The Conversion Bureau: Too Late
We Were Too Late
no sh*t sherlock
I was there eleven years ago when the craft landed in Equestria. Thinking back it was extremely fortunate that in landed in our lands. I’m not sure if the Changelings or Gryphons would be as kindhearted and compassionate.
The craft came from space. It was metallic and finely made. From the moment I saw it I knew it wasn’t just some meteor. And sure enough when we got it to Canterlot to open it up we found a treasure trove.
At first glance it was some kind of space time capsule, but as we examined all the artifacts inside we found that it was a cry for help. It took months of studying language spells before I could create a new one that would apply. A language spell that could decipher an alien language. I quite was proud of that accomplishment.
There were hundreds and hundreds of pictures of the aliens and of different events and things the aliens had built. There were anatomy books, history books, books on math and science. I was pleased to add copies of them to my library.
This planet, wherever it was, seemed amazing and lifely. However I eventually found a long letter which changed everything. One of the first lines was:
“May God Forgive us, As We have destroyed ourselves."
The rest of the letter detailed how these “humans” had used their world’s resources to their limits. The oceans on their planet had been poisoned with garbage and chemicals and their fresh water would later meet the same fate.
Overpopulation was apparently also a big problem, and the surplus of people brought upon widespread famine and diseases ran wild.
We need to help these beings, but it was clear that their world was beyond saving. We would have to ferry any survivors back to Equestria.
However it was Princess Celestia’s concern that a bunch of human aliens running around Equestria might cause a panic. She would later confess to me her true concern. That even if we did bring humans over, what if they continued to the same things they did on Earth?
And so began the extraordinarily lengthy process to create a serum that could convert human DNA to pony DNA. There was human DNA all over the interior of the craft which we used for testing. Naturally Princess Celestia put me in charge of the projects.
I had hoped to deliver assistance to Earth as soon as possible, but progress on the serum was slower than I could’ve ever imagined. Those people were dying and suffering constantly on that planet, but Celestia insisted that we first have a way to convert them into ponies.
By my best estimates of Earth Time, it took for me just under 10 years before I finally had a break through in my research.
Finally here we were about to enter the portal to Earth. Luna and I had our saddlebags filled with test vitals of the serum to be used on the first humans.
As magic drained into the portal, It finally opened. I couldn’t see much as clouds obscured my view.
Celestia entered first, followed closely by her sister. Once I had swallowed back my nervousness I followed them.
The portal had opened several thousand feet above the surface of Earth. The sky here was a wondrous shade of blue with a few puffy clouds here and there. I looked below us and saw a large cluster of buildings. A plethora of cars were driving in between them.
When I looked back to Princess Celestia, she was doing something...quite odd.
Her wings carried her upwards while she radiated a golden aura of power. And as she rose higher and higher above us she shouted this.
“Humanity, Your suffering is at an end, For I am here for you now! No longer shall you gather in your churches, synagogues, mosques or monasteries. No longer shall you look up at your false gods and prophets for absolution of your sins against this world. When you look up to the heavens you shall only see me! The salvation you have prayed for shall be found in me! What we carry with us will be the instrument of your redemption! We shall-” Princess Celestia heard a voice and stopped her bizarre rant.
“Hey, hey guys.”
All three of us looked around for the spreaker.
“Right down here guys.” It came from below us. Three humans rose to our level on a floating platform. From what I could tell they looked perfectly healthy. The one in the middle who had spoke seemed quite young.
“Hey Guys, My name’s Chris. I'm in charge of extra-terrestrials in this sector. Um is there anything I can help you with?” Because of my language spell, we could all understand what was being said. At first none of us replied, still in amazement at the first sight of an actual human. While he waited for a response, he gazed back and forth between the three of us with a awkward confusion on his face.
“We are here to save you!” Celeste blurted out after a moment.
“Mmm yes I got that part.” Chris said with a puzzled tone. “But when you say that um… what are you talking about exactly?” When he finished he puffed up his cheeks and tapped his chin with a finger.
I was completely shocked. I looked to Celestia, who looked to Luna who then looked back to me.
“We...we got your space capsule.” I said to him in amazement that he was ignorant of what had happened in his own world. “It said you desperately needed help here?”
Chris looked to one of the men standing next to him for an answer. He did so as if he had no idea what we were talking about. After almost a minute, he was quietly told some information and said “Ohhhhh” to the man and added a chuckle at the end.
“Well this is awkward, but it turns out that capsule is just a litttttllle bit out of date.” Chris said turning back to us. “We’ve already fixed all that stuff. Everything’s pretty cool here now.”
I had to take a step back. What was he talking about?! “But we received that capsule only around eleven of your Earth years ago!” I shouted.
“Yeaaaaaah.” He said turning his head to the side and scratching his hair. “You RECEIVED it eleven years ago, but it was sent it from Earth around hmm lets see...” He paused for a moment as he checked a small handheld device. “Yeah we sent that capsule out a little bit over 400 years ago…”
I felt sick. I brought my hooves to my head and started to fall from the sky.
“Aw here come on.” Chris said. The platform quickly moved under me to stop my decent. “Take a little rest.” I laid out on the metal surface wondering why I didn’t foresee this. I had been so stupid and wasted 10 years of my time.
“This is all my fault.” I said starting to tear up.
“No hey come on.” Chris put a hand on my back. “It's not all your fault. We invented much faster ships that could've intercepted and destroyed that pod, but we didn't for it's... historical significance.” He rolled his eyes and used air quotes for the last part.
“Come on let's get out of here.” Celestia said flatly as she opened the portal. Luna exited quickly and quietly and Celestia hurriedly waved me over.
“Well thanks for coming by guys, we really appreciate it.” Chris waved goodbye to us with warm smile. “See ya.”
“Yeah.” I said softly as I walked through the portal. “See ya.”
