I Hate Equestria

by Zero Geass

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Dark, Comedy, Crossover
Length: 1054

this is a crossover between I Hate Fairyland and My Little Pony

this story is about Gertrude she has been stuck in Equestria sense seven she is now thirty seven stuck on a quest to find a key to get her home she's fighting Changelings, Discord, assassins and team up with villains and the princesses hopefully to get back home

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-24 17:14:46 UTC

introducing Gertrude

there was once a seven year old girl name Gertrude her favorite show was My Little Pony friendship is Magic she always wished she could go to Equestria Everyday after the show she made the wished then one day after washing very hard the wish came true a portal opens up beneath her sending her to Equestria.  Gertrude screaming in her room the ground is eating me help me help me not knowing that she was going to Equestria when she finally fell through the portal falling from the sky screaming at the top of her lungs I'm going to die I'm going to die I'm going to die Landing face-first on the ground in Canterlot in front of Princess Celestia and Luna as Gertrude gets off the ground bloody with broken bones she looks up and sees Celestia and Luna greeting her to Equestria. As Gertrude is wiping the blood from her eyes and sees Princess Celestia and Luna welcoming her Equestria believeing  it is a dream Gertrude to try to pinch herself then she realized her arm is broken with the bone sticking out bleeding  Princess Luna reaches out and Shakes Gertrude's hand and tell her all about Equestria she doesn't hear Gertrude screaming in pain due to the fact that the hand that she is shaking is the one that is attached to her broken arm after about two minutes of her talking in her hand and let's go of it. after about four hours in Equestria having fun Gertrude begins to worry about her parents wondering where she is at so she asks Princess Celestia and Luna how to go home they tell her there is a key to unlock a door in the palace but the key is somewhere in Equestria so princess Celestia gives Gertrude a map and Princess Luna gave her a dragon by the name of Larry to aid Gertrude to find the key so she can return home that happened 30 years ago in all those years Gertrude never aged physically but mentally she has aged into a mean hateful spiteful will you just shut up already I can hear you perfectly well I'm sorry I can't help you I'm the narrator of your story Gertrude well if you don't shut up I'm going to shoot you I can't help it that's what I do I'm a narrator  you doing it in my ear I know how ears works listen here Moon if you don't shut up the moon begins to narrate again pissing off Gertrude she pulls out of nowhere a cannon with a Trigger and shoot the Moon making it it a crescent moon screaming out now what Gertrude realizes the Stars just witnessed what she did to the Moon and scream Witnesses and begins to shoot at the one by one in Centerlot Princess Luna is standing on her balcony watching over Equestria  and comment about the falling stars while her sister walks up and mention about a falling star heading towards her Luna laugh it off then she looked up and a dead star dead in the face then all around the two of them are dead stars as the two sisters look around see if there's any survivors one is barely hanging on the two sisters ask what happened and said a girl with green hair did this and the star died Foster scream at the top of their lungs Gertrude you are going to pay for this Gertrude looks at Larry and says let's go to Las Pegasus I heard they have some good buffets there and Larry replies back gambling sounds fun as they rode off Las Pegasus in Las Pegasus Gertrude Robs a Bank gets arrested tries to kill the mayor of Las Pegasus cuts the Wings off two Wonderbolts eating hallucinogenic mushrooms while getting away on a flying pig while saying blah blah blah sixty seven miles. the Flying Pig threw her off of him saying I can't take it anymore you've been saying blah blah blah over and over again  The Flying Pig looks over at Larry and tell them I owe you nothing Gertrude swims to an island mention how cold it is and Larry said it's  ice cream Island Ice in the title that's why so coldLarry tells Gertrude she doesn't look good she replies back I'm good he replies back to her you they don't back and forth till she vomits the hallucinogenic mushrooms. back with Princess Luna and Celestia they need to get rid of Gertrude knowing that they cannot harm her knowing she is not a resident of Equestria they can't hurt her they came up with a plan to use Discord to stop her luna summons Discord she tells Discord that he may no longer be the embodiment of Chaos he begins to Freak Out and ask how could this happen Princess Celestia ask Discord do you remember that little girl from 30 Years Ago by the name of Gertrude of course I remember her why wouldn't I Discord replied well she has been on a murderous Rampage throughout Equestria recently she cut the Wings off of two Wonderbolt she killed every star in the sky maded the moon into a crescent shape permanently and ate several ponies do to hallucinogenic mushrooms if you don't stop her she will become the spirit of Chaos reply Celestia. Discord replies I refuse to lose my title to some seven-year-old little brat who thinks she can do what she wants to do I'll stop her here and now if my name isn't John de Lancie and thank god thing it isn't sad Discord when walked in Luna walks in and said she's in her thirties she's not seven years old so you might have a fight her so good luck with that Discord we will be rooting for you as leaves Discord The room both Celestia and Luna look at each other instead he's not coming back Celestia looks up to the ceiling and thinks how is he going to die slow and painful or fast and painless Luna reading her mind tells her it's going to be slow and painful I know it is and so are you sister I feel sorry for Discord we need to think of a plan B.

to be continue