Chapters Where am I?
He could see nothing, nothing except the crushing, cloying darkness all around him. He could feel the sheer weight of it on his chest and limbs. So why wasn't he suffocating?
Why am I here?
He tried hard to focus, to force the memories to come, but the more he tried the more they eluded him. He tried to move but found that he couldn't even open his eyes.
Who am I?
He didn't know. He tried to calm his mind, hoping that the answers would come of their own volition.
Then something changed. A feeling of desperation overcame him, a feeling that he couldn't stay in this position for a second longer. Again he tried to move, and this time, he succeeded in pushing against the darkness.
Dirt, he thought to himself. It's not darkness; it's dirt.
Scratching, scraping and punching his way upward, he broke through to the open air, finding himself in a dark forest. He paused to catch his breath, only to find that he did not have to. He inhaled deeply but could not feel the air moving through his lungs.
I don't have to breathe anymore. I don't have to breathe and I just dug myself out of -
A feeling of horror came over him as he realized where that train of thought was leading. He stood and stared at the patch of earth he'd climbed out of. There could be no doubt; it was a shallow, unmarked grave. He pressed his trembling fingers to his neck, hoping to feel a pulse. There was none. He leaned against a tree and sat down.
"What in God's name is going on?" His deep voice rasped from his dry throat, yet he felt no thirst. He found that he barely felt anything, though he flexed his muscular arms and legs as hard as he could. "Who am I?"
"Jason Calbus Wright."
He jumped to his feet and frantically looked around, but he couldn't see whoever had said that name. It was familiar to him, somehow . . .
"It should be, it was yours."
And then he saw the crow, sitting on a branch of the tree above. It was large for a crow, with shiny black feathers, razor-sharp talons, and dark red eyes. It tapped its claw against a worn strand of hempen rope that was tied to the branch, then jerked its head toward Jason.
"Did - Did I hang myself?" Jason asked. The crow nodded.
"Why?" asked Jason. "Why can't I remember anything? And who or what are you?"
The bird did not reply. Instead, it spread its wings and flew deeper into the forest. Some instinct told Jason to follow it, so he did, running to catch up.
"Where are you taking me?" he yelled to the crow, "Please, I'm so confused!"
The crow merely cawed at him and flew faster. Jason ran harder, pumping his arms to propel himself forward, and only then realized how quickly the forest was passing him by. He remembered very little, but he was fairly certain that normal humans could not run this fast. Finally, the crow stopped at the mouth of a cave. It jerked its head toward the cave.
Jason entered the cave, finding that the interior was lit by bioluminescent mushrooms. There was a pile of rags near the rear, with a firepit in the center and scraps of rotten food off to the left.
"Was this my home?" Jason asked himself. If it was, he'd been leading a pitiful existence. He knelt down by the pile of rags and picked one up to get a better look at it.
The pins and needles stabbed into his flesh while that damn cat clawed at his legs. He opened his mouth to beg for mercy, to assure her that he meant no harm, but Rarity wouldn't listen. She threw more of her supplies at him even as he ran out of the boutique. She shouted something about him being a "boorish, lanky creature" as she slammed the door.
Jason threw down the rag in fright, the memory raging in his head like a swarm of bees. He stumbled over and fell into the fire pit.
His muscles contracted so hard he thought the bones they were attached to would crack from the strain. He twitched uncontrollably as he tried to run, to get away from her, but Rainbow Dash had him in her sights. She fired another bolt of lightning at him, weaker this time, and yelled, "Take that, monkey-boy!"
Jason stumbled to his feet, tears streaming down his face. He didn't want these memories anymore. He turned to run out of the cave, but he stumbled again and fell among the remains of his food.
His ribs felt like shattered gravel, there wasn't a single inch of him that did not hurt, and Applejack still pounded away at him with her strong legs. "That'll teach ya to steal from my farm!" she yelled, kicking his head for good measure. He opened his mouth to explain, that he'd only taken a few apples because he was starving, but Wynonna ran up and started biting his face, tearing his lower lip.
"NO, PLEASE, NO MORE!" screamed Jason as he crawled on his hands and knees out of the cave. Other memories came to him; Fluttershy fainting or pretending she wasn't home when he needed medicine, Twilight's refusal to let him into the castle to speak to her, Pinkie Pie constantly avoiding him when just a single laugh would brighten his day. Jason curled into the fetal position and continued to cry.
"Why?" he said between sobs, "Why, why, WHY?!" In the three years he'd been there he hadn't done anything wrong. Why had they been so cruel to him?!
He felt a soft tap on his shoulder and looked up to see the crow standing next to him. Its eyes shone with a paradoxical combination of sympathy and scorn.
"Do you really want to know, Jason?" it asked him. "Though knowing may give direction and purpose, it will only make the shroud of sadness that sits 'pon you weigh heavier."
Jason wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, took a shaky breath, and said, "Please, tell me. I have to know everything."
"Very well," said the crow. It placed its head against Jason's forehead.
And Jason knew.
"Applejack? Applejack? Applejack!"
AJ shook her head and tried to focus on her customer. "Sorry 'bout that, Derpy," she said. "My head's been elsewhere lately."
"Anything wrong?" Derpy asked. She scooped her apples into her saddlebag.
"Nothin' y'all need to worry yourself about," said AJ with a smile. "Here, take few extras and make a batch of them apple coffee cake muffins Dinky loves so much."
"Oh, I couldn't," stammered Derpy, "Please, I can pay for them -"
"Not another word, sugar cube," said Applejack. "This year's crop has been our best in a decade, we got apples to spare. And even if it wasn't, I'm not gonna price-gouge somepony in need. I know work's been slow this week at the post office."
"Oh, you're the best, Applejack." Derpy hugged her tightly, then flew away.
Applejack sighed and closed up her stand for the day. The sun was setting and she'd have to hurry if she was going to make back in time for dinner. Walking back toward Sweet Apple Acres, her thoughts returned to their previous train: the incident with Jason a week before.
What more could ya do? she told herself. Ya cut him down, ya dug a hole deep enough that animals wouldn't find his carcass, ya even said a prayer to Faust to have mercy on his soul. Ya got no reason to feel guilty.
So why did she? Sure, maybe she had been a little harsh when she caught him stealing apples, but it had to be done. Everypony else would think it was okay to just come and take whatever they wanted if she'd let some wild animal get away with it, she had to set a precedent. She'd have done the same if he'd been a pony . . .
No, her conscience told her. No you wouldn't've.
She hadn't told anyone about Jason's suicide, and his absence was starting to be noticed. Not that anyone really missed him, but for a while, some ponies (Snips & Snails, Berry Punch, and Octavia Melody of all ponies) had taken pity on the miserable wretch and deliberately left uneaten food by their garbage bins for him to find. Twilight had put a stop to it, claiming that it only invited more pests from the forest into town, and Applejack had been forced to agree.
"Maybe I should tell somepony," AJ said to herself as she moved her cart into the barn. "At the very least, I oughta visit his grave when I have the time."
"Don't bother. I'll come to you."
Applejack's blood ran cold and she froze where she stood. The barn door slammed shut as the last rays of the setting sun disappeared from between the cracks in the wall.
"Who - Who's there?!" she yelled out, assuming a fighting stance.
"Don't tell me you've already forgotten my voice."
The deep, raspy tones made her shiver. That voice was . . . No, it couldn't be. She'd seen him die, it couldn't be -
"It could, and it is," said the voice right in her ear.
Applejack tried to scream, but a crashing blow to the head stopped it in her throat as she was knocked back into a pile of hay. Moonlight shone in through the barn's upper window, casting a spotlight upon the figure who had struck her.
"It's - it's not possible," she said. The creature looked like Jason, yet it was so different. Jason had been five-foot-six at the most, this being was about five-ten; Jason's hair had been chestnut in color, this creature's was as black as ink; Jason was emaciated and weak, this creature was wiry and strong; and Jason had been tanned brown by the sun, while the creature was ghostly pale and had black markings on its face.
"I know what you're thinking," the creature said amiably, "'Where on earth did he get a gray silk poet's shirt and black leather pants?' Turns out that dying gives you some really nifty magical powers. You should try it sometime, it's very therapeutic."
He held up his forearms, revealing the hemp around them he'd woven into vambraces. "Recognize these? I guess you wouldn't since the last time you saw them, they were part of a single rope."
"Jason . . ." said Applejack, not quite believing what she was seeing but unable to deny it.
"Yes," he said. "Yes, and no. I WAS Jason Calbus Wright. But not now."
He crossed the barn with unnatural speed and picked Applejack up by her throat.
"Now, I'm The Crow."
Author's Note
I was debating whether or not to post this as is, but my time to devote to writing will be very limited over the next 3 weeks, and you guys deserve something before I have to go incommunicado.
Next chapter: Vengeance begins in earnest.
Author's Note
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaC07zkUR7o
III
"Jason, please." Applejack struggled to speak, his hand like a vice around her throat. "Please, don't hurt me."
"I like the way you beg, little filly," sneered Jason. "C'mon, keep at it."
"What?" She was getting lightheaded.
"Beg," he growled, kicking open the barn door. "Plead for mercy, fall down on your hocks in supplication, PRAY for me to stop hurting you!"
He threw her to the ground and punched her in the stomach. Bile rose to her throat and Applejack vomited, the acid making it so raw she lacked the capacity to scream.
"And then," he hissed, "like you and the others always did, I'll ignore it and keep hurting you."
"I - I know what we did was wrong -" Jason's eyes glowed blood red, and Applejack found that she could no longer speak.
"And yet you did it anyway," he said. "Kinda makes whatever reason you had for doing it irrelevant, wouldn't you say?"
Applejack tried to run, but she was rooted to the spot. Jason raised his left hand and placed his palm directly against her forehead.
"I have something for you, Applejack." His voice sounded almost sad. "I don't want it anymore."
Pain every inch of her body hurt as the orange pony's hooves struck her rib-cage and tore her flesh She tried to struggle but her body was weakened by hunger and hardship Wynonna's teeth tore her face O FAUST IT HURT SO MUCH her belly ached to be filled she hadn't tried to take much a few apples wouldn't be missed "GIT OFF MAH FARM, YA VARMINT!"
"No," she whispered.
Loneliness no one would speak to her no one listened she had no one and no where to go the cave stunk and only the fire kept predators away why oh why want to go home can't go back no way back some-pony left food won't be my friends why am I not worthy of friends
"No!" she croaked, louder this time.
Happy Celestia and Luna said go to Ponyville everything will be good my dream finally coming true what why not "Not another human" but Twilight hasn't met me the others will understand no they all reject me what did I do wrong
"Nothin'," she choked, "Ya did nothin' wrong."
Jason removed his hand and Applejack fell to the ground, convulsing and sobbing. Three years. Jason had come to Equestria in search of love and friendship, things that their very culture was based around giving. And for three years, he had known only misery, rejection and pain. Now, she knew exactly what he endured for those years, all crammed into ten seconds.
"I imagine that if you could speak, you'd be telling me how sorry you are right now." Jason's voice had a hollow ring to it, as though he were trying to bury great pain beneath a mask of calmness. "But you haven't even begun to be sorry. By tomorrow, if you're not the sorriest Faust-damned pony in all of Equestria, you'll certainly be in the top ten."
Thunder rumbled in the distance. A storm was supposed to roll in from Cloudsdale tonight, Applejack vaguely recalled.
"What are you going to do to me?" Applejack spoke with trepidation. What could possibly be worse than what he'd just done?
"It's not what I'll DO, it's what you've DONE." said Jason. "Some say that the eyes are the windows to the soul. If that's the case, then yours have been flung open for all the world to see inside."
Grannie Smith called Applejack's name from the house. Jason turned to her and said, "Gotta go, AJ. I have seven other appointments to keep tonight." A black crow flew over him and he was gone.
For a while, all Applejack could do was lie on the ground. The pain was gone, but a feeling of heaviness had replaced it. It was as though she was carrying a burden on her back, a burden that filled her whole being with sadness.
"Applejack, what's wrong?" Applebloom saw her lying out in the yard and ran to her, but froze in place when she looked into Applejack's eyes.
"Applebloom?" she stood and shook her sister gently. "Applebloom, what's wrong?!"
Applebloom's mouth opened and closed a few times before she could finally get the words out. "Applejack," she whispered, "How could you?"
Something was wrong with the animals.
A new crow had shown up this morning, nibbling at the corn and seeds she left out for the birds. It hadn't spoken or acted hostile in any way, but the other animals refused to go near it. When Fluttershy questioned them, none of the other birds could give a definite answer, merely claiming that something about this crow felt wrong.
"Shame on all of you," said Fluttershy, "He may be strange, but that's no reason to reject him without getting to know him first!"
The new crow flew down and stood on the grass in front of the animals, causing them to shrink back. It turned its head toward Fluttershy, cawed loudly, and then flew away.
"Now look at what you've done," she said. "He did absolutely nothing wrong and you treated him like leper! I hope you're all very proud of yourselves."
Fluttershy sighed. This had been a particularly trying day. Her pigeons had all gotten some kind of flu, the stray cats she'd found the other day wouldn't stop fighting each other, this business with the crow, and Angel Bunny had gone off into the fields in a huff when she refused to give him extra carrots. It was almost eight o'clock and he still wasn't back yet. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
"Angel?" she called. "Is that you?"
Whoever it was knocked again. Fluttershy got up from her cozy spot by the fire and stood by the door. She couldn't see anypony from her living room windows, and it didn't sound like the thumping Angel Bunny made with his hind-leg when he wanted in.
"Little pig, little pig," called a raspy voice. "Let me come in."
Fluttershy's guts turned to ice. She quickly engaged the deadbolt and flew upstairs to hide beneath her bed. Maybe it, whatever it was, would give up and leave if it thought she wasn't home.
"Not by the hair on your chinny chin chin?"
It spoke louder this time, its tone bitingly sardonic. Fluttershy prayed to Faust that somepony, anypony, would come to her cottage right now and save her.
"Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll BLOW YOUR HOUSE IN!"
There was a grunt of effort, followed by a creaking noise, and her front door was ripped off its hinges. Fluttershy heard the thud of its boots as it walked around her living room.
"Oh Where, oh where has my little dog gone?" the creature sang to itself. It had gone into the kitchen and she could hear it poking around her icebox.
"Oh where, oh where can she be? With her ears so short and her tail so long . . ."
Fluttershy's heart beat faster as she heard it coming up the stairs.
"Oh where, oh where is she?"
It said the last line between bites. Fluttershy supposed it was eating one of the four-dozen pimento cheese sandwiches left over from Pinkie Pie's last party.
It stopped at the foot of her bed. Fluttershy held her breath and remained still as a rock, hoping against hope that it wouldn't find her. Then, to her relief, it turned and descended the stairs. She let out a great sigh as she heard its boots walking off of her front porch. She waited several more minutes, straining her ears to catch the slightest sound, but could hear nothing. Finally, Fluttershy crawled out from under the bed and quietly made her way toward the stairs. She'd check quickly to see how much damage had been done, then fly to Ponyville and stay with Twilight until the creature could be dealt with.
She had almost made it out the door when something grabbed her from behind. Fluttershy tried to scream, but a strong arm locked itself around her throat while a hand placed itself flat against her forehead.
"Silly me," growled the creature. "I almost left without giving you your hostess present."
The Mancrow flew in circles around her, its vocalizations falling somewhere between caws and laughs. As its wings spread the sky darkened, all joy turning to sorrow as the sun was devoured by darkness.
" Good morning to you, Pinkie Pie, so far from home," sang Mancrow in raspy tones that made her shiver. "What seek you, Pinkie Pie, so far from home?"
"Good morning to you, Mancrow, bird of darkness," sang Pinkie in reply, her voice trembling. "You will die this bright morning."
"Good morning to you, Pinkie Pie, so far from home." Its tone was mocking. "I have already died, Pinkie Pie, so very far from my home."
Mancrow landed in front of her and drew itself up to its full height. "Whosoever sheds man's blood, by man shall her blood be shed!"
"Prophet!" shouted Pinkie. "Thing of evil! Prophet still, if bird or devil! Take thy beak from out my heart and take thy form from off my door!"
Mancrow replied, "Nevermore."
Pinkie's eyes shot open. Her spine was tingling, her knees were pinching, and her kidneys were aching. Any one of those things she might have ignored, but all of them together with such a bad dream? Her Pinkie Sense was trying to tell her something. Well, whatever it was, it would have to wait; her left ear began to twitch, a sign that the twins needed something.
Something about Sugarcube Corner felt wrong. Pinkie could feel it as she crept down the hall toward the babies' room. Cup Cake and Carrot Cake were snoring louder than usual, and something was off about the creaking of the floorboards.
A much louder creak came from the nursery, as though somepony was sitting in the rocking chair by their cribs. But if the Cakes were both asleep, then who . . .?
"Come in here, Pinkie," said a raspy voice. "You should say goodnight to the twins."
Her hooves felt like lead, but Pinkie managed the next few feet to the nursery. She swallowed hard against the feeling of abject horror at what she saw: the human, sitting in the rocking chair, holding Pound and Pumpkin in his arms. He raised a finger to his lips and whispered, "Quiet now, don't want to disturb them."
Pinkie relaxed slightly; the babies were burbling contentedly, their diapers had been changed, and they seemed to be falling asleep again. The human's black lips brushed against Pumpkin's forehead, causing her murmur softly as her eyes closed.
"Go back to your room and wait for me," he said quietly, "We have some business to discuss. If you aren't there by the time I arrive, I'll come back here and wring both of their little necks. I'll do the same to Cup Cake and Carrot Cake if I still can't find you after ten minutes. And don't bother trying to wake them; I put ground valerian root in their milk. Understand?"
Pinkie nodded and, woodenly, walked back to her room. She sat on her bed, her heart pounding like a drum in slow motion. After a minute that seemed like an eternity, he entered the room, closed the door behind him, and sat backwards on one of her chairs. For several minutes more he sat, staring at her without saying a word. Finally, Pinkie got up the courage to ask, "What do you want?"
"Let me answer that question by posing a few of my own," he said. "What is my happiest childhood memory? What is my saddest? What kind of jokes do I like? What is my favorite flavor of ice-cream?"
"I - I don't know," Pinkie stammered.
"Let's try some easier ones," said the human, bitterness rising in his voice. "What's my favorite color? What kind of parties do I like? Where do I live? How did I come to Equestria? What good deeds did I do before coming here? What crimes have I committed SINCE I came here?!"
Pinkie wracked her brains, but no answer came to her.
"You're missing too many questions, Miss Pie," he snarled, "Keep this up and you may have to repeat the course. But I'll tell you what; answer one little extra-credit question and I'll give you an A+ for the semester: What is my name? "
"I don't know." Pinkie hung her head in shame. "I don't know anything about you."
"And yet you judged me," he said, swallowing hard. "You and all your friends judged me unworthy of the friendship you claim to want to spread to all of Equestria's inhabitants, all because I was different. You knew nothing absolutely nothing about who I was, yet you saw nothing wrong with starving, ignoring, hitting, or even outright TORTURING ME!!!"
He was trembling with rage by this point. With a great effort of will, he forced himself to calm down. "My name is Jason. Say 'Jason,' Pinkie."
"Jason," she whispered, shaking in fright.
"Say 'please don't hurt me, Jason.'"
"Please don't hurt me, Jason."
"Say 'have pity, Jason.'"
"Have pity, Jason."
"Pity?!" He shouted the word as if hearing it for the first time. "Why should I? You never did!" And he placed his left hand upon Pinkie's forehead.
Jason stepped out of Rarity's boutique. Taking a second to use the door-scraper, he flipped the sign to "Closed" and strolled down Ponyville's empty streets. He wouldn't care to be a fly on the wall when Sweetie Belle came down the next morning and saw what had happened.
"What's with you?" asked the crow, landing on Jason's shoulder.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said indifferently. "Everything's going according to plan."
"It's a needlessly complicated plan. Why you can't just kill them and go back to sleep like the other revenants do?"
"That is not justice, they did not murder me."
"A technicality, Jason. Anyway, the dead don't care about justice, they only understand revenge."
"And what exactly is the difference?"
"Revenge is about making yourself feel better. Justice is about what's best for everyone."
"Then justice is the only revenge that will satisfy me. If I just kill them, I will be vilified and they will become martyrs. As badly as I was treated, how much more harshly will the ponies deal with the next human who finds himself here? How could I rest, knowing that? No, my only recourse is to ensure that their punishment fits their crime, and that said crime will be known to all."
The crow was silent for a while. Finally he fluffed his wings and said, "Well, let's hurry up and finish it, then. We don't have all eternity to square Death's books, you know."
"We're going after Rainbow Dash next," said Jason. "I'm going to enjoy this one."
A small sound made Jason stop in his tracks. He looked up and down the houses near him, and finally saw a small pink filly sitting on a front porch, crying.
"Go scout out Rainbow's house for me," said Jason to his familiar, "I'll meet you in fifteen minutes."
The crow nodded and flew off. Jason walked silently toward the crying filly, a second glance confirming what he suspected: it was Diamond Tiara. If she noticed him when he sat down beside her, she gave no indication. He could hear a mare and a stallion arguing loudly from inside the house, presumably her parents.
"Are you alright?" he asked softly. She finally looked up at him.
"Tomorrow's my birthday," she sniffed. "I don't think either of them even remember. Mama's been drinking a lot more than usual lately, and Daddy's been working later so he has an excuse to not come home before she passes out. They usually try not to fight on special occasions. My birthday isn't special enough anymore . . ."
She lay her head on his lap and cried harder. Jason gently stroked her mane and waited patiently for her to get a grip on herself.
"Sorry to dump my problems on you," she choked out after a while. She readjusted her tiara and turned to go back into the house.
"Don't be sorry," said Jason, "and don't go yet. I have something for you, something to help you when times are hard and things look bad."
"What is it?" she asked, coming within arm's reach of him. Jason said nothing, but gently placed the palm of his right hand against her forehead.
A wintry Christmas Eve day sleigh bells ringing a fire crackling in the hearth I love visiting Grandma and Grandpa during the holidays Uncle Charlie always tells such great stories the smell of fresh-baked cookies going sledding hate to go to sleep but Santa Claus comes tomorrow OH WOW I got the bicycle I wanted Mom loved what me and my sister got for her mmmm dinner was so good this was the best Christmas ever I've never been so happy
Small tears of happiness leaked out of Diamond Tiara's eyes. It was like she'd actually been there, experiencing all of those joys and delights on that human holiday. She'd never felt so much happiness and love in one room. "That was so beautiful," she whispered, "Why did you leave all of that to come here?"
"I don't remember," said Jason, his voice thickening slightly. "I gave that memory to you. I don't have it anymore."
"What?" A look of guilt crossed her face. "You can have it back if you want."
"No, you keep it," said Jason. "You need it more than I do right now. I can't promise that things in your life won't get worse, but they usually get better after they do."
"Thank you," she said. "Thank you so much . . . er, what's your name?"
"My name is Jason." He stood up. He needed to meet the crow soon. "I have to go, Diamond Tiara. I'll be leaving Equestria in the morning and I have things to take care of."
"Bye, Jason," she called, waving after him. "I'll miss you."
You're the only one who will, he thought.
Author's Note
I know it felt a little wrong just brushing over Rarity's chapter, but it just wasn't what I wanted to write about.
