RT Ep.5: Just Sign It!

by MasterOfNintendo

Rating: everyone
Tags: Fluttershy, Science Fiction, Random, Adventure, Discord, Crossover, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 2661

A little filler tale of Twilight's newfound "friends" after that hectic time with the Lord of Hell.

Z-Squared and Sir are Twilight's employers. Well, Sir fits the bill even more, but they both count nonetheless. Even they have their own troubles. Like having a group of Satanists chase them from just because they had an encounter with Satan himself.

Yeah. Life is complicated.

Published 2016-07-16 05:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-16 05:30:01 UTC

Run! Sir and Z-Squared Vs. The Satanists!

Previously on the Review Team...

After that disastrous adventure involving Satan, an ass-kicking, and the god of Cartoon Network himself (indirectly), the team, after watching The Student of Prague, decides to take a breather and relax for the day. As you will see, that's a bit asking much.

Everyone in the headquarters was just chillin' and illin'. Godzilla and Twilight were getting some much deserved rest, Basil, Mothra, and Fluttershy followed suit, Marceline was listening to her I-pod, and Megatron was trying to read a book (all about Genghis Khan) while Discord annoyed him with a piece of string. Finn was talking with Mr. Freeze on how to forget what he just saw in Hell. Freeze himself was busy polishing the sword of Sir and Z-Squared, because of a bet he lost earlier (don't ask.)

Z-Squared was going to the bathroom to remind Sir that groceries needed to be bought. Of course, one would question why Z-Squared couldn't just wait for Sir to get out of the shower but...

"GAH! BROTHER!" Sir screamed as the shower curtains were removed.

Z-Squared rolled his eyes. "Look, bro, you don't have a physical body. There's nothing for me to see. No need to get embarrassed." Then he thought to himself 'Gee, a relief for the guys and a disappointment for the ladies.'

Sir floated out and seemed to scold him. "Yes, brother, I am well aware I lack the compartments for embarrassment by nudity but really, you must understand I am sensitive." And with that, he assembled his armor pieces around his orb. "I understand you wish to remind me about groceries. Why come to me when you can leave a message on your voicemail?"

"Well, since you're the only one who knows jack about how to work the teleporter, of course I'd come to you for advice!" Z-Squared countered.

Sir rubbed the temples of his helmet and directed him towards the teleporter room. "Well, you flip the right switch 2 times back and forth. Then you press the go button repeatedly until you hear a small noise like a doorknob. If you are doing this alone, then, after hearing the noise, I suggest you enter the blue beam quickly."

Z-Squared swore he heard a cricket noise in the background after that hefty amount of exposition, but he said "Okay. I get it. We need a better system. Now, beam me up, Sir."

"I think you mean 'down to Earth', brother." Sir retorted as he worked the controls.

Z-Squared face-palmed. "What? You never watched Star Trek?" he replied. And with that, Z-Squared disappeared in a blue light.

Later at a Whole Foods in Dallas,

Z-Squared found in himself in a relatively dim-lighted store as opposed to the bright lights that he had come to expect. The place was already deathly quiet. Something obviously wasn't right.

Then he heard it: "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!!! SO GLAD YOU COULD COME HERE!!!"

The sound hurt Z-Squared's ears and he turned to see a fat guy in a black garment. He had black sunglasses and he had the worse case of acne yet. The man then said "I HEARD FROM THE LORD OF DARKNESS THAT YOUR TOTALLY MET HIM! I SAW IT IN A VISION! I mean sure, the alcohol was kicking in, BUT STILL!"

Z-Squared was surprised the heck out. "Hey, not to interrupt your violation of the indoor voice but, who are you?"

"I'M THE LEADER OF THE DISCIPLES OF SATAN! THE GUY RULES ALL!!! THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE GANG ARE ALL HERE!" The man replied.

Z-Squared still wanted a few answers to a few questions. "Okay, first off, it's 8:00 in the morning. Why is the place emptier than Stephanie Myer's romantic tastes?"

"WELL, THEY DECIDED TO CLOSE TO PLACE TO RESTOCK ACCORDING TO THE INTERNET! WE HAD TO TUNNEL UNDERGROUND TO GET HERE! MORE EXPLANATION IS FOR NOOBS! AND I BET YOU'RE WONDERING WHY WE'RE SYCHED TO HAVE YOU HERE!!!"

Z-Squared seriously considered getting Sir on the phone to beam him back up. "You told me a few sentences ago. I met Satan according to a possibly alcohol induced vision and now I am asking you to get the hell away from me. No pun intended."

"DUDE, START ACTING RADICAL! ALL YOU'VE GOTTA DO IS SIGN THIS CONTRACT WE ALL HOLD! IT'LL GIVE YOU SO MUCH IN RETURN! HOUSES, BABES, EVERYTHING!"

"No thanks! Yes, I met the guy. But I have no intention at all to meet him again!" He then got out his phone as the other members looked at each other in confusion. "Bro, get that teleporter up and running! There's a bunch of maniacs that are dead-set on making me sign a deal with Satan."

He then heard Sir say "Well, not to worry, NoRockUmHardSein sent me a new piece of teleporter technology. I am going to test it by sending you back up. Now-"

"ENOUGH RAMBLING!" Z-Squared shouted. "THEY'RE STARTING TO LOOK AT ME FUNNY!"

And with that, Z-Squared as sent back into the headquarters...

...along with the Disciples. Z-Squared looked at his surprised brother with an expression of utter contempt. "Bro...what exactly was the description?"

"Multiple people can teleport at the same time, it appears. The description was vague." Sir replied sheepishly.

"DUUUDE! LOOK AT ALL THESE FLASHING BUTTONS! HEY, YOU! SIGN!!!" Immediately, Sir was about to snap his fingers to make everyone forget about what just happened, but nothing happened. "DUDE, BEING A DISCIPLE MAKES YOUR SUPER-IMMUNE TO MAGIC! YEAH!"

Sir and Z-Squared looked at each other. "You've got your sword?" Z-Squared asked.

"It is being polished by Mr. Freeze in the dressing room along with yours." Sir replied.

"So, does that mean-"

"Yes. LET US RETRIEVE THEM!" And with that Sir and Z-Squared tried to run...

...only for the leader of the Disciples to stop them. "OH NO, YOU DON'T! WHAT'S THIS BUTTON DO!?" He said.

Sir looked in horror as the leader kept pressing the button. "NO! If you continue to press that with the upgrade as well, all you shall do is-"

BZIT!

"What the heck?" Twilight swore she heard a noise, but she ignored it.

Meanwhile in Bikini Bottom,

BZIT! "

-Ruin it!" Sir finished. He and Z-Squared then noticed where they were.

"AW, CRAP!" Z-Squared stated. "First of all, I don't know how we're breathing water. Second, we're in the area I've always wanted to forget. Third, are those looneys STILL chasing us?"

"SIGN!" Said the oncoming crowd heading towards them.

"Apparently, yes. CONTINUE RUNNING!" Sir said as the chase began.

Along the way, they ran into a massive Easter Island and they entered without a second thought. A humanoid squid wearing nothing but a brown T-Shirt certainly didn't expect company.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, SPONGE-" Squidward immediately noticed it wasn't the cubic terror at his doorstep. It was Sir and Z-Squared holding back the door. "Look, I don't know who you 2 are, but I have hot date right now." As it appeared, Squidward was putting on a tuxedo.

Z-Squared forgot about the crowd outside and shook his tentacle. "Hey, congratulations! I always rooted for you! Who's the lucky lady?"

"Well-" Before Squidward could continue, the crowd burst in.

BZIT!

Meanwhile in Elmore,

BZIT!

"Alright, where are we now?" Z-Squared asked.

He and Sir immediately noticed Squidward gasping for air and Sir made an air bubble for him. Squidward rose up and said "What just happened?"

"Well, it appears we have teleported to a...halfway decent suburb area." Sir explained.

"Hey! Something to liven up the day!"

What came out of the house was the most nightmarish dragon anyone has ever seen. It was cyborg in look, but all the shapes that made up its body were just...wrong. The claws were extra long, the limbs were contorted, and the long tooth filled grin was even worse. The glowing yellow eyes gave off a threatening and insane visage. Squidward screamed and hid behind the bushes.

"And you are?" Z-Squared asked, a bit unnerved.

"Names Meta Ridley. Meta-Ridley Watterson!" The dragon then spoke in a dramatic voice. "And you are, fellow travelers?"

"Hello, dad? What's going on?" asked an anthropomorphic kitten about the age of 12, who had just opened to door to look upon the madness.

"Um, nothing, Gumball! Just a bunch of inter-dimensional freakshows who apparently are being chased by a crowd of people who had just acquired some traditional farming equipment to possibly un-alive them. Just another Tuesday."

The kitten, named Gumball apparently, looked confused at the whole scenario and what his dad had just said, so he decided to just head on back and keep repeating to himself "It's all in my head. All in my head."

"SIGN IT!" The crowd shouted.

Sir pointed to Meta-Ridley. "You! Do you have any conventional weaponry to kill them to death?"

"BWAHAHAHAHA!" The dragon laughed. "What did you just say?"

Sir looked flabbergasted. "I simply said that there is no other option then to kill them to death."

Squidward, who had just gotten out of the bushes, and Z-Squared both shouted "HE'S LAUGHING BECAUSE-"

BZIT!

Meanwhile in Farboro,

BZIT! "

-OF HOW YOU'RE SAYING THAT LAST BIT!" Z-Squared and Squidward finished. Then, all 4 of the ragtag group found themselves in a dark room with a door in front of them.

"You sure we should get out of here until that group realizes we're here?" Said a serious voice in Meta-Ridley's head.

"Ooo! Ooo! I say we just un-alive them all!" Said a screwball voice in Meta-Ridley's head.

Of course, the others decided to open the door themselves and the 4 bolted out to escape the soon-to-arrive group of Disciples. However, upon exiting...

"MY EYES! MY EYES! THEY BURN!!!" Z-Squared and Squidward shouted as they were assaulted by an array of multiple colors so bright that it almost burned their retinas. Meta-Ridley followed suit. Sir simply obscured is vision by using a sort of visor to blot out any beams of eye-piercing color.

"GAH! EVEN THOUGH I CAN SEE IT BETTER, I DON'T LIKE WHAT I'M SEEING!!!!" shouted both Meta-Ridley and the voices in his head. "WHY DIDN'T KRONOS JUST DO THIS WORLD IN?!"

"Hey, there's a problem!" said a weird anteater...dog...thing.

"Letz SOLVE IT!" said a cybernetic...uh...thing.

BLAM!

That noise came from one of Meta-Ridley's concealed guns. Eyes reddened, he reloaded. "Your show sucks. Plain and simple." Meta-Ridley stated as the trio of weirdoes looked on, frightened.

"SIGN!" shouted the oncoming crowd.

Sir pushed away any character that had to do with whatever hellhole of a show they've entered. He was defiantly NOT going to let these abominations join them on this tirade of madness.

BZIT!

Meanwhile in the Hall of Legends (located in the Nintendo Universe),

"And that is all for today, everyone." Arceus proclaimed to her subjects.

BZIT!

The foursome found themselves in the room with all the legendary Pokémon. Squidward and Z-Squared were still rubbing their eyes in pain.

"Please! No more! I can't take it! I can't take anymore out-of-control teleports! There's like a bazillion of them here!" Z-Squared shouted.

"Alright, Darkrai. Is this your doing?" Suicune asked.

"As much as I would LOVE to admit it, no." Darkrai replied.

"SIGN! FOR THE LAST TIME, SIGN!" the crowd continued to shout as they approached the foursome.

"Hey! You look like you could kick some ass! Send them the hell out of here!" Meta-Ridley shouted to Yvietal.

"Okay, I'll try." the demon-bird answered. As he prepared an attack...

BZIT!

"Well, that was weird." Cresselia remarked.

"Wait, where did Yvietal go?" Deoxys asked.

Meanwhile at the Review Team Headquaters,

BZIT!

Now, everyone was back home. The five of them looked extremely tired sans Yvietal, who just looked confused.

"SI-"

"ENOUGH!" Shouted Sir, Z-Squared, and Squidward as they cut them off.

"We have been hopping from world to world, universe to universe, and it is at this point we wish for a rest! I am still wondering what you were doing in a closed Whole Foods store waiting for a random person to walk in and have you proclaim that he/she needs to sign a piece of soul-damning paper!" Sir shouted.

"WE'LL KILL YOU ALL! WE'LL KILL YOU TO DEATH!" Meta-Ridley shouted. Everyone looked at him oddly. "What? If the Knight can do it, so can I."

"I have no idea what's going on. Can I go home, now?" Yvietal nervously said.

Sir composed himself and, before Squidward could make a retort, said "Actually, the signing room is right there!" He pointed to a room that seemed odd looking but okay.

"DUDE! ALRIGHT! LET'S GO!" The Disciples flocked over with the leader in front. "ALRIGHT! SIGN NO-"

The door closed on them and the title of the room appeared in neon lights:

AIR LOCK

With that, the Disciples were sent into space, where they lifelessly drifted away and burned into the atmosphere.

Sir chuckled to himself. "Finally." He sighed. "Now to send you all back to your respective Universes."

Everyone got onto the platform in which they would be teleported one at a time.

"Wait until Arceus hears about this." Yvietal said as he was teleported.

"Hey, can we 'Universe-hop' some time next wee-" Meta-Ridley was cut short when he was teleported.

"Ah, the nightmare's over. I just hope Laura is a forgiving person." Squidward said as he was teleported.

After that was done, Z-Squared looked at Sir. "Bro. I just hope this isn't the usual excuse for a breather episode."

Sir just chuckled as he said "Well, fate does not make promises."

"Excuse me!" Twilight said as she entered the room. "What's with all the noise?"

The brothers looked at each other. This was going to be interesting.

Meanwhile in the Hall of Legends,

BZIT!

"There you are, Yvietal!" Arceus said as the demon bird was brought back. "I could have sworn Xerneus was worried about you."

"She was?" Yvietal looked up, looking hopeful.

"Well, maybe." Arceus corrected herself. Yvietal groaned.

Meanwhile in Elmore,

BZIT!

"Honey! You're okay!" Nicole Watterson rushed and hugged her husband along with the rest of the family a few moments after Meta-Ridley teleported back.

Immediately, the dragon looked at all of them and said "Look, it's great to be back but...what sights do I have to share with you all! What horror have I have yet to share!"

"What are you talking about, dad?" Darwin asked.

"Hoo, boy." replied the serious voice in Meta-Ridley's head.

Meanwhile in Bikini Bottom,

BZIT!

Squidward was greeted by the sight of his surprised date, a Milotic with arms named Laura.

"Squidward, where have you been?" she asked, apparently concerned. "I had to deal with that yellow sponge and his pink friend before you got back."

Squidward, deep inside, was panicking. 'Oh, gee! Your first date with her and already, you screw up!' He thought. "Well, it's a long story." He finally said.

"Does it involve visitors from another world?" she inquired.

"Yes, actually! Wait, how did you know?" Squidward asked, confused.

"Because I don't remember seeing a bunch of water-breathing humans making a mess of things in the Krusty Krab as an everyday occurrence. Other than that, maybe it's just a hunch."

"Oh, it's more than that." Squidward replied.

The End

Author's Note

Cast:

Sir, Z Squared, and the Disciples-Themselves
Godzilla 2000, Rayquaza, and Mewtwo-Patrick Siez
Twilight Sparkle and Laura-Tara Strong
Finn-Jeremy Shada
Megatron-Frank Welker
Discord-John De Lancie
Mr. Freeze-Arnold Schwarzenegger
Marceline-Olivia Olsen
Fluttershy-Andrea Libman
Basil-Billy Zane
Mothra, and Cresselia-Christina Valenzuela
Squidward-Rodger Bumpass
Meta Ridley and his voices-Nolan North
Gumball Watterson-Jacob Hopkins
Darwin Watterson-Terrell Ransom Jr.
Nicole Watterson-Teresa Gallagher
Alfe and Roba-Ben Jones
Horace-Kyle Kaplan
Arceus-Lani Minella
Yvietal-Aron Kincaid
Deoxys-Stepen Merchant

Music:

The Headquaters/Everything's Back to Normal-Onnet from Super Smash Bros Brawl
The Disciples of Satan appear-Exite Truck from Super Smash Bros Brawl
Teleporting Madness-American Idiot Instrumental from Green Day
Credits-Night Falls from Tekken Tag Tournament 2

Nothing except Sir, Z-Squared, and the Disciples of Satan belong to me.

See You Soon!