Kalianne meets Anon

by Blissey1

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Self Insert, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 2036

Anon meets a friendly snake pony

Ever since anon came to Equestria, he's been a magnet for all sorts of strange half pony creatures and other oddities. Fortunately, they've all been surprisingly nice and friendly.

This is one such encounter.

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Written as a gift for Badumsquish, owner and creator of all the creatures depicted herein, because he's super awesome and because Kalianne is my first and only waifu. The creatures shown here are only the tip of the iceberg; go check out his stuff and see for yourself how insane it all gets! But you may want to keep your filters on when you do...

Published 2016-07-19 20:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-19 20:00:01 UTC

Chapter 1

An anon with particularly generic messy anime hair sat on the couch in the home he had been given on the edge of the Everfree forest, sipping on a hot cup of coffee. It was late in the fall, late enough that the days were getting quite chilly. In lieu of a fire roaring in the fireplace, however, he had a space heater sitting on the side table next to him. A space heater that was also inexplicably a pony.

“It's not too hot for you, is it, Anon?” the living appliance asked.

“No, it's just right, Fire Heart. Thank you.” Anon replied. After having first shown up in this strange world filled with unicorns, pegasi, dragons, magic, and other oddities, he had thought that living household appliances were just another strange normality in this land called Equestria. It was only later that Princess Twilight had informed him that that wasn't the case at all. It was very unusual, and for some reason she had yet to discover, only seemed to happen to him in this house.

Anon didn't mind, though. If nothing else, it meant he always had someone to talk to.

He was distracted from his musings by a knock on the front door. “Hm, I wonder who that could be?” Fire Heart asked.

“I don't know,” Anon replied, “I don't think I'm expecting anypony over today…” He glanced down at the watch on his wrist, which was also inexplicably a pony that he had named Anni, but the living fashion accessory only changed its digital display to a question mark as it looked back up at him, an unsure expression on its face.

With a shrug, Anon placed his mug down on the side table, got up and headed towards the door. He opened it and, looking down at where a pony would be, he instead saw what had to be over thirty feet of blue coiled scales. His eyes shot open in alarm, but when he looked up, he saw, perched atop the bundle of scales, the upper half of a pony.

He remained speechless only a moment before giving a hesitant “Hello?”

“Hi,” the pony snake creature answered somewhat nervously. “My name is Kalianne! I live in the Everfree Forest, which kind of makes me your next door neighbor! I’ve heard you’re real friendly with all sorts of not completely pony creatures, so I was wondering if, uhh…” She began twirling her mane with the tip of her tail. “You see, it gets really cold in the Everfree during the winter, and, being mostly snake, I really don’t do very well in the cold, so…”

“So you want to know if you can stay with here with me for a while?” Anon finished for her, already knowing where this was going. This wasn’t the first equinoid creature to come to him from the Everfree; he seemed to be a magnet for them. He briefly recalled that goo pony that had stayed with him for a time, and that one giant pony that he had befriended.

Kalianne’s eyes lit up. “Yes! Can I please!? I promise I won’t get in the way of things! I just need a heat source to curl up next to! Or, you know,” he continued sheepishly, averting her eyes, “if you like cuddling, you could even be my heat source… I really like cuddling…”

Anon smiled and rolled his eyes. He knew most ponies would run screaming in terror from this snake pony creature, but to him she was just another oddity in this world where everything was strange and alien to him. “Sure, you can stay here,” he said

She let out one of the happiest gasps he had ever heard. “Oh my gosh you mean it!? Thank you so much!” she shouted, then lunged forward and bowled Anon over. He found himself completely wrapped in her coils, her pony half giving him one of the tighter hugs he’d received since appearing in this world. “You have no idea how much this means to me! I love living out there in the Everfree during the summer, but I hate it during the winter! I promise I’ll do everything you ask me to do and I’ll be the best housemate you’ve ever had!”

“Okay, okay!” Anon replied with a chuckle as she nuzzled his face in appreciation. “I’m sure you’ll be a great housemate! But could you let me go now?”

“Oh! Of course, sorry!” She quickly uncoiled from around him in a flurry of activity, twisting him about, and before Anon knew it he was back on his feet.

‘Woah…” he muttered to himself as he staggered about slightly, then shook his head to make his vision stop spinning. He reached down booped his pony watch on the nose, causing it to beep and its display to let off a flash. It was a spell Princess Twilight had cast on Anni for Anon to quickly summon her anytime another strange creature or living appliance showed up. “So,” he said, looking back up at Kalianne, “how about I show you around a bit?”

But Kalianne had heard the beep from Anni and instead slithered around to get a look. “Ooh, what was that?”

Anon held up his arm for Kalianne to get a look at his companion. “This is my watch. I call her Anni.” Anni looked up at Kalianne with a smile and gave a happy sounding “BEEP BEEP!” as Hello! appeared on its digital display.

“Neat! I’ve never seen a watch before! Hi to you, too, Anni!” Kalianne said, then looked back to Anon. “So, where to first?”

Anon stepped past her a moment to close the front door before turning back again. “Well, first we have the living room,” he said, gesturing to the open area before them. He walked to the couch in the center of the room, Kalianne slithering behind him. “This is Shaded Pole,” he said, pointing at the fan against the back wall, which, again, was also inexplicably a pony.

“Greetings, madame,” Shaded said with a small bow, “welcome to our humble abode.”

Kalianne blinked at the living floor fan a moment before responding with a confused “Hi…” She then turned back to look at Anon. “I, uhh, admittedly don’t have much experience with pony household items, but aren’t fans usually…. not ponies?”

“From what I’ve been told, yes,” Anon answered, “but you’ll find a lot of things in this house are ponies.” He turned around to the side table next to the couch. “Like Fire Heart here, who I’m sure you’re going to become best friends with.”

“Hey there!” Fire Heart said with a wave.

Kalianne’s eyes widened as she got closer. “Oh my gosh, are you… a heater!?”

“Yup!” Fire Heart replied. “You ever need any warming up, then I’m your pony!”

Anon didn’t think he’d ever seen a creature look happier than Kalianne did at that moment. “Oh my gosh you are the best thing ever!” She lunged forward to grab her in a hug.

“Woah, hold on mam, you shouldn’t-”

“AHHHH!” Kalianne reared back in pain, hoof holding her chest.

“Directly touch the heating vent…” Fire Heart finished.

“Are you okay!?” Anon rushed forward.

“I’m fine, it’s just a little burn…” Kalianne answered with a wince. “It stings a bit, but I’ve had worse.”

“Even so,” Shaded pole, who was leaning over to get a look, said, “you should go to the kitchen and get some ice to put on that. One cannot be too careful with such things!”

“Right,” Anon nodded in agreement, “come on, Kalianne, let’s get you some ice to put on that.”

Kalianne followed Anon into the kitchen and plopped herself down in front of the counter while Anon went to the fridge.

“Well hello there, dearie! It’s always nice to see a new face around here!”

Kalianne looked up in surprise to see what seemed to be a small white pony with a red mane laying atop the counter. “Oh, hi! I’m Kalianne.”

“Well nice to meet you, Kalianne! I’m Ginger Bread, a toaster!”

Kalianne blinked in confusion. “A toaster? What’s that?”

Ginger chuckled. “What, ya never seen a toaster before? Here, lemme show ya!” She walked over to a small box next to the fridge where Anon was currently gathering some ice into a bag. She opened the box to reveal a loaf of bread inside and, with a surprising amount of dexterity grabbed two slices of bread out with her mouth and tossed them over her head to land directly into the slots on her back. She then walked back to lie down in front of Kalianne. “Now you just gotta wait for a bit while I toast the bread!”

Kalianne could feel the fabulous heat emanating from the strange pony but, still stinging from her encounter with Fire Heart, kept her hooves to herself. She instead just leaned forward to bask in the heat as best as she could.

“Careful there, dearie,” Ginger said, “you don’t want yer face to be too close when the bread is done!”

Kalianne reluctantly leaned back a just a bit. She closed her eyes and just soaked in the heat for a minute when she heard Anon next to her. “Oh, thanks, Ginger! Something to snack on would be perfect!” He handed a bag of ice to Kalianne, who grabbed it with her tail and held it against her chest. She gave a little hiss, then a relieved sigh.

“Of course, Anon. They’re just about ready!” Ginger said. She got up to trot over to the sink and picked out a clean dish from the drying rack with her mouth. She craned her head back to place the plate next to her body and with a swift motion the two pieces of bread popped out of her and onto the plate. She trotted back to them and presented her goods.

“Thanks, Ginger. Your toast is always the best.” Anon said as he took a slice and began munching away at it.

Kalianne, not familiar with bread let alone toast, looked at the burnt looking thing curiously for a moment. She glanced at Anon, who was clearly enjoying his own piece, then shrugged and grabbed the other piece. She took a bite and contemplatively munched on it for a bit. “You know, this ain’t half bad!”

Ginger, having put the plate down, smiled back at her. “Glad to hear it!”

The trio were interrupted by another knock at the front door, though this time Anon knew exactly who it was. “I’ll get it! Kalianne, you wait here.” Anon left Kalianne and Ginger in the kitchen as he went to the door. He opened it to see a familiar purple alicorn looking back at him.

“Hey, Anon!” Princess Twilight Sparkle said. “I got your signal in the middle of doing something, but I came as quickly as I could. What is it this time?”

“Well…” Anon said, unsure how to tell Twilight that a pony version of one of her phobias had shown up. “I think you might not like this one…”

“Nonsense, Anon! You’ve attracted some strange creatures, but they’ve all been perfectly friendly in the end!” Twilight replied. She stepped past Anon and went inside. “I’m sure this one won’t be any dif-” she looked into the kitchen and her eyes dilated as she froze in place. “-frent…”

Anon rushed up behind Twilight to see Kalianne staring back at her, jaw hanging open. “Oh my gosh.” Kalianne said. “Are you an… an alicorn?”

Twilight, frozen like a deer in headlights, was barely able to nod in response.

Kalianne let out a gasp. “You’re so pretty!” Kalianne shouted, then lunged forward and bowled Twilight over. She had the alicorn completely wrapped in her coils, much to Twilight terror. “I’ve heard of alicorns before but I’ve never seen one in pony! Your wings are so soft and pretty, and I love your horn! AAAAAWWW! You’re so soft and huggable!”

Anon saw the true look of terror in Twilight’s eyes. “Help… me…” she croaked out, imploringly reaching a hoof out to him.

Anon sighed. This was going to be an interesting day.