Rainbow Dash and the Quest for the Lesbian Stuff

by fourths

Rating: teen
Tags: Rarity, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance
Length: 2927

“I love you, Rainbow.” “I love you too.” “We should do lesbian stuff.” “Yes. So much lesbian.”

“I love you, Rainbow.”

“I love you too.”

“We should do lesbian stuff.”

“Yes. So much lesbian.”

Art by Gammahoof.

Published 2016-08-01 03:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-01 03:10:01 UTC

It's not a very long quest, mind you.

Rainbow Dash had once declared—in front of all of her friends, no less—that she would never, ever, ever settle down. Love was for namby-pamby, prissy ponies, you see, like Fluttershy, or especially Rarity. Not that that was a bad thing, she had hastily added upon seeing the offended looks on her friends' faces. Because some of the nicest ponies are namby-pamby and filled with romance and mushy feelings like that. But Rainbow Dash? That was not the life for her.

But, if those sorts of things were not for her, then what was she doing? Why was she dangling off a high branch on a tall tree next to Rarity's Carousel Boutique, head tilted down to peer through the windows, trying to make out any trace of a certain white-coated unicorn? And why was there a medium-sized red foil-wrapped heart-shaped box balancing precariously on Rainbow Dash's muzzle, threatening to tip over at just the slightest motion?

Rainbow Dash would probably have been asking herself these questions if she could, but all the blood had gone to her head from hanging it upside down like that so she couldn't think about much of anything at the moment. However, she didn't have to; somepony else happened by below and did so for her.

"Hey, Rainbow Dash!" a chipper voice called from below. "What are you doing? Why are you dangling off a high branch on a tall tree next to Rarity's Carousel Boutique with your head tilted down to peer through the windows? And why is there a medium-sized red foil-wrapped heart-shaped box balancing precariously on your muzzle, threatening to tip over at just the slightest motion?"

In response, Rainbow Dash merely grunted and looked down, catching a glimpse of a distinctively messy pink mane that floofed up towards her. And yet... she moved. Only slightly, but she definitely moved. And you've got to know by now what happens when Rainbow moves, even if only in the slightest.

The heart-shaped box teetered... teetered... teetered... and fell. Instinctively, Rainbow Dash reached out a cerulean hoof to grab the thing, only for it to slip past her grasp.

Now, any sensible pegasus who was thinking straight in that moment would have unclasped herself from the branch and flown down to grab the box while it was still in midair. Rainbow Dash, however, was not particularly sensible and she certainly wasn't thinking straight with all that blood having gone to her head. So, while she definitely remembered the unclasping part of the plan, somehow she completely forgot to start flapping her wings. So, she fell too.

Equestria still has physics and gravity, of course, so both Dash and the box were falling with the same acceleration, which we can reasonably assume to be somewhere around 9.81 m/s², give or take. And yet Equestria also has air and therefore air resistance. It's been a while, but let's just assume, for the sake of argument, that Rainbow Dash weighs more than the box, which is mostly composed of foil-paper and cardboard. Which means that she would hit the ground first.

And she did hit the ground first, as a matter of fact, so we know the math checks out, even if that all seems pretty nebulous. She landed with great aplomb, sending a shudder through the ground upon impact, and she could nearly feel her bones vibrating. The foil-wrapped heart-shaped box came down soon afterwards, plopping down gracefully on Rainbow Dash's fuzzy blue outstretched tummy.

"Unnngh," she moaned, seeing stars.

"Silly filly, that's not much of an answer!" admonished the same chipper voice from before, adding an emphatic tsk, tsk for, well, emphasis. As Rainbow Dash's blurry vision became less blurry, she could make out the shape of Pinkie Pie's head looming over her, giving her a concerned look with those wide blue eyes of hers. "Hey, what's this?" she asked, reaching out with a hoof towards the heart-shaped box.

Rainbow Dash was a very fast pony, but she had never before moved as fast as she did in that moment. She jerked her body away, turning so that the box would land beneath her in the grass as she stood up above it. "H-hey, Pinkie. That's... erm... it's nothing."

Pinkie blinked. "It sure don't look like nothin'," she said, grinning. "In fact, it looks like a—"

The pink party pony would have kept going—believe me, she would have kept going—if not for the fact that Rainbow Dash had reached forward and shoved her hoof in Pinkie's mouth. This surprised Pinkie enough to get her to stop talking; she froze for a moment, looked down at Rainbow's hoof, and spit it out. "Ptooey," Pinkie spat, wiping her muzzle with a foreleg. "Urgh... Dashie, you don't taste so good."

"Well, you don't look so good," Rainbow retorted, rolling her eyes. "C'mon, Pinkie, I'm trying to... erm... do a thing."

"What kiiiiinda thing?" Pinkie asked, leaning in.

"Erm..." Rainbow scratched the back of her head. "A private thing."

"Oh!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Well, why didn't you say so? Let me leave you to your sapphic shenanigans, then." Grinning even wider, she turned about-face and pronked off down the street, away from Carousel Boutique.

Rainbow Dash let out a sigh, closing her eyes for a moment before she reached down and grabbed the fancy ribbon on the box between her teeth, careful not to unravel it. She took a step towards the front door of the boutique, only to pause.

"Wait, what does 'sapphic' mean?"

Twenty minutes later, Rainbow Dash was still standing outside the Carousel Boutique, heart-shaped box's ribbon still held firmly between her teeth. To an uninformed observer, it would almost have looked like Rainbow Dash were broken or petrified or something of the like, with how still she stood. Because let's face it—Rainbow Dash simply doesn't stand that still.

But informed observers like ourselves would know that Rainbow Dash wasn't doing nothing, and in fact was moving with a great speed—or, her mind was, in any case. She was thinking, and although that is more Twilight Sparkle's wont, there's no reason why Rainbow Dash can't think too.

You see, Rarity hadn't been anywhere in sight when Rainbow climbed onto the tree and gazed into her bedroom window. So, it was very much possible that she wasn't at home, and therefore she would not be able to hear if Rainbow knocked on the door. And yet, at the same time, Rarity's room wasn't the whole boutique; there was a very real possibility that Rarity was lounging about in some heretofore unseen part of the building and could very easily hear if Rainbow knocked. And yet, Rainbow still wasn't exactly sure whether she had the wherewithal to actually go through with it (though Rainbow really was thinking about whether she had "the guts", considering that she didn't know what "wherewithal" meant, nor had she ever heard of the word).

And so it was in these circles that Rainbow's train of thought spiralled around in, so maybe her thoughts weren't quite as sophisticated as Twilight Sparkle. Nonetheless, she did have them. And, once twenty minutes had passed, Rainbow Dash finally sucked it up and trotted the final step towards that purple front door of Carousel Boutique, closing her eyes as she raised a hoof.

Rainbow reached out and knocked.

Except what her hoof made contact with was much softer than the door.

"Augh!" a prissy voice shrieked in pain. Rainbow Dash opened her eyes to see Rarity standing in the doorway, hoof clutched over her eye.

"Oh goddess, oh goddess, I'm so so so so sorry," Rainbow hastily apologised, dropping the heart-shaped box on the ground next to the door. She leaned in, concerned. "Is there anything I can do?"

"R-Rainbow?" Rarity stammered, looking up at the pegasus with her good eye. "Darling, did you just... hit me?"

Rainbow bit her lip. "Well, I was more trying to hit on you, but..." She let that sentence trail off upon seeing Rarity's glare. "What I mean to say is... I was just trying to knock on your door, and I didn't see that you'd opened it. Super sorry."

Rarity let out a sigh, lowering her hoof from her face. "It's... fine. It doesn't seem like you actually hit my eye, because I can still see perfectly fine, but I will need to go put some ice on it, if you'll excuse me." She made to turn around, but then looked back at the pegasus. "Oh, and come inside, won't you? I'm curious to know just why you came to knock on my door. Or, well, my face."

Rainbow gulped as she watched the white mare recede into the depths of the boutique. She reached down to pick up the heart-shaped box again, and then stepped inside, pushing the door softly to a close behind her.

The showroom of the Carousel Boutique had been filled nearly to the brim with ponyquins dressed in only the most fabulous of outfits—so, Rainbow Dash, desiring not to disturb them by sitting in the wrong place, moved through this room quickly and through a doorway she had never noticed before. She discovered it led to a small room with a large, many-panelled window that overlooked the green outside. Rainbow paid this little mind, however; she merely took a place on the small white satin sofa and, dropping the heart-shaped box beside her, lazily lay her head back and stared up at the ceiling. For a few moments she just sat there, breathing deeply to assuage her quick-beating heart.

"I see you've found the sitting room," she heard Rarity say. Rainbow looked up to see the unicorn standing in the doorway, an ice pack wrapped in cloth levitating beside her face. "I had been considering getting rid of that sofa; it's not very comfortable, and you know white looks dirty quite easily."

"I-I think it's comfortable enough," Rainbow replied, "and white looks... pretty schnazzy to me." Her cheeks were tinged red. "I mean... whatever. You okay?"

"Yes, I'm going to be fine," Rarity replied. She continued into the room, trotting over to the sofa where she sat down next to Rainbow. For a moment, they both sat in silence, though Rainbow couldn't help but keep stealing glances in the corner of her vision at Rarity's perfectly-styled mane.

"Funny," Rarity finally said. "You know, a sofa this small is often called a... loveseat."

Rainbow blinked, and her heart fluttered. She shifted her hooves where she sat. "O-oh? Is that so?"

Rarity looked to Rainbow, and her eyes darted down to the box. "That box is very red, darling."

Rainbow nodded. "Mhm."

"And shaped like a heart, I notice."

"Yes..."

"And"—Rarity made a show of sniffing the air—"is that chocolate I smell?"

"Ohmygodjusttakeitalready!" Rainbow quickly grabbed the box and thrust it towards Rarity, holding it out in front of her. "Please! It's for you!"

Rarity giggled, and set the ice down on the table beside the loveseat. She enveloped the box in her blue magical aura, pulling it from Rainbow's grasp and then holding it in front of her face as she eyed the foil. "I do like the texture," she remarked. "It's not that different from canvas."

"Ohgoddessjustopenitplease." Rainbow Dash was teetering back and forth, biting her lip nearly to the point of bleeding.

"I'm getting to that, darling." Rarity carefully untied the bow with her magic and then slid the lid off. Inside, as she expected, were more than a dozen heart shaped chocolates set in the plastic. "Oh, Rainbow..."

Rainbow was sweating bullets and was having a hard time looking at Rarity but she did her best. "I just got this for you to say... um... I kinda..." She paused, scratching her head. "I like you, Rarity."

Rarity didn't reply at first; she merely set the box of chocolates on the end table and picked the ice back up, gently pressing it to her face once more. Rainbow watched as she did this, trying to gauge Rarity's reaction. When Rarity said nothing more, Rainbow felt her stomach churn.

"Rares, I'm... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"No," Rarity said, turning to look at the pegasus next to her. To Rainbow's surprise, the unicorn was grinning—not a mischievous grin like Rainbow often wore, but a warm, understanding grin. "Rainbow, I'm... I'm so glad you told me." She reached out a hoof, putting it around Rainbow who allowed herself to be pulled close. The fuzz between them was palpable. "To tell you the truth... I feel the same way. I've felt the same way for a long time."

Rainbow blinked. "Y-you have?"

Rarity nodded. "From the outside, maybe, we appear so different. And yet... you're beautiful, darling, and you're driven. You have a goal—your heart's desire—and you can't help but pursue it." She paused, and her lips curved. "Just like you can't help but pursue... me."

Rainbow Dash squeaked out a reply—some sort of affirmation—but it was cut off by Rarity leaning in, her hot breath brushing against Rainbow's cheeks, and then suddenly she was being smooched. On the lips. Holy crap. Rainbow nearly fell back off the loveseat but she was held in place by Rarity's hoof and after a moment she figured out what going on and smooched the unicorn back.

"Oh goddess," Rainbow breathed as she pulled away. "I've been waiting to do that for, like, forever."

"I will admit, it feels a bit... freeing," Rarity replied, still smiling. She reached up a hoof and brushed a lock of rainbow hair out of the pegasus' face. "I love you, Rainbow."

Rainbow gulped. "I love you too."

Rarity grabbed the pegasus, pulling her into a fuzzy hug. She leaned her muzzle up to her ear and whispered, "We should do lesbian stuff."

"Yes," Rainbow murmured in reply. "So much lesbian."

They sat there in each other's embrace for some time, eventually shifting over so that Rainbow was lying across the loveseat and Rarity was draped over her much like a tablecloth, except she was a little heavier and much fuzzier and more prone to random bouts of snuggling the not-table beneath her. So enraptured they were by their cuddling that they didn't notice a certain purple dragon walk by the window, stop upon the sight of Rainbow's and Rarity's entwined tails, and shuffle away quickly with a claw over his face.

"So, about that lesbian stuff..." Rarity finally said, after the fifteenth Rainbow-squeeze.

"I'm ready for lesbian stuff when you are," Rainbow replied, grinning. "I just can't believe it."

"Me neither, darling. Me neither." Rarity slid off Rainbow, standing up beside the loveseat. "If we're going to be doing lesbian things, we are going to need sapphic supplies."

"There's that word again," Rainbow mumbled.

"What is it, dear?" Rarity asked, tilting her head. "Didn't quite catch that."

"Er... nothing!" Rainbow replied, stretching. "So, any idea where we might... uh... get those?"

Rarity smiled. "Well, I know Pinkie knows Minuette well, so she might have some." She moved towards the door. "You coming, darling?"

"Y-yeah, totally!" Rainbow leapt up from the loveseat, fluttering her wings and hovering over to Rarity. "Let's do this!"

Rarity adjusted her red-framed glasses, looking down intently as she held out her hooves. "Rainbow, please be a dear and hold still or else this won't work."

"Ugh, but Rarity..." Rainbow complained, twitching away once more from the latex. "It just feels weird." She rubbed the area where the latex had been, wincing slightly.

Rarity frowned. "But Rainbow... I thought you liked me. I thought you wanted to do this!"

"Hmph," Rainbow harrumphed, leaning back into Rarity's bedsheets. "I thought when you said 'lesbian stuff', you meant, like, übercuddling or something. Not, well... this." She gestured towards the latex, which was now levitating beside Rarity. "Why do we even need that, anyway? Couldn't you just make one out of something else?"

Rarity sighed, and threw herself into Rainbow's arms, snuggling up to her new girlfriend. "I just... I just thought using dental dams would be special, darling. And especially lesbian, at that. But if you would be willing to let me make you a dress out of boring old fabric, then of course I'll do that." She smiled, looking up at Rainbow. "I love the way your mane looks against the sheets."

"Th-thanks, Rares," Rainbow replied. She nuzzled Rarity's cheek. "I'm sorry that this didn't work out, after all you did for me."

"Oh, hush—it's no big deal," Rarity replied, looking wistful. "I'll have to figure out something to do with this dress, though."

Rainbow hummed, thinking. "Weren't you saying just the other day that Sapphire Shores was looking for some new and creative costume ideas?"

Rarity blinked. "You were paying attention?"

"Of course," Rainbow said, scratching Rarity's head with a hoof. "I had a crush on you, 'member?"

"Right, right." Rarity paused, snuggling against a tuft of fur on Rainbow's chest. "Yes, that is a splendid idea. I'll call her right up and see if she's interested." The unicorn shifted, attempting to roll off Rainbow so she could get up, but the pegasus held on tight, pulling Rarity back down to the soft mattress with a fwoof.

"Stayyy," Rainbow cooed, squeezing Rarity tight.

"Fiiiiiiiiine," Rarity replied, rolling her eyes as she let herself go limp, allowing Rainbow Dash to snuggle and cuddle her however she pleased. She felt a little silly just laying there, being Rainbow's to do as Rainbow wished.

...But damn if she didn't enjoy it.