Looking Pink, Feeling Blue

by lavendernoodle

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Sad
Length: 2992

The Mane Six try to figure out Pinkie Pie's depression.

Pinkie Pie is the happiest pony in Ponyville.

Or so everypony thinks.

The Mane Six discover that she has serious depression, and they go and try to figure out why.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-24 23:26:16 UTC

Chapter 2

Twilight sat at her desk. The folder lay before her, but she was too nervous to open it. Maybe my friends were right, Twilight thought. If Pinkie wants to tell me this...maybe I should just wait.

Finally, she opened it.

Dear Diary,

Marble returned my letter. She said Limestone finally figured out which FlimFlam brother was the father of her son, and Maud hasn't given birth yet. Cheese keeps telling me how nervous he is. I wonder who Marble will meet.

Twilight and I are still dating. It's been two years, and I don't know if it's time to propose. Maybe Twilight will. Is it too early? I really love her but...I just don't know.

The doctor said the depression isn't getting better, but I think the anxiety is going away. Last night I had another nightmare. Thank Celestia the crying didn't wake Twilight up. I've been thinking about seeing Luna, but she might already know. If she's keeping it a secret for me, I need to repay her.

Anyway, in happier news, Pound and Pumpkin love telling me about everything that happens at preschool. The Cakes let me foalsit them a lot still, even though I live with Twilight now. Twilight took me to Canterlot yesterday for a date, and it was super romantic. I loved it when she was so happy to show me around.

That's all for today.

Twilight sat at her desk for a moment. A movie ran through her head as she remembered that night. She was so excited that she had barely payed attention to Pinkie. Suddenly, she snapped out of it.

Depression? Anxiety? She thought. A weight of guilt was lifted onto her shoulders. I had no idea...

Chapter 4

As it turned out, the train ride to Pinkie's family's farm was incredibly quiet. Twilight read a few books, took a couple naps, and stared into the abyss in complete silence.

The train pulled out of the station the second Twilight stepped onto the platform. There was nopony in the Information Stand.

Twilight realized that she had never been to the rock farm. She'd heard all about it from Pinkie, and a bit from Applejack, but she had no idea where to go or what it would really be like.

She was a tad nervous. Applejack had explained that Pinkie's family weren't exactly...accustomed to visitors. All Twilight knew was that Maud was strange, Marble was quiet, Limestone was rude, and Pinkie's parents were...a couple centuries behind, as Applejack had so blatantly put it.

Twilight gulped down her fears, fluffed out her wings, and began her flight.

It took not long. Twilight landed, and her hooves were scraped by the tough ground.

Maud, a pickaxe in her mouth, turned to face Twilight. "Twilight," she said, monotone.

Twilight glanced around. There wasn't much to see: a house, a barn, a hazy sky, rocks everywhere, and Holder's Boulder. "Hello, Maud."

"What are you doing here?"

Twilight pulled out a notebook and pencil from her saddlebags. "If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you and your family a couple questions about Pinkie Pie."

Maud said nothing for a moment, only staring. Finally, she said, "Come with me."

Maud led Twilight to the front door of the tiny, bland house and Limestone opened the door.

Obviously surprised, she asked, "What is she doing here?"

"She just wants to talk with us," Maud said.

Limestone frowned at Twilight. Marble walked out from behind her and motioned for Twilight to follow.

Twilight thanked Marble. Marble led her to a living room, where Pinkie's parents were sitting around a fire.

"Hello," Twilight said, quietly.

Pinkie's father stood. "It is an honor to see you again, your Highness." They bowed.

"It's good to see you too," Twilight said. "If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you a few questions."

When the couple sent each other worried looks, Twilight added, "It's about Pinkie Pie. I've made a...shocking discovery and I'd like to know if any of you know anything about it."

Everypony sat. Limestone asked, "What kind of discovery?"

Twilight was hesitant. "It's about Pinkie's depression."

Marble gasped. Igneous took off his hat and placed it on his chest.

Cloudy Quartz looked to Twilight. "What would thou liketh to know?"

"Um...I guess...Whatever you know of the matter."

"She was always the saddest." Limestone picked at the ground with her hoof. "She didn't like it here. She wanted to move away from the youngest age."

"We got her to stay," Maud added. "But she always knew she was different."

"There aren't any other schools around here, or any other ponies, really." Limestone looked up and sighed. "She...She hated herself. We don't know why. She would scream and scream because she was the last Pie sister to get her Cutie Mark, and she thought it would never happen."

"We always reassured her," Igneous added. "She didn't listen."

"Eventually she went to Ponyville," Maud said. "And met Rainbow Dash."

"They were good friends." Limestone sighed.

"They still are," Twilight interrupted. "And she met Applejack, who you already know, and some others that I'm sure you've heard of."

"That is...all we know." Cloudy stood, and pushed Twilight out of her seat and towards the door. "You should go, Princess."

On the train, Twilight examined her notes. They were short. They hardly said anything, Twilight thought.

Chapter 5

Twilight calmly entered the room.

She scanned her friends, sitting around the Cutie Map. Twilight's marefriend Pinkie was nowhere to be found.

If reading her mind, Applejack said, "We told her that Celestia had a shortage of cake."

A moment of forced laughter passed.

Twilight sat. She knew her friends wanted to know everything that Pinkie's family had told her, but she didn't know how to explain.

Finally, she began. "I do not think that Pinkie should know about this. After speaking with Pinkie's family, I now know that there was a good reason to hide her true feelings.

"I know...I know I should tell you. But I feel as if you already know...everything that I could say."

Everypony hung their heads. After a moment, Rainbow Dash spoke. "Do I have to tell them, then?"

Twilight raised her eyebrow. "What?"

"Twilight, I'd rather not say."

"Say what? I don't understand."

"Twilight, she tried to kill me."

Twilight felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. She assumed her friends felt the same way. "W-What?"

"It was a long time ago. When she first moved here, she had a lot of...emotions."

"Problems," Rarity chimed in.

"Anyway, I never found out what I did wrong. One day, she invited me over to bake or something. I don't remember exactly. Somehow, she convinced me to go into the basement. I fell asleep. I think she drugged me. When I woke up, I was tied down. Thank Celestia I got out, but I could tell by the other dead bodies and the way I was tied up that I wasn't supposed to wake up."

Twilight looked to her other friends. "Did you...did you know?"

They nodded. "Twi," Rainbow Dash went on, "I had to go to years of therapy. My friends had to help me through it. I'm still pretty sensitive about-"

"You don't have to go on, Dash. I am so sorry. How did she not get arrested or-"

Dash sighed. "No one believed me."

"Except us," AJ said.

That night, Twilight was reading when Pinkie came home. "Twiiiiiiiilight," she called.

Twilight galloped down the stairs. "Did you think I wouldn't find out?"

Pinkie cocked her head. "What do you mean, silly?"

"You almost killed Rainbow Dash. Are you kidding?"

"Twilight, I didn't try to kill her!"

Twilight wanted to explode with rage. She began to cry. "Why do insist on lying?"

Pinkie gently hugged her marefriend. Twilight couldn't help but accept the embrace.

Chapter 6

"It doesn't have to be this way."

"Huh?"

Twilight took a deep breath. "You can just tell me. I'm not going to get you in trouble. Our friends don't even have to know."

Pinkie frowned. "I don't want to keep secrets, Twily."

"Then tell me."

Pinkie tried to remember. "I don't know. I mean, I guess you talked to my family. You're smart enough to know that I was raised in a pretty unconventional way."

"How so?"

"Twilight, we had nothing. We barely ate, and of course we were very sick. A rock farm has no purpose. Nobody...I don't know, bought our rocks? What could we possibly need to sell them for?" Twilight shrugged, and Pinkie groaned. "I was treated differently. We all got slapped occasionally, but me more than my sisters. I was always the baby."

"Even though Marble is the youngest."

Pinkie nodded. "Yeah. But she didn't talk back, or destroy things when she got agitated. They all used to be like Maud, emotionless. When Dash did the Rainboom, something inside me sparked. I knew there was more to me than that stupid rock farm.

"So I went to Ponyville. I thought, I'm a smart mare. I can live without my family. But I was immediantly overwhelmed. Rainbow and Rarity greeted me and I felt sick. The colors, the happiness...it was like I'd been drugged, Twily.

"I had nowhere to go so I stayed at Sugarcube Corner. I didn't think I'd stay there but I did. I was kind of a loner after that. I didn't have any friends, and I didn't go outside."

"What about Cheese Sandwich? He said-"

"He visited me before he 'mysteriously showed up.' I told him that I wasn't feeling well, and I wanted him to throw Dash's birthaversary. The whole thing was a show. I was feeling better by the end of the catastrophe, so we threw it together but it was mostly him."

"Why'd he visit you?"

"Well, okay. I guess I had one friend. Him. He lived on a real farm not to far from my parents'. We played together a lot when we were younger. I had a crush on him."

Twilight giggled. "I think he likes you too."

Pinkie laughed. "Maybe. But he gets that I'm into mares more."

"Anyway..."

"Oh, right. Okay, so the Rainbow Dash incident. Twily, I have to admit I was mean. Cruel. Me and my sisters didn't get along when we were little, and my relationship with my parents was even worse. And besides Cheese, they were the only ponies I knew. I had a lot of issues. Anxiety, depression...but you already knew that.

"So of course, I had this little voice in the back of my brain, that I call Pinkamena. Pinkamena kept saying, 'Rainbow Dash and Rarity, what is their problem? Why do they keep singling you out, Pinkie? Everypony already knows that you're a freak. A sick freak.'"

"Oh, Pinkie..."

"I was surprised too. Pinkamena had been my safe spot for years. She reminded me I was sane, and that everything would be okay. And suddenly, she snapped. And I followed her. I believed her."

"So what happened?"

"I wanted to get Rainbow Dash and Rarity to leave me alone. At first I considered moving, but I had no money and the other cities in Equestria were so much bigger and scarier. So Pinkamena told me to scare them."

"So you gave in."

"Pinkamena told me I was a sick freak, so I decided I would be.

"I invited them over. Rarity was busy, so me and Pinkamena decided that Rainbow Dash would just tell her what happened. Anyway, I invited Dash. I told her that I needed help baking, even though I'd never baked. So she went down into the basement, and I locked her down there. I waited until she passed out from fear. I didn't really hurt her. But I did scare her. I put fake dead dummies and fake blood and I tied her in a way so she could get out. And then I waited, and she ran."

Chapter 1

The girls shuffled through papers around Pinkie's secret party room. As they were when they'd first discovered it, they were quite impressed. Everything you needed to know about anypony could be found in the room.

They'd started by looking through their own documents, and were in awe about how much Pinkie really knew about them.

"Wow," Twilight said. "I've been dating Pinkie for two years and I don't even think I know this much about her."

"Ain't this a little...creepy?" Applejack asked. "Ah mean...it's sweet and impressive, but ah don't think ah've ever told Pinkie most of this stuff. Or...anypony. How did she find out?"

"Darling, she's Pinkie Pie," Rarity mused. "You can't expect anything less."

Rainbow Dash flew over to the files for the other ponies. Fluttershy noticed, and said, "Rainbow, I don't think you should---"

"Ah, it's cool Fluttershy. Pinkie wouldn't write any of this down if it was embarrassing or too personal or something."

Twilight was walking in circles around the room. "There's a folder for everypony in Ponyville. Maybe even in Eques...Oh my Celesia."

Dash flew over, almost crashing into Twilight. "Whatwhatwhat?"

"There's a folder for Pinkie!"

Dash frowned. "Why wouldn't there be?"

"Wouldn't you think she knew all of this about herself already?" Twilight levitated the folder out of the file cabinet. "It's a lot bigger than the rest." She opened it slowly and frowned.

"What's wrong?" asked Rarity.

"It's not notes like ours. It's...diary entries."

Applejack backed up a bit. "Ah think...ah heard Apple Bloom calling me. Ah gotta go."

"Me too," Fluttershy and Dash said.

"Sorry darling."

Twilight looked at her friends. "You think it's alright to read entries about ponies you sort of know, but not one of your best friends?"

"To be honest...I don't feel super comfortable just being here," Fluttershy added. "Pinkie still doesn't know we know about this place."

"Well, I'd like to know my marefriend a little more. I'll see you girls tomorrow."

Chapter 3

Twilight paced in circles as Rarity read the letter. "Depression?"

"That's what I said," Twilight said.

"Oh dear. This is quite serious. How could the happiest pony in Equestria have depression?"

Twilight pulled out some books. "I've done some research." When Rarity gave her an 'I'm not surprised' look, Twilight continued, "I couldn't help myself. These books all say that when a pony has depression, usually they don't want anypony to know. Usually, so no one worries about them. Pinkie could be doing that."

"For her whole life? Well, since she was a filly?"

"It's possible. It would surprise me even more, but it's possible. I ask you because I know you had depression as a teenager."

Rarity nodded, and then turned to her marefriend Applejack. "Darling, you would tell me if you had depression right?"

AJ nodded. "A' course. Apple Bloom had depression before she got her Cutie Mark, but we only thought of it that way when she saw a therapist a few months ago. As for me, ah had it when mah parents died." She turned to Twilight. "Ya know, in both cases, we Apples just kinda...let that thing run it's own course. But if Pinkie's has lasted this long...ah don't think ah'm the right pony to be askin'."

"Apple Bloom, huh?" Twilight lifted her hoof to her chin. "Do you two know anypony else who's had depression?"

"Well...Rainbow Dash said she had it for a little while in Flight School," Applejack recalled. "But ah don't think it affected her all that much."

"Fluttershy did as well. She told me once that she saw a therapist many times. She even took medication." Rarity turned back to AJ. "She actually...told you that?"

"Yeah. Ah didn't ask or anythin'. She had too much cider and just kinda...spilled." She snickered. "Pun not intended."

"Well, I'm not going to ask her." Twilight put the books away. "And I don't want to make Fluttershy uncomfortable."

"Maybe you should ask her parents, darling. Or her sisters."

"That's a great idea, Rarity! You two should come."

The marefriends shared a glance before Applejack said, "Twi, ah think this is somethin' you need to do on your own."

Chapter 7

"I don't want to tell them, Twi Twi."

Twilight looked to her marefriend. "There's nothing else we can do."

Pinkie sighed.

"You'll never see us again. If you come looking, you'll never find us. So, good-bye."

The rest of the Mane Six were silent. Twilight didn't want to bring the bad news either but there was nothing she could do to prevent the events to come.

"Twilight, I didn't tell you so you could leave," Rainbow Dash said. She then looked at Pinkie. "Though I wouldn't mind if she left."

Pinkie said nothing. Twilight said, "I know. But you all know that this has to be done."

Pinkie smiled. The marefriends turned around and walked out of town. Twilight felt the eyes of her old friends burn into the back of her head.

After they had walked for a while (but were probably still in view), Twilight stopped Pinkie. "I love you. I want you to know that. I will never leave your side. But I have to do this."

Before Pinkie could say something, Twilight pressed her lips against Pinkie's. Pinkie closed her eyes and melted into the kiss. She felt as if she was floating in the air.

Twilight let go and gasped for air. Pinkie opened her eyes. She was in the air.

A magical bubble surrounded her. Pinkie gasped and gasped as she felt the air running out.

"Why are you doing this?" Pinkie yelled.

Twilight was struggling to keep the forcefield alive as Pinkie tried to escape. "I can read right through you! You can't lie to me! I loved you, but I know you're a murderer. I'm sorry."

Pinkie couldn't breathe anymore. Her eyes closed, and the last thing she heard were the cries of her marefriend.