Cereal

by Hellice

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Adventure, Human, Comedy, Romance
Length: 7222

Just your classic mentally unstable and crude brony being sent to Equestria by a less stable all powerful being. Hilarity and horror ensues.

Just your classic mentally unstable and crude brony being sent to Equestria

One sunny afternoon, a creep stalks me. There's not much I can do, and what I can is just too much work.
Oh, but call the authorities!
Like I said, it's too much work. And the creep turns out to be an all-powerful god that still creeps. And seems to be some kind of brony, so it's not all bad. Just mostly. The day goes on and shit happens.

Gonna try to stay canon here.
Title is a WIP, just like the description
Rated maybe Teen? for extremely crude humor, sexual innuendos, and other bad stuff.
Part of the Chess Game of the Gods multiverse created by Rust and expanded upon by others. Thanks go to BlackWing for letting me join in on the fun and provision of a large amount of greatly needed writing advice.

DISCLAIMER: This story is purely a work of fiction. All people, places, and events do not represent the real thing. Anything that does become true or resembling truth is purely coincidental.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-06 04:36:36 UTC

1. Bon Voyage!

        Just kidding. The guy who sent me here wasn’t that polite. Definitely not polite enough to wish me well on my travels, give a little supplies to start me off, or even tell me what the hell was going on.

        In reality, it went something like,

Me: “Oh, hi!”

Him: “Off you go!”

*Pop!*

Me: “Oh boy, oh boy, Equestria! Just what I’ve always dreamed of! Thank you magical stranger!”

        In case you didn’t notice, it didn’t actually happen exactly like that. Just mostly. There was a whole lot more creeping and a whole lot less enthusiasm on my part.

        Sparkbuster and I soon went our separate ways at the BronyCon, ‘a place to meet new friends,’ and hopefully none of the creepy kind. I love my life and it’s sense of irony. Just not terrible enough to keep me on the teetering edge of madness.

        At the con, you had the classic participants: the cosplayers walking around in bumbling, stuffy outfits; the ‘just looking around’ people, and the first conners, me included in that group. All I was asking for was a fun week and hopefully not get singled out. Again, I love my life’s sense of irony. It even made my week fall apart on day one! How utterly kind!

        Apparently, that was also as kind as Life was gonna be with me.

        A greeter welcomes me to the con, wearing a overly cheery smile for a guy and sporting a Sombra t-shirt. He had a look that made people both want to stare and look away, with a scraggly half-beard and short, curly hair. A messy greeter, but a greeter nonetheless, standing with two others who are trying, but look miles less enthusiastic.

Huh. This actually seems pretty fancy, if they have greeters and everything. Even if one looks too happy to not be on drugs. Maybe it’s just the Con hype. Sure.

“Welcome!” He says while handing me a brochure, “To BronyCon!”

        “Uh…” I falter for a second as I try to mimic his cheeriness, “Thanks!”

Apparently he wanted to go completely against his Sombra shirt and went full Pinkie Pie instead. He beamed happily at me, and I saw something dark and scary glint in his eyes.

Argh.. I almost cringe, and just barely keep from shivering, That was surprisingly uncomfortable. I hope the rest of this con won’t be so awkward. And he is definitelygoing for a ‘Pinkie Pie’ feel.

        I almost hope he would be stuck doing something that requires less people to meet him and suffer the same fate I did. No, bad thought. MLP is supposed to help me get over that, remember? I tell myself while also promising myself to think badly of no one, at least for the rest of the duration of the con.

        The day flies by. I had only prepared an excess of $200 for free spending, not realizing how expensive things could be. I get these are all custom made, but can’t there be at least somethingbeside candy for less than a dollar? I also had to keep enough of the two hundred to cover any weird emergencies, which I guessed might take around $100. That left me with $100, or $20 per day, and I wanted to make it last. Too bad I wouldn’t be able to spend any of it.

        Pushing my limits, I decide to try to socialize. This is a Con, I tell myself, it's not time to stand in a corner and play with myself (both meanings, in case you were wondering). Then I remember my experience with the greeter. Maybe tomorrow, I resolve.

        I return home at around nine at night, or at least as ‘home’ a hotel room ten stories up and with a broken AC can get. Immediately after I walk in, a knock sounds at the door, which was strange, since there was no one with me on the elevator, or anywhere near me for the past five minutes for that matter.

        “Coming!” I call as I make my way to the door.

        I brace myself as I open the door at what I hoped was a normal pace, fully prepared to duck and disarm the moment I saw a weapon. I grow even more wary as I see who the visitor was.

        “Hey there!” The creepy greeter guy says, the creepy look still in his eyes, however deeply hidden.

        “Hi! What’s up?” I ask, resisting to add in ‘Why the FUCK is your creepy ass at my hotel room?’ and trying my darndest to sound enthusiastic that some weird guy I barely even knew (emphasis onbarely) decided to stalk me and come to my room at 9 in the night.

        “Well, I just realized, I forgot to get your name this morning, and hey!” His eyes light up “you don’t have my name either! We can get to know each other tonight!”

        Trying to keep possible implications of that out of my head and resisting the urge to run, I grimace and try to come up with an excuse capable of making Mr.Creepy go away. Alright, now more than doubly confirmed. This man is Pinkie Pie. Except even weirder.

        “Uhh… It’s kinda late, and I wanna get to sleep early for the con tomorrow. How about we talk there?”

        “No, it’s good. We can talk now, and you can sleep after.”

        The scary look in his eyes intensified and I realized that this may be the night I die. I casually put my hand on the door, prepared to slam it in his face the moment he made any sudden moves. This was getting waaaay to weird for even a con, especially my first one.

        “Hah. Right. So… You wanna start?” I laugh nervously while resolving to stay at home and live a humble life from today on if I was lucky enough to survive.

        “Okay!” He says and perks up even more as he tells me his name.

        “I’m John, but yoooouuu can call me Flash Vector!”

        I nearly scream. Very, very nearly. It was partially the way he said ‘you’ and partially because he just had to make me call him by his own OC name. I shiver, He is most definitely FUCKING INSANE and I am DEFINITELY not coming to another one of these CreepCons.

        “Great. Uhh… Nice to meet you… Flash Vector… I’m...” Shit. I need a bullshit name. ANYTHING to keep this guy from tracking me down. Hmm.. I spot a painting in the hallway behind him. Under it, a table, next to a potted plant. “Uhm.. You can call me TablePaint Pot!” I try for a convincing smile, absolutely proud of my OC name.

        “No it’s not” he states, eyes now scarier more dangerous than ever.

        “Uhhhh…” I say again trying to stall for time.

        “It’s okay if you don’t wanna tell me. I won’t need it for what I’m about to do anyways.”

Okay, that sends his creepy off the charts. Fuck this guy, I wanna survive tonight without any potentially traumatizing experiences. I try to slam the door in the creeps face, but I find that the door won’t move. Further inspection shows me that I am unable to move at the moment. I tried anything and everything, from jumping, to rolling up into the fetal position, to jumping ‘Flash Vector’ and knocking him out.  I could, however, still move my eyes and mouth. My body just didn’t want to move, like my nerve signals weren’t travelling past my neck.

        “Have you ever wanted to go to Equestria?” He asks out of the blue, catching me off guard.

        “Uh, wuh? I mean, yeah, who hasn’t? It’s a freaking utopia.”

        I gave up on trying to move and resorted to trying to stall for whatever precious moments remained of my life before Johnny here dumped me into a river or something.

        “Well,” He smirks “have I got a deal for you.”

        It was at this point that I wondered if Equestria has been some kind of a euphemism for sex and that maybe I should just give up and let him kill me so I would stop hoping for that slim, microscopic hope that this man would simply leave and I would be able to go on my life as usual. Then I realized just how good oxygen smelled and decided to humor him.

“Yeah? What’s that?” I say, hoping my extended silence could pass as me thinking about his offer.

“I can send you there, for a liiiittle, teeeensyy weeensyy price” Holy fuck I think Equestria may as well imply… that. I’m not gonna live am I?

“Depends on the price,” I shrug, but my shoulders don’t move. I settle for a nonchalant look on my face.

“You get to do whatever you want”

That set off any remaining alarm bells in my mind, but then again, there wasn’t anything I could actually do about it.

“Huh. Not bad. What exactly is this ‘Equestria” now?”

He looks surprised. “Why, I thought you were a brony! You don’t know what Equestria is? That famous land of magical ponies we just were talking about? Don’t you mean where?”

Alright maybe I was wrong, I sigh with relief, though I don’t get what this guy is going for. Might as well humor him.

“Sorry, I meant where is Equestria?”

“Are you sure you want to go?”

        “Well, yeah.”

“Great! Now, what do you want to be when you get there?”

… What?

“I dunno, a pony or something”

‘Flash’ sighs dramatically. “So unoriginal! You want to be a pony in a land full of ponies?”

“Well, yeah. I kinda wanna blend in. Human would be fine too, I suppose.”

“I know! I can turn you into a kirin! That looks like a pony! Happy?”

“Sure,” I say, sensing the conversation drawing to a close.

“Excellent. Now, to seal the contract. Take my hand and say you agree to the terms.” His voice suddenly shifts to a formal tone and he hold out his hand for me to shake.

Finding that I can now move my hand, but nothing else, I do what I think will finally put an end to the painful exchange.

“Right. I- uh- agree to the terms of this agreement.”

My hand meets his, and he gives me a rough but firm handshake. Before I can pull away, he pulls me in and grabs my arm then promptly flips me over his shoulder with a solid whump! I lay dazed behind him, and he walks around to my head.

“Have some time. You’ll need it. You’ve wasted so much of mine already.” He says, before adding, “You better be worth it.” He then delivers a kick to my head that somehow sends the rest of my body flying along. The last thing I see is ‘John’ stepping into my room as his face morphs into mine.

2. LSD

        No, I don’t take LSD. I’m just using it as comparison to what I witnessed as I woke up.

‘But- but- if you haven’t taken LSD, how do you know you can compare it to whatever?’**

Shut up.

        I woke up slowly. Blinking sleepily, I stretched myself out, and finding where I was lying to be oddly comfortable, I fell back to sleep. It’s a special skill of mine. The process repeated itself another two times, until the sun began to shine directly into my eyes unbearably.

        Grumbling to myself, I swayed slightly as I got to my legs, still blinking, trying to clear my eyes of moisture clinging to my eyes. I raised my arms to rub the sleep out of my eyes, feeling a bit of resistance, and a blurry pair of hooves enter my field of view. I go ahead and rub my eyes, my priorities perfectly straight and nearly scratch my eyes with the hooves.

        Sighing, I raise my leg instead and give my eyes a rough rub and suddenly stand up straight as I hear a twig crack somewhere in the woods around me. I squinted into the trees around my, looking for the source of the noise.

… wait. Trees? Unless this is some kind of nature hotel… Which was not where I was.* My frown grew deeper as realization slowly dawned. *Wow, that fucking creeper had to kidnap me too, didn’t he. And judging by my cartoonish surroundings, he’s also drugged me. Fucking brilliant.

Trying not to imagine what unspeakable acts ‘Flash Vector’ may be committing while I was supposedly unconscious on my drug trip, I try walking around my clearing in the middle of what looked like the Everfree Forest. I didn’t like it, but whatever drug it was that was making me see Equestria was pretty cool. Even if it was probably being used as some kind of substitute roofie substance.

But…* I bent to examine a bush, *this amount of detail in a hallucination is pretty amazing. And weirdly normal. I still had yet to see the graceful elephant fairy princess prance up to me, as so many of my patients had described in their own drug trips. As I tried to focus onto a leaf and see just how detailed my little drug trip was, I realised there was something in my vision. Right smack dab in the center. It was a wonder I hadn’t seen it already. It was a little nub of a horn and was getting exponentially more annoying as I stared at it.

The fuck..? I pondered sophisticatedly as I stumbled backwards like a cat with a bad stuck on it’s head. *How.. What.. Can I get it off? I took a few swipes at it, hitting my face in the process. *Okay.. Deal with that later then.

I finally took a look at my body. Hooves, long slender legs, scales, a long tail ending with a tuft of fur. Overall, I looked like a thin pony, something like a scaled down Celestia, without the wings and with a more annoyingly placed horn. *Wow.* was all I could think as I looked at myself, which was in itself a first. I was a shade of silvery white, with a similarly translucent shade of purple in the parts of my mane I could see, as well as on the tip of my tail, the shade changing colors as it shifted, catching the sun at different angles. I had what looked like scales scattered around my body, with larger patches on my back and around my legs. My scales were a silver similar to my coat, except for the ones that ran down my spine, which were the same shade of purple as my mane (terminology courtesy of MLP).

Hot damn. This John guy can create controlled drug trips? He said something about kirins and Equestria but holy shit. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts, I guess.* Then my gaze was drawn to the horn in the center of my view. I could do without this thing though. I realised that I could also see most of my nose.. muzzle.. as well. *If I don’t stop, this is gonna become a mental tick.

        Just in time for the timberwolf to finally lose its patience and charge at me.

        Thank God the wolf was either stupid or a pup, ‘cause it charged at me from across the clearing, giving me some precious reaction time, instead of following me around the clearing, waiting until I came near the edge to pounce right onto me.

What a convenient coincidence. Not that I’m complaining.

I ran towards what I hoped was the exit to the Everfree, running towards wherever the canopy seemed thinner. Making sure to watch the ground as I ran as well, having seen enough of the stupid ‘tripping at a vital moment’ cliche about twenty times too many. Thankfully I didn’t run in a circle and end up in the clearing where I started, and I soon ended up at where I assumed should have been the edge of Ponyville. There was nothing, thankfully, because of the lack of trees and potentially life threatening tripping roots/twigs/whatever bullshit trips people these days. I did wonder, though. *I probably just need a map. I’m on the other side of the forest or something.*

I didn’t realise how far I had run, but I was already breathing hard and when I looked back, the timberwolf was nowhere to be seen. However, when I turned my head to look back, it meant I wasn’t looking *forwards.* A cleverly placed hill concealed a lake from my sight and when I stepped over it, my hooves met nothing.

Wha- Oh shi-* “AAAAAAAAHH” I cried out as I tumbled head over heels in the air, falling into the water with a terrific *SPLASH! Hooves, I soon found, were not the best at treading water. As I floundered around helplessly in the water, kicking desperately, animals had begun to peek out of their dens to look at the commotion.

“HELP M-” *BLUB.*I came up coughing and spluttering, desperately trying to paddle to shore with my useless hooves. The animals just watched with interest at the stupid pony-looking thing that couldn’t even swim, and yet still decided to jump into the water.

After another minute of flapping around in the water like a drowning fish, I realised that I was in no real danger, like a drowning fish. If I stood on my hind legs (which wasn’t hard with the water reducing what body weight I had, and because I was a human, duh) I could just barely reach the river bottom with my back hooves. I slowly ‘walked’ over to the closest bit of land I could see and immediately collapsed onto the muddy bank. I sank slightly into the soft ground, and it felt *good.* A lot better than drowning, at least. Breathing hard, I gave the ground a long hard kiss (no, I didn’t use my tongue. What the hell?) and filled my mouth with a healthy helping of mud.

        The mouthful of dirt did nothing to help by shortness of breath and I began spitting it out and dunked my head into the lake to rinse out the dirt, which tasted like any normal mouthful of sand, despite the bright colors. When I finished washing my mouth out, I pulled my head back out of the water to prevent another embarrassing ‘drowning incident. As my head came out of the water, I saw the rippled reflection of my head in the water.

No time like right now to explore my body,* I reasoned. Waiting until the lake settled, my attention was immediately directed at the two antlers sprouting from the back of my head. What am I, a pony triceratops? Between my nose-horn and my pair of antlers I officially had three horns. *I’ll bet that there’s a triceratops club somewhere around here… My eyes were still the same as back in the human world, a brown dark enough to look black, with a slight contrast. There wasn’t much remarkable about my face. I had a patch of scales around my horn which I could see anyways if I crossed my eyes.

Making a mental note to find one later, I decided to gather my bearings. The animals that had watched so cruelly when I almost drowned were nowhere to be seen. *Musta’ run off when I got out. Probably thought I was going to eat them or something. Speaking of, what do magical triceratops ponies eat? I studied the grass. Hmm.. Couldn’t hurt to try. Feel like I’m going to regret this though..*

The grass was surprisingly okay. It was nowhere near delicious, but it was good to know I could at least get food easily wherever I was. I still didn’t buy the Equestria shtick, but I also didn’t have much of any other explanation. *Not sure drug trips can get this vivid, to the point of almost drowning me. Huh. Wonder if I can even die anymore.*

        Turning my mind away from such morbid thoughts, I take a quick drink of water and begin to roam the grassland. It was useless, however, and my thoughts soon wander again. What can I say? Being alone left me with nothing better to do.

If I* am *in fact in Equestria, of all places, then where are the ponies? Where’s everything, for that matter? Not a single cutesy pastel building in sight. Why? I stop to take a look around. Nada. Zilch. Zippo. I was in the middle of nowhere.

No Ponyville… Canterlot? I don’t know any other Equestrian cities beyond that. Oh wait, Manehattan. But I won’t be seeing* that*from the middle of freaking nowhere.

An iconic mountain catches my eye. *The iconic mountain, in fact. The one where Canterlot was… supposed to be. Hahahahahaha just when I had my hopes up. I knew it. Nothing could be this perfect. Figures. Life, man you are just so* funny.

Then I remembered something just before I appeared here. I was having a strange dream with flying whales and Trump as president, yelling at the whales and threatening to deport them, making them pay for it. Before that, though, I recalled my conversation with ‘John.’ “Have some time, you’ll need it” he’d said. Did he… No. He did, didn’t he. That’s wicked cool. Holy damn. He didn’t just send me to Equestria it seemed. He also sent me back in time. *Unless I’m in a drug-induced coma in the back of his big white van...*

Without any iconic landmarks to guide me along, I was as lost as I could get in a whole different world than the one I was used to. *This is how I die, I guess. If I can die. Might actually just wake up, if this was all just a crazy drug trip. Don’t wanna risk it though.*

Severely in need of a reference point, I thought hard. *Train tracks.. Nope. Cloudsdale? I don’t even have wings. Appleloosa? Too far away, from what I remember. Does it even exist yet? Wait. Something old is all I need to find, right?*

Well, yeah.

How about… The Castle of the Two Sisters!

Back in the Everfree?

...Well, where else can it be.

I see a few problems with this plan.

I do too, but I also see the merits of this brilliant plan.

Like what?

Like we have no other idea what to do.

Damn.

I stopped suddenly, realising I was talking, or rather thinking, to myself again.

Man, I am lonely.

Tell me about it.

I roughly shook my head and made my way back into the Everfree Forest.

3. Journey

        Making my way back into the Everfree was surprisingly harder than getting out. With no significant landmarks to rely on, getting lost was easier than not. The only difference was in lighting, which I assumed got darker as I traveled farther inwards.

        Trudging along, I discovered that my hooves didn’t actually seem to touch the forest floor. It was strange. I could still feel the ground (somehow through my hooves) though I didn’t leave any tracks, and I seemed incapable of stepping on things too close to the ground, such as crunching leaves and thin twigs that could go snap! at crucial moments. I recalled what ‘John’ said I would be when he sent me to Equestria, a story that was becoming increasingly convincing. After a few moments of thought, I remembered what John had claimed. A word stood out to me. The name of a creature in one of the silly games I played years ago, Puzzle & Dragons. It was a puzzle based (duh) RPG style game, and one of the monsters that you could get was a kirin, though the name was a bit different (Incarnation of Kirin, Sakuya). Seeing as I wasn’t a hot anime girl (dammit), I didn’t really have much to go off of.

Kirin. Whatever that is, I seem to be one. I ducked to avoid a low hanging branch and hiked on, tripping on a root. Apparently I didn’t leave tracks with only my hooves. My face left a nice clear imprint of the fool who wasn’t watching where they were going on the damp forest floor.

Spitting dirt, I got back to my feet/hooves. Walking had left me with nothing better to do than to think. However, I got so absorbed in my own thoughts, I didn’t realise when I had wandered off track. Initially, I had planned to walk in a straight line to the castle. And now look where I am. Great.

I was surrounded by trees, because I was in a forest. One of the trees stood out though. It was in the way I supposed lead into the center of the forest, with darker shadows and more ominous noises emanating from the general direction. The special tree seemed to have a glow to it, and a walk around to the other side of the tree quickly revealed it to be a tree hut, like Zecora’s. It obviously wasn’t Zecora’s, however. It lacked the tribal masks and strange potions. It also lacked a zebra.

Peeking in through one of the window, I spotted a pony with a coat of blue so light it was almost white, something akin to Snowdrop’s (you know her). The pony’s mane, however contrasted with its coat, being a dark shade of blue streaked with purple and hints of red. It’s cutie mark depicted a star with waves behind it and sparkles all contained inside a flat-bottomed pan, the waves and star like some kind of astral bacon and eggs. The pony seemed to be cooking, picking ingredients off of a shelf next to it with a purple-blue aura. The pony’s build revealed it to be a she, though I could be wrong. It certainly wasn’t Big Mac, though. She hummed a wordless tune as she cooked, swaying her body to the melody.

But the most prominent feature was the smell. Suddenly, I was hungry, and I wanted nothing more than to barge in there and take the food, no matter the cost. The grass on the forest floor just wasn’t as good as a classic home-cooked meal. I was about to knock on the door to the tree-den when I hesitated. What if she’s an evil enchantress… That’ll put me in trances… And if I look into her eyes.. Okay no more. The food smells too good to pass up, anyways.

Is it worth your life?

Yes.

I knocked. A surprised eep! came from the other side, followed with a plop as something large was dropped into the pot. I heard the clip-clop of hooves approach the door, and the door creak open. A navy-blue eye peered out.

“Hello?”

“Oh, um.. Hey there! I smelled the food, and uh..” Shoot. I can’t just ask her to give me, a complete freaking stranger, food. Great job, me. What next?

“Oh, but you must be starving! Especially if you could be attracted by my cooking.”

A good natured laugh followed that made even me grin. The door swung open the rest of the way to reveal a unicorn mare wearing a brilliant smile. Having nothing to say to that, I smiled graciously and walked in, making sure to wipe myself off outside first.

My jaw dropped as I walked in. “It’s bigger.... On the inside?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, your house didn’t exactly look this big from the outside.”

“So..?”

“Hmm. Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

“Okay then.” She answered with somewhat of a nervous smile.

The inside was indeed bigger than the outside, though the difference was barely noticeable. I estimated the outside diameter was only at about 200 meters, while inside it looked around 250 to 300 meters in diameter. While that was strange, it was even stranger the way that my host mare had just waved it off, as if differences in space were normal.

Which reminds me…

“I’m sorry, but I seem to have forgotten to ask for your name. I hope you will forgive me.”

The mare laughed again, though this time dismissively. She sure loved to laugh.

“It’s quite fine. I don’t have visitors often anyways, so manners sort of go out the window. The folks back home called me The Gypsy, but you can call me Terra. Terra Lulamoon. What’s your name?”

Her introduction was tinged with sadness, while not lost to me, was eclipsed by the other revelation that came with her name. I tried not to stare. Lulamoon? As in Trixie Lulamoon? A distant ancestor? I had never liked Trixie as a character. To me, she simply looked like a character who boasted with nothing to back herself up with. A silly wanna-be. Someone whose ego had grown faster than their IQ.

I’m in the past now. I can change things. I can make it so that Trixie was never born, either by killing this mare, or saying just the right words so that she will never have children.

But what will happen then? As far as I can tell right now, everything is as it should be. What if I change something and the future is disrupted? What will happen if-

“Umm… Sir? Are you awake?” Pan stared at me with a mix of concern and fear. Endearingly, the majority of her expression showed concern.

“Ha. Sorry” I gave my head a light shake. “Only half. Awake, that is” I added when her face showed confusion.

“Ha-ha. Funny. You still haven’t answered my question.”

        “You can call me…” I trailed off.

Wow. I don’t know what to say. Do I tell her my real name? Will she be suspicious? How does the naming around here even work? Is she even supposed to know? What could it cause?

Terra started to look impatient, so I decided on the safest path I could think of. A fake name, maybe even an alter ego. A nom de guerre. But what? My eyes scanned the room.

Think, quick! Ponies’ names consist of usually two words, while any one of the two can be a conjunction of words, they usually include adjectives somewhere. FlutterSHY, RAINBOW Dash, Twilight SPARKLE. Oddities still exist, such as Rarity, a single word name and not a conjunction, and an adjective. Names also pertain to the character. Rainbow Dash is fast, Fluttershy is, well shy. What do I have? Antlers, and an annoying nub of a horn right in front of my eyes. Nub of a horn. Nubhorn? Damn, that’s just plain bad. But I have nothing else.

“You know, if you didn’t want to tell me, you didn’t have to-”

        “Nubhorn. Yes, that’s my name. Took me a while to remember it, sorry.”

        “What- How do you forget your own name?” she asked, looking flabbergasted. You know the look that only ponies seemed to be able to pull off? Yeah, that one.

        “I’ve been traveling alone for a while, okay?” Which was true, though only for a short while.

        “Huh” she huffed. “Well, you might as well fill yourself up and begone then.”

        Her rapid change in demeanor was a surprise. Her voice was tinged with anger and a bit of sadness, none of which would have been evident unless you knew what to look for. Her frowning face and downcast eyes revealed that my assumptions weren’t wrong.

Wow, I winced. Was I really offensive? Are names really that important?

Well duh. She’s your host. She’s obliged to know who she lets in and out of her house.

A bowl of stew was held up to me in that purple-blue aura of hers and placed onto a nearby table. I followed the delicious food.

        Before I could dig in, a twinge of guilt held me back. Here I was, a guest who had just irritated their gracious host, and I was about to eat her food. Free food too. She didn’t even to ask me to go on a quest or clean up for her or something. Screwing up the courage, and whatever scarce word I could think of into an apology, I opened my mouth.

        “Look. I’m sorry. I think we both know that Nubhorn isn’t my real name. However, names have power, and as a wanderer, I’ve been trying to be free. I apologize.”

        She glared at me a while before replying. “I told you my name. I don’t see how this is fair, seeing as you now have ‘power’ from knowing my name and I still don’t know yours. But.” Her glare softened, “I can understand how you feel. I wandered here myself, and built this home all alone. I’ve felt the freedom you have before, but manners are always worth something.”

        “Again, I have to say I’m sorry. I can forget your name if you want, but my name is something a little too personal for me to share.”

        Her eyes softened some more, with a hint of amusement in them. “Well, it's fine I guess. Keep your name, and keep mine while you’re at it. I don’t mind. I also don’t mind that I’ll have nothing to call you from now on but Nubhorn.” She said the last part with a teasing tone. To my credit, I took it in stride.

        “Well, Terra, it does seem so. It will be a name hard to forget, for this is the nubbiest of horns within miles.” I gave her a mock bow. “Deer of the nubbed horn, Nubhorn at your service.” If I could keep my name from her, keeping my.. Species a secret won’t hurt. What she doesn’t know, she can’t miss.

        Terra giggled at my bow and returned it, with her own introduction. “It is indeeed an honor, dear deer Nubhorn.”

        I grinned at that. “Well played. I don’t think I can follow anything up to that.”

        “Don’t bother. I often find I simply too smart for most ponies. And deer, it seems.”

        “Yeah, yeah. It must be because of that bloated head of yours.”

        “Why, me? Surely not!”

        I promptly spat out the broth in my mouth I was drinking and choked as the soup entered my windpipes which had opened from my laughter.

        Terra got up, a worried expression on her face, mingled slightly with laughter and a certain degree of smugness.

“Are you okay?” she asked as she gave my back a solid thump!

        I raised a hoof, signaling that I would be fine. After another half-minute of coughing, I had finally recovered enough to speak again. Afterwards, we sat across from each other at the simple table in contented silence. Every so often, I stole a glance at Terra to make sure I wasn’t unintentionally snubbing my host. She wore a satisfied smile as she stared out a window.

~

The day went on as we occasionally chatted until I felt that I had already spent too long in one place. Over the hour or so I had spent there, I had fully rested and eaten my fill in that delicious stew of hers. I wait a moment and broke the silence.

“While I have enjoyed your company immensely, it is time for me to go.I want to make it to the Castle of Two Sisters before sundown.” It was already high noon, the harsh midday sun’s rays barely reaching through the thick canopy.

        “What?” Her mood suddenly reversed. “I- I thought-”

        I was stunned for a second, then immediately felt guilty. From the looks of it and from what she said, she had been living all alone for a while now, with no company save for the occasional monster. But I can’t stay.

Why not? A part of me asked.

I- Well, I have things to do. If this is indeed Equestria, I want to see the world. Travel every nook and cranny. It is ancient Equestria, anyways. I want to see what I can do, and while I cannot prevent the Trixie problem, I would like to stop others from plaguing the Mane Six. I want to leave a mark, no matter how small.

Then let her have a happy last few moments. Yet I still have to leave soon. If I stay a night to keep her company, she would become too attached. Heck, I would too.

Two outcomes here. I stay or I leave. Oh boy. I want to leave, but I don’twant to make her feel bad. That means I can either make her glad to have me leave, or I can leave with a ‘happy farewell,’ however it is that people do that. This isn’t gonna be easy, is it?

“Don’t misunderstand. I appreciate all the help.You probably saved me from death-by-starvation back there and I can’t thank you enough. It’s just that I want to explore the world. I come from a distant land, as a.. deer.. I would like to explore Equestria, see the sights.” I took a deep breath afterwards, in what would have looked like a convincing distressed sigh. A weak excuse, but hopefully still semi-convincing.

        She looked at me with sad eyes. Yet she still smiled, however sadly. “I guess there’s no convincing you otherwise. I know a determined look when I see one. Had one myself, actually. That was years ago.” Her gaze turned from the ground to me. “The least I can offer is to guide you to the castle. After all, the Castle of Two Sisters, while far away, is still part of this forest. I’ve even seen it a few times, back when I was looking for a place in the forest I could settle.”

        I looked into her eyes, stunned at how willing she was to help. Her determination shown in her eyes, and I was amazed at how this mare pretty much offered her life to lead me through the Everfree for Pete’s sake. I didn’t even ask her to. I considered convincing her otherwise, but decided not to. She knew what she was doing. I could see all that and more in her eyes. I knew there was no talking her out of it, she already knew the dangers. Heck, she lived in danger.

        I could in bow my head in thanks, “It honors me that you would be willing to risk so much-”

        “Ah, shove it. I haven’t been out in a while anyways” She interrupts me with a grin, “It wouldn’t hurt to get me some fresh air anyways.”

        I look at her open windows, but decide to stay quiet.

        “Besides, seeing as you somehow managed to stumble all the way to my house, it looks like you don’t know your way around here.”

        “Once again, I appreciate the offer, but-”

        “I’m going.” She states this with a slight amount of annoyance in her voice. That’s the end of that discussion, it seems.

        “Uh. Thanks.”

        With nothing else to say, we set out.

~

        “Supplies?” Terra snorts, “We are herbivores. In a forest. The castle is only about an hour’s walk from here anyways. Why would you need supplies?”

        “I don’t know,” I admit, “but maybe we should have brought something. Like weapons, freshwater, or a first-aid kit”

        “First-aid? What’s that?” She tilts her head questioningly.

        “A healing kit of sorts.” I say, berating myself for the slip-up. Drug trip or not, I have no idea what that revelation will cause. Humans and zombies might start springing out of the ground, or Terra might just stare at me like I was crazy and I would lose my guide.

        “Never heard it called that before.”

        I give a nervous laugh. “Yeah, I guess it’s just deer slang.”

        “Well, you guys are weird.”

        “Why? The name makes sense.”

        “Sure the aid part does, but where does first come in?”

        “First refers to it being the first thing you use to cover up a wound or something similar. The aid is obvious, and it is usually all contained in a carry-around kit, because we don’t have magic, hence the kit part.”

        “Huh. Still weird though.”

        “Yeah, yeah, keep talking” Then a thought returns to me. “Even though the name is weird, it doesn’t excuse the fact that we don’t have one”

        “We’ll manage.” Was her only reply.

        Staring at her incredulously, I trip over a particularly large stone on the ground.

“We’ll manage?” I pick myself up and protest. “Is that how you’ve lived in the Everfree all these years? By managing?”

She just shrugs in response. “We’re at the river.”

The sudden change in subject causes me to look over. The river that the mane six had crossed so long ago in the second episode of MLP stood before me. Without a flamboyant purple leviathan to stir up the river, the water was surprisingly calm. According to the midday sun, the river flowed smoothly from West to East, where it would empty off into an ocean who knows where. Lacking the giant sea snake, the water was, however, still quite murky, to the point where the bottom wasn’t visible. In fact, I couldn’t see past about two feet into the water.

With no way to judge the depth and my previous encounter with water in mind, I wasn’t too eager to dive on in and paddle to the other side. Terra obviously had no problem with it, as she immediately jumped into the water with a splash, a large amount of which managed to hit me, and paddled across. Once on the other shore, she looked around in confusion and spotted me on the opposite bank.

“Water (what are) you waiting for?!” She yelled across to me.

“I can’t swim!” I hollered back.

“What?!”

“I! Can’t! Swim!”

“WHO SAYS YOU NEED TO SWIM?! THE WATER ISN’T EVEN DEEP!”

At this point my throat was horse (hoarse, haha get it?) and I decided that drowning would actually end the throat torture faster than continued ‘conversation.’ Testing the river with a hoof, which worryingly couldn’t touch the bottom, I steeled myself and jumped in.

I panicked for a second, kicking my hooves and flailing uselessly around in the water, though my legs soon found purchase in the river bottom. The river was similar in depth to the pond I had encountered hours back, my entire length barely able to reach from surface to bottom. Using my forelegs for balance, I slowly waddled my way to shore.

“You can’t swim?” Terra asks me the moment I reach the other shore. She wore an amused smile on her face, though she winced a little, probably from a throat sore from yelling.

“I can’t exactly tread water with hooves like this, can I?”

She starts to laugh, but soon breaks down coughing. It makes sense, since she had lived alone most of her life, she probably couldn’t take too much yelling. As a psychologist, I normally spoke in a quiet calming tone, but yelling was a challenge. We both took a long drink of the cool river water to soothe our aching throats. The murkiness didn’t really matter with throats as dry as ours.

“Let’s.. Not do that again.” Terra says between coughs.

“Yeah.” A thought hits me. A stroke of inspiration between hacking coughs. “Maybe it won’t hurt to just magick me over next time?”

“Oh.”

We simultaneously facehoof, a dull thunk sounding through the forest.