Mint Pie

     Celestia's Sun soared high across Equestria today, no civilized region shined more than Canterlot; and in Canterlot, no individual radiated such confidence as Josh. Josh was a human, one of many who saw the portal to Equestria as an opportunity to build a better life. The son of a considerable businessman, Josh was raised to factor in variables, manage time, and rhetorical analysis; all with the intention of inheriting his father's business. But following a massive crash, Josh's family lost everything, eventually moving away. Josh, as determined as he was to make his own fortune, remained; working one dead end job after another. But with the rising cost of living and slow decline of livable wages, Josh was on the verge of bankruptcy.

    But when he heard of trade negotiations with the newly discovered realm of Equestria, Josh rose to the occasion, being one of many to apply. Given his upbringing, Josh was one of the few hundreds to be sent as Representative of a goods trade group to do business with Equestria. It was tough work, and difficult learning Equestrian culture, but after only a few short years, progress was made. Equestrian culture took on numerous aspects of Earth influence. Such as fashion, architecture,  arts, literature, and other wonders. Josh, having quick wit and a clever eye was able to reap from these benefits, obtaining patents on several inventions, and accumulating a small fortune. His first act was to establish his own company to further his own studies into how to better the lives of both Equestrians, and the growing number of human immigrants.

     Today though, Josh was on his way to the local notary to have his request to have his own trade guild establish a branch building in Canterlot. After years of hard work and savings,  Josh was able to secure a plot of land in the town of Ponyville, but if he really was to further his business,  Josh would need a branch office in a more populated location. Though such a feat would not be so easy. The taxes and mortgage payment in Ponyville were nearly dirt cheap. But Canterlot was much harder. The rates and interest were a nightmare. How anypony could even live in such a pricey city was beyond him.

     But Josh's worries soon faded and gave way to terror. During his thoughts and memories, Josh had arrived at the notary office. The building was a massive structure of fine masonry and marble carvings, and of course, stain glass windows showing the building's history. Josh often chucked at how Equestria would use stain glass imagery to show off its lore and legends. Swallowing hard, Josh entered the building, casting aside his fear and doubt. The interior was massive, as if the ponies here could notarize trade with creatures as large as dragons. But Josh kept his eye on the prize,  the long line to the building approval notary.

      The stallion Josh was to talk to was a slender, older gentlecolt, but his well mannered grey beard and diminishing mane showed a pony of many years; even his dark business suit was wrinkle free. One who has been in the business and one Josh could trust to get the right information. Looking through the paperwork Josh brought, the stallion levitated all the spreadsheets, data files, and fiscal projections with his unicorn magic. Adjusting his thick and antique looking glasses, the stallion took in all the information, saying nothing aside from a small grunt and mumble here and there. This was of course making Josh rather nervous.

"Well Josh." The stallion finally said. "Your records are well maintained, and your proposals are well mannered. Though my stamp will allow you to purchase property within Canterlot borders, I cannot speak for the other guilds, real estate and other insurance organizations. Do you understand?"

"Completely and utterly." Josh nodded his head. "I understand the risks of opening a branch office in such a high populated and competitive city. But I believe because of this, my business can only grow and help Equestria."

"Noble and honest." The stallion said, lifting his approval stamp. "But there is more to business than those two things." The stallion then stamped Josh's papers, approving his request. "Good luck to you."

Now that Josh had the approval, he would require a building. Wasting no time, Josh rushed to the local banking and bit lending guild. Since coming to Equestria, Josh had been interested in the concept of the Equestria currency. Looking at how Equestrian culture seems to closely resemble a near constitutional monarchy, with bits of socialism holding it together; similar to how mortar can hold up a wall. Ponies of the three races would be educated within the perimeters of primary education and secondary education, but there appeared to be no colleges. Another strange thing Josh had to become accustom to was how all ponies were required to develop or learn at least one major talent before the end of primary school.

This development would take the form of a mark on the flank, or Cutie Mark, that would be an image that held the representation of their "special" talent. More often than not, Josh would find himself chuckling when some ponies Cutie Marks would almost perfectly match the pony's name. Despite asking numerous ponies, Josh could not get a definitive answer regarding it and had to chalk it up to some miraculous coincidence.

     Josh soon arrived at the bank, the building being a massive structure of marble masonry; with stupendous columns that made him think of an ancient Roman architecture.  Seeing as how Canterlot is at least a thousand years old, Josh chuckled slightly at the thought of the city being more akin to ancient Rome. The sounds of clopping hooves against the cold stone resonated in Josh's ear as he looked around. Various signs and directional displays gave testament to how organized and busy this bank was. It would come to no surprise if Josh was told this was Equestra's central banking location.

     Josh was quite curious about the various banker ponies he saw, almost all of them were Unicorns, though most tellers were Earth ponies. Though the concept of racism seemed to be almost non existent,  more than once, Josh has seen some ponies fall into stereotypical categories.  But so long as he saw nopony getting hurt from these archetypes, Josh shrugged it off as simply a difference in culture between Equestrians and Humans.  Another observation Josh noticed was the vast amounts of Greek themed motifs found throughout his travels. Though he had mostly worked around ponies,  one more than one occasion,  Josh met with a Griffon or two and the sight if the large and bulky Minotaur guards at the vault entrance did not escape his sight. Though at the same time, Josh has learned of the populations of Dragons, Zebras, and even Yaks, so trying to compare Equestria to any Earth country was quite difficult.

     "Here we are." Josh told himself as he approached the office of Stinkin Rich, the local Money Lender. Josh approached the door and gently knocked on the door.

     "Oh yes, do come in." Called an old sounding voice. Inside the office, Josh found that Stinkin Rich was a light brown Earth stallion; a fact that had him rethink possible stereotypes. Stinkin was rather old, maybe even old enough to be a grandfather; a various photos on his desk showed he was a family pony. Even the brown suit he chose to wear appeared a little dated and was in great condition despite its age. Though one thing in the office stood out. An empty jar labeled "Zap Apple Jam" sat on the desk, filled with pencils and quills. "A human? Well, what beings you to my office son?"

     "Well." Josh said, explaining his plans for a branch building. "I feel Canterlot is the best place to establish my Guild, as well as spread word of our services and further spread our name."

     "Is that all?" Stinkin asked, looking over the papers Josh brought. "You and every other upstart have given me the same reasoning, and frankly I only have so much bits to loan. How will you out do your competition with the same tactic every pony will use?"

     "I...well..." Josh was at a loss. Sure, his Guild was doing well in Ponyville and maybe did a job or two in Appleloosa, but Stinkin was right. How could Josh compete and survive when he's never competed in business on this scale? "I believe I can make a much better and faster impact than my competition given the fact that my Guilds holds the highest number human immigrants than any of the other trading groups. We have knowledge, as well as a technological advantage over guilds that utilize Unicorns or Pegasus."

     "It does show here that Earth ponies and Humans make up quite the majority of your workforce." Stinkin commented, his tone seemingly more impressed. Josh could see a sort of nostalgia as Stinkin looked at the Zap Apple Jam jar. "I started out as a stallion in Ponyville with an eye for business. And it was this jar of Zap Apple Jam that helped me make my fortune...I believe you can make an impact but you must also be careful with how you direct your work efforts every quarter."

     "So, does that mean?" Josh asked, hopefully he succeeded.

     "I will authorize this loan." Stinkin responded, placing his stamp on the various forms. "Maybe it's my old age, but I see a lot of my younger days in you."

     "Thank you sir!" Josh all but cheered in joy. "You won't regret this!" With that, Josh sped from the office, only one destination remaining; the real estate agency.

Canterlot's real estate office was the least intimidating of the previous places Josh had gone to, but no less serious. Though it looked like a simply office building, Josh body shivered in small hesitations and fear as he approached the door. Opening the door, Josh was nearly knocked over by some sharp dressed unicorn stallions; realtors most likely hunting for new prey to sell to. There was a small rumor amidst the various guilds trying to get a branch in Canterlot that the realtors were rather bloodthirsty and were so charismatic, they could talk a dragon out of its gold.

Doing his best not to appear too intimidated, Josh simply signed his name on the appointment clipboard and took a seat. The waiting room was surprisingly homely and well organized. Not even the magazines were out of sync with each other. Turning his attention to the ponies around him, Josh felt a little embarrassed. Most of the other ponies in the waiting room were couples, both newlyweds and more seasoned, older couples. Being alone, Josh had thought once or twice about finding a mare to be with. But given how new Human immigrants to Equestria were still, Josh was still too nervous about finding a marefriend. Though on more than one occasion, Josh met a mare or two who would flirt with him. But he would normally shrug it off as maybe she was in estrous or something.

"Mr. Josh?" Called a mare receptionist's voice. "Ms. Delilah is ready for you now."

Swallowing his courage, Josh rose from his seat and made his way to the office. The inside was dim, not too dark to see but not as bright as the room. Almost like some cave illuminated by the evening twilight. Sitting in the office was something Josh had not fully gotten used to, a batmare; one of the Threshals that Josh saw take up the Night Guard. Ms. Delilah was a midnight shade of blue, with a black flowing mane and piercing yellow eyes. To some, Josh could having a strong sense of fear or intimidation from a mare like this. To more than a couple of the stallions he works with, Josh could also see some ponies finding such a mare as exotic; maybe even erotic. This was only further pressed on by her choice of attire. Her black dress was nearly skin tight and showed off her sizable endowments. Josh could only imagine how many deals she closed wearing that, but he tried to focus on his objective.

"Now then, Mr...Josh was it? You are here to purchase real estate in Canterlot?" Delilah asked, her voice was breathy and her tone was almost like chocolate in Josh's ear; he could quickly tell how this mare got this job. "I assume you have...paperwork?"

"Y-yes." Josh stuttered as he handed everything. Delilah only took the forms and carefully looked them over, while Josh did everything in his power not to stare into her cleavage. "S-so,,,everything look in place?"

"Well..." Delilah said, looking over his estimates, preferred options, and predicted profit margins. "I must say, this is well though out and organized. But I feel you might find it quite difficult handling a location this size." The way she used the word "size" sent a small shiver up Josh's spine as she continued; Delilah's body swayed almost seductively as she spoke her honeyed voice. "I may be experienced with handling all manner of sizes Mr. josh, but for someone as...inexperienced as you currently are, it would be best to look for something more manageable." For a split second, Josh couldn't tell if Delilah was still talking about real estate. "But we certainly can find a more manageable, and more supported property." Taking out several sheets of paper marking various locations around Canterlot's map. "As you can see here, I have numerous locations that would certainly assist in your business, as well as meet your budget."

"But more than half of these properties are out of the way of the Mane Street area." Josh commented, pointing to a locations on the map. "How can I maintain this branch building if my clientele is too far?"

"Now, now Mr. Josh." Delilah said, her voice almost soothing him. "I understand you would prefer a property closer to the public eye, but with your current seniority, or lack there of, you would be easily overlooked by the majority. You cannot simply flash your business in the middle of the street and hope clients appear." Josh felt another shiver at how she said "flash your business". "But if you were to have a location not too far, but not too close, you avoid major traffics and of course can spread through word of mouth better."

"Okay, I get that." Josh said, looking again at the locations. "But all the locations in that region are rather small, aren't they?"

"Believe me Mr. Josh, sometimes girth is much better than length." Delilah said, though how she said it caused Josh to feel a shiver more towards his pants; a reaction he had to cautiously move his leg to try and hide. "I believe you may be able to do this though." Pointing at a rather awkward looking spot on the map. "This property here has recently come under heavy conditions and the surrounding buildings have been reduced in price because of it. If I may be so bold as to suggest this, but you can purchase both this building and a few of the surrounding buildings closest to it. This would not only allow your business to gain a better hoofhold on the Canterlot markets, but it would also allow a much greater storage of your goods and services. You will have both length and girth, the perfect combination!"

"I-I-I'll do it!" Josh replied, both excited a the idea, and mostly because he had to leave the room. If he had to keep hearing Delilah's near double entendres about girth, length, and his "business", he'd have to change his underwear. "Where do I sign?"

"Not so fast there Mr. Josh." Delilah replied, turning to grab the appropriate paperwork. Josh tried his best, but Delilah's perfectly curved flank was too alluring to look away from. He quickly composed himself as he saw her body turn around. "First we need to inspect the locations and I would prefer you see it before buying."

"T-that sounds like a plan." Josh smiled, reorganizing his paper work.

"Perfect. I will meet you there within the hour." Delilah said, scribbling down something on the back of her business card. "Do have a lovely day Mr. Josh."

Josh only smiled as he took the card and rose from his seat, making sure to hide his forcibly shrinking boner. As Josh left, he looked at the back of the card for the address and what he read made the hair on the back of his neck stand up:

3387 Labor Blvd: Building 16

But that wasn't what shocked him, what was written at the bottom was what really made Josh blush in embarrassment:

I saw you staring, 977-9760, call me some time cutie!

This was followed by a crude drawing of a heart with bat wings on it, no doubt Delilah's cutie mark, but still was quite a surprise. Josh was going to have to consider this possible date at a much later date. For now, he had a new objective. As happy as he was to have finally found a possible property, Josh still had to inspect it and of course, factor in the cost of cleaning, stocking, and maintaining it. After that, then he could try and have a batty booty call.

Once he arrived at the address, Josh was quite surprised by the sheer size of it. Looking more like some abandoned factory of sorts, Josh understood why such a place brought down the value of the other buildings around it. A quick sweep of the area gave Josh numerous ideas regarding how he could turn the buildings into storage, and even how some of the smaller ones can be converted to smaller shops as ways to sell some local stock to the Canterlot tourists and citizens. The sound of hooves clopping towards Josh drew his attention, only to be met with the curvaceous body of Delilah. While in her office, he didn't get much of a chance, but with her full form swaying towards him, Josh easily could see how successful Delilah was at selling property.

"Hello again Mr. Josh." Delilah smiled as she approached him. "It the property to your liking?"

"So far, so good." Josh replied, trying not to stray from Delilah's face. "W-w should look the property over, correct?"

"Yes. I believe I have everything pertaining to this location." Delilah replied, maintaining her professionalism. flipping through her papers, Delilah gestured Josh to follow her as her rear swayed into the building. "As I have mentioned before, this building has seen better days. But the structure is stable and secure, no record of any structural incidents, as well as no incident reports or fatalities. This main building was the former supplier of most trade and package handling throughout most part of Equestria back when Canterlot was still developing. But recent Pegasus Mail and Griffon Packaging has rendered this building obsolete."

"Well we do utilize the local carrier networks to distribute some goods, so it would feel better to start in a hub like this-" Josh was cut off by the feeling of his body bumping into Delilah's body. He was so distracted by looking the place over, he had completely forgotten how close the mare was to him. But it seemed Delilah was not against this sudden collision. "Oh?! I'm sorry, let me-"

"Mr. Josh." Delilah teased, almost cooing as her free hand was slowly sliding down, resting on Josh's bulge. "It seems rather unprofessional of you to bump into your real estate agent so suddenly." Her hand stated massaging at it, as if tempting it to break out. "And with how you gandered at her so lustfully in her office, she might think you were thinking of other things."

"Well...I...Umm..." Josh had no idea what to do. He wasn't sure if he should stop this and possibly ruin this deal, or maybe go along with it and sweeten the deal. But the sudden loud sound of hooves broke the awkward hesitation.

"Hey Boss!" Called a somewhat muscular looking stone grey Earth stallion with no mane to speak of, wearing a sleeveless white shirt and a black pair of jeans. "I came just as soon as I got your call."

"G-granite?!" Josh called, thankfully that his friend had hopefully not seen what Delilah was doing. Backing away from the mare, Josh was able to break away from her seductions. "Delilah, this is Granite, my General Manager of my trade guild. And Granite, this is Delilah, the real estate agent who is selling this lovely property to us."

"Oh this is just perfect." Granite smiled, his eyes looking everywhere and taking in the splendor. "We can definitely run a tight one here Boss."

"Yes well, I just need to sign the paperwork and we can be all settled." Josh commented, only to see a strange smirk on Delilah's face.

"There is no major rush Mr. Josh." Delilah said, reorganizing her papers. "We can iron out all the settlements and legal signatures in my office at a later time. For now, I believe you and your friend should work on "setting up shop" as you might call it." Before allowing Josh to say another work, Delilah left, making sure he got a good look of her ass before departing.

"Damn!" Granite chuckled. "If that's our real estate agent, i wonder who our lawyer will be? But it looks like we got our work cut out for us."

"We sure do." Josh sighed, partially worried over how big of a cleanup this was going to be, and partially because he was nervous what Delilah would do to him when he went to her office to sign everything. "How many worker do we have currently?"

"I was able to get roughly two hundred to help with the cleanup with another three hundred to finish cleaning and begin stocking." Granite commented. "But enough about business, this is BIG, I mean wet tshirt big Boss. Let's celebrate!"

"Yes, sure." Josh sighed in relief. "I could use something to ease the tension."

While Josh had his near army of crew and workers clean up and set his new property up for business, Granite was able to convince him to go out to a local restaurant called the Tasty Treat. While there, Josh and Granite dined on exotic dishes found only in the further eastern continents; which Josh easily compared to what Humans call Indian Food. Though Granite was fond and intrigued by what Earth was like, as well as its cultures, he usually stuck to his job and his never ending quest to flirt with attractive mares; though his current attempt to serenade the Tasty Treat's own Saffron Masala was met with another spectacular failure.

"Granite, just give up." Josh said, taking another sip of his drink. "I'm telling you as your friend, you don't need to flirt with everything in a skirt."

"At least I try my friend." Granite replied in a playful laugh, gulping down his drink. "How long have we known each other now? Several months? Years maybe? We worked in the same trade guild and found our own when we made the bits, but I've never seen you take an interest in anymare. Hell, not even the exotic curves of those human women seem to just bounce off you."

"Well, I've just been so busy with my work." Josh replied, not wanting to have this discuss again with Granite; though a good friend and hard worker, Granite can be rather impulsive and assertive at times.

"But it only makes you tense up." Granite responded. "I mean, take that hot real estate babe from today. If I was as tensed up as you, I would've jumped that sexy piece of flank as soon as I could close a door. I mean did you see how she was eyeing you? She wanted you so bad, I even feel bad for cockblocking you like that."

"It's fine, nothing was going to happen." Josh replied, but his mind was still uncertain what Delilah was about to do to him if Granite never showed up.

"No, no. You need help." Granite replied, his tone becoming the assertive one Josh had grown accustomed to. "Here, look into this." Reaching into his pocket, Granite pulled out a business card with what looked like an ad and two lipstick marks; one blue and one pink.

"Mint Pie: The best way to ease your tension." Josh read, looking over the card. "Is this a prostitute business card? I didn't even think prostitution was even in Equestria?!"

"Oh Josh, the things a pony gets a cutie mark in can really shock you." Granite chuckled. "But this one is very professional. I met her back in the rock fields, and boy was she ever effective. I was so loose and flexible for months."

"Okay, did not need to hear that." Josh cringed a little. "So she's an Earth mare?"

"Well, yes and no." Granite responded, much to Josh's confusion. "You'll know when you meet her, trust me."

"I don't know, this feels kinda wrong." Josh replied, not too sure he should go to a prostitute when he hasn't even slept with anyone since coming to Equestria. "Besides, i don't even know their rates."

"Tell them Granite sent you, and it'll be no problems." Granite replied, but the still unsure look in Josh's eyes kept him talking. "How about this Boss, if you're not one hundred percent relaxed and didn't enjoy her, I'll give you my month's salary."

"That's a pretty big bet you're making." Josh could see how confident Granite was in his bet, and Josh also knew that the semi stubborn earth stallion could not be persuaded out of this. "Okay, fine. I'll take that bet." Josh then raised his glass.

"That's the spirit!" Granite replied, lifting his glass and ringing it against Josh's in agreement.