"That was completely unnecessary." Ryan grumbled as he sat on the edge of Twilight's bathtub, his face bearing a few small cuts and one black eye. "And how did I not notice that you ponies have nails?"

You tell us, jackass.

"I'm gonna have to agree with your Superego on this one." Twilight added, mostly as a harmless comment. She opened the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, grabbing a number of supplies with her hands and magic. "But, going back to that scuffle you had with my friends, I don't think I can really blame them for attacking you."

"Firstly; His name is Fucktard, at best." He corrected.

Go to Hell!

"And secondly, under no circumstances did I deserve any of the beatings I received." Ryan explained, lifting a hand to his face and gingerly poking at some of the scratches adorning it.

"I'm pretty sure you did." Twilight came back, soaking a small rag with rubbing alcohol. "You can't just give an energy drink to somepony like Pinkie and lock her in a room with some other pony for a whole day! Rainbow Dash is probably going to need therapy." She took a moment to think about her friend, how her eyes shined with pure horror directly into her soul when she had finally been released from the room Ryan locked her in. She shuddered at the memory.

Ryan ignored the look Twilight had and continued his verbal assault on the Pegasus. "Good, I hope she has PTSD."

Twilight's eye narrowed at Ryan, her arms crossing as if to scorn him for his words. "That's not nice."

"Well neither am I." He argued, only for Twilight to respond by throwing the alcohol soaked rag at his face. "Ah! My eyes!" He yelled, falling backward and landing into the tub. "God, damn it all! It burns!"

Son of a biscuit eating fuck!

"Where are we going?" Ryan asked as he followed Twilight through Ponyville. He had a sour look on his face, seeing how a majority of it was dried out and red from the burning sensation that still coursed through his wounds, it was understandable.

"I'm dropping you off at Rarity's." She replied, almost making it sound as though doing this was some kind of chore.

He gave her a look that emanated with discontent. "Why; don't trust me all of a sudden?"

Twilight stopped, causing him to do the same in turn. She turned around and gave him a warm smile as she placed a hand on his cheek. "Sweetie, I do trust you. I trust that you would never do anything to hurt me and would even protect me at the cost of your own life." This earned a smile from the human, until he watched her face shift from loving to stern. "But, I don't trust that you won't go around tormenting everypony else."

She makes a fair point.

Ryan's expression went sour once again. "So now I need a babysitter?"

"Don't think of her as a baby sitter." Twilight said as she started walking for the Boutique. "Think of her as more of a watchful eye to make sure you don't start burning down my friends' homes."

Fuck; There goes Project Arson! See it? There it goes! Like a crying baby out of a close window, it falls to the ground, only to be hit by a semi before it can reach the fucking concrete!

Twilight's expression quickly changed once again, this time to something almost fearful. "That was...unsettling."

"You get used to it." Ryan said, shrugging off the comment like it was nothing.

"I don't think I want to." They finally reached Rarity's Boutique/home, Twilight knocking on the door with just enough force for the unicorn within to hear her.

Rarity opened the door to greet them. She was dressed in black yoga pants, the waist of them were pulled up to her stomach and covering the hem of a cut off red tank top. "Good morning, darlings." She flashed them a smile, "What brings you here today?"

Twilight smiled back at her friend in kind. "Hi Rarity. I was wondering if you could watch over Ryan for me while I run some errands. Princess Celestia sent me a task and I'd like to get it done as soon as possible."

The unicorn blinked twice, looking slightly confused by Twilight's request. "Like a babysitter?"

"That's what I said!" Ryan interjected, earning an annoyed groan from Twilight.

"It's just for a few hours." She explained, "I just don't trust him to not go out and wreak more havoc on Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash."

Rarity let out a knowing hum. "I heard about that little scuffle. As cruel as it may have been, it was pretty cunning."

Ryan grinned and crossed his arms. "At least someone appreciates my work." He let out and UMPF as Twilight's elbow met with his gut, causing him to hunch over and grasp his stomach in pain. "You...Bitch..." He managed to say with a strained voice.

The unicorn let out a short laugh at his torment. "I suppose I could keep an eye on him. Today's starting off rather slow, and I've finished most of my orders. I'll make sure that he behaves himself."

5 Minutes Later

How the hell did we get roped into this?

"I don't know..." Ryan muttered, doing his best to make sure that the unicorn levitating several needles around him wouldn't get distracted. The slightest bit of movement is all it would take to get shanked by one of those things.

Ryan stood as still as a statue, his arms starting to feel stiff from being held out to his sides. His body stayed locked in place, making him look like a giant letter T as he watched Rarity work her magic all around him. He now donned a brand new black tuxedo, one that fit his form perfectly thanks to the undying skill of the fashionista.

His arms faltered a bit, practically begging to be let down. However, the second her started to lower them, the mare used her pony voodoo to push them back up.

"I'll need you to hold them up for just a moment longer, dear." She said as she continued stitching the clothing.

Ryan growled, his arms starting to burn after being held up for so long. "God dammit, I hate you."

"Quit you whining." Rarity huffed in response. "I'm almost...Done!" She exclaimed, levitating the needles and multiple lines of thread back into their respective places.

Ryan's arms popped as he finally got to lower them, making his body shudder from the slightly painful relief. "Oh my lord, that's good!"

Fuck good, that was damn near orgasmic.

Rarity didn't seem to notice Ryan's reaction, or she was just completely ignoring him. She had a number of supplies still in her hand that she decided to clean up the natural way.

The human couldn't help but glance over at the mare as she bent over to reorganize and replace some of her material. He had to admit, she had quite the body. Her form was much more defined than Twilight's, her bust was at least a full cup size larger as well, and on top of that those yoga pants really showed off that round flank of hers. The fabric shaped out her lower body phenomenally and was so thin you could see right through it when it was strained.

Well shit...Looks like we have more in common with her then we thought.

"You know; If you're gonna wear pants that thin you should really invest in some underwear." Ryan commented with a chuckle, making Rarity freeze up. "Seriously, I can see everything."

She quickly stood up, turning around and glaring at him with a fierce blush spread all across her face. "How dare you!" She yelled, clearly not being very enthusiastic about his suggestion. "Why would you even be looking? You have a marefriend!"

"Hey!" He snapped back, "You're the one who decided to go commando today and wear one of the most see-through outfits in existence! It's not fault I happened to notice."

Rarity wanted to reply, but in reality she was the one who made the mistake. Not him. She settled on just holding her breath before letting all her anger flow out with a long exhale. With a grumpy look still glued to her, she made her way over to a chair. Upon taking a seat in said chair, she opened a cabinet and fished out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

After placing a single cigarette in her mouth she attempted to light it. However, her lighter seemed to be out of fluid. It sparked several times, but no flame followed. She was going to keep attempting to light it, until a furless hand reached over and threw the lighter across the room.

Ryan took a seat on her work station, grabbing his discarded pants and pulling out his own lighter. With a single click the flame appeared and he held it out. "Don't you know the rules? Pretty ladies aren't allowed to light their own cigarettes...moron."

The unicorn did smile at him, briefly. It kind of faded away after he insulted her. But, she didn't turn down his somewhat generous offer. She leaned toward the flame, stopping once her cigarette had entered the flame and pulling away when it had lit. Now that her issue was taken care of, she figured that she might as well offer him something in return.

Ryan merely watched as Rarity pulled out another cigarette and held it out to him. He accepted and lit it before replacing his lighter back into his jeans. They shared a moment of silence, enjoying every second of it as they let their stresses slip away with small puffs of smoke.

Rarity glanced over at Ryan. He seemed to be enjoying himself; must have been a while since he had smoked. "So, when did you start?"

He took another puff and pulled the cigarette from his face, inhaling the smoke deep into his lungs and holding it in as he spoke. "About five years ago, back in high school." An large exhale escaped his throat, forming a small cloud in front of him. "I was fourteen at the time."

She gave him an odd look, finding it strange that one would start so early on in life. "Isn't that a bit young to start making bad habits?"

He turned to face her, holding his cigarette to the side and ashing it onto her table out of spite. "Lady, you don't know the half of it."

Rather than get angry and yell at him for desecrating her work station, Rarity grinned and adjusted her seat so that she would be looking directly at him. "Enlighten me."

Twilight happily made her way back to Rarity's boutique after four long hours. The task itself was more tedious than anything else, but not all too difficult. She was surprise how fast time had flown by while she was busy. All of the work she did had actually helped her clear her head, and without Ryan being there it went by more smoothly.

It wasn't like she hated him, in fact, she loved him more than anything. However, she didn't love every little thing about him. All of those stories about loving somepony, their faults included, were bullshit. Despite how much she cared for him, she could go without many of his quirks. But, it was just who he was. His behavior is what made him so unique, besides the whole being an alien thing, and it played a big role in helping shape out the mold that was Ryan Curtis.

A strange commotion echoed through her ears, one that worried her. Mostly because it was coming from inside of the nearby boutique that she had left Ryan in. She approached the door cautiously, reaching up and slowly turning the handle. The door opened just enough for her to see into the house.

She spotted both Rarity and Ryan sitting at a table. The unicorn had tears running down her face, taking bits of eyeliner down with it. The human on the other hand had his face buried into one of his palms and was wearing a rather distinguished looking suit. Knowing Rarity, she didn't bother to question herself on why he was dressed so nicely. The two looked up at each other with suppressed smiles and laughs attempting to force their way out of their throats.

Ryan raised a single hand up. "Right after I leave the room, not even two minutes later, she calls me." He continued, doing his best to not bust out in guffaw at his own story. "And she asks me, in the saddest voice I ever heard from her, 'What's taking you so long?' To which I said, 'Bitch, I'm already halfway home!'"

Rarity couldn't hold it in any longer, her face collapsed as she laughed, pounding a closed fist into the table repeatedly. After a full minute of laughter, she lifted her head and took a moment to catch her breath. "Oh, goodness! If any of my coltfriends had EVER done that to me...Well, I can't say what I'd do."

"That bitch deserved it." Ryan commented, leaning back slightly in his chair.

"After hearing what she did to you," she began, "I'm surprised you didn't do something even worse. I know I would have."

He shrugged, "I would have, but she was friends with a lot of my ex's. Remember, that was number nineteen."

"That does play a factor, now doesn't it." She responded, understanding why he didn't go apeshit on the girl who basically tortured him. "How many ex's do you have anyway?"

"Twenty-eight."

Her eyes widened immensely, before her expression turned to something more devious. "Wow, and you called me a whore?"

Ryan's body seized up for no less than a second at her comment. "Oh, you can fuck right the hell off!"

Rarity put a hand over her mouth to stifle another laugh. While she wasn't a fan of his swearing, she had to admit, it did add a bit of spice to his character. And, after talking so much about his past, a lot of which he had difficulty remembering, she could understand some of his mannerisms.

"Go ahead," He said in a defeated tone. "Laugh it up...bitch."

Twilight, deciding that she had seen enough, finally entered the boutique. She was beyond surprised at how well the two were getting along. Not that she wasn't happy about it, she was glad he was finally getting along with at least one of her friends, but it was still weird. Like, seriously, of all of the ponies he could get along with, it was Rarity?

She made her way over to the table, quickly picking up on the smell of tobacco smoke. She sniffed the air a few times, which was all it took for the two sitting at the table to notice her. "Have you two been smoking in here?"

Both Ryan and Rarity glanced at each other, practically communicating with their eyes before look back to Twilight.

"No..." They replied in unison, making the alicorn flash them a reprimanding look.

"Are you sure?" She pressed, crossing her arms in front of her.

"Yes..." They replied, again speaking in perfect harmony of each other.

This literally could not sound more rehearsed...and it wasn't even intentional...what the fuck!

"Mhmm." Was all she needed to say for them to know that she didn't believe them. "Anyway, I'm glad that you two are getting along. But, it's time to go."

"Awww!" They both groaned in disappointment.

Stop it! It's starting to get creepy!

"Fine!" Ryan rose out of his seat, Rarity following suit. "It was nice hanging out with ya, thanks for the suit, blah blah blah. I'll catch you later." He walked over to the unicorn and pulled her into a hug, which she was hesitant to return at first, but did so anyway. He broke the hug and started making his way to the door with Twilight. "Adios!"

"Bye, darling." Rarity said with a wave, "Feel free to stop by any time."

Once the couple was outside Twilight had to stop her mate to ask him a very serious question. "Okay, how did you do it?"

Ryan gave her a confused look. "What are you talking about?"

Twilight rolled her eyes at him. "Oh, come on. You know what I mean." She began, "So far you've managed to get into a fight with every friend I have, minus Applejack, who you got drunk, but you and Rarity were acting like you've known each other for years. What gives?"

He didn't really have an answer for her. He shrugged and turned around to start the walk back to the castle. "What can I say; The ladies love me."

Twilight couldn't help but grin at his half-assed answer as she followed close behind him. She caught up and stood by his side, reaching over to his hand and locking her fingers with his. "One more thing." She added, causing the human to turn his head toward her while he continued walking. "The princesses are becoming pretty interested by you, what with me sending them letters about everything that's happened since you got here, and said that they would like to meet you."

A cold shiver ran down Ryan's spine. He felt as though someone just asked him to jump out of a plane without a parachute. "Didn't I already meet one of them?"

"Briefly," She replied, "but they want to get to know you."

There was a moment of silence between the two.

Why do I have a feeling that this is going to end badly?

Author's Note

To be honest, I am not feeling too hot. Nausea like a motherfucker, my body is sore as fuck, it feels like someone is punching me repeatedly in my everywhere. Not to fear though, I'm still alive!
I might throw up in a little bit, but I'm still kickin' it.
Sorry for the delay, I had to get a fourth job so I can make a few extra bucks. Fucking state won't give me a medical card so I gotta do it the old fashioned way...It fucking sucks.
I know I shouldn't be working because of my little problem, but the state is literally ignoring my pleas and calls for help, so I'm on my own.
But, as always; If you enjoyed this chapter, slap that LIKE button like a bitch and feel free to leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P