Twilight closed the door to the castle and looked out onto Ponyville. As usual, it looked small and peaceful. She could not think of a more perfect place to call her home. However, she did not come outside to enjoy the scenery. No, she came out to go down to Rarity's to pick up the order she had placed just a few hours ago. Knowing her friend, it was probably already done and waiting for her.

She took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly before brushing off her usual outfit to make sure it was free of any imperfections. Her head turned slightly to see the human standing just a few feet from her. His hair had been gelled to one side, but was left with a spikey appearance. He had changed into a clean pair of jeans and a light blue button up shirt made entirely out of silk.

Her eyes stayed locked onto him as her mind started to run through a thousand different ways that him being out could end badly. So, with her nervousness very evident in her voice, she asked, "Are you sure you're ready to be out and about? I mean, you did just get out of the hospital yesterday and I don't think that it's-"

"Shush." He said plainly, "I'm pretty sure I can handle myself. And besides, if I'm going to be here for a while then I'd like to get to know the area I'm in. Otherwise, one day I'll have to come out here for something and end up wandering around like a lost dog."

Twilight could understand his reasoning, but she just couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. She couldn't say that it actually would as part of her nagged that she was just overreacting. But, still, the feeling was there. "Why don't you just come with me to Rarity's then? We'd end up passing by enough for you to get a general idea of Ponyville."

"Cause no."

Her head tilted at this. She just gave him a perfectly logical suggestion and he denied it without so much as waving his hand. He didn't even offer a reason. "Why not?"

"Because no."

"That's not really a reason." She explained, "Can you tell me why?"

"Yes, I can."

"Okay." She waited patiently for him to explain himself, but he said nothing. Instead he let them sit in a small void of silence. The only sound that came through was that of the wind blowing by them. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Nope."

Okay, this was starting to get on her nerves. Her face started to scrunch up a bit as she spoke. "Why not? You just said you could tell me."

"Yes, I did."

"Then why haven't you told me?"

The human crossed his arms. "I said I could tell you, meaning that I am fully capable of doing so. Never said that I would tell you though."

Twilight raised her hand and pinched bridge of her nose between her fingers. At this point, she really didn't even care if he wandered off on his own now. "You know what, go on ahead and look around. Just try not to get hurt, okay?"

"I make no promises." Ryan waited for Twilight to move first so he could walk a different route.

And with that, they went their separate ways. Twilight, going off to see her friend; Ryan, going off to do God knows what in who knows where.

It only took Twilight a few minutes to get to Rarity's boutique, where she was instantly welcomed by her friend. "Come in, Darling. I was just putting on the finishing touches to your new attire."

Twilight entered with a bit of a nervous smile on her face. She never really expected to be ordering something like this, but sometimes things need to be changed up a bit. She took a moment to look over her friend. She was wearing a very stylish shirt and a vibrant skirt that hung down to the middle of her thighs. Her mane had its usual, flawless curls that she wore with pride.

Rarity made her way over to a desk with several different fabrics laid across it and took a seat so she could continue working. Her hands and horn moving things around with the perfect combination of speed and efficiency. "So..."

She raised her brow a bit at her friend's seemingly random comment. "What?"

The unicorn didn't take her eyes off of her work, but could keep the conversation going, no problem. "Come on, Twilight. You brought a creature here from another world and it's living with you. There is no way in all of Equestria that you don't have the slightest bit of gossip about it."

The alicorn shrugged and found herself a seat not too far away from Rarity. "Honestly, I'm really not sure what to think about him." She began, "He's different, to say the least, but he seems a little...I don't know, unstable?"

Rarity stopped working, her eyes wide with what looked like concern. She turned her head to Twilight with a worried expression on her face. "Twilight, has he hurt you?"

"What?" She then caught on to what Rarity had assumed and waved her hands dismissively. "No, no, no! It's nothing like that. I just mean that his behavior is a bit off."

She calmed down from Twilight's words. She would hate it if anything would come to harm her or any on her friends. "Okay then. You had me worried there for a moment." Rarity turned back to her desk and continued working. "You say that he behaves oddly. Is there anything in particular?"

"A few things, actually." Twilight started thinking about the short time she had spent with him and some of the weird things he did. "For example, he can't seem to keep one single train of thought going. It's like he thinks of something one second and it's immediately replaced by something else."

Rarity noticeably tensed up. "Oh sweet Celestia, it's another Pinkie..."

The two shuddered slightly before sharing a short laugh. "He also talks to himself a lot."

She shrugged at this. "That's not really something to be concerned about if you ask me. To be honest, I haven't met a single pony that hasn't spoken to themselves at some point."

"It's not that he does it that makes it weird." Twilight explained, her face shifting to a look of curiosity. "He speaks to himself like he's talking to a different person, as they call themselves."

Rarity was becoming intrigued, so much so that she even slowed down on her work so she could focus more on Twilight's explanation. "How so? Give me another example."

"It usually goes something like this." She cleared her throat before continuing. "He could be walking down the hall and get completely lost. Then he says 'Brain, where the heck are we?' Then he'll wait for a second and look like he's become irritated before saying something like, 'You're fricken useless.' and then proceed to argue with himself."

She wasn't sure what to make of this guy now. Before she made her assumptions about him and what he could be like, but this was nothing like what she had imagined. "That is definitely..something? Yes, something."

The room went quiet for the better part of two minutes when Rarity finally broke the silence and with a proud smile on her face. "All done!" She said jubilantly, lifting the outfit into the air with her magic. "I must say, this is quite a change of pace."

Rarity looked over at Twilight, picturing what she would look like in her new outfit. "If I may be just a bit brutally honest with you, Twilight. I would never have imagined you coming in and asking for something like this. It seems a little; what's the word? Out of character for you."

Twilight rolled her eyes and let out an audible grumble. "You sound just like Spike."

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing, darling. Sometimes a girl just has to change things up a bit, I completely understand. Besides, I'm sure you will look fabulous." She levitated the clothing neatly into a plastic bag and gave it to Twilight.

Her words had helped Twilight perk up a bit. At first she felt just plain weird about the whole thing, but Rarity had lifted her spirits. "Thank you, Rarity. What do I owe you?"

The unicorn waved a hand at Twilight. "Think nothing of it, darling. This was a fun little project and I will not let that moment be spoiled with money."

Twilight smiled and rose from her seat. "Thank you, Rarity. And, I hate to do this, but I should go out and find Ryan."

"That's perfectly fine, dear. You go on and find your little coltfriend." She said with a smirk.

The alicorn's purple face instantly turned red.

I am starting to get really uncomfortable...

The moment Ryan entered town every living thing seemed to stop what it was doing, completely freeze in its place, and just watch him as he walked by. If he weren't in a completely different universe and they were all humans he would have sworn they were planning to kill him...or that someone had drawn a penis on his forehead.

He did his best to ignore the stares he was getting and focus on memorizing the town a bit, but it was becoming quite difficult to tolerate. He got distracted while reading a few of the signs on top of the small buildings and bumped into something.

Ow...

"God fucking dammit!" Ryan said as he recomposed himself. Once everything had cleared up he looked down to see a woman with tan fur a curly blue hair sitting in the dirt and rubbing her head. She wore an outfit that looked like it belonged to a house wife back in the 1950's...or maybe 70's. He really didn't know, he was a 90's kid.

The mare waited for the pain in her head to subside before opening her eyes and looking up at what she had bumped into. She had been so distracted with trying to figure out why the whole town had just frozen in place that she forgot to look where she was going. Suddenly she realized why everypony had just turned into statues.

Standing over her, just inches away, was something she had never seen before. It stood probably taller than her, a creature with no muzzle or fur, and tiny ears. It's bright blue eyes stared into her green eyes with an intense look. This is it, she thought, this is where I die. She closed her eyes, awaiting the inevitable.

She felt something grab her hand, something soft and warm. Her arm was then pulled upward, forcing her back onto her feet. Once she was stable her hand was released and she heard footstep moving away from her.

Her eyes opened and she turned around to see the creature walking away with its hands in its pockets. As much as she tried to hold back, she simply couldn't. "Wait!" She called out, running over to the thing she had previously ran into. It turned around and she stopped. This is where she choked a bit. "Um...Hi?"

Ryan watched as she nervously raised one of her hands and waved at him. He mimicked her gesture in kind. "Howdy." He was about to take off when she called out to him again.

"Hold on, please..." She walked even closer to him, her heart racing faster and faster with every step she took. "I'm sorry for bumping into you. I got distracted and wasn't watching where I was going."

"Same here, sweetheart." He said, finally putting his full attention onto her. "Now is that all or are you going to keep following me?"

She blushed slightly, "I'm sorry, I've just never seen anything like you before. I'm...just being nosy I guess." She explained with a nervous smile. "What are you?"

"I'm a piñata, find a stick and whack me a few times; You'll get free candy." He said sarcastically, "Look at me, I'm a fucking alien. What do you think?"

Dumb broad.

She recoiled a bit. Why was he swearing at her? Did she offend him? "I'm sorry if I'm upsetting you."

"No, it's fine. I'm still adjusting to this weird place."

She calmed down, now knowing that she wasn't making him mad. She was still unsure of what this thing was, but it was fascinating. Part of her felt scared beyond belief, but another part just wanted to learn more about him. "I was just on my way to the Hay Burger. You can come with if you'd like. Consider it my apology for bumping into you."

Ryan wasn't too sure about this mare. She was weird, in the aspect that she wasn't frozen in place just by the mere sight of him. But, the southerner in him wasn't just gonna let him pass this up. "Sure, why not?"

The human walked beside the mare, letting her lead the way. She looked over at him, her eyes hungry for information. "Do you have a name?"

"Ryan, Ryan Curtis." He simply replied.

"That's a weird name."

"Don't judge, I'm from another world. What's your name?"

"Masquerade."

"...You see, now that is a weird name."

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is! How the fuck do people get ahold of you? Send a ballroom invitation?"

It had been nearly two hours since Twilight had left Rarity's to find Ryan. This was becoming quite annoying for her. She hadn't been able to spot him even once. She even asked several ponies if they had seen him and many said that they did, but didn't know where he went off to. The most she could figure out was that he was seen speaking with another mare and both of them just kind of left.

With no other leads and no idea where he could have gone to, Twilight had nearly lost all hope. That was until she heard something very strange coming from a nearby restaurant. The sound of music, a song she had never heard before, and an all too familiar voice yelling from inside.

"Who's ready for a show!"

The voice echoed through her head like a bullet as she grumbled and silently prayed that something bad wouldn't happen. She made her way over to the restaurant, quickly recognizing it as the Hay Burger. This wasn't a place that she normally visited, but still enjoyed.

Twilight took a breath to settle herself. "Okay, I'm sure everything is fine. He's not doing anything wrong." She said to herself, hoping that her words would be true.

She opened the door and was met with a sight that nearly made her faint. A crowd of mares all surrounded one particular table, one of which a bipedal, furless creature was making into his metaphorical bitch.

Ryan laid down on a table covered in gold coins, his back facing the ceiling and his shirtless torso pushed up off of the table with one arm while the other rested on his waist, all while gyrating his hips in a very inappropriate manner. As he did this, he was singing along to the song being played from a small black device strapped to his belt.

"~Well woman the way they time

cold I wanna be keepin' you warm.

I got the right temperature for shelter

you from the storm."

His actions made several ponies around him cheer as they made a point of doing a bit of dancing on their own. All while watching him continue his near sexual assault on the table beneath him.

The human pushed himself back up into a standing position, but it wasn't over yet. He threw his arms back and flexed his muscles, locking his fingers together behind his head as his hips swayed and moved like water running down a stream to the beat of the song.

"~Oh Lord, gal I got the right tactics

to turn you on. And girl I

wanna be the papa.

You can be the mom. Oh, oh!"

It didn't take much longer for the owner to finally run out and see the events taking place in the middle of his restaurant; A dark coated stallion wearing a grimy-looking suit. He gave the human a hard look, but it took no notice to the stallion. He made his way through the group of mares and to the table, grabbing the human by his pants and yanking him down.

Ryan felt a hard tug from his side and lost his footing in the middle of his dance. He fell from the table, luckily being caught by several ponies who lowered him down gently before everyone's attention moved to the one responsible for interrupting the party.

He glared at Ryan, his nostrils flared and his face scrunched up in an almost humorous manner. "Get out..."

Ryan cocked his head at him. "Um, no?"

"Excuse me?" He said with a hint of venom in his voice.

"I'm sorry, sir. But, what part of 'Fuck Off" are you not understanding here?" He explained in his own little way. "I am a paying customer and I'm making this place more fun. So you can go fuck yourse-"

Twilight quickly ran up behind Ryan and put a hand over his mouth, smiling nervously at the owner and the surrounding group of disappointed mares. "What he means to say is, he's sorry and will be taking his leave right now."

Like hell we will!

Ryan started to struggle against the mare's grip, but soon found his body covered in a purplish glow that lifted him off of the ground. "Oh, come on! What the hell kind of bullshit is this!?"

"We are going home and that is final!" Twilight shouted before taking off through the door with him floating just in front of her; leaving everypony else without the chance to say a single word to them. A bit of yelling could be heard outside, but not much else as they moved further and further away from the Hay burger.

The owner huffed as they left. "Good riddance." He said, turning his attention to the group behind him. "Now, if you would all take your seats, I will gladly take your-"

He went silent as the ponies started gathering their items and walking out of the restaurant. He could do nothing but watch as they left and a voice called out from, what sounded, pretty far away.

"Ha! Up yours, bitch!"

Author's Note

This was a bit of a difficult chapter for some reason, thank god that song played on m radio and gave me a really stupid idea. Hopefully it tickles your funny bones as much as it does your loins.
As always, feel free to leave a comment below, comments make me feel special :P
I will see you all in the next chapter.

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