Gordon Freeman's Side Trip To Equestria

by Powerdrainer

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Crossover, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 22714

Gordon Freeman winds up in Equestria and searches for his crowbar.

It was supposed to be so simple. Step into the teleporter and join Eli Vance and his daughter, Alyx Vance at Black Mesa East. Of course, life hardly proved to be simple to Gordon, and today was no exception. Having only just been brought back by his inhuman 'friend', Gordon once more finds himself face to face with the not quite human individual who seems to hold a particular interest in him. Worse, this face to face just so happen to coincide when the teleporter goes ballistic thanks to a certain domesticated headcrab.

Now Gordon finds himself in a strange world with even stranger inhabitants, without any weapon to defend himself. Will he be able to survive, or will the magic of friendship and harmony do irreparable damage to his respectable intellect?

Also, just where did his crowbar end up?

This fic was requested by Mr-War. Although he was not all too specific with what he wanted other than it should be a crossover with Half Life, and just let me come up with the general story. So, here it is. A silly fic about Gordon going on a chase to find his crowbar. Don't expect it to be too serious. Characters may act out of character from time to time, although I do try to keep it to a minimum. Updates will also be sporadic, as I am focusing most of my time on my own fics. But those who know me should be used to this by now.:rainbowwild:

This fic showed up in the feature list on:
August 30th, 2016.

Really, guys. Thanks.

[img]http://oi68.tinypic.com/fv0xz.jpg[/img]

Published 2016-08-23 16:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-09-15 16:21:14 UTC

The Right Man In The Wrong Place

This chapter is edited by Halusm, Clayton the Hunter, Clawder, and Slayerseba.

The Right Man In The Wrong Place.

<<>><<>><<>>

Today was a red letter day.

Gordon knew, as it had been said so by both Alyx Vance, as well as Isaac Kleiner. The latter, a bald, glasses-wearing Doctor; whose secret and run-down laboratory he found himself in, now busy at work setting up the teleporter with which he had just teleported Alyx.

The lab itself, which was a well hidden location of the resistance, was cluttered with all sorts of technological gadgets and gear, as well as the usual discarded junk one would expect to find in an unofficial, illegally run, off the grid area. Old, burnt out computer screens, carelessly placed in some corner; large filing cabinets with drawers half open and papers sticking half out; staples of documents cluttering some desk; multiple pipes running the walls and ceiling. At the center of this organized chaos was a headcrab named Lamarr, currently running wild in a place unknown to him nor to Doctor Kleiner and Barney.

Not that such a thing mattered to him, seeing he was about to be teleported to Eli Vance. Although, the mere thought of him teleporting did bring back some rather dark memories he would rather not think about. Still, he trusted the people around him and so he found himself on the raised platform, as the teleporter activated.

"What the hell!?" Barney yelled as, with a loud clatter, a ventilation roster came falling down.

"What is it?" Isaac called out, voice slightly raised to be heard over the active machinery.

"It's your pet, the freakin' head-humper!" Barney shot back as Lamarr came falling down out of the vent and dropped onto an electrical system. Using her powerful 'mouth', normally used to bite through someone's skull in order to tap into their victim's brain and seize control over their bodies, she chomped into the metal underneath her; sparks flying as she damaged something important, which scared the headcrab away as it jumped right into the active teleporter. But just before she crossed the teleportation field, everything around Gordon slowed down, then came to a stop; all the colors fading and turning grey.

"Doc-tor Freeman," an all too familiar voice spoke up, and Gordon twisted his neck to see the business suit clad, briefcase-holding inhuman stand next to the teleporter; looking up at him with his piercing eyes, "I know this moment may not be the mossst convenient of times, but there has been, ah, a slight change of plans," he said in a slow, commanding manner, with a certain accentuated low-key moroseness to his tone, bordering on the cryptic, "Your presence is… required elsewhere. For now, at least. Hmmm. Not. To. Worry, Doctor Freeman. You'll return, eventually. But, for now…" —he reached behind him— "The audience is yearning for a different kind of adventure," and threw a crowbar towards him.

Time resumed the instant he did so, and the tool hit the teleportation field at the exact same time Lamarr did.

Everything went to hell after that.

<<>><<>><<>>

He wasn't here, he wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere.

The moment Lamarr and the crowbar had hit the teleportation field, the system malfunctioned, making the machine loose their target coordinates and causing Gordon to leap from one place to another.

First he appeared in some arid wasteland; some crows crowing in the distance, the only sound. Then he found himself back in Kleiner's laboratory, on the teleportation platform, while Isaac and Barney were shouting at each other, desperately trying to fix the disastrous malfunction. Then he suddenly found himself standing in front of Alyx and Eli, at the target destination.

Alyx said: "He's coming through, dad."

"What's going on, Judith?" Eli asked the woman standing next to the teleporter control panel.

"I'm not sure, it seems like some kind of interference," she answered with a nervous edge to her voice.

"Gordon, stay put. We'll get you out of there!" Eli called out to Gordon, only for him to vanish once more.

This time Gordon found himself in a large office room. A multi-screen computer standing against the far wall. Tall, but narrow windows lined the wall, allowing in the light for the man sitting at the single, grand desk to work. A man Gordon knew.

"What's the meaning of this!? Who are you?" Wallace Breen shouted in surprise, pushing his chair back as he stood up.

"Hey, he's back! I'm getting him outta there," Kleiner said with surprise as Gordon reappeared on the teleportation platform. Then he noticed Barney rushing towards the teleporter, his intent clear, "You can't just wade into the field, it will peel you apart!"

"We just lost Gordon, what's going on!?" Alyx demanded over the computer.

"I wish I knew. I'm encountering unexpected interference!" Kleiner shouted back, desperately working the controls trying to regain control.

"Don't worry, Gordon. We'l-" Barney said, only to be cut off as Gordon vanished yet again.

"There he is!" Alyx cried out.

"Gah, we're losing him again," Judith realized.

"The man I saw... I'm all but certain it was…" Wallace Breen said, reporting to his Combine masters as Gordon once more appeared in his office. Breen fell silent as he slowly turned around, "... Gordon Freeman!"

Gordon vanished again, and suddenly found himself falling into the middle of a large lake.

His heart, already beating with the force of a jackhammer through the disaster he currently found himself in, pounded even harder, when out of the darkness under water a massive Combine beast lunged for him, mouth wide open.

He vanished just in time.

"What do you mean ‘he's not there’?" Kleiner asked demandingly at Eli.

"He didn't come through," Eli answered hurriedly through the computer.

"Then, where is he!?" Kleiner shouted.

"Behind you!" Eli said with both shock and surprise, and Isaac Kleiner turned around to see Gordon, releasing a yelp in surprise.

"Shut it down, SHUT IT DOWN!" Eli shouted.

Suddenly, the image of Gordon's inhuman 'friend' flashed before his mind's eye, and the teleportation machine sparked electricity out of the controls, zapping Kleiner.

"AAAHH!" he yelled as he spasmed.

"What happened!?" Eli demanded urgently, then Gordon vanished again, "Gordon, GORDON!"

<<>><<>><<>>

It was a warm and sunny day in Ponyville, with sparsely any cloud in the sky thanks to the pegasus weather team. Birds were chirping pleasantly, filling the air with song while the many ponies walked to and fro, happily greeting everyone they met with smiles.

The bright light of the sun, provided to them by their beloved Princess Celestia, also reflected off the gleaming crystal of resident princess Twilight castle; glittering and gleaming with numerous colors, adding to the warm and welcoming feeling the town radiated… as long as you didn't stare directly into the reflected light. A mistake, many made during the first several days.

The sunglasses salespony had never sold his merchandise so fast, until that memorable week.

Yet a storm was brewing. A certain pressure they could all feel, but were unable to place. Although, it probably had something to do with the mysterious reality warp in the center of the town, but it was probably nothing. And even if it wasn’t, the ponies didn't pay it much mind, as Equestria's heroes, the Element bearers, were right on top of it. Literally in Pinkie Pie's case.

"Ah dun’ ‘now, Twilight. This doohickey seems mighty strange to me," Applejack remarked, scratching herself behind an ear as she looked at the distortion.

"You're sure Discord isn't responsible for this?" the purple scholar asked Fluttershy.

"Oh goodness, no. He wouldn't just do something like this without telling me," Fluttershy spoke with a soft voice, gently shaking her head, "Besides, Discord and I have an agreement: he will keep any serious chaos magic to a limit in town."

"If you say so," Rainbow Dash said with just the slightest hint of doubt, "But then what are we dealing with?"

"I have no idea," Twilight replied, skimming through several books at once, "I have never seen, nor even heard of anything like this."

"Ooh, maybe it is a faulty teleportation doorway, through which a new bestest friend will appear, with who we will experience a super duper grandiose adventure," Pinkie Pie chimed in.

"Pinkie, dear. I doubt that is what this is," Rarity countered.

"Also, Pinkie. Get down from that intangible, impossible to physically interact with distortion. It might be dangerous," Twilight muttered with only a slightest sign of an eye-twitch, trying her hardest not to figure out how Pinkie was doing what she did, knowing all too well where that path would lead to.

"Aaawww," Pinkie moaned disappointedly, slowly sliding down, rump first, when she suddenly found her front legs hooked behind something, "Huh, what's tha-" a blinding flash of light cut her off, blinding all standing around the distortion.

"WHAT THE HAY WAS THAT!" Rainbow Dash yelled, blinking uncoordinatedly to clear her vision.

"BE CAREFUL, EVERYPONY!" Twilight shouted, surprised, stumbling backwards.

"WHEEE!" Pinkie Pie squealed.

"Pinkie, what in the name of Celestia are ya doin’?" Applejack demanded, rubbing her eyes with a hoof to clear her vision.

Pinkie didn't answer, save for another squeal of joy, alongside with some snorts and giggles.

"What is that pony up to this time?" Twilight murmured, blinking to clear the spots in her vision; seeing the slowly resolving image of Pinkie Pie holding onto… Holding onto...

"A HUMAN!" Twilight exclaimed, shocked, surprised and with mouth hanging partially open.

<<>><<>><<>>

Gordon mentally grunted as he flashed back into existence in some unknown place, no longer restricted by the teleportation field and free to move once again. However, the moment he felt the teleportation's hold over him drop, an unexpected weight settled on his back and he found himself falling backwards. Only a few wild counter steps prevented him from toppling over, which produced the unexpected result of whatever was on his back to squeal, snort and giggle.

"A HUMAN!" he heard a woman's voice and he finally became aware of the creatures surrounding him. Not human, not Combine, but some strangely built ponies.

Gordon came to a sudden stop, much to the disappointment of the weight on his back, which he now realized was another one of these creatures. How did it even get there?

"Aaww," the pink pony moaned disappointedly, when a purple aura suddenly came to surround her, plucking her off of his back.

Shocked by this unexpected show of anti-gravity capabilities, but able to hide it well thanks to his extensive experiences with surprising and most often terrifying turns of events, Gordon watched the pink pony being pulled to the purple pony, whose protrusion on her forehead was glowing with the same purple aura that surrounded the pink pony.

Gordon, ever the scientist, quickly analyzed the situation. Did this creature possess the ability to generate and manipulate a personal anti-gravity field? Did this ability also exist within the white pony, who shared a similar protrusion, or horn? Was this ability directly linked to this protrusion, or are the other creatures also capable of this feat while lacking a horn? Maybe, if the wings he noticed on some were any indication. They were far too small to allow someone of such mass to fly, let alone get off the ground. But combined with anti-grav-

"Hi, my name is Pinkie Pie. What's your name, mister human?"
Pinkie Pie chirped happily, bouncing in front of Gordon, who looked at the pink pony with perplexion and silence.

"Are you lost?" she continued asking, hoping to get the strange, but funny to ride on, human to talk.

"..."

"We're in Ponyville here. Where are you from?" Her smile started to become just a tiny bit forced.

"..."

"Are there more humans coming to visit?" Her bounce lost a bit of its vigor.

"..."

"It sure is a nice day, isn't it?"

"..."

Smile dropping, bounce failing, and mane sagging, Pinkie reared up on her hind legs, grabbed Gordon by the collar as if his HEV suit was made of normal fabric, and shook him back and forth, "WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME-WOAH!" Pinkie yelled as she was roughly pulled back by her tail by a stetson wearing pony.

"Maybe it would be better if I did the talking, Pinkie Pie," the purple pony interjected, smiling awkwardly at her friend, "After all, I've got some experience with humans."

Walking up to Gordon, she cleared her throat and stood just a bit straighter.

"Greetings, mister. My name is Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship. On behalf of ponykind, I welcome you to Equestria." she greeted with a welcoming smile, looking up at the tall human.

"..."

"These are my friends, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and you've already met Pinkie Pie."

"..."

"Although it is quite surprising for you to, eh, appear like this, would you mind telling us how you did so? We do know of a portal leading from the human world to ours, but clearly you didn't use it," she continued.

"..."

"It is rather important for us to know how you did transition from your world to ours. As welcome as you are, it would be cause of concern if humans were to suddenly start to pop up like this everywhere," and just like with Pinkie Pie, her smile started to become more, and more forced.

"..."

"Ehh.. I don't think he's going to talk, Twilight," Rainbow Dash spoke up.

"But why not? Did I say something that offended you?" she asked worriedly.

"Maybe he is just scared?" Gordon heard a timid voice speak up from behind the white pony.

"Oh, I say dear. I'm sure it is nothing like that. He is probably just tired, is all," said Rarity, brushing a hoof through her mane while eying critically towards Gordon's HEV suit, "One can understand, seeing the attire he is wearing," she added with a hint of well-restrained disgust.

This did draw a reaction from Gordon, in that his eyes flicked down for a moment to inspect his HEV suit, finding nothing wrong with it. Not only that, but him just standing there, doing nothing while surrounded by alien creatures who, although not yet hostile, have proven to be capable of anti-gravity capabilities was making him feel uncomfortable. And seeing the lack of any weapons for self defense, very outgunned.

He tried to slowly edge away from the creatures, scanning the surrounding area in search for some place where he could safely think and reorientate.

The ponies, however, had a different plan.

"Maybe we should take him to the castle, just to be safe," Twilight suggested.

"He is certainly drawing a lot of attention, yes," Rarity agreed and Gordon saw she was right. A large crowd, still growing in size, had already gathered a safe distance away; looking at him with wide, questioning eyes. Especially three small, presumably children ponies. One with no horn, or wings, but a large red ribbon in its hair. Another with a horn sticking out of its curly, two toned hair. And the third with wings twitching in, what he presumed to be anticipation.

"Okay, mister," Twilight spoke to him, "Would you please follow us? I'm sure we can figure things out back at my castle."

Gordon frowned pensively, the fingers of his right hand twitching slightly. He knew just following after some unknown creature with anti-gravity capabilities, on a clearly alien world was more than just a bad idea. He needed a place where he could reorient himself and even more importantly, to find some sort of weapon, should these creatures turn out to be a threat to him.

Didn't that dick of a non-human throw a crowbar into the teleporter? Where did it end up?

True, if he had the choice, he'd preferred a proper weapon just to level the playing field a bit. But even then, he knew from hard earned experience that a crowbar, in the hands of one who knows how to use it, would make an effective, if not limited weapon.

Still, he didn't have even that and all he knew he could rely on was just how hard he could punch something, and his mind. And right now, he knew that the latter would be better used in this situation than the former. So, silently and somewhat warily, he followed after the mares; keeping his eyes open for any escape route, should it be needed. But, at least for the time being, he didn't feel like he was in any sort of immediate danger.

He also knew all too well this could change in an instant.

<<>><<>><<>>

He needed to orientate, that much was certain. But, as he was now staring at the large, assumed to be holographic map before him, he was even more lost than ten minutes ago.

It started out well enough; strange, but still within the level of expectancy. But when the ponies led him to what appeared to be a throne room and subsequently sat down on a throne each, a large map, on a large round table came into being.

Now, several things became apparent to him at this point. One, clearly these six mares were important figures, seeing they all held a seat of clearly noticeable power. Two, their presence triggered the activation of the map, which showed a widespread, detailed map of whatever world this is. And three, for some reason, the marks on the ponies' flanks were flashing.

Apparently, this was unexpected to them as well, as they all looked down at the images depicted on their rumps with surprise, then realization.

A miniature representation of these images also appeared on the map, flashing above a distant location from here… Wherever here was.

Of course, this did nothing to help answer the question Gordon had. Even more, the flashing of their marks and their appearance on the map seemed to be the cause of some concern to the purple pony of the group.

"Pony feathers," she murmured, making Gordon cock an eyebrow, "The map is calling us out now of all times?"

"Well, it ain't really a surprise now, is it?" Applejack replied, "Ah mean, we were busy workin’ out how this map here works, when our new, eh, friend showed up."

"True," Twilight murmured her agreement, "but still, the timing is horrible."

"Whadda you mean?" Rainbow Dash asked, "It seems simple enough to me. Go to wherever this map thing tells us to go, kick flank, and be home before sunset. Easy."

"And who will look after, ehh… Dear, would you mind telling us your name?" Rarity asked Gordon.

Gordon frowned as he stood silent. The way they talked about him, it was almost as if they thought him to be a lost dog who was unable to look after himself.

Rarity's smile slowly grew more and more forced as Gordon remained silent, slowly giving the ponies a level gaze, before his eyes fell back on the map, frowning.

"Seriously, is there something wrong with this guy?" Rainbow Dash asked from behind a hoof, "I mean, he doesn't make a single sound, at all. What's up with that?"

"Why don't we worry about that later?" Twilight suggested, "In the meantime, I will send a letter to the Princesses informing them of our surprise guest. I'm sure they will be able to get through to him while we go investigate the place the map is sending us to."

<<>><<>><<>>

It was another day in Canterlot, with Princess Celestia sitting regally on her throne, having just finished the tedious task of day court when, with a magical poof a scroll popped into being.

For a slight moment, she was taken aback. Then she recognized the seal on the rolled up letter and she knew who it was from. She was almost beside herself as she gave a slight squee, not having received a letter from her former student in what seemed like ages and she pressed her front hooves against her cheeks in excitement as she grabbed the scroll in her magic before it could fall.

However, before she could even think about retrieving the letter and read it, the world around her seemed to grow still, and grey; her magic having suddenly vanished, yet the unopened letter hung perfectly still in the air.

"Princesss Celestia," a slow, morosely toned voice spoke up from behind her and an earth pony stallion slowly walked into view; wearing a perfectly fitting suit, while levitating a briefcase by his side despite the lack of any magic to do so.

"What? Who are you? How did you get in here?" she demanded, trying to stand up, but finding herself unable to do so. And, after trying to use her magic, she found it not working either.

"Please, do not be… alarmed. I'm not here to cause distress. I am, however, required to keep you… otherwise occupied. There is a new development unfolding and my… employers would rather not have it for you to… interfere. Not. To. Worry, Princess Celestia. We have already found a care-tak-er who is more than, ah, eager for you to help her out with some, shall we say, research."

"Excuse me?" Celestia shouted, worried and angry. Both over her sudden powerlessness and the implications of what this strange pony was saying.

"Ah, yes, hmm. I would reckon that my words are cause for some… concern. But a mare of your capabilities should be more than able to go though this… unharmed." —A shimmer rippled the air behind the stallion and a strange, oval shaped portal with shimmering blue sides opened up; showing a pure white chamber beyond, with limited furniture standing on the room's side— "Good day, Princess. And mind the, ah, turrets." and Celestia suddenly found herself plucked from her throne and deposited through the portal; the shimmering hole closing behind her.

Celestia looked around in shock as the portal had closed behind her, unable to wrap her mind around what had just happened. Then a voice spoke up, coming from all around her, and was unnaturally warped.

The moment the mentioned portal opened, Celestia stood with wide eyes as she saw what lay beyond.

"... WHAT THE ACTUAL BUCK!?"

<<>><<>><<>>

The letter was sent, which left the group of mares with little else to do than to wait for a response while trying to figure out what to do with the mute human still standing near the map, a quizzical frown etching his features.

"So, uhh… Seeing anything you recognize?" Twilight asked hopefully, trying to get the strange man to say something, anything.

Gordon didn't speak, of course, as he was left deliberately mute by his character creators. Of course, none of the mares or dragon knew this, nor was Gordon specifically aware of this fact himself either. Nor did it really matter.

What did matter was the glowing symbol hanging besides the symbols which were also displayed on the ponies' flanks. This other symbol, however, he knew all too well. The Lambda. The symbol which had become somewhat legendary throughout the resistance in their fight against the Combine, and the very image which was displayed on his HEV suit.

Somehow, for some reason, this map was telling him where to go.

He almost certainly knew who was responsible for that.

Twilight, unable in her attempt to get Gordon to talk, then turned her attention on the map. More specifically, the part of the map where her friends and her own Cutie Marks were displayed. Her eyes widened when, finally, she noticed the additional mark as well.

"Girls," she called out to her friends, "Come take a look at this."

"What is it, Twilight?" Rainbow Dash asked, flying to and then hovering above her friend as the rest gathered as well.

"Look," the purple mare pointed, and all could now see the strange new mark blinking on the map.

"Well, that's strange," Applejack commented.

"Whose Cutie Mark is that supposed to be?" Rainbow Dash remarked, hovering closer to the blinking symbol, "What kind of Mark is it even supposed to be?"

"Oh, oh," Pinkie Pie hooted enthusiastically, jumping up and down with a hoof raised.

"Yes, Pinkie?" Twilight turned to her friend.

"Do you know whose Cutie Mark this is?" Rarity asked her pink friend.

"Nope, not a clue," Pinkie asked, earning her a groan of her friends, "But maybe our human friend does. He does have the same image on that fancy suit of his."

"Wait, what!?" Twilight balked, twisting her neck so fast to look at Gordon, the man concluded that it couldn't have happened without her breaking something. The fact she seemed physically completely unharmed did make him raise an eyebrow. That and the almost manic gleam shining in the purple pony's eyes as she studied his suit in more detail, finally noticing the Lambda mark all the way up on his torso.

"Huh, kinda hard to miss," Applejack remarked.

"Well, there were other things going on," Rarity replied.

"Like a human showing up out of nowhere," Rainbow Dash added with a hint of sarcasm.

This set off yet another reaction, which soon spiraled down into a heated debate which, halfway through, somehow included various forms of pastries, courtesy of Pinkie Pie. Gordon, however, wouldn't have any of it. Realizing he wasn't going anywhere with these ponies, he took a moment to study the map, get a sense of the general direction he was with the basic landmarks he saw during the short walk over to Twilight's castle, and plotted a course from here to the glowing Lambda mark on the map.

It was a long way to go, he concluded, so he didn't waste any more time.

"OKAY!" Twilight yelled after a while, having lost complete track of the unexpected argument, "Everypony, can we please focus?"

"And I said: Eight spoons of sugar? Oh silly filly. You don't make sugar bread with only eight spoons of sugar. Noperooni, you use the entire bag. And that is how the Neighoming sugar rush came to be."

"Wait, what?" Rainbow Dash asked, interest piqued as she shot to Pinkie Pie, "You're the pony who did that"

"Did what?" Pinkie Pie asked, oblivious.

"The Neighoming sugar rush!"

"Oh, that. Nope," Pinkie Pie quipped.

"But I thought you just said you did," Rainbow countered.

"Oh no, Silly. I didn't do that. It was the sugar bread," Pinkie Pie explained, then pressed a pondering hoof against her muzzle, "Maaaybe we did use a bit too much sugar after all."

Five mares and one dragon stared at her in silence.

"Soooo," Pinkie Pie, continued, "Where did our, not wanting to talk, human go?"

"What do you mean?" Twilight asked, "He's right he-" she fell silent as she noticed the human was nowhere to be found.

"Oh, are we playing hide and go seek?" Pinkie Pie asked energetically, bouncing on the spot, "Alright mister human, wherever you are Pinkie Pie is going to find you~!" she said with a sing song voice, pronking away as she started looking in every unlikely spot; including underneath a fruit bowl and within Fluttershy's tail.

And as the pink mare went on her search for the surprisingly well hidden human, nopony noticed the castle's large doors stood slightly ajar.

Author's Note

Ah, welcome. I see you've made your way down here. In doing so, I hope you've enjoyed this story presented to you. A story requested by Mr-War. Of course, I hear you thinking, where on either Earth or Equestria could this go? Well, I could tell you, dear readers, but that would be spoiling the ride to come. No, the answer to his question you need to find yourselves. Although it hardly requires much from you, other than following our characters from here, the start of their journey, all the way to the story's conclusion. That, and of course wait for me, the author, to find the time and motivation to head to the stables and scoop up another dose of inspiration.

You are, of course, more than welcome to speculate and guess. In fact, I'm eagerly looking forwards to see what you alone, or together might come up with. Who knows, you may be right. Or maybe not, but will provide me with a hearty laugh, and maybe some new ideas.

Now, enough chit-chat. I've got some writing to do. So I bid you adieu, and until we meet again.

~Powerdrainer.

Well, It Looks Like We Won't Be Working Together

This chapter is edited by Halusm, Clawder, Clayton the Hunter, and Slayerseba.

Well, It Looks Like We Won't Be Working Together.

<<>><<>><<>>

The ponies all ran out of the castle when they found out the silent human was no longer there; the castle's front door slamming open as they did so. All the ponies nearest to the castle stopped what they were doing and turned to look at the six mares in bewilderment as they were all looking around with various levels of concern… or lack thereof in Pinkie Pie's case.

"Hey mister," she shouted towards one of the nearest ponies, "Have you seen a tall human? Doesn't speak much, wears this orange suit thingy. We're playing hide and go seek and boy does he know how to hide!"

The stallion merely gave her a confused look as he slowly pointed a hoof towards the train station.

"Thanks," Pinkie chirped, and shot off in a blur.

"After her, girls!" Twilight exclaimed and the five of them hurried after their friend, while Spike stayed back, waiting for a reply from the princess.

<<>><<>><<>>

"That'll be twenty five bits, eh, sir?" The station's clerk said nervously, looking up at the tall creature standing before him.

"..."

Money, damn. Gordon knew he'd forgotten something. It had already been a pain in the backside trying to get the pony to understand where it was that he wanted to go; insistently pointing at the general direction on a map hanging on the wall behind the pony.

"Eh, sir?" The pony tried again.

Slowly Gordon turned around and moved away, his mind set on just following the tracks until he arrived wherever he was supposed to go.

"There he is!" Pinkie Pie cried out.

Gordon closed his eyes in resignation, trying to ignore the bouncing pony besides him as he jumped down the station's platform and started walking.

"Hey mister human who won't talk," Pinkie Pie said with exuberant enthusiasm, "You're really good at hiding, but I found you. Now it's my turn!" she declared, then grabbed Gordon by the shoulders. Before he could put up any form of protest, or even swat away the hooves holding him, Pinkie Pie spun him around with whirling speed, giggling all the while. "Now, try to find me!" she squealed, then shot off in a blur while Gordon stumbled on the spot, world spinning, barely able to stay upright.

"Oh, goodness," a meek voice said, and Gordon felt another pair of hooves get a hold of him; keeping him steady as he regained his sense of balance.

"Are you alright, mister? Pinkie Pie didn't mean it like that, she's just playful like that," Fluttershy said with a small smile, half her face hidden behind her long, pink mane.

"..."

Gordon shook his head in silence, blinking rapidly as the spinning started to slow until it stopped. He then realized Fluttershy was hovering before him at eye level, holding him by the shoulders.

"There, there. Do you feel better now?" she asked gently. Gordon found himself nodding his head without thought, though not understanding why. Fluttershy's smile, however, grew in size as she let go of him; then she patted him on the head before dropping down on the ground besides her friends.

Gordon stood there completely perplexed, unable to react in any way.

"Wow, that must have been the closest to an actual response from him we've got," Rainbow Dash remarked, "... Still not talking, though," she muttered under her breath.

Gordon shot her a flat stare.

"What were you even trying to do, running off alone like this?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah, you don't know anything about this world," Rainbow Dash interjected, "What were you planning on doing, huh?"

Gordon merely rolled his eyes, turned back around and continued walking.

If only they knew.

"Well, how rude," Rarity spoke up, "Here we try to help you and you just turn your back on us, and leave. Have you no manners?"

"..."

"Really, y’all," Applejack joined in, "Ah don't think this here fellow's nogging is workin’ all that right."

"Applejack, that is not very nice," Fluttershy protested, "He's lost and I'm sure he has a good reason why he doesn't talk to us."

"Oh yeah! And what reason could that be?" Rainbow Dash asked brashly, "He doesn't talk. At. All. Not a single sound. What reason could there be for that!?"

"I, uhmm. Well, maybe. No, uhmmm. He could, oh no, uhmm…" Fluttershy's head steadily lowered, hiding more of her face behind her mane as she failed to come up with a plausible explanation.

"Oh! Maybe his world has been taken over by mindless, flesh-eating zombies and he is one of a group of four survivors, who must work together to make it to the extraction zone in order to be saved!" Pinkie Pie shouted her thoughts as she appeared out of Applejack's stetson; sitting on the farm pony's head, yet doing so without causing any difficulties for the mare, as she didn't seem encumbered by the sudden increase of weight.

Applejack was just as surprised by this as the rest.

"What!?" Twilight said, unsure if she heard her friend right.

"Oh, wait. Wrong franchise," Pinkie Pie realized, slapping a hoof against her forehead.

"What!?" Twilight shouted again, louder, feeling something spark and sputter in her brain.

"Uhmm, girls," Fluttershy said, trying to squeeze in her thoughts.

"Pinkie Pie, in what universe does that make any sense at all?"

"Girls!" Fluttershy tried again.

Pinkie Pie took a deep breath,"Well..." she began her reply, which only increased the overall confusion her friends had as she presented one elaborate theory after the other.

"Really, everypony. Listen… If you want to, I mean…"

"What kind of valve are ya talkin’ ‘bout?" Applejack asked, scratching her head.

"You really should listen… please."

"Pinkie, dear. Who, or what is a Gabe Newell?" Rarity asked, not sure what to make of the strange name.

"Everypony?!"

"What's a Glados?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"It's really important."

"What has a spy to do with Flash Sentry?" said Twilight, completely confused.

"LISTEN!" Fluttershy cried, scaring her friends who all reared back in shock; making Pinkie Pie fall off Applejack's head, legs sticking up frozen in the air.

"Oh, uhmm, sorry," Fluttershy apologized, as she hid behind her mane once more.

"Fluttershy, dear. What in Celestia's name is wrong?" Rarity asked, concerned.

"Oh, nothing, really. Well, except that the human is gone," she pointed out and they all looked to see that she was right.

"Wait, when did that happened?" Rainbow Dash asked, looking around to find Gordon; eventually spotting him in the far distance, moving at a brisk pace.

"Fluttershy, why didn't you say something sooner?" Twilight asked, quickly hurrying after Gordon with a quick flap of her wings, not waiting for her friend's response; the rest of her friends soon following suit, save for the yellow pegasus.

Fluttershy, always the gentle soul, couldn't help, but feel peeved by that. And it showed as the faintest of faint frowns crossed her features, causing a nearby mare to gasp out as she noticed, quickly pulling her foal close to her.

"Huh? Oh! Sorry for pulling such a disturbing face," Fluttershy apologized, shocked by herself.

Quickly hiding her face again, she 'quickly' hurried after her friends with a gentle flap of her wings.

All the while, the mare looked at her, shaking her head disapprovingly.

<<>><<>><<>>

He could hear them come; hooves pounding on the ground behind him. In response, he somewhat quickened his pace.

He didn't understand why that non-human sent him here, nor did he particularly care about the motives that moved this twisted individual. What Gordon did care about was getting home as quick as possible and throw a wrench, or crowbar if his track record was anything to go by, to the engine that drove the Combine forces. Sticking with those ponies however, would not help him with that.

He was a man of results. Always had been.

He would get the task done. Either with a keyboard at hand, or with a weapon in it. Either by solving a trying mathematical equation, or bashing in the skulls of the Combine. Through whatever means, he would see it done quickly, efficiently and if luck would have it, with a large explosion… As long as he wasn't at the center of it.

Now though, as he found himself being surrounded by these slow-going, arguing ponies, he found his patience draining rapidly. There were more important things he needed to do, not play whatever game this was. Unfortunately, it would seem that his time with these ponies was not yet at an end, as the group of mares were quick to catch up with him.

Dang… Well, it's not like things could get worse, right?

… Yeah, he didn't believe that himself either.

"Hey, stop!" Rainbow Dash yelled at him, while easily catching up to the silent man.

Gordon did, in fact, not slow down.

"Fine, have it your way," Rainbow Dash grumbled and quickly matched his speed.

Hooking her legs under Gordon's arms, she easily lifted him off the ground; leaving him uselessly flailing his legs as Rainbow slowly circled back, a smug smirk plastered on her face.

Gordon struggled in an attempt to break free, but was met with little success as the pegasus took him back.

A shrill whistle rang out in the air, and Gordon took notice of the train departing from the station.

An idea quickly formed. He just needed to 'readjust' his current flight plan a bit and some measure of luck.

The luck part proved to be in his favor, as his carrier chose to stay near the tracks as she rejoined her friends. Even better, she slowed down as the train approached them at an accelerating pace; not too fast for what he planned on doing next.

With a sudden and unexpected pull and twist, Gordon managed to free one of his arms.

Rainbow Dash shouted in surprise, as the unexpected motion pulled her off course and she had to struggle a bit to stay level; moving slightly more towards the tracks.

This momentary lapse was all Gordon needed and he spun around, punching the blue pegasus in the gut.

As a result of equal parts pain and surprise over the unexpected attack, she lost her grip over Gordon. Acting quickly, he grabbed onto her leg and swung towards the approaching train, before she lost too much height.

He soared through the air for several seconds, arms and legs moving in a controlled flail to adjust his angle, then he crashed into the roof of the second passenger cart.

The ponies inside the cart all looked up at the ceiling in confusion as a loud crash was heard; followed by several more as Gordon tumbled over the roof for several heartbeats before he managed to get a hold of the roof.

His momentum came to a snapping stop and he mentally groaned, as his shoulder popped, but fortunately, didn't dislocate.

A quick check later, he found he had taken some minor fall damage, but his HEV suit had taken most of the blow and his health indicator had barely dropped.

Satisfied that things were finally moving in the direction he wanted; meaning whatever location it was that damned non-human wanted him to go to, Gordon relaxed slightly as he looked back, seeing the rapidly shrinking forms of the six ponies. Rainbow Dash could still faintly be heard swearing and yelling some very strong profanities at him, as she was held down by the same anti-gravity force he had seen being used earlier.

Gordon frowned.

In any other situation, he would have loved a chance to study this unusual ability in more detail. Being able to use anti-gravity like that would make for a very valuable asset. Right now though, he would even settle for the trusted bar of metal that had to be around there somewhere. Deep down, he knew exactly where it ended up. Redirecting his thoughts towards the current situation, he found himself looking at the steadily approaching horizon in front of him. He was about to find out just how much of his expectations were correct; and just how much of a dick that non-human really is.

<<>><<>><<>>

Several minutes, and a whole lot of angry swearing by Rainbow Dash later.

"-AND JUST YOU WAIT TILL I GET MY HOOVES ON YOU!" Rainbow Dash finally finished her tirade, blowing steam from her nose, then turned to look at her friends with anger still burning in her eyes. What she saw, however, gave her some pause.

Fluttershy lay cowering on the ground, covering her ears with her hooves.

Rarity looked at her with mouth open in disgust, eye twitching.

Applejack, apparently having wanted to cut off her rampage, stood frozen on the spot with her mouth open and a warning hoof raised at her; eyes wide and unblinking.

Twilight, as well, stood frozen on the spot. One part, for everything she'd just heard; the other, because Rainbow Dash had just proven she knew words with at least three syllables, and she didn't know if she should either be disgusted, or impressed.

Pinkie Pie gave a low, slow whistle after she spit out the pen she had in her mouth; reading back all she had written down with slow turning of the pages, which was everything Rainbow Dash had said.

"What!?" Rainbow balked, scoffing.

Her friends didn't answer, except Pinkie Pie, who prodded her friends one by one with a hoof.

"Gee, Dash. I think you broke them."

"No I didn't," Rainbow snapped harshly, turning around fast enough for her tail to swoosh, "But I will break that human when I get my hooves on him," and she jumped up in the air, fully intent on kicking Gordon's flank Sonic Rainboom style.

Her plan was thwarted, however, by Pinkie Pie; who quickly grabbed her by the tail and pulled her down.

"Hey, Pinkie. What gives!?" Rainbow Shouted, glaring at her friend.

"Oh, Dashie," Pinkie said nonchalantly, putting a leg around her friend, "You can't just chase after him like that."

"Oh yeah, why not?" Rainbow Dash shot back, challenging.

"Why, silly, that's not how the story is supposed to go."

"Whu-?" Was all Rainbow Dash managed to say, clearly having not expected that. And in the silence that followed, another quiet voice spoke up.

"I… I… Is it o-o-over?" Fluttershy squeaked, peeking with a single eye through the strands of her mane.

<<>><<>><<>>

The castle of Canterlot was a complete chaos.

Guards ran from room to room, checking everywhere. Ponies were interrogated and all non-essential personnel were told to return home, until further orders.

The reason? Princess Celestia had disappeared.

No pony even knew how it happened. She just was sitting on her throne one moment and, was gone the next. None of the guards present in the throne room at that time remembered her teleporting away; nor did they particularly remember simply standing at attention before it dawned on them that their princess was missing in the first place. When they did, however, a castle wide alert was issued.

Princess Luna was woken from her sleep, which did leave the unfortunate duo of guards to deal with a groggy, irritated alicorn, who punished them by the use of the Royal Canterlot Voice before she could be made aware of the situation.

Those ponies were quickly pulled out by some of the braver guards, (those who already had foals and made sure their line would continue,) and then were sent to the infirmary with some presumed hearing loss, and shaking legs.

Now though, half an hour into the search, no sign of the solar sovereign could be found; and the guards and Luna were faced with the very real possibility that Celestia was no longer within the castle. That just left the questions: How, who and why?

Luna knew her sister wouldn't just up and leave like this. No, she was known for her jokes every now and then. But not this.

No, it was obvious that there was some foul play involved. And those responsible would be found and punished. Severely.

"Search the city. Leave no stone unturned. Find our sister and those responsible for her disappearance. Bring them all to me!" she commanded with royal decree, but with anger and worry bubbling within.

She watched as the guards all hurried to carry out their orders, leaving her alone, with the exception of the two bat ponies belonging to her night guard.

"Your majesty," one of them, a middle aged mare with decades of experience under her leathery wings spoke up, "Who, or what could have done such a thing?"

"Not many," Luna replied, "Discord, for one. But I have no reason to believe he has done this, seeing the lack of any chaos magic; nor do I think he would break his promise to Miss Fluttershy. Tirek might be able to pull something like this off, but it is not like him to move in such ways. I myself am capable as well. In fact, when under the influence of Nightmare Moon, I did just the same. No, whoever it was who took my sister, he, or she is a being of extraordinary abilities and power."

Silence answered her and Luna frowned, having expected at least some kind of acknowledgement.

Turning to look at her guards, she found them standing frozen on the spot. Then the world started to grow cold and grey.

"Priiincessss Luunaa," a morosely toned earth pony slowly stepped out from behind her, "Such a pleasure… to… meet... you. And, might I say, an honor to meet the first pony to, heh, set hoof on… the… moon. Hmmm."

"What?" Luna shouted her surprise, trying to step away from the unknown pony, but finding herself unable to do so, "Who are you?" she demanded to know; then realization struck and she leered at the pony with building hatred. "You're the fiend responsible for my sister's disappearance!"

"An accurate accusation, Princessss. But of little use, to… you. Hmm. In fact, you should be more concerned about what it is I, ah, or more precisely, my employersss want from you."

Lightning suddenly flashed and Luna's eyes glowed a blinding white, as she glared all her rage at the unnatural pony, but unable to move, or actively use her magic.

"Mossst impressive," the pony commented, then levitated his briefcase up before him, opening it with a flick of his hooves; rummaging inside, "Now, ah, yes. You see... like your sister, you are in a posssition that might… complicate certain matters regarding certain delicate affairs. And, asss was the case with your sister, I am tasked to make sure you are oth-er-wise occ-u-pied. Ahh, there we are," he exclaimed, pulling a strange looking L shaped object out of his briefcase.

"Now, yes, you see. Finding a… sssuitable distraction… for… you proved more challenging than originally an-ti-ci-pated. But, if anything, I do enjoy a challenge. Now, here, you'll have need of this," he said, levitating the object to her.

Luna found she was suddenly able to move one of her legs. Not being able to do much more, she indulged with the pony's instructions… for now.

"What you have there, well, the monkeys that invented it call it a gun. You will find it mossst valuable to you. Just, be careful, Princessss Luna. Your new, heh, friends. Well, they may not be all that friendly. And, please be carefull. It would be a shame if you got bitten."

Luna didn't understand what this crazy pony was talking about, nor was she interested to find out who these friends he was talking about were. Yet she found herself completely frozen once more.

Then her world went dark and cold.

<<>><<>><<>>

A ghastly wind howled through the air and rain pelted against the windows as pale moonlight shone in through the cracked, and broken glass.

With a low groan, Luna slowly came to. Twitching slightly at first, then slowly moving her limbs as she regained control.

'Ugh… What happened?' she thought, rolling from her side to her belly. Two strange orbs pushed into her chest.

"What is that!?" she yelled, pushing herself back with force. She then saw her hooves in the pale light of the moon. Or… what had been her hooves.

"What are these!?" she cried out as she stared at the strange, flexible, five digit appendages which had replaced her hooves. Her legs too, had changed. No longer covered by midnight- blue fur, but almost completely bald, save for some very light fur still covering the transformed limbs. A quick inspection later, she found her entire body had changed as well. With the two orbs she felt pressing into her, being some strangely oversized teats, placed on her chest, for reasons unknown. And, worst of all. Her magic, no longer seemed to work.

"What did that fiend do to me!?" she yelled.

The light of the moon reflected off of something metallic and she then noticed this ‘gun’ thing, lying several steps away from her.

Not understanding anything of her current predicament and not wanting to deal with anything this charlatan forced onto her, she quickly ignored it; instead opting to try and stand up.

She soon found out this body she was now in, was bipedal, not quadruped. She was just glad nopony else was there to see her as she figured that out.

Stranger still, as she struggled to stand on two legs, she realized that not only was she lacking fur, she was also clothed in a tightly fitting, dark blue attire covering her upper body and half of her front legs, while a black, short-sleeved attire covered her hips and half of her hindlegs. A strange, brown colored belt hung loosely around her hips, with what appeared to be a pocket for the gun, allowing one to easily store it, but quickly retrieve it for reasons Luna didn't understand.

Suddenly, she heard shouting in the distance, but growing louder and louder terrifyingly quickly.

With a 'BANG', the door of the building she was in was slammed open and four creatures resembling herself rushed in.

They were all yelling, their voices clearly filled with fear and panic, as they looked back through the door. It also seemed that they were all carrying all manners of metallic objects, some of which Luna recognized as more of these so-called guns.

Loud, thunderous cracks, joined by blinding flashes in the dark spewed from these guns and objects she realized were of similar nature. Fear gripped at her as she tried to figure out the full intended use of these things. Not to mention, what it was they were being used on.

The answer, horribly enough, came soon after as several more of these strange creatures came dashing. Only, these creatures were bleeding all over and looked as if they had been dead for several weeks; they also screamed with horribly mangled voices.

"Die! Die! Die!" one of the original four creatures roared. A stallion, Luna realized.

A loud, cannon-like boom blasted out of the long, double tube he held in his abnormal hooves, and the head of one of the ravaging creatures blew up in a fountain of blood, brain and pieces of skull.

Luna almost threw up.

"There's more of them!" A mare cried out, aiming a large weapon (as Luna now realized what these objects truly were) towards an oncoming horde, then pulled the trigger.

A cacophony of deafening explosions, flashes, and falling cases of metal dropping on the ground was what followed, causing the rampaging crowd to drop one by one.

"Close the door!" Another stallion ordered and they were quick to carry it out. Slamming the broken door shut and barricading it with whatever they could find.

"You think it will hold?" one of them asked.

"Not for long," another answered, "Let's get out of here while it does.

It was then they noticed Luna.

Their weapons snapped up in the blink of an eye, leaving Luna standing frozen and terrified on the spot.

"Umm… I come in peace?" she offered lamely, eyeing the still smoking barrels of their weapons with fear.

Author's Note

Ah, so we meet again.

By now, I believe that I have gained your curiosity and intrigue, and that a new chapter continuing this story is much awaited. Alas, dear reader, it shall not be for a little while longer. Although, I must admit, I was taken by surprise by the overwhelming positive feedback, chapter three is still only a mere concept in my imagination. My attention is required elsewhere first, and this story must wait for me to free up some time in my agenda. Although, you shouldn't worry. I fully intent to deliver, and by no means shall this fic go down the path as the game by which it was inspired. Chapter three shall come, but not today nor tomorrow. But until then, you must find enjoyment with what I, as well as my team of driven editors have presented you with today.

Now, please, share your thoughts and ideas. Inform me about ant mistakes that slipped through the cracks. Leave a comment telling me what it was that made you laugh, frown, or come to a life altering realization upon reading the words displayed on your screen. Anything goes.

So, for today I will bid you adieu, and until the next time we shall meet.

~Powerdrainer.

3

This chapter is edited by Halusm, Clawder, Clayton the Hunter, and Slayerseba.

3

One can hope, right?

<<>><<>><<>>

The train slowed down for an upcoming turn in the tracks and, Gordon, up until now having made himself as comfortable as he could, shifted his position; preparing to jump off as the train would no longer head in the right direction for as far as he could see, following the tracks until they vanished past the horizon.

Frowning, he scanned the rapidly approaching terrain around the bend, looking for anything that could be used to cushion the blow; spotting, to his moderate appreciation, several tightly clustered bushes amidst numerous trees.

It would still hurt and most likely leave some scratches on his suit, and probably his face as well; the only part of him not protected.

Still, not one to sit back and allow someone other than himself dictate where he should go, he prepared himself to jump; frowning for a moment in irritation over the poor irony as, at this very moment, he was going exactly where someone else told him to go to.

It was a leash put on him without his consent, pulling him this way, or that whenever those holding it saw fit.

Shaking his head, he forced those thoughts to the back of his mind. Right now, he had to put all his focus on making the jump. If he jumped too soon, he would miss his mark and break who knows which and how many bones. Too late, the same result. And not feeling like breaking anything at the moment, he narrowed his eyes and mentally counted back from five.

At one, he sprung up and leaped off the carriage's roof, and soared through the air like an aerodynamic bulldozer.

His mark was off, but only just. With a crash and a silent wheeze and audible alarm
of his suit, he landed partially in the foliage.

"Minor fracture detected." his suit’s simple health monitoring system's AI informed him. Fortunately, only able to detect physical damage; otherwise it would have informed Gordon of the severe trauma to his pride and told him to seek immediate medical attention.

Groaning in thought, Gordon pushed himself up, lumbering out of the bushes with a slight limp.

Clutching his right shoulder, he carefully rolled it until he heard several pops and cracks. Exhaling loudly, Gordon released his shoulder as the knot he felt earlier came undone and he rolled his shoulder one more time; flexing his right hand while he did.

A quick inspection later, Gordon nodded to himself as there was little else damage other than a small fracture in one of his ribs, according to his suit. Not an injury that would slow him down.

Satisfied, he had a firm grasp on his overall condition and glad that, all things considered, he came through the ordeal with barely a scratch. Gordon looked around for any recognizable landmarks he remembered from the map and went on his way.

<<>><<>><<>>

Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Applejack were all sitting in the gently rocking carriage of the train, following after the human who had left them in such a spectacular fashion that Rainbow Dash was still quietly swearing; arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

Not having received a reply from the princesses and understanding the urgency of the map calling them out to go to the same place the silent human had gone off to, Twilight and her friends made the decision to follow after the human as soon as possible; leaving Spike behind, mainly because the author couldn't really come up with a proper role for the young drake and he would only get in the way at this point.

"Ah still think it's strange," Applejack commented, "The princesses not responding, Ah mean."

"Well, I'm sure princess Celestia and Princess Luna are otherwise engaged, and simply haven't found the time to answer Twilight's letter," Rarity remarked, looking at her reflection in the window to see if her mane was still proper.

"Ah dunno," Applejack argued, "This human fella poppin’ up outta thin air seems like somethin’ they woulda reacted to as soon as they've heard about it."

"Don't worry, Applejack," Twilight replied with a reassuring smile. "I'm sure the princesses have a good reason for not responding to my letter."

"They do govern all of Equestria," Rarity chimed in. "One would say this is a rather time consuming job."

"Oh, it is," Twilight nodded her agreement. "Which is also why, as a princess myself, I must make decisions by my own and not add to their burden. Besides, as surprising as a human appearing out of thin air might be, we can all agree this is not the strangest thing that has happened to us, or Equestria as a whole."

"True," Applejack and Rarity agreed.

"Well, I still don't like it. Not one bit," Rainbow Dash scowled.

"Oh, Dashie... are you still grumpy over what that human did to you?" Pinkie Pie asked, pulling her friend in a spine crushing hug.

"Pin-gah-kie," Rainbow wheezed and gasped.

"Shhh," Pinkie hushed softly, petting Rainbow's mane, "Just let it out. Let it aaaall out."

"Pinkie," Rainbow Dash grunted, forcefully pushing the pink mare away from her, "let go!"

"No!" Pinkie replied firmly, tightening her hold. "Not until you stop being such a Grumpy Mcgrump face."

Looking pleadingly at her friends for help, Rainbow Dash was only mildly surprised to see them grin and snicker to themselves. This, of course, didn't stop her from muttering an annoyed: "Traitors."

"Well, it's not like we're to blame," Applejack said with a hearty laugh. "Ya know how Pinkie gets when somepony frowns for longer than thirty seconds."

"Yes," Rarity agreed, "And you have been at it for considerably longer than thirty seconds."

"Oh. Come. On!" Rainbow groaned, making another attempt to free herself. Pinkie Pie, however, proved to be an unmovable force and soon Rainbow gave up with a defeated sigh, her forelegs hanging limply as she just let it happen. "This is the worst," she murmured.

"Oh, it isn't that bad. I'm sure Pinkie Pie will let go of you in no time at all," Fluttershy spoke up, smiling kindly at her friend.

"Twilight!" Rainbow Dash turned her attention to the alicorn, "Can't you do something!? Use your magic! Make it a royal decree. Something! Just get Pinkie off of me."

Chuckling, Twilight shook her head. "Sorry, Rainbow. There is a limit to what even I can do."

"But you're an alicorn now!" Rainbow argued desperately.

"And Pinkie Pie is Pinkie Pie," Twilight replied calmly. "I rest my case."

Face shifting through several emotive expressions, Rainbow eventually had to admit defeat. "This is the worst."

"There, there, Dashie," Pinkie Pie patted her friend on the back, "It's going to be juuuust fine."

Rainbow Dash groaned, loudly, as the train rocked on; passing the point where, unbeknownst to the mares, the silent human had jumped into some of the bushes growing near the tracks.

<<>><<>><<>>

Discord, the ever busy draconequus, was hard at work mowing Fluttershy's lawn with a golf club, the head of which was that of a certain white bunny, whose body was hopping around with an iron eight for a head, while he himself wore the unmistakable attire of a surgeon ready to operate; vinyl scrubs and all.

Humming an out of tune melody to himself, he shook his behind to a beat only he could hear… for the time being.

Sighing out after a job well done, he leaned back using the club for support, wiping sweat onto his brow as he observed his hard work, obviously ignoring the angry muttering coming from near his feet; all the while applying just a bit more pressure on the club to muffle the sound, and removed the wheat stalk which hung loosely from the corner of his mouth.

At that same time, Bic Mac stood frozen, perplexed as he tried to figure out where that like pepper tasting carrot in his mouth had suddenly come from.

… Wait, pepper?

One loud yell of somepony burning his mouth rang out over Sweet Apple Acres later...

"Aahhh," Discord sighed contently, "Nothing like a good day of hard work out in the field. The sun, a nice breeze, beavers flying in flocks and the deer swimming upstream to migrate... Truly a wonderful, unremarkable day," he hummed to himself, watching as a flock of said rodents flew over; wildly flapping their tails while using their paws to steer and stabilize themselves.

A loud splashing drew Discord's attention to the riverbank on which he saw one of the deer, splashing and flailing as it had washed up.

"Oh my," Discord said, shocked, "This will not do. We can't have Fluttershy think I treated her animals poorly." And with a snap of his talon, the deer vanished, only to reappear in the middle of the river.

Not wasting a single second, the misplaced animal dove down, only to jump up and arc through the air like a dolphin a moment later.

"Yes, yes. You're welcome," Discord waved the deer off, "Go on, shoo."

Chirping like a hummingbird, the deer swam off, rejoining the rest of his herd as they swam upstream.

Discord smiled contently, with a slight hint of manic delight mixed in as he watched the deer go, following it for a moment until his eyes locked onto someone standing on the opposite side of the small river.

"Oh, it's you," Discord said, displeased, his good mood gone. "Although I can't say I'm surprised. I caught your scent the moment the first of those 'disturbances' appeared."

"Discord, as observant asss always... I see," the imposter equine said, standing next to the draconequus in the blink of an eye.

"I see those speech lesson I suggested really payed off," he snorted, looking at his lion paw with a great deal more interest than the fake pony.

"So, what are you here for this time? Another attempt to tie me to one of these 'contracts' of yours?"

"Not this time. No, my presssence here today is related to a new ploy in my em-ploy-ers plan. One in which you… do… not partake in. At least, ah, not… directly."

Discord, busy with picking something out from between his teeth, froze mid motion, eyes narrowing as he leered at the formally dressed not pony.

"And what does that mean?" he demanded to know.

"Oh, not much, I assure you. Just, one of our newest em-ploy-ees is being put to… the… test. Nothing too… serious, this time. No. You see, my employers are rather… busy. Always plotting and planning, which is a rather, ah, draining affair. And even… they are in… need… of somekind of en-ter-tain-ment… from time to time."

"Entertainment?" Discord repeated, eyes narrowing.

"Exactly," the imposter equine nodded slowly and stiffly. "And although a simple… deviation of made plans, it does require… me to set… the… stage. Make sure the players are on the board… or off it."

"I see," Discord said, bored, rubbing a shine on his talon against his chest. "And now you need me to 'disappear' as well, to make sure that I wouldn't interfere with whatever boring plan of yours is going on."

"This would be… prefered. However, unlike certain… individualsss, you aren't someone I can easily pluck.. from.. this.. world. We both know where that led to the last time this wasss attempted."

"It might ring a bell," Discord said nonchalantly, as the bell of Ponyville's school ringing ahead of schedule; leaving a thoroughly confused Cheerilee as all the colts and fillies ran out of their class cheering. "But even then, I don't see why I shouldn't get myself involved. After all, you don't want me to disturb whatever little plan you've concocted. And I clearly remember saying that I wouldn't play along like some pet."

"I see," the imposter pony said without emotion, "And there is ab-so-lut-ely nothing I can do to change your, ah, mind? Oh, well. I see," he said all business like, moving away from Discord, "I suppose I should Inform my… employers."

"Yes you do-" Discord waved him off, only to fall silent, eyes narrowing. "Hold on, just like that? No threats, or bending reality, or anything else to change my mind?"

"Would that have… helped?"

Eyes narrowing further, Discord popped out of existence, only to reappear in front of the imposter equine. "Now hold on. I see what's going on here. You're using reverse psychology on me. Saying one thing to make me do the opposite."

"Asss… observant as always, I see."

"Well, it won't work," Discord huffed annoyed, crossing his arms. "As I said, I'm not one of your puppets to do whatever it is you want. And if you want me to do the opposite of what you just said, you can bet that fake pony behind of yours that I will not play ball."

"I think… that you're looking into this a bit too much."

"Oh, that's what you want me to think. Don't play dumb, I'm onto you," Discord sneered, his single fang glinting menacingly. "You say you don't want me here, because you know that is exactly what I will do. Well, guess what. This little plan of yours is not going to work."

With a snap of his talons, a swirling portal opened behind Discord, while he himself suddenly wore a red and blue suit of Mjolnir mark seven power armor as the lively image of a boxed canyon revealed itself in the passage through reality.

Turning to the reader, Discord chuckled. "What, confused? By now you should know I embody chaos and disharmony. So there is no reason for me to stick with the same franchise, or anything affiliated with it."

Turning back to the fake pony, he leered through his golden reflective visor before jumping through, shouldering his ketchup firing BR55 battle rifle while carrying a M6D pistol on the hip.

The portal closed, leaving behind the faux pony who adjusted his tie, showing a small but cocky smirk.

"Too… easy"

<<>><<>><<>>

Gordon stood atop a hill, looking down on the small, bland village; all buildings identical and somber in design. Nothing like the overly bright, mind bogglingly designed village he had ended up in thanks to Kleiner's teleporter.

In truth, the bleak appearance strangely reminded him of the somber, depressing City 17 he found himself in when his humanoid acquaintance had dropped him off within that mostly empty train; already pulling into the station and ready to offload its passengers for processing by the Combine oppressors, and those who followed them.

And speaking of trains and being followed, the long, tell-tale screech from the grinding of metal on metal drew Gordon's attention to a not too distant train station as an eerily familiar train slowed down to off load its passengers.

Gordon stood frozen, mulling over this fact, wondering how he had missed the not too subtle building in the first place during his walk to the village and almost groaning in irritation upon realizing he could just have stayed on the train instead of jumping, and upon spotting the now familiar colors of six equines he didn't feel like interacting with right now. Especially the overly brightly colored rainbow maned pegasus whom he knew would be less than happy to see him.

Yet where he completely missed the train station the first time, the group of mares didn't have any problem finding him at first glance. Or, more specifically, a loudmouth pegasus who shot towards him in a blur and slammed into his chest with concussive force found him.

"High impact reactive armor activated."
"Major fracture detected."
"Automatic medical systems engaged."
"Morphine administered."

Well, it looks like they are going to 'work' together after all.

Author's Note

And thus, we return.

Now, I can hear you think, dear reader. Why such a meager chapter? Well, there are several reasons. First and foremost, the chapter ended so well as it did, I couldn't find a way to include more content without it feeling forced. Of course, there was also the issue of needing to rewrite the scene about yours truly, Discord. Originally, I set to work, and the words just flowed from my hands, giving shape to a scene I both enjoyed and liked. However, due to the drastic turn towards a more darker tone of story telling, I couldn't include it as it would require an complete change of what is still to come.

Naturally, I didn't just delete my hard work, so should you wish to see what couldn't have been, you merely need to ask.

Also, may I ask of you to inform me about any and all mistakes my hard working editors have missed. This would be greatly appreciated.

And, I tell you. There is no hidden message to be found, just underneath the chapter's title, which one can copy and past in the comment box to read.

Unexpected Discovery

Edited by Slayerseba, Clayton the Hunter, and Halusm.

Unexpected Discovery

<<>><<>><<>>

Gordon groaned, actually groaned which surprised him as much as the ponies now surrounding him. Still, that was about the full extent as far as his audible response to the full body tackle he received was. His HEV suit, however, did flash a warning along with the recommendation to seek medical assistance.

He was, however, unable to acknowledge the recommendations his suit gave him as, still pressing down on him was the cyan pegasus he'd punched in the gut two chapters ago; doing her best to glare him to death.

"Now hold on a moment," the pony Gordon remembered being called Applejack said, taking a step back in surprise. "Did that suit of this fella jus' talk?"

"Who cares?" Rainbow Dash growled, pushing down on Gordon with a bit more weight.

Gordon, understandably taking objection against this treatment, even though he did deserve part of it, shifted his body enough to upset the balance of the angry pegasus and pushed her off of him.

"Oh no you don't!" Rainbow Dash yelled, quickly catching herself. However, before she could pounce on the infuriating human, a purple glow held her in place.

"Twilight, what gives?!" She shouted at her scholar friend.

"Rainbow Dash. I think you've made your point," Twilight said disapprovingly. "He hit you, and you did the same back to him. And that's the end of this. Instead, we should find out why the map sent us here, and the human as well."

"I'm not going to work together with that guy," Rainbow Dash said defiantly, crossing her arms.

"Well, regardless it seems we are in this together," Rarity chimed in, giving her friend and Gordon a critical eye. "And although we don't know the reason behind our guest visiting, might I suggest you two keep nice. Or else Pinkie Pie might seem it fit to take care of you."

Rainbow Dash visibly shivered at that. Gordon, however, didn't understand the threat implied with this warning. One glance at the pink mare however, made him understand perfectly.

The manic glint in her eyes. The just a bit too large, somewhat forced smile splitting her face. Even her mane seemed to lose a bit of its vigor, darkening several tints. But when he blinked all of this had vanished as Pinkie Pie had snuck up behind Rainbow Dash, grabbing her in a hug; although to Gordon it seemed more like a choke hold while Pinkie Pie used her hooves to pull Rainbow Dash's mouth into a smile.

"Come on, Dashie. Smile smile smile."

Gordon, too, did shiver. And as his eyes locked with those of Rainbow Dash, they both gave a single nod of agreement.

"Well, I'm glad that is taken care of," Twilight breathed a sigh of relief, releasing her magical hold over her friend.

"Now hold on," Applejack stepped up. "Am Ah the only one here who thinks it strange his suit talks?"

All eyes first turned to her as she said that, then shifted to the human who was in the middle of pushing himself back up to his feet.

Gordon, having just righted himself suddenly felt himself watched and, looking around, he gave the staring mares a level gaze of his own.

Not getting any answers from either side, and not feeling like wasting any more time than he already had, Gordon took a moment to inspect his health monitor; frowning as it showed his physical condition had dropped to seventy three percent.

Regardless of how he felt about the prismatic mare, he had to admit, she knew how to throw a punch.

Looking back up, he was only mildly surprised to see the ponies still stare at him in wonder and confusion… and the heated glare of Rainbow Dash, regardless of their silent agreement a moment ago.

Sensing this wasn't going anywhere, Gordon took the initiative and stepped out of the group, moving towards the depressing looking village with a brisk pace; slightly shaking his head in frustration as he heard the ponies follow him soon after.

Although it wasn't unusual for him to work together in pairs or groups (his work almost always demanded as much), Gordon was almost always the one getting his hands dirty with the more laborious tasks while his colleagues stayed back to maintain a containment field, drink their coffee, or, you know, open a portal to some alien world, only for it to blow up in all of their faces.

It was a well executed division of labour as far as he was concerned. The ponies now surrounding him once more, however, did not fit into this model. And although one to improvise, especially since Black Mesa, he would be lying to himself by saying these ponies weren't taxing.

Still, this was the hand he was dealt so he would have to make the most of it.

As they moved for the village Gordon quickly spotted the locals going about their business thanks to his height advantage. Yet as he watched them, he noticed something was… off.

Apparently he wasn't the only one thinking so, for as soon as Pinkie Pie saw the ponies herself, she stopped dead in her tracks, eyes narrowing and a deep frown creasing her forehead.

"Everypony, stop!" she commanded, and with both speed and stretching of her limbs Gordon knew defied reality, she pulled everyone behind a large boulder; she climbing on top of it and pressing herself flat against the surface to leer towards the village while Twilight, Rarity and Applejack pulled themselves up besides her; Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy flying up and above them while Gordon stood frozen several steps behind, wondering whether or not his eyes had deceived him.

"Pinkie Pie, what in Equestria are you doing now?" Twilight asked, looking at her pink friend while Pinkie seemed more focused on the ponies mulling about in the village.

"Look!" pinkie Pie instructed.

"Wait, this is where the map sent us?" Rainbow Dash asked, displeased. "Looks like the most boring place in Equestria."

"It's just an ordinary village with ordinary pony folk," commented Applejack.

"It could certainly use a few more architectural flourishes," Rarity remarked as she looked at the bland town. "Or any architectural flourishes."

"I think it is lovely," Fluttershy said happily.

"I don't like it. I don't like it one bit!" Pinkie Pie said bitterly, frowning. "I know smiles. And those smiles,"— she stared at the ponies in the distance, focusing her friends and Gordon's attention to the now noticeably forced smiles all ponies showed— "They're just not right."

Gordon looked at the pink mare, then back at the village, realizing he found himself agreeing with her.

"Forget the smiles," Twilight piped up. "Look at their Cutie Marks."

Upon her words everyone then focused on the marks displayed on the ponies their flanks, except for Gordon who didn't know what the heck a Cutie Mark was. However, following their gazes, he soon realized they were talking about the images portrayed on their hindquarters. Upon realizing this, he then questioned why such a thing was of such importance to them. And, even more important, why was he staring at pony butts for such an extended duration of time?

Realizing this, he quickly turned his attention back to the mares near him; this time studying the various marks they had, and coming to the conclusion that each was vastly different to the other. Not like those of the ponies in town, which were all identical. Could this be the source of their shock and worry?

"Okay, that's weird," said Rainbow Dash, and Gordon's hypothesis seemed to be confirmed. Now, if only he knew what to do with this information.

Shaking his head, he decided not to waste any more time and pushed forwards to the village; taking the mares by surprise as he strode past them.

"Wait, where are you going?" Twilight called out, using her magic to hold him in place.

Hearing his radiation meter click in immediate response, Gordon turned around to look at the mare and simply pointed a finger towards the village. Then, without a word, he pulled himself out of the strange energetic, potentially hazardous glow; noting a resisting pull as he did so.

Perhaps if the purple mare had used more force, he surmised, he wouldn't have been able to free himself. This was an interesting development. Not only was this creature capable of generating her own anti-gravity field, but she was also capable of using this energy as some kind of containment field.

If only he had access to his lab equipment…

Shaking his head, Gordon continued moving.

Hesitating for a bit, eventually the mares followed one by one; Pinkie Pie being the last, muttering a final ominous warning: "Those smiles are bad news."

As they approached the town's ponies all looked up at Gordon with surprise, yet their unusual smiles held strong as they all greeted the mares as they followed close behind.

"Welcome."

"Welcome."

"Welcome."

"Welcome."

"Welcome."

They all said with the same tone of voice.

"This must be the most pleasant place in Equestria," Fluttershy remarked as she looked around with a smile of her own.

"Welcome," a greyish blue pegasus with white and grey mane greeted as she approached Fluttershy, causing the mare to giggle.

Rainbow Dash groaned, placing a hoof on her forehead from the building headache. "Thanks a lot, map," she said, annoyed.

"Welcome," a light grey stallion greeted as he approached the group, then he turned to Twilight. "Pardon my forwardness, but are you an alicorn?"

Not sure how to reply, Twilight merely gave a large, kinda sheepish smile.

"That there is tha Princess of Friendship," said Applejack, introducing her friend who continued to smile.

"Well, you've certainly come to the right place for friendship," the stallion said, the noticeable undertone he used causing Gordon to raise an eyebrow, yet the mares either ignored it or didn't catch on the tone of voice.

Frowning, Gordon contemplated both options. If they didn't catch on to such an obvious suggestion, either they were surprisingly innocent or slow to catch up. However, considering some other facts, Gordon quickly shot down this possibility. Which also left the other possibility. They simply ignored it. But why?

The realisation both shocked Gordon and surprised him he hadn't noticed such an obvious fact. The ponies, all of them were, safe from the odd piece of clothing, completely nude.

This realization, not to mention all connected implications to this fact made him shiver in his HEV suit.

Why of all places did that inhuman ass send him to a world of sapient nudists. Fur be damned, don't these ponies have some decency?

"What brings you to town?" Another stallion asked, his fur snow white, oblivious to the human's sudden discomfort.

"We’re...not entirely sure," Twilight answered honestly.

"I see. Well, all are welcome in our little village," the stallion replied, and the first stallion stepped aside, only to move closer to Rarity, beaming a large smile at her to the point where she visibly became uncomfortable. "My name is Double Diamond. And this is—" he turned to introduce the stallion who first approached the group "—Party favor."

"Hello, Double Diamond. Ah'm Applejack, and this here is Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle—" she introduced her friends one by one, then her hoof pointed at Gordon "—and he's… well, Ah'm not entirely sure. He's a human, but we don't know his name. The fella doesn't talk all that much."

Gordon cocked his head when the mare mentioned him, looking down on the stallion with level gaze.

"And you all have your unique Cutie Marks," Double Diamond noted as he took a closer look, almost pressing his muzzle against the mare's flanks.

Again, Gordon felt a strong sense of uncomfortableness. Back where he's come from, he'd be punched in the face if he did something like that. Although, it would seem that this was also a step too far for the mares, as they all glanced nervously at each other while Pinkie Pie covered her mark with her tail.

"If you don't mind. Has there been any sort of… trouble here lately?" Twilight asked.

"Trouble?" Double Diamond repeated. "Why I don't think we ever had trouble in our little village," he told them, beaming another far too large smile.

"It's true, you'll see," Party Favor confirmed with a pleased hum

"Perhaps you'd care to speak with our founder, Starlight Glimmer?" Double Diamond suggests, leading the mares and Gordon into town.

"I wish all ponies in Equestria were as friendly as these ponies are," said Fluttershy.

"I've got my eye on them!" Pinkie Pie stated, looking behind her to see several of the smiling ponies following them. "Something is rotten in… whatever the name of this village is we're in right now?"

Party Favor and Double Diamond led the group towards the building at the far end of town, stopping before the closed door and both knocking, almost in tandem, then stepped inside.

"Starlight, we have some new visitors," Double Diamond exclaimed.

Each taking a spot to the side of the door they'd just entered, Double Diamond and Party Favor smiled broadly as the group of mares and Gordon (the latter having to bend down so he wouldn't knock his head on the door frame) stepped inside in what seemed to be an empty room. Its decor as bland as possible, with faded green, slightly worn curtains hanging in front of the windows. A light brown, and clearly old rug on the floor. A bookcase stood on the side, with only one shelf partially filled with reading materials, while dinner plates and a mug were placed on the shelf below. On the opposite side of the wall stood a lone bench, with a slightly tilted picture frame hanging on the wall above; the image inside displaying the very same mark also seen on the rump of all the ponies in town. An equalisation mark.

Stepping inside, the mares all looked around with various levels of expectancy and curiosity.

"Be ready to fight!" Rainbow Dash told Applejack. "We don't know what's going to come through that door." She pointed out as she looked at the one closed door besides a staircase leading up.

No sooner had she said that, and the door smoothly swung open and a happy looking mare with pink coat, purple and teal mane and tail stepped out. "Welcome," she said. "I'm so pleased to have you here… oh?" she faltered as she saw the large biped, craning her neck to look up at Gordon.

"This is Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, some creature who apparently doesn't talk," Double Diamond introduced the group, pointing at each individual as he did. "And Twilight Sparkle."

Her attention brought to the purple mare in the room, Starlight stepped closer to give Twilight a closer, almost scrutinizing look.

Twilight, in turn, gave a sheepish smile as she slightly rustled her wings.

"Forgive my bluntness, but I'm assuming it is Princess Twilight Sparkle? We don't get many alicorns around here."

"Yes, but Twilight is fine," Twilight told her, still smiling sheepishly.

"So, how did you hear of our little village?" Starlight asked, pressing in closer to Twilight while sporting a smile bordering on the creepy side.

"It's kind of a long story," said Twilight, slightly backing off. "Let's just say we found it on a map."

"Technically," Pinkie Pie piped up, popping up from the side while showing her trademark smile. "It's a tree-chest-castle map," only for her frown to return as she remembered there was something wrong with this town, and she slowly slid away to the background with a frown while leering towards Starlight.

"Well, however you found us. We're happy to have you," Starlight told them. "We're happy to have anypony who wants to experience true friendship for the first time."

"Say, whaat?" Applejack deadpanned while, at the same time, Gordon's eyes narrowed; looking down at Starlight, unable to miss the emphasis when she said pony. Something itched in the back of his mind. A strange and wrong familiarity he couldn't quite place, yet there was a small voice that told him to be on edge.

"Oh, indeed. That's what so unique about our village, you see," Starlight said, moving for the picture frame on the wall and pushed it back in proper place. "Around here we don't flaunt our special talents, because we don't have any special talents to flaunt."

"Is that why you all have those Cutie Marks?" Twilight asked, slightly alarmed as she pointed at the mark on Starlight's flank.

"Perhaps it would be easier to understand if I gave you a tour of the village," Starlight suggested with enthusiasm.

The next second, music began to play, and Gordon looked around in shock as Starlight marched outside, rallying all the ponies in town. And all he could do was watch in absolute confusion as the town suddenly began to sing, noticeably making several of his group uncomfortable, while Fluttershy seemed to enjoy herself; bobbing her head side to side to the music. And at the end of this rather strange, not to mention uncomfortable musical intermezzo, it also became abundantly clear to him this whole Cutie Mark business was rather important.

Rainbow Dash began to laugh, loudly. "You're kidding, right?" she asked, wiping away a tear before pointing at her own mark. "Give up our Cutie Marks? No way!"

"Rainbow Dash, don't be so rude, "Fluttershy told her. "I don't think we should judge them. They all seem perfectly happy with their choice."

"Don't believe their smiles, Fluttershy," Pinkie Pie cut in, taking the mare by surprise as she leered first at the yellow pegasus, then the strange smiling ponies.

"I'm sorry," Twilight stepped up. "I guess we're all just a little confused by all of this."

Gordon found himself agreeing with this as, with an ever growing headache, he found himself very, very confused with the strange, often frustrating creatures of this world. Deciding he didn't want to waste any more time with whatever show they were performing, he quickly scanned his surroundings, and spotting an interesting looking cave a small distance away. Well, interesting compared with the show and dance routine which he just witnessed. So, while the entire town was still preoccupied with Twilight and her friends, he quietly snuck off.

It took him almost fifteen minutes, walking at a modest pace, but eventually Gordon left the idiocracy of the village behind him completely as he stepped inside the cave; staring with widened eyes at what he found almost immediately.

Glowing brightly with light blue light, a laser like security grid was built into a slight but tall alcove; locked in behind it were numerous and all uniquely shaped marks, all levitating and slightly bobbing in place. And before it, levitating in a vertical stance above a stone pedestal Gordon saw the one thing he wouldn't have expected to show up here.

His crowbar.

"Well, well, well. And what have we here?" Starlight snarled, and Gordon slowly turned around, staring down at the pony.

"It looks like we have another disrupting element in Our Town," and with a burst of her horn, the crowbar flew towards her.

Author's Note

Aah, I see you've returned. Most wonderful. Please, do stay a little longer. I'd like to hear your thoughts about this recent work of mine. Perhaps you wish to discuss certain matters regarding a mistake or two you managed to find? All is welcome. So, go grab your pen, or keyboard, and leave a comment below. I'll eagerly await your correspondence.

Where Is My Fainting Couch?

Edited by Halusm and Clawder.

Where Is My Fainting Couch?

<<>><<>><<>>

With a slam, the door closed behind Gordon, and he now found himself trapped in a barred room, joined by the mares he first encountered in this insane world.

"So, what're you in for?" Asked Pinkie Pie.

Gordon, naturally, didn't answer.

A ceiling mounted P.A. system gave a harsh screech, making everyone flinch from the sound. Then, in a monotone voice, they were told Cutie Marks were the source of conflict. That true equality could only be achieved by giving up their marks, and other general propaganda Gordon was all too familiar with. His brief visit to City 17 still fresh in mind.

Frowning, he silently glared at the P.A. system, trying to will it to silence. Though, as he silently observed the rapidly infuriating announcement system, he also thought back just how he'd ended up in here.

When confronted by Starlight back in the cave, he'd attempted to retrieve his crowbar; wary of the protrusion on the mare's head, fully aware what could be done with this appendage. Or so he thought.

He'd experienced the anti gravity and containment abilities demonstrated by Twilight, and had prepared himself for similar traits with this cult leading pony who reminded him more and more of Wallace Breen with her behaviour. What he wasn't expecting, and thus unprepared for, was her ability of direct matter transportation. A feat his science department attempted at back at Black Mesa, only to have everything blow up in their faces… catastrophically. Not to mention, how he ended up in this world… catastrophically. Yet there it was, performed right before him by a pony using a horn growing from her forehead.

She teleported behind him, taking him by surprise, and hit him on the head with his own crowbar; knocking him out.

Now, after waking up after an undetermined amount of time; though, considering the angle of the sun he could see through the barred window, it couldn't have been too long, he found himself in the very room he was now in with Starlight standing behind him with a smug smirk.

She'd given them one of those cliche choices he'd immediately associated with power hungry individuals of the worst kind. Either they accepted their way of life, meaning her way, and give up whatever life they'd left behind; or stay in this room forever. Then she left, slamming the door closed behind her. Though, seeing how she'd only addressed the ponies in the room, Gordon was convinced his set of choices were limited to only the latter.

Of course, miss high and mighty did make one mistake. Gordon was a respected scientist with years of experience. And looking up, he still stared at the P.A. system. Technology.

A small grin snaked its way onto his lips.

"What's that guy grinning about?" Rainbow Dash snarked, sitting slumped in a corner, arms crossed and scowl set on brooding.

"He has been staring at that dreadful announcement system since Starlight left," Rarity said, and Gordon finally decided to take note of the ponies in the room. This forced him to pause, blinking several times in confusion.

The ponies all looked duller, somehow. Their coats several shades darker, and grayer, while their flank orientated marks were replaced by the same equalisation mark he saw on all the other ponies. He had to admit to himself, now he was curious as to what had happened in the time he'd left.

"Well, he has been hit on the head. Maybe he's not feeling too well?" Fluttershy quietly spoke up, and Gordon turned to face the timid mare who quickly shied away behind her mane when he looked at her.

With one eyebrow raised in confusion, he looked back at Twilight, taking notice she was quietly watching him.

"I take it you found something you shouldn't?" She asked, to which Gordon replied with a single, slow nod. This did almost shock the purple mare, as it was just about the most direct answer she'd gotten out of him. Steeling herself, she slowly moved to the window to look outside. "And I take it you're wondering what happened to us after you decided to leave on your own?" She asked, looking back at Gordon from the corner of her eyes.

Again, Gordon gave a single nod. Though he wasn't all that concerned about their personal stories in detail, anything that could help him understand this Starlight would be most helpful the next time he would come to face her. And, as a scientist, he would explore every avenue of data presented to him.

"Well, it would seem there is more going on in this town than we initially thought," Twilight began, only to be interrupted by Pinkie Pie loudly clearing her throat. "Right, Pinkie did know something was wrong," Twilight sighed out as she stepped away from the window. "After you left, several ponies approached us, wanting to see us in private. And after meeting them, certain unethical details about Starlight came to light. When we tried to ask her about it, however, she too was gone. We were able to track her down to the cave you found, only for her to take us by surprise. She then used this magical staff, the likes of which I've never seen before, and took our Cutie Marks."

"TOOK THEM!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "She literally pried them off with that damned thing. I still got a sore spot on my butt because of her."

"It was most unpleasant, yes," Rarity agreed, huffing undignified.

"After that, she threw us in here," Twilight continued. "Normally that wouldn't be much of a problem. But with our Cutie Marks missing, our magical powers are next to none existent."

Now that did irk Gordon. Magical powers?

True, he'd seen a lot of difficult to explain phenomena, like individuals who didn't seem to obey the known laws of physics. However, to him that just meant there were more intricate details of the universe he simply didn't understand yet. And although he was accepting about new and unexpected developments, especially after Black Mesa, magic was a definition people described to events or occurrences they didn't understand. Much like the humans of ancient times.

Besides, all the 'magic' he'd seen so far could be explained through logical math and reasoning. The anti gravity capabilities he'd experienced was something he knew was used in a limited matter to handle heavy and hazardous materials. Their ability to generate an containment field was also something they worked on back at the labs. And their teleporting capabilities…. well, it was still a work in progress.

Still, despite these ponies' 'magic', he did pick up on something else much more urgent and confusing. Starlight used his crowbar to 'pry' off their marks.

Now that was something he had a hard time understanding. But, regardless of what he did or didn't understand about this situation, he did understood perfectly that staying in this prison wouldn't help him find the answers he needed.

And so, going through everything he learned just now, his attention returned to the still active P.A. system.

"Ah think ya broke the fella, Twi," Applejack remarked, sighing out as she shook her head.

"Not like there is much to break to begin with," Rainbow snarled. "I bet he doesn't even know what the Hay is going on."

"Rainbow Dash," Twilight scolded. "You're not helping."

Gordon, however, glanced at the prismatic mare from the corner of his eye, snorted, and then grabbed hold of the announcement system with a single hand. Then, with just a single pull, he tore off the speakers from the ceiling, exposing the wires connecting the device to the outside audio source.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Twilight yelled as she, as well as the others, were taken by complete surprise by his action.

Gordon's only answer was a quick glance at the mare, then he continued pulling free the electrical wires connecting the speaker to the rest of the system.

After a short moment, he had a reasonable length of wires hanging free. Enough to work with, even if he hadn't yet decided what to do with them exactly. He also still had the speaker system themselves, and he quickly started to pry them apart to reveal their innerworkings to him. To his surprise, the construct was only partially compatible with his knowledge relating audio transmitters and receivers. Where human made devices related solely on electrical transference to generate sound, these 'speakers' seem to work with a strangely glowing gem at its center.

Not sure what to make of this, he carefully removed the gem out of one of the two connected speakers; a deep blue stone which glowed ever so faintly, even disconnected as it was now.

"What are you doing?" Twilight asked again at a more reasonable level, stepping closer to the silent human. Yet before she could even try to coax an answer out of Gordon, the gem flashed, and the suit he was wearing reacted with a continuous beep and swirling sound.

Eventually, the suit gave a two toned beep, and Gordon was surprised to see his health system showed his status had returned to one hundred percent. Furthermore, he also noticed the gem no longer shone, and was now as luminescent as the underside of his boot.

"What was that, what happened?" Twilight asked, surprised by this turn of events.

"Let me guess, he ain't saying," Rainbow Dash mock suggested, and was promptly proven right as Gordon merely held up the gem with two fingers; rotating it side to side as he studied it with a critical eye. Then his eyes glinted, and he slowly looked back at the wires he'd pulled free a moment ago; a new grin finding its way onto his face.

"He's grinning again," Pinkie Pie piped up.

"Seriously, what's the deal with this guy?" Rainbow Dash complained.

"Ah recon he's been hit on tha head a bit too hard," Applejack said with a hint of worry.

Gordon ignored them as he opened an access panel on the front of his HEV suit, and pulled out some wires connected to his suit's power supply.

"Eh, mister human. Would you mind telling me why your… attire has those, eh, loose threads?" Rarity asked, only for Gordon to hold up a finger signaling her to wait. Of course, none of the ponies knew what this meant. Even Twilight, who had only a short glimpse into the strange and alien culture of humanity after her visit to their world's mirror reality.

Taking the wires from his suit, Gordon quickly connected them with the exposed wires hanging from the ceiling, and his suit gave a confirming beep.

Just as he thought. Somehow, this alien system was compatible with his suit, and he could already see the energy meter fill up past eighty three percent. Never letting the energy display out of his sight, he watched as the meter slowly filled up to eighty seven, then eight, then to stop only shy of eighty nine. It was as he thought. Despite their compatibility, these ponies electrical capabilities were not designed to handle an energy dependent system such as his HEV suit, which had now drained what little power reserves they had. Even more, his energy meter showed he still had seventy six percent of power when he first connected his suit to the electrical wires, which also meant they wouldn't be able to safely deal with a sudden and massive increase of electrical power.

The small grin he had previously suddenly grew much larger, and with a few override commands, he put the power flow in reverse.

It took only ten seconds, and twenty two percent of his suits power, but the payoff was immediate.

A loud explosion suddenly rocked the building they were in, and, judging from the distance and area the concussive blast came from, Starlight Glimmer would probably have to redecorate.

Well, at least he now knew where the transmitter was.

Not that he thought there was any other place for it to be to begin with.

Satisfied with his work so far, he detached the wires, closed his suit's access hatch, and casually walked to the door while the ponies looked at him with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"Okay, I do not know what he did, but that was pretty awesome," Rainbow Dash said.

Gordon smirked at that, then tried to open the door.

Locked, just as expected.

Nodding once, he took a single step back, and counted back from five with a hand. When the last of his fingers curled back to complete his fist, a loud, angry scream filled the air, growing louder and louder as the one screaming approached their prison with rapid speed.

With a blast, almost akin to a second explosion, Starlight slammed open the door; eyes wide, bulging, and red with veins.

"YOU!" She all but growled.

"Me?" Pinkie Pie asked, sounding hurt.

"NOT YOU!" Starlight shot back without averting her gaze from her target. "YOU!"

"You mean Rainbow Dash?" Pinkie Pie sought clarification.

Now Starlight slowly turned her head to the pink pony in the room, doing so with a noticeable stutter like some parts weren't properly lubricated; one of her eyes twitching.

Gordon, having waited for this chance, and glad that Pinkie Pie's behavior was random enough for his plan to work, quickly closed the distance and slammed his still closed fist dead center on Starlight's head.

As if a light bulb blew out, Starlight collapsed on the floor, and Gordon stood almost casually over her unconscious form. Overall, just another day on the job.

Glad with this better than expected result, he took a moment to flex his hand, wriggling the fingers a bit, gave a level glance at the mares he'd been locked up with, and casually strode outside.

Silence.

"Okay…. What just happened?" Asked Pinkie Pie.

Her friends didn't answer as they all continued to stare at the slumped form of Starlight.

"Sh- should we help her?" Fluttershy asked timidly.

Again, no answer was given. And after a moment, all six mares quietly left, leaving Starlight behind; though Rainbow Dash did close the door behind her with a kick of a hindleg.

<<>><<>><<>>

Gordon moved at a quick pace back to the cave, having just taken a quick glance at Starlight's house, pleased with the overall result his impromptu plan had caused.

There wasn't too much structural damage, as far as he could see from the outside. The building itself was still standing. Still, most of the windows were blown out, as well as the door. Smoke, too, billowed out in thick columns, revealing at least some fire had burned, or was still burning.

The ponies in town also seemed quite shaken, as was expected. Yet, as Gordon strode past them, none of them did anything to stop him, or even slow him down.

It would seem that with Starlight out of control the way she was, they didn't know what to do. This only confirmed what Gordon already knew. These ponies weren't here willingly, and were clearly controlled in some way. Knocking Starlight out had been the right call, even if this meant she wouldn't be able to tell him where she'd left his crowbar.

Though, he already had a good idea where she put it.

Although her house was the first place he thought about, Gordon almost immediately discarded that idea. It did make sense at first, but he doubted she would keep his crowbar, or magical staff as they seemed so keen on calling it, that close to those who might try to take it. And including her ability to teleport, it would stand to reason she'd move to the cave and back in the blink of an eye, which would mean she still held the staff close at hand, even over such a distance. Therefore, he ran to the cave, hopefully before Starlight would regain her senses.

He probably should have tied her up, he realized. Though the abilities she'd demonstrated probably would render such actions pointless, and a waste of time.

Halfway to the cave, he caught sight of something moving in his peripheral vision. Glancing back over his shoulder, he noticed Twilight and her friends following after him; seemingly struggling to keep up. Which was odd. As a quadruped, their overall running speed should be far greater than his bipedal stance would allow.

Ignoring this odd development for the time being, Gordon closed the distance and sprinted inside the cave.

True enough, slowly rotating on the spot as if it hadn't been removed earlier, was his trusted crowbar.

Stepping within grabbing range, he extended his arm to retrieve his trusted tool, only to stop mid motion; his fingers almost touching the metal construct. Slowly pulling back, he slowly and carefully circled around the pedestal above which the crowbar hovered in place; stroking his beard while a frown creased his forehead.

This was almost too easy.

Surely there was some kind of security system in place. After all, there was a laser grid protected vault right behind him, and it had become abundantly clear his crowbar, somehow, had become an item of great significance to Starlight Glimmer.

Still, so far he hadn't triggered any alarm or deathtrap as far as he could tell.

He thought about this for a little while longer, then came to a stop, shrugged, and retrieved his crowbar.

For a second, he stood tense, expecting just about anything to happen. When nothing happened, however, he released the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"There he is!"

Gordon jumped, and whirled around to face the cave entrance.

Again, he sighed out. It was only Pinkie Pie.

For a moment, Gordon was lost in a grim reflection of his life, and how things had turned in such a way that the arrival of a sapient pink pony was no cause of concern to him. And, at further reflection, he came to the conclusion it probably all started that day when Frank, an over eager intern, ran into him, making him spill his coffee all over his favorite labcoat. Curse you, Frank.

In retrospect, Frank had probably already died during the incident at Black Mesa.

Well, at least that issue had been resolved, he surmised.

Focusing back on Pinkie Pie, and the rest of the group with her as well, Gordon took another glance at their equalized marks, then glanced over his shoulder at the laser grid protected vault of sorts.

Sure enough, the mares' their marks were there as well.

"He has the staff!" Twilight gasped out, eyes wide.

Cocking an eyebrow, Gordon looked at his crowbar; almost scoffing as he did so.

"What are you waiting for?" Rainbow Dash shouted at him. "Destroy that stupid thing!"

Gordon slowly turned to look at the loudmouth pegasus, sighing while rolling his eyes; allowing his arm to fall to his side.

"YOU!!"

The mares all flinched back, while Gordon could do nothing more than place his hand against his face as Starlight burst into the cave; shoving Twilight and her friends roughly aside. However, when she saw Gordon standing there with the 'staff' in his stubby claw, she froze on the spot, eyes widening even further while veins colored them red; a noticeable throb on her temple.

Already seeing where this was going, Gordon quickly placed the crowbar inside the surprisingly roomy storage compartment of his HEV suit, capable of storing numerous tools, or weapons, even if the total mass would far exceed any normal storage capabilities. This was one of those things he knew not to question it, and just go with it.

Seeing the strange creature putting away her instrument to spread true equality inside that strange suit of his, Starlight snarled like a beast possessed, and the ponies quickly, but carefully backed away from this clearly deranged individual.

Lighting up her horn, Starlight fired a blast energy towards the hatch of the suit's storage compartment, attempting to open it with brute force. Gordon, however, expected as much, and quickly twisted out of the way, and instead Starlight's brute force attack connected with the laser like grid sealing away all the ponies' their marks.

With her pupils so small they were barely visible, Starlight watched as the Cutie Mark vault blew wide open, and all the Cutie Marks stored within flew out, returning to the flank they belonged to.

One of Starlight's eyes started to twitch, badly.

Gordon, having become somewhat of a master at detecting an incoming shitstorm, quickly moved for the cave's exit, followed closely behind by Twilight and company.

They'd only managed to take five or six steps when, screaming like a banshee, Starlight all but flew after them; a massive explosion destroying the cave in her wake.

Well, shit.

Gordon, acting in reflex, quickly retrieved his crowbar, and stood his ground; holding his crowbar like a baseball bat ready to strike.

Eyes narrowed, and keeping close watch on his target with calculating gaze, Gordon swung the moment Starlight got into optimized range, and he clubbed her right on the horn; the conduit of her power, he deduced.

A pained scream escaped Starlight, but her momentum made it difficult to see exactly how much damage Gordon managed to inflict. Furthermore, Gordon's attack also knocked her off course, and she flew past him, crashed into the ground, and continued to roll, legs flailing around like a rag doll until she eventually came to a stop.

For a second, everything was deathly quiet, which was how Gordon was able to hear the faint 'tink' when something hit the metallic underside of his protective boot.

Looking down, Gordon was only mildly surprised to see the cracked and broken horn of Starlight. Bending down to retrieve the horn, his motions drew the attention of the absolutely flabbergasted mares. Standing back up, Gordon took a moment to study the severed horn; slowly rotating it in his fingers.

The ponies all gasped out in shock.

Shrugging, Gordon dropped the horn back on the ground. He would have liked to study it better, but he didn't have access to any of his equipment. And he figured that if he stored the horn for later study, if he would ever get a chance to do so, these ponies would pester him about it along the way.

Honestly, it wasn't worth the headache.

Speaking of such, with a groan, which quickly morphed in a shriek, then finally in a guttural growl, Starlight slowly rose to her hooves. Eyes crossed as she looked at the broken stump of what remained of her horn, then ever so slowly her bloodshot eyes focused back on Gordon.

Preparing himself for another half assed attempt from the mare to claim his crowbar, Gordon stared back at her with steeled determination. Yet before any of them could even flinch, they were taken by complete surprise when, with a shrill screech, a most unexpected creature jumped into the scene; grabbing hold onto Starlight's head before she could react, and chomping down onto her skull with its defanged 'mouth'.

It was at that moment Gordon remembered Lamarr had also entered the teleportation field moments before it send him here.

Again, a whole second ticked by without any sound or action. Then, as if a dam had burst, Starlight screamed out.

"GHAAAAA! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" And despite the apparent horror she'd experience, her running around while a defanged headcrab was gnawing on her scalp was quite the comical sight.

Well, to Gordon at the very least. Twilight and her friends all looked at the panicking mare with various levels of concern and fear.

Except Rainbow Dash, who laughed uproariously, rolling over the ground as she did so.

Running around in a blind panic, and also partially blinded by the creature's legs covering some of her vision, Starlight moved towards the agitated mob of villagers; all clearly wanting some answers, and intent on asking the mare now running towards them. Though they, too, stood unmoving on the spot as they saw their town's leader run around with that thing on her head, and none dared to get too close to her.

All that changed when Party Favor decided to 'remove' the creature by throwing a well aimed rock, and missing horribly; instead hitting Starlight on her rump, which somehow caused her equality mark to smear out.

More rocks soon followed, all trying to dislodge the head gnawing beast, and all missing their intended target.

Today just wasn't Starlight's day.

Sighing out, Gordon slacked his stance. He figured he'd probably be the one to do the right thing. After all, Doctor Kleiner probably wanted his pet back… unharmed.

With a strategic placement of his foot, he tripped Starlight, who tumbled head over hoof through the dirt, coming to a stop in a heap.

Approaching, Gordon looked down on the disheveled, tired, bruised, and possibly physically, and definitely mentally broken mare. Lamarr still sat comfortably on Starlight's head.

Needing only a second to think this through, Gordon shoved the business end of his crowbar between Starlight's head and Lamarr, forcing the two apart with some difficulties. And even though mostly covered by her fur and saliva drenched mane, a massive hickey clearly marked the spot Lamarr had attached herself.

Putting away his crowbar, and grabbing the headcrab in both hands, Gordon realized he hadn't thought this far ahead. And now, standing on an unknown world, wriggling headcrab in hands, he really didn't know what to do.

Blinking, he dropped Lamarr, who quickly scurried away and out of sight.

… That probably wouldn't cause any problems, right?

With Starlight once again down for the count, and without any weird creature stuck to her head, the town's ponies all stepped closer; all eyes locked on the smudged mark on Starlight's flank.

Frowning with a growing sense of suspicion, Party Favor pulled off the cloth he was wearing around his neck, using it to clean away the smudge. Much to the shock of all gathered, when he pulled away the cloth, Starlight's equality mark was gone. And in its place they saw her own, personal Cutie Mark.

"SHE LIED TO US!" One of the ponies yelled, scandalized, betrayed. The rest of the town's ponies soon gave voice to their own angry thoughts, closing in on the unconscious mare, until a purple barrier stopped them.

Looking back over his shoulder, Gordon saw Twilight with her horn aglow.

"Everypony, stop!" Twilight exclaimed. "I understand you're angry. You have every right to be. But what you're about to do won't solve anything."

"And what do you think we're going to do, huh?" A voice at the back of the crowd shouted back.

Blinking, Twilight looked back at her friends; Applejack being the one to answer with a shrug. Turning back to the crowd of ponies, Twilight faltered with her reply.

"Well, ehh… You all seem angry, so I thought that-"

"That, what!?" Came the hostile response, the crowd now turning on her, and Twilight took an involuntary step back.

"I didn't-" Twilight tried.

"Now listen here, y'all," Applejack cut in, eyes set in stubborn determination as she stepped forth.

The following tirade filled with southern slang was enough for Gordon to zone out, and instead focus on what to do next while Applejack kept the crowd occupied.

He had retrieved his crowbar, so that was a plus. And he managed to put a stop to Starlight's plans, which he also counted as a positive outcome. Though, there was still the issue concerning Lamarr.

Sighing out, he knew what needed to be done. And quietly, without any of the ponies noticing, he left in search of the freak pet of doctor Kleiner.

<<>><<>><<>>

It had taken a long, heartfelt talk with the town's folk, a impromptu song and dance with her friends, and a surprise twist from Twilight to accept Starlight as her student in friendship, but eventually the volatile situation had been defused.

It was only after that they discovered the human had vanished.

Now, several days later, there still had been no sight of the strangely quiet individual.

Not that they had the luxury to search for him.

It was shortly after they returned to Ponyville that Twilight and her friends learned of the disappearance of both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.

Twilight, naturally, freaked out. Teleporting to the castle and back numerous times while using whichever spell she could think of to look for them.

Fluttershy only made the situation worse when she realized Discord, too, was missing. And now, almost a full week since the human vanished, and a quick connection between his disappearance, and of the Princesses and Discord was made, Twilight had all but locked herself up in her library, reading book after book in an attempt to find any clue which could tell her what was going on; what she was missing.

This, of course, also made her friends worry about her; keeping herself locked up in her study days on end, only to appear looking like a zombie, mane disheveled, reeking from days without bath, eyes bloodshot, trying to perform yet another tracking spell, only to retreat back inside after yet another failure.

Eventually, it became so bad that Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash combined their efforts to, quite literally, drag Twilight outside and hold her down while Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie hosed her down, while Spike made a valiant effort to at least wash her coat.

Twilight did try to resist, and her alicorn might would have made short work of any efforts of her friends, if she hadn't been so damn tired.

By the time her friends were done, she had barely enough strength to stand upright.

All this changed when, shooting down from the sky, an energetic orb of orange energy shot past them; impacting one of Twilight's castle's crystal faceted sides, and an oval shaped hole appeared where it struck; its sides a shimmering orange.

"WHAT THE HAY IS THAT!?" Twilight yelled, eyes wide, and her freshly washed mane began to stick out to sides while a small trail of smoke drifted up from the still damp hair.

A slender white hoof stepped out of the orange hole, followed later by a second as Celestia calmly stepped outside; her regalia missing, mane tied back in a functional ponytail, a strange device with white casings, black barrel of sorts, and the same orange glow as the hole on the wall at its center in her magical hold. And strangest of all, there was a potato. Attached to this potato were all kinds of strange objects, one of such being a flickering light whenever it spoke. And said potato was also firmly attached to the device Celestia held, impaled on one of three pincer like protrusions around the object's barrel, shouting all kinds of obscenities, while Celestia looked around with the largest, most sincere smile anypony had ever seen.

"I'm sorry, dear. I didn't quite get that," Celestia said lightheartedly, and the potato screeched in frustration, only for its voice to crackle and stop.

"WHAT THE HAY JUST HAPPENED?" Twilight shouted once again.

"Oh, don't worry, Twilight. She'll reboot in a moment."

True enough, only seconds later the potato 'rebooted'.

"I. HATE. YOU!"

Celestia tuted. "Now, Glados. What did I tell you about saying that?"

"When I get my body back, there is no reality where you can hide!"

"Gladdy," Celestia said imploring.

"Slow and painful," the potato glowered. Raising a single, slender eyebrow, Celestia closed the gap.

"Remember, I'm an herbivore."

"... Yes... princess."

"That's a good potato," Celestia praised.

Twilight's mind short circuited, one of her eyes stuck on permanent twitching mode.

"Eh… Princess. Do you mind telling us what happened and where you have been?" Rarity hesitantly stepped up, just as confused by, well, whatever it was that was currently happening.

"Why, I just had the most relaxing time of my life," Celestia answered happily. "No politics, no pushy bureaucrats, no tedious paperwork. Just me, my portal gun, turrets, acid pools, toxic nerve gas, and a killer artificial intelligence to control it all."

"RELAXING!?" The potato screeched, almost shutting down again. "I. Tried. To. Kill. You!"

"Oh, Glados dear. I'm immortal. Surely you should have figured that out after the sixth time you, ahem, killed me. In all honesty. After the third attempt, your efforts started to slack. I mean, at first you dropped the elevator in a pool of acid, which I managed to escape from with only losing a leg, only to find myself in a room filled with turrets all aimed at me. There certainly was some effort put in that attempt. But the last few… meh," she said unimpressed. "Just filling a room with deathly toxin does seem rather lazy in comparison."

Glados couldn't even reply as her circuitry sparked and sputtered.

"Oh dear. She certainly doesn't have the same processing power she used to have."

All the ponies around her looked at her with wide eyes and open mouth; no sound escaping them.

Chuckling, Celestia looked down towards Spike.

"Spike, would you be so kind and send a letter to my sister. I'm sure she's worried sick about me."

"... I- ehhh…. Your sis- ehh… I mean, princess Luna is missing too. So is Discord," Spike managed.

"They are?" Celestia said, surprised. Then she looked back at Glados. "Anything I should know about?"

"Anything I should know about!?" Glados repeated with barely restrained anger. "LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO ME! WHY WOULD I WANT TO DEAL WITH ANOT-... Error…. Error. Unexpected system malfunction. Please stand by… System rebooting…… -THER LIKE YOU!"

"I'm over here, sister," Luna said as she stepped outside Twilight's castle; eyes darting around nervously, and a strange L shaped object held in her magical grasp.

"Princess Luna!? Where the hay did you come from?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"I'm not sure, miss Dash. One moment I'm fighting a horde of the undead, the next I find myself in some closet. Twilight's wardrobe, I now realize."

"Undead?" Rarity gasped, wavering unsteadily on her legs.

"Indeed," Luna affirmed, still looking around nervously. "I wonder, did my new friends also make it here. If so, we must find them, and possibly help them come out of the closet."

"... Okay… none of that made any sense," Rainbow Dash said loudly.

"Sense," a disturbingly familiar disembodied voice spoke up, and strange music suddenly filled the air. "What fun is there in making sense?"

With a continuous roar, a chariot unlike any they had ever seen burst through one of Twilight castle's second floor windows.

Dropping the distance, the chariot landed heavily on its broad wheels while its forwards momentum sent it halfway into town, only to make a sharp turn, drifting around several panicking ponies, and accelerate back to the castle.

With a screeching, and sliding over the loose dirt with the remainder of its momentum, the chariot finally came to a stop a mere inch before the group of ponies and drake, partially obscured in a cloud of dust kicked up by the tires. The strange music, too, stopped.

As they all coughed, Luna looked around in alarm, the loud sounds causing her distress.

"I don't know, Sarge. I think we're lost," an unknown stallion suddenly spoke up somewhere within the dust cloud.

"God dammit, Simmons. I thought you knew where we were going!" Another, gruff sounding stallion barked.

"I do, but Grif said he knew a shortcut," the first stallion replied with a submissive undertone.

"Did I give you permission to listen to anything Grif has to say, soldier?"

"Well… Yes. You did give him the map, Sir."

"Hey, don't pin this on me. You know just as well as I do what happens when I'm put in charge of anything," Yet another stallion made himself known; his voice carrying the distinct undertone of disinterest.

"You're never put in charge of anything because nothing ever gets done correctly, or at all for that matter," the first stallion snapped back.

"Exactly," the third stallion replied. "Honestly, you brought this upon yourself."

A curious new sound filled the dust covered air, and Luna's ears perked up in recognition.

"A shotgun?" She gasped, and finally the dust cloud started to clear away.

"Grif, you better have a good explanation for your damn dirty blue attitude," a red colored armor wearing human said, riding shotgun, and aiming said weapon towards the human in the back; he was wearing orange armor.

"It's simple, Sarge. I just don't care. Either you yell at me for doing something right, or you yell at me for doing something wrong, because to you, everything I do is wrong. In fact, if it was me who ran Tucker over, and not Simmons, you would have yelled at me for denting the warthog.

"Oowww," the blue armored human mentioned as Tucker moaned, firmly lodged against the vehicle's grill.

"Of course not!" Sarge shot back. "I would have commended you for finally doing something useful… Then I would have yelled at you, for denting the warthog."

"Gee, thanks," Grif deadpanned.

"Oh, aren't they delightful?" Discord cooed, arms placed on Celestia's back, and hands cupped to rest his head in as he watched the bickering trio.

"Discord," Celestia said without missing a beat. "Who are they?"

"Oh, just the most entertaining bunch of individuals I have had the pleasure to meet. And look," he said with glee, pulling several miniature versions of blue armored humans out of Twilight's frazzled mane. "They come with accessories."

"Hello. Why is everyone suddenly so big?" The mini human in dark blue armor asked.

"Caboose, shut up," the pale blue armored human groaned.

Discord grinned down at the chaotic humans, feeling a strange sense of kinship with them.

"Oh my. This certainly is a ssstrange turn… of... events."

The world grew gray and still, and the all too familiar business suit clad entity stepped into view. His form human.

Taking a moment to readjust his tie, he then looked at the frozen scene behind him.

"Why, I take it you weren't exxxpecting me here… now," he spoke with his morosely toned voice, slowly turning back towards the reader. "After all, there are still storiesss untold, questionsss unanswered, and ex-pec-ta-tions to meet."

As he looked at you with his piercing eyes, the scene behind him changed; white walls illuminated by harsh white lighting suddenly formed the decor, and Celestia could be seen moving through a complex death maze, using her portal gun to reach the exit.

There was a flash, and suddenly his face is much closer; his steel gaze locked with yours.

"Of course, there isss much left to be told. Each a story of their own, with unique twisssts... and... turns. Hmmm."

His face faded into the background, yet still visible while you saw Princess Luna and a group of survivors quietly move through a dark alley, their steps partially muffled by the rain drenching their forms, when an accidental misstep caused Luna to knock over a partially filled dumpster.

They all froze on the spot, tense, nervous, not daring to breathe.

Then as if a dam had burst, creatures cursed to roam the world stuck in the twilight between life and death rushed out of every dark place around them.

The last thing seen before his form dominated the scene was that of Luna and the survivors unleashing a barrage of bullets while making a break for an abandoned and, hopefully safe, warehouse.

"Naturally, there iss a time, and place for such ssstories. However… now. Is. Not. The. Time."

"Now hold on right there!" Discord snapped, standing behind the deceptive being with arms crossed. "Are you really doing what I think you're doing? To cut things off here, right in the middle of everything, leaving everyone hanging in the middle of a cliffhanger; tantalizing them with things to come, only to never show up again?" Leaning in closer, Discord's mismatched eyes glared into the entity's piercing eyes.

"We've already gone through this before, waiting years for a sign of life, only for it to arrive in the form of a genderbend 'fanfic', with names changed just enough to avoid copyright claims."

"An… ironic turn… of… events, wouldn't you agree?" He said, wiping a bit off dust from his left sleeve with slow and stiff motions.

"And what about our silent protagonist, hmmm? What happened to him?" Discord wanted to know.

"Ah, yes. Doctor Freeman."

Again, the background changed, and images of Gordon flashed by in rapid succession; first showing him as he left the village shortly after his fight with Starlight. Then he stood near the train tracks the train carrying the mares had arrived on; observing small impressions in the dirt, indicating the direction Lamarr had scurried off to. Next the sight of Gordon following the tracks back to the village where he first arrived flashed into perspective, only to be directly replaced by him standing on the tracks' side; looking at a strange, cold, and clearly not pony made train which had stopped beside him; the door of the first cart standing open, and directly in front of him. He got on board, coming face to face with the very same individual whose piercing gaze overlaps the image of himself, now staring at you.

"D-o-c-t-o-r Freeman has been... returned to where he needsss to be…. For now, at least," he answered, and Discord frowned deeply.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, I am afraid I'm not at liberty to discusss such… delicate matters… with… you… hmmm."

"So now you just scurry away while leaving 'ol Discord to clean up your mess, is that it!?" Discord demanded to know, his single fang glistening dangerously.

The deceptive entity gave a stiff lipped smirk.

"How… surprisssing. And here I thought you enjoyed a bit of chaos every now… and… then."

Discord narrowed his eyes.

"I'm keeping my eyes on you."

"Oh, Dissscord. It is not I you need... worrying about. After all, there are plenty of otherss... here who are able to change the status quo... hmmm… in... most unexpected mannersss."

"Is that so!?" Discord huffed, pressing his face closer to the entity's.

"Quite," he answered matter of factly, and his eyes locked on something behind Discord.

Noticing this, Discord, with a noticeable amount of suspicion, turned around to see what he was looking at.

"Oh…"

The moment the sound escaped him, color returned to the world, and the humans continued their bickering, while the ponies all looked around in confusion as they realized Discord had suddenly vanished. And though nothing unusual for the draconequus, he did do so more often than not, he rarely did so mid sentence… Well, when he did the talking, at least.

Though it didn't take long for the ponies to find him, standing just a few steps away, looking up and into the distance with an expression plastered on his face they couldn't quite place.

Then the ground shook, and screams arose from the village.

One by one, they all turned to the source, including the humans; their heads slowly angling up as they saw what approached them, shock evident among them all. Yet none of them looked as shocked, or as horrified as Rarity when she saw her little sister.

Equestria would never be the same again.
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It's confirmed!

Author's Note

What, surprised? Well, it certainly doesn't surprise me.

Oh, I'm sure you have question, answers not given, and a yearning for more. Well dear reader, I'm sorry to say that this particular book has just turned its last page. Twilight and her friends returned home, with all a unique story to tell, yet no answers to provide. Celestia found her way back, yet her story was erased when Glados was transferred to her new body. Luna fought her way through Tartarus and back, and does not speak of the events transpired. As for yours truly, I did have a marvelous time with the gang in our little boxed canyon, but that is a story for another time... Maybe?

As for our good friend, Gordon Freeman. Well he has returned to his unfinished story, waiting for an ending which most likely never comes. seriously, Gabe, get your act together! Though the marvelous experience we've all shared throughout the journey here may have left you invigorated and inspired. And, who knows. Maybe a journal detailing the events of the Princesses found its way into your hands, and you feel the need to share these entries with all the others joined here, together. If so, please do. After all, a story is best experienced when shared by many; each unique twist and turn created by a shared interest to know what happened, inspiring others to share their lost entry to this tale.

And with those words, I now close the book, and wish you adieu.

~Powerdrainer