Mail Call
By; Zero_Starlight
I sighed, trying in vain to calm the equations and thoughts searing my mind. My gaze locked on a cloud, thousands of remembered images flashing as they connected. I hunched over, trying to block out the torrent, too much, too much, too much!
"Mail!" A cheery voice called, and I flinched, not now, not like this! But it was now, and it was going to happen like this, I had no choice, the thoughts wouldn't stop connecting, neurons in my brain blazing with new highways of energy.
"Sir?" The voice called again, and I smiled as I rocked slowly in my chair, forelegs wrapped around me, the voice was nice, it made the thoughts abait, perhaps...
"Sir, I have a letter for you!" The voice informed me, and I finally looked up.
The voice belonged to a young mare, blond mane, grey coat, her left eye wandering, and a cutie mark of bubbles.
"I-I like bubbles too!" I informed her, smiling for a moment before my hooves flew up to cover my muzzle, and then the fear and shame started, and to my left the door was opening, the stallion in the brown duster smiling at me and motioning for me to follow him, but no, he isn't real, you need to focus on that, focus, focus, focus!
"Are you OK sir?" The mare asked, leaning in closer, and for a moment I wanted to lean closer, I wanted to feel her mane, lose myself forevermore in her eyes and why was my mind doing this, shut up, shut up, shut up!
I blushed, hooves shaking now, the mare with the typewriter on my right, hooves tapping away at the keys, click-clack-click-clack, a new paragraph, Ding!
"NO YOU AREN'T REAL, YOU AREN'T THERE! LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yelled, cowering, my breath short and fleeting, the thoughts hurt, they hurt so much, why won't they-
Stop?
The mare held me tightly in a hug, making quiet noises, and the thoughts were quiet, the mare and the stallion, they were gone...
"The doctors said I have schizophrenia... I can't stop the thoughts." I said, working hard to not stutter. I didn't even know why I was telling the mare this, she would be gone before long anyway, but I could do nothing to stop the flow of the words.
"It makes me see things that aren't there, and I can't tell if the are real or not, so for all I can tell, you might not be real either-" She cuts me off, "It's OK, sir. It's OK." She handed me the letter, and I knew that she was leaving, I didn't want her to go, but I didn't get to choose who went and who stayed.
"M-my room number is forty-two..." I stated, hopeful, but knowing that she wouldn't come.
"I'll remember that." She said, smiling again, and she took off.
I doubted she would.
"Spiral? It's time for you evening medication." I heard the voice say. I knew I needed to take them, but I didn't want to take them, they made me weird.
"Don't wanna." Was all I could utter, rocking quietly on my bed, eyes flickering as they connected the information from the hundreds of newspaper articles, print offs, letters, textbook pages, but there aren't any connections are there Spiral?
There must be, my mind reasoned back, and the voice of reason sighed, retreating to it's haven in the dusty corners of my conciousness.
"Spiral, I don't want to force you to take these." The orderly spoke, calm but firm. She was a nice mare, I should just take the medication, it wasn't her fault I couldn't stop thinking, finding connections, focus, focus, focus!
"Water?" I asked, knowing the statement to be pathetic, foal talk, but it was hard enough forcing myself to say that statement as it was.
"Yes, Spiral, it's right here." I watched as she placed the tray with the two pink tablets and the plastic cup of water on my nightstand. I forced myself to dump the tablets into the cup and drink, my mind screaming that it was a trap of some sort, but I needed the pills for that exact reason, needed them to calm me.
"Is the other orderly... OK?" I asked.
"He will be fine, Spiral. You have to be careful though, without your medication, it's too hard for you to tell fact from fiction." The nurse replied, smiling wearily. "Good night."
I nodded, a jerky, hesistant motion, and forced myself to crawl under the covers of my bed, closing my eyes, feeling the seditive they laced into the water slowly shut down my brain, but it didn't, not really, it still hurt, the thoughts still connecting, trying to find the overarching theme.
Three days passed without incident, and I was on the front lawn of the facility, observing as ants streamed in and out of a crack in the pavement.
"Mail!" A bubbly voice called, and I turned, suprised to see the same mare from before.
"You came back..." I murmured, my thoughts screeching to a halt temporarily.
"Of course I did, silly! Why wouldn't I?" She replied, sitting down beside me, both her eyes looking at me as she smiled.
"Uh... I..." I stuttered, unable to think of a topic to bring up, and my thoughts were blazing again, painful as they whipped by, searching for a place to begin conversation on.
"So, what were you doing earlier?" She asked, and I sighed, releived that the mare had given me a way out.
"I was just watching the ants..." I said, "There's so many racing around, it, it's like my mind, they have so many things to do but t-they all want to do different things at the same time."
The mare looked intently at the ants, curiosity dominating her features. Did she think that was creepy? Did she hate me now? I wouldn't blame her, I wouldn't like me either, or-
She sneezed, giggling as the ants were thrown about. "Woops!" She said, smiling at me.
The mare visited me every day, calming me when I panicked, talking with me, and the next week I gathered enough courage to invite her to look around my room.
"Sure!" She replied with a smile, before her experession went blank and she laughed, "I'm Ditzy by the way! What's your name?"
"Spiral..." I murmured, grabbing her hoof in mine and leading her.
"That's a nice name!" Ditzy replied, smiling again, and my thoughts aligned themselves, for a moment the pain halted, and I smiled back. I liked that feeling, it was warm, comfortable.
"Whoa! Did you make all this?" Ditzy asked, her good eye flicking around, taking in my work. Her lazy eye bobbed around, ocassionally settling on me.
"Well I technically didn't make anything, my head just sees the connections and makes me note them." I said, somewhat uncomfortable. My thoughts were racing again, the pain in my head like a vice, squeezing tighter, tighter, tighter.
I looked down as something bounced against my hoof, and I looked to my door, terrified at the sight of the foal, a ball cap on his head and a bat in his mouth. Not now, not now, not now! I closed my eyes, curling up into a ball and rocking, trying to slow my thoughts, but still they raced, pounding against my head.
"No, you're not real, not real, fake, fake, fake!" I chanted, no longer aware of anything but my own broken mind.
Ditzy wrapped her hooves around me again, squeezing gently. "It's OK Spiral... It's OK. There's no one there. You're OK."
"No, I'm not, not, not, not!" I mumbled, "Are you real? I don't know, you feel real, but I don't know!"
"Does this feel real?" She asked, pressing her muzzle to mine.
All thoughts stopped.
I felt utter calm wrap around me like a blanket, warming me and keeping me safe. Ditzy pulled away, smiling. "Better?"
I nodded, smiling back.
1 Year Later...
"Are you sure about this, Ditzy?" I asked once again, wanting to make sure that she had a choice in this up until the end.
Ditzy giggled, smiling at me from the seat to my left. "Of course I'm sure, Spiral. Now come on!" She took my hoof in hers and led me up to the desk.
It had been a year since Ditzy delivered that first letter to me, and our relationship had only grown stronger. Today was the big day. Today Ditzy would officially be signing me out of the facility and I would be able to live with her. The thought made me feel warm all over.
"Spiral?" Ditzy asked, and I looked around.
"O-oh! Sorry, I drifted off for a second, what was that?" I said, smiling.
"You just need to sign your name here Spiral, and then you're free to go." The orderly informed me. She rolled a pen over to me and I carefully signed my name, making the document official.
"Well, this is it, our home!" Ditzy said, smiling as she walked up to a cozy house, like something out of a movie. White picket fence, flowers, what looked like a garden in the back. I smiled, giving Ditzy a kiss.
"Thank you Ditzy. For everything." I said, nuzzling her. She giggled, returning my affectionate motion. "Just doing my job!" She replied, and we laughed.
END
Author's Note; This was a fairly big step outside of my normal writing style, and I think it really shows. Writing the main character as a pony was especially hard... Anyway! Hope you enjoyed, remember to review, favorite, and let your friends know all about it! Zero out, BOOP!
