There comes a time in everyone's life where they have to stop and wonder; "Why the hell did this happen to me?" Well, that same thought is currently running through a certain human's mind as he is chased by quadrepedal ice golems in a frozen wasteland, whereas mere hours ago he was drinking punch at a party with his friends...

MERE HOURS AGO FLASHBACK

Dempson was on a roll, chugging cup after cup of the red punch while his opponent did the same. People all around him, be they guys sweaty from dancing, or girls who wanted a show, chanting "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" whilst cheering with each cup finished. Just one more and he'd finally win the competition...

But luck was not with him.

The opponent stood up, placing his final cup on the gigantic stack of empty ones, as people all around them cheered. The Derpy Hooves T-Shirt strained to keep in the chubby belly of this "Brony," and Dempson couldn't help but sneer at it.
"I am the Pope of Punch!" Said Brony shouted, much to the amusement of the crowd, before they all dispersed to find other means of entertainment. That statement though, gave Dempson an idea. You see, not only was he steamed for losing the competition, he was steamed for losing to a Brony of all things. As such, he formulated the perfect revenge prank...

FAST FORWARD EXACTLY 1.73 HOURS

Dave was having a good day. He beat some hater anti-brony in a punch drinking competition, and he did it without his lucky Rainbow Dash hat. Sometimes fate does smile at you.

Then that smile turns into a grin as it stabs you in the back.

Just as Dave walked through a door, a bucket of punch, the same kind he just filled up on, rained down on him, drenching both him and his favorite shirt. He flung his hair to the sides to keep it from his eyes and looked for the culprit amidst the pointing and laughing teens, only to turn around to see a swarm of My Little Pony figurines flung at him. Trying to dodge out of the way, he slipped and fell...

Right into a carefully placed slice of pie.

When he got to his feet, his face was red and his eyes screamed wrath and murder. Said eyes fell upon the unlucky prankster who did this to him.

Dempson was giggling like a madman, up until the pie-faced, punch-drenched, pissed off Brony socked him square in the jaw, and then stomped on his face.

Unconsciousness was immediate.

Now Returning to the Frozen Wasteland

Dempson kept running. The skeletal horses kept chasing him. These golems of ice and bone had been doing this for hours now, and he was feeling it. If he didn't find refuge soon, he'd succumb to fatigue and die.
"What do you want from me?!" He screamed again, "Leave me the hell alone, damnit!"
"Chrzzclikarz" One of the abominations replied, almost grinning as they started to catch up.

Dempson saw his refuge. A cave, with many icicles hanging from it's roof. He bolted for it, and just as the golems reached the entrance, he threw a rock at one of the hanging pillars of ice, causing a chain reaction of sharpened liquid to bear down on the golems.

Finally able to rest, he leaned against a wall and thought about the town he saw nearby. "Maybe they can help me?" He wondered as he drifted off to sleep. "Maybe I can go home..."

Two Years Later...

The Monster was at it again.

Sergeant Dusty Trails, alongside Privates Gleaming Sword and Iron Wall, pursued the creature for the third time that month. It seemed to have taken a liking to their town, unfortunately, and came on late nights like these to either terrorize locals or steal their food, sometimes at the same time.

"But not today, creature," Dusty thought, for the Princess had come to detain this aberration and finally put the town of Fillymanjaro at ease, knowing the Monster of Shadows, the terror that has been stalking towns and cities across Equestria, was behind bars.
Sadly for the poor pony, and all the ponies of Equestria, that day wouldn't be the day...

Dempson was at it again.

He was being chased by three of those damnable pony guards for the third time that month. He just came in hoping to get some food, but no. Of course the damned locals of this town were ballsier than the others, and couldn't stay in their houses while he picked up any scraps they left behind. Of course the damned guards had to come and try to poke him with those glorified toothpicks of theirs, so he had to run every time. He saw what they were planning a few nights ago, so he knew they were smarter than the ponies in the other towns. They were bringing some sort of royal Uni-sus to try and catch him. Unfortunately for them, their plan would be stopped by Dempson himself.
Just like the last two-hundred-sixty-five times, counting the plans in other cities he'd been to. Just a routine getaway, right?

Princess Celestia was having a good day.

She was waiting at the end of the path that three guards were ushering the creature through, and trying not to scream to the heavens of rejoicing salvation. The "Monster of Shadows," as it had come to be called, has terrorized the countryside of the Frozen Wastes for the past two years. Finally, she had been able to untangle the red tape of politics and do something about it. Once the creature was in sight, she would cast an immobilization spell, and then put the creature to sleep and bring it to Canterlot to be studied, and thus determine both what manner of creature it was, and what it bodes for Equestria. As Celestia saw light from the guard's lanterns coming rapidly down the path, she prepared the spell...

Dempson veered right, away from where the Uni-sus was placed, and ran into the forest. The single unicorn of the team that was chasing him fired beams of magic from their horn, frying the ground around him but not actually connecting.

Then the excrement hit the rapidly oscillating blades.

The Uni-sus charged at Dempson, a spell prepared on it's horn. He could hardly react at the sudden blast, and then...
Sleep...

Princess Celestia powered down her horn, seeing the creature fall unconscious. She quickly turned towards the guards.
"Thank you, gentlecolts, for assisting in the capture of this monster. I will see to it you are compensated justly," She said, surprising the three guards. One of them coughed into his hoof, while another nudged the third.
"With all due respect, Princess," the third guard, a unicorn, said, "It was you who caught the creature. We were just doing our jobs."
A conversation and a spell later, the Princess was gone with the creature in tow.

Dusty Trails turned to his brothers-in-arms, "Wanna go get a drink?" He said, his horn lighting up and three bottles of hard cider floated in the air. The Pegasus and the Earth Pony looked at eachother before intoning simultaneously, "We can drink to that."

Author's Note

This is it! My first published story! Thanks go to The Oracle for being co-author. Check out his side of the story
->here!<-
Criticism appreciated, chapters will be released when possible.