Hard to Be an Alicorn

by Romuald

Rating: everyone
Tags: Granny Smith, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Twilight Sparkle, Big Macintosh, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2871

You stumble, fall, pass out, come to senses – and get a horn (or wings, or even both wings and a horn, if you haven't had any of them before). The most uncommon story happens to a very common pony, who is by no means ready to such a turn of events.

You stumble, fall, pass out, come to senses – and get a horn (or wings, or even both wings and a horn, if you haven't had any of them before). The most uncommon story happens to a very common pony, who is by no means ready to such a turn of events.

The story "Hard to Be an Alicorn" was originally written in Russian by Hiux and Romuald. It was translated into English by me with Hiux's permission.

Published 2016-07-28 03:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-28 03:40:01 UTC

Chapter 1

The morning is beautiful. The sun is shining brightly, breeze is blowing softly, the birds are singing cheerfully... so it's perfect time for some cleaning in the garden! - Applejack thought as she woke up, and because such an idea did not allow to lie in bed for too long, she jumped out of bed, took her hat from the nightstand and slapped it on her head. That was just when the troubles began.

The hat stubbornly resisted being slapped on. Applejack turned it over in her hooves and inspected from all sides, but she didn't find anything suspicious; it was as brown and cowboy-ish as it was supposed to be. Applejack tried to slap it on one more time - and failed again. Then she decided to check whether there was something stuck in her mane. Her hoof immediately met a long and hard object which obviously had not been there the previous day. Applejack rushed to the mirror.

"Oh darn!" cried Applejack when she saw her reflection, and then fainted for the first time in her entire life.

"What’s happened to me?" Applejack asked in a weak voice as soon as she opened her eyes. The question was addressed to Granny Smith who was setting an ice pack on Applejack's forehead.

"Oh, Ah'm afraid to say, mah filly. We've already sent for Princess Twilight Sparkle, she’ll be here soon... nah-nah, keep down, - Granny Smith held Applejack and tried to put her back to bed, - she’ll come any moment, she knows what to do, that’s for sure."

Indeed, it was not long before the Princess came to the farmers. Her majesty Twilight Sparkle, who had not relied on Equestrial railways and done all the journey from Canterlot to Ponyville on her own wings, flied into the front door of the farm.

"Where is the injured pony?" Twilight asked a moment later after she had crossed threshold.

Granny Smith stepped aside from the bed without saying a word, allowing Twilight to come close. Applejack huddled up.

"Oh, come on, don't be afraid, it won't definitely be worse than in my case," Twilight encouraged her and pulled the blanket down.

Applejack with a blank look stared at her two gorgeous wings, which covered almost the whole bed even when being folded.

"Well, this is a typical case of alicornization," Twilight stated.

"What do ya mean by "typical"?" Applejack stood up in amazement, and the ice pack started slipping off her forehead, but got stuck on the base of her horn.

"You're not the first, you're not the last," Twilight took a breath, and her voice sounded calm and even a little bored. "It is growing into an epidemic. At first Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and me flew all over Canterlot and suburbs, and helped the poor victims, but soon when we found out that everything went almost the same way, we made a guide and taught a dozen of ponies who had been alicornized first. So now they give a briefing to the new victims. In fact, one of these alicorns on duty was to have worked with you, but… well, let's start at last.
Twilight put on graveness and began her briefing.

Point one. Alicornization may happen to anyone at any time, but so far there have been no cases of dealicornization, so we can consider this phenomenon irreversible..."

"Do you wanna say Ah'll have this fer the rest of mah life?!" Applejack cried and pointed to her horn with one of her hooves, and to her wings with another one.

"Exactly," Twilight nodded without any expression. "This brings us to point two: as long as alicornization is instant, unpredictable and irreversible, the most important thing if it has happened to you is not to panic, because you can't change it back anyway."

"It’s easy to say!" Applejack cried, but fell silent after meeting Twilight's stare.

"Do you think it went smoothly for me?" the Princess asked in a suppressed voice and slightly bent forward, but went back after a moment.

"Excessive disquiet might lead to dire consequences, because each alicorn possesses powerful magical abilities, which can get out of control during emotional stress. Especially in case of the ponies who haven't got a bit of experience in magic," Twilight gazed at Applejack, and went on.

"Point three. Alicorns are special creatures who are alloted - it's perfectly obvious - a special mission. Absence of the special mission or impossibility of its accomplishment causes the deterioration in an alicorn’s well-being up to deep apathy and physical exhaustion. There are several ways to avoid it, and the best one, from practical experience, is to make alicorns rulers of large or small kingdoms."

"Sweet Celestia, where we gonna find so many kingdoms to be enough fer all?" Applejack fell on her pillow in despair.

"This issue will be discussed by the Board of Princesses," Twilight said dryly. "Transition of Equestria to federal structure is not improbable. But on the bright side, according to point four, in case of impossibility to provide an alicorn with real reins of government, one should give him/her at least a veneer of them. Such a measure must inhibit destructive processes in the alicorn's organism and buy time until an appropriate special mission for him/her will be found."

"Oh gosh..." Applejack groaned covering her eyes with her hooves.

"Granny Smith, Big Macintosh, Apple Bloom," Twilight said to the members of the Apple family who stood nearby. "I need your active cooperation."

"We're ready!" exclaimed Granny Smith. "Anything ya say, yer Majesty!"

"Firstly, Applejack must be addressed in accordance with her new position - in the plural, and begin your address with the words "princess" or "your Majesty". Secondly, you must release her from any kind of hoof work. Thirdly, her home must look as close as possible to the residence of a monarch (I rely on your creativity). Fourthly, you must obey all her orders to satisfy her organism’s growing demand for public’s worship and obedience. Well, now I beg your pardon, but the royal duties can't wait. I'll keep an eye on your problem," Twilight said and went to the exit. She turned around when she was beyond the door.

"And one more thing. Applejack, don't even try to use your wings or magic please. Do you promise?"

"Ah promise," Applejack whispered almost inaudibly.

Twilight nodded, took off - and left in a flash.

The Apple family stared at Applejack waiting for her orders. The poor farmer covered her face with a pillow trying not to burn with shame.

"Be careful, yer Majesty, watch yer step," Big Makintosh was trying to be as courtly as he could, but Applejack, who stumbled along beside him on stiff legs, was tottering dangerously, almost falling down, every time when she heard mention of her current state.

"Do come in, yer Majesty, here is yer throne hall," Granny Smith announced solemnly when four ponies led by Applebloom (she couldn't miss the chance to lead the royal procession), reached the barn, which now became the throne hall of her Majesty princess Applejack.

The "subjects" of Applejack really did their best: the barn was painted and pretty clean inside. All unnecessary things - that were the ones that could remind about a farmer’s manual labor which was not appropriate for a monarch - were removed, the windows were draped with curtains made of festive table-clothes, and right in the middle of the barn a throne stood. It was a rather rough and bulky construction made of flat and varnished planks. Above the throne there was a shield with the image of Applejack's cutiemark, drawn as accurate as possible. Undoubtedly, the shield was meant to serve as the Royal Standard.

The heroine of all that turmoil was wryly looking at the splendor built for her.

"Thank ya, mah dears," Applejack whispered very quiet.

"Her Majesty thanks you!" Applebloom exclaimed immediately, apparently intending to take place of a royal bellpony.

"But ya shouldn’t have removed all the stuff from the barn – neither a cart nor the tools. There is no other place to keep them in."

"Her Majesty does not want the royal property to be damaged!"

"Once Ah am to stay here fer long, Ah think the tools need to be carried to mah old room.”

"Her Majesty orders..."

"Will ya keep quiet!"

Applebloom shut up immediately: there was no sense in talking back to the big sister, especially to the big sister the alicorn.
"All will be done as ya wish," - Big Makintosh said with a bow, than he and Granny Smith walked to the door and nudged balking Applebloom before them.

Applejack went to the window and stared at the Sun which was slowly going down. Suddenly it stopped, then began to climb back, stopped again, resumed its usual way, but soon got stuck. Apparently, a newbie alicorn decided to prolong the sunset for own pleasure, but princess Celestia did not like such a mistreatment of the Orb of the Day. The sun abruptly swayed and fell below the horizon. For quite a long time, there was total darkness, where only a glimpse of rare star made little light, but princess Luna didn't raise the Moon in the sky, maybe out of fear that it would behave exactly like the Sun, maybe in the hope to scare thoughtless alicorns with a threat of eternal night.

Applejack sighed sadly and lay down on the floor by the throne to sleep.

When Applejack opened her eyes, the Sun was shining brightly through the windows.

"Here’re the fruits of a ruler's life," - Applejack thought bitterly - "When Ah hadn’t this stupid horn, I used to rise with the sun, but now I snore half of the day away. What’s next?! No way! Ah don’t care about the instructions, Ah’m getting to work right now!"

Applejack flung out of her throne hall and rushed to the house. At the door she ran into Granny Smith.

"Good morning, sugar... Ah mean yer Majesty princess Applejack," - Granny said.

"Don't ‘princess’ me, is that clear? Where is the applecart? Where is the rake? I must tend to the orchard right now!"

"But Twilight said ya mustn't work..."

"Yes, but Ah mustn't idle even more! Ah used to rise with the Sun, but look at me now! Ah sleep almost till noon like a damn princess!"
"Well..." - Granny Smith stumbled - "the Sun has just risen."

"How could it be possible?" - Applejack looked at her in astonishment.

"As ya see, yer Majesty, it was completely dark outside ten minutes ago, but then midnight suddenly turned into noon. Do ya know the reason, maybe?" - Granny Smith timidly asked dumbfounded Applejack.

"Yer Majesty, please return to the throne hall," - Granny Smith pleaded - "Yer subjects are waiting fer an audience."

Applejack hung down her head and plodded to her place of fulfilling royal duties.

Big Macintosh was the first who entered the barn. He bowed as gracious as he could, and gave to Applejack a sheet of paper filled with writing.

"What is this?" – Applejack asked.

"The list of things to do on the farm today," - the red stallion answered.

"But what fer? We... Ah mean ya now... Well, each of ya perfectly knows what to do, so what's the use of all these ceremonies?"

"Princess Twilight told that ya should be like a true ruler in all ways, and to sign various kinds of decrees is one of the royal duties.

"Really? Oh yes, Ah forgot. Thank ya, Big Mac. So, where should Ah sign?" - Applejack asked.

"Wherever yer Majesty pleases," - the stallion answered.

"Will a stamp do instead?"

"Of course!"
Applejack grabbed the sheet, threw it on the floor and stomped on it with her hoof, then she picked the sheet up and gave it back to Big Macintosh.

"Thank ya!" - the stallion bowed again and went out.

Applejack sadly followed him with her eyes. Then there was a knock at the door.

"Yes, come in!" - Applejack shouted.

Granny Smith appeared before the princess of the apple farm. She held a paper in her teeth too.

"Another decree?" - Applejack asked fatalistically.

Granny Smith nodded.
"Then we will settle this thing in a moment," - the princess said and repeated the procedure.

When her petition was approved, the old farmer bowed and went out.

"Is it that all that any ruler's work consists of?" - Applejack thought out loud, standing in the middle of the empty barn, - "Ah never thought that it was so boring to be a ruler."

There was another knock at the door
"Come in!" - Applejack answered with a sigh.

The trio of the Cutie Mark Crusaders immediately appeared on the threshold. Each of the little fillies held some item in her mouth. They made several steps forward, simultaneously put the items on the floor of the barn, and stepped back. Applebloom addressed Applejack, smiling brightly.

"Greetings, your Majesty! We have come to you about important business. It's widely known that any ruler can't be successful without the proper re..re... regalia - that's it! – and since you don't have them yet we have decided to help you to get them. We have managed to find a crown, a scepter, and an orb. Obviously you want to know where exactly we have found them, don’t you? Well... The scepter is the handle of our old hammer with a gemstone set on it. The gemstone was generously given to us by Rarity. – wasn’t it, Sweetie? You see, it's true! The orb is a gilded sculpture of an apple which stood on the shelf and gathered dust for many years (to be honest, there was a base with a plate, so we had to remove it). The crown was presented us by Pinkie Pie, and has a great advantage: it is made of finest chocolate, so if your Majesty will suddenly get hungry..."

"G-g-get out of here!" - Applejack yelled, purple with rage.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders rolled head over hooves out of the barn, and the monarch accessories were thrown one after the other after them. The only thing clear was that the attempt to get courtier cutiemarks totally failed.

"It is so hard to be a monarch! Everypony bothers you with their stupid tricks!"- Applejack raged - "Blast it all!"

Then her horn started to glow, magic aura covered the throne, and it flew up to the very ceiling. Applejack got scared - she had never used magic before – the glow of her horn went out, and the throne fell back to the floor and broke to pieces.
Applejack cooled down at once.

"It's not only boring and hard but also dangerous to be a monarch," - she whispered, staring at the pile of broken planks.
There was another knock at the door.

"Ah am seeing no one today!" - Applejack screamed, frightened.

"It's me, Twilight Sparkle," – the voice from the outside said.

"Twilight!" – Applejack rushed to open the door, beside herself with joy.

"So, certain difficulties have arisen," - Twilight said once inside - "The number of alicorns is increasing, the number of common ponies is decreasing, but no new kingdoms are expected."

"And is there no hope to find a way to turn oneself back?"

"I'm afraid not."

"What is to be done?" - Applejack wrung her hooves in despair.

"It looks as if hard times are coming to Equestria. We should hold on somehow though. As I see, you've already got everything set up, and very well," - Twilight said, looking around - "What's that?" - She asked, pointing at the pile of wreckage.

"Mah throne. Or rather so it was. Ah did it by accident" - Applejack hung her head.

"But I asked you not to use magic. This is only a small harm, you see yourself what is happening to the Sun."

"By the way, what's wrong with it?"

"Princess Celestia has to keep it at zenith, where it is safe from the magic of various troublemakers so far. Sunsets and sunrises are temporarily cancelled; from now on the march of day and night will be strictly according to schedule... By the way, what time is it?"
Applejack looked at the wall clock.

"Half past five."

"Oh no, night begins in half an hour, and I should be in Canterlot before dark!" - Twilight gasped - "I don't know when we will meet again, but remember, you're the ruler of your farm, and from now on the well-being of all its inhabitants is in your hooves. Good bye and good luck!" - Twilight shouted running out of the barn.

In half an hour sharp the Sun rushed under the horizon but the Moon wasn't going to come out.
Applejack stared off into the total darkness of sudden night, sighed fatalistically and for the nth time muttered a few sharp words about the one who had concocted this story.

Author's Note

The story "Hard to Be an Alicorn" was originally written in Russian by Hiux and Romuald. It was translated into English by me with Hiux's permission.