Sometimes the Solution You Cook up Is Not the One You Intended
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Sometimes the Solution You Cook up Is Not the One You Intended
Author's Note
A little something inspired by the wonderful show Stranger Things. There's probably some minor things in the way of spoilers, but very few and none really pertaining to the plot.
Also... the shows like... Eight 50 minute episodes long, So... You could always just watch it if you're concerned. 
Sometimes the Solution You Cook up Is Not the One You Intended
Mrs. Cake cast a wary eye on a fleck of some unidentified, white substance floating in the air. Frowning, she blew it away as she continued to trudge down the stairs of Sugarcube Corner. Although “flour” was usually a safe bet here, whatever this was clumped together and floated about the quiet bakery more like snow. However, unlike snow, it was not cold to the touch nor did it seem like it was going to melt into water. In fact, each fleck felt oddly sticky and all around unpleasant as it touched Mrs. Cake’s light blue coat.
Mrs. Cake made it to the bottom of the stairs and walked past the main counter, taking note that the display case had already been filled with new delectable-looking baked goods. Well… At least she got her duties finished… She mused to herself as she walked into the kitchen, the odd white substance growing ever thicker as it hung in the air.
Mrs. Cake gave a heavy sigh as she stepped into her kitchen and shook her head. Just as I suspected… Oh this girl is going to be the death of me, I just know it… “Pinkie,” Mrs. Cake began in a soft, but still chastising tone, “what have I told you about baking Hellish-looking portals to other dimensions in the kitchen?!”
Standing next to a several meter high heap of slimy-looking vegetation with a dull glowing red membrane in the center, Pinkie Pie turned and grinned back at Mrs. Cake with a pensive, if wide smile that showed off all her teeth. “Oopsie…” she replied.
“‘Oopsie?’” Mrs. Cake parroted. “Pinkie, please tell me you have more to say for yourself than a simple ‘Oopsie’. We talked about this! Many times!”
“I know we talked about this and I wasn’t trying to bake a portal to an otherworldly dimension!” Pinkie insisted. “I was up all night working on my ultimate cake recipe and well…” Pinkie trailed off as she stared at the organic mound of… vegetation? Green-colored flesh? Fleshetation? Well… whatever it was, it let out a sickly squelch as a fine stream of more of the sticky white flakes shot out from the membrane center. Pinkie turned back to Mrs. Cake. “Mistakes were made…” Pinkie said sheepishly.
Mrs. Cake pursed her lips into a small frown. “Pinkie, did you confuse teaspoons and tablespoons again?”
“Only for like an hour because I was sleepy!” Pinkie insisted. “And only while trying to mix the ultimate cake! Everything else is fine! But well… a bit too much baking powder, and a bit too little vanilla extract and erm…” Pinkie motioned to the portal with both forehooves. “… And now we have a free mystery portal right in the kitchen!”
Mrs. Cake narrowed her eyes slightly. “Pinkie, I don’t want that thing in the kitchen, let alone the bakery!”
The portal made another moist squelch as if in protest.
Pinkie puffed out her lower lip. “But we’ve already bonded! I already named him… her… it? ‘Belchy’! Belchy’s oddly sticky friendship has finally taught me the meaning of blove, or blob love!” Pinkie ran a forehoof over the side of Belchy. “And he had my scent now, Belchy’s mother will never take him back!”
“Pinkie, no!” Mrs. Cake said adding a touch more sternness to her voice.
“Look, I know it appears to be an evil half-plant, half-skin pile portal to an evil dimension, but if I’ve learned anything as an Element of Harmony bearer, it’s that we shouldn’t judge things by how they appear and—”
“Pinkie! It’s blocking one of the ovens and I don’t want the kids going anywhere near it!” Mrs. Cake tilted her head slightly. “You know how they get into everything.”
Pinkie turned towards the portal, then to Mrs. Cake. “Maybe it could be useful as extra storage at least? We don’t even know what’s on the other—”
Mrs. Cake scowled at Pinkie. “Get rid of it!” she said sternly. “I mean it! It’s coating the bakery in this strange—” Mrs. Cake cringed slightly as one of the white ‘flakes’ dropped on her nose “—sticky goo stuff… and the last thing we need is to scare customers when flailing tentacles explode from the kitchen!”
“But that was only one time!” Pinkie protested. “And a huge tub of peanut butter fixed all that!”
Mrs. Cake stomped a hoof on the ground. “Pinkie!” she said sternly. “Read my lips! Get. Rid. Of. It! Sorry for raising my voice, but I really want that gone before we open.”
Pinkie inhaled through her nose and then let the air out slowly. “Fiiiiine…” She said begrudgingly. “I’ll uh… I’ll cut it loose and set it free in the Everfree Forest so it can frolic or erm, ooze with the other magical abominations…” Pinkie turned and stared at the portal which was quite affixed to the kitchen’s ceiling, floor, and wall. “Er… Assuming it lives in the wilderness and can find a nice tree to anchor itself to…”
“That’s fine,” Mrs. Cake said as she turned and began to walk out of the kitchen. “Just as long as it’s out of the bakery.”
Pinkie turned towards the portal and gave it a sad pout. “Sorry , Belchy! But you heard Mrs. Cake. You’ve got to go!”
‘Belchy’ once again fired off another stream of the unknown white substance as it seemed to make a wet gurgling reply.
“I know!” Pinkie said as she trotted over to a set of knives in a block and pulled one out. “But I’m sure you’ll make lots of friends in the Everfree forest!” Pinkie said with a smile before she put a chef’s knife in her mouth, trotted over to Belchy, then took the knife in one of her hooves. “Now let’s get you off the walls, floor, and ceiling and then go outside!” Pinkie grabbed hold of a sticky green tendril that was affixed to the wall and began cutting. In response, Belchy pulsated and shuddered as if responding in protest or pain.
“Wha!” Pinkie cried as she slipped and fell to the floor, losing hold of her knife. “Ouchies!” she exclaimed as she sat up on her haunches, cradling her left foreleg which now sported a shallow cut. She turned and glared at Belchy. “Belchy! Don’t make this any harder than it has to be! It’ll be much easier on both of us if I cut you free instead of setting you on fire to get you out of here!” Pinkie frowned heavily. “I mean… there’s just so much cleaning involved with getting the smell of burnt flesh portal out of the kitchen if I do that.”
Suddenly, the lights in the kitchen began to flicker erratically, sometimes dimming and sometimes even going out entirely as Pinkie stared upwards.
“Pinkie?!” Mrs. Cake cried out from elsewhere in the bakery.
“It’s fine!” Pinkie assured. “I think Belchy is just throwing a little fit!” Pinkie said as she cast an unamused glare at the portal in question.
Belchy stood motionless, however a sound like wood being forcibly ripped apart by claws and muscles got Pinkie’s attention. Pinkie spun to stare at the kitchen wall as it protruded towards her in the form of three large bumps that ended with several smaller bumps like two hands reaching towards her from the wall and a head or something similar to it coming closer. Pinkie’s ears flopped down around her head and she stared at the scene pensively as the wall began to creak and crack as it gave way. Pointed claws made their way into the world of Equestria, followed by fleshy red colored digits on hands that were at the end of long muscular arms.
“Pinkie!” the shout came from inside elsewhere in the bakery. “That better not be an otherworldly creature ripping itself into our dimension through that portal you baked!”
Pinkie turned and looked at Belchy who continued to silently sit in the same spot and slowly pulsate.
“It’s not!” Pinkie assured.
The oddly stretched wood of the topmost bump seemed to rip away like flesh rotting away and exposing an open wound, or in this case, the creature’s faceless head. The creature's head gleamed a sickly red in the flickering lights and it seemed to stare at Pinkie despite a lack of eyes or anything resembling sensory organs.
Pinkie merely sat in place, staring at the creature as it tore itself from the wall as if the wall itself was some sort of thin membrane that separated it from Equestria. Soon the creature was completely free of the wall which, against all odds and physics, had stretched with the creature more like it was a thick goo or adhesive and less a solid wall. This lanky creature got onto two feet and brought itself up as high as it could. The kitchen clearly not being large enough to accommodate this lanky monster of muscles and claws, it hunched over the smaller pink pony, its bizarrely faceless head pointed directly at Pinkie.
For a moment, neither pony nor creature sp—
“Hi!” Pinkie said cheerfully extending a forehoof. “My name is Pinkie Pie, what’s yours?”
The creature replied by splitting its head into five flower petal-like tendrils covered with teeth and roaring loudly at Pinkie, a small stream of semi-translucent, milky-white saliva, or something that resembled it, flew from its maw which opened into a massive hole that extended into the creature's body.
Pinkie reared back her head and grit her teeth as the sound and spit hit her full blast. With a wipe of a forehoof, she collected the ‘saliva’ from her face and attempted to flick it elsewhere. “Wow, that’s an awful lot of vowels for a name,” Pinkie mused. She smiled up at the creature. “I’m just going to call you ‘Roary’.” Pinkie lifted her slightly slobbery forehoof. “Or maybe ‘Spitty’.”
“PiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIINKIIIIIIEEEEEE!” Mrs. Cake roared for outside the kitchen. Her angry tone carrying a heavy, implication of ‘Don’t make me come in there!’
“It’s fiiiine! I got it!” Pinkie replied.
“Okay…” Mrs. Cake said in an unsure tone. “I’m trusting you on this…”
The ‘death blossom’ attached to a bipedal body of muscle and claws simple continued to loom over Pinkie, it’s ‘mouth’ still hanging open as it hunched over the much smaller pony.
Pinkie looked up at the monstrous creature with a look of disappointment a child might reserve for an animal that the child’s parents told the kid they could not keep. “I’m sorry, Roary, but you can’t stay here! The bakery is going to open soon and Mrs. Cake has a strict policy against unknown creatures from other dimensions.” Pinkie sighed. “Especially the gooey ones.” Pinkie flicked her forehoof a few more times as she attempted to get the sticky substance off of it a few times, then looked back upwards as a long strand of spit dropped from Roary’s open cavity and began to pool on the ground. Pinkie gave Roary a sad smile. “Maybe you can visit during off hours and Mrs. Cake could get to know you better! I’m sure then she’d be fine with you being in the bakery…” Pinkie looked down at the pooling drool on the floor. “Erm… As long as you clean up after yourself…” She took a deep breath and looked up again. “But for now, I think it’s best if you go back to your own dime—”
Roary suddenly reached out to Pinkie with its claw-tipped hands and clasped them around the pony’s torso as it drew Pinkie close to itself. With a startled gasp, Pinkie was gone.
Roary’s mouth closed back into a featureless spiraled head as it seemingly stared down at its empty hands in confusion.
“Wow! Rude!” Pinkie exclaimed, her head popping out from behind Roary.
Roary took a startled leap back, practically falling into an oven and causing a racket of rattling metal as it dropped to all fours. Roary took a predatory stance and pointed his head towards Pinkie who gave the massive dimensional beast a slightly miffed look.
Mrs. Cake’s load, annoyed groan sounded out from elsewhere.
Pinkie ignored the groan. “I’m all for surprise hugs,” she said, “but shunting people into alternative dimensions without their consent is just not right! Remember, ‘Without permission, there’s no transmission!’” Pinkie’s smile returned. “Okay?”
Roary simply titled his head slightly and let out an inquisitive-sounding growl.
Pinkie giggled. “Besides! The door to your dimension is right here!” Pinkie said as she motioned to Belchy. “If you wanted me to visit, it’s just a hop, skip, and a jump!” Pinkie said as she bent her knees, bounced lightly, then dived into the red membrane inside the vine-like, fleshy green mass, disappearing inside.
Roray turned and looked at the portal.
“Oh wow!” Pinkie voice called out. “It’s like a copy of Sugarcube Corner here! Just… just darker and covered with goo and stuff!” she shouted. “I mean… You really should get some more lights and scrub away all this sticky film and uh… pulsating, sticky vine stuff…?”
On the other end of the portal, Pinkie stood in what seemed to be a run down version of the kitchen she had just been in, her usually puffy mane and tail now hanging in sticky clumps due to the odd substance that had followed her through the portal. The light in the kitchen was dim and the walls were dingy and covered in a thin membrane of what very well could be the same white substance that lazily floated in the air and also now covered Pinkie.
“Oh, is that impolite to say?” Pinkie mused as the wall behind her once against bulged as if it was elastic and gave way to Roary’s menacing form. “I mean… I’m the guest here,” Pinkie said. She turned towards Roary. “I don’t mean to be a ‘Rudey-tuedy, gosh you’re being a patootie!’” Pinkie’s ears flopped down around her head and she grinned sheepishly. “And I hope it isn’t overstepping my bounds to say you could have just taken the door!” she said, motion towards the other pule of vine like flesh covered in a thin membrane with a dull red center.
Roary suddenly lunged towards Pinkie once again, placing a clawed hand under her stomach and forcefully pushing her into one of the fleshier piles on one of the walls. Pinkie let out a startled yelp as she hit the mass with a solid ‘plop’. The odd vines and membrane like material began to envelop her legs and torso as she pulled deeper into it.
“Oooooooh! I get it!” Pinkie said happily. “All this stuff is for super-fun wall hugs!” Pinkie frowned. “Geez, everyone here must need to take like three showers a day or just get used to being covered in slime!”
“Pinkie? Pinkie Piiiiieeeee!” A concerned female voice called out from the Belchy that was on this world.
“In here, Twilight!” Pinkie called back. “I’m getting a wall hug!”
“What?!” Twilight called back. “I just showed up for some muffins, but Mrs. Cake said you might need help with like… a bio-organic portal and a monster or something?! I found the portal but…”
“Yeah! I’m on the other side here!” Pinkie said.
Roary drew up to his full higher and looked between the pink mare stuck in the wall and the portal in his dimension.
“… I’m guessing since you’re talking to me, its safe?” Twilight called out.
“Sure!” Pinkie said. “Sure is sticky though,” Pinkie said with a frown as she looked at her limbs that were being covered by more and more of the sticky membrane substance. “I mean… You might want to get like a rain slicker and some goulashes before you pop on over!”
“Well… Are you in danger?”
Pinkie looked up at Roary and gave him a sheepish smile. “Well… I don’t know about danger, but maybe you’d like to make a new friend?”
“Friend?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah! Roary erm… 'invited' me to his dimension but like… I think he needs some pointers on how to make friends without being too forward…”
“Uh… What he do?” Twilight asked.
“Oh, you know… Tried to teleport me here before asking… Pushed me into a gooey wall that’s slowly covering my legs and body.
“Oh my gosh!” Twilight cried in alarm. “I’ll be right… Wait…” Twilight said hesitantly. “How do you know it’s you and not like… Some bizarre creature mimicking your voice?”
“Oh! Are we playing the ‘tell me something only you would know game?!” Pinkie asked. “Well, you once got so upset about being the shortest alicorn that you tried a growing spell that worked for a bit but then you shrank and became a baby for a while. You once rage quit being Dungeon Master because my bard kept befriending all the monsters you sent against her. Oooo! Oooo! You once consulted with dark spirits because it was chili and the window was open, but you didn’t want to get up.”
“Alright, already!” Twilight cried. “I’m going in!” With a moist squelch, the red membrane of the portal began to stretch and fall away as a horn poked its way into the world. This is was soon followed by the head of Twilight Sparkle and the rest of her as she too appeared. “What the heck is this stuff?” Twilight uttered she extended a wing and watched as some of the semi-translucent goo dripped from it. “Well, I guess I’ll have no problem getting a sample to take home with me and—”
“Twilight!” Pinkie cried out. “You’re being very rude to our host!”
“Huh?” Twilight looked forward and let out a startled yelp at Roary’s massive form as he lumbered above her. “Uh… Hello?” Twilight said.
Pinkie grinned. “That’s Roary!” Twilight jumped slightly as Pinkie’s head suddenly came out from behind her. Pinkie raised a forehoof in between her and Roary as she spoke in a hushed voice to Twilight. “He’s a bit grabby and possessive,” she informed.
“Oh! Well…” Twilight looked up at Roary. “Hello, erm… Roary…” Twilight forced a grin onto her face. “Well, as the Princess of Friendship and on behalf of Equestria, I just want to say it’s an honor and privilege too—”
Roary’s face split open into the five petals of teeth once more as he let out an ear splitting scream and dove towards Twilight.
“AHHH!”
‘ZORT!’
With a glow of her horn and a blast of her magic, Roary slumped to the floor, a smoking hole occupying the space were his head once was.
“Twilight, you murdered Roary!” Pinkie said in a chastising tone.
“But… But… He was going to attack me!” Twilight said.
Pinkie sighed. “Well, I think assault is just how he says ‘hello’ but I guess I can’t be too mad here…” Pinkie said as she cast a suspicious glance at a slithering dark green tendril that appeared from behind the stick goo she was in. “I mean… I think this whole dimension is full of weird things that want to lay eggs in places I don’t want them to go.”
Twilight narrowed her eyes slightly. “How can you tell?”
Pinkie watched as the large worm like creature slithered up towards her muzzle. “Just a hunch based on experience…” The large tuft of pink curls in front of Pinkie’s face suddenly swatted the slithering creature, it let out an animalistic squeal as it fell to the floor and slithered away. “Do you mind getting me unstuck from the wall?”
Twilight gave Pinkie a blank stare, but you were able to…” Twilight trailed off and sighed as she quickly sussed out she was setting herself up for a pointless and irritating conversation. With a purple glow of Twilight’s horn, Pinkie was pulled from her sticky prison and placed on the floor.
“Thanks, Twilight!” Pinkie said cheerfully. She pulled a slightly disgusted face. “This whole dimension is way too forward and not good about asking permission for things.”
“No problem!” Twilight said as she looked over her surroundings in interest. “Well, now that your free we can start exploring and studying this new world!”
“What?!” Pinkie replied. “Twilight, no!”
Twilight frowned. “No? But it’s a new discovery! Who knows what we’ll find?!”
“Twilight, you met Roary and saw that weird ovipositor worm thing! We can’t just run around in here while there’s an open portal in Sugarcube corner.”
Twilight let out a heavy sigh and put on a dejected look. “You’re right Pinkie… I guess it is dangerous… Maybe we should just head out and destroy the portal.”
“What?!” Pinkie once again exclaimed. “I just meant I need to open the bakery, move the portal, and don’t have time to explore with you right now! Maybe we can take a field trip after work! Geez…” Pinkie gave Twilight a small frown. “I like exploring strange shadow dimensions which are a twisted version of our own reality as much as the next pony, but I still have responsibilities!”
“Oh!” Twilight replied as her expression softened. “Well… Can I have the portal then?”
Pinkie shrugged. “I don’t see why not…”
-ooo-
Laying in his basket, Spike awoke frightfully from his slumber and sat upright as flickering lights surrounded him on all side. Sadly for Spike, being woken up in the middle of the night to something unexpected or downright terrifying was nothing new for him. The crystalline walls of his room strobing off and on was certainly new, however.
‘Crunch!’
Not to mention the one of his walls extending towards him as if the heavy substance was actually more like chewed bubblegum being pushed on from the other side.
Spike swallowed as the wall continued to bulge outward. “Twi…Twilight…?” He said tentatively.
The parts of the stretched wall began thin and he could see something with a red… or maybe pink hue underneath.
“Pinkie?”
The wall began to tear and Spike could see patches of red flesh and the tips of black claws.
“… Discord?” Spike said with just a touch of annoyance added to the fear.
Suddenly, the stretched wall fell away from whatever was trying to get through, exposing a strange and massive faceless red creature.
Spike suddenly shot out of his basket and put his back against the furthest wall from the creature. “Stay back!” Spike cried. “Or… Or… I’ll breathe fire on you!”
The creature lumbered forward, extended its claw tipped hands towards the small dragon.
“I mean it!” Spike cried in a near panic. “Get away!”
The creature took a few steps forward and leaned its head closer, the end of it suddenly splitting into five fleshy petals filled with teeth.
‘FWOOOSH!’
The creature let out a pained screech as green fire shot forth from Spike’s mouth and engulfed it. It flailed about and rose to its full height before collapsing to the ground. Almost immediately, its flesh began to flake away and turn to ash as fire hot enough to melt solid metal consumed it wholly.
“Spike!” Twilight’s voice sounded out from nearby in the castle. “Did a giant dimension hopping monster just show up in your bedroom?”
Spike took a deep breath as he just realized he had began to hold his breathing right after he had defended himself.
The flame covered monster writhed about briefly on his floor then went still.
“Yes!” Spike shouted back.
There was a brief pause followed by. “Did you… did you set it on fire?”
“It tried to attack me, Twilight!” Spike shouted back.
“It’s fine!” Twilight shouted back. “I’ve blown up like… three of those things already… I’m hoping to get one alive or at least a bit more intact than the one I got this morning, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time… I’ll just be down later to collect the ashes.”
“Could you do that soon!?” Spike called out. “Setting this thing on fire does not improve the smell of my room at all.”
“You can grab your basket and sleep in my room tonight!” Twilight said.
Spike walked over to his basket and grasped the edge of it with a claw as he turned and headed towards the door. After casting one last weary glance on the ash pile in the middle of his room, he turned and pushed open his door. Spike stepped out into a long crystalline hallway lined with doors identical doors on either side. One such door was slightly ajar as flickering light poured out. Cautiously, Spike walked to the door dragging his basket behind him and opened it.
Inside was several tables covered beakers, bottles, and other types of chemistry equipment sitting on them, almost every cup and container filled with fluids ranging from bright and watery to dull and viscous. Wearing goggles, Twilight used her magic to hold aloof a beaker full of a dark green sludge as she applied a tiny droplet of some clear substance. As the droplet hit the sludge, it began to smoke lightly and Twilight nodded satisfactorily.
Spike looked around noted that random charred limbs, hands, and feet which seemed to have once belonged to the same species of creature that attacked him littered the lab Twilight had set up. He looked up at Twilight. “Are you coming to bed soon? I know how you get with these new discoveries.” Spike shook his head. “You’re going to be up all night if I let you…”
Twilight put down her equipment and picked up a clipboard with her magic before raising a quill and scribbling something on it. “Soon Spike, soon… I’m making some great discoveries here!” Twilight said with a smile.
Both Twilight and Spike froze in place as the lights around them began to rapidly blink. Even the crystals around them seemed to join in.
Spike sighed. “Here we go again.”
Twilight looked around excitedly. “Oh boy! Don’t set this one on fire, Spike! I think I can trap it in a bubble and then I can—”
The blood curdling scream of a mare suddenly sounded out from down the hall. This was followed by a roar, the sound of magic tearing through the air, then then a loud ‘pop’!’”
“Or not,” Spike said shaking his head.
Twilight frowned. “Well, I’ll admit that sounded bad, but we don’t know exactly what happened. Maybe the creature if fi—”
“Twilight!” Starlight called out. “A big weird monster just came out of my wall and tried to attack me!”
“Okay, but is it still alive?!” Twilight shouted back.
“What?!” Starlight called back in disbelief. “Well, unless this species can survive while being split apart at the molecular level and collapsing into a puddle because its cells can no longer maintain their shape, I should say not!”
“Rats!” Twilight exclaimed as a disappointed scowl took over her features.
Spike sighed heavily and shook his head. “Twilight, have you thought about maybe not bringing home strange portals that lead to completely unknown dimensions that could be and often are full of ravenous consumers of flesh?”
Twilight pursed her lips and furrowed her brow at Spike. “I don’t understand the question.”
