I'm Done For the Day, and Probably Forever, Sorry For the Inconvenience
"Spike, I give up."
"Huh? What's up, Twilight?"
"That's it. That's all there is to it."
"Oh.
"Yeah."
"Wait, what?"
"I think that's pretty straight forward."
"...I'm not sure I'm really understanding."
"Until you've lost all faith, Spike, I'm not sure you ever will," Twilight said as she stared wistfully off into the distance. "No one can understand the pain I feel, for the things I have witnessed have scathed me too deep."
"What? Are you hurt?"
"My soul is, Spike."
"Uh... should I get someone?"
"No, Spike... they will not be able to understand my suffering."
"Twi, why are you talking like that?"
"Spike.... Spike, Spike, Spike... Spike."
"Twilight you're making my weird sound name. I mean, you know. My name sound weird. Spike."
Twilight did not respond, simply staring off into the sunset, looking for a kindred spirit.
"Uh, so, uh, what's wrong...?"
"Please, mine woes require more mature ears than thine's. Do not be offended, for it is not thou who hast brought this atrocity to my attention."
"Uh.... why are you talking—you know what, I'll just go get Starlight. So. Yeah. Okay."
Starlight entered the room swiftly. "Uh, so, Twilight...! What did you call me for?"
"Starlight, there must be something shared with thou by I. It is a subject found to be so risque that... I find myself not entirely certain whether or not I should convey my escapades with thee."
Starlight had to think for a brief moment, parsing Twilight's poem. "You... should? I think. I'm going with 'yes'. Final answer."
"Starlight, my dear pupil, I must... start somewhere. So I begin at this instance. This is a tale of love, lust, and betrayal by those I thought I found dear to me. Mineself must be collected, I apologize, before I begin."
"Uh. Yeah. Sure. Okay. Definitely. Go for it. Really."
It was but a humble midsummer's day. I found myself to be frolicking through the beautiful pathways of our humble village, granted to us by the benevolent maker and their providence, that we call Ponyville. For it is here that many a Ponies live their lives happily, and it is here that we may be those ponies in question. It was but thirteen a minutes past the zenith, and I was but a happy, simple, and innocent princess, trotting down the street, without proper protection, just as any humble noble should—for, of course, this signifies, at least in the minds of the commonponies, that said ponies are safe. But I digress.
As I stood, taking in all the sights and sounds, I looked upon something that I had not yet seen in all my time. Perhaps, I presumed, that the establishment in question was new. Being a curious one, I decided that I would investigate.
Book stores are, of course, a normal part of every notable enclave. Perhaps I was too naive in assuming that what I would find would be completely clean. In any library one finds many books detailing gruesome scenes. My mind, I must admit is no virgin.
And so it was that I entered the establishment in question. Nearing the counter, I turned to the clerk to issue a greeting and a warm smile. He deserved no such thing.
I browsed for some time before I found myself approaching a section that seemed strange. For it was here there was a wall with a black door, and a sign reading "18+". Understanding the legal limit for gambling, recreational substance usage, and magic practitioner's licences, I proceeded knowing that the more mature material must have been through the portal.
I opened the door cautiously.
I browsed, noting some of the more... "high concept" titles such as... Mares in Space and... need I describe these atrocities?
But that wasn't it. It was... no! I cannot describe the ludicrousy of it!
But I will! I found myself! In compromising positions, mind you!
And at that moment, I realized that I had lost all faith. I realized just how done with living I truly was. I realized that I Just Give up
So I burned it to the ground. All of it.
"Okay, Okay, wait, sorry. I've never been good with audio books. I missed the last part. The first part had some stuff I was still trying to get, sorry. Can you repeat it? I completely missed it."
"I saw pornography of myself!"
"Oh."
"...Oh?"
Starlight grimaced. "Oh...." Then her eyes widened. "And you just burned it down?!"
"...Perhaps I did. That's not important."
"You can just burn stuff down when you're a princess?!"
"Starlight, please, I'm mortified here. You were supposed to help me."
"Yeah, but! Okay, so if you were Celestia's student, and you became a princess, do you think that because I'm your student, I can become a princess? I've always wanted to burn places down!"
"Starligh—"
"There was this one filly in grade school. I hated her. She would always pick on me.... Maybe this is my chance....."
"Starlight, you are currently giving me less faith. Wait, actually, I think I've just found the last bit of hope that I thought I'd lost."
"Oh? That's good, I think."
"And you made me lose it. I only knew it was there because you made me lose it. Thanks."
"Princess, I... I saw pictures the other day. And I... I'm not sure I'll ever be able to have faith in ponykind ever again."
"Twilight, I understand. Not all that long ago, I was forced the burn a building down myself."
"You do understand."
"Yes, Twilight, when you see pictures as unflattering as those, it makes you question your own existence. Not to mention the various... literature."
"Thank you for being someone I could confide in, Princess."
"Yes. But do understand Twilight: it is not wise to lose faith yet. You see, those pictures were taken without permission. But luckily, there is one way to ensure that next time, a poor quality photo is not taken."
"Wait, where are you—"
"You take one your self. Bootlegs nearly never compare to the original."
Twilight stood up and walked out the room.
"And so, doctor, that's how I ended up here. I just... I've hit rock bottom. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to restore my faith."
"I see. I will prescribe you... perhaps a walk in the park. Watch the ducklings follow their mother. It's quite adorable."
"But—but! No! Come on!"
"You saw yourself naked. From behind. Don't you have a mirror? And aren't you almost always naked?"
"But! It's the principle! I have morals!"
"You also have mirrors. Both start with an 'm'. I see no difference. And I have a degree."
"Yeah in psychiatry, not... seeing!"
"I think this concludes our meeting. If you have any more comments on the topic, personally, I think I'd consult a gynecologist. Or maybe a photographer."
Author's Note
Yeah. I tried.
(Not really)
