It all started with a single letter, on a simple sunny day in the grandiose Anor Londo.
“Alright, let's see what this bullshit is all about.” An armored figure spoke aloud, wearing silver armor that glimmered in the sunlight. He gripped the piece of parchment in his gauntleted hand and scanned the page, the words ringing in his mind.
“Blah, blah, blah, ‘we regret to inform you’ blah, blah, blah.” He muttered to himself as he scoffed at the letter, his trusty bow in his other hand, a quiver of arrows strapped to his back, ready to be fired at approaching enemies.
Dear Faithful Black Knight,
We regret to inform you due to various complaints from esteemed visitors that we will be banning any further use of the Dragonslayer Bow in elevated areas in Anor Londo.
We apologize for any inconvenience caused.
“Seriously? Fuck this shit.” The Black Knight said to himself once again, discarding the letter with a flick of the wrist. He kicked the piece of paper off of the ledge and watched it glide slowly to the ground before he started walking over to his partner, whose name is Jim.
“What's going on?” Jim inquired as he pulled back an arrow, releasing his fingers and observed as it soared through the air. The larger-than-normal arrow punctured through an impending undead and flung it off the ledge, before the undead let out a gargled ‘Fuck you’. “It's not another marriage proposal, is it?” He asked with fear seeping into his voice.
The other Black Knight shook his head as he placed his bow against a nearby wall. “Nah. The pricks want us to stop shooting arrows at people. It's fucking bullshit, let me tell you.” The silver armored man informed, crossing his arms as another undead fell to its death, another vulgar term reverberating in Anor Londo for all to hear.
“So, what do we do? Do we actually do it or… What?” Jim dropped his bow onto the ledge they're standing on and weakly kicked a pebble that was on the ground. The Black Knight tapped his chin thoughtfully before he glanced to the castle behind them. They were given very specific orders, but even then, banning their most offensive weapon is a really stupid fucking move.
“Honestly? Fuck ‘em. Ornstein and Smough can deal with shit here, and there's still a whole bunch of other shit in there that can ward off attackers,” he said before turning to look at the same undead that keeps trying to get inside, the one who just got a lightning infused spear to asshole. “I say we go find somewhere else to fuck shit up.”
“I don't know… Wouldn't Lord Gywn be angry with us for disobeying his orders, Tom?” Jim extended his leg and kicked the undead off of the ledge once again, eliciting another curse from the plummeting enemy. The knight known as Tom chuckled as he patted Jim on the shoulder.
“What's he going to do, unhollow himself and come fuck us up? He’s gone bro, and I really don't give a shit. Come on, it'll be hilarious,” Tom retrieved his gigantic bow and gripped it tightly as a grin formed underneath of his horned helmet. “I even know the perfect spot.”
“And where's that?” Tom’s partner asked, shoving a sword through their persistent attacker, a very loud ‘God Fucking Damnit!’ resounding in the air.
“You'll see. You'll see.”
* * *
“Hah, get fucked mate!” Tom shouted hysterically as a black and sickly appearing horse let out a whinnie as it got struck by an arrow delivered by the laughing Black Knight. Rain showered on them endlessly, and therefore, it made the ramp even slippier than usual, hah! “Suck a dick, you bug-winged harlots, haha!”
The other Black Knight, Sir Jim the 3rd, let loose a torrent of arrows at their enemies, causing them to get flung off of the edge and into the abyss that was known as the bottom of Canterlot Mountain, home of Canterlot, which is also home of their new superiors, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.
After their signature weapons were banned in Anor Londo, the two soldiers decided to leave their posts and pursue a better spot, as well as a better job. They are doing the same exact shit as before, but at least they're being paid much more for shooting poor fucks to death. Tom and Jim were both very happy with their new situation.
“By the Gods, stop spamming fucking arrows!” A changeling screamed from behind a pillar, his little insect wings barely sticking out. One of the Black Knights grinned like a cheshire cat and with all of his strength, he pulled back an arrow and then released it, striking the wing. The changeling glided backwards and off of the ramp, and it screamed at them as it fell. “Fuck you, guys!”
“Give it up, already! You fucks can't get past us, we're just too inconceivably sexy and badass for you ugly assholes!” Tom hollered to the hiding changelings, none of them having the courage to peek their heads out for the fear of their heads to be taken off by the two Black Knights. “Surrender and maybe, just maybe, we won’t fuck your shit up too bad.” He said with his fingers a few centimeters away from each other.
“You know what, fuck the Queen’s orders and fuck you guys, and fuck your Marker!” The duo of archers blinked in confusion as the changelings turned around and started flying away, except they didn't. At all. They were shot down almost immediately. By Tom and Jim and their large bows.
The pair of archers chuckled as the two princesses came up them, warm smiles on their muzzles. “Congratulations, Sir Jim and Sir Tom, you have fended off of our enemies once again. We don't know how we can ever begin to repay you, but consider these a start.” Their horns glowed brightly and the two men ogled at the sight.
It was the Dragonslayer Bow, but it had a mechanism that allowed them to shoot a dozen arrows at once. The tips of Tom’s lips curled upwards into a wide grin as he grabbed the Dragonslayer Bow two point oh. Jim grabbed his own, as well.
“Let's fuck shit up some more, mate.”
Author's Note
Wrote this in like 5 minutes.
