Head in the Clouds (Complete)
Derpy stood at the exterior of Ponyville town hall with two letters in her hooves. One was a blue envelope addressed to her and the second was a white letter with Twilight Sparkle’s address.
“Huh,” Derpy said as she stared at both. “When did I get a letter?” She wanted to open it, but Twilight might need her letter more immediately and she didn’t want to forget to give it to her.
It was a beautiful sunny day in Ponyville. Pegasi glided through the sky and waved to Derpy as she smiled and waved back. She placed the blue letter in her backpack and held Twilight’s in her hoof. Okay, remember: Twilight’s library. Shouldn’t be hard. Biggest building in Ponyville. Maybe make a song out of it to help remember...oh muffins, I can’t think of any songs. She clutched the letter in hoof like it was a life preserver, holding it so tightly it crumpled a little in her grasp. Just keep it in mind. This should be easy.
She walked up to Golden Oak Library and knocked on the door. She waited, not really thinking about much anything.
“Hi!” Twilight Sparkle said as she stood in the doorway to her tree home.
“Hello!” Derpy said. She stood there smiling.
“What’s up?” Twlight asked.
Derpy looked around and then saw the letter in her hoof addressed to Twilight. “Oh! I have a letter for you.” She handed it to Twilight, who took it with a strange expression on her face.
“Derpy, are you okay?”
I’m not sure, she thought. “I’m fine. Never better!” she said.
“I heard you knock like five minutes ago. I was busy moving some book cases or else I would’ve come to the door, but I thought you would’ve left the mail in the side of the door frame like I told you to before. I don’t want you to wait on account of me.”
I’ve been here for five minutes? Derpy thought. “Oh that’s okay. I don’t want somepony to steal your mail.”
Twilight nodded. “If you need to talk to me about anything, remember my door is always open.”
Derpy thought for a moment. What would I need to talk to her about? Is she trying to hint at something with me? “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Twilight!”
The two said their goodbyes as Derpy stood on the front of Golden Oak Library and wondered what she was going to do next.
By the time dusk arrived, Derpy was back in her cottage home, looking through her mail bag. She sighed in disappointment as she saw she had failed to deliver almost twenty letters that day. Boss is gonna be so mad, she thought. Most of the letters were for ponies who lived on the opposite side of town. If Derpy took off, it’d take most of the rest of the night to deliver them all. She couldn’t guarantee she’d be able to find her way around in the dark.
She put the bag down and held her head in her hooves. Why don’t I see a doctor? She thought. She picked up a blue letter she hadn’t remembered noticing and read her name on it. What’s this? She opened it.
Miss Hooves,
I’ve read over your concerns you sent me and I must say, it appears that you may have a serious case of short-term memory loss, more specifically known as anterograde amnesia. Your descriptions indicate that it is difficult for you to form new memories, though you have shown some ability to do so, albeit with varied and unreliable results. I highly recommend you visit with me in Canterlot as soon as possible.
I understand you may have trouble remembering this appointment, so here are some suggestions I have to you so that you can attempt to work around your condition:
--Keep a set of markers with you at all times. Write notes to yourself. Write ON yourself if you must remember something absolutely important.
--Travel with a friend throughout the day whenever possible. Tell them of your condition and have them remember things for you.
--For things you must absolutely remember, try to find a way to associate them with strong emotion. Emotionally-linked memories are stronger than ones without emotion. Try to find a way to make yourself happy, excited, angry, whatever it takes to remember what you need to.
--Carry a journal with you at all times along with a watch. Always write the date, time and location of where you are and where you need to be. Put tabs in the journal to denote what you need to make note of quickly.
My office is open every weekday from 8AM-5PM. Please see to it that you get here as soon as possible.
-Dr. Pierce
July 20th
Derpy looked up at her calendar next to a digital clock she had with the date and time. The last day checked off was Monday, July 25th. The clock said it was Wednesday, July 27th. She went to mark off the missed day with a red marker. She wrote in the calendar box for the day Found Dr. Pierce’s later several days late. She tapped the marker on the calendar as she thought about what else she did. She saw the pile of letters on the table and wrote another note: Forgot to deliver 20 letters today. She stared at the rest of the month that had passed by and sighed as she looked over her notes.
July 3rd: Went to see Twilight. Tried to tell her about my memory, but couldn’t seem to do it.
July 5th: Forgot to deliver 15 letters today. Try to do it all tomorrow.
July 8th: Delivered all of the missing letters.
July 9th: Boss chewed me out for all of my late deliveries. I didn’t forget it for the rest of the day.
July 11th: Rarity invited me to a party on the 15th. I told her I wanted to go. I know I probably won’t.
July 15th: I noticed I wrote I would go to Rarity’s tonight, but I read the note on the calendar too late.
July 16th: Completely forgot that I needed to buy food today. Barely got to market before it closed.
July 18th: Lyra and Bon Bon wanted me to watch a movie with them. I said yes. I managed to make it to their house. It was a fun time.
July 21st: Dash invited me out on a date tomorrow.
Derpy gasped. “WHAT?! Did I go?!” She frantically scanned the rest of the calendar. July 22nd didn’t have a note on it about any date. Derpy hit her head on the wall. “I didn’t…did I?” Her heart raced as she looked everywhere around the calendar on the wall to see if she could find any notes at all. Nothing behind the bookshelf. Nothing on her kitchen counter. “Oh Dash, I’m so sorry…” She sullenly walked over to her room and flopped on the bed. “I bet it’s too late to go talk to her. What’s the point anyways? I’ll just forget halfway there.” Her arm hung limply off the side of the bed. It tapped on something sticking out from underneath. She peered over the side of the covers and saw a small black box peeking from below the bed. She picked it up. There was a white paper taped over it.
DO NOT OPEN
Derpy stared.
Did…did I write that? She turned the box around in her hooves. There were no other writings on it. Why would I tell myself not to open this box? She shook it but couldn’t feel anything shift around inside. She placed the box on her bed and sat staring at it. I can’t stand this. Why wouldn’t I write an explanation on the outside at least? She got a marker from her calendar and sat down on the bed. She bounced so hard the box flew off and landed on the floor. The lid came off.
Derpy eyed it from the bed. Nothing had fallen out. She picked it up and held it open.
The box was empty.
“What?” She turned it around, but found nothing inside. She took the lid and saw a white piece of paper taped underneath.
Write when you opened this box, it read. A date was written under it: July 22nd.
Derpy looked up at the calendar. “That was the date I was supposed to go out with Rainbow Dash. Does she know what this is?” Derpy thought but could remember nothing.
She looked around her study and found a book with blank pages for cooking recipes. She put a tab at the first blank page and wrote what she had learned, including all notes from July, the empty box, and the connection between the date the box was opened and the date with Rainbow Dash. She put the book in her saddle bag along with some extra markers. She hid the box in her bag as well. She took a look at the pile of letters and saw the blue envelope open amongst them. I might need to know this later. How can I be sure I’ll read it again? She tapped the letter in her hooves and then opened up her study drawer. She found a box half-filled with blue envelopes as she resealed the letter, rewrote everything on the outside and then put it back in her mail bag with the rest of the mail to be found the next day.
Wait, she thought. What if I fly to Rainbow’s home and I forget why I’m there? She took another empty blue envelope from her study and a blank sheet of paper. She wrote a note on it, put in the envelope, sealed it, addressed it to herself and held it in her hoof as she ran outside and flew off towards Rainbow Dash’s place.
“Hey Derpy,” Dash said as she stood at the entrance to her cloud house. “How’s my little muffin today?”
Derpy was about to say something when the phrase ‘little muffin’ caught her off guard. She blushed so hard she hid her face behind the letter in her hand.
“Is that for me?” Dash asked as she pointed at the blue envelope.
“Huh?” Derpy asked. She looked at it. It was addressed to her. “Oh hey it’s for me.”
“Why don’t you read it inside?” Dash said as she guided Derpy into her house. The mailmare felt her heart aflutter. She didn’t know what to say to the rainbow pony that she had only fantasized about. But wait: why did she call her that? Dash was clearly flirting with her. Rainbow Dash hugged Derpy tight and nuzzled her. IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING? Derpy asked as she returned the affection. Derpy giggled and backed up a she held the note in her arms. She looked down at it. It can wait, right?
“What is that?” Dash asked. She pointed at the letter. “You’ve been carrying that like it’s your baby.”
“Umm…” Derpy said as she looked at the letter, then at Dash.
“Here,” Dash said as she hugged Derpy with one arm. “Let’s open it together.”
Wait, what did I write in here? Is she supposed to see it? It isn’t addressed to her. It’s just addressed to me. I don’t know if Dash should look. It’s so hard to think when she holds me so softly like that I just want to feel next to me so at least I can be happy for a little while OH it’s so hard to think!
She put the letter back in her saddle pack. “It can wait, I’m sure.”
Dash looked at her suspiciously. “You think so? It was written in your hoof-writing, addressed to yourself.”
“You can tell, huh?” Derpy said, a little nervous. She hugged Dash close. “I didn’t know you liked me.”
“You didn’t?” Dash asked. She looked down sadly.
“No, of course not! I mean…a week ago we hung out…right?” Derpy said, eyeing Dash with a nervous smile.
“So you do remember that…or you don’t?” Dash asked.
Derpy sat down on Dash’s bed and looked at her would-be lover. “You can tell I don’t remember, can’t you?”
“Yes,” Rainbow said. She sat next to Derpy. “You were here last week. I thought if we spent the whole night together making you happy, you’d remember.”
Derpy blushed extremely hard. “The whole night?”
Dash smirked. “Not like that, sweetheart. We cuddled. And nibbled. Maybe a bit of kissing,” Dash said. Derpy giggled and Dash nuzzled her again. She squeaked. “But you told me about your problem. And you still don’t remember, even after all that?” Derpy shook her head. “Did you see Dr. Pierce yet?”
“I don’t know,” Derpy said. “I got a letter from him.”
“Another one?” Dash asked. “What did this one say?”
Derpy thought back. She had only seen one. Which other one was Dash talking about? “Talked about stuff I could do to help me remember things. Wants me to go see him.”
“He’s been wanting you to see him for a while,” Dash said. “You really need to do that. Tomorrow’s Thursday. You should take the train to Canterlot. Take a day off from work.”
“I can’t,” Derpy said. “I forgot to deliver almost twenty of my letters. I have to make up for it by starting early tomorrow. And last week my boss chewed me out for missing a ton of letter deliveries. I doubt he’ll let me have time off.”
“Wait, you remember all that?” Dash asked.
“I read it on my calendar today, so it’s fresh in my mind.”
“But that’s good!” Dash said as she hugged the little mailmare. Derpy embraced back and didn’t want to let go. “Your memory is working better than before!”
“Only when I’m around you, apparently,” Derpy said. Dash’s face went through a mixture of emotions from happiness to worry and then to genuine pride. “One of the suggestions in Dr. Pierce’s letter was to connect my memories to strong emotion.”
“That’s why I thought our date would help you remember. But instead you seem to be remembering everything else that happened today, not before it.”
Derpy’s hoof trailed to her saddlepack. She felt the outline of the box inside it and remembered the blue letter she had sealed for herself. She pulled it out and stared at it. Time to open it, then. She tore it open and read the letter inside as Dash looked at it over her shoulder.
Ask Rainbow what was in the black box and why it said Do Not Open.
The mood in the room shifted. Derpy turned to look at Dash who eyed the grey mare. “Well?” Derpy asked with hopeful eyes.
Dash was silent. She looked around the room as if thinking of something far off. “What was in the box?” Dash asked without looking directly at Derpy.
The mailmare waited. She looked at her logbook and then back at Dash. “Nothing,” she finally said. “Was something supposed to be in there?”
Dash held a bittersweet smile. She looked out the window of her cloud house. Some birds were still chirping pleasantly despite the fact that dusk had fallen an hour before. Dash turned. “You know I really like you.” Derpy put her hooves over her heart at the sound of Rainbow’s words. “I always thought it was unfair how other ponies treated you. They never really gave you a chance. You’re a good mailpony, even if you make a few mistakes here and there.” Dash kept her gaze focused on the ground. “I remember at Rarity’s party how happy you were to be there. You were so excited. You had this…cute little smile that really lit up the room.”
Derpy looked at her logbook and then back at Dash. “But my calendar said I didn’t go to the party.”
“You weren’t going to. I was there when Rarity invited you and you promised to go. I checked up on you at your house on the day of the party and saw you hadn’t even gotten ready. So maybe you wrote that before I showed up. But I made sure you went after. And you had so much fun. You were so happy. It was the first night you and I started talking as more than just friends.” Derpy’s eyes teared up. “You told me about your memory problems. I thought it was such a horrible thing. I wanted to help you so bad. I wanted to be your hero. But I didn’t know what to do, until a week later when you brought me that letter the Doctor sent you. He said strong emotion could help you remember. So I made sure that you and I cuddled all night because…because I wanted to be with you. And I wanted our connection to be the thing that broke you out of all of this.” Dash’s voice cracked as she spoke.
Derpy read her notes again. “But that letter was sealed up. I had just gotten it!”
“No, we resealed it together and put it back in your mail bag so you’d find it every day and remember to help you when your mind faltered,” Dash said. “I’m surprised it took you this many days to see it again. Unless you’d been reading it and resealing it yourself every day.”
“I did that today,” Derpy said. She looked out the window. “But why the black box?”
“Come here please,” Dash said as she motioned for Derpy to approach her on the bed. She held the mailmare in her arms. Derpy listened to her breathing and cuddled close, focusing on Dash’s heartbeat in her chest. The beat-beat of her heart’s rhythm was not peaceful in the slightest. Dash smelled like fresh clouds and Derpy buried her face in Rainbow’s mane. Her breathing calmed and she dozed off. Without disturbing Derpy, Dash carefully pulled out her journal from her saddlepack, opened it to her notes and wrote something as Derpy nearly fell into a deep sleep. She closed the book and put it back in the mailmare’s saddlepack.
“Do you trust me?” Dash asked Derpy.
Derpy shook herself back to an awake state as she sat up and looked at Rainbow Dash. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?” Dash winced. Derpy felt a worry start to build in her heart. “Why are you acting like that? Is there something you need to tell me, Rainbow Dash?” She waited for a response and then asked, “I can trust you, right?”
“You can…” Rainbow Dash started to say. She gritted her teeth and looked down. “You can do better than me.”
“What?”
“We had a fight,” Dash said, still avoiding eye contact with Derpy. “I don’t even remember what it was about. Something stupid. Something I started. You got angry and left that night on the 22nd. The next day I went to apologize to you. You didn’t even remember there was a fight! It was like the slate had been wiped clean. But you looked so happy to see me again. So I asked you out for that night too. And you remembered to stop by my house! You showed up at my door, just like you did tonight, and we spent time together and watched movies. I started to believe it was me who was helping you. That I was the sole reason your memory was coming back. I made sure to ask you again the next day and you acted like it was the first time I ever did. And I started to feel just…wrong. Like I was…I was using you and taking advantage of the situation, because you can’t remember! That night, I told you how I felt, and about the fight, and you got upset again because you agreed with me, that if I took advantage of you never remembering the bad times then how could we ever build a relationship? So I gave you my black photo box, which is what you have in your saddlepack there. And I wrote everything we had talked about, including the fights, and told you if you wanted to know, then write Open on the box. And if you didn’t, then write Do Not Open. But you couldn’t do it. You were so distraught you locked yourself in my bathroom. So while you were in there…I wrote Do Not Open on the box and put it in your saddlepack, but I left the explanation in there, to see what you would do.” Dash held her head in her hooves. “I guess you must have opened it that night, since it says so on the date under the box. Maybe you threw it all out. I don’t know.”
Derpy couldn’t believe what she had heard. Dash was maneuvering through all of Derpy’s blind spots in her memory just so she could have a relationship where Derpy kept coming back to her, no matter what. “Rainbow, that’s…that’s wrong.”
“I know,” Dash said. “I know.” She faced away from Derpy and stared out the window. “I care about you so much, but I…I did all the wrong things. I don’t know why. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“Well at least you CAN think!” Derpy yelled. Dash turned to stare at her. The expression on her face meant she had resigned herself to her chastisement as her eyes now held fatigue and sorrow. “You should have told me what happened!”
“But I did!” Rainbow said. “I told you once and you still didn’t remember! I did my part! I was trying to do the right thing! But that was erased too.”
Derpy shook her head. “So I can’t remember the good or the bad? No matter what?”
“But you do remember some things…when you’re with me.”
“Well that isn’t going to happen again!” Derpy yelled. “I’m going to write what you did in my book! I’m going to read it tomorrow, and even if it hurts, I won’t trust you again, Rainbow Dash!”
“No, don’t! Please,” Dash pleaded. “I have a plan on how to fix this. You have to listen to me.”
“Why? So you can lie to me again?”
“I didn’t lie!” Dash said. “You just didn’t remember the truth.”
“How is that better?” Derpy asked.
“It isn’t,” Dash said as she looked down. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
“NO!” Derpy said as she stormed out crying. Rainbow Dash followed her out the door and saw her bolt towards her house, bawling all the way. Rainbow stopped short of the closed front door and heard Derpy crying behind the threshold. She didn’t know what to say. She turned around and saw the lights on in Twilight’s treehouse. She knew what she had to do.
Derpy threw the contents of her saddlepack on her bed. She pulled out her marker as she spoke through her sobs. “I’m going to write it. I swear it. I’ll never trust you again! Never!”
She opened the logbook to the marked page and stopped.
There was something written there. Something by Rainbow Dash. Derpy read through it, then again, and again, as she let the words sink in. Her tears hit the page as she whispered the words Rainbow had written to her. The marker in her hoof trembled and fell to the ground. She hugged the logbook close to her and fell asleep.
Rainbow Dash waited at Derpy’s door in the morning. She stood there, knocked, then stepped back. She anxiously pawed at the ground with a hoof, stared around at the ponies milling about their business as they moved around the town. They smiled at Dash. She tried to smile back, but couldn’t. She only nodded. It no doubt looked suspicious. Ponies would talk, but she didn’t care.
“Who is it?” Derpy asked from inside. Her voice was a bit strained, but cheerful.
“It’s…” Rainbow hesitated. “It’s me.”
“Me who?” Derpy asked. The door opened and the mailmare stood there staring. Dash waited..
“I’m…” Dash started to say. She spotted the black logbook in Derpy’s hoof and peered down at the ground. “You…did you read…”
“Yes,” Derpy said. Her face broke into a smile. “You wrote in my book so I would remember to go to my appointment with you today!”
Dash stepped forward. “Can…can I see it?”
Derpy opened the logbook and moved close to Rainbow. She giggled and Dash’s heart broke a little at the sound. She doesn’t remember, Dash thought. She read what she had written the night before.
Hi Derpy,
Hopefully you’ll read this after you wake up. I want you to know we talked about your memory problems last night. You have a serious condition that needs to be treated. But you’re probably worried about your job, and because you’re a sweetheart, I know you’ll choose your job over going to see the doctor, since it’s a week day. Well, good news: you don’t have to worry about that. By the time you read this in the morning, I will have already talked to Twilight Sparkle to help get you a day off from work so you can get the help you need. I’ll escort you myself to Dr. Pierce in Canterlot. Get ready by 8AM because the train leaves at 9AM. And don’t worry about the fee for the train or the doctor. I’m paying for however many appointments you need. It’s the least I can do.
I know you most likely won’t remember anything we talked about the previous night. Let’s just say I’m going to make sure you get the right treatment from now on. And I’ll make sure you talk to Twilight about it whenever the doctor’s not available. Like the doctor’s letter said, it’s important to have a friend you can trust, and Twilight is that friend. She’ll help you figure out how to deal with your condition in ways I never could.
You’re an amazing mare, Derpy. Let’s go help you get better.
-Sincerely, Rainbow Dash
“You wrote this, right?” Derpy asked.
Dash nodded. “I did.”
“What else did we talk about?” Derpy said.
Dash was quiet. “it was a long night. Hard to remember all of it.”
The Friendship Express rolled along the rails towards Canterlot. In the passenger car, Derpy rested her head on Dash’s arm. Dash woke her up. “Hey,” she said. “I’m feeling…queasy. I don’t want you to catch anything, so you better rest your head on the window.”
“Oh?” Derpy said. She looked sad.
“Yeah. Sorry swee…Derpy,” Dash said. Derpy put the little travel pillow against the window and fell asleep.
Dash thought back to her talk with Twilight.
After Dash explained everything that had happened, Twilight stared at her friend with an expression that she had never given before.
“It shocks me to hear you did this, Dash,” Twilight said. Her face was stoic.
Dash nodded. “I was wrong. Derpy was right to hate me.”
Twilight stood in the center of the library. “If she could remember, I think she would eventually forgive you. But it’s going to be awhile before I can personally feel like you’ve earned it.”
“Good,” Dash said solemnly. Tears fell from her eyes onto the hardwood floor. “It didn’t feel right not be hated for this by somepony who could remember it all.”
“I don’t hate you,” Twilight said. “I’m upset, but I don’t hate you. I know that deep down, you love her. But you pursued it wrong.”
“I wanted to help her. Please believe me when I say that.”
“I do,” Twilight said. She hugged Rainbow Dash and the pegasus cried silently onto Twilight’s shoulder. “You’re not a bad pony. You just made a mistake. But it looks like you’ve already taken steps to fix it, with that letter of yours.”
“I can’t tell her again. It’s horrible to keep putting her through the burden of knowing,” Dash said. “I have to carry this burden. But I had to tell you because somepony needs to know that I messed up, so you can help me if I make another mistake.”
“You’ll be fine, Dash,” Twilight said. She smiled. “You always try to fix things. I know it.”
“Do you think…she’ll ever love me again?” Dash said.
Twilight sighed. It was all the response Dash needed. Still, the Princess continued. “I don’t think you should pursue a relationship with her again.”
Dash nodded. “You’re right. She deserves somepony better.”
“I didn’t say that you were a ‘worse’ choice,” Twilight said. “But I do think she needs to be able to remember what happened in her relationships or it just isn’t fair.”
“Right,” Dash said. “You’re always right.”
“You’re her friend. Be her friend. That’s what she needs. You, me, and all our friends will help her now. I’m going to tell Rarity, AJ, Pinkie and Fluttershy so we can all look out for Derpy. We’ll protect her together.”
“Good,” Dash said as tears rolled down her eyes. “I just want her to be happy.”
“And I just want you to be happy, too.” Twilight hugged Rainbow Dash. “Forgive yourself. I do.”
In the train, Dash stared at Derpy's sleeping form, leaning up against her pillow. One day, I’ll earn your forgiveness too. Until then, I’ll protect you. I promise.
She pulled out Derpy’s logbook and wrote down everything the mailmare would need to know to be happy when she woke up again.
Author's Note
Writing Time: Approx 4 hours, 23 minutes
Draft Number: 1 Draft
Story Settings: Derpy's Cottage, Rainbow Dash's Cloud Home, Twilight's Treehouse, The Friendship Express passenger car
Story Themes: Memory, Relationships, Honesty, Impermanence, Honor, Love
Note: This is an "A" story, written first in a day of writing
Story Background:
Info about the movie Memento:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memento_(film)
Info about Anterograde Amnesia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anterograde_amnesia
