet, before the ground started rumbling, and the ceiling, and the walls.

"BACK TO THE TUNNEL!" The medic commanded, and then, along with the engineer, sprinted back into the tunnel we recently walked out of. I was too shocked to move though.

I could only stare, as I realized that it was too late to run. The cave started to collapse around me, and I could only stand still, and stare at all of the destruction.

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Dead Eye stared as the ground near the metal opening caved in. He quickly tried to contact the support again, but all he heard was static.  "Damn..." He said, frowning slightly. Dead Eye sighed, and decided to get back to sniping enemies.

The battle had been going on for about four hours, and the land was full of craters from tanks, helicopters, mines, grenades, or anything else that you could think of.

Dead Eye saw a russian machine gunner on a building. He was pinning down a squad with his RPK-74. Dead Eye calculated the distance, and the wind, and then set his scope to make his gun accurate. The soldier aimed a little bit above the russian, it seemed to be hours as Dead Eye slowly pulled the trigger. A deafening sound echoed through the battlefield, and a bullet sped through the hot desert air towards the enemy soldier.

The bullet hit the soldier, and pierced his head. The RU soldier dropped to the ground. A small blood puddle leaked out from the hole in his head. Dead Eye pulled the bolt back, and the shell popped out, and rolled around on the ground. Dead Eye was about to aim down the scope again, when he heard a creak behind him.

When he turned there was a russian soldier with his knife out. Dead Eye quickly equiped his M9, and lined the iron sights up with the russian soldier, who was suprised that the recon knew he was there.

Before he could pull the trigger, an out of control Havoc crashed into the tower both of the soldiers were on.

Fixit's in Town

Several things flashed through the young spetsnaz soldier's mind. Fighting over a oil compound. Getting ordered to kill an enemy recon... Failing to kill said recon. The cold sting of death... Wait... DEATH!?!? The russian regained consiousness, but still had his eyes closed. He felt a small sting near his elbow, but that was good. If you can still feal pain, that means you're still alive.

He decided to test out his limbs, and senses. He could hear the sounds of a forest, but his ears felt... Pointier? Is that even a word? He could taste dirt, and his mouth felt different. His... Lower half, as some people would put it. He could feel that he hadn't lost it in the crash, but like the rest of his body it felt different. Legs? Different. Arms? Different. Wings? That's new...

The russian, code named "Fixit" after fixing a T90 tank, while being pinned down by several enemies, opened his eyes immediately, and sat up. Well, just like he felt, he looked different too. He seemed to be a dark blue pony, and he had a black tail. The russian couldn't see his mane, but it was probably black, as he had a black tail, and he had black hair back when he was a normal human.

Great. Fixit, the high-ranking spetsnaz operative was now a childrens play-toy.

Fixit had enough of sitting around on his... Damn, what are the horse's behinds called.... Flank! He decided it was time to check out were he was, and he probably had to look into the fact that he was A FREAKING HORSE! Standing up felt strangely natural, like he had walked on horse legs his whole life.

He was in a field, surrounded by forest. Birds flew over head, and every few seconds there was another stange animal noise. Fixit hadn't took another step before he heard growling. He muttered 'of course' and turned towards the source of the sound.

Fixit frooze in his tracks. A wooden wolf with glowing eyes was staring angrily at him. Fixit ran, but not before making a high-pitched squeal. He could hear the wolf like creature chasing him as he ran blindly though the forest. He couldn't help but think about how the creature was made of wood...

"Hah, you're made of erected reproductive organs!" Fixit yelled back at the creature. 'massacred that joke' He thought.

Fixit could see a clearing up ahead and hoped there'd be something to help him with his life threatening situation.

It wasn't just a clearing. There was a whole town at the bottom of the hill he was currently positioned on. Fixit wanted to stop to take a break from running, but hearing a wooden flesh eater only a few feet behind you, kinda motivates you.

Instead of galloping down the hill, Fixit rolled down the hill. He jumped into the air, and curled up into a ball, and sped down the exceptionally steep hill. It was kind of fun, at least until Fixit belly flopped into a fence, rattling it to the point were he thought it would break.

The former human shook it off, and climbed the fence he had just mega-flopped into. Fixit sat and stared at what he saw on the other side.

It seemed to be a market area, but everybody who was present were not humans. They were ponies, multicolored ponies. Some even had wings, or horns.

Fixit was was snapped out of it when the fence burst open right behind him. Making most of the ponies there gasp, and turn towards the source of the sound.

Fixit went tumbling along with the wolf. He was on top of the wolf before it used it's back legs to kick him off. He fell on his back a few feet away, and the wooden flesh eater pounced on him. It's claws digging into Fixit.

By now all of the ponies had backed off, but were watching the fight from a distance. Fixit was trying to push the wolf's razor sharp teeth away from him before he remembered a tactic he learned in training.

*SNAP*

Fixit snapped the monstrocity's neck, making what seemed to be blood pour through the cracks in the wood, but it was actually tree sap.

Fixit, tired from the fight, passed out on the spot, but not before spitting on the corpse of the wooden monster.

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Only a few moments after Fixit passed out, a very confused Dr. Whooves turned to his friend, Derpy, and asked. "D-Did that just happen?"

PP and DE (Quick Chapter next will be longer)

Images flashed through the young man's mind. Being trained as a U.S. Marine recon, going out to war, geting the nickname "Dead Eye," Being killed by a huge flying hunk of metal, AKA jet. The soldier felt the cold sting of death, but he was still alive, at least he thought he was. How was this possible?

The soldier felt a something soft under him, and he was wrapped in warm, soft, stuff he presumed was blankets.

'So I'm back at the HQ, in the hospital wing.... I hope.' The soldier felt... Different. Like he wasn't in his own body. He groaned, and shook his head slowly.

"YOU'RE AWAKE!? YAY!" An excited voice yelled.  The marine suddenly sat up, and his eyes snapped open. His jaw almost hit the floor when he saw his surroundings.

He was in a pink room. PINK ROOM.  Everything was PINK. He was on a soft bed, the blanket was pink, and the mattress was, you probably guessed it, pink. There was a mirror on the other side of the room, but he didn't bother looking in the it.

The thing that stuck out the most, was a pink pony, with a darker pink mane.

"D-did you just talk?!" The marine asked, confused, and a little frightened. The pink pony nodded quickly. She nodded so fast her head became a blur. When she stopped her eyes were messed up, and she was visibly woozy. She looked as though she was trying not to fall down. The marine responded with a quiet 'oh my god...'

"Where am I?" The recon asked, he was obviously a little scared.

"You're in Sugarcube-Corner silly!" The pink pony said again. He couldn't trust her.

"No I'm not! I've probably been captured by the Russians. You're just some experiment ment to get captured Americans to talk!" The american sniper accused.

"What's Russians?" The pony asked innocently. He didn't belive her yet.

"J-just let me go.... I'll make you feel good..." He said shamefully.

"I don't get what you mean" The pony replied, confused.

"Hmmm... How do I explain this without bumping this story up to mature?...."  The soldier thought out loud. The pink pony stared for a while before talking again.

"Just forget it. My name's Pinkie Pie, what's yours?" The talking, pink, pony, who's name was aparently 'Pinkie Pie.'

'I should just use my nick-name' Thought the marine.

"It's Dead Eye, now where am I, country wise?" Dead Eye asked.

"You're in Equestria, of course!" Pinkie Pie said. "You're also in Ponyville, you're also on 3rd street, and you're also in my room!"  She said in only about three seconds. All without taking a single pause inbetween words.

"Ok, Ok... Calm down.... Also, how did I get here?" Dead Eye asked. Secretly, he didn't trust her yet, but he would play along... For now.

"I found you in the alleyway yesterday, I couldn't leave you there! Some ponies stared at me while I was dragging you into my house, I wonder why..." Pinkie Pie said again, without any pauses.

"Yeah... I wonder why..." Dead Eye agreed, although sarcastically.

"Do you want to have a tour of Ponyville?" Pinkie asked excited.

"Sure, no reason not to" Dead Eye answered.

"Come on! I can't wait to show you to my friends!" Pinkie hopped around, excitedly.

Dead Eye jumped out of the bed, and tried to stand up. He ended up falling down onto his rump. Pinkie giggled.

"Silly Dead Eye, ponies don't walk on their back legs!" She said, she had a large smile, and she was still hopping.

"What?!" Dead Eye said, suprised. He struggled to get over to the mirror he saw earlier. He nearly screamed at what he saw.

A  stallion, just a bit larger than Pinkie stared back at him.

Code-named: Bullet Spray

"Oh shit... What the hell just happened?" Said the U.S. Machine Gunner, panting heavily. He was groggy, and he could feel that he was lying back-down on grass. Immediately, he felt that something was wrong... He opened his eyes to see a incredibly bright cartoon styled sky, with a few cartoon birds flying around above him. "What. The. Hell." The soldier said, eyes wide.

He brought his hand to his face to see if he was cartoonized too, but realized that he had a bright yellow stub for a hand.

He pushed himself into a upright sit almost immediately. He slowly looked around where he was, still panting heavily.

He saw that he was in a field, full of bright colors, and in the distance he saw a small village. "Why does everything look like a goddamned cartoon?" The support said, his southern accent had a touch of fear in it. He then looked down at himself, remembering that he had a bright yellow stub for a hand.

"I must of hit my head pretty hard..." He said, his voice full of worry.

He... He had a bright yellow horse body, he also had a brown, bushy tail protruding from underneath him. The former human, not being able to cope with the reality, thought it was a side affect from being in a cave in, and it was just a dream.

'Might as well enjoy this...' The former human said, in his mind. He first tried to stand up on his hind legs, it was instinct. He lived his whole life walking on his hind legs that he didn't think about his new body not being able to do it. When he fell, he fell hard. A thump was heard, and it hurt pretty bad.

'Damn! That hurt a lot more than I thought it would... Wait a minute... You don't feel pain in dreams... He thought about while he got onto all four of his appendages. Could THIS be real?  He really didn't want to think about it. He swore silently as he faced the village he saw earlier.

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The walk to the village was long and boring, apparently it was much, much, much farther away than it looked. He walked for about 20 minutes, all the way, he was deep in thought about what was going on.

'What the hell?  What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? He repeated for a while. 'I thought this was a freaking dream, but man... That fall really fuckin' hurt!'

As the ex-human walked into the village, he was greeted by other ponies of various colors. He noticed one thing. That they all had tattoo type things on their asses. He looked at his own to see if he had one, and he did! It was a bullet-belt. The bullets were the color you'd expect, and the belt holding the cases together was gray.

He quickly snapped out of looking at his 'mark', as he realized he was getting a lot of stares. After all, he was standing in the middle of a town, admiring his own butt.

He moved along, slowly trotting down the pony filled street. He was calm and normal on the outside, as if he was native to the land, but on the inside, he was freaking out. There was one other thing that he saw that was really weird... Well... Two things. One, a pink pony dragging an unconscious jet black stallion out of an alley. Two, a blue pony with what seemed to be a Russian accent tumbling down a hill, soon followed by a creature that seemed to be made out of wood.

The former U.S. Soldier moved along, trying to stay out of the spotlight... Until he met a certain purple unicorn.

He bumped into her in a market. She stumbled a bit, and used her telekinesis spell to grab all of her stuff before it fell to the ground. As for Bullet-Spray... He barely moved an inch, but he did show concern. "I'm really sorry, miss. Are you alright?" He asked. Secretly surprised at how she seemed to just carry things with her horn.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine!" The purple pony said, rubbing her face with her hoof. She looked up at Bullet-Spray, and widened her eyes.

"What is it, miss? Do I have something in my teeth?" The stallion said, his southern accent filled with confusion.

".... No, but follow me, if I tell you what's wrong here, someone might eavesdrop on the conversation, and overreact." The purple pony said, in a low whisper.

She waved her hoof, for him to come with her, and she started trotting out of the market. He followed, worried enough to trust that this strange pony wasn't just going to lure him into an alley, and mug him.

The purple pony trotted on for another three to four minutes, until she got to a library, this library was different to the ones that Bullet-Spray have had the freedom to not go to before. This one was carved from a huge tree, which made it way more interesting to go inside.

As soon as Bullet-Spray walked inside, she shut the door behind him. She turned towards him, and looked at him, examining him. After a while she backed off, realizing she was entering his personal space. "Oh, sorry!" She said, backing up a few feet. She cleared her throat and started talking. "My name's Twilight Sparkle, I run this library." She examined him for a few more seconds before saying. "The thing I wanted to tell you was that... There's an ancient magic emanating off of you. This specific form of magic hasn't been seen for centuries. This type of magic was first used by Discord, the god of chaos." She took a deep breath in.

"So... before I do some serious testing, I must know your name." She said.

'Think, man. Think! What should I use for my name?!' The former human screamed inside of his head. In about six seconds he came to a decision.

"My name is Bullet Spray."