All the world's a stage

by Lunafilly

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 1504

An alternate universe fanfiction where the mane six are the stars of My Little Pony.

So picture this. Equestria is real, but FiM is just a television show, albeit a successful one, where the mane six are actors. And they hate their lives. Until windigoes find their home. Then everything changes.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-03 02:36:15 UTC

Silly. Sparkly. Stupid.

If life imitated art, then the world would be a much more livable place, thought Twilight Sparkle. Of course, it didn't. So it wasn't. So FiM would remain what it had always been. Silly. Sparkly. Stupid. Good for a laugh, but never creating lasting smiles. Nothing made the world better. Nothing ever could. Everything, her whole life, revolved around that. Nothing. Gets. Better. Anything less was rejecting reality. Reality. Hard and cold. Always. It wasn't love that made the world go around, like the stupid old cliche. It was gravity. She screamed it, knowing nopony would hear her. "GRAVITY!" There. That felt better. Not that much better. Never. Why did it hurt so much? She didn't know. She was well off, etcetera etcetera. But that didn't help. It never did. Why would it? She had already established that nothing mattered. It was all so stupid. As far as she was concerned, nopony cared for her. Nopony wanted her. She would just have to live with it. Except it was a lie. But she didn't know it.

I'm the Dash

Rainbow Dash walked out to the cheering crowd. They screamed her name. She was on top of the world, over the moon with joy. Everything was right in the world. Or so it seemed to her. She flew above the crowd, doing loop-de-loops and barrel roles. She blew kisses at the crowd, tossing down signed copies of her book. It was unusually mobbed, even for a Rainbow Dash appearance. She didn't care. She loved it, the way the called out: "You're the Dash! You're the Dash!" It was like her catchphrase. On hard mornings (they were few) she would say it to herself. "I'm the Dash!" But today it was the crowd. "You're the Dash!" Then she would say: "Louder!" They would howl out: "YOU'RE THE DASH!" Then she asked for more, more adoration: "I can't hear you!" That would do it: "YOU'RE THE DASH!!!" She loved it, every minute. The praise. She drank it in like it was water and she'd been lost in the desert for a week. How could she help it? She was a natural star.

Let's play pretend

She went through the lyrics to her song. This one, she would never sing to the public. "Let's play pretend. False front to the end. Diva on the outside, crying within, and they all say lying is a terrible sin..." Would it ever get better, would she ever have the courage to show the truth? No, because it was a lack of courage she was hiding. Her friends didn't know her. Nopony did. She knew, in the back of her mind, the truth would come out eventually. But she ignored it. Because that's why ponies lie. In the spotlight, she could fake it. But alone? Not a chance. She couldn't do anything for herself. She had it all. Except what she really wanted. Courage.

Not just paint

The only real one. The only real blank flank. Scootaloo, Sweetiebelle, they both had their cutie marks. But for Applebloom, it wasn't just paint. Oh sure, once she was on the show, the teasing had slowed, nearly stopped. But that wasn't the problem. She was the problem. She hurt her own feelings, she was giving herself that feeling of inadequacy. Who needs bullies when you're your own worst enemy. For her, it was more than just paint. It was a problem.

Let's go have a little fun

"Whoo!" Applejack ran into her bedroom and flung open her closet. Bon Bon had invited her over to her country club. It wasn't like she couldn't get a membership herself, but she liked hanging out with her friend better. She looked through her swimsuits, and decided on a bright pink bikini. She pulled it on and threw a coverup over it, then slipped on her wedge sandals and ran out the door. "Taxi!" A yellow checkered carriage pulled up. "Where to, Ma'm?" the driver asked politely. Applejack yelled out: "'Star Stud country club!'" She was sped there and promptly went through the gates to the pool. After she met Bon Bon, the two mares changed into their swimsuits and went for a swim. The cool water on her face and the bubbles in her mane felt wonderful. She always felt graceful when she was in the water. There could never be a slip, or a misstep. Just flowing, rippling, perfection. After a while, they got out of the water, and went to sunbathe. "Gosh, at least the paparazzi have better things to do today," said Applejack. "Yup," replied Bon Bon. They didn't talk much after that. Just sat there soaking up the sun. Then Bon Bon abruptly turned her head and said: "C'mon AJ, let's go have a little fun!" The rest of the night was a colorful blur. When Applejack finally woke up, her apartment was trashed and had beer cans all over the floor, her car had a big dent in it, and there was a tattoo on her left hoof that hadn't been there before. Perfect.

Trainwreck

Trainwreck. Ticking time bomb. A disaster waiting to happen. It rung in Scootaloo's ears like some one-hit wonder nopony would stop singing. A song she hated. Because of her parents. Nopony would ever judge her on her actions. Only her parents. What they had done. And so everyone gave her that look, the "Oh, poor Scootaloo, too bad her life is going to suck" look. No matter what she did, no matter what success she found. Still with the pity. It made her want to scream. The anger showed in the decor of her room. Splashed paint on the wall, a steel loft bed with ripped up throw pillows. Heavy metal music playing at full blast. It had been three years since Wind Whistler adopted her. She still hated everypony. The audition, for the part, had seemed like a bright spot, a solution. No such luck. It didn't bring her respect, just magnified the pity. She screamed and kicked the wall. "I HATE THIS!" she yelled. She wasn't sure what "this" meant. It was an all-encompassing expression. If it was an expression. Maybe it was only rage.

The only one smiling

Pinkie Pie sat crying on the floor of Twilight's library. This happened frequently. "They... they got mad Twilight. They didn't like my invitations. They kept asking how I got their address."

"Pinkie, not everypony loves your parties. I wish things could be more like the show too. But that's not the way it is. She paused the FiM episode she had been watching, a shot of the elements of harmony together. "You see that, Pinkie? It's not real. They're not real."

The pink pony spoke again: "I know, Twilight. I just feel like I'm the only one smiling."

She sang as she walked down the street, thinking how much better things should be. "I would just be so happy, a smile'd fill me with glee. If I could finally get a smile, that'd be special to me." She walked back home, feeling mournful. She wished somepony could cheer her up. But nopony did. Nopony ever did. It seemed like all days were lonely and sad, not just some. And nopony showed her that it wasn't that bad. She walked back to her house. It was a nice house, but she wished she really did live above a bakery. Another wish. If wishes were cake, then she'd have a great big ginormous pile of cake. Most especially, she wished that all of her friendships were real. Wish. Wish. Wish.

A real laughingstock

Rarity walked into her penthouse apartment. She pulled off her false mane and tail extensions, revealing a short, spiked look. She pulled on her fluffy gray bathrobe, and turned on her iPony. She started blasting Parasprite. "If I'm a bad pony, you don't like me..." She hated the My Little Pony show. But she had a contract. She needed that big paycheck. But she hated the stupid ponies she had to work with. She hated the way she was portrayed. A silly little filly, a prissy, stuck-up prig. Sometimes she just wanted to scream. That character had one thing right: She was a laughingstock. But a real laughingstock. And it had nothing to do with pretty dresses. The whole show was just one giant cash cow. It existed to sell toys and merchandise. Nothing more.

And the whole "Friendship is Magic" thing was just a big load of crap. Magic, real magic, comes from intense focus. Not from the "Power of Friendship". She sighed. She hated her identity to Equestria at large. Why did things have to be so terrible? Rarity made a halfhearted attempt to cheer herself up: "There are plenty of ponies who are worse off than me." It didn't work. There were the paparazzi. She'd better answer the door, if only to shout a few curses and toss an apple at them.