Princess Aurora

After a few days stay at the hospital, Dash was now living with Twilight and Spike since nobody wanted to risk anything. Twilight was worried first that Dash wouldn't like the idea of living in a castle again, just after what happened.

Dash was almost fully colored again and her magic never activated itself again, yet. She wasn't sure if she should be relieved or worried. But she didn't care so much, since there were more important things right now...

They still had to explain everything to Spike and the others...

"You still don't want to eat anything?"

She shook her head.

"Dash you're going to starve!"

"I'm just not hungry..."

"You haven't eaten in Days!"

Dash got up and left the table. Twilight sighed.

"What's Her problem? I know that she isn't eating much anyway, but this is redicolous!"

"I wish I knew, Spike...I wish I knew..."

Since Twiligt was lost about what was going on with Rainbow, she hit the books again. Everything about psychology, Pegasi behavior and Pegasi anatomy. She didn't leave the library so often anymore, kept reading day and night.
On the next day Dash was finally flying a bit again. She even ate a pancake, after Twilight wouldn't stop pleading her, but that's it.

That night, Twilight came to the depression chapter of her psychology book.
Meanwhile Dash laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She just wouldn't fall asleep anymore. She already got trouble sleeping with the nightmares about what happened to her in the Canterlot castle many years ago. She sighed and got up, walking around in her room.

She felt so lost, so empty. She didn't feel any emotion anymore. She wouldn't talk to anypony about anything. Why bother her friends with her problems..?

She walked over to her window, staring into the night sky. They would come one day. They would take her back again. They would continue this torture.

She felt tears in her eyes.
She had to do something. For some reason she wanted to climb out of the window. The fall should be deep enough to kill her.

Kill her?

Why was she thinking like that?

Why did it feel so.. right?

She breathed in shakily, tears streaming down her face. She wished Twilight would wrap her arms around her right now...but somehow she just wanted to be alone...
The nagging feeling to hurt herself was driving her insane. It felt like her soul was cut in several pieces. She looked around in her room. Of course. Twilight had made everything save. Or she just didn't have any sharp things.

Then she got an idea.

She opened her door, checking if the coast was clear. She was glad she could see in the dark so well, since she was a Pegasus.
She went down the stairs. She still wasn't used to them though. She had wings, but didn't really feel like flying. To her luck, she slipped with a fore hoof and fell on the stairs. She was biting back the yelp and tried to get on her hooves again. She felt a siring pain in her back leg.
Must have strained it...Urgh I hate stairs!
She finally got onto her hooves and walked into the bathroom carefully. She searched in every cabinet for anything sharp. Of course, the kitchen would be a better place, but then she would have to pass the library door and she really didn't want to get caught. As she was touching in one of the cabinets with her hoof, she shrieked back.

GAAAH!!! Hoof file!!!

The clattering sound of the file falling on the floor made Twilights ears perk up. She put the book on the floor and walked as silently as she could. She heard something open and close several times and grunts and sighs in disappointment coming from the bathroom. She opened the door a bit so she could stick her head through and see what was going on.

"Rainbow?"

She caused the Pegasus to jump.

"YAAAAH!!"

She slammed the cabinet shut and sat herself as if nothing happened.

"What are you doing? Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"I..couldn't sleep...and shouldn't you be sleeping too?!"
Suddenly Dashs voice rose up in an angry tone.

"Calm down. I just wanted to know what you were doing in here."

"I...I...I..uh..."
Her eyes wandered in the room. Not that Twilight could see it so much.

"I juss... I just wanted to wash my hooves."

"Wash your..hooves?"

"Yeah.. they um... were sweaty.. yeah."
Twilight didn't believe her, but she knew she wouldn't get a real answer from her. Dash walked back to her room. Gladly Twilight didn't notice that she had been hurt thanks to the darkness.
Twilight went back to her book.

Dash was still tortured by the feeling to harm herself. Out of pure desperation, she opened her right wing and ripped out some of the smaller feathers. She had a lot of them, Twilight wouldn't notice. The pain didn't last long. A few drops of blood were pouring down her feathers.

Darn it I forgot about that part!

She started licking her blood from her wing. Once the bleeding stopped she folded her wing back to her side. She just shoved the lose feathers under the bed. She felt so much calmer. She hopped on her bed, curled into a ball and finally fell asleep.

Over the next two days it went on like this. Dash was at least eating a bit again, probably thanks to her nightly feather ripping. It got worse. She did it now on both wings, since her right one didn't have so many small ones anymore and she couldn't do it on the outside or somepony would notice. Still, she even did it with a few big ones. The bleeding lasted longer thanks to her actions. She didn't even care about licking the blood anymore. She shoved bloodied feathers under the bed. It hurt her to move her sore, half-way naked wings, so she kept them closed over the day.
The next day Spike and Twilight would have their clean up day, and the castle was a bit of a mess. To make it more comfortable, and so she wouldn't stay in their way, Twilight had the idea that Dash would stay the day with Applejack. They haven't seen any of their friends since Canterlot, and maybe Applejack could cheer Dash up a bit so she would fly again.

At Sweet Apple Acres, they were met by Applejack and Applebloom arguing. A rare scene, considering they are more like a team than sisters.

"Um...hi?"

"Twilight! It's so good to see you home again!"

Since Applejack turned her attention to the new guests, Applebloom turned and ran off to her clubhouse.

"What was going on with you two? I've hardly ever seen you two having a fight.."

"Argh, that gal wanted to get 'er cutie mark for pig milking!"

"You can milk pigs?"

"No."

"Oh.."

"So..you got a reason ta come by? Sorry Ah dun wanna sound mean or anythin'."

"Oh, right. Yes, I do have a reason."

She looked around. She could have sworn Dash had been behind her on the way, even though she was walking kinda slowly. She still didn't know about her leg. She asked her once when she payed more attention to it, but Dash just shrugged it off. Said that Twilight would be so wrapped up in her books that she was imaginating things.

"Rainbow?"
Finally they spotted the Pegasus walking towards them.

"Howdy RD! Long time no see! How have ya been?"
Applejack greeted her with a warming smile. The Pegasus glanced downwards, away from the farm pony, head hanging low. Applejacks smile faded.

"Is...there somethin wrong?"

"Can we come in?"

"Of course!"

Inside the farm house, Dash was set upstairs into the guest room. Twilight found it a better idea to have her out of this conversation. She and Applejack were talking at the kitchen table.

"So, what's goin on with Dash?"

"She's...well...not very...happy at the moment. You see...there were...um...really..."

"Twi jes spit it out."

"There were very ugly circumstances and she doesn't want to fly. She isn't eating anything for days, I don't know what to do anymore..."
Applejack was stunned.

"Well, I thought maybe you could, cheer her up a little bit, make her fly again, while Spike and I are cleaning the castle."

"You don't have ta ask! I'd do anythin for a friend! Especially a friend in need!"

"Thank you Applejack."

"It's nothin."

"So... about Applebloom?"

"What about 'er."

"Applejack, I can see that you're still angry at her. You wanna talk about it?"

"Fine..."

Meanwhile, Dash was getting bored. What was taking them so long? Twilight said she would only tell her that she was going to stay here for the day...
She got up from the bed and silently walked down the stairs, wincing a bit as she felt her strained leg again. She heard yelling about somepony being too stupid to think things through. She came closer to the kitchen door, carefully not to be seen or heard.

"Why does she always have ta be so plain stupid?!"

"Applejack..don't talk about her like that. I thought you were sisters!"

"Well, ah thought that too."

"Applejack..."

"No. That gal is only making problems!"

Dash had tears in her eyes and she ran back upstairs into the guest room, ignoring the pain in her leg.

"Applejack, you know how little sisters are. She just wants to get her cutie mark."

"Yeah, ah know.."

Dash stared through the window outside. Her friends hated her. She sighed. Then she looked at a tree and got an idea. She went back down and searched for a rope. Big Mac found her as she was still empty hooved.

"Need anythin'?"

"A rope."

Twilight was leaving Sweet Apple Acres. She and Applejack waved their goodbyes.

"Thanks again Twilight!"

"No problem Applejack! I wish I could stay longer but I think Spike could use some help with the clean up."

"It's a'right. Ah think ah might be able to get Dash to flying again."

"Hopefully. That would be great."

Big Mac was pacing around. Something was wrong. Why did it feel so wrong to let her go with the rope...what did she need it for...

"Heya big fella, why so antsy?"

"Applejack. Ah think there's somethin wrong!"

"What's goin on, big brother?"

"Your friend asked for a rope. She hadn't come back yet."

"A rope? What would she need a rope for?"

"Ah dunno. A have a bad feelin 'bout this, sis.."

Meanwhile Twilight was cleaning up downstairs as a yelp coming from upstairs made her break the vase she had been cleaning with her magic.

"AAAAAAHH! SWEET CELESTIA!!!"

"Spike! Even if Dash isn't around, do you Really have to mention that name?!"

"Just get here and look at THIS!!"

Twilight raised an eyebrow but complied. She went upstairs into Dashs room.
Then she saw what he meant. A big bunch of blue feathers with blood laid in front of the bed, as Spike must have shoved them from under it.

"Rainbow..."

"For a second I thought there laid her wings..."

"Oh no.."

"What? It's no wonder she won't fly! Her wings must be naked."

"Not that. I've read that in depression they won't eat and can't sleep and aren't happy. They don't care about anything or anyone. So they get kind of insane and harm themselves, if not kill!"

"WHAT?! Wait, what's depression? Can you catch it too?!"

"No, you can't. I first thought about Dash falling into one but shrugged it off... Oh my gosh...I need to get back to Rainbow Dash..."

"What about this?"

"Just continue with other rooms!"

She grabbed a feather with her magic and stormed back to Sweet Apple Acres. She crashed through the front door, startling Applejack and Big Mac.

"WHERE IS RAINBOW DASH?!?!"

"Woah there nelly, calm down."

"Only if you tell me where Dash is!!!"

"Ah dunno."

"You don't know?!"

"Yeah, she left with a rope and...why are you so panicked?"

"GGGHHHHAAAAARRRRWWWW!!!!!!"

She ran outside, casting a finding spell on the feather and it flew into the wide open fields to a big tree. As she finally reached it panting, she saw Dash sitting there with the ends of the rope tightly grasped in her hooves, the rope wrapped around her neck, sobbing with her wings hanging low.

"Dash..."

She walked towards the broken Pegasus and pulled her under her wings, sitting beside her.

"It's gonna be okey... I'm here... I won't let anything happen to you.. I promise..."

Applejack and Big Mac approached.

"What in the Hay is goin on?"
Big Mac shushed his sister, seeing that the Pegasus was suffering.

"Twilight..."

"Yes?"

"...why can't I kill myself...why can't I die...why do I have to be alive..."

Twilight just hugged her even more. Tears finally falling down her face too. Applejack got curious and concerned about what Dash just said. She joined the two and hugged Dash now too.
Inside the farmhouse they all sat at the table, drinking hot chocolate. Since their friends still had no clue about what had happened in Canterlot, AJ just reacted like everything was okey.

"Now what in tarnation were you doing? You could have been killed!"
Twilight shot her a glare that said 'oh, you don't say!'. The farm pony was taken aback. Dash just stared into her cup, still circling the drink around with the spoon.

"Okey, what is goin on?"
No response. Twilight joined Dash with looking into her own cup. Applejack was a bit annoyed, but couldn't shake off the feeling that something was indeed wrong.

"We'll tell you.."

Twilight finally spoke up, looking at Dash, then at Applejack, repeatedly.
"We'll tell all of you. But now Really isn't the right time."
Applejack swallowed. She looked at Dash, who has her eyes closed, tears falling down into her cup.