To Innocently Conquer

by Why Am I Doing This

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance, Original Character, Sex, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 24128

To take control of a nation isn't easy, but Anon took control of the world... Innocently(maybe not so at the end). He didn't want this, he didn't even know he was doing it till it was to late. Taking over the world in suck a lewd way...

Our hero Anon accidentally arrived in Equestria, and through lewd actions took over the world. Anon sure didn't know what he was doing, but those damn ponies sure did. Follow Anon as he takes over the ponies, griffons, buffaloes, yaks, dragons and whatever we can think of.

Wrote this simply because I was bored at work, and sitting on your ass doing nothing makes you think, and when you think, you think of lewd thing (Thanks to all that porn).

Character tags will be added if I demand their plots

Published 2016-07-17 17:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-04 02:46:09 UTC

Chapter 1

Anon isn’t the brightest man in the world, but he should have known better. Getting yourself piss drunk at the local pub in a town he had just moved to six hours ago, was by far, the second dumbest thing he’s ever done.

Since Anon just got here he had no friends to guide him home, and the pub owner as well as the locals couldn’t care less.

Earlier than he usually would have called it a night but later then he should of, our hero stumbled out of the pub. Not knowing where to go, he started wandering the empty dim lit streets. The last place he vaguely remembered were the gates to the big ass park this town had for some reason.

***************************

Princess Celestia was having a good day, she was lucky enough to catch a break during day court, which rarely ever happens. Although followed by her four personal bodyguards, she intended to have a nice relaxing time in the royal gardens.

The royal gardens smelled of mouth watering flowers, singing birds, buzzing bees and the serene bubbling coming from one of the many fountains. The sun smiled warmly down upon her.

‘Today’s such a nice relaxing day, I hope nothing will ruin this.’ Thought Celestia, and of course being the cruel mistress fate was, something had to happen.

Rustling came from a nearby hedge. Immediately Celestia's bodyguards jumped into action, forming a diamond formation around her, ready to take down anything harmful and give their lives if need be for their Solar Diarch.

Punishment Crust stood at the front. although an earth pony, her muscles would put any other pony to shame. Slightly bigger than the average pony, yet smaller than the princesses, she was the shield of the group, able to take anything thrown at her. Her muscles were tense, as her eyes darted left and right. Punishment was ready to jump in front of whatever projectile that came flying the Princess’ way.

On the right and left side of the princess were the two twin sisters. On the left was Shining Spear, one of the two unicorns in the group. She specialized in combat magic. With her horn charged, she eagerly awaited the evil monster to show it self, so she could make it her own grater.

Opposite Celestia was Shadow Gutter, the only pegasus on the team and sister to Shining Spear, who was nothing like her sister. As a thestral she was the only one in the group wearing night guard armor. Gutter was the defacto scrapper and spotter for the group, having the sharpest eyes and swiftest hooves, she could spot the smallest movement miles away, and be able to rob a house full of ponies, slit all their throats and none would be the wiser. Right now though as a bodyguard, it’s was her job to make sure the princess was safe. Should things go South she was ready to get Celestia out of there before she could say “cake”.

Last but not least, standing behind Celestia was Swift Thinker, the brain of the whole team. Being the smallest and youngest of them all, she made up with brain power. Able to process information ten times faster than your everyday pony, making her the only pony in three centuries to make Celestia stop and think during their chess games, though she has yet to beat Celestia. The moment she heard the rustling, she conjured a shield bubble around the Princess, thinking of nineteen situations that might happen and already planning countermeasures for all of them.

For they are the Sun’s blades and shields.

Wherever darkness lingers, wherever the monsters sleep.

They’ll be there, and become their worst nightmares.

Separated they can bring down a thousand warriors each.

Together they can bring down a nation.

Where the Sun wills, there they will be.

For they are.

“The Dawnbreakers”

At that exact moment, the sun shined upon their glorious form, blinding whatever foul creature that might be hiding in the hedge.

And of course, they were all monologuing their oath in their head.

Celestia couldn’t hide her smile as she rolled her eyes, these four always tend to overreact when it comes to her safety.

Right now Crust was standing in front of her, clearly showing off her figure, the muscles were impressive, but she just looks cute when she keeps stealing quick glances at Celestia, making sure Celestia noticed her.

Shining Spear was overcharging her horn so much, her entire face turned red. Celestia feared that Spear might get an aneurysm. Spear was quite heartbroken when Celestia chose Twilight as her student, ever since then she’s been trying to impress her every chance she got.

As for Shadow… she just pushed herself right up to Celestia’s side, eyes half lidded and taking deep breathes.

Celestia didn't know what Swift Thinker was doing, but let’s just say she felt like she was being undressed right now, which was an odd feeling for someone who rarely ever wore clothes.

Sighing, Celestia prepared to look at them disapprovingly, to tell them she is very capable of taking care of herself. What she didn’t prepare for, was to see the strangest looking creature stumble out of the hedge.

And it was at the moment that her and her ponies lives were forever altered.

The five mares had never seen anything like the creature they were now looking at. It looked… well absolutely nothing seemed special about it. Its was as tall as Celestia if you discounted her horn. Maybe it was intelligent for it was wearing a good deal of clothes, black cloth surrounded its upper body and its forelegs? Deep blue cloth hung from its midsection all the way down it’s hind legs, white cloth clung oddly to its back paws for some reason.

But what caused all the mares to stare was its head, the only thought that came to mind was how exotic and dangerous it looked, the exciting kind of dangerous. Its face was flat and furless, the only places with fur on it were the top of its head and a little bit around the jaw. Where it should have had a snout was its mouth, slightly parted as if ready to latch onto them, sink its pointy teeth in them but not to hard, worshiping their bodys. Above the mouth was its nose, it looked like it could smell them from miles and know every dirty little secret they have. And the eyes, oh those hazy eyes… wait, hazy?

Mouth moving slightly as if saying something, it wobbled towards them, its right foreleg outstretched as if wanting to touch them.

As if woken from a trance, The Dawnbreakers sprang into action. Crust rushed to it, ready to tackle it to the ground. Spear fired her magic at it. Shadow kept using her face to push Celestia, smiling and drooling while doing so. As for their Captain, Swift Thinker, her mind broke the moment she saw the creature, mind going through all the books she read, but nothing matching it.

That’s when Celestia sprung into action, stepping through the bubble and making it pop like it was nothing, canceling Spear’s magic half way towards the sexy exotic creature. Grabbing Crust’s tail and yanking her back before she could hurt it. Crust yelped, as a blush spread across her face at the same time. Celestia was quick to use her magic to keep Shadow from falling over.

Slowly walking up to it, she examined it closely. The closest races she could compare it to, were either the Minotaurs or the Diamond Dogs.

‘Maybe its tail was cut off, is that why its wobbling? Oh dear me, it looks so confused, better make sure it’s not hurt.’ With that she quickened her pacing till she was right in front of it.

After placing a protection spell on herself (just to be safe), she tried to talk to it.

“Are you hurt? Where’s your tail,” Celestia ask softy, concern deep in her voice.

It moved its mouth but nothing intelligible came out of it, it seemed to be focusing on her horn.

Shaking her head to clear it, Swift Thinker stepped forward, worry in her eyes and alarm in her voice, “Princess! Please, stand back! It could be dangerous for all we know.”

Letting out a royal snort, she looked back to Swift. “Please Swift, you know I can protect myself, and can’t you see? It seems to be hurt.”

Looking back at him, yes, has to be a him. It looks and *sniff* smells like a strong potent male.

“Can you understand me?” Celestia asked, it looked at her, confusion in his eyes, then it changed to thinking, considering. Then it gave a single nod, never taking its eyes off Celestia’s horn.

Thinking he could understand her, she let out a sigh of release. “Good, you need to follow me, we have to get you to-”

Whatever she was going to say never got finished, for at that moment its meaty claw shot out and grabbed her horn.

***************************

Anon had been wandering for two hours now, and he still couldn't find his way out of this park! At least now he was a bit sobered up, he understood enough to know that he needed to get home before passing out. But first he was going to find the switch to that big ass spot light hanging above him.

After turning a corner, Anon noticed something strange, over the hedges and trees was some sort of castle, it looked nothing like the castles he’d seen before, for one thing, castles shouldn’t be so white with gold round domes on top of all the towers.

“Oh god, dick towers, did I find Princess Ariel's onland relatives?” And like what any man would do, Anon couldn’t help but picture reverse mermaids, and wonder how one has sex with one.

After standing there for ten minutes, taking his imaginary mermaid on a date, fucking it, and having little reverse mermaid babies. What little sanity he had left rebooted his mind, killing Miranda, little Toby and Nora.

“I didn’t know we had any duke’s living near here, and why did they build a castle in a park?” Anon said aloud to himself.

“They must own the switch to that stupid spot light, shit’s so bright and hot it feels almost like mid-day.” Setting his destination towards the castle, he walked straight through every bush, hedge and tree in his way.

Stumbling through every obstacle he could find, it took Anon half an hour to reach an opening. And there he saw the strangest sight in his life.

Standing there, close to a fountain were five horses, one big one, and four small ones. They were all huddled together, the big one in the center, surrounded by the others.

The big white one was the strangest of them all, not because it was wearing a crown, it looked weird because it was bald and tailless. The small ones at least had some sort of hair sticking out of their… helmets? But the big one was just pure white, not a spot on it.

“What the fuck...” Anon said while staring in disbelief. “who the fuck glues a horn to a horse? ”

Sure enough, some of the horses had horns glued to their heads, he could count three of them, nearly missing the small one at the back. Damn, that big white horse sure had a big ass.

The horses just kept staring at him, eyes wide. “Wait, why are their eyes so big, and what’s with the costumes they're wearing”

Looking carefully, he noticed big white has wings glued to its side, two other small horses had wings to their sides. One was dressed up like it was Halloween, with bat wings instead of feathered ones.

The one in front got the worst of it, whoever lived here was messed up, because it was clearly being fed steroids, it’s like Arnold Schwarzenegger, but a horse!

‘Whoever lived here, must be a rich motherfucker.’ Realizing they were actually wearing what seemed to be gold, Anon couldn’t help feeling jealous. ‘Someone who lives in a castle and dress horses up in gold, for fun, needs to be punched in the face, hard.

Reaching out in a friendly manner, Anon slowly moved forward. “Here, here. Let’s get you out of those costumes,”

The moment he stepped forward, three of the horses reacted. First Schwarzenegger jumped towards him, but managed to stop in mid-air. The greyish one shoved its face right into the big white horse, its little face sinking in just a bit. Then big white started towards him, grey horse is now doing a good impression of Michael Jackson’s Lean. Whoever trained these horses did a fucking good job.

The other horned horses just stood there, the one at the front looking dumbfounded and the other looking soullessly at him, as if everything it had known till that point had faded into the emptiness of deep space.

Big white walked up to him, and started to move its mouth.

*Insert intelligent sounding horse noises*

“Aww, are you trying to tell me something,” Anon cooed. As weird as it looks, it does look elegant, beautiful and quite a bit smarter than the horses he’d seen in the past. “Do you know where your owner is?”

Expecting it to act like a … well, horse. Anon was quite shocked when it shook it head.

“The fuck… did it understand me? ” Shifting his eyes up he remembered the glued horn. “Ahh, it must have wanted to get the horn off.”

Hearing more horse noises, he looked behind big white. The tiniest horned horse was now ‘speaking’ to big white. Big white snorted and looked back at the smaller horse, after some **Insert intelligent sounding horse noises**, Big white looked back at him and made some more **Insert intelligent sounding horse noises**

Big white now seemed to be looking at Anon questioningly, waiting for him to say or do something.

“Aww, horsies don’t like horns being stuck on their heads, c’mere let’s see if we can get that off you.” Anon said.

So Anon gently reached out and grabbed onto its horn.

Focused so much on its horn, Anon didn’t notice big white’s eyes roll back instantly and the soft “nay~” it let out, neither did he see the small horses jaws hit the ground, blushing furiously.

One thing that Anon did notice was the tingling warmth that spread throughout his body, from his fingertips to his toes. It was like bathing in a hot spring, making him feel drowsy. Combining that with his current drunkenness, the only thing keeping him on his feet, was te task before him. To get this horn off this horse.

After a couple minutes of gently tugging and pulling, Anon still couldn’t get it off. Looking carefully he stood on tiptoes trying to find the gap between horn and head, digging his fingers at the base but not wanting to hurt big white.

At that point big white went down, forelegs bending, and moving its head towards his lower abdomen and above his crotch. He could hear its deep breathing. ‘Huh, did it lean down so i can get better access? I must be doing something right.’

“I’m sorry if I’m hurting you,” Not looking down at her, he continued. “don’t worry, should get this off any moment.”

Anon looked up when he felt something trickle onto his hands, looking carefully he noticed some kind of liquid leaking from the tip of it horn. He squeezed harder seeing if he could get more out.

Whatever it was, it was gooey and flowing from the tip in a steady pulse, he thought it was glue at first, but dismissed that thought when he caught a whiff of it.

It… It was as if like someone took the best vanilla sponge cake, stuffed it in a liquidiser, poured some vanilla ice cream in, maybe one or two bananas, and liquidised it. After doing that, stuffed it into a cone, then put said cone on a horse’s head, and now he was squeezing said cone.

And with such an amazing scent, how could any sane man, not ~~lick it like the pre dripping from the tip of a cock that you’ve been stroking~~ stick out his tongue and give it a taste?

So, NOT influenced by his alcohol infused mind, our hero, stuck his tongue out. As if in slow motion, he slowly inched closer, not noticing the four horses looking on eagerly, not feeling the horse beneath him shoving its snout to his crotch and taking deep deep breaths.

Slowly he placed his tongue at the base and dragged it up to the tip, the sound of a whip-crack and a splash echoed throughout the garden, but that didn’t stop Anon, no, sir, he kept on going. The closer he got to the tip the more excited the small horses got, not that he noticed. Finally he reached the top just as he was about to wrap his lip around the ~~big fat cockhead~~ tip of the horn.

A spray of liquid shot from the tip right down his throat ~~like the dirty cock hungry whore he is~~, and he drank it all down hungrily. Pupils shrinking, eyes widening, Anon just got the strongest taste of vanilla banana sponge cake in his life. Big white collapsed, twitching, and that was when he noticed some things he didn’t notice before.

First of all, the horns on the small horses horns are now all glowing. Second, all two sets of wings were spread out and twitching. Third, the colours of the world seemed to become brighter. Fourth, he could smell a mixture of a few strong scents, making him want more. And finally, big white now had magic rainbow flowing hair growing out of its head and ass.

Oh, and his pants are super tight for some reason.

Then he fainted.

***************************

Whatever the Dawnbreakers were prepared for, it was not to see their goddess moan aloud when the creature grabbed her horn.

Celestia had never felt anything like that before, it was like hundreds and thousands of tiny tentacles massaging her brain. She could feel her magic draining at an alarmingly fast rate, she should’ve been worried, but the only feeling she could feel was pleasure. And the smell of the strange being foreign while simultaneously so intoxicating, it fogged her mind with its slightly salty scent, making her take deeper breathes.

Pushing her snout closer to get more of its smell, she didn’t notice him stick his tongue out, but The Dawnbreakers sure did, watching eagerly as the beast moved its mouth closer to the royal horn. As if in a trance, they all stuck their tongues out too, leaning forward, hoping to be part of what was about to happen.

The Dawnbreakers, No! Almost anypony and living being who has gazed upon her royal form, has had lewd thoughts about her at least once. It’s only natural for her closest guards to think of such things. So nopony could blame them for their reactions to what happened next.

The moment its tongue touched the base of her horn, Celestia’s mind went to overdrive. Eyes rolled back for the second time, and she was out of the game. Celestia lifted her tail so fast, it caused a sonic whip-crack, immediately after that, a splash and a small puddle formed beneath her.

Due to the tail whip, the smell of Celestia’s arousal spread through the royal castle behind her. Making all the female staff climax on the spot, and all the male staff to pop boners and paint the floor white.

And so that day was marked as ‘The Day That Never Happened, And None Shall Talk About It Day’.

The Dawnbreakers got the best worst of it, for they got the front row seat. Ethereal tail lifted high, they had a clear view of Celestia’s behind.

Celestia’s flanks were perfect, it looked so plump and soft, it was as if they could lay all their heads on it, and just sink in. But what caught their eyes was the treasure between those perfect mouth watering flanks, right between the white was the light grey, in between the valley was her wet, glistening marehood.

None of them dared to speak, staring as intensely at it as possible, burning it into their minds, so every time they would close their eyes they could see it, when they dream they dream of it, when they take their last breathes, either on the battleground or on their beds due to old age, they’ll close their eyes to see again what no other pony has seen, and die happily.

Then Celestia’s vulva winked, her clitoris poked out, and their hearts skipped a beat. The creature licked his way up half the horn, she winked again with a wet smack, they forgot how to breathe. He reached the top, she winked again, this time a jet of mare cum shot out, intensifying the scent of her arousal, and so they all fainted, with happy smiles on their faces.

A second after they fainted, Celestia came again, but this time it was from her horn, shooting all the pure magic down the creature’s throat. And with that she to fainted, exhausted, but happy, she slept with a satisfied smile that night.

Then the creature fell upon her, passed out. Letting out a happy hum, Celestia hugged him, bringing him closer, as her smile widened .

*** Five minutes later ***

Luna was not happy, she was having lunch just minutes ago, and it was her favorite, glazed donuts with a salad side dish. Just when the chef presented it to her, an intense smell swept through the dining hall, she instantly recognized it, but the last time she smelled it, it was more than a thousand years ago.

“Oh no...”

The effect on them was instant, all the guards stiffened up, the maids blushed and covered their faces with their hooves, wet splats could be heard around the hall, and the chef who was backing away from the dish, popped his boner and shot his load right on the donuts. “Oh..oh dear, um… I... Extra glazed them for you?” The chef said with an awkward smile.

Shutting her eyes, and blushing madly, she counted to ten, for it was because of her strong will that her seat was still dry. “I shall be skipping our mid-day meal,” Luna declared, the chef seemed to look sad for some reason. “I shall look for our dear sister to discuss the cause for such… unpleasantness,”

Looking around at all the ponies, who were all avoiding her eyes, she added, “And maybe you should all start cleaning up your mess.” And with that she left to find Celestia.

First thing Luna did when she left the hall, she cast a spell to cleanse the castle of the smell, not before taking a deep breathe. “What happened? This isn’t like Tia to get aroused in the middle of the day without warning us.” Casting a quick spell and locating her sister, Luna marched towards the gardens.

“And from how strong this smells, it was not a simple arousal, it is as if… she is in heat!” with that she practically sprinted to the gardens.

Reaching the gardens, Luna was shocked at what she saw, Celestia’s body guards were laying on the ground unconscious, and there was her sister on the ground with something on top of her…

“TIA!”

Anger took hold of her as Luna dashed forward, trying to rip the creature off Celestia.

“How dare you attack my sister!”

But nothing happened, her magic wasn’t working. Rushing next to them, she could see the beast wearing clothes, biting the cloth she pulled them apart, and with her Alicorn strength, tossed the beast over a tree and into a bush.

Now standing right next to Celestia, she could smell Celestia’s… scent as strong as ever, making her wet too. “Curse the Alicorn body,” Looking at where she threw the beast. “it must have tried to mount my sister under the influence of her scent.” Now feeling a little bit sorry for it, maybe she shouldn’t have thrown it so hard, but it did try to rape her sister.

“Guards!” Luna shouted.

Four guards who had been following her, jumped out of their hiding spots. “Get that foul beast to the dungeons, when my sister wakens, we shall question it ourselves. Keep guards near its cell, make sure it does nothing and nothing happens to it till we arrive.”

Saluting, they went to drag it out of the bush, but the moment one of the male guards rapped its mouth around the creature's claw, the guard’s eyes grew wide. Sprouting a boner, he fainted, but not before spraying his second load on the ground that day.

“What the...” Now cautious, Luna slowly inched forward to the bush. Ignoring the twitching guard on the ground.

“You,” Luna pointed at a random guard, “touch the cloth around it.”

“Me?” The other male guard pony said. Looking at the twitching one. He said, “B-But princess..”

“Are you questioning my order?” Luna asked with a raised brow.

“N-No, princess, of course not,” Gulping, the guard reached out and touched the cloth. Nothing happened, quickly pulling his hoof back, he sighed a breathe of relief.

“Good, good...” Luna mused. “Now touch its bare skin.”

Now a little less nervous, he reached out again and touched its pink skin.

Seconds later, he was on the ground, twitching with his face down in the cum puddle from the former guard.

“So, you can’t touch it and magic doesn’t work on it.” Looking at the remaining guards. “You two, get a stick and run it through the holes of its clothes, and take it to the dungeons.” Luna ordered. Looking at the guards on the ground, including the Dawnbreakers, she added, “And get somepony to get them out of here, I shall be taking my sister to her chambers.”

The rest of them saluted, and started working.

Looking down at her sister, Luna now knew what had happened here. For it was clearly because of the creature that Celestia was in this state.

‘Whatever that thing is, it must be detained or kept under control. No living creature should have such power.’ With that, she lifted Celestia onto her back and headed towards Celestia’s chamber.

‘Though… if it could make Tia like this, then maybe it’ll be worth giving myself a little ‘fun time’ too’

Author's Note

Oh my, writing isn't as easy as I thought it will be. And all the research I had to go through, both about writing and horses. Totally worth it.

I've never written a story before, so any criticism is welcome, I need it. Thanks.

Edit : Thanks for Ambros for editing this chapter.

Chapter 2

Luna sat at Celestia’s private desk, she had been sitting there for four hours straight, feeling bored, annoyed, horny and frustrated. As for Celestia, she’d been resting, if you can call it that, ever since they found her in the garden.

Luna would have just left her in this room, but Celestia needed some special attention. Celestia had been giggling, moaning, thrashing and sometimes twitching. Luna had to change the bed sheets stained with mare juice and sweat six times so far.

The Royal Sisters had long been accustomed to helping out each other during their heat. It was Luna’s idea in the first place. In the old days, when one went into heat, the other would look after her till it was over. It’s as simple as can be, and since this is just a fake heat, she figured it would end soon.

But this was starting to get out of hoof. She even had to use an ejaculating dildo to give Celestia water, fearing that she might dehydrate. Luna was having very conflicted feelings about shoving a dildo down her sister’s throat, especially when Celestia moaned louder than usual when she did it.

Pausing on the letter she’d been writing, Luna let out a sigh. She rolled her neck before she walked to Celestia’s bedside. She kept the barest distance from the bed after Celestia nearly broke a rib when she hugged her last time.

Cleaning the sheets and cleansing the air, Luna fished the dildo out from under the covers with a wet squelch. Filling the cum tube with fresh water, she pressed the wet dildo to Celestia’s hot quivering lips, and that’s all that was needed. Celestia sucked the fake dick into her mouth as soon as it touched her lips, her throat bulging. Celestia stuck her tongue out at the base trying to reach the testicles that weren't there. She moaned needily, wanting what was stored away.

Seeing this, Luna pressed the button, sending jets of water down her throat. Celestia hummed happily as she felt liquid fill her stomach. Emptying the toy, Luna tried to pull the dildo out and almost failed to do so. Pulling it out of the vacuum that was Celestia’s mouth, she shoved it back to where it was before… or maybe it was the other hole, she wasn’t looking.

‘Thank Faust I’m not attuned to the sun, I’d go mad if I had to go through this every time,’ Luna thought as she regarded Celestia.

Under normal circumstances, Luna would have entered Celestia’s dream and make it a bit less erotic. If she felt particularly mischievous, maybe even join in on the fun. But seeing Celestia in such a state, it might be safer just to let her ride it out on her own.

Luna walked back to her desk, finishing her letter before sending it on its way. She might need some help to put the Heat Suppression Spell on Celestia tomorrow if she didn’t calm down during the night.

Just as the last flame flickered away, a rapid knocking came from the door.

“What is it?” Luna asked, not wanting to open the door.

“Your Highness, it’s the beast in the dungeon. It has awakened,” A guard said.

Biting her lip, Luna looked at Celestia on the bed. Maybe she could leave Celestia alone here for a couple of hours?

“...”

‘What’s the worst that could happen?’

And with that, Luna left the room.

***************************************

Anon woke up with a pounding headache. He felt as if he was laying on a table, a table too hard and small for him. ‘Did I sleep on the dining room table again? I need to stop doing that.’

He groaned as he pried an eye open and saw… nothing. It was too dark for him to make anything out. He tilted his head, hopefully not towards any wall. Further darkness greeted him every which way he looked. ‘Ah shit, I must have slept through the day, again. I've got to stop doing that,’

Letting out a sigh, he swung his legs around the table, debating if he should just go back to sleep. Slowly, he got up, driven on by the simple but painful need to empty the full tank in his bladder. He walked blindly in the darkness until his face made a new friend...a wall.

“Aw, come on!” He screamed into his palms. “Who the fuck put a wall here!” Using one of his hands to check to see if his nose was still intact, he reached out, trying to feel the wall in front of him.

“What the fuck...”

At that point, he heard a muffled sound coming from somewhere. He turned his head to where he thought the noise came from. A hatch opened, and an eye too big for its own good looked in. Using the light now provided, he quickly took in his surroundings.

He was in a cell. Stone walls surround him, including the wall his face just met and two small beds put together.

Looking back at the hatch, they locked eyes. Whoever that eye belonged to was a freak of nature. That eye was big, too big, maybe as big as his fist, and there was white fur surrounding the eye.

They looked at each other for a few seconds, then the big eye turned to the side, shouted something and closed the hatch, engulfing Anon in darkness again.

“Hey, HEY!!” Rushing to the door, Anon started banging on the metal door, “HEY! Where the fuck am I? Why am I here? ” Listening carefully, he could hear a rapid ‘clop clop clop’ fading away into the distance. “Come back here, you fuck! Where’s the toilet?”

Silence was his only reply. “No, please. I’m sorry, come back.” Pressing his back to the door, he slid down to a crouch, “I need to piss, you asshole...” He whimpered.

Staying crouched he tried to ease the pressure from his bladder, but it only worked for five minutes or so before he gave in to nature's siren call, keeping one hand on the wall, he walked to the furthest corner, unzipped his jeans, took out his tool and…

‘Hey now, is my...’ Now instead of using three fingers, he needed to use four fingers. ‘Huh, how did that happen? It doesn’t hurt, so it’s not infected... maybe?’

So, taking a deep breath, because you don’t want to smell piss after a heavy night of drinking, and sticking his pinky finger out like the gentleman he is, he let loose.

After doing what a man does when he pisses, he hurried back to the door, still holding his breath. But alas, the average man can only hold his breath no more than thirty seconds. Fearing for the worst, Anon took a small breath.

“Vanilla?”

‘The fuck?’

This time taking a slightly deeper breath, he breathed in. Still Vanilla.

‘Why does my piss smell like vanilla?’

‘Did I piss vanilla?’

‘How do you piss vanilla? Does that mean I’m sick?’

‘Why do I remember having a banana vanilla cake?’

‘Why is the cell so bright all of a sudden?’

‘And why am I falling backwards?’

Unbeknownst to him it was because a certain someone decided to open the door he was leaning on. Hitting the ground with a “oof”, he looked up and noticed three horses standing above him, staring down at him. They were wearing armor and pointing spears at him, and they all have horns on them. Two of the smaller horns were glowing as well as the spears.

‘WHAT THE FU- Wait… Why am I thinking of a white narwhal with rainbows?’

The big dark blue horse in the center was trying to stir up some memory in him, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember what it was supposed to be.

Then the big one opened it’s mouth and noises came out. Now although Anon didn’t finish college, he did consider himself somewhat educated. And so he knew that horse mouths don’t work that way, they can’t make sounds like that, and they shouldn’t have glowing horns jolting out of their skulls.

Not knowing what it was saying, and slowly starting to freak out. He reached out, trying to pull himself up by using one of the horses.

Immediately, the two spears were thrust down towards him, pinning him down. Any man would stop as fear took hold of them, but not Anon. For you see, those spears were thrust down on his hoodie, right above where his nipples are, hard.

“FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!!”

Rolling on the ground, tears streaming down his face as he clutched his nipples. He screamed. “Oww!! What the fuck!! What did I do? Why the nipples?” He sobbed incoherently for a few moments. “Why give us nipples if we can’t even fucking use them.”

After what seemed like ages, the pain finally faded. Lying on the ground, he tried to catch his breath. He could hear the horses saying something, but right now, he didn't care. He was mad and he had some horse asses to kick.

Sitting up and ready to kick ass. He growled “Why you fucking horses better be ready to-”

The big one said something, and the spear came down again, on his nipples.

Instead of screaming and rolling on the ground like before, Anon just curled up into a ball, and sobbed manly while tucking his hands under his hoodie, soothing his sore nipples with his fingers.

Awhile later, he felt something prodding him. Looking up, he saw the big horse’s horn glowing and sparkling, the spear prodding him was glowing and sparkling too. It used the butt of the spear to prod him again.

*sniff* “What...”

The big one jerked its head upwards, as if him telling him to stand up.

“Leave me alone… You can all go and fuck yourselves.” Anon mumbled as he laid his head back down.

Anon peeked at the big one as it let out a sigh, then he saw and felt the spear inching towards his nipple.

“NO, wait, I’m sorry,” Anon begged as he scrambled to his feet. “please… no more, not the nipples.”

Nodding, the big one passed the spear to one of the... ‘Guards maybe? Does that make sense? I guess... since that big horse is being a royal bitch.’ Anon thought.

Big stupid horse started walking away, the two guards moved behind him and poked him with the spears. Getting the meaning, Anon followed Big Stupid Fucking Piece of Shit Horse, who has a nice good looking strong ass though.

Looking back, big blue noticed him staring. And with a quick lift of the tail, big blue horse showed him that it was in fact, a royal bitch.

*****A few minutes earlier*****

“Guards, the beast in this cell is extremely dangerous, no matter what happens do not let it touch you.” Luna ordered the guards as they reached the door to its cell.

As they opened the cell door, they were surprised to see the beast fall and land on its back. They were kind of expecting it to cower in the corner, or rush out spitting hellfire with claws sharper than the sharpest knife. Maybe even sit seductively on the bed stroking a cock too huge to be true, smiling invitingly. I’ll let you decide who was expecting which.

“Creature, you are clearly intelligent.” Luna said. “So, if you can understand me, please stand up.” The creature just looked at her, face scrunched up. ‘It better not be thinking about playing dumb.’

“I repeat, for your own good. If you understand me, stand up or -”

Luna was a little bit disappointed for two reasons when it tried to reach out to her. The first reason being that things were going to be a little bit more complicated now, since it didn’t seem to understand her. Second, she couldn’t let it touch her, at least not now.

The two guards did as they were told to, slamming the blunt part of the spears down, preventing it from doing anything that might threaten the group. Expecting it to stay down, they were once again pleasantly surprised.

Yelling loudly, it placed its claws on its chest and started rolling on the ground, screaming all the while.

The two guards panicked, bringing the spears down to hit it again, yet they were stopped by Princess Luna.

“Guards, do you remember where you struck it at ?” Luna asked, keeping her eyes on the creature.

“Yes, Your Highness. It was somewhere on the upper chest, on both sides it seems.” The guards said, not daring to take their eyes off it. “Do you think we’ve found a weak spot?”

“We might have,” Luna said while looking at the creature on the ground. Pondering. “Guards, stay sharp. Strike it at the same place as before when I give the order, don’t take any actions unless i say so.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

Just as she thought, the creature soon quieted down. Luna might have never seen anything like it before, but she’d dealt with all types of beings before, and she knew what was about to come.

It lied there for awhile and sure enough, it looked at them angrily, saying something under its breath, curling its claws into fists. Luna looked on, getting ready to give the order.

Just as it was half way from sitting up, she barked “Strike it.”

The guards brought the spears down again, hitting the same places as before.

Instead of acting like it did before, this time it just curled up into a ball. Luna was about to tell the guards to poke it, but then it started crying.

… Oh wow, now that is just sad.

Princess Luna and the guards just looked at each other, not knowing what to do. This wasn't how things usually turn out, though it does make things easier for them, to say the least.

‘So, has the power to turn anypony into a twitching mess on the ground, but has no combat experience and isn’t all that aggressive.’ Luna thought as it cried on the ground. ‘It hasn’t tried to touch us through any means, any other creature with such power would touch us no matter what.’

‘Unless, it doesn’t know its own power.’

According to her body clock, there was still an hour or so till she needed to raise the moon. Taking hold of one of the spears, she tried to get the creature’s attention.

Still sniffing, it lifted its head, looked at her then swatted the spear away as it laid its head back down.

‘Now this is just pathetic.’ Inching the spear closer to it’s chest, she got the effect she wanted. Saying whatever in a pleading tone, it stood up to its full height.

Satisfied, she started walking to the Throne Hall but stopped when she heard a loud grumbling behind her. Looking back, she saw the creature looking wide eyed at her, placing its claws over its chest. Snorting she changed directions and walked to the dining hall.

On the way, Luna waved a maid over. “Tell the kitchen to make a quick dinner for two, salad should do fine.”

Nodding the maid hurried away but not before stealing a quick glance at the creature, blushed, then trotted away with her tail between her legs.

‘Odd.’ Luna thought as she watched the maid walk away.

After that little episode, Luna noticed that all the ponies they went past were acting weird. The staff, guards and even most of the nobles were staring at the creature. But no, that’s not what’s weird, these ponies tend to stare or glare at anything foreign. What was weird was that they were all blushing, and quickly averting their eyes when they thought the creature looked their way.‘What is going on here? Is this beast doing something to them?’

Looking back she found that the creature's eyes were glued to the floor and it wasn’t looking at anypony, probably not noticing the looks it was receiving.

Arriving at the dining hall, Luna was happy to see the creature’s eyes light up with what was clearly relief and joy.

Sitting at the table she gestured for it to sit next to her. It sat down in a very strange way. It bent its legs and crossed them beneath him as it flopped down on a pillow. Then it looked at Luna eagerly.

Two chefs walked in a little while later pushing a cart, and walked next to Princess Luna and the creature. Strangely, one of the chefs never took his eyes off Princess Luna, while the other kept staring at the creature.

‘Wait, wasn’t he the chef that...’

“Two salads coming up, with a little special surprise for our beloved Princess.” Chef Hazelnut announced as he lifted the lid off the serving tray, still not taking his eyes off Princess Luna. Who was starting to feel really uncomfortable.

As for the other chef, Fried Coconut, she kept her eyes glued on the creature. Not saying a word.

Placing two bowls of salad on the table, nothing seemed out of… place…

‘Oh, you have got to be bucking kidding me!’

One of the salads, the one for Princess Luna had a semi transparent white sauce on it. Looking at the chef she noticed him sweating and cheeks slightly red. Luna didn’t need to look anymore to know what this special sauce was. And looking at the creatures salad, she could see liquid on it, and she knew it wasn’t salad dressing.

“Special surprize?” she said while glaring into Chef Hazelnut’s very soul.

“W-why, Y-yes, Your Highness. I worked very hard to make it indeed.” He stammered.

Her eyes bored into him. Luna didn’t notice the creature taking a whiff of his salad. Too focused on Chef Hazelnut, she didn’t see Chef Fried Coconut’s tail lift higher the more the creature smelled the salad.

Luna was about to say something, but stopped when she saw something from the corner of her eye. The creature has grabbed hold of a fork and was about to…

“No, Wait!” Luna shouted, but it was too late.

***************************************

‘Oh sweet, fruit salad with coconut dressing’ And with that Anon dug in with gusto.

During his fifth mouth full, he looked up and noticed all the horses were staring at him. The cute little brownish horse with a chef’s hat was giving him a really creepy smile, while blushing madly at the same time. ‘Huh, guess it’s glad that I like the food she made, this dressing is really good, a bit tangy though. Better give the chef my compliments’

So reaching his hand out he patted the little horse on the head.

***************************************

Luna’s jaw dropped lower and lower as Fried Coconut’s tail rose to its apex, and a cheshire grin split her face. During its fifth mouth full , the creature looked up and saw everypony looking at it. Then before Luna could stop it again, it reached out and patted Fried Coconut on the head.

*Pat. Pat* *Splat. Splat*

The creature looked back down to his bowl of salad as Fried Coconut collapsed to the floor unconscious.

Luna was very close to banging her head on the dining table, and seeing the other chef giving her an expecting look wasn’t helping her mood.

“Guards!! Take this disgrace out of my sight, and if I ever see him on the castle grounds again, you’ll all be doing dishes till the day you die.” Looking at the other guards, she pointed at the female chef. “And take her to the infirmary, inform them she’ll be expected to give me an explanation for what in Tartarus she was thinking.”

Four guards saluted as they dragged the chefs away.

“NOOO!! YOU HAVEN’T TASTED MY SPECIAL SAUCE YET!!!” Chef Hazelnut screamed while being dragged away. “I’LL MAKE YOU ALL TASTE MY SPECIAL LOVE SAUCE!!!” The doors banged shut muffling the screams.

“Would somepony bring me a salad, and without any dressing please.” Luna order. ‘What is wrong with everypony today?’ Noticing the creature looking at her worriedly, she tried to give it the friendliest smile she could muster.

After they ate, Luna lead the creature to the throne room. Hopefully the help she requested would be there waiting for her.

And sure enough, there she was.

“Ah, Twilight Sparkle. I’ve been looking forward to your arr- ”

“Princess, I came as soon as I read the news. Where is the demon? Where’s Celestia? Please don’t get married. I -” Twilight blurted out as soon as she saw Princess Luna.

Then Twilight saw the demon walk through the double doors. “YOU!!” She shouted with as much venom in her voice as she could.

Twilight rushed towards the creature while charging up her horn, getting ready to shove her horn where the sun doesn’t shine.

“Stop!” Luna ordered, engulfing Twilight in a magic field. “What is wrong with everypony today?” Floating the still struggling Twilight in front of her, Luna looked directly into her eyes. “Twilight, Twilight! Clam down. Look at it, does that look like a demon to you?”

The ‘demon’ was pressing its back to the doors, keeping its eyes shut and covering its chest with its claws.

“...no.”

“Good. Now I understand that you’re worried about my sister, but believe me when I say she’s quite the opposite of harmed. And if she was harmed, do you think the one who did it would be standing here?” Luna said in a calm tone. “Now I’m going to put you down, and you’re not going to attack anypony, understand?”

Seeing Twilight Nod. Luna placed her gently down on the ground.

“Good. Now first I must ask, what do you mean ‘read the news’? What news are you talking about?” Luna asked.

“Oh dear… you mean you don’t know?” Twilight asked in a worried tone. Seeing Luna shake her head, Twilight’s ears drooped backwards and took out a newspaper from her saddle bag. “You might want to read this...”

Floating the newspaper in front of her, she began to read. Then her eyes widened and pupils shrank as she read the paper.

Sex Monster Attacks Royal Castle Causing Mass Orgy?

Sometime around mid-day a monster appeared at the Royal Castle and attacked Princess Celestia. It is believed that this monster is a succubus that may have escaped Tartarus. While battling with Princess Celestia, it pumped an aphrodisiac into the air causing all Royal Staff and even the formidable Royal Guard to succumb to it. What transpired is being called by some the “Orgy to end all orgies.”

A witness from the castle came to us after the incident, describing what happened. His description is below.

“Hey Jimmy, you are not going to believe what happened today. So me and the boys were training at the gym, when this smell just came out of nowhere, and all our dicks just sprouted out and we started cumming all over the place together. It was wicked. I tell you Jimmy, working out in the gym is never going to be the same, just thinking about it makes me…

Anyway, my friend in the night guard said a monster caused all this, he said the monster had a dick as big as my leg and tits as big as my head.

Hey, what are you writing there? Huh? How did he know all this?

Because he was there of course, apparently it attacked the castle and Princess Celestia was there to stop it, but even our Princess of the Sun fell prey to its animal magnetism as she became aroused herself. As it was about to have sex with Princess Celestia my friend and Princess Luna got there. And Princess Celestia was all like ‘Oh, Night Glider. Save me from this monster,’

And Princess Luna was like ‘Yes, Night Glider. We can not defeat it, and you are so hot and sexy’

And my friend was ‘Back away foul beast, take your filthy claws off my mare,’

And Princess Celestia was all like ‘Yes, save me and make me your mare,’

And my friend was like ‘Hey Yah!’ and kicked the demon back to Tantarus.

And then Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were all like ‘Oh~ Night Glider. Thank you for saving us, we should totally give you a double blow job and have your babies and -’

Hey, Hey! Jimmy. Where are you going? ”

Our source in the castle confirmed that ponies did, for unknown reasons, ejaculate on the spot, and several confirmed sightings did see a weird creature being dragged to the dungeons, none of the reports however mentioned it having a huge genital or large breasts.

To read more the about Alicorn body - go to page 2.

To see how to summon your own Succubus - go to page 5.

To know if it’s possible to marry the Princess - go to page 11.

Princess Luna didn’t say anything, she just kept banging her head on one of the columns, which had started to crack.

Nopony dared to approach her or talk to her, for fear of being on the receiving end of the Royal Head Butt. Except for one lonely soul, everypony stared wide eyed as the creature slowly walked forward, reaching its claw out.

But before it could touch her, she stopped and turned to address everypony in the room. Pointing a hoof to a nearby guard captain, Princess Luna started giving out orders.

“You, take a team and find this news agency, stop them from printing any more copies!”

Pointing to another. “Take as many guard as you may need, and seal any passage in and out of the city, I don’t want any of this news leaving Canterlot. You’ll wish Nightmare Moon was back if word of this so much as reaches Ponyville ”

Looking to her secretary, she said. “Schedule a press conference for tomorrow, I and maybe my sister will be giving a speech.”

Looking at the rest of the guards, she said to all of them. “And somepony find me who and where this ‘Night Glider’ is, I want him in the dungeon right this moment. I’ll deal with him when I deem it necessary.”

All the guards saluted as one, and then proceeded to scatter like roaches.

Luna’s walk to the her throne and took a deep breath as she sat down. “As I was saying before all this. Twilight Sparkle, I have been looking forward for your arrival,”

Twilight mumbled while looking down to the floor in shame. “So I guess the news wasn’t true?”

“No Twilight Sparkle. And I have to say that I’m disappointed that you of all ponies believed the news without checking the facts.” She said.

“I’m sorry...”

Rolling her eyes, Luna stepped down from her throne and pulled Twilight into a feathery hug. “I am not angry at you, Twilight. All this stress is getting to me. It seems like every pony has decided to go mad today.”

Wiping a tear away, but smiling at the same time. She chuckled back. “Yeah, I know that feeling.” Laughing they went back to hugging and nuzzling each other.

Meanwhile, the creature just stood there watching, not knowing what to do.

“Princess Luna, you mentioned you needed help in your letter,” Looking at the ‘demon’ she added, “but it looks like you have already pacified it,”

“Twilight please, just call me Luna. And no, I didn’t pacify it. It is simply harmless as long as you don’t let it touch you, or you touch it, for that matter. Let’s just say that it was the cause of the ‘mass orgasm’ that happened in the castle.” Firing a spell towards the creature from behind so it wouldn't see it and freak out, Luna continued. “As you can see, magic doesn’t work on it. Therefore, I can’t use a translation spell on it. And I can’t place one on myself because...”

“...Because we don’t have its wording system, to reference it to,” Seeing Luna nod, Twilight went on. “You mentioned that I shouldn’t touch it, why’s that?”

“Ah, you see...”

******************************************

‘Man, these horses are so fucking weird. First they lock me up. Then they feed me. This damn castle smells of food. And every horse keeps giving me strange looks.’ Anon thought to himself as he watched big blue horse sit on the throne, make purple horse cry, sit up from the throne and hug purple horse. Looking at the cracked column, ‘And I’m pretty sure that Blue one has some mental issues.’

Looking around, he noticed they were the only ones left in the room. Seeing that the horses weren’t paying attention to him, he started exploring the room while still keeping an eye on the horses.

After doing nothing for ten minutes he started getting bored. ‘Will they mind if I sit on the throne?’ Looking back, the horses are now blushing and chatting in low voices. ‘I do not want to know what makes horses blush. How do they blush? Don’t they have fur on the faces or something?’ Leaving that mystery for later he started walking to the throne.

Just as Anon was about to step on the first step, someone yelled at him. Immediately he covered his nipples again, “Sorry, sorry. I won’t sit on you throne.”

Big blue horse was waving him over while purple horse was staring at him with a creepy smile. ‘What is with the horses and creepy smiles?’ When Anon reached them, big blue horse clap its hooves and a maid walked in. They talked to the maid making her start to blush. ‘Maybe they have blood veins one the fur? Ha, just imagine them having tiny penises as fur. Oh God, why did I think that?! ’

Anon was still trying to bleach his mind when the purple horse pulled a cloth out of nowhere and tied it around its eyes. Then purple horse took it off and floated the cloth over to Anon. Taking hold of the cloth, he looked at purple horse, then back down at the cloth.

“Fuck no, I’m not blindfolding myself. You -”

Anon snapped his mouth shut when he saw big blue horse float a spear over.

“- should totally blindfold me. I always wanted to be blindfolded by a horse,” Tying the blindfold in a knot behind his head. “see, no need to get violent.”

‘Please don’t go Fifty Shades of Gray on my ass. I don't want to be whipped by a horse.’

Not being able to see anything, Anon was starting to freak out again. He could hear them talking. He nearly punched the closest thing when he felt something touch him but resisted. ‘Don’t make the horses angry’

Every time something poked him, he could hear talking and some scribbling. It wasn’t till someone poked his bare skin did something different happened. He heard a gasp, something wet hit the ground, more scribbling then a *pop*. Feeling something tug on his blindfold, he took it off.

The maid was gone. Anon tried to find what wet thing hit the ground but nothing, the floor was clean. The two horses were just looking at him with smiles. The big blue horse coughed and clapped her hooves again. A new maid walked in with a bag.

Purple horse floated the bag over and pulled out a ruby and two pieces of paper. It then started drawing on the papers. After a while it showed him the first drawing.

( It was a drawing of him looking at a picture of an apple.)

Then it showed him the second drawing.

( It seem to be him shouting 'Apple' at the ruby.)

Getting the meaning, Anon grabbed hold of the ruby and shouted. “Apple!” The ruby glowed once but nothing happened, just as he was about to shout at the ruby again, something he thought impossible happen.

“Apple,” Said a female voice.

Anon was stunned, looking around he tried to find who had spoke to him. Finding no one, he looked at the purple horse which was beaming up at him. It- She opened her mouth and said in a clear voice. “Apple.”

“Apple,” He said back in a small voice.

“Apple,” Purple horse said back to him.

“Apple.”

“Apple.”

“Apple.”

“Apple.”

“Apple.”

“Apple.”

“Apple.”

“Apple.”

“Apple.”

“Apple.”

Somewhere on an apple farm, certain horses were having mini orgasm for no reasons.

“Ha ha!! I can understand you!!” Anon shouted with glee and rushed forward wanting to hug purple horse.

Eyes widening, purple horse’s horn glowed and *pop* disappeared. Making Anon hug the maid behind her instead.

Laughing loudly and hugging the maid close to his chest Anon started spinning around. Laughing he didn’t noticed the wet *pat, pat, pat* and the circle of mare cum forming around him, neither did he noticed the wet splats hitting the other two horses on their faces.

‘Aww~ Pony maid is happy for me.’ He thought as he felt the maid sniffing and something wet rubbing against his neck. After five minutes of none stop spinning , Anon stopped and looked at Big Blue and Purple. Noticing the horses had wet faces and blushing, Anon’s heart filled with warmth. ‘Even they are crying for me’

Putting the maid down, Anon walked to the other two horse, arms spread out wanting to give them a hug too. They quickly held up their legs and shook their heads. Their horns lit up and with a *pop* the maid and the circle of shame vanished.

Purple summoned a cushion and gestured Anon to sit down. After he sat, purple started pulling out hundreds of picture. And so the translation process began.

After an hour they had finally gone through all the pictures. At one point Big Blue left. Then the sun went unnaturally fast below the horizon and the moon just shot up. But he didn’t care, he was having a good time.

Big Blue came back just as they were done with the last picture. By then everyone was a bit nervous, so far they have only tested single words but not sentences. Now it was finally the moment of truth.

Placing her hoof on her chest, purple horse opened her mouth. “Hi, my name is Twilight Sparkle.”

“Nice to meet you Twilight Sparkle,” Anon said. ‘Fuck me, that name is stupid.’ Placing his hand on his chest too, he said, “and my name is Anon.” Then Twilight Sparkle exploded.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!” Twilight started jumping and prancing around Big Blue and Anon, squealing and laughing all the time. “It worked, it worked. What am I talking about, of course it worked. This calls for a celebration, it’s a pity Pinkie isn’t here- ”

“Didn’t somepony call me?”

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

Everyone screamed at the top of their voices. Anon definitely not being the highest pitched.

“Pinkie! What are you doing here!?” Big Blue and Twilight exclaimed.

Pulling them into a hug, Pinkie said. “Pinkie always know where her friends are and what their doing, silly.” and in quieter voice she whispered into their ears, “Pinkie always know, no matter where or when.”

“...what?”

“Never mind that,” Pinkie said loudly, letting them go, “We have a celebration to have,” she screamed as jumped in front of Anon. “Hi! My name is Pinkie Pie. What’s your name?”

“Umm, my name is -”

“Anon. I already know. I even know how old you are. Where you live and what you like. I know what you did to Princess Celestia. I even know how big your peni-”

Shoving her royal hoof down Pinkie’s throat, Luna stopped her from going on. “Pinkie Pie. Please calm down, I think you’re scaring him.”

“Wha, but how...” Anon stammered. ‘Fuck, are these horses magical and psychic? What else? That they are the master race of the place?’

“Don’t worry Anon, nopony can or will understand Pinkie or what she does and nopony should even think about trying so.” Twilight said. Giving Anon a look that says volumes.

“But, how did she -” At that point Pinkie started... doing something with her throat, making gurgling sounds around Big Blues hoof. Big Blue quickly pulled her hoof out with an expression Anon couldn’t read. Pinkie just giggled nonstop.

“I’m think I will listen to what smart pony says,” He said causing Twilight to blush, “But what did she mean when she said something about a Princess?” Looking to Big Blue and eyeing her crown, “I didn’t do anything to you, did I?”

Wiping her hoof on the ground trying to get the saliva off, she said. “No, Princess Celestia is my sister and co-ruler of this land. I am Princess Luna. Princess of the night and dreams. You did something today, that caused my sister to… pass out and nothing else,” It seemed like that part was more to directed to the others then him. “I think it’s best if I let Twilight explain, seeing she’s the expert in such field.”

Twilight beamed and bowed at Luna, “Thank you, Luna,” Then turned her face to Anon. “Anon, when we blindfolded you earlier we were doing a quick experiment on you. It seems that unlike any other living thing on Equestria, you have little to no magic in you. When you touch a magic living being, be it a pony, a plant or even the tiniest mouse, you would act like a lightning rod, draining the magic in them in a speed that is too great for them to handle.”

Nodding, Anon asked in a worried tone. “I’m not hurting anyone while doing so, am I?”

Shaking her head, she continued. “No, quite the opposite in fact. You see, since we all live with magic and is practically made of magic, we are sensitive to quick changes of it. When you touch somepony, the magic flows through the point of your touch rapidly, and the nerve that makes us feel magic gets overload. That’s why even, let’s say, a horn or a pony’s wing that can’t feel that much but is mostly infused with magic, feel.”

“And that doesn’t hurt you?”

“Oh no, in fact from what we’ve seen it’s very-”

“Tiring!!” Luna suddenly cut her off, “In fact it makes ponies feel pleasantly tired, almost makes you want to go to sleep, doesn’t it, Twilight.”

“Huh? Oh. Yes! Yes, very umm tiring,” she said giving her most convincing smile, “Hey, where is Pinkie” She asked.

“Here I am,” Pinkie said, poking her head out of Anon’s hoodie. “And I don’t feel tired at all, in fact he was making my vag-”

For the second time that day, Anon screamed his totally manly scream that’ll definitely make his dad proud, dropping the ruby while doing so.

Anon didn’t understand what Pinkie said after he dropped the ruby, neither did he understand the heated discussion all three of the horses were talking about. But it ended with Pinkie clearly going “Oh~~” and nodding her head.

Placing his hand on the chest to calm his heart, his hand met his hoodie with a wet splat. Looking down he saw the front of his hoodie was wet and smelling of sweets. ‘Da fuck? Why is my hoodie wet?’ Hearing a slurping sound he looked up to see Pinkie drinking out of a juice box, giving him a weird smile. ‘Wait, she wasn’t drinking that before, was she? Oh don’t tell me I have juice on me now.’

Pinkie was giggling and playing with the straw with her tongue, saying something to Anon. Picking the ruby up, he only caught. “- and you can fill my -” when it was cut of with Luna shoving her hoof down Pinkie’s throat again.

“Hahaha, Yes, fill your oven up with cake because you love baking so~ much Pinkie,” Twilight laughed super casually, “Touching you must have made her so~ tired. but that should be such a big issue anymore as long as you hold on to that ruby, or any magic storage item, which usually are jems. When holding a magic storage item, you’ll get a steady flow of magic going through you nurfing the effect you have on ponies, since your body will be more filled with magic, and you won’t need to worry about draining it because it recharges through the magic in the air.”

Pulling her hoof out of Pinkie with a squelch, Luna said. “I think we’ve had enough excitement for the day. We’ll examine your physical body tomorrow Anon. Twilight, please take Pinkie to one of the guest rooms. And Anon, if you’ll be so kind and stay for a while, there’s something I’d like to ask you?”

Nodding, Twilight walked away, taking Pinkie with her. They were talking in low voices, but Pinkie kept saying something and giggling causing Twilight to blush. Just as they were about to leave, Twilight turned asked, “Princess Luna, if we’re going to do a physical exam, would you mind if I ask for Fluttershy?”

Luna gave her a thoughtful look, “If you think she’d be able to help, by all means do. You can write her a letter explaining the situation, and I shall send my guards to pick her up tomorrow morning with such letter,” Twilight gave a quick thank you and left the hall. After they left Luna turned to Anon. “I have to ask, what did you think of today's lunch, the salad?” She asked.

“Hm? Oh, the salad? It was delicious, the coconut dressing was just right, maybe a bit tangy though. Why do you ask?”

Not answering him, she said. “I see… would you mind waiting here for a while?” and without waiting for an answer she *poped* out of the room.

“Who thought I’d be talking to talking teleporting magical horses.” With no one in the hall, Anon took his hoodie off, the only garnet on his upper body. “Argh, fuck man. My only hoodie,” giving it a whiff, he could smell something sweet on it, like a mixture of all the candies smashed together. Placing his finger on it, it was all sticky too. Giving it a quick taste, he let out a hum. “Tastes nice though, maybe a bit too sweet. Might ask her for one tomorrow.”

With another *pop* Luna reappeared in the hall room breathing heavily and blushing with. Startled, Anon quickly put his hoodie on, not before giving Luna a clear view of his chest and stomach.

Luna waited for Anon to put his hoodie on, never taking her eyes off his chest. When he was done, she floated over a glass of murky white liquid. “I have been trying to make different drinks lately, it’s a hobby of mind. Please tell me what you think of it?”

Taking a sniff as he took it over, he determined it as blueberry juice. “Blueberry juice?” he asked, “How did you make the juice white?”

“Magic.” Luna said, a bit too quickly. “Now please, give it a taste.”

Giving it a small sip, Anon ran it through his tongue. “Very strong, but I think I taste something else. Pitaya? Plum? Hard to tell. Tastes nice though.” And with that, he downed it in one go.

Luna’s eyes grew large as Anon gulped down the ‘Juice’, her ‘lip’ twitching with each gulp he took.

Anon wiped his lips with his thumb then stuck it in his mouth, getting every drop he can get. “Wow Luna, that tasted amazing. I’d be able to sell this back home and make a fortune. Say, is it me or is it getting hotter? Did you put any ginger in it? And why are my pants are feeling tight-” Then he fainted.

Luna caught him just as he was about to fall and laid him down quickly. It was just a brief touch and nerfed with the ruby, but it still caused her to have a minor orgasm. Though not as strong as the one Celestia got. Looking around, making sure no one was in the hall. She pushed her snout to his crotch and took a deep breath. “Soon.”

Standing up and cleaning the scene, making sure no evidence of what happened was left. She called for two maids. “Take our guest to one of the guest rooms. And you will want to use a stretcher, try and make sure you don’t get any physical contact with him,” With that Luna walked out of the room.

Just as Luna was about to enter her room, she remembered something very important. Her sister. Luna dashed to Celestia’s room hoping everything would be normal, but her heart sank as she turned the final corner.

In front of Celestia’s door, there were at least two dozen guards, both stallions and mares. Half of them were unconscious on the floor with body fluid staining their fur. The other half were pawing at the doors like dogs wanting to get in their owners room, all spouting erections or winking.

Luna cracked a hole through the wall with her head banging that night.

**********************************

Anon laid in the guest room, out cold, with a bulge in his pants. He wasn’t going to wake up anytime soon as his body tried to process the magic he drank down. So he didn’t see nor hear the window open as a creature buzzed into his room, landed and closed the window.

It had a black carapace with no fur on it, blue reflection-less eyes, fangs and holes in its legs.

It crept towards the bed, making no sound. It floated out a note-pad and started writing.

‘Unknown subject - biped, intelligent, immune to magic and also drains magic. About six feet tall. Only fur visible is on its head and around its snout. Feel strong emotions from subject.’

Opening its mouth it sucked the air near Anon.

‘Emotions are eatable. Ranging from love to hate, don’t feel emotion drain or weaken when feeding on, permanent food source?’

Moving closer, it undressed Anon without touching bare skin.

‘So far has caused Celestia to fall unconscious and made Luna to act vulnerable for the first time since spying on them. No fur on chest, or legs. Wears a second layer of cloth underneath.’

Carefully it pulled down Anon’s underwear.

‘Its -’

It paused its writing as it pulled the underwear fully down, causing little Anon to spring up to his full glory. A tiny bit of pre landed on its snout, giving him the full scent of blueberry.

It just stood there for ten minutes, unable to move, mind going into lock-down as the only sense it could receive was smell. When it finally came back to its senses, it tried to keep on writing.

‘Forgot to place jem on subject to stop the effect. Subject is able to cloud mind and-’

Anon’s dick gave a tiny jolt as a cold draft came from the window.

‘- and hypnotize. Subjects genitalia is seven inches long. Head is round unlike Ponies or Changelings. Needs closer investigation.’

Inching its head closer, it gave Anon’s head a quick lick. The effect was immediate. It, collapsed between Anon’s legs giving a clear view and smell of his sack. Trying with all its might it pulled itself up. Face only half an inch form Anon’s pride.

‘Need to investigate more. No, need to report back to queen and tell-’

‘Wait, open window?’

It felt a hoof at the back of its head as someone whisper into its ear. “Here, let Mama Pinkie help you with that,” And pushed down.

Anon’s dick slipped right through the lips and down its throat. Its ovipositor slipped out from between its legs.

“Oops, didn’t know you were a he, it's so hard to tell sometimes. I hope you like being on the receiving end then,” Anon’s bare skin was pleasuring him through his mouth, tongue and throat. Making him only want one thing. To Suck.

The last thing he remembered hearing was “And tell your queen not even think about hurting any of my friends, or Mama Pinkie will come after her myself.”

Author's Note

I really wish the stray cats outside my house would stop licking their nipples and stretching seductively every time I walkout.

Anyway, huge thank you's to The Derpy Division, Vylon and Ambros for making this readable. (You won't believe how many edits they did.)

Chapter 3

Anon woke up the next day to the feeling of burning skin. “Will someone please close the curtains?”

“Okay!”

The burning left as the room was engulfed in darkness, taking Anon back to the realm of dreams. “Thanks,” he murmured.

“...”

“...”

Cracking an eye open, he saw a big, blue eye staring back at him. “Good morning, Anon,” Pinkie said cheerfully.

“...I’ve woken up with weirder things in my bed.” Saying that, Anon got out of bed. Just as he was halfway through stretching his back, he saw the other addition to the room. “Twilight? What are you doing here?”

Twilight was hiding behind a bush, wearing a safari hat with a notepad floating next to her. “Oh don’t mind me Anon. I’m just observing your morning ritual. So far, it’s similar to the average stallion, down to the nocturnal penile tumescence.”

“Penile?” Looking down, he noticed two things. First, the translating ruby was taped to his right nipple. Second, the wood of morning was active.

“Whoa, hey now!” He pulled the cover off the bed and wrapped himself in it. “Why am I naked?!”

“Isn’t that part of your sleeping habit?” Twilight asked, taking notes at the same time.

“No! I don’t even remember getting in bed.”

“Ah, yes. Princess Luna mentioned you fainted last night due to magic overload, or I would have observed your sleeping ritual too.” Turning to face Pinkie, she asked, “Pinkie, you were here before me. Do you know why Anon is naked?”

“Nope.”

“Whatever, I need to use the bathroom.” Anon said, giving up talking sense into these crazy ponies.

Taking one step toward what he thought was the bathroom, Anon stopped when he heard shuffling and scratching coming from behind him. Looking back, he took another step forward. The fake bush followed him, and more scratching came from behind it.

Taking a deep breath, Anon said, “Twilight, I don’t mind you examining me. Hell, I kind of want to examine you guys, too. But the fact that you’re doing it behind a cardboard cutout of a bush is kind of insulting to my powers of observation.”

“But I don’t want to disturb your morning ritual,” Twilight said as she poked her head out from behind the bush. “I want to know what your species normally does. ”

“I woke up with a horse-”

“Pony.” Pinkie corrected him.

“-pony in my bed, and with you watching me sleep, I’m already deeply disturbed.”

“But I have this bush. You won’t even notice me. And I’ve only just arrived here half an hour ago. Pinkie was already in your bed when I entered,” Twilight said with a frown.

Looking at the sun just above the horizon, then at Pinkie who was still in bed waving at him, Anon let out a long sigh. ‘It’s too early for me to be dealing with this shit.’

“Twilight,” Anon said with the kindest smile on his face, “we are in a bedroom.”

Giving him a deadpan, she replied, “Anon, I’m not stupid. I know-”

Holding up his hand to silence her, he continued, “We, are in a bedroom, and you are hiding behind a bush.”

“And I told you, it’s so I… won’t...” Twilight trailed off, eyes widening in realization. With a flash and pop, the bush was replaced by a cardboard cutout of a bookshelf with two eye-holes cut into it. Twilight’s muffled voice came from behind it, “Thank you, Anon, for pointing out my error. Now you can keep on doing whatever you were doing.”

Giving up on making sense with these ponies, Anon walked to where he thought the bathroom was.

“Anon, where are you going?” Pinkie asked.

“To take a shower. I just woke up and I feel sticky. I must have sweated a lot last night.” He lifted his arm to take a sniff. “Yeah, I totally stink of… candy?”

He looked at Pinkie, who was now sucking on a lollipop. “Pinkie?”

“Yes, Anon?”

“Twilight mentioned that you were in here before her. Do you know why I’m sticky?”

“Yup.”

“...Do you have anything to do with me smelling like candy?”

“Maybe~.”

“...Do I even want to know?”

“Probably not.”

“Twilight,” Anon said, not taking his eyes off Pinkie, “is there anyway I could stop Pinkie from getting too close to me? She’s scaring me.”

Silence.

Anon never thought a bookshelf could look nervous, but this fake bookshelf was doing a good job pulling it off. “Twilight?”

“Anon. You do not want to make Pinkie unhappy,” he heard Twilight whisper from behind the bookshelf.

“What? But-”

“Anon...” Pinkie’s voice came from the bed. Turning he saw Pinkie sitting on the bed, but something was off. It must be the light playing tricks on his eyes, for her coat was a darker shade of pink and her mane seemed to be less fluffy for some reason. “Anon, don’t you want to be my friend?”

“I...” Looking back at Twilight for help, he got nothing but a cardboard cutout. Then he realized that everything had gone silent, Twilight’s constant scribbling had stopped, even the birds stopped chirping outside. ‘Oh god. This isn’t right; this is just like those fucking horror films.’ For every second that passed, Pinkies coat got a little bit darker while her mane got straighter.

“Er...” The moment Anon opened his mouth, all the changes stopped. “No, Pinkie. I, um, super want to be your friend?”

“But you said you didn’t want me near you.”

“I, because I can’t take too much cuteness?” Anon asked more than said.

“And you said I scared you.”

“I like being scared?”

*Sniff* “Really?”

“Yeah, totally,” he said. ‘That’s right Anon, keep the creepy pony happy.’

“Really really?”

“Really really really,” Anon said, flashing his prize-winning smile.

“Yay!” And Pinkie exploded with a puff of confetti. All the color coming back, maybe even brighter, her mane curled back with full force and all the sound came back. Anon was pretty sure the whole world sighed with relief when that happened, but that could have just been his imagination.

“Ah!!” Anon had barely enough time to raise his arms as Pinkie jumped towards him, wrapping her legs around him. Placing his hand on her head stopping her from nuzzling him. “Get off me! Twilight, help!!”

“... subject is capable of holding heavy objects without falling over while maintaining perfect bipedal balance...”

They kept struggling, Pinkie trying to nuzzle him and Anon trying to stop her. “Just accept my friendship, Anon.” He was about to give up when Pinkie decided to be weird and stuck her tongue out to lick at Anon’s hand.

“Nope.” Anon didn’t care if he was going to be naked anymore. Using the sheets around him, he tied Pinkie up like a hog. ‘Man, I knew joining the boy scouts would help me one day.’

“...subject has a clear knowledge of bondage. Even though his penile has shrunk, it is still visible. Inability to hide it? Can’t see a sheath, or maybe this is part of their mating ritual... ”

Anon gave zero fucks about what Twilight was saying as he walked to the bathroom. The bookshelf tried to follow him, but he slammed the door in its face.

The first thought that came to Anon was how unnecessarily big and awesome the bathroom was. He could fit his old flat in this bathroom, and there’d still be some free space. There was a huge fancy sink, a body-size mirror, cupboard full of towels and a shower, but the most impressing of them all had to be the huge sunken bathtub, almost like a personal swimming pool. The bath was already filled with clean water, dipping his hand in the water he confirmed the water to be cold, ice cold in fact.

Searching for the tap, he only saw a knob at the side of the pool. Looking at it carefully he noticed the knob glowing a dim blue. Turning it, the color changed from blue to green, yellow, orange than red but there wasn’t any water outlet. Dipping his hand back into the water, he had to stifle a scream as the heat burned his hand.

“No way...”

Turning the knob to blue Anon dipped his hand in the water again, ice cold. This time, keeping his hand in, he slowly turned the knob to orange; the water became hotter the more he turned the knob.

“Fucking magical horses...” Anon whispered as his gazed at the bath in wonderment.

Looking around, he tried to see what other stuff the bathroom had. Then his eyes landed on…

“So, we meet again,” Anon said in a grave voice. “Even in a different world, I still can’t get away from you, can I, squat toilet.”

*********************************************

Celestia’s eyes fluttered open to the chirping birds and gentle sunlight. Yawning and stretching, Celestia slowly got out of bed with a smile on her face. She hadn’t felt this rested in centuries. She was halfway through stretching when she heard a voice.

“Finally, you’re awake.” Stopping mid-stretch, she turned to see Luna sitting at the desk going through documents.

“Luna? What are you doing here?” Looking out the window, she added, “Did you raise the sun?”

“Tia, you’ve been sleeping for 18 hours. It’s 7 o’çlock in the morning right now,” Luna said without taking her eyes off the papers. “Somepony has to keep this kingdom from falling apart.”

Celestia’s eyes widened in alarm, jumping off the bed. “18 hours? Why was I asleep for 18 hours? How is that possible? Why didn’t you wake me?”

Sighing, Luna looked up to Celestia. “Celestia, you’ve been unconscious ever since the attack-”

“Attack? When? Was anypony hurt? Was it-”

“No, Tia,” Luna said, raising her hoof, “that was a poor use of words on my part. You were… in a position where it seemed as if you were attacked, but turned out to be a misunderstanding, maybe.”

“What? I don’t get your meaning; nopony was hurt?”

“Nay, but I might be doing some hurting later.”

“What?”

“I’ve been debating whether I should keep this from you or not, but keeping you in the dark might not be wise.” With that, she floated a newspaper to her.

“The news? This better not be… ano...ther...”

‘The Day That Never Happened, And None Shall Talk About It Day’ was later followed by ‘International WHAT Day'. For that day, a mysterious ‘what’ boomed from Canterlot across half the continent, causing a sonic boom so epic it could have given the mane six secondary cutie marks. Years later, different nations still celebrated this day in different ways. The griffins would gather and shout at the mountains all day, trying to recreate the echoes. The griffin with the most echoes would be the winner. Legend says the ‘What Echo’ lasted hours. The sea ponies who’d ‘shoo be doo’ would sing the ‘What Song’ on that day to honor the voice that came from the heavens. The buffaloes feasted on this day to celebrate the sound that scared the locusts alway, saving their crop. The deers shat themselves. Anon fell in the toilet.

“What is this? Is this a joke?” Celestia asked angrily after removing Luna’s hoof from her mouth.

“I’m afraid this is not a joke, Tia, but I do have some good news: I’ve temporarily closed the printing agency in time and stopped the news from leaving Canterlot. We’ll be giving a speech at noon to end this all,” Luna said, placing a hoof on Celestia.

“How did this happen?” Celestia whispered, all the anger now gone, staring at the paper in her hooves, then at Luna, “Why don’t I remember any of this?”

“That might be due to the magic and… sexual exhaustion,” Luna said, not looking at Celestia.

“Luna, I need to know everything that happened yesterday,” Celestia said in a deathly, calm voice.

“Well, I don’t know what happened before I arrived, but as for what happened after that...” Luna told Celestia everything she knew, all up to the moment she woke up. Right at the beginning of the story, Celestia buried her face in a summoned pillow. The more Luna talked, the more pillows were summoned. When Luna finished her story, only Celestia’s tail and mane were visible.

“That’s it. I’m ruined. I’ll have to go into hiding until everypony has forgotten I’d even existed. I’ll have to go to the sun or hide in the Everfree. Maybe I can get Twilight to do the banishing this time...”

“Actually,” Luna said, cutting Celestia off from her rambling, “It might not be as bad as you think. Like I said, when I arrived we only saw you, your bodyguards, and this Anon all unconscious on the ground. There wasn’t any evidence that other ponies were present. Right now, ponies believe the ‘Mass Orgy’ was caused by Anon, whom they believe to be a succubus. As long as your bodyguards and we stay silent, and Anon says nothing, you should be fine. I intended to pin this on him anyway; it was his fault. ”

“And how do you plan on doing that?”

“We’ll be giving a speech today explaining what happened yesterday. It won’t shut the nobles up—nothing can shut them up—but it might quiet them a bit or at least prevent these ridiculous rumors from growing.”

Poking her head out of the pillow pile, Celestia asked, “You mentioned my bodyguards. Where are they now?”

“According to the prison guards, they locked themselves up the moment they woke up and learned what happened to you. They’re not talking nor are they willing to listen to anypony. They're not leaving anytime soon, it seems.”

Sighing, Celestia pulled her hoof through the pillow to smack on her face. “This is the fourth time they’ve done this. I’ll have to talk to them again.”

“I’ll go with you; I have to deal with this ‘Night Glider’ for spreading this.” Right after Luna said that, Celestia’s stomach grumbled loudly, making her dive back in the pillow fortress, “Although, maybe we should have breakfast first. It’s not like they’re going anywhere. And please take a bath. You stink.”

It took Celestia almost an hour to wash the smell of sweat and sex off of her. Luna told her to go on to the dining hall without her, saying she needed to finish going through the papers. Celestia was almost at the doors to the dining hall when she heard voices coming from one of the corners.

“...all the toilets are designed that way.”

“I don’t want to train my legs and balance while taking a shit.”

“I don’t see what the problem is. We do it and it’s fine.”

“I don’t care whether you see it or not. I want a room with a proper toilet.”

“You have a proper toilet.”

“I WANT A BETTER ONE!”

“I’m sorry you fell in the toilet.”

“I didn’t fall in the toilet.”

“But I saw you-”

“YOU SAW NOTHING!!!”

“Ahh!”

“ARRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHH!!”

“What’s going on here?” Celestia said rushing around the corner.

What greeted her was the ninth weirdest creature she’d ever seen in her life. A weird bipedal creature wearing a toga was holding Twilight, shaking and yelling at her. Twilight, on the other hand, was letting herself be shaken around. Her face was red and her tongue was hanging out with her hind legs giving slight twitches.

“Take your claws off her this instant!!”

“Huh?” Twilight and Anon both turned to see a huge white horse with a rainbow mane and tail flowing behind her running at full speed towards them. Skidding to a halt in front of them, Celestia spun around and kicked, her leg grazing Anon, shaving the stubble off his face, and impacting on the wall with a small thunk. Turning their heads, they saw Celestia’s leg perfectly embedded in the wall, like pantyhose on legs. Pulling her leg out, Anon and Twilight could see the perfect hole with no cracks, cut so smooth even the best sculptor would shed tears by how inadequate their craft is.

“Princess Celestia! You’re alright!” Twilight shouted, rushing forward and hugging Celestia, tears running down her cheeks.

“Yes, I’m fine, Twilight, now step back so I can kick it again.”

“Nononononono, don’t.” Twilight quickly stepped between Celestia and Anon. “This is our guest, Anon!”

“Guest? But it was trying to hurt you!”

“We were just having a friendly argument...”

“That looked nothing friendly, Twilight.”

Gesturing Celestia over, Twilight started whispering to her. Meanwhile, Anon just stood completely still, not daring to move a muscle, for his father once taught him to never get involved when women, or in this case female horses, are angry.

After five minutes of whispering both Celestia and Twilight turned to Anon, who tensed up even more. Coughing, Celestia bowed her head slightly to Anon, “I’m terribly sorry about earlier, I could have seriously hurt you.”

‘More like fucking killed me,’ Anon thought while keeping the brightest smile he could muster, although it was a bit shaky. “It’s okay, I understand. And I‘m sorry for whatever happened yesterday; I was super drunk,” he said, sticking his hand out for a handshake.

“Yesterday?” Celestia said, reaching out her right hoof. “What… do… you...”

“Princess?” Anon asked, seeing Celestia’s hoof pausing midway.

“Princess Celestia, are you feeling alright?” asked Twilight as she saw Celestia’s eyes lose focus.

Turning his head to Twilight, Anon asked: “I didn’t do anything offensive, did I?”

“I don’t think so.” She looked to Anon’s outstretched hand. “You’re going for a hoof shake, right?”

Unknown to Anon and Twilight, Celestia was starting to remember everything that happened the day before when she saw Anon reach out with his hand. Everything from the moment he stepped out of the bush to her fainting. His soft touch, rubbing and scratching, rough handling, warm moist mouth, skilled tongue, super suction and his masculine scent. All came crashing back to her.

*Drip* *Drip*

“Princess?” Twilight asked again for Celestia has been standing there staring at Anon, pupils dilated and drooling with her mouth agape. “Princess, are you okay?”

“Twilight, is the princess okay? She seems to be… broken? Oh god, she’s not mad at me for yesterday, is she? I didn’t mean to do whatever I did!” Anon said, now standing behind Twilight, getting ready to shield himself if the black belt horse god decided to kick him again.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen her like this before.” Using her hoof, Twilight gently poked Celestia. “Princess, do you want to lie down?”

Instantly after being poked Celestia’s face became redder than a dying sun, eyes darting back and forth between Anon and Twilight lips turning into a forced smile. She opened her mouth as if wanting to say something but nothing came out.

Still standing behind Twilight, Anon very slowly reached out a hand. “Princess, I’m-” Before he could even finish, Celestia teleported out of the room.

“That’s it, I’m a dead man,” Anon said as he threw his hands up. “I haven't been here for—how long have I been here?” he asked at Twilight.

“Oh, um, twenty hours?”

“I haven’t been here for more than twenty hours, and I’ve already pissed off someone! Fuck me. Fuck my life.” Facing Twilight and ripping open his toga, he dropped to his knees. “Stab me, Twilight! Stab me with your purple horn!”

“Anon, please-”

“I said stab me!!!”

*********************************************

Back at Celestia’s room, Luna was about to finish the papers when Celestia appeared with a flash. “Back so soon?” Luna asked not looking up. Not getting a response she looked up only to see Celestia sitting on her hindquarters covering her face with her hooves and wings. “Tia?”

“I saw him...” Celestia murmured through her barrier of hooves and feathers.

“Who?” Luna asked as she moved beside Celestia.

“The… the Anon you told me about.”

“And you’re here because...?”

“Lulu… he, there’s more to what happened yesterday,” Celestia’s muffled voice said.

“Oh?”

And so Celestia told Luna everything, from Anon walking through the bush, up until she fainted, not leaving anything out.

“Hmm,” Luna mused, blushing slightly. “Well now, that explains why I found him unconscious. It seems like every time he consumes highly concentrated magic, he faints. We might have to look into this.”

“What do you mean, ‘every time?’” Celestia said peeking through the feathers.

Chuckling slightly, Luna draped her wing over Celestia. “Oh, Tia, we are sisters after all. It seems like we think alike, too. I too have had some experience with him, though I doubt he still remembers it.”

“Luna! How could you?!” Celestia exclaimed, quickly adding. “What did you do to him?”

“Oh nothing, just gave him a little taste of me, nothing special. It was nothing like what you gave him,” Luna said, earning a pillow to the face.

“Did he touch your horn?” Celestia asked eagerly.

“No, no, I just wanted to try something out. Did you know he said I taste like blueberries?”

“Blueberries? But you never tasted like blueberries.”

“I know, I was surprised too. I wonder what he tasted out of you,” Luna said, flashing Celestia a smile. “Maybe you can do a bit of experimenting yourself.”

Both mares started giggling as they put their heads together, scheming.

*********************************************

Twilight and Anon were chatting about magic when Celestia and Luna walked into the dining hall. Anon, upon seeing Celestia, suddenly tensed up, triggering his fight-or-flight response.

“Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, you’ve come for breakfast,” Twilight said cheerfully, walking up to Celestia hugging her tightly. “Are you okay? You were acting very weird earlier.”

While those two were going on, Luna walked up to Anon, sticking out one of her legs. “How are you feeling, Mr. Anon? I was quite worried when you fainted last night.” Her eyes swept through the hall. “Where’s Pinkie Pie?”

Staring at the outstretched leg, Anon asked. “Um… Are you sure I can shake your hand- I mean hoof?”

“Yes, you can. Is that a problem?”

“No, no. And just Anon would be fine; ‘Mr.’ is too formal for me,” Anon said, reaching out and embracing Luna’s hoof in a firm shake, giving her the tingles. “After I had my shower, Pinkie was already gone. She left a note saying something about a party back at a place called Ponyvillage? I forgot what it was called. Twilight refused to let me read the note. As for the fainting, what was that all about? All I remember was you handing m- I mean, hoofing me a glass of juice.”

“It’s called Ponyville. That’s where Twilight and Pinkie live. I’ll ask Twilight about it later. And I have to apologize for the juice I gave you. It seems that you, a being that has no magic, can’t stand a high concentration of it surging through your body. It’s like having too much salt, but instead of having kidney failure, you faint,” Luna said. ‘Then again, I never thought my ‘juices’ would have magic in them.’

Stroking his chin, Anon silently took in this information. After thinking for awhile, he asked, “We have no magic where we come from, so when you said a high concentration of magic, how high of a concentration are we talking about? And don’t I have magic surging through me when I touch ponies?”

“Hmm…” Luna lifted her hoof to her chin, mimicking Anon’s motion. “I am not sure. That was just a guess of mine after all. We would like to do some experiments on you, if that’s fine with you. Nothing harmful, of course.”

“Yeah, sure, why not. I won't mind some experiments if it means I get to drink more of that juice.”

“I’ll make sure you’ll get as much as you’d like once we know it’s safe,” Luna replied, blushing madly. “I must say I’m quite surprised Anon, for a being to be suddenly thrust into a foreign land with magic you seem to be coping quite well.”

“Oh well, that’s because-” Anon stopped mid-sentence, staring fearfully at something behind Luna. Turning, she saw Celestia and Twilight walking towards them.

Reaching them, Celestia said nothing but gave Luna a look. Getting the meaning, Luna turned to Twilight. “Twilight, would you mind having a chat with me? It’s been awhile since I’ve been to Ponyville. How are the girls? I haven’t seen them for some time.”

Twilight, not seeing the pleading look Anon was giving her, cheerfully went on about life in Ponyville while being lead away by Luna, leaving poor Anon and Celestia in an awkward silence.

“I’m sorry,” they both blurted out at the same time. Their faces turning red in embarrassment, they both said, in perfect synchronization, “You first,” which only made the situation more awkward.

Taking a deep breath, Anon decided to take lead. “I’m sorry for causing whatever trouble I did yesterday. I was drunk and wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m sorry,” Anon finished, his head bowed low.

‘Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me,’ thought Anon as sweat dripped down his face, waiting for Celestia’s reply.

“I’m sorry too.”

“Huh?” Surprised, Anon lifted his head to see Celestia shielding her face with her wings.

“I’m sorry for attacking you. I jumped to conclusions. I thought you were hurting Twilight and I could have hurt you.”

‘Kill me, more like,’ Anon wanted to say, but kept it to himself, keeping his head bowed.

“I’ll accept your apology as long you accept mine,” Celestia said, extending her hoof.

“... and you’re sure I can shake your hoof?” Anon asked, skeptically staring at the outstretched leg.

“Oh yes, please. It’s for a show of good faith,” Celestia said, anticipating the touch.

“Yay, friendship!” Twilight cheered, clopping her hooves, having returned with Luna by her side.

‘Fuck you, Twilight.’

“Can’t say no to that,” Anon said, clasping his hand with Celestia’s hoof, making her shiver with excitement.

Luna walked over to stand by Celestia’s side. “As a show of good faith and an apology, me and my sister have prepared a gift for you,” Luna said as Celestia brought a small wrapped-up box from behind her.

“Would you accept our gift?” Celestia asked while floating the gift in front of Anon.

“You really didn’t have to,” Anon was a bit taken back by the sudden gift. He was never comfortable with accepting presents.

“We insist.”

“I...” Anon looked at their eager faces, eyes gleaming, waiting for him to accept the package. Knowing there's no getting out of this and refusing would be outright rude, Anon took hold of the box. “Sure, I’ll accept it, but I have nothing to give in return.”

“That won’t be an issue. Quick, open it,” the sisters both said, waiting. Their excitement was starting to rub off on Anon. As he unwrapped the box, he had to admit he was rather excited at the prospect of his first gift from magical royal horses might be. He pulled off the lid to reveal...

“A collar?” Anon asked in disbelief. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn't a collar. A carrot would have been more sensible.

“Err...” Anon wasn‘t sure if this was a genuine gift or a slap to the face. It was genuine, judging by their faces. Then again, he didn’t understand their customs. Maybe this was normal?

“Do you like it?” Luna asked. Anon pulled out the collar to take a closer look. It was made of silk dyed midnight blue with pure gold threads woven through the fabric, writing words he couldn't read. It had eleven rubies around it and an empty slot for another one. A delicate clasp made of gold capped both ends.

“Wow, it's beautiful.” Anon said after giving it a once over.

“We made it ourselves, designed specially for you,” Celestia proudly said.

“How did you do that? I've only been here for a day!”

“Magic. And thousands of years of boredom can give you plenty of time to hone one's skills.” Celestia said.

“Here, let me help you put it on,” Luna said, snatching the collar out of his hand and stepping behind him. Anon wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to wear a collar. He looked to Twilight to see if she could help him, but she was busily wiping away a tear at seeing her mentor’s friendship flourish.

“There,” Luna said after putting the collar on Anon, but not before taking a quick whiff at Anon’s neck.

‘It feels more like a choker then a collar,’ Anon thought, gently touching it till he got to the empty slot right in front of his adam’s apple. “What's this for?”

“Ah yes. Where's the ruby Twilight gave you?” Luna asked, having returned to Celestia’s side.

“Here.” Anon pulled the toga away to show the ruby still taped to his nipple. Before his could say anything Luna ripped the ruby off, tearing some hair off. His eyes teared up as he had to bite down on his lip to stop himself from swearing at the princesses.

“And~ it's whole,” Celestia said happily when Luna placed the ruby in its rightful place.

“So you guys are fine with whatever I did yesterday?” Anon asked in a high pitched voice, wiping a tear away.

“Of course I’m fine with it. I haven’t had such a relaxed night in a long while,” Celestia said, blushing.

“Really?”

“Really. It was very good,”

“Good?”

“Yes, what you did with your claws. you’re very skilled.”

“Claws? Skilled?”

She touched her hoof to her cheek. “From the tip of my horn all the way to my v-”

“Hooves!!” Luna shouted. “All the way to your hooves. Isn’t that right, sister?”

“Huh? Oh! Yes, hooves, I meant my hooves.”

“You gave her a good massage yesterday. You’re quite the masseuse, Anon. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to have a talk with my sister,” Luna said, dragging Celestia away.

“That’s weird. Are they usually like this?” Anon asked Twilight, watching Luna and Celestia whispering at the corner.

“No, I’ve never seen them like this before.”

“So~ will I get a chance to see the king and queen?”

“We don’t have a king and queen, Anon.”

“What? But they’re princesses, so there has to be a king and a queen, right?”

“No.” Both Anon and Twilight jumped when Luna and Celestia appeared next to them. “We don’t have parents. We were born with the sun and the moon. We are the will of the sun and moon.” Anon and Twilight stood there speechless, Anon due to whether or not he should believe what he just heard and Twilight because she could update her book about the princesses.

Twilight started jumping around the princesses squealing like a filly while Anon continued to stare at them in disbelief. Sighing Luna walked to the table. “And that’s why I don’t like telling others about us.” She took a seat. “They either don’t believe it or treat us more like gods.”

Celestia chuckled while sitting down at the table, gesturing Anon to sit as well. “That reminds me of the old days. It took forever for that cult to disappear.”

“You were worshiped before?” Anon inquired while sitting down. Twilight followed suit.

“Pretty sure we still are,” Luna muttered under her breath.

“Woah, now. Are you saying you’re gods?”

“In most eyes, we are. Though it’s sometimes hard to view oneself as a god, being born one. Other species, on the other hoof, can’t even wait to bow at our hooves. Tia, do you remember what the cult was called?”

“Yes, I think it was called -” Celestia was cut off by Luna ringing a bell, summoning forth the servants. Leaning in Celestia whispered to Anon and Twilight, “we can talk about this later, it’s a sore subject for Luna.”

“That’s nice and all, but still doesn’t explain why you’re princesses and not queens,” Anon said bringing his original question back.

“We just like the title of princess better, and the titles of king and queen was taken during our absence.”

“Absence?” Anon and Twilight both asked at the same time.

“Yes, we left Equestria for some time because of the cults.”

“There were wars going on due to our presence. We left hoping it’d quiet things down,” Luna said studying the menu presented to her, “but when we were gone all that chaos created another god, giving us a bigger headache.”

Upon hearing that Twilight looked up from her menu. “Wait, chaos, god, you don’t mean -”

“Twilight, I can’t read this,” Anon said squinting hard at the menu.

“What!?” Twilight snapped her head so hard to face Anon, an audible ‘crack’ echoed through the hall startling everyone, but Twilight seemed unfazed. “That’s impossible.”

“But it all looks like gibberish to me. I think the words are moving too; it’s a bit disorientating.”

“The spell placed on your ruby covers words too; it should be able to get the word you’re seeing, cross reference it with the word you understand and project it in your mind as if you’re seeing your native language. I invented it myself,” Twilight said sounding smug at the end.

“... but how will it be able to cross reference if I don’t even know what I’m looking at?”

Opening her mouth to answer, Twilight paused, looked down at her menu thinking hard and said, “it can’t.”

Silence remained till it started to feel painfully awkward. Anon was going to say something when he saw Twilight beginning to tear up, muttering something about being ‘tardy’ and ‘failure of a student’, but was saved by Luna clopping her hooves summoning a maid over and whispered her. The maid hurried out only to return a few seconds later with a mare wearing a chef’s hat.

‘Wait, I’ve seen that pony before. But where?’ Anon thought.

“You,” Luna pointed to the chef then at Anon. “Explain to Mr.Anon what’s on the menu and what each word means.”

Bowing the pony walked towards Anon. The closer the pony got the more nervous it seemed to be. By the time it reached Anon, it was almost having a panic attack.

“Hey, you’re the chef from yesterday, the one who gave me the salad,” Anon said finally recognizing her. Fried Coconut was definitely having a small panic attack now, taking quick short breaths through her nose, eyes darting to the princesses who were trying to comfort Twilight.

“I’m sorry,” Fried Coconut cried, eyes watering up. “I don’t know what came over me. My - my colleague talked me into it. I shouldn’t have listened. I- I-”

“Whoa there,” Anon quickly knelt next to her placing a hand on her head soothing her with the pleasant tingling going through her body. “All I wanted to say was I really liked your salad.”

“You - you did?”

“What’s your name?”

“Fri *sniff* Fried Coconut.”

Taking aback by how stupid that name was, Anon continued. “Miss Coconut, that salad you gave me yesterday was the best salad I’ve ever had.”

“It- it was?”

“Yes! Especially the dressing, I loved it! It made an ordinary dish into something I can have every day!”

“You would?”

Seeing that the pony had calmed down, Anon moved his hand from the top of her head to her cheek using his thumb to wipe away a tear that was forming. “How about you make me that delicious salad again.”

“You really want it? The same?” Coconut said with a glint in her eyes.

“I would love that. Now go along, I’ll be waiting.” And with that, Fried Coconut went on her merry way to the kitchen with only one thought on her mind, swishing her tail all the way.

‘These ponies really need to consider wearing something underneath,’ Thought Anon as he watched Fried Coconut walk away, flashing him all the while. Turning Anon saw all three alicorns looking at him, Celestia and Twilight were smiling at him warmly while Luna, who knew what the ‘salad dressing’ was, was blushing with a small smile on her face.

“What?”

“Anon, that was really sweet of you.” Twilight beamed at Anon.

“I didn’t know you were that good with mares,” Luna said hiding her smile that was turning into a grin behind her hoof.

“I… actually have quite a bad history with women,” Anon said putting his hand behind his head in embarrassment.

“You poor soul!” The moment those words left his mouth he was engulfed in a world of white. Celestia had jumped onto the table and hugged Anon hard, pressing his face into her fluffy chest. This would have been nice if the impact didn’t nearly snap his nose in half.

“Unless he was the one causing problems,” Luna butted in.

*Gasp* “You didn’t, did you?” Celestia said in surprise pushing Anon off her chest. Dazed and tears are forming around his eyes Anon shook his head. “I knew you wouldn’t,” she said. Then proceeded to smash his face back to her chest nearly breaking his nose again. Sighing for umpteenth time Luna used her magic to pry Celestia off of Anon, floating her back to her seat.

“Ugh,” Anon said nursing his nose. “Back at college every girl I liked happened to already be in a happy relationship, and the ones that were attracted to me were all depressed by previous relationships. I was a good listener, so I listened, and slowly I learned how to talk to women. Especially sad ones.” Anon said nursing his nose.

“That’s quite the skill to have, Anon,” Twilight said smiling sadly at him as Luna stopped Celestia from jumping over the table again.

“One I’m glad I have,” Anon said smiling gloomy, “she seems so sweet.”

*********************************************

Meanwhile in a deserted closet in the Royal Kitchens.

*slik* *slik* *slik* *slik*

“Mama always told me *pant* the fastest way to a stallion was through his stomach, I never *pant* thought it was true.” Fried Coconut said masturbating furiously with a plate of salad beneath her hind legs, “Taste me! Love me! My body is yours. Feed on me! Drink from me! I’ll feed you FOREVER!” She screamed reaching climax, coating the dish with her love juices.

*********************************************

“Real sweet.”

“It seems like you’ve taken a liking to her cooking. Maybe I should give her salad a cooking too,” Celestia said. Hearing that Luna quickly leaned in and whispered into Celestia’s ear making her blush and eyes widen in surprize.

As Luna and Celestia whispered back and forth about what that salad actually was, Anon and Twilight were talking about eating habits. “So you’re an omnivore, you say?” Twilight said with a notepad floating beside her.

“Yeah, that doesn’t bother you?”

“No, although it is unpleasant knowing a life was taken but we understand it, other races need to consume meat in order to stay healthy.”

“Other races? There are other species too?” Anon asked thinking about cows, dogs, and cats.

“Oh yes, there are the Griffons, the Monitors, the Dragons-”

“Dragons!!?” Anon half shouted half whispered.

“Yes, the dragons live southeast of Equestria. Aren’t their dragons where you’re from?”

“No! As far as we know, humans are the only sapient species on earth! All those species you just said are only in our legends!”

“Fascinating,” Twilight whispered writing down everything she heard, “and ‘human’ is what you call yourselves I assume?”

“You’re correct.”

“And ‘Earth’ is your country?”

“No, Earth is our home planet.”

“That’s quite a bold statement to say you’re the only species, Anon. ”

“Yeah, but we pretty much discovered every place on earth. The only places left being deep space and few remote places on Earth.”

“Deep space?”

“Well, after we landed on the moon-”

Both of Twilight’s hooves smashed onto his cheeks grabbing hold of him and bringing his face dangerously close to hers. “You’ve been to the moon?” She whispered.

“Err, not me but other humans,” Anon whispered back.

“What did they do to be sent there? Wait, how did they get there? I thought you don’t have magic,” Twilight said almost angrily.

“The magic of science?” Anon tried to smile but couldn’t with two hooves squishing his cheeks together.

“Science?” Twilight whispered even quieter.

“Yes.” Anon squeaked.

Twilight exploded with laughter, leaping onto the table startling everyone around her. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I knew science was important. In your face Professor Hard Book! ‘Magic is the only thing that's important; science is just a lesser tool for non-magic users’. Now I have living proof!” Twilight danced and shouted on the table.

A golden glow surrounded Twilight as she was gently moved off the table into Celestia’s lap. Smiling down at the still excited and wiggling Twilight, Celestia said, “Congratulations Twilight.”

Luna just rolled her eyes at them then smiled at Anon. He was about to ask what the fuck happened when he was interrupted by the doors opening with ponies pushing four carts in. Twilight moved back to her seat as the carts stopped next to them. All carts were pushed by a maid pony except the one stopped by Anon, which was pushed in by Fried Coconut.

‘Aww, look at her.’ Anon thought as Fried Coconuts stood there panting heavily with red cheeks. ‘Who knew making a salad could be so tiring, must be because of the hooves.’

The surviving ponies lifted the lids off the plates. Celestia had tea and quite a large slice of strawberry cake which made Luna roll her eyes. Luna had scrambled egg on toast with hey bacon, a mug of coffee with ‘worship the moon’ written on it and the day's newspaper. Twilight’s breakfast was a bowl of cereal and a purple mug of coffee saying ‘best student.' They were just about to dig in when Anon’s lid was lifted.

Every nose belonging to a pony twitched as they caught wind of Anon’s dish. Luna, after pausing for a second, kept on eating as if nothing had happened. Celestia, who’d already guessed what that dish was due to Luna, just stared. Twilight raised her hoof, nose still twitching and taking quick sniffs trying to make sure what she’s smelling is in fact what she think it is, she asked. “Um, Anon? Are you sure that’s what you ordered?”

“Well, I don’t usually have a salad for breakfast but hey, first time for anything, right?”

“That’s not what I mean-”

“Twilight,” Luna said cut her off not taking her eyes off the newspaper, “it’s impolite to question what a guest wants, every being has their own tastes.”

“But-”

This time it was Celestia with her eyes still on Anon to cut her off. “Think of it as an experiment, Twilight. Anon is new to our world and is trying out new cuisines to find out what he likes.”

“If you put it that way, I guess so...” Twilight said not being able to deny anything Celestia said.

“And by the way,” joined in Anon, digging his fork into the salad and flashing his award winning grin, “I’m not a guy that says no to new things.” Anon took a huge bite.

Twilight’s mouth dropped as Celestia sprouted a grin. Luna had a knowing smile while sipping her coffee as Fried Coconut was about to faint from happiness. Taking another bite from the salad, Anon turned to Fried Coco. “My compliments to the chef, this tastes just as good. No, maybe even better than the one I had yesterday,” taking another bite, “you must have worked hard to make this.”

“Yes, very hard,” Fried Coconut said quietly.

“As much as I like this,” Anon said taking another bite, “I’d really like to try something else, though.”

“But, but I made this with all my love!” Fried Coconut said with tears swelling up in her eyes.

“I know!” Anon quickly said placing a hand on her head before thing got out of hand, “I mean just something different. Maybe something cooked? By you of course.”

“So… you still want my love?” Sniffed Fried Coconut.

“Yes! Yes! Just in a different way?”

“I can do that!” Fried Coconut exclaimed placing her forelegs on Anon’s lap, pushing her head into his palm, “I can make anything with my love.”

“Uh, yeah… I look forward to it?” Anon said uncertainly, “why don’t you think of what you want to make later?”

“You’re not going to tell me what to cook?”

“Surprise me.”

“Oh, I will sir. Just you wait!” And so Fried Coconut trotted merrily to the kitchens with her tail held high, already thinking of various dishes and methods to change it to Anon’s ‘unique’ taste.

‘Again with the tail. Is it normal for them to just show their genitals? And Fried C seemed to be way~ too eager to cook for me, is it because I’m an alien? I’d be hyped if I could cook for an alien.’ Anon thought as he watched Fried Coconut trot away.

“I didn’t know you had a taste for… that, Anon.” Twilight said floating her coffee to her mouth and taking a drink.

“What do you mean?”

“What’s on the salad of course.”

“Oh, this?” Anon said taking another bite of salad with a good helping of ‘dressing.' “I usually eat my salad bare, maybe nuts or dried fruit for sweetness. But coconut dressing is really delicious.” Anon said while taking more bites. What he said caused Twilight to do a spit take straight towards Luna sitting across from her, blocked by a dark blue magic shield, of course.

Coughing violently, it took Twilight a moment to catch her breath. “C- coconut dressing?”

“Yeah. I was quite surprised yesterday. I never knew coconut could be made into salad dressing.”

“But-”

“Especially the slight saltiness and tanginess. And look at this.” Anon held up his fork to show the liquid ooze down the leaf, “not to runny or thick, just the texture.” As Anon went on with how good the ‘dressing’ was, Twilight’s jaw dropped closer to the table and her face redder. On the other hand, Celestia’s grin had grown so wide that Pinkie would shed tears of pride. In fact, Pinkie was shedding tears of pride back in Sugarcube Corner at Ponyville, scarring Mr. and Ms. Cake.

‘It’d be nice if there was some chicken to go with this, though. That reminds me.’

“Hey, Twilight. You never told me if I could get meat or not?”

“You eat meat?” Celestia and Luna both asked at the same time.

“Omnivore, I’ll eat anything.”

“Anything, you say?” Luna asked with a lick of her lips.

“Ugh, yeah?” said Anon not sure how to react.

“We’ll make sure you get to taste some ‘meat’,” Celestia said in a low voice making Luna giggle.

“Thanks? I guess? I need protein intake to stay healthy.” Anon said causing some of the male guards’ ears to swivel toward him.

Twilight coughed loudly to get Anon attention. “Anon, first you need to know that thousands of years ago when all the species started growing larger, they started encountering each other. We couldn’t understand one another, so we worked together and formed the language we use today: Equestrian. A few rules were made that we still follow till now. One of the rules, the most important one, in fact, was about hunting and such. To this day, only a few selected feral animals, usually dangerous ones too, are allowed to be hunted. And even then, the hunting grounds are only open to those with strictly monitored licenses to maintain healthy populations.”

“So I can get meat?”

“Yes, or hunt yourself as long as you have a license.”

“And you’re sure you’re not fazed by me eating meat?”

“None at all, I’ve been to ‘Dragon Lair’ and ‘Griffonstone’ before. To them, meat is only a small part of their diet. They only bring it out during important occasions. One of my close friends actually has a license; she buys meat for some animals she tends to. In fact, I sent a letter to her asking for her to arrive today, she should be here anytime now.”

Right after those words left her lips, a huge bang echoed through the hall as the doors were kicked open.

“Aww yeah. So where’s this monster waiting to be tamed by my awesomeness.”

“Oh no...” Twilight’s body decided to give up and plant her face to the table.

“Rainbow please, ponies might be eating- oh my.” A way quieter voice followed the loud scratchy voice.

‘At least the one who should be here is here.’ Twilight thought to the table. That happy thought didn’t last long when she heard a gasp followed by a high pitched squeal. Lifting her head in alarm Twilight got ready to calm a frightened Fluttershy. But instead of seeing her friend cowering in the corner like she’s used too, she saw Fluttershy crawling all over Anon.

Anon wasn’t having a good time. The sudden entrance of the cerulean pony with rainbow colored hair has already made him jump out of her skin, but the yellow one was even worse. The moment the yellow one laid eyes on him, judging by how high pitched the squeal was, flew straight towards him faster than he could say ‘Dafuq,' engulfing his vision with yellow and pink. Anon felt his arms being lifted, hair being rustled, ears folded and his eyelids being pulled apart. Anon being scared, was going to protest when his mouth was pulled open, and lips pulled aside. He chose just to stay still and let her do whatever but decided she’d gone too far when he felt a furry something inching up his thighs.

“Nope,” Anon said grabbing hold of the yellow pony's legs and spinning her around, placing his hand on her stomach pinning her back to his chest giving a great view of FlutterShy’s privates to the ponies. Anon crossed his legs to sit down placing yellow pony on his lap. He leaned to her ear and whispered, “Payback time.” Then started dancing his fingers on her.

Anon had a lot of younger siblings, over the years with dealing with them he became the Tickling Master. Unfortunately for Anon, Fluttershy isn’t human. When tickling her, he avoided tickling the chest like he would a human female instead of avoiding the lower abdomen on a female pony. So when he thought he was just giving her a friendly tickle, he was only half right.

Left hand is gently rubbing in a circular motion on the stomach and right hand dancing a bit lower like a Scottish tap dancer, twirling and tapping against her breast and nipples. Anon couldn’t see anything in front of him because of the pink hair in his face, but judging by the constant giggling and snorting he must be doing a good job. ‘But what with the occasional soft moans though?’

This had to be the fifth most embarrassing thing that had happened to Fluttershy. Torn between moaning and giggling, she tried and failed to cover her face with her hooves hoping the audience would disappear, instead relied on closing her eyes. The worst thing being was she felt so good and wasn’t sure if she wanted this to stop.

Fluttershy cracked open an eye to see all the ponies staring at her, blushing like mad. The princesses were whispering together and occasionally nodding at each other agreeing on something. Twilight was taking notes at lightning speed, any faster and the paper might’ve burst into flames. Rainbow dash just sat there in a trance with a little drool dripping down her face.

It only took a minute for the element of loyalty to kick in. Shaking her head to clear her mind, Rainbow shouted. “Hey, get your weird things off my friend!” Without waiting for an answer, she flew towards the two. Not wanting to hurt Fluttershy she flew in circles hoping to get the monster from the side.

But you should never shout and give away your position before attacking someone. Anon, who was alerted by the shout, saw a blue blur dashing towards him from the corner of his eye. With the experience of years of playing with cats, he shot out his left arm and countered Rainbows attack by placing his hand on her head and pulling her into a one arm hug, mushing her face between his chest and FlutterShy’s back.

“What?” Rainbow asked unsure of what just happened.

Still keeping up with the light stroking and tickling on Fluttershy. Anon grabbed hold of Rainbow Dash’s scalp from behind, digging his fingers into her mane. “What?” Dash shouted again this time a little bit scared, but that feeling disappeared instantly as Anon started scratching her head. “Oooo~” moaned Rainbow as she closed her eyes and relaxed, sinking her body between Anon and Fluttershy.

Now with both ponies secured in Anon arms, it was time to get serious. Taking a deep breath, he started trailing and digging his fingers with the skills even the greatest guitarist would be envious of.

It only lasted for thirty seconds, but it was the longest thirty seconds Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash ever had. By the end Fluttershy was a quivering mess on Anon’s lap, constantly twitching and giggling even though the ‘tickling’ had stopped. Rainbow was almost asleep purring and rubbing her head into Anon’s hand whenever she felt the massaging stopping.

Luna was actively laughing, tears streaming down her face. Celestia, trying her hardest not to laugh was starting to have a stitch form in her stomach. Twilight was the only one not laughing as she documented everything that transpired.

Anon took his hand off Fluttershy and gestured to get Twilight's attention and to point to Fluttershy. Getting the meaning Twilight floated Fluttershy off Anon and dropped her gently onto her back, but not before magically drying the wet patch that has formed on his toga where Fluttershy was sitting.

Now with one arm free Anon was able to scoop up Rainbow Dash from under her barrel in his arm, one hand still scratching her head as he stood up. “Do not mess with me.” Anon said with a smile on his face still stroking her mane like he would a cat.

“And, and so the battle between the Elements and Monster ended epically.” Luna laughed gasping for air.

Seeing Luna laughing so hard made Anon start chuckling too, causing him to accidentally scratch a bit too hard snapping Rainbow out of her trance. After some struggling and kicking which narrowly missed Anon, she dropped to the ground in a fighting stance with her wings spread wide. This would have been intimidating if her face wasn’t redder than a baboon’s backside making Luna fall to the ground laughing even harder, banging her hoof on the ground.

Luna was making cracks on the floor with her constant smacking which wasn’t helping Rainbow Dash as tears began to form around her eyes. Celestia’s horn lit up and with a pop Luna disappeared from the hall, “Let’s give her some time to compose herself,” Celestia said still struggling not to laugh. The only ponies not laughing were Twilight and Fluttershy. The former taking this as serious as possible like a science experiment and the latter in a state of bliss from being tickled so hard and receiving a mini orgasm.

Rainbow bent her legs ready to go for another attack when she was surrounded by a purple hue.

“Arrgh. Let. Me. Go. Twilight.” Rainbow grunted trying to break free.

“No, Rainbow. I can’t let you hurt him.”

“What!? You saw what it did to Fluttershy.”

“It’s a he-”

“I don’t care if it’s a he or she. The fact that it’s a he makes it even worse.”

“Wait, is tickling taboo here?” Anon asked in concern.

“What!” Rainbow Dash glared at Anon, mentally pointing a hoof accusingly at him, “That wasn’t t-” but was cut off by Celestia.

“No!” Celestia blurted out, “tickling isn’t taboo here in Equestria; we, in fact, encourage tickling as it brings ponies together.” Rainbow was about to protest but was silenced by Celestia placing a hoof on her. “But,” Celestia continued in a serious tone, “it’s VERY rude and impolite to tickle a pony without asking first, understood?”

“Yes, princess,” Anon said head bowed low.

“Good, you can tickle me later, but for now help Twilight wake up Miss. Fluttershy and give her an apology,” Celestia then turned to Rainbow Dash, “Miss Dash, I’d like to have a word with you, alone.” So Rainbow Dash was led to a quiet corner of the hall as Twilight and Anon worked to get Fluttershy back to her senses.

“Princess, how could you let him get away with that,” Rainbow said angrily, “you saw what it did to Fluttershy.”

“I understand your frustration Miss Dash, but Mr. Anon is a special case. He is not familiar with our customs.”

“So? Why does that matter? I don’t care if he’s been living under a rock, what he did was wrong!”

“It’d be way more simple if he was from under a rock.” Celestia sighed as she watched Anon and Twilight fuss over Fluttershy.

“What does that mean?” Rainbow Dash asked now a bit curious.

Celestia beckoned her to come closer than whispered into Rainbow’s ear. “He’s an alien from another dimension with magical powers.”

Rainbow Dash might have broken her personal record that day flying straight towards the trio saying “Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.” under her breath with an excited glint in her eyes. Prior to her reaching them, Fluttershy slowly opened her eyes to see two shadows towering over her. Before she could even register what was going on, she heard an ‘oof’ as a third shadow joined the other two at high speed, making them all fall towards her. FlutterShy’s eyes widened and a tiny ‘eep’ escaped her before she was dog piled.

Pain shot through Anon, like that one time someone kicked a football straight to his stomach. He was dazed, the last thing he saw was the blue pony, Rainbow Dash if he remembered correctly, flying at him at a speed way too fast for him to react to and knocked all the air out of his lungs. The impact caused him to fall back onto Twilight making her fall onto Fluttershy too.

With a series of ‘ouch,' ‘ooh’ and some interesting comments about the reproductive system from Anon, three ponies plus a human were all tangled together. Anon couldn’t move nor talk for it seemed like all three ponies had ended up being on top of him. His view was filled by a purple tail when he tried to open his eyes so he guessed it might be Twilight. Twilight was lying on top of his chest and his face. He could taste and smell something damp against his nose and mouth that resembled lavender, could it be shampoo? Whatever was against his lips tasted warm and salty, it could be sweat? It was a warm day even in his toga. But the bigger issue were the other two on him, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. He didn’t know who was where, but somepony was laying on his legs, getting a close-up view of his junk because he could feel something gently pressed against his sack and breathing on the shaft through his thin layer of clothing.

He tried to push Twilight off his but realized his right arm was stuck under his back, and the left arm judging by the weight and warmth had a pony on it. It was then did he realize two of his left-hand fingers were stuck in a warm and moist environment. It could be in a nostril, ear or the mouth even a- ‘Oh god, it’s moving around my fingers!’

Anon started to scream at the pony on top of him to get off him, but all that came out were muffled, all he did was send vibrations up Twilight’s butt making her squeeze down harder. After a couple of seconds of screaming and shouting Anon started to get light headed due to the lack of oxygen and the over powering scent of lavender. Realizing his plea for help wasn’t getting through he started wiggling his limbs hoping to get them off him or for them to get the message and get off him themselves, but keeping his fingers as still as possible for fear he might damage wherever they were. Yet again it did nothing but make the situation worse. The kicking had jerked the pony on his legs closer to his junk, instead of two whips of air on his shaft he could feel hot moist air blowing on his balls. Anon now was tired, hazy, out of breath, lacking oxygen and some blood was currently going south making him even more light headed.

Praying to whatever god willing to listen, Anon gently curled his trapped fingers hoping the pony would get off his arm. What he got was more a more frantic squeezes as response. They stayed that way for ten seconds. Nothing changed except the spot above his mouth and nose was getting hotter and hotter. The breathing tickling his ball getting faster, it might have been his imagination, but he thought he could feel something tiny and wet poke his sack. And the squeezing around his fingers was starting to hurt.

‘Why the fuck aren’t these mother fucking ponies getting the fuck off me! Why isn’t Celestia doing anything! Fuuuuuuuccccccccckkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!’ Those were Anon’s last thoughts before his vision was consumed by darkness.

After Anon had blacked out, a series of things happened. A white flash and the sound of a camera going off followed by a pop and Luna’s loud voice, “I’m back~” Making all the girls gasp and jump in surprise. Twilight sat up, now completely sitting on Anon’s face cutting off even the smallest gaps for air. The pony at his crotch meeped in surprise which jerked herself forward and plopped his balls in her mouth. All that movement caused Anon to have a stretch reflex, jerking his fingers. His twitching fingers made the pony attached to his hand bite down on her hooves preventing herself from screaming out with pleasure.

All three ponies were having the time of their lives when another white flash and another sound from a camera snapped them back to their senses. They all scrambled off Anon with a pop, slick, and a moan.

“So… what did I miss?” Luna said with a shit-eating grin matching Celestia’s. Luna leaned into Celestia and quietly said. “I want a copy.”

Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash all stood there in embarrassment; heads bowed low and face’s scarlet. Luna seeing nopony was speaking continued. “No matter; I’m sure Tia would give me all the details. But maybe we should all keep an eye on Anon; I’m sure his face shouldn’t be a light shade of blue.”

Gasping all the girls including Celestia rushed to Anon. Surprisingly Fluttershy was the first to arrive, quickly placing a hoof on his neck the other hoof over his face. Feeling a pulse and breathing, Fluttershy sighed in relief and turned to the others. “He’s f- ” But she never got to finish her sentence as she was pushed away by Rainbow Dash followed closely by Twilight and Celestia.

Twilight draped her body over Anon wailing about ‘not fulling understanding’ and ‘haven’t experimented.’ Though not as bad as her student, Celestia was also sniffing and crying. Rainbow pried open Anon mouth and took a deep breath.

Now everypony knows not to give someone who’s breathing CPR whether you were taught to use mouth-to-mouth or not. But Rainbow Dash, who was panicking and might have slept through some of the classes, forgot what she learned in flight camp as she placed her mouth over Anon’s and blew. Lucky Anon was breathing in and not out as he got a lung full of pony breath. Eyes bulging and coughing like a man who almost drowned, Anon sat up hurling Twilight off him.

“What the fuck?” Anon coughed weakly, hugging his chest in pain.

“Anon! You’re alive!” Celestia shouted pulling Anon into a hug followed by Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rainbow. Luna too sneaked in for a hug.

“Everything hurts. What happened? ” Anon asked weakly, still dazed.

“I just saved you with my awesome mouth-to-mouth,” Rainbow said proudly puffing her chest out.

“Wait. I remember you flying into me...”

“That’s not important,” Dash said waving her hoof dismissively, “is it true though? Are you an alien?”

“None of you would get off-”

“Hey, I’m asking you a question here.” Dash said hotly, refusing to be ignored.

“Huh?”

“Are you an alien?”

“I think I am?” Anon said.

Instantly Rainbow Dash was in his face making Anon fall back onto his back. Dash jumped into his stomach shoving her face to his. “Oh. My. Gosh. That’s so awesome! Did you come in a space ship? Do you have a super cool super deadly alien weapon? Are you the only one? This is just like the Daring Doo books. Would it be strange to ask an alien for an autograph? Maybe I should give you my autograph. Wait right here; I think I’ve got one in my bag.” And she rushed off searching madly in her bag.

Anon rolled to his side and curled into a fetal position. “Everything hurts.” He mumbled to no one. Anon could have sworn he saw a light bulb appear above Twilight’s head, but it might have just been his eyes playing tricks on him.

“That’s perfect, Anon,” Twilight said cheerfully.

“Fuck you Twilight,” Anon whispered, too quiet for anypony to hear.

“We were going to give you a physical examination anyway; we could do it now and check if you're okay.”

“Sure, whatever,” Anon said, the cold marble floor comforting his aching body.

“Good, now we just need to bring in the equipment.”

Luna quickly stepped up to answer. “I’ve already sent some guards to fetch it; they should be here in ten minutes or so.”

“Good.” Twilight nodded her thanks to Luna then turned back to Anon still on the ground. “Anon, you need to get up. We have experiments to do.”

As Anon was getting up with the help of Fluttershy, Celestia spoke up. “While we wait, I’ll retrieve my personal guards. I should be back shortly.”

“I'll go with you sister; I might as well see who this ‘Night Glider’ is.” She turned to address the rest. “Don't start without us~.” And left the hall with Celestia.

Now with Anon on his feet, although a bit shakily, Twilight walked up to him and started tugging on his toga. “Anon you need to strip.”

“Why?” Asked Anon, dumbfounded at what he just heard.

“We need to see your full body in the flesh so we can see what's going on clearly. Your clothes might alter the results.”

“Do I have to? That sound a lot like bullshit to me.”

“Yes, Anon. There’s nothing to be shy about. I’ve already seen it all this morning. And why should you worry? We’re all naked anyway.”

“Don’t need you to remind me that, but if it means this pain will go away sooner...” Anon said as he undid the toga, letting it drop to the floor just as Rainbow Dash came flying back.

“Hey, guys. I’m back. I totally had an autograph in my-” Rainbow Dash stopped mid sentence starting at Anon then gasped loudly pointing at him, “OH MY GOSH!!”

“What? What? Did I break something? Oh god, what is it?” Anon patted his naked body, panicking when he saw not only Rainbow Dash but also Fluttershy staring wide-eyed at him.

“You’re futanari!” Rainbow shouted in excitement.

“What?” Anon and Twilight both said at the same time.

Author's Note

Never read or listen to anything too funny when on public transportation, especially when someone you'd consider attractive is sitting next to you. You do not want to be struggling to contain your laughter causing you to act like you're having a seizure, with tears streaming down your checks making said attractive person to ask if everything is alright, more so when all you could do is to shake your head and speak in gibberish.

Sorry for the long delay, shit happened in my life. But hey, when Life holds you down and butt fucks you, you lube yourself up and take that butt fuck with pride for Life can't rape the willing.

This chapter just got too long, so I've decided to split it. Rainbow Dash wasn't superposed to be in this chapter, but I had to bring her in to give this chapter a pause.

Huge thanks to PeerImagination, The Derpy Division and Azriel for editing this pile of dung. Over 800 hundred edits! I need to go back and take punctuation courses.