The Perfect Mate; Twilight Saga

by Lord_Evil

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Romance, Sex, Random, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Anthro, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 81138

Twilight suspects that an ancient spell may be just what she needs to find her true love. This should go well...

Twilight has begun to feel a little lonely lately. Sure she has her friends, but she's seeking something more than just friendship. She wants a companion, she wants love. Not many ponies caught her attention when it came to romantic interests and it seemed like the same went for her. She knew she had to be careful about who she chose as a partner as well, which only served to make her predicament that much more difficult. Feeling down, depressed, and in need of someone to share her heart with, Twilight deduced that there could be only one possible solution. She just hopes that her fellow princesses will support her.

I really wanted to do a follow up on the original Perfect Mate story, but I just can't seem to let go of our lovable bastard, Ryan. So this will not be a follow up. The events that took place in The Perfect Mate NEVER happened. Also, there will be some small changes to Ryan for the sake of the plot.
DAMN YOU PLOT!!!
These changes won't be too extreme, I just plan on making him more energetic and maybe a bit more obnoxious than usual...Just a little...
[Warning: This story will contain profanity and a very weird individual. This story is likely going to be random and may poke fun at some sensitive topics. That being said, enjoy.]

Published 2016-08-14 06:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-08 03:20:57 UTC

Bringing You Home

Make it stop beep, beep, beep, beeping! I'm going to go insane!

As Ryan's mind had so loudly proclaimed, there was indeed a soft beeping noise coming from somewhere. However, he was too tired to care. His body was sore and aching, if he didn't know any better he would have sworn that he had been hit by a train. That was another experience though, one that left him nearly in pieces.

Keeping his eyes closed to hopefully continue the rest he was getting, which likely wouldn't happen, he thought about what had happened just moments ago. Well, for him at least. He remembered dropping Roland off at home, driving onto the highway, zoning out, then seeing a-

TRUCK!!!

Ryan screamed as his eyes shot open. He quickly sat up and started scanning the room around him as fast as he could. Realizing that he was no longer in danger, he took a breath and pushed himself back on the bed he was laying in so he could lean against the head board. He scratched at his head, letting his fingers run through his messy hair, picking up a greasy texture as he did so.

"What the fuck..." He muttered to no one in particular. "What happened?"

Well by all rights you should probably be dead. But, I'm pretty sure you're in a hospital.

After reanalyzing the room he came to discover that he actually was in a hospital. He was in a small white room with one large window. There were two doors, one was opened that revealed a bathroom, the other was closed and could easily be assumed was an exit. The beeping noise came from a monitor sitting by his bed and it was getting extremely annoying at a very quick rate.

Like any sensible person, when something becomes too frustrating to deal with, he threw it to the ground before removing a the sensor from his body as well as the IV. This wasn't the first time he had been held up in a hospital, so he knew how to get out of most of the crap they'd attach to you.

Ignoring the pain in his everywhere, he made his way over to the bathroom. What probably upset him the most was that, whenever you go to the hospital, they give you a tissue paper thin dress to trudge around in. First off, it's just embarrassing to wear; secondly, it's cold as balls in those things.

After draining his bladder and going to the sink to splash some water on his face, he looked over himself in the mirror. Despite a few cuts and bruises he was in pretty good shape. This surprised him. The fact that he was alive was already a miracle, so this seemed nearly impossible.

With that done he went back into the room to find a nurse standing at the door with a rather peeved looking expression on her face. At least, he assumed it was a nurse given the outfit. Everything else about her was currently making his brain hemorrhage. She was about as tall as him with what looked like white fur covering her body. She had a very small, but prominent muzzle on her face and-

A FUCKING SPEAR STICKING OUT OF HER SKULL!!!

He froze, unsure of how to react to this thing standing in front of him. Maybe he wasn't as okay as he had thought. There's always the chance that he bumped his head a little too hard and was now hallucinating.

"Sir," The nurse spoke, making Ryan's already confused mind spasm several times more. "you shouldn't be out of bed. And, you definitely shouldn't be taking out your IV on your own and breaking our monitors."

"Uhuh..." Deciding to ignore the fact that this woman looked like a weird cross between a human and a fucking unicorn, he brushed passed her and made his way over to a small closet beside the window.

Upon opening it he found his clothes stored within; a black sleeves shirt, a pair of dark blue jeans, and a pair of running shoes. The shirt had a few holes near the waist line, but that didn't other him. It also appeared to be the only amount of damage done to his attire. Sitting at the bottom of the closet was a small brown backpack with only one strap that goes across one's torso.

With everything seeming to be in order he stripped out of the hospital tissue-dress and started throwing on his actual clothes. He had only managed to get his pants on when the nurse made her way over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Sir, you need to get back into bed." She said with a somewhat worried tone. "You were in a-"

"Nope." He simply replied, cutting her off without a care. "Sorry sweetheart, but I got a friend to pick up and a job to get to. So you can eat my-"

"I do not believe you will be finding much luck with that." Another voice picked up from behind him. Only this one carried much more authority with it.

Ryan turned around and came face to face with another one of these strange women, but this one was different. She was slightly taller than him and had blue fur all over her body. Her hair looked like some sort of digital representation of the night sky that flowed in a nonexistent breeze. She wore a very regal looking dark blue dress and, as with the other one, she had a horn, but on top of that she had wings...

Dorothy, we are NOT in Kansas anymore.

Luna stood before this rather bizzar looking creature in a stance that made her look nearly as stoic as her guards. Her eyes scanned his alien form, taking in every detail of his body. He had a nice build to him, a tightened stomach and some strong looking biceps. There was some kind of strange marking on his chest, but she couldn't seem to make heads or tails of it. Throughout her analyzing she found no trace of magic in him, dark or otherwise.

If it weren't for the obvious physical differences between them, one could possibly mistake him as an earth pony. One that had shaved all of their fur off and had tan skin. That being said, he didn't really look like a threat either.

The silence between them was almost cancerous as they eyed each other, one not knowing what the other is, and the other not knowing how much more their sanity could take.

Finally, Ryan cracked under the pressure. "Okay...What. The fuck. Are you!?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Luna responded with a reserved tone.

Ryan had no reserve left, at this point he looked and sounded like he was panicking. Which was likely because he is panicking. "Don't play that fucking game with me! What happened!? Why am I not dead!? Where in all of cock guzzling hell am I!? BRAIN!"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

"SILENCE!!!" Luna shouted in her Royal Canterlot voice, nearly making the window shatter from just the sheer force of her pitch. This, of course, stunned the human silent. "You must calm yourself."

"I will be calm." He said in a soft tone, only to raise it once again. "As soon as I get some fucking answers! This is almost as bad as my first time dropping acid."

At least we got off doing that.

Luna crossed her arms at this. "Very well then." She turned her head to face the entrance of the room. "Twilight, you may enter now."

So then another one of these things entered the room. This one was probably a few inches shorter than the nurse. Just like the woman in front of him, she had wings and a horn. Her fur was a light shade of purple and she wore what looked kind of like some sort of school-girl outfit. Like the ones that they wear in catholic schools, not the whores on Halloween.

Twilight nervously made her way over to Luna and Ryan, forcing a smile on her face that clearly wasn't sincere. She had a guilty look about her for some reason.

"Twilight," Luna began, "I believe you may be better suited for explaining to our friend how he got here."

Ryan glared at the short mare, having some sort of hunch that she was responsible for this some how. Twilight tried to avert her eyes from him as to avoid his gaze as she started. "Well, you see-"

Several Hours Later

Ryan sat on the hospital bed, fully clothed mind you, listening intently to Twilight's story. It started off with a brief history lesson on where he was, the things that were around him, and then finally how he got here. Apparently this little princess was some kind of pervert. From what he picked up on she was looking for a romantic partner and found a way to cast a spell to help summon, what should have been another pony, her ideal mate.

What the fuck, dude?

"Then you passed out so me and my friends pulled you out of that big metal monster and brought you here; Ponyville General Hospital." She took a breath as she finally finished telling him both, what he wanted to know, and what he needed to know since he was here. However, when she focused back onto him he seemed to be off in his own little world. "Are you okay?"

"I think I'm developing stress hemorrhoids..."

Twilight's face cringed. This creature sure does have a weird sense of humor. At least, she hopes that's his sense of humor and that he's not actually developing medical issues. "I can't tell if you're being serious or not."

"Nope, those have been there for a while." Again her face contorted in disgust as he spoke before jumping off of the bed. "Okay, so I'm here in this weird ass place. I have no idea what the hell to do next."

Before Twilight could answer a doctor entered the room holding a needle. His eyes widened upon seeing one of the princesses standing beside the creature that was brought in just a few days ago. He knew Luna had stopped by, but did not have the pleasure of meeting her.

"Hello, your highness." He said with a bow, "I'm just here to give our friend here a shot to help him sleep."

"Excuse you." Ryan said in a defensive tone. He didn't mind needles, but being forced to sleep seemed a bit extreme. "Why are you trying to put me to sleep?"

The doctor rose from his bow and turned his attention to the human. "Well, you seemed to be ignoring our nurse, breaking our equipment, and trying to leave before your release date. You can either get back in your bed willingly or we will be forced to make you."

Ryan had a somewhat extensive knowledge on medicine, what with some of his family being drug addicts, and several google searches, which is what provoked him to ask, "What's in that needle."

"Enough ketamine to put down a stallion twice your size." The doctor replied with a smile, feeling as though there was no way he was going to lose in this situation.

Did he just say ketamine? This motherfucker is going to give us liquid cocaine!

He nodded his head at the doctor. "Nope, bad move buddy. Not sure if you know this but our biology doesn't work the same. You stick me with that thing it'll be like pumping me full of adrenaline."

Twilight raised a brow at this as her curiosity kicked. "What do you mean?"

"We have ketamine in my world." He explained, "We use it to sedate mammals and reptiles, but using it on a human has the exact opposite effect. It causes us to go into an extreme state of euphoria and hyperactivity with some very fucked up side effects."

"Like what?"

"Like; psychosis, internal bleeding, permanent brain damage, and death." Ryan looked over at the doctor who seemed to be losing his victorious smirk. "So just try to stick me with that. Not only will I go into a full on rampage with limitless energy, but I could die. You want that blood on your hands?"

The doctor thought about several different ways to defend himself. "I was just trying to help..."

"Well help yourself to the fucking door, asshole!" He snapped, "Go on, get out of here. Don't make me come over there and suck your dick."

The whole room shifted from a state of concern to shock and disgust. The doctor didn't say another word as he turned around and left the room.

Twilight stared at the human, awestruck with how he had spoken to a pony who was trying to help him. Sure, the drug may not have had the intended effect on his species. But, he had good intentions. The questioned that buzzed around in her brain most of all though, "Why did you just threaten to suck his...you know?"

Ryan shrugged, "It's a thing I came up with a few years back. You say something like that to a straight guy then they will immediately back off. I used to threaten to kiss them because some guys would call me out on those threats and I had no problem kissing a guy. This one just seems much more effective."

"...Okay then..." How is this my perfect mate, she wondered. First off, they weren't even the same species. Secondly, he was very crude and, so far, disgusting beyond comprehension. Ponies don't typically use language like that, most of them had been raised better. It was rare just to hear somepony even utter the word peeved.

Maybe she did something wrong with the spell. She would have to go back through it and figure out any errors that she may have made in the process. However, her first priority needed to be this creature that she had brought into her world.

Upon summoning him, and shortly after delivering him to the hospital, she contacted the princesses seeking their aid. They told her that they would do what they could, but he was her responsibility. As a princess she must own up to her mistakes and start correcting them on her own. She was soon pulled out of her thoughts as she heard someone yelling just outside of the room.

"Ow! Whoever threw that is about to get the ass whooping of a lifetime! And, don't you dare think for a second that, that threat isn't sexual!" Ryan shouted.

Twilight buried her head in her hands. This was going to be a very long day.

This place is fucking huge!

Ryan looked around the castle's interior in awe. This place was bigger than any building he had ever seen. The fact that it appeared to be made of crystals just added confusion to admiration. It was a terrible look for the place. "You ever think about just making this place out of wood? I can imagine it being much easier than whatever the hell they had to do for this."

Twilight stood just a few feet behind Ryan, watching him scan the castle with a look that seemed to be a mix of admiration and disgust. How he managed to pull that off was a complete mystery to her. "Actually, nopony built this castle."

He shot her an odd glare. "What? You expect me to believe this place just came out of the fucking ground like some kind of tree?"

"Well...it kind of did." She said with a smile.

His glare didn't change, in fact it appeared to become much more concentrated. "What drugs are you on?"

She recoiled slightly from his accusation. "I'm not on any-!"

By the time she had gone to reply, Ryan had already walked off into another room. "Hey, where's the liquor cabinet? I just got sucked into another world by things that science cannot explain and I need a fucking drink to help me calm down! I can't handle this shit on my own!"

Twilight could already feel the headaches to come prepping themselves for the oncoming shit-storm that this human was about to bring into her home.

"At least things can't get any worse." She muttered to herself. With that thought in mind she took a calming breath to relax herself. A soft smile graced her lips as she let her stresses float away like a bag in the wind.

That smile quickly reverted back to a frown as her ears were graced with the sound of several objects shattering in the distance. So much for things not getting any worse. "I didn't do it!"

You fucked up!

And here comes the migraine. Twilight decided just to call it a night and go to bed early. She was not ready to deal with this today. Leaving the human to do whatever the hell he wanted, she made her way back to her room. The vehicle had been removed about a day after they had taken the human to the hospital. Now all that was left was to fix the walls and her door.

However, that could also wait until tomorrow. Right now, all she wanted was to go to bed and not think about the tortures to come with having that thing living with her. She threw off most of her clothes and put on a very loose purple pajama shirt and pants. After that, she climbed into her bed, snuggling up against the covers as she let herself drift off to sleep.

Later that night she was slightly stirred from her sleep as her bed started moving around, but instantly dozed back off when her body became overwhelmed with a newfound warmth overtaking her form.

Author's Note

Personally, I feel like I could have done better here. However, my creative juices seem to be moving a little slow lately. So for that I apologize.

As always, if you like this story, share it with your friends and feel free to leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special. :P

A Gracious Morning

Ryan fell to the ground with a loud thud, his body covered in deep cuts that were oozing with fresh blood. His limbs almost seemed to tremble as he looked up at a dark figure looming over him, a knife firmly held in its hand. He pulled himself up into a sitting position, never taking his eyes of his attacker.

A scowl spread across his features as he watched the assailant stare him down. "Is that all you got, you son of a bitch?" He growled, "Come on! You think you got the balls to finish the job? Fucking do it then!"

The figure raised the blade above its head before bringing it down upon Ryan. In that moment everything went black and he shot up out of his spot, screaming like a mad man.

He looked around the room he was in, taking in everything within his vicinity. He was fine; there was no one there, no person, no knife. As he looked around he found himself sitting up in a bed. He was completely free of any wounds or blood, the only liquid on his body was the sweat that was working its way down his form.

Ryan took a breath and fell back onto the bed. "Fucking hell..." He said to no one in particular.

That one got nasty.

After taking a minute to recollect himself, Ryan got out of the bed and stood up straight and tall, stretching his limbs as far as they could go. He let out a satisfied groan as several of his joints let out a relieving pop.

With that out of the way and his thoughts recomposed, he began to wonder where he was. Clearly he was in a bedroom, but that was about all he could figure out. It had the same crystal-like appearance as the rest of the castle. The only thing that gave it away as a room was the bed, a few dressers, and several picture frames on the aforementioned dressers.

Out of curiosity, Ryan walked over to look at the photos. The Purple mare who had welcomed him into her home was in nearly all of them. Most of them were of her and several other mares of all colors, some were of her with, what he assumed was, her parents, and finally one with her and a guy with white fur and a blue mane.

He picked up the photo and looked it over. She looked young in this picture, like she was barely pushing into her teen years. Where are her wings? Who the hell is the guy standing by her, her brother?

Who cares? This is boring. Let's find something to do before we end up getting pulled into another weird universe. At least the girls here are still cute. We might not get so lucky next time.

"Please, God...Don't let there be a next time." He openly prayed, not wanting to have to go through another wormhole in space just to meet another sick minded creature that wanted his alien dick.

Twilight sat alone at a long table in her dining room, a fork in one hand and a book in the other. She read slowly, making sure not to miss a single letter as she fed herself small cut up pieces of pancakes.

"This doesn't make any sense." She said to herself, her eyes never leaving the page. "I performed the spell perfectly, used all of the right incantations, nothing was out of place. "

She lowered the book and dropped her fork onto the plate, leaning back in the chair as she ran her hands through her mane. "Maybe he is supposed to be my perfect mate." She concluded, sounding almost disappointed. "Maybe he just needs some time to warm up to me...and me to him."

Twilight started thinking about this psychologically. The portal says that he is her perfect mate, so he has to be. Maybe he isn't what he seems? Maybe he's just scared from being in this new world and his attitude and mannerisms are just a means of self defense to having to deal with this level of stress. Yes, that could definitely be it. But, that would mean that, despite how he may behave, she would have to be kind, courteous, and polite. She would need to make him feel welcomed no matter what.

Her attention was pulled away from her thoughts as footsteps began echoing from the hallway. "Jesus H. Christ, I could lost six times in here just from blinking."

Twilight took a breath before whispering to herself. "Come on Twilight, you can do this. This is your mate, he has to be. Just play it cool, be nice, and maybe try charming him a bit." She cleared her throat a bit and brushed off any crumbs on her school-girl looking clothes. "In here!"

Ryan soon found his way into the dining room where Twilight was sitting by her lonesome with a near empty plate in front of her. His eyes traveled to a seat next to her where another plate was sitting. On it was a small stack of steaming pancakes and a few slices of toast.

"Come in, take a seat." She said with an inviting tone and an all too bright smile plastered across his face. "I made breakfast."

The human couldn't help but feel a bit weirded out by her approach, but the southerner in him refused to allow him to turn down a free meal. So he walked over to the table and took a seat, scanning the food before him. It looked like food, not much else could be said.

Not gonna lie, I was expecting to come out here and see hay or grass on this thing. Even a small salt block would have been enough to get my goat.

"Is something wrong?" Twilight asked, pulling Ryan from his thoughts and putting his attention on her.

"No, nothings wrong. Still just trying to process everything here." He said simply, seeming to make Twilight's features falter a bit.

While she looked slightly upset on the outside, part of her on the inside was silently celebrating. He had just opened up to her! Barely, but still, it's progress. This only further pushed her to believe that all he needs is to adjust to his new surroundings and he'll be just fine. Just keep being nice, she mentally reminded herself.

Her smile soon came back and she nervously moved her hand over top of his and placed it just above his knuckles. "I know this must be hard for you, but if you need somepony to talk to my door is always open. Which you must know, seeing how you came in last night and fell asleep on my bed."

I-is...is she trying flirt with us?

Ryan's eyes glanced from her, to her hand, then back to her. "Yeah, I was...a little out of it. Found a room with a bed and kinda just figured, you know; why not?"

Twilight found it comforting to know that he only went in there to sleep. She felt awkward about the whole thing and wasn't sure how to bring it up. Luckily she managed to slip it into her little speech, so now she wouldn't have to start an uncomfortable conversation about it.

Ryan's gaze kept shooting back to her hand, "I'm sorry, are you coming on to me?"

She blushed and her smile quickly fell as she pulled her hand back. "N-No, of course not! I was just trying to be supportive."

He raised a brow at her. "You sure? Cause you look like a virgin trying to ask one of the popular girls to prom."

Twilight could not feel any more embarrassed than she did right now. She wasn't lying when she said that she was trying to be supportive, but at the same time, this was something that had been used to flirt with ponies in many books that she had read. She figured it would have been as good a starting point as any.

"You're not doing a very good job at this." He began, standing up from his seat an walking over to her side, letting his eyes go over her. "For starters, you're too tense. You need to loosen up a bit and let everything happen more naturally."

Her thoughts came to a stop as Ryan started speaking. Was he really trying to give her a lesson on flirting? Cause that's what it was starting to sound like. Maybe she should listen, she might learn some valuable information.

"Secondly, you need to loose the school-girl outfit. Every time I look at you it makes me feel like a fucking pedophile. Seriously, have you never heard of jeans? Put it on your shopping list. That and a God damn T-shirt, preferably a V-neck." He reached over and grabbed one of Twilight's breasts, making her blush return as she squeaked. "You have tits, show'em off a bit!"

Ryan let go of her and went back to his seat before chowing down on the meal she had prepared for him. It wasn't half bad, in fact it was probably better than anything he had eaten back in his world. Something about it seemed sweeter and more flavorful. Then again, it could always be the whole 'The grass is always green on the other side' illusion.

Twilight was at a complete loss for words. After awkwardly rising from her seat she left the dining room and went back to her room where she took a seat on her bed to think.

Thousands of questions began rushing through her head. The first and most obvious being; Did he really just comment on my boobs while holding one of them? The rest mostly went around her specifically. Did other ponies really not like how she dressed? It wasn't like anypony ever complimented her casual attire, but they had never diminished her for wearing them either.

After a moment of silence she called over her faithful assistant. "Spike, can you come here?"

The soft pattern of his little feet running down the hall echoed through the room and soon Spike was standing just a few inches from her. "What's going on, Twilight?"

A blank sheet of paper appeared in front of the young alicorn, along with a quill wet with ink. She grabbed the quill and began scribbling something down onto the paper. Once she was done she handed it off to Spike. "Can you take this to Rarity? Tell her I need these made as soon as possible."

"Of course I can." He said with a smile before looking over what she had written. "What's this all about?"

Twilight wore a nervous grin as she rubbed the back of her neck. "It's just something that a friend recommended for me."

He hummed to himself as he pictured how this would all play out. "It just doesn't really look like your kind of style. To be honest, this seems a little out of character for you."

"No it doesn't!" She almost yelled, sounding somewhat offended.

Spike shrugged, "Yeah, it kind of does."

Twilight turned her head to the side and scoffed. "I just want to try something different, that's it, there's nothing wrong with that. Normal ponies try new things every day, which means I can too."

Spike rolled his eyes and made for the door to deliver Twilight's letter. "Whatever..."

Once Spike was gone, Twilight leaned back on her bed and began running through a mental checklist of things she has to do today. Step one; copy mental checklist onto paper as to remember everything on today's checklist.

Ryan finished up his breakfast and decided to start pacing around the halls. The sooner he memorizes the outline of this place, the better. Last thing he needed was for something crazy to happen and for him to not know the way out.

A sudden shiver went up the human's spine, causing him to stop in his place and stand as still as a statue.

Something tells me that it's going to be one hell of a day.

"Fuck my life..."

Author's Note

Sorry about the shorter chapter, I was expecting this to be longer when I finished but it just didn't play out that well. I really don't want to add anything either because then it would look like I'm trying too hard. I'll try to avoid putting myself in this kind of spot in future chapters.

As always, if you like this story, share it with your friends and feel free to leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special. :P

A Man About Town

Twilight closed the door to the castle and looked out onto Ponyville. As usual, it looked small and peaceful. She could not think of a more perfect place to call her home. However, she did not come outside to enjoy the scenery. No, she came out to go down to Rarity's to pick up the order she had placed just a few hours ago. Knowing her friend, it was probably already done and waiting for her.

She took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly before brushing off her usual outfit to make sure it was free of any imperfections. Her head turned slightly to see the human standing just a few feet from her. His hair had been gelled to one side, but was left with a spikey appearance. He had changed into a clean pair of jeans and a light blue button up shirt made entirely out of silk.

Her eyes stayed locked onto him as her mind started to run through a thousand different ways that him being out could end badly. So, with her nervousness very evident in her voice, she asked, "Are you sure you're ready to be out and about? I mean, you did just get out of the hospital yesterday and I don't think that it's-"

"Shush." He said plainly, "I'm pretty sure I can handle myself. And besides, if I'm going to be here for a while then I'd like to get to know the area I'm in. Otherwise, one day I'll have to come out here for something and end up wandering around like a lost dog."

Twilight could understand his reasoning, but she just couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. She couldn't say that it actually would as part of her nagged that she was just overreacting. But, still, the feeling was there. "Why don't you just come with me to Rarity's then? We'd end up passing by enough for you to get a general idea of Ponyville."

"Cause no."

Her head tilted at this. She just gave him a perfectly logical suggestion and he denied it without so much as waving his hand. He didn't even offer a reason. "Why not?"

"Because no."

"That's not really a reason." She explained, "Can you tell me why?"

"Yes, I can."

"Okay." She waited patiently for him to explain himself, but he said nothing. Instead he let them sit in a small void of silence. The only sound that came through was that of the wind blowing by them. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Nope."

Okay, this was starting to get on her nerves. Her face started to scrunch up a bit as she spoke. "Why not? You just said you could tell me."

"Yes, I did."

"Then why haven't you told me?"

The human crossed his arms. "I said I could tell you, meaning that I am fully capable of doing so. Never said that I would tell you though."

Twilight raised her hand and pinched bridge of her nose between her fingers. At this point, she really didn't even care if he wandered off on his own now. "You know what, go on ahead and look around. Just try not to get hurt, okay?"

"I make no promises." Ryan waited for Twilight to move first so he could walk a different route.

And with that, they went their separate ways. Twilight, going off to see her friend; Ryan, going off to do God knows what in who knows where.

It only took Twilight a few minutes to get to Rarity's boutique, where she was instantly welcomed by her friend. "Come in, Darling. I was just putting on the finishing touches to your new attire."

Twilight entered with a bit of a nervous smile on her face. She never really expected to be ordering something like this, but sometimes things need to be changed up a bit. She took a moment to look over her friend. She was wearing a very stylish shirt and a vibrant skirt that hung down to the middle of her thighs. Her mane had its usual, flawless curls that she wore with pride.

Rarity made her way over to a desk with several different fabrics laid across it and took a seat so she could continue working. Her hands and horn moving things around with the perfect combination of speed and efficiency. "So..."

She raised her brow a bit at her friend's seemingly random comment. "What?"

The unicorn didn't take her eyes off of her work, but could keep the conversation going, no problem. "Come on, Twilight. You brought a creature here from another world and it's living with you. There is no way in all of Equestria that you don't have the slightest bit of gossip about it."

The alicorn shrugged and found herself a seat not too far away from Rarity. "Honestly, I'm really not sure what to think about him." She began, "He's different, to say the least, but he seems a little...I don't know, unstable?"

Rarity stopped working, her eyes wide with what looked like concern. She turned her head to Twilight with a worried expression on her face. "Twilight, has he hurt you?"

"What?" She then caught on to what Rarity had assumed and waved her hands dismissively. "No, no, no! It's nothing like that. I just mean that his behavior is a bit off."

She calmed down from Twilight's words. She would hate it if anything would come to harm her or any on her friends. "Okay then. You had me worried there for a moment." Rarity turned back to her desk and continued working. "You say that he behaves oddly. Is there anything in particular?"

"A few things, actually." Twilight started thinking about the short time she had spent with him and some of the weird things he did. "For example, he can't seem to keep one single train of thought going. It's like he thinks of something one second and it's immediately replaced by something else."

Rarity noticeably tensed up. "Oh sweet Celestia, it's another Pinkie..."

The two shuddered slightly before sharing a short laugh. "He also talks to himself a lot."

She shrugged at this. "That's not really something to be concerned about if you ask me. To be honest, I haven't met a single pony that hasn't spoken to themselves at some point."

"It's not that he does it that makes it weird." Twilight explained, her face shifting to a look of curiosity. "He speaks to himself like he's talking to a different person, as they call themselves."

Rarity was becoming intrigued, so much so that she even slowed down on her work so she could focus more on Twilight's explanation. "How so? Give me another example."

"It usually goes something like this." She cleared her throat before continuing. "He could be walking down the hall and get completely lost. Then he says 'Brain, where the heck are we?' Then he'll wait for a second and look like he's become irritated before saying something like, 'You're fricken useless.' and then proceed to argue with himself."

She wasn't sure what to make of this guy now. Before she made her assumptions about him and what he could be like, but this was nothing like what she had imagined. "That is definitely..something? Yes, something."

The room went quiet for the better part of two minutes when Rarity finally broke the silence and with a proud smile on her face. "All done!" She said jubilantly, lifting the outfit into the air with her magic. "I must say, this is quite a change of pace."

Rarity looked over at Twilight, picturing what she would look like in her new outfit. "If I may be just a bit brutally honest with you, Twilight. I would never have imagined you coming in and asking for something like this. It seems a little; what's the word? Out of character for you."

Twilight rolled her eyes and let out an audible grumble. "You sound just like Spike."

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing, darling. Sometimes a girl just has to change things up a bit, I completely understand. Besides, I'm sure you will look fabulous." She levitated the clothing neatly into a plastic bag and gave it to Twilight.

Her words had helped Twilight perk up a bit. At first she felt just plain weird about the whole thing, but Rarity had lifted her spirits. "Thank you, Rarity. What do I owe you?"

The unicorn waved a hand at Twilight. "Think nothing of it, darling. This was a fun little project and I will not let that moment be spoiled with money."

Twilight smiled and rose from her seat. "Thank you, Rarity. And, I hate to do this, but I should go out and find Ryan."

"That's perfectly fine, dear. You go on and find your little coltfriend." She said with a smirk.

The alicorn's purple face instantly turned red.

I am starting to get really uncomfortable...

The moment Ryan entered town every living thing seemed to stop what it was doing, completely freeze in its place, and just watch him as he walked by. If he weren't in a completely different universe and they were all humans he would have sworn they were planning to kill him...or that someone had drawn a penis on his forehead.

He did his best to ignore the stares he was getting and focus on memorizing the town a bit, but it was becoming quite difficult to tolerate. He got distracted while reading a few of the signs on top of the small buildings and bumped into something.

Ow...

"God fucking dammit!" Ryan said as he recomposed himself. Once everything had cleared up he looked down to see a woman with tan fur a curly blue hair sitting in the dirt and rubbing her head. She wore an outfit that looked like it belonged to a house wife back in the 1950's...or maybe 70's. He really didn't know, he was a 90's kid.

The mare waited for the pain in her head to subside before opening her eyes and looking up at what she had bumped into. She had been so distracted with trying to figure out why the whole town had just frozen in place that she forgot to look where she was going. Suddenly she realized why everypony had just turned into statues.

Standing over her, just inches away, was something she had never seen before. It stood probably taller than her, a creature with no muzzle or fur, and tiny ears. It's bright blue eyes stared into her green eyes with an intense look. This is it, she thought, this is where I die. She closed her eyes, awaiting the inevitable.

She felt something grab her hand, something soft and warm. Her arm was then pulled upward, forcing her back onto her feet. Once she was stable her hand was released and she heard footstep moving away from her.

Her eyes opened and she turned around to see the creature walking away with its hands in its pockets. As much as she tried to hold back, she simply couldn't. "Wait!" She called out, running over to the thing she had previously ran into. It turned around and she stopped. This is where she choked a bit. "Um...Hi?"

Ryan watched as she nervously raised one of her hands and waved at him. He mimicked her gesture in kind. "Howdy." He was about to take off when she called out to him again.

"Hold on, please..." She walked even closer to him, her heart racing faster and faster with every step she took. "I'm sorry for bumping into you. I got distracted and wasn't watching where I was going."

"Same here, sweetheart." He said, finally putting his full attention onto her. "Now is that all or are you going to keep following me?"

She blushed slightly, "I'm sorry, I've just never seen anything like you before. I'm...just being nosy I guess." She explained with a nervous smile. "What are you?"

"I'm a piñata, find a stick and whack me a few times; You'll get free candy." He said sarcastically, "Look at me, I'm a fucking alien. What do you think?"

Dumb broad.

She recoiled a bit. Why was he swearing at her? Did she offend him? "I'm sorry if I'm upsetting you."

"No, it's fine. I'm still adjusting to this weird place."

She calmed down, now knowing that she wasn't making him mad. She was still unsure of what this thing was, but it was fascinating. Part of her felt scared beyond belief, but another part just wanted to learn more about him. "I was just on my way to the Hay Burger. You can come with if you'd like. Consider it my apology for bumping into you."

Ryan wasn't too sure about this mare. She was weird, in the aspect that she wasn't frozen in place just by the mere sight of him. But, the southerner in him wasn't just gonna let him pass this up. "Sure, why not?"

The human walked beside the mare, letting her lead the way. She looked over at him, her eyes hungry for information. "Do you have a name?"

"Ryan, Ryan Curtis." He simply replied.

"That's a weird name."

"Don't judge, I'm from another world. What's your name?"

"Masquerade."

"...You see, now that is a weird name."

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is! How the fuck do people get ahold of you? Send a ballroom invitation?"

It had been nearly two hours since Twilight had left Rarity's to find Ryan. This was becoming quite annoying for her. She hadn't been able to spot him even once. She even asked several ponies if they had seen him and many said that they did, but didn't know where he went off to. The most she could figure out was that he was seen speaking with another mare and both of them just kind of left.

With no other leads and no idea where he could have gone to, Twilight had nearly lost all hope. That was until she heard something very strange coming from a nearby restaurant. The sound of music, a song she had never heard before, and an all too familiar voice yelling from inside.

"Who's ready for a show!"

The voice echoed through her head like a bullet as she grumbled and silently prayed that something bad wouldn't happen. She made her way over to the restaurant, quickly recognizing it as the Hay Burger. This wasn't a place that she normally visited, but still enjoyed.

Twilight took a breath to settle herself. "Okay, I'm sure everything is fine. He's not doing anything wrong." She said to herself, hoping that her words would be true.

She opened the door and was met with a sight that nearly made her faint. A crowd of mares all surrounded one particular table, one of which a bipedal, furless creature was making into his metaphorical bitch.

Ryan laid down on a table covered in gold coins, his back facing the ceiling and his shirtless torso pushed up off of the table with one arm while the other rested on his waist, all while gyrating his hips in a very inappropriate manner. As he did this, he was singing along to the song being played from a small black device strapped to his belt.

"~Well woman the way they time

cold I wanna be keepin' you warm.

I got the right temperature for shelter

you from the storm."

His actions made several ponies around him cheer as they made a point of doing a bit of dancing on their own. All while watching him continue his near sexual assault on the table beneath him.

The human pushed himself back up into a standing position, but it wasn't over yet. He threw his arms back and flexed his muscles, locking his fingers together behind his head as his hips swayed and moved like water running down a stream to the beat of the song.

"~Oh Lord, gal I got the right tactics

to turn you on. And girl I

wanna be the papa.

You can be the mom. Oh, oh!"

It didn't take much longer for the owner to finally run out and see the events taking place in the middle of his restaurant; A dark coated stallion wearing a grimy-looking suit. He gave the human a hard look, but it took no notice to the stallion. He made his way through the group of mares and to the table, grabbing the human by his pants and yanking him down.

Ryan felt a hard tug from his side and lost his footing in the middle of his dance. He fell from the table, luckily being caught by several ponies who lowered him down gently before everyone's attention moved to the one responsible for interrupting the party.

He glared at Ryan, his nostrils flared and his face scrunched up in an almost humorous manner. "Get out..."

Ryan cocked his head at him. "Um, no?"

"Excuse me?" He said with a hint of venom in his voice.

"I'm sorry, sir. But, what part of 'Fuck Off" are you not understanding here?" He explained in his own little way. "I am a paying customer and I'm making this place more fun. So you can go fuck yourse-"

Twilight quickly ran up behind Ryan and put a hand over his mouth, smiling nervously at the owner and the surrounding group of disappointed mares. "What he means to say is, he's sorry and will be taking his leave right now."

Like hell we will!

Ryan started to struggle against the mare's grip, but soon found his body covered in a purplish glow that lifted him off of the ground. "Oh, come on! What the hell kind of bullshit is this!?"

"We are going home and that is final!" Twilight shouted before taking off through the door with him floating just in front of her; leaving everypony else without the chance to say a single word to them. A bit of yelling could be heard outside, but not much else as they moved further and further away from the Hay burger.

The owner huffed as they left. "Good riddance." He said, turning his attention to the group behind him. "Now, if you would all take your seats, I will gladly take your-"

He went silent as the ponies started gathering their items and walking out of the restaurant. He could do nothing but watch as they left and a voice called out from, what sounded, pretty far away.

"Ha! Up yours, bitch!"

Author's Note

This was a bit of a difficult chapter for some reason, thank god that song played on m radio and gave me a really stupid idea. Hopefully it tickles your funny bones as much as it does your loins.
As always, feel free to leave a comment below, comments make me feel special :P
I will see you all in the next chapter.

Song:

Just Play Along

"I'm sorry," Ryan began, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb as he sat in a small wooden chair not three feet from Twilight, "you read what?"

Twilight lets out an annoyed sigh and closes the book she is holding. Once it was closed she set it down on a small table that rested between her and the human. "I read that, in new relationships, the couple should spend as much time together as possible. This helps them bond and get to know each other better."

He rested an elbow on his knee and propped his head up on his fist, nodding as he did so. His eyes locked onto the mare, looking over her features to see just how serious she was. "Mhm, I see. So there's only one problem here then."

She cocked her head to the side in both confusion and curiosity. To be honest, she could spot a number of problems, but he claimed to only see one. She wondered what that would be. "Would you like to tell me what that is?"

He nodded to her with a calm expression on his face. "Sure, why not. You see, the only problem I'm picking up on here is that...We are not in a relationship!" He began yelling, feeling as though his volume may just help emphasize his point. "I only met you like three days ago. One of which I was unconscious!"

Do you think she did things to us while we were literally in a 24 hour coma?

The young alicorn recoiled slightly from Ryan's sudden raise in volume. At first she thought he was going to cooperate with her and actually point out an issue that he was noticing. Bad move on her part. "Look, I know you're still adjusting to life here and all, but I need you to-"

"Excuse me, did you just say adjusting?" Against her better judgement, Twilight nodded to confirm that she indeed did say that. "No, this is not adjusting. Adjusting would be like going to a nude beach over and over until you grew comfortable enough to not throw up at after eighty year old men naked. This is far beyond adjusting. This is almost an adapt or die type of deal."

Adapt or die? Did he really think that something so bad might happen that it could kill him? And if so, why? Things here couldn't be that different from his world. But then again, he wasn't from here at all. "What would make you think that-?"

"It's a figure of speech." He replied, already knowing what she was going to ask. "Listen here, Sparkle. I am a living, breathing, sentient lifeform. I am not here to be your boy toy, and I'm sure as hell not some magical mail order boyfriend. That is not how this shit works."

He was right, Twilight thought. Here she was, trying to convince him to start dating her. And for what? So she could try to figure out if the portal was right or if she had completely botched the spell. These mental reminders brought tears to her eyes. "You're right..."

"And on top of-"

*Vinyl aggressively stopping* Wait, what?

"Hold on, what did you say?" Ryan asked, feeling as though he had just missed a step.

Twilight looked up at him with half lidded, watery eyes. "I said you're right. I brought you here against your will. I wanted to find somepony to share my life with and I was willing to do absolutely anything. I opened the portal and it showed me you. At the time I was trying to protect you from getting hurt, but to be honest, I think I might have brought you here regardless of the crash."

Ryan was at a complete loss for words. All he could do was lean back in the chair, eyes wide as he listened to her speak. "It was stupid and ignorant. I wasn't thinking about anything but my own selfish desires and I'm sorry for that. I've just been so lonely that I...That I..."

She couldn't continue anymore. Twilight buried her face into her hands and began crying right in front of the human who's life she had probably just ruined forever.

Well uh...I...God dammit! I feel like a fucking dick now!

No words came from Ryan's mouth, no actions were taken. He just sat still and watched her bawl her eyes out just a few feet from him as he tried to process what to do next.

Ass packing, fucking...cock...OH FOR FUCK SAKE! I can't take it! Just play the motherfucking boyfriend role for one day and make it stop!

He couldn't help but growl at himself for a moment before taking a deep breath to recompose himself. Once his mind was somewhat settled down he rose from his seat and walked over to Twilight, who lifted her head when she heard footsteps coming closer to her.

She didn't even have a second to react as Ryan dropped down to his knees so he was about eye-level with her and wrapped his arms around her torso. Twilight's body was tense for a little while, but she soon managed to ease into returning the embrace.

As much as part of him was completely disgusted by what he was doing and screaming at him to run while he still could, he simply couldn't. He couldn't stand to see a woman cry, even if she was some kind of weird magical horse, and especially if it was his fault and she didn't deserve it. Yes, she pulled him out of his world and away from everything he knew. But, at the same time, she had also saved his life and he was treating her like garbage.

You're not helping me feel any better...

Ryan broke the hug and looked at Twilight's wet face as she sniffled a bit and stared back at him. He rolled his eyes a bit, his breathing indicating that he was still internally at war with what to do right now. "Fuck, okay. I'll play nice with you, alright." The mare's expression began to pick up, but stopped as her reaction was cut off by the human's voice. "But, it's only for today. So enjoy it while it lasts."

He released Twilight and stood up straight and tall, folding his arms behind his back and pushing up to pop his spine several times. He let out a relieved sight and relaxed his body. "Now go freshen up, we're going out tonight."

She didn't say a single word to him. Twilight just smiled and nodded before taking off to her room so she could get changed. She had been trying to find a reason to wear her new outfit and now she finally had one.

Ryan went back to his chair and took a seat, running a hand through his messy blonde hair as he tried to formulate a plan for the night to try and keep her happy.

You know, sometimes I feel like we're too nice.

"Tell me about it..."

Twenty minutes had passed since Ryan had told Twilight to freshen up and she was going nuts with doing everything she could to look perfect. She didn't know why she felt the need to make sure that every little thing was in place, it was just something she had grown accustomed to since she was a little filly.

After she had finished combing her hair she walked over to her closet and opened it, revealing numerous clothes within it and a single, full-length, mirror on one of the doors. Her mane was neatly combed and tied back into a ponytail and the new outfit Rarity made for her fit her form perfectly. The purple V-neck hugged her slim stomach and widened slightly around the waist and chest region to accommodate her figure immaculately.

She couldn't say that she understood the whole concept of skinny jeans. Sure, they were pretty comfortable, but they showed off her flank quite a bit. Twilight stared down at her rear for a moment before her eyes widened in realization. She could now say she knew why stallions loved it when mare's wore really tight clothing.

Before, she hardly even paid attention to things like this. She was always busy either with her studies or hanging out/helping her friends. But, now that she was really focusing on the clothing, she could clearly see the appeal.

Surprisingly, she liked this look. It felt new, fresh, and if she did say so herself, like she had been improved. She would have to look into more outfits like this. Something about it made her feel pretty and desirable. The only thing she was really concerned about was whether or not Ryan would like it, which confused her. The concern she had over his opinion of her seemed to grow more and more by the minute.

Twilight was pulled out of her thoughts as a knocking came from her door. Soon, after the knocking, a voice followed. "Hey, what's taking you so long? We going out or what?"

"I'll be out in a minute." She called out, taking one last look in the mirror before whispering to herself. "You can do this, Twilight. He said he would be nice, so you just have to do the same in return. Let's do this!"

Twilight closed up the closet and made her way to the door, opening it slowly to see the human standing on the other side. Her eyes quickly took in the changes that had taken place over the time she had spent getting ready.

Ryan stood there wearing a clean pair of blue jeans and a sleeveless red flannel shirt. His hair had been combed over to one side, but still held its spikey appearance.

The human's eyes locked onto Twilight and quickly scanned her body, occasionally resting on some rather inappropriate spots on her body. He was expecting to find her in another one of her uniforms, but instead was greeted with something much more appealing.

Oh dear sweet God, that body...I was being harsh earlier and very judgmental...Please disregard anything mean I have said about her at any point. They are all null and void now!

In Ryan's eyes, Twilight's body was fantastic. It was hard to tell with the whole school-girl thing going on, but this was eye candy on at least seven different levels.

She may not have the most prominent curves in the world, but she wore what she did have very well. From her moderately sized, perfectly round rear all the way to a tempting C-cup chest. He didn't know what it was about the ponytail, but the fact that it existed just added to her appearance.

A nervous blush quickly spread across Twilight's face as she watch Ryan's eyes go over her. It was starting to bother her with how much she genuinely wanted him to like the way she looked. "What do you think?"

Forcing his senses to come back to him, Ryan managed to play it cool and act as though it wasn't fazing him. "I gotta say, you're really pulling this off. I didn't think I'd ever see you in anything that didn't belong in an office at the very least."

She put her hands together, wrapping her fingers over her kncukles and rubbing her thumbs against each other. "So...you like-?"

"You're fucking breath-taking."

Don't forget heart-stopping. This is the fifth time I've had to jump start this thing in the last nine second!

Ryan's words had quickly eased Twilight's nerves, but now she was beginning to feel a bit flustered. She never thought anypony-er-anyone would ever say something so nice to her. Grated, he did swear when he said it, but it's the principle.

The human shrugged and reached out, grabbing her hand in his before leading her toward the exit. "Well, that's enough fucking around. Come on, I got the whole thing planned out and a mental checklist I'd like to get through. You just try enjoy yourself."

Ryan led the way through Ponyville. Although he didn't have the whole place as memorized as he would have liked, he still had a general idea of where many things were. He took Twilight to the arcade first, where he showed her how to play video games like a pro. They went at it until a kid by the name of Button Mash finally managed to beat him.

That fucker was hacking! He had cheat codes!!!

Next he took her into sugar cube corner for ice cream. If there is one thing that girls love, it's ice cream. [Keep that in mind when your girlfriend says she wants to go out. Alright, Gentlemen?]

During their walks around town, Twilight quickly noticed the stares that both she and Ryan were getting. It made her uncomfortable, but Ryan appeared to not care in the slightest. He just ignored them, pretending like there wasn't anything going on. She could admire that, being able to handle the judgmental eyes of others with nothing more than a simple turn of his head.

Finally, Ryan brought them to their last stop; a nice little restaurant where, in Twilight's opinion, they made the best daisy sandwiches. They sat down, ordered a small meal, and just talked for nearly an hour.

The human was a bit hesitant with the menu and the meal he had ordered. Twilight wondered what kind of things humans ate. She would have make it a point to ask him some time. Right now though, she was enjoying herself. "So there is literally no magic in your world at all?" She asked, shocked at the very idea of being somewhere with no magic.

"Nope." He simply replied. "We have things like; magicians, illusions, and stuff like that. But that's all just hat tricks and make believe stuff."

She leaned forward, pressing her chest against the table as her fascinated mind forced her to draw closer. "How does your species survive? How do they move the sun and the moon? How-?"

"Chill out there, sweetheart." Ryan said, pressing a finger to her muzzle to push her back into her seat, as she was already nearly standing. "First off, the sun and the moon move on their own. That's the power of a strong gravitational pull. Secondly, we have technology that we have built to accommodate for our short comings. I'd love to explain it all, but that's a lot of shit to go through in just one day."

The waiter who had taken their order walked over and placed their bill on the table. Both parties reach out to grab it, Ryan's hand landed over the bill while Twilight's rested on top of his. The two looked up and locked eyes for just a moment.

What the fuck is this; some cheesy ass love story? Grab the fucking paper!

Ryan pulled his arm back, keeping the bill palmed in his hand. "Back off, sweetheart. I've got this."

"Are you sure?" Twilight asked, "I don't think what passes for currency in your world will work here..."

Her voice trailed off as he pulled a small pouch out of his pocket and emptied out just enough bits to pay for the meal and even gave the waiter a 30% tip.

Twilight's jaw nearly dropped. Either humans and ponies had the same money, or he robbed somepony while he was out and about. Those were the only two things she could come up with, prompting her to question him. "How did you-?"

"I was dancing on a table in a public place with my shirt off...How else would I have gotten money?"

She slowly began putting the pieces together in her head. Anypony nearby who would have looked at her could practically see the gears in her head turning. "So you did all of that just to get money?"

"Yes and no." He began, "This mare took me there and we hung out for a while. We ordered some food, but I didn't have any money and she was short. I told her to leave and I would find a way to take care of it. After she left, I did what I do best. I used my body to my advantage; Even better than that, I knew the owner would eventually just get pissed and throw me out. That way, I would have money and not even have to pay."

Twilight watch as a shit eating grin spread across his face. As bizarre as he was, and as stupid as he acts sometimes, she had to admit that he made a very clever move. Not only that, but he knew exactly what he was doing and how to make it all work out for him. She gave the human a somewhat stern look. Perhaps he is smarter than he lets on.

Something shiny!

Ryan's head quickly jerked to the side, allowing him to see a pony offering another pony some sort of gem. Twilight soon followed his gaze, then turned her head back to him and waved a hand in front of his face.

"Are you okay?" She asked with a somewhat concerned look on her face.

He blinked a few times before turning his attention back onto her. "Yeah, I'm fine." He looked around and took notice of how dark it was. "It's getting late. We should probably head back."

Twilight inspected the area, confirming for herself that it was indeed getting late. "That's probably a good idea."

The walk back was relatively silent. Both of them became lost within their own minds, playing out how the day had gone. Everything from the games they played, to the laughs they shared, and the almost never ending waves of conversation that sparked between them. When they had gotten back to the castle Ryan walked Twilight to her room where she stopped and faced him completely.

She had a nervous look on her face, like she was expecting something to happen but wasn't sure how to go about handling it. "I uh...I had a really nice time today...Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah; I'm great, I know." He said with a cocky smile. "All jokes aside though, I had a lot of fun too. More than I was expecting, actually."

Twilight let out a short giggle, then the air around them fell into an awkward silence. "Well, I guess I'll just-"

Would you stop being a bitch and end this night properly!

Ryan reached out and grabbed one of Twilight's arms, causing her to yelp as he pulled her close to him. Once she was wrapped in his arms he firmly pressed his lips against hers and held her there.

Twilight was startled at first, but soon began to melt into his embrace and his kiss, letting the rest of her body go limp as she placed her hands on his shoulders and let her eyes close.

This...actually feels kind of nice.

At that thought Ryan broke the kiss and pulled back from her with an almost fearful expression on his face. Once Twilight's eyes had opened she could see the scared look on his face and immediately started to worry. "Is there something wrong?"

He nodded and started backing away. "No, nothing's wrong."

She didn't believe him for a second. There was clearly something bothering, he wouldn't be acting this way otherwise. "Is it something I did?" She asked, thinking that she was scaring him away.

"It's not you!" He yelled, his mind already jumping into a hyperactive panic. He put one of his hands to his head and ran it through his hair. "I'll be fine, I just...Fuck, I need a drink."

Ryan turned around and made his way down the hall, leaving Twilight alone and confused.

Author's Note

Just a quick note; I know the comedy isn't what it used to be in this one, but I have a reason. When it comes to a situation like this, there is going to be some tension. I'm trying to break through that tension as soon as possible so that we can go back to the comedic style. That's why these last few chapters haven't had as many laughs as they usually did in the original. So please, bare with me for the next chapter or two. The funnies will return.

With that out of the way, I hope you are all still enjoying the story, feel free to like and share it with your friends. Also, feel free to post comments below, comments make me feel special :P

Giving Us A Chance

Twilight let out a cute yawn as she exited her room in a pair of very light pajamas. Last night had left her exhausted, especially afterwards when she was straining herself with thoughts of what she could have done to upset Ryan. She had no idea what was wrong with him or why he acted the way he did, but she didn't want to pry. It wasn't her place to make him give up personal information.

Never-the-less, she managed to get a decent amount of much needed rest, making her feel pretty rejuvenated. Hopefully she could make the best of today and patch everything up with him. She walked down the hall and entered the dining room where she spotted a rather odd sight.

Spike was standing on the table next to Ryan's unconscious body, a small stick firmly grasped in his hand. He held out the stick and used it to poke the human's exposed torso several times before finally noticing the purple princess standing by the entrance.

He had a look about him that held a strange combination of concern and disgust. He gave the body a couple more pokes before turning to face Twilight. "I think he's dead..."

Her eyes widened and she quickly made her way to them, looking over Ryan's form. She found something weird on his chest. She remembered seeing it before when he was in the hospital, and once more when he was dancing on that table in the Hay Burger, but she had never really taken the time to analyze it. After looking him over to confirm that he was still breathing, she looked over what she had seen earlier.

At first she was scared shitless; what she saw was a crater in his chest right above his heart. In place of the fleshy beating organ was something really bizzar and it appeared to be made of metal.

Spike leaned over, trying to get a better look at the wound. He looked at it and became just as stumped as Twilight, having no idea what he was even looking at. "What is that?"

Twilight shrugged with a concerned and scared look glued to her face. "I don't know..." She replied, staring down the area and trying to come up with some kind of explanation.

Her curiosity soon became too much and she reached out to touch it. Rather than reaching into his chest, her hand was stopped by a layer of smooth skin. Her expression shifted from dread to borderline confusion. Here he was, a gaping hole clearly in his chest, but at the same time not.

She ran her fingers over the surface of his skin, causing him to stir from his slumber. His bloodshot eyes forced themselves open and Twilight pulled her hand back as Ryan rose up into a sitting position and stretched his arms above his head.

Jesus, fuck...what happened last night?

Ryan let out a yawn and scratched his head, breaking a few dead hairs loose from his scalp and letting them fall to the floor. He looked over and saw Twilight standing beside him as well as the overgrown talking lizard she had as a pet; or, as he called himself, her number one assistant. He had never really gotten into a full conversation with him, allot of the time he did his best to avoid the little bastard.

He noticed them giving him an odd look, one that was starting to make him feel a bit uncomfortable. After a brief stare down he finally caved. "What the fuck do you guys want, a cookie? Get outta my face." He hopped down from the table and stretched once more, making him wince as something in his chest popped. "Ahhh, fuck. That one hurt a little."

Twilight slowly moved closer to him, not taking her eyes off of his chest. "Ryan, are you okay? I mean, really, okay?"

One of his brows raised at her as she asked this. "Yeah..." He replied, starting to feel a bit unsure about himself. "Why?"

She didn't say another word, she just pointed at his chest, causing him to glance down. He quickly realized what she was referring to and nodded his head. "It's just a tattoo. What, ponies don't have those?"

"A tattoo?" Spike inquired, "What's that, some kind of cutie mark?"

Ryan opened his mouth to speak, but stopped himself to think about it. "It can be; in a way, I guess." Twilight told him what a cutie mark was during their date when he spotted a mare wearing a really short skirt. He saw what looked like a tattoo of a rose bush on her ass and followed up with a 'What the fuck?'

"Why is it on your chest then?" Twilight asked, "Cutie marks appear on a ponies flanks. Is it different in your world?"

He was going to give her a deadpan look, but then remembered that she had just said that ponies don't have tattoos. "No, these don't just appear."

Both Spike and Twilight glanced at each other with a confused look on their face. "I don't get it." They said in unison.

Now he couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Okay, in order to get a tattoo you have to go to someone who does them. They take a little machine with a needle, soak it with permanent ink, then draw whatever you want into your skin. You can get them whenever and wherever you want. Some of them, like mine, have meaning; some are just for fun or people or being just plain stupid."

They seemed to be catching on, but he could tell that they didn't quite get it. "Okay, give me a second." Ryan began, trying to think of a better way to explain it. "Think of it as a sticker. You can get what you want and put it on your body permanently."

That seemed to click as they both let out an 'oh' to show that they got the gist of what he was saying. However, Twilight wasn't quite done learning yet. Her mind was so curious about new things and she always wanted to understand them perfectly. "You said that some, like yours, have a meaning. What does yours mean?"

He let out an annoyed sigh and buried his face into his palms. It was way too early for this shit and he had just finished explaining what a tattoo was to begin with. "Tell you what; how about one of you gets me a cup of coffee and then I'll tell you."

In less than five minutes the small dragon brought a steaming hot pot of coffee to the table and several cups. Everyone took their seats and poured themselves a cup before sipping down the warm liquid.

Then there was Ryan, who set his filled cup in the center of the table and grabbed the whole pot. Once he had it in his grasp, he placed the edge to his lips and began gulping it down. There was about a quarter left when he finally placed the pot back down and let out a satisfied sigh and, soon after, a belch.

Spike and Twilight had stopped mid-sip to watch him suck down the coffee like water. Neither of them knew how any living thing could just do something like that and not get sick in some way, but they felt it would be easier not to question it.

Twilight took one more quick sip before setting down her cup and putting all of her attention back onto the human. "So, about your tattoo?"

Ryan gave her an odd look before remembering what they were talking about earlier. "Oh, yeah." He leaned forward and pointed at the torn flesh around the deep reed hole. "The crater itself was just cool, I liked how it looked; plus I felt like it was necessary given what it was based around."

His hand then moved over to the metallic device in the center of the crater. It had several gears, nuts and bolts, and even rubber tubes that stretched across the inside of the hole. "This is a heart made out of mechanical pieces. It's supposed to be a representation of sorts."

Spike was starting to get just as interested in this as Twilight was. He finished up his cup of coffee and set the mug aside. "A representation of what?"

Just as Ryan was about to say something he let out a very loud, very painful sneeze. After a few quick sniffs to make sure his nose was still working, he apologized and continued explaining. "In my world there was this saying, one that had two meanings. The saying was; You have a heart like a machine. This was used as another way of saying that you were heartless, or that you cannot die."

This got Twilight thinking. "Which one referred to you?"

"Both." He said with a shrug, "There were plenty of things that I had to go through that, by all rights, should have killed me. But, I fought through those things and survived. That's when my friends started saying I had a heart like a machine."

"How does the other one fall onto you then?" Spike asked curiously.

Ryan curled his lips inward, showing just how uncomfortable he was starting to feel. He bit down on them for a second before letting them move back to their proper places. "I have been in allot of relationships, most of which ended because I could not feel anything for the person I was with."

The two sat silently and listened to Ryan's story. "I tried to be with allot of different types women of various backgrounds, but it all just kept falling onto the fact that I genuinely didn't give a fuck about any of them. But, at the same time, they cared very deeply for me. I would leave them, their hearts would shatter, and even then I couldn't care less how they felt. That's when their friends started saying I had a heart like a machine."

Twilight's eyes started to water. If what he was saying was true then that meant that he didn't care about her. Everything they did together yesterday was pointless. For a brief moment last night, she thought that he was actually starting to like her. She was wrong, hedoesn't care about her and he never will. She aggressively rose from her seat and took off running down the hall. Spike and Ryan watched her take off, neither of them knowing why.

"What the hell's her problem?" Ryan asked, feeling something weird in his chest. It was like some sort of emptiness that he couldn't explain, followed by a sharp pain.

"I don't know." Spike said as he started to raise from his seat. "I should probably go check on her."

"No," Ryan said, making Spike stop dead in his tracks. "I'll do it, I need to talk to her anyway."

The dragon was reluctant to just sit back and do nothing about Twilight. She had been like a sister to him all his life so he did whatever he could to make sure she was happy. But, if Ryan thinks he can do it better, than who is he to stop him.

Ryan got out of his seat and made his way to Twilight's room. He could hear her crying from outside, but when he went to open the door he found that it was locked. He knocked a few times, pressing his ear to the door so he could hear her better. "You alright in there, sweetheart?"

"Leave me alone!" She shouted, sounded both sad and extremely pissed. "And don't call me, sweetheart!"

He paused for a moment, taking a step back from the door. He felt a certain level of anger growing in him and took a breath to bury that anger, the last thing anyone needed was for him to lose his cool. As much as he wanted to just walk away and let her cry out whatever it was that was bothering her, he couldn't. There was this nagging feeling in his chest that wouldn't allow him to leave. "Come on, talk to me. What's wrong?"

The door shot open, nearly knocking Ryan back. If he would have been just an inch closer, it would have smacked him right in the face. Rather than focus on that though, his attention became locked onto the sobbing mare with a very livid expression standing right in front of him. "Why does it matter!? You don't care about me and you never will! You said it yourself!"

"Correction," He said, raising a finger in the air. "I said I couldn't care about them, them being my ex's. I never referred to you at all in that whole thing." Despite the fact that he was starting to get extremely irked, he wasn't just going to let himself explode all over this poor mare. She's upset, doing that would probably just make it worse.

"Oh, come on!" She yelled, "Mr. Heart Like A Machine, you don't care about me at all! Everything we did yesterday was pointless! The games, the dinner, the kiss. It was all just a lie, admit it!"

Ryan's body was beginning to tremble, his skin taking on a reddish appearance. He was doing everything he could to hold back his anger, but the way she just kept pushing was making it very difficult.

Twilight took a step closer to him, getting in his face. Something he really doesn't like. "Don't just stand there all quiet! Say something! Do you care about me at all? Tell me the truth!"

I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!

"Shut the fuck up, you God damn horse!" He screamed, nearly being five times louder Twilight. His sudden aggressive behavior made her lose her offensive stance as she flinched and jumped back. "Holy fucking hell, you're going to give me an aneurism!"

He stopped yelling, taking no less than a minute to just breathe and let his nerves settle before continuing to speak. "Listen, I...I panicked, I didn't know what to do and I freaked out."

Twilight cocked her head a bit at him, her angered expression quickly returning. "What are you talking about?"

"Last night," He began, "I...God dammit! I did feel something...That time we spent together was the most fun I've had in years without physically hurting someone. And when I kissed you...I did feel something. I...felt at peace, like everything in the world was alright and that I could be genuinely happy...with...you..."

Twilight watched his features as he spoke, trying to find something, anything that would indicate that he wasn't being truthful. She found nothing, the only thing she saw was a guy forcing himself to open up, putting himself in a position that he was clearly very uncomfortable with to try and make her feel better.

"If that's true, then why did you leave the way you did?" She asked, still trying to see if he'd show any signs of deception.

He took a breath and nodded. "I told you, I panicked. I've never felt anything like that for anyone and...I hate to admit it, but it scared the fuck out of me. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to react. Hell, even now I don't know how to respond to what made that click the way it did. I'm confused...I'm freaked out. It's like they say, people fear what they don't understand and I genuinely do not understand this at all."

She was at a complete loss for words, her anger died and flowed away like dust in the wind, leaving her in an almost shock-like position. "I don't know what to say..."

Ryan shrugged, "Neither do I, but I might have an idea." Twilight gave him a look that urged him to speak. "We could start over. I could give his whole 'Being your mate' thing a try, I guess."

Twilight was hesitant, but she couldn't help but smile. She raised a hand to her face and whipped away the tears that were decorating her face. "I think I would like that."

Deciding to take the initiative, Ryan raised his arms. "Come on, bring it in." She wasted no time jumping into his arms, wrapping him in a surprisingly painful embrace.

Girl's a bit stronger than I expected...

Despite the fact that his lungs were being crushed by this mare's unnatural level of strength, Ryan wrapped his arms around her back and returned the hug. He let his mind wander on things to come; then he realized that he had no idea what was to come. Anything could happen at this point. Honestly, he wasn't sure if he wanted to dive head first into this new adventure, or brace himself for something disastrous.

Fuck it, let's just see what happens.

Author's Note

I posted this a little later than expect and for that I apologize, but I couldn't remember if I had gone through and edited it or not. I figured I'd rather be a little late than leave you all with shit. So sorry about that, but hey, at least now I know it'll be all good once it's posted.
Yes, I am writing this out before I have begun editing. DON'T JUDGE ME!!!
Also, it is late for me. So if I missed anything that may have been a little fucked up or even if it's just a simple grammar error, please let me know. I will go back and fix it once I am notified of the problem.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy. Leave a like if you did, share it with your friends, and feel free to leave a comment below; comments make me feel special :P

Rainbow Daring D-bag

"Horse feathers, this is heavy." Twilight spoke in a strained voice as she held a large basket of freshly picked apples in her hands. Several other baskets surrounded her, floating in her magical grasp as she struggled to keep up with Applejack, who was carrying two in each hand with relative ease.

"Just a little bit further sugarcube." Applejack said in an encouraging tone. "We're almost there." She knew Twilight wasn't exactly the strongest pony, but appreciated the help regardless.

If Rainbow Dash had shown up to help, like she promised, then Twilight wouldn't have to be here straining herself just to lend a hand. She would have asked her brother for help, but he was busy with his own work on the other side of the farm. No point in making him slow down just to help her. He had some important jobs to get done today.

They walked for another minute or so before finally making it to the barn door where Twilight's body and magic finally gave out and dropped the baskets to the ground, somehow being lucky enough to not spill any of the ripe fruit. "How in Equestria do you manage to do this for so long?"

Applejack flashed a proud, yet somewhat cocky, smile to her friend. "Years of practice ah guess. When you've been apple pickin' fer as long as ah have, you tend to get used to hauling around some heavy artillery." Overall it was her extensive history of hard work paying off, but she also had a natural born advantage.

Twilight watched in awe as Applejack carried all of the baskets into the barn, barely showing any sign of a struggle. Her strength was remarkable, which was something she could really admire about earth ponies. With them not being able to harness magic with a horn, or use it to allow their bodies to fly, as well as having thicker bones, earth ponies were gifted with the magic of muscle tone. "No kidding..."

Once all of the baskets were in the barn she closed the door and turned back to face her friend. "Thank yah kindly fer your help, Twi. That should be it fer pickin' today. Feel free to swing by tomorrow if you feel like lendin' a hand."

"It's no problem at all, Applejack." Twilight said with a smile as she prepped herself to head back home. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Just as she was about to take her leave, Applejack decided to check up on something. It had been a while since she had seen Twilight and she never gotten around to asking what was going on with her at home. "Before you head off, how's that thing of your doing?"

Twilight cocked her head at her friend and shot her a questioning glance. "That thing of mine?" She asked, finding it odd how vague Applejack was being. She was usually very upfront about things unless she didn't truly understand them.

"You know, that thing we pulled out of that giant metal monster. Ah haven't heard a thing about'em since we took it to Ponyville General."

Her eyes widened in realization of what her friend was talking about. "Oh, you mean Ryan? He's doing fine. I mean, he's kind of weird, but he's been...well, weird."

"His name's Ryan? Sounds a bit funky to me, but I aint nopony to judge." She commented, "What do yah mean by; he's weird?"

Twilight twiddled her thumbs together as she tried to think of a decent way to describe him to her. "Well, he's a bit eccentric, he seems to have allot of energy, and he's fairly unpredictable. I can never seem to guess what he's going to do or when."

Applejack almost looked like she was in a state of absolute horror. "Sweet Celestia, it's another Pinkie Pie..."

She giggled at Applejack's reaction. It was almost identical to how Rarity had reacted when she told her about Ryan. She wanted to tell her friends about how she and Ryan had agreed to start a relationship, but it was still early. It just didn't feel right to start announcing it, so she would hold off on that for a bit. "Not exactly. You'd really have to meet him to understand the difference."

The farmer put a hand to her chin and started thinking. "Ah really don't have too many chores to get done tomorrow. Maybe ah'll swing by to meet the fella."

"That sound great." Twilight said, being more than happy to let her friend come visit. "I'll see you then. Bye, Applejack." She said with a wave as she left the farm and made her way back home.

The walk was quiet, peaceful even. The ponies in Ponyville were all going about their day accordingly. As usual, the market place was pretty busy, but not ridiculously so. With how everypony was moving around, they didn't slow her down too much. However, the peace was immediately disturbed when she was just about to enter the pathway leading to her castle.

In the distance she could hear never ending waves of shouting and yelling, like two ponies arguing. It seemed to get louder the closer she got to her home. Finally, she found the source. She saw Rainbow Dash standing right in front of the entrance with her foot blocking the door, like she was trying to keep it from closing on her.

"Where is she, what did you do to her!?" Rainbow yelled to the figure standing on the other side of the doorway.

"For the last time," Ryan began, yelling just as loud as she was. "I don't know where she is! She left this morning to go help someone, that's all I know. Now, fuck off!" He grabbed the door handle and tried to pull it shut again, only for Rainbow's foot to keep it ajar.

"Listen here, freak!" She continued to scream, "You can either tell me where she is or I'm gonna pound you into next week!" Rainbow was fuming and desperate. If she needed to beat down this alien just to get some answers then she would happily do so.

"I'd like to see you try, bitch!" He shouted in return, accepting her challenge with open arms.

Put your dukes up, hoe!

"I'm not kidding, you're body will be twisted and bent in directions you didn't even know existed!"

"I could have you face down, ass up, in the dirt right now if I wanted to!"

Am I the only one that thinks this is starting to sound dirty?

"Quiet!" Twilight shouted, quickly earning both of their attention. "What in the wide, wide world of Equestria are you two fighting about?" She asked in an annoyed tone.

"Twilight!" Rainbow called out, charging right for her and stopping not even an inch away from her face. "What happened? Did he hurt you? If he did I swear I'll-"

Twilight shoved her hand over the rainbow maned pegasus' mouth to, quite simply, shut her up. "No, he didn't do anything to me. Why would you ever think that he did?"

She pulled Twilight's hand from her mouth so she could answer. "Spike said that he heard you two yelling at each other this morning. Then he said that you just up and vanished. I've been worried sick!"

"I left to go help Applejack at the farm because she told me that you didn't show up like you said you would." Twilight explained in a somewhat reprimanding tone.

"I was looking for you, I thought you had been ponyknapped!" She said in her defense. It seemed a bit unfair for her to worry about her friend and take the initiative to make sure she was okay, only to be talked down to.

"Well I wasn't, and I'm fine." Twilight gave her a look, a look that she knew Rainbow would recognize since she had been forced to wear it almost a million times.

Rainbow Dash seemed to calm down pretty quickly at her words, but an unpleasant look crossed her features as she realized that she was now going to have to apologize to the human she had accused of attacking Twilight. She turned around to face him and crossed her arms, letting out an annoyed sigh. "I'm sorry for accusing you of hurting Twilight. We cool?"

"Let me think about it for a second." He paused for not even a full second, "No..."

Rainbow's ears flicked at his answer as her anger started to pick back up. "Hey, I just said I was sorry, you jerk!"

"Eat my ass!" He yelled, "You apologized, big fucking deal. You want an award?"

Now her blood was starting to boil. In the blink of an eye she flew back up towards the door, sticking her face right into his. "Listen here, fruit cup-" She stopped as the human started laughing hysterically at her. "What's so funny?"

He nodded, "Nothing, nothing at all. I just find it humorous that, of all the ponies here, I'm being called a fruit cup by the only one that looks like a fucking gay pride flag."

And that style makes you look like a cross between a hillbilly and a dike. Never thought I'd ever see such a disgusting abomination with my own eyes.

Rainbow Dash growled angrily at Ryan, but before either of them could react Twilight stepped between them and pushed them apart. "That's enough! Both of you need to calm down." She said, trying to get a handle on the situation before it escalated further. "How about I make us all some tea to help us relax, okay?"

Ryan glared at Rainbow, who returned the favor in kind as he turned around and walked deeper into the castle. Twilight took a sigh of relief at his departure. At least one of them was being cooperative.

"How do you live with him?" Rainbow asked, her voice clearly showing that she was still agitated. "He's such a hard-head."

"Remind you of anypony?' Twilight asked, causing Rainbow Dash to tense up. It wasn't the fact that she had said it that shocked her, it was the fact that she said it. She wouldn't be surprised if any of her other friends talked to her like that, with the exception of Fluttershy, but never did she think in her entire life that Twilight would be the one to call her out on it.

Damn, you have the right to remain sassy!

Ryan chose to remain quiet for once. He may have been deeper in the castle, but these walls echoed like a cave. He never thought Twilight had it in her to stand up to someone like that. She always seemed like a by-the-books kind of person who would avoid confrontation and go with trying to talk things out. Maybe he was wrong about her.

After a few minutes of walking and glaring, everyone managed to find themselves in the living area. Before they could settle in though, Twilight and Rainbow Dash froze up in shock at the condition of the room. Before, it used to match the rest of the castle with it's crystal-like structure. It was also pretty empty minus a few chairs and a table.

That was no longer the case though. Now, the entire room had a much more traditional look. It had walls that looked like stacked wooden logs, the floor was made up by several dark oak planks, and in the corner was an unlit, brick fire place. There was a large rug that nearly covered the whole floor, the chairs and table were now made from mahogany, and a large chandelier covered with lit candles hung a few feet above their heads.

Both ponies turned to see Ryan standing at the door and looking around the room with a prideful smirk on his face. However, Twilight was the only one willing to speak up. "Did you do all of this?"

"Yep." He simply replied, "You like it?"

"Like it?" She began, "I love it. It's beautiful..."

"Consider it my apology..." He paused to glance over at Rainbow Dash, "for not giving you a chance sooner. And, you know, for all of the times that I'm likely gonna be a dick in the future."

It's inevitable, it's going to happen.

Twilight paces around the room to get a better look at the craftsmanship, admiring every little detail put into its design. "How did you do all of this, and so fast?"

He shrugged, "On top of being a stripper, I did dabble in construction with some of the best." He watched as she made her way to the fireplace, "I wouldn't recommend lighting that yet. I haven't gotten around to finding a way for the smoke to get out. This crystal is some strong shit." He said, knocking on a wall just outside of the room.

Once the ponies were pulled back into their natural state of mind, Twilight left to get the tea ready. This meant leaving Ryan and Rainbow Dash all alone together in the living room.

The two would glare at each other hard for seconds at a time. More often than not, Ryan's glare was followed by the raising of his middle finger. Rainbow didn't seem to understand the meaning behind this, just the look she gave him explained that. "In my world, this means Fuck you! Fucking, dumbass..."

She growled at him again, giving him the most painful death stare she could manage. "One more word out of you and I will put you through that wall."

"I will take every piece of my wood from this room and smack you upside the head with it!" Rainbow Dash shot him a disgusted look, making him think back on what he had just said. "That came out wrong...or did it?" He whispered the last part, making his hand aggressively cup his crotch and squeeze.

You are making this into a very uncomfortable situation...I salute you!

Their bantering came to a grinding halt as Twilight entered the room with a tea set levitating just in front of her. She set everything down the small wooden table and took her seat, using her magic to pour the steaming hot liquid into three individual white cups. With the cups filled she handed one off to Ryan, then one to Rainbow Dash

Twilight sipped her tea and merely observed as the two others continued to lock eyes with each other. She could practically smell the bloodlust surrounding them as they stared into each others soul with nothing but hatred.

Ryan chugged his tea and set the cup down, going back to his visual battle with Rainbow. "You like what you see?"

"As if." She huffed, "Try keeping your eyes to yourself, pervert."

"You first, Thomas Bickham."

Rainbow Dash may not have known what he was talking about, but she knew for sure that it was an insult. That was all she needed to prompt her to splash what tea she had left in her cup onto the human sitting right across the table. Ryan's body instinctively reacted by kicking his leg out, causing Rainbow to grimace in pain and curl up slightly.

Twilight's head shot over to her friend, who appeared to be in pain. She looked up at Twilight and pointed an accusing finger at Ryan. "He kicked me-"

"I kicked her right in the pussy." He said, not caring that it made him look bad. Ryan had never once been driven to strike a woman in any way shape or form. Not even the one who tried to stab him with his own knife, in his own bed. But this bitch, right here, was asking for it.

"Okay," Twilight yelled, finally snapping. "that's enough! Both of you need to stop this! The only reason you're at each others throats like this is because of a simple misunderstanding. Why can't you let it go?"

"Hey, I apologized!" Rainbow replied defensively.

"And what an apology it was." Ryan began, "I could really feel the sincerity behind ever syllable. You ever think about going in for acting classes? I'm sure they could use another hot-headed, brainless, fuck up."

"That's it!" Rainbow finally had enough. She stood up from her chair and flipped the table over before tackling Ryan to the ground, starting the next wrestling match of the century. "I'm gonna beat you to a pulp!"

"I'll rip your fucking head off and wear as a nut cup!" Ryan shouted in return.

DEATH!!!

Twilight sank into her chair and buried her head into her hands, dragging her palms across her face as she pulled them down. This day did not go as she had anticipated. It started off so well too. "What did I do to deserve this?"

Author's Note

For those who don't know, Thomas Bickham aka Tomboy is the guy who made the song It's Okay To Be Gay. [OK2BGAY]
There, that should make that a bit easier to understand.
Anyway, as usual; If you enjoy this story please like it and share with your friends. Feel free to leave a comment below, comments make me feel special :P
That being said, I'll catch yall later. Deuces!

Questionable Quirks

Ryan was stirred from his nightmarish sleep by the sound of a loud pounding on the front door. He groaned in discontent as he pulled himself off of the living room floor. After the fight with Rainbow Dash he felt obligated to stay there for the night to clean up before laying down to relax for a minute. That minute eventually translated into four hours.

With his mind in a haze and his body feeling worn out, he trudged his way to the front door, glancing at a nearby clock before opening it. "Who the fuck goes around, pounding on people's doors, at six in the morning?"

Applejack stood on the other side, listening to the human grumpily question her. Out of respect for Twilight, she chose not to indulge him in an altercation, but rather take the high road. "Sorry about that. Sometimes ah forget that most ponies don't wake up as early as I do."

She eyed the human for quite some time, taking in every detail of his body. He seemed rather fit, but not bulky in any way. He was dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a simple black T-shirt that appeared to have the sleeves ripped off of it at some point.

As the mare eyed Ryan, he eyed her in return. He could tell pretty quickly that she was strong, what with the orange flannel having it's sleeves rolled up and the midriff being too short to cover up her stomach. A pair of jean shorts covered her lower region, regular jean shorts, not those slutty daisy dukes. Finally, he spotted a large hat on her head. If his knowledge of hats suited him well, it was some kind of Stetson, but he was probably wrong. He was actually pretty jealous of how well toned her body was. Her muscle structure was much more prominent than his.

Damn, even this one clearly has a bigger set than you.

Ryan ran a hand through his messy hair, somehow managing to have it styled back to its usual glory. He wasn't sure who this mare was, or why she was here. He should probably ask her.

No shit, Sherlock!

"Would you mind telling me who you are and why I should despise you?" He asked, still being a bit upset at only getting four hours of sleep. Usually he tried for more, seeing how sleep wasn't his strong suit with the ever-plaguing stream of nightmares.

Applejack could see what Twilight meant by saying that he was weird, as well as a bit crude. Then again, he was probably still adjusting to pony society, she should give him the benefit of the doubt. Just like Fluttershy had during Discord's reformation.

"I'm Applejack, one of Twilight's friends. Ah helped free ya from that monster so we could get you to the hospital." She said with a smile, offering him her hand. "It's a pleasure to finally meet ya. You know, without the whole 'bein nearly dead' thing."

He looked down at her hand before grabbing it and shaking with a strong firm grip. With muscles like hers, he knew better than to hold back. She'd probably crush his hand otherwise. "Great, another pony I owe my life to; name's Ryan."

She admired the strength in his handshake. It showed that he was a working man, and that he could be trustworthy. "That a firm grip ya got there. Most ponies fall to their knees once ah get ahold of 'em." She complimented as she released his hand and place hers at her hip.

"Well I'm not exactly a pony now, am I?" He said with a somewhat smug look on his face. This mare didn't seem too bad. Another hard worker fresh from the farm. That knowledge came from the smell she was giving off; Sweat, mud, and pig. He had lived that life once, raking acres upon acres of land, tending to the horses, goats, and so on. It was hard and tiring, but it was honest work.

"Ah would say so." She added, before moving on to the reason she had come over. "Twilight said I could come down to visit just yesterday so ah could meet ya."

"I'm gonna go ahead and guess that, that's the nice way of saying 'Let me come in." She smiled a bit and nodded, "Well, at least your forward about your meaning. I guess there's no point in making you stand outside all day either." He stepped aside, allowing Applejack to enter before closing the door.

"Where's Twi at?" She asked, wondering why her friend wasn't up and moving.

"You said it yourself," Ryan answered, walking toward the living room with Applejack following close behind. "most ponies don't wake up as early as you."

"Oh," She blushed at her mistake. "right..."

Once they made it to the living room Applejack stopped, quickly taking notice of the renovated interior. "Well, this is quite a sight." She said with a hint of admiration in her voice. "Now who up and did all of this?"

"I did." Ryan replied, taking a seat in the wooden chair he had finished repairing last night. "The whole crystal thing was getting old really quick. I thought this would be a much more inviting look."

"Just as I expected, a working stallion at heart!" She exclaimed, her admiration soon being replaced with pride.

Applejack took a seat in one of the other chairs, watching Ryan lift an old looking bag onto the small table that sat in between them. He opened it up and pulled out a small glass and a large bottle with a label that read Serpent's Bite. "What in the hay is that?"

Ryan unscrewed the lid and filled the glass until it was half full before setting the bottle aside. "It's an apple cider flavored whiskey. Hard to come by in my world, and I doubt it exists here. So I've been saving it, but I don't think I can wait any longer."

She gave him an odd look; her opinion of him quickly changing. First he was a working man with a bit of an attitude, now he just seemed like an alcoholic. "You do realize that it's six in the morning, right?"

"Yeah, that means that it was five o'clock an hour ago." And with that he sucked down the liquid like he was taking a shot, letting it go down with a harsh but warming sensation working in perfect harmony.

Yep, alcoholic; she thought to herself. She watched as he set the glass back down on the table, refilling it before sliding the liquor filled cup toward her. She knew what he was doing, but wasn't sure if it was a good idea to join in. This drink was from another world after all. For all she knew it could be poisonous to her.

"Ah think I'll pass." Applejack said, sliding the glass back down to him.

Ryan's face turned a bit sour at this. He grabbed the glass and slid it back to her, this time being much more forceful. "Just drink the damn thing. Twilight's not going to be up for a while and this is literally the best way to bond with another person."

"Since when has drinkin ever brought two ponies closer together?" She asked, mostly out of curiosity of what his answer would be.

"I don't know about ponies," He began, getting ready to tell her a small story, "but it's worked miracles with humans. I never liked my father, he and I only had one thing in common and that was that we loved hurting other people physically. This led us to get into more fights than anything else. However, when we would drink, we actually got along very well. We would share a few laughs, torment out neighbors, we genuinely got along. We were happy; but when the booze were all gone we were back at each others throats. Ready to fight until the last man no longer drew breath."

Applejack watched as Ryan spoke in a cold tone, his face being locked into a stoic gaze that never left her for a second. She wasn't sure whether she should feel sorry for him, or be scared shitless by his mere presence. With her mind jumbled, and her better sense of judgement cowering in the corner, she quickly grabbed the glass and swallowed down the strong beverage.

Her body shuddered at its intensity, none of the cider she's ever made has even been close to that strong. To be honest, it wasn't something they used to get drunk. It was more of a 'sit down and hangout with friends' kind of drink. Just something to help everyone loosen up a bit

She placed the glass back down on the table, her face contorting slightly as she worked through the aftertaste. The flavor wasn't too bad, it was something she could probably learn to love over time. "Not bad, but don't you think it's a bit strong?"

"I don't think it's strong enough." He grabbed the glass and filled it once more, sliding it back down to her and holding the bottle up high. "To new friends, I guess."

She raised the glass and tapped it against the bottle he was holding, both of them taking their respective drinks and allowing themselves to begin the day properly.

Twilight woke up from her restful sleep, her body and mind feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day. She rose out of her bed and got dressed, putting on another outfit that Rarity had finished for her. A pair of purple skinny jeans that had her cutie mark stitched onto the back pockets and a white button up shirt.

Once she had finished getting dressed and, soon after, brushing her mane. She started making her way out to the hall, stopping for a moment to check her clock; it read nine o'clock. "Oh shoot," She yelled, "I overslept!"

She had originally planned to get up early so she could go down to Sweet Apple acres and help Applejack with the chores. Chores that started nearly three hours ago. She took off down the corridors, moving as fast as her legs could carry her. Right as she had made it to the front door, she was forced to stop. Some sort of commotion was coming from the living room. Her first thought was that Rainbow Dash had come back and her and Ryan were fighting again, which prompted her to charge into the living area.

Twilight shoved the door open, "Can't you two just..." Her words became caught in her throat as she took in the sight before her. Ryan was hanging upside down on the chandelier, holding on to the end of a rope. On the other end of the rope was Applejack, who was walking around in a circle with a bit of a wobble in her step, making the ceiling fixture spin.

"~You spin me right round, baby.

Right round!

Like a record, baby.

Right round, round, round!"

Ryan sang as he was pulled, a big dopey smile adorning his face. He looked like a kid on a merry-go-round having the time of his life, minus the very flushed look he had about him. His face was red and he seemed really out of it despite having so much fun.

Applejack had a similar look about her as well. She also seemed to be stumbling a lot, like she had been-"Oh sweet Celestia." Twilight said as the realization hit her. She glanced over at the table where there sat an empty bottle of what appeared to be some kind of whisky tipped over onto its side.

Twilight grumbled and walked over to Applejack, putting a hand on her shoulder to earn her attention. "Applejack, what are you two doing?"

The orange earth pony looked over at Twilight with a giddy look plastered on her face. She pointed up at Ryan with one hand, still holding the rope with the other. "R-Ryan...He's wanted to make a music video. Ah don't know what that *hic* is, but it soundeded...fun! So ah offered to help him."

"Yeah! Fuckin' music videos!" Ryan shouted, his legs clinging tightly to the chandelier as it continued to spin. "WOOO!!! I'm gonna be famous-Oh fuck!" He lost his grip on the metal bar, causing him to fall to the ground, landing on his back with a loud thud.

AH-HOW!!!...Is what I should be saying...

"Ryan!" Twilight shouted fearfully, running over to his aid. Applejack slowly followed behind her, disregarding the rope and doing her best to keep her balance. The young alicorn kneeled down beside the human's body, lifting his torso onto her lap. "Ryan, are you okay?"

"I can't...feel...my ass..." He muttered, earning a relieved sigh from Twilight. She was learning really quickly how to tell if he was okay or not, seeing how he seemed to get himself hurt more often than not no matter what he was doing.

"H-he...he's fine." Applejack spoke with a slur. "He's a tough...um...well darn it, ah can't think of a singe apple pun...Wait! Ah got it; he's as touch as an apple tree." She said proudly. That pride soon slipped away as part of her nagged that she had messed up somewhere in there. "Wait a minute..."

"Applejack, I think you should go home." Twilight recommended. She was happy to have her friend around and all, but she was way too far gone for her to deal with. And, on top of that, she was going to have to keep an eye on Ryan so he wouldn't cause any further damage to himself.

"A-Ah don't have to...do anythin that ah...Y-yeah, you're probably right." She submitted, just barely being able to recognize that she had more than exceeded her limit for the next few weeks. "Ah'll be on my way." Applejack rose back to her feet, carefully making her way towards the door.

"Please, be careful!" She called out to her friend, hoping that she would make it home safely.

Applejack stopped and turned around with an angered look on her face. "Ah am a grown mare, perfectly capable of handlin' mahself." She paused, a smile soon dominating her features as she waved off her friend and left. "Goodnight, Twi!"

"Merry Christmas!" Ryan shouted, raising one of his arms to wave seconds after she had already left.

Twilight turned her head to look back down a Ryan. He looked tired, but then again he was drunk so that could just be his liquor face. Regardless, she couldn't help but smiled down at him. "Come on, we should get you to bed so you can sleep this off."

Ryan fought against her efforts to lift him off of the floor, but failed since she was much more coordinated than him. Once he was back on his feet he placed a hand on Twilight's shoulder and raised the other one in front of her face, a single finger sticking out and pressed against her muzzle.

"Y-you...you're..." He stopped just long enough to look over her. "Holy fuck, you are purple...Like, really, really purple."

Twilight let out a somewhat annoyed sigh. "Yes, Ryan; I'm purple." With that she took his arm and threw it over her shoulder so she could walk him to the nearest bedroom.

Once inside she let his body collapse onto the bed, where he pushed himself up against the headboard so he could sit up with little effort. He watched as Twilight was getting ready to leave, but stopped her. "Hey, come here."

She turned around to face him, seeing his hand beckoning her over. She was curious as to why he wanted her to go back to him, so couldn't help but ask. "Why, do you need something?"

"No, just..." He pounded an open hand on a part of the bed right beside him. "Get your little ass over here and sit down."

Against her better judgment, Twilight inches her way over to the bed before finally taking a seat on its edge. Ryan pushed himself away from the headboard, sliding across the mattress to move by the alicorn's side.

Twilight was beginning to feel nervous; her body visibly tensed as he drew closer to her. But, in his intoxicated state of mind, he didn't take any notice to her uncomfortable display.

"So..." Twilight awkwardly began, doing her best to keep her eyes off of him. "Is there a reason you wanted me to come back?"

Ryan didn't reply, he simply fell into her, his head becoming buried into her stomach as his arms worked their way around her torso. He let out a content sigh as he nuzzled deeper into her gut. "You're comfy."

A blush forced its way onto Twilight's face, quickly showing from beneath her fur. She looked down at Ryan, staring at him as he continued to cuddle up against her. "Umm, okay?"

He looked up at Twilight, noticing the blush, but mostly just focusing on that adorable face of hers. He couldn't explain it but, despite her being a completely different species, he did find her attractive. If he were sober, his mind would nag him about how weird it was that he actually saw beauty in something like this. Instead, it spoke thus;

Shhhe's...really pretty

A smile began to form across Ryan's features; one that seemed to continuously grow the longer he looked at her. "You're really pretty, you know that?"

Her blush only deepened at his words. She felt a strange warmth growing deep in her chest, something she had never felt before in her entire life. It was similar to what you would feel when you and your crush locked eyes with each other, but so much more intense. "T-thank you..."

She looks soft...I wanna touch her.

Twilight could not make a single move as she watched Ryan's hand raise up and brush a small lock of her bangs to the side. He then pursued to running his fingers through her hair, following it down to the top of her back. "Ryan, what are you-?"

So smooth...Now kiss her. Kiss her right on that furry face of hers.

Ryan's hand pulled away from her hair and found a new resting spot on the back of her neck. Using his unoccupied arm, he pushed himself upward while pulling Twilight down at the same time. Once she was close enough, he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

As much as Twilight wanted to react, she simply couldn't Something inside of her was crying out for this, begging him to continue showing her more of his affection; to give her his heart. Suddenly, they both felt something. It was almost like an electric shock that ran gently through their separate bodies and connected in the middle.

That felt weird...

He pulled his face away from hers, his head slowly making its way back to her lap. After getting himself resituated he looked up at her once more, still wearing that dopey smile that she couldn't help but find extremely cute. "You should take a nap with me."

While every fiber in her body was screaming yes, she could still hear the call of reality telling her that it probably wasn't a good idea. Hesitantly, she nodded. "No, I think it would be best if you just slept alone."

"But, I don't wanna." He said weakly, wanting to fight her answer but not quite being able to muster up the strength to do so.

She gave him a loving smile and ran her fingers through his hair, petting him like one would pet an animal. An animal that they had raised and come to care about very deeply. "I need to go help Applejack at the farm, okay. Especially now that you got her all sauced up."

Twilight gently shoved Ryan off of her and got off of the bed, making her way to the door. The human let out a disappointed grumbling sound, but made no further attempts to convince her to stay. Rather he chose to get some rest to help clear his mind.

It's n-not gone be that easy...buttercup. You know what I m-men-mean...mrrr

The alicorn paused for a second, swearing that she had just heard someone talking. After finding it followed by nothing but silence, she shrugged it off and took her leave.

It was nearly eight o'clock at night when Twilight and Applejack finally managed to catch up on the chores she was supposed to get done that day. They would have been done sooner if she hadn't decided to start drinking with Ryan, obviously. It also took some time for her head to clear up enough to work at her normal pace.

Despite all of the offers given to Twilight to leave early, she simply refused. She could never leave one of her friends when they needed help. She also felt partly responsible for the morning turning out the way it did. If she hadn't overslept then Applejack may have only spoken to Ryan for a few minutes before they took off to get everything done.

With her body and magic both exhausted, she trudged her way back home. The only thing on her mind right now was getting back to the castle, taking a much needed shower, then passing out for the next week.

When she got back to the castle, she noticed something rather strange. The whole place was quiet and empty. She did a bit of investigating and came to find a note on the dinning room table.

Dear Twilight

Left to go spend the night at Rarity's to watch over Sweetie Belle and assist with new designs. Which basically means that I'll likely be be on clean up duty and have pins in my spines again. But, it's not like it hurts, so it's whatever. See you tomorrow!

Your #1 Assistant: Spike

She let out and understanding hum as she read the note left by her favorite dragon. He would always try to find any excuse to go over to Rarity's, even if it meant doing tedious tasks such as that. "Well, that explains where he is."

Still though, she couldn't help but wonder where Ryan was. She looked around the castle, but found no trace of him. He wasn't in the living room, the throne room, the kitchen, and, most surprising of all, he wasn't digging through the liquor cabinet.

"Where could he be?" She wondered. The only other place she could think of that he could be at was his room, but she highly doubted he would have slept that long. The only other option was-

Wake the fuck up, you cock!

Her thoughts came to a grinding halt at the sound of a voice screaming. It sounded distant and somewhat hollow, but at the same time, it seemed to come from her own head.

HOLY SHIT!!! Right through the neck!

Twilight jumped at the sudden raise in volume from the mysterious voice, quickly scanning the immediate area with her eyes to make sure that she was alone. "Hello? Is anypony there?"

Hit him! Hit that fucking-wait what?

"Who's there?" She asked fearfully.

Hold on, you can hear me?

"Yes...Who are you?"

Look, I'll explain all of that later. Right now, I need your help.

Twilight paused, wondering what it is that a disembodied voice could possibly want from her. "Help with what?"

I'm just as confused as you are, but that's besides the point. Your boy is in his room having a complete freak out. He's been literally locked in to this nightmare for hours and I can't wake him up! So, get in there and fix this!

"B-but-"

MOVE YOUR ASS, BITCH!!!

Twilight flinched a bit at the voice, but obeyed and took off at a full sprint down the corridors and eventually into Ryan's room. He was still laying in bed, but was far from still. His body was twisting and bending around like something was forcing him to do so. One of his hands balled up into a fist and slammed into the headboard before slowly unclenching and clawing down its frame, leaving deep scratches from his nails.

You might wanna hurry it up, sweetheart. This is starting to get really ugly-Oh fuck!

Ryan's body curled up into a tight little ball, trembling worse than Michael J Fox when he forgets to take his meds. [I realize that joke is in bad taste, but I gave you all fair warning that there would be touchy humor]

Reacting purely by instinct, Twilight jumped onto the bed and began straddling Ryan before grabbing his shoulders and giving his body a violent shake. "Ryan, wake up. Wake up!"

Once again she felt a strange shocking sensation shoot out from her body, as well as one coming from Ryan. He woke up, gasping as if he had just been saved from drowning. His body was warm and coated with sweat, his eyes darting back and forth rapidly before he finally calmed down; appearing as though nothing had happened.

Ryan's tired eyes looked up at Twilight in confusion. Just the look he was giving her read a thousand questions at once. The most reoccurring one being, "What the hell are you doing?"

Twilight was in a state of shock. One second he looked like he was ready to literally explode, the next he seemed perfectly fine. "You don't remember? You were having a night-"

Shush!

She stopped for a moment, but tried to continue. "You were-"

I said, zip it!

Ryan let out an annoyed sigh and pulled himself out of her grip before readjusting himself so that he was comfortable. "Sweetheart, whatever weird shit you are into, it can wait. I'm too tired for this right now."

"Tired? But you've been-"

Would you just shut up and let him do his thing!

In seconds he was out like a light, which left Twilight both confused and concerned. Nothing that had just happened made any sense and she couldn't seem to come up with a logical explanation for it either. "What just happened?"

I'll explain later, let's just leave well enough alone for now.

This was starting to get extremely aggravating for Twilight. First this voice pops up out of nowhere, then Ryan is having a panic attack in his sleep, she manages to wake him up, and then he acted as if he didn't know what was going on. "No! I'm not just gonna leave it alone. I want answers and I want them-ah!"

Twilight soon found herself being grabbed by one of Ryan's arms and pulled down to the bed where she was forced into a cuddling position that couldn't escape from.

Get comfortable, sweetheart, cause I'm not letting you go now.

She fought back as hard as she could, but his grip was too strong. "What are you-"

Look here; you're exhausted, he's exhausted, hell even I'm exhausted. So please, for the love of God, just let this wait for tomorrow!

As much as she didn't want to, she had to submit. Her body was too sore to fight back and her magic had already been strained from helping Applejack with the chores around the farm. She had no choice anymore. "Fine, but you better tell me everything."

I'll tell you what I know, but for now; fuck off.

Taking that as a sign that he was finally done with her, Twilight attempted to climb out of the bed, but his grip on her was as strong as ever. "Are you gonna let go of me, or what?"

No.

"Why not?"

Cause, no.

"Would you just give me a straight answer for once!"

Okay, you're soft and I'm comfortable! So you're not going anywhere. Get used to this, sweetheart. Even without my help this guy is a massive cuddler and has the grip of a fucking anaconda!

Twilight growled at this, but seeing how, for the second time today, she didn't have any other choice, she accepted her fate. Letting her body relax a bit, she quickly came to enjoy the warmth that Ryan's body was giving off. Minus his feet, which were ice cold for some reason, he was like a living heater.

The less she thought about the events that had just taken place, the more this whole cuddling thing grew on her. She knew what it was and even had a tendency to wake up clinging to one of her pillows, but had never had the pleasure of receiving this kind of treatment from anyone. The way Ryan's strong arms held her in place was soothing, in a way. It made her feel safe; that feeling of safety only growing further as he pulled her deeper into his body.

Maybe she could let go of everything that had happened tonight, but only until morning. Then she would get the answers she wanted. But, for now, she was going to enjoy this for as long as she could. And with that, she began drifting off to sleep with not a single thought running through her mind. Only the gentle waves of heat and comfort surrounded her as she began to find herself in a state of absolute peace.

Author's Note

Congratulations! We have finally gotten through 90% of the serious shit. Know what that means?
Would you stop being a fucking cock tease and just tell them!
Hey, fuck you!
Anyway, it means that we can start getting back to a more humorous nature and all of the drama and seriousness can be brought down to a minimum.
It's about fucking time!
Piss off!
I do regret to inform everyone that I will be posting at a slower rate what with work chewing at my ass and several medical things that I need to get taken care of. Sorry about that...

Anyway, I hope you all liked the little development I threw in here. Twilight will now be able to hear Ryan's inner voice. Imagine the possibilities!
If you like this story, please leave a like and share it with your friends. Feel free to leave a comment below, comments make me feel special :P
And with that being said, I will see you all in the next chapter, adios.
Faggot
Shut up!

A Deeper Understanding

Twilight awoke to a strange new sensation running through her body. It wasn't an unnatural feeling, but it wasn't something she recognized either. Her eyes managed to force themselves open in time for another wave of this almost euphoric feeling to shoot through her body. There was a slight pressure on her chest and above the lining of her waistband. Something felt like it was pressing up against her, digging into her skin.

She looked down to see an almost hairless arm coming up from under her, the hand attached to the end rubbing her lower abdomen. A slight lump could be seen in her shirt, where she could feel something warm squeezing her breast. Another wave of pleasure pulsated though her form as it squeezed harder, pinching her nipple between two of its knuckles. She took in a sharp breath, her body tensing up from the foreign appendage massaging such a sensitive spot on her body.

Her head shakily turned to the side, where she found Ryan's head buried into her neck. His face nuzzled into her fur as his hands continued to maneuver around and caress her smooth body.

"R-Ryan..." Twilight managed to say with a stutter. Her mind was hazy and it was becoming very difficult for her to think straight. She waited for some kind of answer, but didn't receive so much as a groan in response.

She tried to call out to him again, but all that managed to escape was a sharp moan as his grip began to tighten on her chest. His other hand soon started traveling deeper into her pants before coming into contact with her moistening a slit, eliciting another moan from her.

Twilight became lost in an extreme state of pleasure as Ryan's hands began to expertly work her over. His finger dug through her lips, rubbing against her extremely sensitive clit over and over. Her back started to arch as a much more powerful wave surged through her. Her body trembled as she dove head first into a new world of magic.

This was new and, on some levels, a bit weird; but she couldn't get enough of it. This feeling that was coursing through her veins was beyond anything she could have ever imagined. She wanted is to last forever. "Please, don't stop."

She let out a loud gasp as an odd mixture of pain and pleasure started rushing down from her shoulder, sending a thousand shivers down her spine. There was some kid of pressure building up inside of her, begging and crying to be released. A couple of Ryan's fingers began to wander a bit, finding a new spot to take refuge.

They dove into her sopping wet cavern, rubbing and curling against her inner walls. Twilight quickly reached out and grabbed a nearby pillow, pulling it into her face to muffle her climatic screams. As the ecstasy that had been building up punched its way out of her, she couldn't help but shiver and tremble as she called loudly called out into the giant ball of cotton.

She slowly began to come down from her euphoric state, her body still shaking in response to such a powerful release. Her thoughts slowly worked their way back to normal, pulling her back into a more proper state of mind. Once she realized what had just happened she started to feel embarrassed. Her pants, as well as the bed sheets, were soaked in her own fluids.

Despite how she felt in that circumstance, she also felt somewhat appreciative for what had happened. With all of the stress she had been going through for the past few months, this was something that she really needed. Sure, she could have done it on her own, but it was never as satisfying as she would have liked it to be.

Twilight tossed the pillow aside and pulled Ryan's hands off of her before turning over to face him. He looked so peaceful and relaxed, almost like he was asleep...

"Ryan?" Her head cocked a bit as she reached out and gave him a light shove. Again, she received no response from him; was he messing with her? Was this some kind of weird joke that human's play on each other?

Yeah, he's still out cold

One of Twilight's eyes twitched at this. "How the hay!? No pony could just do something like that in their sleep!"

Well he aint no pony, that's for damn sure. And, I never said that he was the one who did it.

"W-wait a second. You did that? How!?"

I'm practically his brain...I can do whatever I want. Just because he doesn't always listen to me, that doesn't mean that I don't have some pull around here. I'm the reason for half of the shit he does.

Ryan was stirred from his sleep from the sound of someone yelling right next to him. He opened his eyes and pulled himself up with a yawn. "What the fuck is your problem?"

Twilight waited for some kind of response from the voice, but was met with nothing but silence. She wanted to tell him that she could hear something talking to her, that his brain was literally communicating with her. Then she realized just how ridiculous that would sound. Maybe she would hold off on that for now.

"Nothing," She replied to him, "nothing at all."

"You're weird." He plainly stated, moving over so that he could sit up on the edge of the bed. "Fuck, I'm dizzy. Brain, status report."

Rough night, wouldn't recommend a repeat. Bed feels kind of wet, I doubt it came from you though.

Ryan raised a brow as he looked over at the bed, quickly noticing the semi-soaked sheets. "What the actual fuck?" His head soon turned to face Twilight. "Did you do that?"

She cringed a bit, her face turning beat red. "Well...yes, but it wasn't my fault!"

"The fuck it wasn't!" He said accusingly.

You might wanna wash your hands.

Ryan went silent and looked down at his hand. It was covered in an odd fluid. He held it up to his face; his sense of smell wasn't that strong, due to all of the trauma his nose went through as a child. This led him to do the only thing he could to identify what it was; he stuck out his tongue and ran it up one of his fingers.

It took him a second to identify the taste, but once it clicked he turned back to Twilight with a look of shock and guilt plastered onto his face. He could tell by the expression on her face that he had done it again. "I am so sorry."

Twilight couldn't respond. As if it wasn't bad enough that he had fingered her in his sleep, but his mind knew damn well what had happened and was trying to make it look like it was his fault. There really was no way to logically explain any of this, nor respond to it. That, and she just felt weird overall. Ryan saw some kind of moisture on his hand and just licked it without a second thought, which wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't come from her body.

Congratulations, you have successfully completed the act of sleep rape...or would that be sleep molestation?

Ryan's head sank into his hands, not even caring that he had Twilight's juices on him now. "God dammit, why didn't I tell you?"

Because you forgot, retard.

Twilight was on the verge of going over to Ryan and smacking him in the head, in the hopes that his brain would feel it. Rather than that, she chose ask, "Tell me what?"

"That I may or may not have a tendency to basically...do what I just did to any woman I end up sleeping next to." He explained, "I don't know how it started, but it's kind of a habit I need to work on stopping."

She was starting to feel bad for Ryan now. His mind made him do this to her and possibly all of those other girls, but she simply didn't know how to tell him without him possibly thinking that she was crazy. The only thing she could think to do was make him feel less guilty.

"It's fine." She said, earning a shocked expression from the human. A dark blush became very present on her face as she forced out the next few words, "I actually...really enjoyed it."

There was an awkward silence between the two before Ryan got up onto his feet and made his way toward a dresser where he had previously loaded up some of the clothes that were in his bag. "I'm gonna take a shower and get dressed. I suggest you do the same. I may not be able to smell anything, but I can feel the heat in the air running through my nostrils; which tells me that this room probably reeks."

Now that she was actually paying attention, the room did smell pretty funky. She could only assume, in Ryan's words, that the smell was something akin to a Chinese whore house; whatever that was. He must have been going at her for a while for the scent to get so strong.

"Yeah, I think I'll go do that." She said, exiting the room to go get herself cleaned up.

Once Twilight got to the bathroom, she stripped out of her clothing and climbed into the shower. She got the water running and with a few adjustments it was at a comfortable temperature. After getting her body completely soaked she took a moment to relax and just enjoy the feeling of the water running through her fur.

Hi!

Twilight yelped, being startled by the voice from earlier suddenly popping up.

Jeez, calm down. It's not like I can do anything. Hell, I can't even see you. Right now, I'm getting an eyeful of straight cock! He's really getting himself cleaned off...now that I think about it, I can't even remember the last time we took a shower.

"What do you want?" She asked, instinctively covering herself for the off chance that, whatever it was, it could see her.

Hey, you're the one who wanted to talk. Now let's make this quick. It's hard to make sure this guy doesn't hear me when he's conscious.

"Why don't you want him to hear us?" She asked curiously. "What is it you're trying to hide?"

Think about it for a second. If I was talking to you and he heard me, it would confuse him and probably make him pop a blood vessel. Can you just ask whatever god damn questions you have so we can get this over with!

Twilight growled at the voice. "Fine; first off, what are you?"

That's kind of hard to explain...I am Ryan's brain, but at the same time I'm not. Think of me as his voice of reason, only less annoying and a lot more fun.

"Okay; How can I hear you?"

You tell me, you're the magic expert here. As far as I know, that's the reason for all of this.

She let out a disappointed sigh. "So you're about as clueless as me, huh?"

On this particular subject, yes.

Twilight thought back to everything that happened last night; how the voice showed up, the way Ryan was freaking out, how when he woke up he seemed to not remember anything. "What was going on with Ryan last night?"

Night Terror, a pretty nasty one too.

"How come he-?"

Didn't remember? Because I didn't want him to.

"You can take away his memories?"

Take away, no. It's more like locking them up and keeping them hidden. The guy's been through a lot of shit and everything up here if pretty fucked because of it. I made it my job to make sure he doesn't remember any of it.

"Why?"

Sweetheart, if this guy remembered even a quarter of the shit that's gone on in his life, or even some of the stuff he's dreamed up, he'd be in a nut house...Hey, don't touch that!

Twilight put on a questioning expression. "Don't touch what?"

"Ow! Son of a bitch!" Ryan's voice echoed in the distanced. He sounded hurt and angry...but mostly angry.

Dumbass...look, I gotta go. This guy's being fucking stupid. We'll talk later, cool?

"Wait!" She yelled, looking to ask one more, more serious question.

Oh, for fuck-what?

"Why did you make Ryan do all of that to me while he was asleep?"

Because he was being too much of a bitch to make a move.

"...what?"

Look, the guy likes you. I don't know how he came to, but he does. That being said, you make him nervous. He might not look like he is, but he is. Besides, it's not like he wouldn't have done it had you just asked.

Twilight repeated, "...what!?"

He takes care of his girls; if you really want something, all you have to do is ask and he'll do whatever he can to get it. Now I seriously have to go, there's getting to be quite a bit of blood over here and I think he's starting to tune in. I'm out!

"Okay..." She said as everything went silent, minus the sound of running water hitting the tub floor and leaking down into the drain. Twilight, being somewhat content with the information she could get, moved on to continuing to bathe herself so she could go out not smelling like sex.

When both parties where done with their showers, they met up in the throne room looking as though they had just gotten makeovers. Twilight had on a clean pair of blue skinny jeans and a grey T-shirt, on top of that her hair was brushed and hung down over her shoulders. Ryan donned his usual blue jeans and a black dago undershirt, his hair gelled to one side with a wave in the front that hung down toward his eye.

Ryan was sitting down on one of the thrones, looking rather uncomfortable. He kept shifting in his seat, trying to find a less painful way to rest his bottom on the crystal chair.

I bet your ass hurts, doesn't it?

Twilight came over and sat down on the throne to his right, looking at him with a bit of concern on her face. "Are you okay? You look like you're having trouble."

"I'll live." He simply replied, "Just fell ass first onto a broken vase."

"Ow...Is there something I can do to help?"

His head slowly turned toward Twilight, almost glaring at her in a way that made it look like she was the weird one. "The fuck is wrong with you?"

"I'm just trying to be helpful, you don't have to be a jerk about it." She muttered the last part, but wasn't quiet enough for the human not to hear her.

"You're the one who wants to play with my ass, you freak."

"Says the alien with no fur."

"Coming from the bitch with a dick sticking out of her skull."

Twilight gave him a hard look, her horn soon lighting up with a light purple glow. Ryan's body was then consumed in a similar glow before he was lifted into the air to dangle just above her.

"Hey, put me down!" He yelled, flailing around in an attempt to break free from her magical grip.

She crossed her arms and leaned into her seat. "Not until you apologize."

"Really?" He quipped, "You're gonna pull some fuck-shit like this just for an apology?"

"Yes...yes I am." She went silent, waiting for the apology. "I'm waiting."

"Eat my ass! I'm not apologizing for shit."

Twilight lowered him down a bit, bringing his face close enough for their noses to be touching as she glared at him. The two had a brief stare down, a smile soon forming on both of their faces before both broke out in a small laughing fit.

The alicorn managed to pull herself together before the human, giving him an understanding look. This was the way he was and she couldn't change that. Honestly, she didn't really want to. "I think I'm starting to get used to your sense of humor."

"It's about time." He said with a smug look on his face. "For a while there I thought you'd never get used to it. Imagine how much that would have sucked with me living here and all. What finally broke you in?"

She shot him a mysterious look. "Let's just say that I have general idea of how your mind works."

Oh God, she's learning...

Twilight let out a short giggle as she rose from her seat and made her way out of the throne room, leaving Ryan suspended in the air above the table.

"Hey, where are you going?" Ryan asked, receiving no response in return. "Hey, put me down!"

She stopped to turn back and look at him before answering with a short and simple, "No."

"Why not?"

"Cause no." On that note she continued taking her leave, being more than satisfied with how she handles that situation. Maybe she could get used to this kind of thing. It was pretty fun being able to let out a much more mischievous side of her.

"Hey...hey, get back here!" He shouted in vain.

She's not coming back.

"God, fucking, dammit!"

Author's Note

Okay, I really just wanted to get this out. I am seriously falling behind here and I'm struggling to figure it all out! I hate to say this, but further delays might be a thing. I really need a free day off of work. If I had a full day to just do nothing, I could get at least 3 chapters typed out and have them edited the next day. Sadly, that is not the case right now. So...yeah, sorry guys.
Imma keep working at this as often as I can, but I can't make any promises on much else.
Regardless, I hope you are all still enjoying, let me know if you see any spots that I may have fucked up on. If you like this story; please share it with your friends and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

Too Much Is Not Enough

Ryan and Twilight walked through Ponyville, side by side. As fate would have it, they were both being stared at with enough intensity to melt stone...again. It's understandable, the ponies had never seen a creature like Ryan before his arrival. On top of that, the princess of friendship was tailing him with a smile on her face as he told her story after story about his life back in his world.

Occasionally they would pass by a group of mares who would smile and wave at the human, who responded with a wink, sending them all into little school-girl giggle fits. The human recognized them pretty easily, they were some of the first mares to start throwing bits at him.

Twilight found herself becoming a bit protective when something like that would happen, instinctively grabbing onto his arm and glaring daggers at them. Ryan couldn't help but find her behavior somewhat adorable. It felt kind of nice to have someone-or in this case-somepony being somewhat possessive toward him. It made him feel like someone actually gave a dam about him.

They eventually came across a very elegant mare known as Rarity; Rarity was shopping for a number of supplies for a new design she had in mind for a line of dresses she had been working on this week. An assortment of bags hovered close beside her as she walked through town, her horn glowing with her blue magical aura.

Rarity managed to spot Twilight and Ryan first, seeing how everypony kept glancing over toward the odd couple. She saw them walking together, Twilight's arms wrapped around one of his with her head leaning on his shoulder. A mischievous grin spread across her face as she made her way toward them.

The two seemed too distracted with their conversation to even notice the bright white unicorn who had snuck her way up behind them. She leaned in so her head was right behind theirs. "Hello, darlings."

Twilight jumped, being startled by her sneaking friend. Ryan's defensive instincts kicked in, causing him to spin around and swing at the mare. She managed to duck just before his fist could connect with her, but at the price of one of her bags being knocked out of her magical hold.

Rarity rose back up, her head turning toward the bag that had just been forced to go from being beside her, to the other side of the street. She recaptured it in her magic, levitating it back over to her as she turned to face the human with an unamused look about her. "Well, that was a little uncalled for."

"So was sneaking up on me you fu-" He was silenced as Twilight placed a hand over his mouth and forced him to take a step back.

"What he means to say is that he's sorry." Twilight explained, technically lying through her teeth. "He's a bit jumpy is all; so maybe we could avoid sneaking up on him in the future."

She considered her friend's suggestion. Even the fashionista knew that she just barely managed to dodge him in time, so she would rather not have a repeat; she might not get so lucky next time. "Yes, I guess you're right. But ponies can't just go around hitting each other because of a small scare."

"Where I come from, people get stabbed for not swinging first." He muttered to her, sounding a bit more threatening than he actually intended to.

Calm down, Randy Savage. We already got one bitch on our back, we don't need another one.

Rarity shot him a somewhat judgmental look. A world where the inhabitants are just looking for a fight? Sounds like a world of uneducated ruffians. "Well, maybe if your species had evolved more properly they wouldn't have to worry about that. How about you try being better than them?"

...Okay, I've changed my mind. Kill the bitch!

Twilight started internally panicking, she could agree with Ryan's mentality at first, but now it was just looking to make things escalate. There was only one thing she could do. "Drinks! How about we all go out to get a few drinks to help calm us down?"

The two stopped arguing and looked over at Twilight. It was weird for her to be the one to offer up the idea for drinks, but to Ryan it was about time she suggested it.

"Please..." Twilight begged, really hoping to avoid further altercations.

I could go for a few shots.

Ryan shrugged, the idea of getting some liquor into his system seeming to calm him down significantly. "Fuck it, I'm in."

Rarity wasn't too keen on the idea of drinking at the moment, but a glass of dandelion wine wouldn't hurt. "I guess I could go out. Just let me run these items back to my store and I'll be right with you."

Twilight visibly calmed down as she let out an audible sigh, thanking Celestia that she was able to win them over to stop another fight from breaking out between Ryan and one of her friends. "Okay, meet us at the Ponyville pub when you're done."

The unicorn smiled at her friend before shooting the human a dirty look and making off to her store to set her supplies aside. Part of her was mentally slapping herself for helping such a rude creature. She could tell that something was going on between that thing and Twilight, but honestly, she didn't know how she could tolerate its behavior.

I didn't even know this place had a pub. What the fuck are we waiting for?

"Let's get going then." Twilight said, leading the way to a very well hidden bar. Ponyville was known as being a nice, quiet neighborhood, a place where families could settle in and be comfortable. So places like this were kind of an underground thing.

Ryan was fairly surprised that he hadn't come to notice the place, usually he had a nose for this kind of thing. But, they did have it covered up pretty well. You had to walk through a rather sketchy looking alleyway to get to it. It looked old and run-down on the outside, but once they got inside he could hardly believe his eyes.

There was a long bar table, tables for groups of friends to sit and relax, dim lighting. It was almost like something you'd see in an old mafia movie. He was half expecting some brute of a stallion to come up and ask them for a password, but alas, none showed. Regardless, he still like the atmosphere of the place. More importantly, they had an array of various types of drinks behind the counter that were just calling out to him.

We have died...we have died and gone to Valhalla!

With a newfound pep in his step, Ryan rushed over to the counter. He leaped into a nearby seat, landing on it pretty easily and causing it to spin a few time. "Good evening, my good stallion." He says to the bar tender.

The stallion behind the bar turns around and freezes upon spotting the human. He had never seen such a creature, not only that, but it was speaking to him. "Can I help you?" He asked with a somewhat nervous look about him.

"Yes, you can." Ryan replies with just as much enthusiasm as earlier. "I'll take a glass of bourbon on the rocks. Oh, and a side of wings!"

Ryan received the unmistakable look disgusted from the stallion. "What do you mean wings?"

He fell silent for a moment, then it clicked. In his world, horses were herbivores. Is that how things worked here? Do they not serve meat anywhere? That would mean; no steak, no ribs, no wings, no...

No bacon and cheese burgers...

His left eye twitched a bit at this thought. Ryan went from looking like a kid in a candy store, to a kid who just watched his mother get hit by a train. "Just the bourbon will be fine..." He said in a saddened tone.

Twilight slowly approached Ryan, taking a seat by his side. She had heard his order, and the little voice in his head that mentioned something about bacon and cheeseburgers. Both of these she was familiar with due to her studies in Canterlot involving the eating habits of other creatures. However, she wasn't quite sure why this topic had come up.

She ordered a strawberry daiquiri from the bar tender, who nodded in response and retrieved both of the drinks, placing them in front of their respective people's/pony's.

Ryan quickly grabbed the glass and in the blink of an eye it was gone. "Reload, please!"

Twilight watched as the bartender refilled the drink and Ryan's mood stayed locked into place. He looked shocked and somewhat sad. She took a sip from her glass before beginning the process of picking his brain for information. "Ryan, are you okay?"

He looked over at her with the most stoic face she had ever seen, and she lived in Celestia's castle for a short while. "Twilight, I need you to be very serious with me here for a second."

Don't fuck with us!

"Okay..." She said almost nervously. She had never seen him like this, he was always so playful...when he wasn't tormenting her, at least. "Whatever it is, I'm sure I can help."

"Your species wouldn't happen to be...strictly herbivore in nature, would it?"

She blinked a few times before answering. "W-we're ponies, so...Yes, we are pretty much herbivores."

"Pretty much, or completely?" He asked with a raised tone.

"Completely." She answered, wondering why he was questioning her like this. "Why are you asking this, it's common knowledge that-" She stopped as an idea came to mind. "Wait a minute...Are you NOT a herbivore?"

"I'm...and promise me you won't freak out, seeing how this might not be very normal here." Twilight nodded uncomfortably, but it was all he needed to continue. "Humans are...kind of...omnivores."

Now Twilight's eye twitched, her mind taking in what he had just said. It wasn't like omnivores didn't exist in Equestria, but it wasn't common either. Most omnivores were creatures such as griffons or the monsters in the Everfree. It was rare to see them come here, so this wasn't something ponies were used to. "You mean-"

I love me my spuds, that's the Irishman in me, but I prefer it as a side to a big bloody steak.

Twilight was beginning to feel a bit nauseous, her head was spinning and it wasn't even from the alcohol. How did she not figure this out sooner. So far, Ryan had just eaten whatever she prepared and never really said much about his preferences. So this information came crashing down like an anchor into the water.

Hehehe, I'm just waiting for her to put together the fact that; We eat meat...she doesn't...and we've kissed this woman.

The alicorn's stomach churned in her gut, she looked like she was on the verge of throwing up. Luckily for her, Rarity walked in and took a seat beside her. Finally, something to distract her from the topic of consuming dead animals.

"Sorry I'm late, did I miss anyth-" Her words trailed off as she caught a glimpse at Twilight's expression. She looked flushed and rather unwell, like she was going to be sick. "Are you feeling alright, darling? You look pale."

Twilight's stomach answered for her, letting out a painful sounding growl as she nearly heaved. "I would really rather not talk about it." Her eyes darted over to Ryan.

Rarity's expression became somewhat judgmental as Twilight's gaze shifted over to the human. "I should have known he had something to do with it. Forget about him, let's have some fun, shall we?"

One Hour Later

Twilight and Rarity started cracking up at the story Ryan was telling. The story itself was pretty funny, but they were mostly laughing at how often he would fumble over his words and swear at himself for doing so. It didn't surprise any of them that it was happening, he had easily cleared half of the bartender's bottle of bourbon and seemed to be loosening up a lot.

Ryan turned back to the bartender, his head unable to be held still for even a second. "Another one, ifff you'd please."

The stallion nodded to the human. "Sorry, buddy. I think you've had enough."

That f-fuckle!

"Hey, I've had enough when I damn well...when I said I has enough!" He yelled, making several ponies in the bar turn their attention on them.

"Listen, I said you've had enough!"

Ryan grabbed the stallion's ears and pulled him into a hard head-butt, knocking him out in an instant. The intoxicated human then pulled himself up from his seat and onto the counter where he stood up straight and tall for everypony to see. "I am Spartacus!"

A majority of the ponies were all too drunk to notice the lack of morality going on and merely cheered at him for defying the natural rules of society!

Twilight and Rarity, though tipsy, still had their wits about them and knew that what he had done was wrong. The alicorn tugged on Ryan's leg, prompting him to look down. "Come on, I think it's about time we got you home."

"Fuck t-that noise! Let's get this purty sturted!" He reach over and grabbed a nearby bottle, throwing it the jukebox at the other end of the bar. The glass shattered as it struck the machine, but somehow managed to turn it on and even play a song that the human started dancing to while the surrounding ponies began cheering him on.

Rarity grabbed Twilight's arm and began tugging her towards the exit. "Come on, let's go get some fresh air."

She reluctantly followed her friend, being slightly uncomfortable with leaving Ryan without some sort of supervision. But, the unicorn didn't seem to be taking no for an answer and started to pull harder.

They made their way for the exit as ponies soon crowded the bar to enjoy the show being put on. Ryan looked like he was having a lot of fun, he even grabbed a small hose and started using it as a microphone.

"~Macho, macho man!

I've got to be

a macho man!"

A white Pegasus busted through one of the walls, his body was swollen with muscle. With one flex his shirt exploded into rags on the floor. "YEAH!!!"

The sounds of his singing were drowned out the further they went and once they were outside, not a sound could be heard through the thick metal door.

Rarity ran a hand through her mane to make sure everything was still in its place. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a cigarette, placing it in her lips as she put her attention onto Twilight. "I'm sorry, darling. But, that was just becoming far too chaotic. I just thought we could both use a few minutes of normalcy."

Twilight sighed, already feeling worried about what Ryan could be doing in there. She didn't know why she worried so much for him, she just did. It was like this weird nagging feeling that something could happen at any time that could ruin everything. She turned her attention onto Rarity and watched as she lit the cancer stick in her mouth. "I thought you quit."

The unicorn inhaled and pulled the cigarette from her lips, waiting a moment before exhaling. "I did, but you know what they say about old habits." She flicked the ashes from the tip and took another puff.

Twilight smiled at her friend before walking over to her and taking the cigarette from her hand, putting it out in an ashtray that sat beside the door. "Now what kind of friend would I be if I let you get away with something like that."

Rarity found herself smiling at Twilight. She loved how much she seemed to care for her friends, but didn't expect her to just grab and discard it. Usually she would just tell her to put it out. For some reason though, Twilight seemed to be much more forward; in a good way. "What is with you lately? You've been much more, what's the word? I want to say outgoing, but you haven't done anything too drastic yet."

She shrugged, "I'm not sure what you mean."

"Oh, don't give me that." Rarity came back, still holding that smirk of hers. "Ever since Ryan came along you've changed. Just look at you; You're tying your mane back, your wardrobe has been completely altered, and you've been doing a lot less sugarcoating than usual. You simply move on to putting words into action."

"W-well...I-I-I" Twilight stuttered, unable to find the right words to explain herself.

Rarity held up a hand and shushed her, making the alicorn fall silent. "Calm down, darling. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just different is all. But, it's a good different. You seem so much happier and you look stunning, if I do say so myself."

Twilight smiled. "Thanks, Rarity." She couldn't help but chuckle a bit as she remembered the first time Ryan had met one of her friends. "If only Rainbow Dash could be as accepting as you and Applejack have been."

The unicorn's features seemed to falter a bit. "Well, while I'm not a fan of his attitude a mannerisms; I'm sure whatever it was, it's Rainbow's fault."

Twilight's ears fell back in shock. "Rarity..."

She nodded her head and leaned back against a wall. "I'm sorry, Twilight. I love you girls to death, Rainbow included, but she's just such a hothead. I would never wish any harm upon her, she is still my friend, but she needs to tone it down a bit. She gets so wrapped up in her own opinions that she blindly follows them no matter the consequences."

Rarity was right, Rainbow was like that and sometimes her own ignorance would get her into trouble. She couldn't really help that though, it's simply who she is. "I guess that's the price you pay for undying loyalty."

She let out a sigh, "I guess. If you ask me though, she needs a good rutting."

"Rarity, wow!" Twilight exclaimed. She knew that Rarity had some strong opinions, but this wasn't something she typically went on with unless she was absolutely sure, which just made her feel weird.

"What? Even you can't argue that." She said in a defensive tone.

"And on that note, I'm going back inside." Twilight said, making her way over to the door. She wondered how Ryan was doing, hopefully he didn't get himself into a predicament he wouldn't be able to claw his way out of.

"Wait for me!" Rarity called out, following close behind Twilight as she entered the bar.

Both mares paused in place, a powerful blush spreading across both of their faces as they spotted Ryan singing and dancing on the counter with nothing more than his pants on. Even those looked like they were ready to fall off at any given moment, what with how his belt was undone and swaying with every move he made.

"~She's a very kinky girl.

The kind you don't take home to mother.

She will never let your spirits down,

Once you get her off the street."

A close by mare reached up and smacked Ryan on the ass. This made him smile down at her. "Oh, girl." He says in his little sing song voice as he drops down to his knees and leans back, letting everypony in the room reach up and touch his flexing stomach.

"~She likes the boys in the band.

She says that I'm her all-time favorite.

When I make my move to her room it's the right time .

She's never hard to please."

He gets back onto his feet, occasionally pointing to the crowd.

"~That girl is pretty wild now."

"The girl's a super freak!" The crowd sang.

"The kind of girl you read about,"

"In new-wave magazines!"

"That girl is pretty kinky."

"The girl's a super freak."

"I really love to taste her."

"Every time we meet."

"She's all right, she's all right!

That girl's all right with me, yeah.

She's a super freak, super freak!

She's super-freaky, yow!

Everybody now!

Super freak, super freak!"

"~She's a very special girl.

From her head down to her toenails."

"Down to her feet, yeah."

"And she'll wait for me at backstage with her girlfriends,

In a limousine."

"~Going back in Chinatown.

Three's not a crowd to her, she says,

"Room 714, I'll be waiting"

When I get there she's got incense, wine and candles.

It's such a freaky scene."

"Everybody sing!

"Ohhhhh"

"~Super freak, super freak!

That girl's a super freak!"

"Ohhhhh"

The songs cuts off, causing everypony to look back over at the jukebox. A stallion that they all recognized as the bartender stood beside it with a large red knot on his forehead.

Ryan quickly reaches down and grabs his shirt, throwing it over his shoulder before jumping into the crowd only to be caught and held up above their heads. "Scatter!"

The crowd takes off for the door, holding the human up to keep him from getting caught. This was the best entertainment they had in a while, the last thing they wanted was for their favorite alien to be hauled of to jail.

The bartender started to give chase after the alien, only to be charged by a very bulky looking Pegasus with no shirt and some rather small looking wings.

"NO!!!" He yells as he pulls an arm back and punches the bartender square in the jaw.

Rarity and Twilight darted out of the door to avoid being trampled by the crowd of ponies desperately trying to get Ryan out of there. They take refuge behind a stack of boxes and the herd makes their way out of the ally with Ryan sitting on top of them.

"To Narnia!" The human shouted as he pointed to Twilight's castle.

Author's Note

Okay, I wanted to save this chapter for later, but personally I loved it and wanted everyone else to see it. What can I say, I'm proud of my work. I hope this is as funny to all of you as it was to me. It's a bit random, but not hectic. It has it's moments of seriousness, but hopefully the bizarre comedy makes up for that.

Anyway, if you enjoyed this chapter, please slap that like button like a bitch. Share this story with your friends and feel free to leave a comment below, comments make me feel special :P

Songs; The Village People- Macho Man
Rick James- Super Freak

Love + Hate = X2

"Why do you have so many friends?" Ryan asked in an unpleased tone. He had met three already and, as far as he could tell, Applejack was the only one that liked him. "Your life is almost the living definition of a Facebook friends list. Go on there to find one person and suddenly you're bombarded by a bunch of weird fucks."

"Quit your whining," Twilight retorted, he had been complaining the whole trip and it was starting to get on her nerves. "it's not like you didn't have a lot of friends back in your world. For peat sake, you have fourteen ex-girlfriends."

"Twenty-eight, and that's besides the point, they weren't friends." He explained, really wishing he could just go back to bed. Two hours of sleep just isn't enough. "And I didn't have a lot of friends in my world. I had a shit load of acquaintances, but few people I could honestly call a friend."

"Can you please, just stop talking for ten minutes?" She rudely requested.

"Sheesh, what crawled up your ass and died?" He asked in response.

"Oh, I don't know." Twilight began as Ryan prepared himself for the oncoming rant. "Take your pick real quick; Could it be the fact that a crowd of ponies broke down my castle door? No, that can't be it." She added the last part sarcastically.

"Maybe it was the huge party that went on all night or that they completely trashed my home. No, that couldn't be it either." Again, she said sarcastically, "Oh, I've got it! Maybe it's all of those put together, added with the fact that I couldn't get any sleep because of all the noise they were making!"

"Would you lighten the hell up, I didn't get any sleep either." He explained in return. "I'm suffering too, you know."

"Whatever; we're here." Twilight knocked on Fluttershy's cottage door, waiting patiently outside for her to answer. She always found Fluttershy's home to be a very pleasant place. All of the animals would play peacefully with each other and greet most ponies with a smile. That was not the case now, however.

Several of the small critters were gathered up in groups both around and above the small house, staring down at the human standing not even a foot away from Twilight.

"This is starting to get uncomfortable." Ryan commented, unable to take his eyes off of the little fur balls out of fear that he might get swarmed.

First bitch to make a move is getting eaten!

"Would you stop that!" Twilight yelled to the voice, causing Ryan to do a double take on her.

"Excuse you?"

She blushed as she realized her mistake. "I-I uh..."

Nice job, fuckwit. You blew your cover.

"I'm sorry," She said in a slight panic, "but you can't just say things like that and not expect me to react!"

Well excuse me for thinking that you had some self-control. I'm sorry I had faith in you!

"Hold the fuck on...Pause!" Ryan shouted, silencing both Twilight and the voice. "You can hear him; Since when?"

Twilight didn't see any point in lying about it now, she was in too deep. He had already figured it out because of her stupid mistake. "Since a few days ago, right after you met Applejack."

Can I interject?

"Shut up!" The angry couple shouted in unison.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Ryan asked, still sounding pretty pissed off. This was technically a small thing, but it was something very personal to him. He couldn't help but feel angry about her being able to communicate with his mind. As far as he knew, this was some kind of magic thing that she did to be nosy.

Twilight huffed at him. "Yeah, like you would have believed me. 'Oh, Ryan! I forgot to mention this, but your brain started screaming at me to wake you up that night you were having a panic attack in your sleep.' You would have really believed that, wouldn't you?"

"No, but it's the principle!"

Seriously, can I-?

"Zip it!"

You know what; Fuck both of you.

A high pitched ringing noise soon filled both of their ear drums, causing them to clench the sides of their heads in a failed attempt to silence it. The sound could only be compared to one of those apps on your phone where you can play a number of frequencies that only people of a certain age group can hear.

The ringing came to a stop as the door to the cottage opened up, revealing a yellow Pegasus with a bright pink mane. She was dressed in blue jeans and a green turtleneck sweater.

"I'm sorry, I was just about to take a bath when I heard you knock. I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long." Fluttershy said in a hushed tone, quickly taking notice of the pained expression on the couple's faces. "Are you two okay?"

"We're fine." Twilight said as she regained her composure. "Just a bit of..."

"Bullshittery; there's no other way to describe it." Ryan added on, finishing her sentence in what he saw as a more accurate description.

She turned her head and shot him a sour look. "Could you please not use language like that in front of my friends?"

"Excuse me, princess." He began in a mocking tone, knowing that calling her by her title was an easy way to get on her bad side. "But, when a 'Fuck you' is in order, I'm always there to deliver."

You're welcome!

Fluttershy was unsure of how to react to this. What she had heard from Applejack was that everything between them was going fine. So this came as a bit of a shock to her. Was this normal for them? If it was then it probably isn't a good sign.

"Would you like to come in?" She offered, hoping that inviting them in would help ease the ever building tension. "I can make some tea if you'd like."

"Yes, Fluttershy." Twilight said, putting on a smile for her friend. "That sounds lovely."

Dude, we need some God damn caffeine.

"Do you have any coffee, perchance?" Ryan asked in a much calmer tone.

"She said she was making tea!" Twilight snapped, "Stop being so picky!"

"Well, fuck me for asking!" Ryan snapped back; their arguing making Fluttershy cower behind her door some.

After the group took a minute to breath and recuperate they all moved into the pegasus' living room and took a seat on the couch, minus the owner of the house who left the room to get the tea ready. This left Ryan and Twilight sitting alone with a rather large gap between them on the couch.

This is nice.

"In what way has any of this been nice?" Ryan asked in frustration.

Well I don't know about you, but I am enjoying this time we've have together as a family.

"Fuck off."

Eat a dick!

"Wow," Twilight said, quickly earning the humans attention. "it's good to know that you treat yourself just as crappy as you treat others. It's one of the few redeeming qualities that you do have."

"I hope you choke on one of your novels, bookhorse."

Fluttershy came back into the room carrying a small platter with three cups on it. She took her spot in between the couple and handed out the drinks. "Here we go; Tea for me and Twilight, and a hot cup of coffee for you, Ryan."

Oh, hell yeah!

"Thank you, sweetheart." Ryan said as he grabbed the cup and held it to his lips, taking a large drink of the warm liquid. "At least someone here is being civil."

Twilight grabbed her cup in an aggressive fashion as she stared down the human. "Like you have any room to talk."

"Bitch, did I say it was me."

Pretty sure he said it was Futtershy.

She growled at him before leaning back in her seat and taking a sip of her tea. "This is very good, Fluttershy; Thank you. I'm sorry we couldn't come visit on a day where Ryan wasn't being so moody."

"I'm gonna stick my foot so far-"

Easy, killer. You're letting her win.

Fluttershy put on a nervous smile. This situation was becoming more and more uncomfortable by the second. The least she could do was just be nice to both of them. "It's fine, really. I'm just enjoying the company."

"I can understand that." Ryan began, knowing full well that sometimes everyone just needed someone around. "A little change in scenery is nice. Good for the soul."

I just realized something...

"What's that supposed to mean?" Twilight asked, taking his words in a completely different direction. In her mind he was saying that he wanted to leave. Does that mean that he wants to leave her?

Holy shit!

"It means that a little change is nice every now and ag-"

Dude, this girl has a fucking rack!

Ryan was silenced at his mind's words, his head instinctively turning towards the Pegasus while his eyes became locked onto her chest. He was right, they were massive! How did he not notice this earlier?

Twilight's anger was nearing explosive proportions. "Can you NOT stare at my friend's boobs!"

Boobs is an insult to the very realm of these things. Those are fucking T-I-T-T-I-E-S!!!

"Knock it off!" Twilight continued to yell at him.

"Oh, give me a break!" He shouted in response. "Would you climb off of that fucking high horse; I've caught you staring at my package more times than I can count!"

If you can't count past fourteen then that just looks bad on you.

At this point, Fluttershy was at a loss for words. This was not how she expected this day to go. The most she could do for herself was curl up into a ball and hide between her legs with her hands over her head.

With Twilight's mind practically in a blender, she was simply running out of things to say. The only thing she would be able to resort to would be insults on his appearance. This wasn't something she normally did, but at this very moment it was fair game. "In your dreams, your furless freak!"

Ryan knew this game well, and knew he could beat her at it if he so chose, but then it would end faster. Where's the fun in that? "You wish I dreamed about you, egghead!"

"At least I'm smart enough to know how to handle myself in a situation, you just jump to the first thing that comes to mind, which usually ends in you looking like an idiot!"

"Yes, the woman who was too stupid to find a boyfriend so cheats and uses a spell is calling me the idiot. At least I can go out and find a girlfriend on my own!"

"Coming from Mister Twenty-eight ex's himself! Have you ever been in a successful relationship?"

"At least I can get into one. I have a fucking fan base of girls who would literally fight, tooth and nail, for me! What have you got?"

"Enough sense to stay away from psychopaths like you!"

Trigger Word. Trigger Word! That the fucking TRIGGER WORD!!!

Ryan kicked the table in front of them, sending it spiraling across the room as he rose from his seat and leaned over Twilight, getting right into her face. "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO!!??"

Twilight became frozen with fear. When it came to words, her and Ryan could probably go at it all day. This was different though, she was no fighter, and it looked like that's what he was aiming for.

"ENOUGH!!!" Came a somewhat high pitched voice from right beside the fighting couple.

Fluttershy was standing beside them with a look that could make stallions weep in her presence. "You two have done nothing but fight all day. Is that how a couple is supposed to act?"

One of them was about to speak up, but was cut off as the Pegasus continued to unload on them. "No, it's not! A couple is supposed to love and cherish each other, they're also supposed to talk out their problems to avoid situations like this. But, you two just keep fighting and adding more fuel to the fire. Well not anymore!"

She leaned up closer to both of them, grabbing each one by the collar of their shirt. "Now you two are gonna go home and work this out like a two normal and civilized ponies, is that clear?" Her response came in silence, "Is that clear!?"

"Yes, Fluttershy!" Twilight shouted, her horn starting to glow as she readied her teleportation spell.

"Crystal!" Ryan shouted just before they vanished with a flash of light, leaving nothing but a messy room in their wake.

Fluttershy took a breath and turned her head over to the carnage that had followed Ryan and Twilight.

"Oh my, what a mess." She said before several types of animals practically cascaded into the house, many going over to clean up and move the table back to its rightful place. Fluttershy let out a light giggle. "Thank you, friends. You're always so helpful."

With a bright flash Ryan and Twilight found themselves falling onto the castle floor with light thuds to accompany their impact. The mare landed uncomfortably on her back, while the human landed painfully on his head.

Not gonna lie, I felt that one...owie

Ryan pulled himself back together and pushed himself up into a sitting position to find Twilight doing the same with a pained expression on her face. "So is it just me, or did that one go from cute to terrifying in less than a fraction of a second?"

Twilight rubbed her wings, those having took most of the impact from the fall. "So now she's cute, huh?"

"Oh my God, you are such a woman..."

"Pardon me for having feelings and being upset from you ogling my friend!" She yelled, still tending to her wing.

"Let it go, horsefly!"

Her eyes widened at his remark. "Do you have any idea how racist that is!?"

"Correction, smartass." He snapped, "I'm not a God damn mutated horse. That, in turn, makes it specist."

Twilight got up on to her knees and moved closer to Ryan. "Look who's calling whom mutated, you hairless ape!"

Ryan repeated what she had done, positioning himself just in front of her. "Why don't you just fuck off, devil bitch!"

"Gross abomination!"

"Ugly cunt!"

There was a brief stare down before they both launched at each other, knocking themselves back down onto the ground in the most aggressive make out session known to pony/mankind. The air around them was hot, whether that was from the intensity of the argument or the mere fact that their arousals were working against them is currently unknown.

Twilight pinned him down, still locked in their oral assault on each other as her horn lit up, working its magic on Ryan's clothing. His shirt was yanked from his body and fumbling around with his belt.

To save her some time he grabbed the thick leather strap and gave it a hard tug, snapping the metal that held it in place and letting it fall off to his sides. His hands soon found themselves upon collar, pulling at it with a loud rip as he tore it down the middle. The now useless piece of cloth was then tossed to the side, completely forgotten by them.

Twilight's body was yearning for more, her lower half grinding against his crotch to show just how much it wanted him. His body responded in kind as a very stiff appendage started working itself through the crevices of his pants.

Ryan couldn't hold it back anymore. Before he left his world it had been nearly half a year since he had even touched a woman, so he wasn't going to settle with four play bullshit. And, judging from the moisture building up on his jeans, neither was she. Out of his love for boobs, he reached up and tore her bra off, revealing those perky C-cup orbs she had kept hidden from him.

With that part of him being satisfied, he grabbed onto Twilight's shoulders and flipped her over on to her back. He was now in control and ready to take full advantage of that. He broke the kiss to look down at her face; she always looked so cute when she blushed, especially like this. Nearly her entire face was deep red, her eyes full of lust and begging him to continue.

He was more than happy to oblige, removing one of his hands from her to pull his pants down so they were below his waist; Then moving on to do the same with her, but making sure to remove them completely.

No foreplay! No teasing! Just get to it already!

In an instant Ryan buried his cock into Twilight's aching cunt. He could swear that he was feeling her pulse with how her tight caverns vibrated around him. He lowered himself back down, continuing their make out session from earlier as he started humping in and out of her with enough force to shatter glass.

Don't ask how we know that, please!

The voice was completely drowned out by the mixed sounds of Ryan's grunts and Twilight's moans. Him breaking the kiss again as he picked up more momentum, making her squeal and scream his name.

Much to Twilight's surprise, Ryan suddenly stopped and pulled out of her. She looked up at him with pleading eyes, eyes that quickly moved to confusion when her body was flipped so her face was to the ground. The lower half of her body was raised by one of Ryan's strong arms and she soon felt the euphoric feeling of Ryan's dick plunging back into her.

"Sorry about that, Sweetheart." He whispered into her ear, "I just really love this position. There's just so much more you can do."

Ryan wrapped an arm around her neck, putting her in some sort of chokehold as he pulled her up so she was sitting on her knees. His grip on her tightened as he started thrusting again. It was enough to make it hard to breath, but not to straight up strangle her.

This was new, scary even, but something about it was exciting to her. The pleasurable intensity of it went beyond how she had felt when he fingered her in his sleep. She wanted to say something, but it only managed to come out as a whisper. "Harder..."

~She wants the kinky stuff!

She likes it hard and rough,

Another kind of love.

My little freak bitch!

She's really in to pain,

I'm really glad she came

into my world and I need

My little freak bitch!

He smiled at her. Part of him knew that there was a freak in there somewhere. He just needed to awaken her.

"As you wish." He says to her, lowering his head down to her neck and giving it a long lick up to her ear. He pulls back some and chomps down on her neck, his teeth digging through her fur and just barely breaking skin. His thrusts became much more powerful, focusing less on speed and more on the impact.

Twilight screamed, the mixture of pleasure and pain was becoming too much for her to handle. She could already feel the final stages approaching. "Yes...Yes! Make me cum, Ryan! Please, make me cum!"

Ryan and Twilight's climatic screams echoed throughout the halls of the castle and into all of the rooms. Which isn't relevant because the focus is on the main room where the human was finishing off his alicorn girlfriend while a small purple dragon remained quiet and hidden beneath a nearby table.

Their sudden arrival had startled him so, naturally, he took refuge. Their arguing was enough to scare him into staying in place, then this happened. Now there he sits, his face buried deep into his palms. The only visible part of him being a pair of nightmarishly bloodshot eyes.

Author's Note

I can't remember if I used the horsefly thing already or not...regardless, he did it and then they fucked. True signs of a perfectly healthy relationship in the works. Wouldn't you agree?

So, with that being out; If you enjoyed this chapter feel free to slap that like button like a button like a bitch, share it with your friends, and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

Songs: Boondox- Freak Bitch

A Moment Of Peace

Twilight let out a small yawn as she finished writing up the last letter. Since Ryan had come around she started making it a habit to report to Celestia her everyday activities with him. As uncomfortable as it made her, this also included telling her about the night she and him had intercourse...multiple times...in various ways.

Checking the clock she noticed that it was nearing eight at night. This was still pretty early to decide on going off to bed, she had plenty time to kill. A shower would be refreshing, she thought; but a bath sounds relaxing. With that in mind she rose from her desk and went over to her closet, grabbing a clean towel from the top and making her way over to the bathroom on the other side of her room.

She paused when she saw that the door was closed; how she didn't notice that earlier was a mystery. She was usually pretty vigilant when it came to where things were in her room, everything has its place and everything's in its place.

What was probably more striking was, no only was the door closed, but she could just barely see light coming from the underside of the door. Her brow raised a bit at this and she grabbed the handle, slowly turning it and pushing it away from her. A wave of steam immediately flowed out of the humid room and into her face. If she didn't know any better, she'd have thought a bunch of colts snuck in and hot boxed her bathroom.

Alas, there were no drug smoking ponies to be seen. Instead what she found was the whole room lit up with scented candles and naked bipedal creature in her tub. Its body was completely submerged in her tub, its form curled up in a fetal position.

Panic started to over take the alicorn and she charged over to the tub, dropping her towel on the floor and nearly knocking over several candles. She got down on to her knees and was ready to shove her arms in to grab him, but stopped when a powerful stream of bubbles started rising and he eventually pulled himself up.

Ryan took in a deep breath of the thick air around him. He couldn't really explain the logic of why he enjoyed the feeling of being under water, but it was enjoyable in a way. So, during his baths, he would let himself sink and hold his breath for as long as he could just so he could bask in it.

With his body coated in the hot water, and steaming coming off from his skin, he raised a hand and whipped the water from his eyes before shoving his hair over to one side.

He looked over and spotted a worried looking Twilight staring directly at him. He looked down and quickly covered his chest with his hands as if he were a naked woman trying to cover her breasts. "What the fuck? Do you just barge in on anyone trying to take a bath?" He asked with a hint of venom. "Pervert!"

Twilight tried to speak, but stuttered. "I-I-I...I just thought t-that-"

"What? That I was drowning in a bath tub?" He quipped, making the mare feel kind of stupid.

"Well, when you put it that way..."

"Yeah, it does." Ryan uncovered his chest and spread his arms out, placing them on the edges of the tub and leaning back some. "So what's up? You enjoying the show?"

A slight blush appeared on Twilight's face as she realized that she was looking at Ryan's naked body. She turned her head away from him and put a hand over her eyes. Then a thought occurred, "Okay, first off; How did you get in here without me noticing?"

He shrugged at her question, despite her not looking, a smirk going across his face as he did so. "I have my ways."

She let out an annoyed sigh. "Okay then. Secondly; What are you doing in my bath tub?"

His eyes rolled at this question; this one was just way too obvious. Sometimes he wondered if ponies asked things just for the sheer enjoyment of hearing themselves speak. "I'm rubbing one out, what does it look like?"

A light growl managed to escape her lips as she removed her hand and stood up with her back facing him. "Fine, I'll just go and use one of the other ones." She said as she made her way to the door.

Ryan didn't catch on to what she was saying at first. His eyes became glued to her flank the second she stood up. It wasn't big by any means, but it was prominent and cute in its own way. Once he noticed that she was taking off, he came up with a bit of a suggestion. "You know, you could just join me."

Twilight froze, her blush quickly returning at his proposal. She placed a hand on the back of her neck and started rubbing it while still refusing to look in his direction. "I don't know. Isn't that kind of-"

Weird?

"Not really." He replied, "Not compared to us having sex in the middle of your castle."

Or tying you up to a bed and blind folding you.

"Or having my face buried in your-"

"Okay, I get it!" She yelled slightly, getting his point. With everything that they had done before then bathing together was nowhere near being a step forward. In fact, it was quite a step back, that's probably something they should have done before they had sex. "I just...feel awkward about it. I mean- how would you have done it?"

"I didn't think about it." He simply replied.

Her head shot over to him, completely skipping over the fact that she was looking at a naked human now. "Wait, what?" She asked, finding it hard to believe that one could do something without thinking.

Ryan raised his shoulders, emphasizing his words with his hands. "When I was invited to take a shower with one of my ex's, I felt weird about it too. That's why I stopped thinking and followed the teachings of Mr. Shia LaBeouf, 'Just Do It.' And the next thing I knew, I had stepped into the coldest shower I have ever known." He shuddered at the memory.

Twilight took a moment to think about it, and by think about it she was making sure this was something she actually wanted to do. Part of her really did, this was the perfect opportunity to try and get closer to him personally. It worked in many of the books that she had read, so why wouldn't it now. Bathing with your partner is considered an intimate, but also innocent-sometimes- experience that could bring the two closer.

All that was left now was to fight through her doubts. She took a breath and closed her eyes, deciding that it might be easier to follow his advice and just not think about it. With her eyes still sealed shut and her mind forced clear of any thoughts, she started stripping out of her clothing until she was standing naked by the doorway.

Her lids rose as she locked eyes with the human who was smiling over at her, holding out a hand to lead her the rest of the way. She smiled back at him and took those first courageous steps forward, soon being close enough to lock her fingers with his as he gently pulled her closer.

She stopped just outside of the tub, slowly raising a foot and placing it in the water, only to jerk it back out and jump back a few feet. "Holy Celestia, that's hot!"

"Yeah, duh." He said, motioning a hand around the room. "How else do you think this place got all foggy?"

Twilight looked down and analyzed her foot, she could see the skin beneath it already darkening from how intense the heat was. "How can you sit in that like its nothing!?"

"I've been doing this for years." He said, raising his body out of the water a bit to show some of his lower half, revealing a prominent red line across him where the water rested on his body. "I'm prepping myself for when I die. Lord knows I'm not going to heaven."

Either humans were much more tolerable to heat or this guy was part dragon. Regardless, he held his hand out to her again, "Come on, I promise you'll get used to it." He says, hoping his words would give her some comfort.

"I don't think I want to."

You can come in willingly or we'll come out and throw you. Your choice, sweetheart.

Ryan's brows rose at her, showing that what his mind spoke was purely the truth. She took another breath to relax herself and reacquainted her hand with his. This time she placed her foot into the bath at a much slower pace, wincing a bit from the pain it caused.

With a bit of waiting, she managed to adapt to it a bit more and lowered herself down with Ryan guiding her down toward him. She let out a relieved sigh as she finally got to the end of this red hot journey into the tub, resting her flank on his lap.

She felt some movement in the water, then a sudden burning sensation on her back, making her body jerk slightly. "Calm down." Ryan whispered into her ear, "Just give it some time and you won't even notice it anymore."

He held a cloth in his hands, soaked with the hot bath water and started gently scrubbing her back with it. After about a minute of rubbing her with it, she visibly started to loosen up. Her tense and nearly defensive form now appearing much more relaxed.

To be honest, Twilight was enjoying this kind of treatment. Yes, it was a bit of a trial at first. Now though, the heat hardly even bothered her. Instead she was focused on the gentle caresses on her back, the warmth of the water mixed in making her body melt from his touch.

Twilight hummed in approval as Ryan washed her from behind, her eyes closing and her wings stretching out a bit to allow him more access to her back. "That feels really good." She said in a calmed and soothed tone.

Ryan smiled and stopped scrubbing her back, watching as her wings started to close back up. It must be cool to have wings, he thought, being able to have that kind of freedom. To go into the air without a care in the world and just fly.

Snapping out of his little daydream, he grabbed Twilight's shoulder and gave her a small tug, pulling her so that her back was pressed against his torso. With her body leaned against his, and her head resting against his neck, he dipped the cloth back into the water, only to lift it and start rubbing her chest and stomach.

She let out a pleased moan as he started working on her front. The light pressure he was applying was sending her into a whole new world of relaxation and even slight stimulation when he would go over her breasts, occasionally stopping to give them a soft squeeze and dragging the cloth over her nipples.

He placed a kiss on her cheek as he continued to wash her, enjoying just her mere presence and being able to treat her this way. It was the simple things that he really enjoyed about relationships. It wasn't about fancy dinners or flashy jewelry, it's about being able to spend some quality time with a person you care about and having the ability to make them happy by just staying close to them or performing the most simple of gestures.

With her midsection being completely tended to it was time to move on. He took one of her wrists in his hand and pulled it toward him, using the cloth to rub up and down her arm before moving on to the next one. He then moved on to her legs, washing from her knee up to her waist, being sure to pay special attention to her flank and waist line.

Every time he would rub around her waist her body would shudder slightly, a sure sign that she was enjoying the treatment he was giving her. He was glad she was enjoying it, because he was having a lot of fun just being able to do it. Something about pleasing her, sexual or not, filled him with a sense of satisfaction.

Once Ryan had scrubbed down basically her entire body, he reached over and gave the hose attached to the shower head a tug. The head was yanked free from the clamp that held it up and fell into his open hand. He turned on the water to a tolerable temperature, for him at least, and eased Twilight forward a bit before started spraying down her mane.

His fingers traced down her hair as it became soaked from the running water, causing it to hang down lower from the added weight as it started retaining moisture. He ran his fingers all around her head and scalp. A bit of curiosity kicked in and his hand moved up behind one of her large ears, giving it a light scratch to see how she would react.

Ryan didn't think she could appear any more loose than she already did, boy was he wrong. The second his fingers started digging into the fur behind her ear she let out a soft groan and was starting to look like she was about to collapse. He couldn't help but laugh a bit, which she didn't seem to notice.

With her mane now wetted down he set the shower head off to the side and grabbed a shampoo bottle, squeezing a moderate amount into his hands and began lathering it in his hands before applying it to her hair and rubbing it in. The texture was much like a human woman's, soft and smooth; nearly knotless. Seriously, he met almost zero resistance even when he really got his hands in there and followed her hair down to the end just passed her shoulders.

Now that her mane had been thoroughly rubbed down with soap, he grabbed the shower head again and started washing it all out. The suds quickly vanished due from the blasting water, revealing the beautiful purple locks beneath and that one lighter stripe. He didn't know how ponies cold have hair this colorful without the use of hair coloring, but then again they are born with fur that could be any color of the rainbow. So it wasn't too surprising, but it was still interesting to him.

Twilight pulled away from Ryan for a moment, only to turn herself around so she was facing him and retaking her position on his lap. She looked down at him with a smile, one that quickly vanished when he held up the shower head and sprayed her in the face.

She whipped the water from her eyes and grabbed the shower head, spraying him in return. "Knock it off, you jerk. You're ruining the moment." She said with a laugh.

Ryan yelped as he was sprayed, reaching up and grabbing the shower head to point it away from him. "Fuck off, you're the one spraying people." He said with a tone equal to hers.

"No, you fuck off, you started it!" She said playfully, her expression soon changing from playful to surprised. Did she really just say that? She wondered, feeling kind of embarrassed for using such vulgar language.

Ryan stared at her in shock. Not once had she uttered a word even close to a swear. Hell, hearing her say something like 'horse feathers' was even a rarity. "...You bitch!"

"I'm sorry!" She yelled, feeling somewhat bad, but also a bit insulted from his response.

"You can't talk to me like that." He explained, "Only I can talk to people like that."

"And what gives you the right?" She asks, moving her head closer to his.

He does the same in turn, further closing the gap between them. "Not being a pony, that's what."

They had a small stare down, glaring at each other as intently as they could. It was rather short lived as they both started grinning and eventually busted out laughing. When they stopped they locked eyes again, this time without any kind of cruelty behind them. They leaned in once again, sharing a tender kiss.

Ryan felt an odd tingling sensation on his wrists, forcing them back and against the wall behind him. He broke the kiss to look up at her, her horn was glowing and she had a mischievous grin spread across her face. Looking over at his arms he started to put the pieces together of what she was planning, the plan only becoming more clear as she held up the shower head and started spraying him down.

"Ahhh!" He yelled as Twilight laughed at him. He was doing his best to break free of her magical hold to block the watery assault on his face. It took a hot minute, but he managed to break free, earning an extremely shocked gasp from Twilight.

With his arms free he grabbed onto Twilight and pulled her into the water, wrestling her for the shower head and splashing water everywhere in the process.

After their wrestling match they exited the tub and dried themselves off, occasionally stealing glances at each other. Once they were dry they wrapped their towels around their bodies and retreated into the bedroom. Both of them took a seat on Twilight's bed, Ryan grabbing something off of her dresser beforehand and positioning himself behind her.

He grabbed her mane in one of his hands, gently pulling it all back toward him as he started running a brush through her hair. She didn't protest at all, she was enjoying it too much to even think about it.

However, there was one thought that seemed to be caught in her mind. "How did you break out of my magic?"

He shrugged, "I don't know, I just pulled." He said, wondering if maybe escaping something like that was common or not. "Why, is that a bad sign."

"I'm not sure." She replied, "I know its not an easy task. Usually only certain spells can help you get out of something like that, but you just pulled away like it was nothing."

"Hmm..." Ryan thought about it, but he was basically clueless when it came to magic so he couldn't really come up with anything. "I don't know, maybe I just got lucky." He ended the conversation on that note and continued combing away.

With every stroke from the brush Ryan would run his fingers through just behind it, enjoying the feeling of her hair gliding across his hand. When he was done her hair was completely straight. He tossed the brush aside and climbed off of the bed, getting ready to head over to his room.

"Where are you going?" Twilight asked, sounding almost desperate; Like she thought once he left that he wasn't going to come back or something.

He looked back at her and pointed to the door with a thumb. "I was gonna head to my room and go to bed."

"Oh." She said, feeling kind of stupid for assuming he was just going to take off. A blush started to work its way across her face as she forced herself to speak. "Y-you could always just...stay in here...with me tonight."

Her eyes were practically pleading for him to say yes. As much as he wanted to, but not really, how could he possibly say 'No' to that face of hers. He smiled and let out a chuckle. "Okay, I'll spend the night with you."

"Yes!" Twilight yelled, blushing again as she realized what she had done. Her hand moved up and started rubbing the back of her neck, "I mean-Okay, cool..."

"You're too cute sometimes, you know that?" Ryan says as he walks back over to the bed.

Twilight jumps off of the bed and goes over to her dresser to grab a pair of pajamas. She stops when she looks over and sees Ryan drop his towel and slide under her blankets completely naked.

She looks at herself in a nearby mirror and took a breath, shooting herself a determined look. Her hand moves to where she had tied the towel and pulls it, letting it come undone and fall to the floor.

With the towel gone she now stood completely naked in front of her dresser. She turned back to the bed and made her approach, slowly climbing under the blankets and moving as close to the human as she could. Their arms were nearly touching when she decided to just stop and stay where she was.

Her body turned to the side, leaving her back facing Ryan as she used her magic to switch off the lights. "Goodnight, Ryan."

"Goodnight, Twilight." He replied, getting comfortable in his spot.

Silence filled the air as Twilight laid in place, unable to fall asleep. The bed started shifting around a bit and she soon found herself being moved as well. One of Ryan's arms slid beneath her body and pulled her until her back was pressed against his chest, as well as her flank against his crotch.

His other arm worked its way through the sheets and wrapped around the top portion of her, only to press her further into his body. The warmth he gave off was nothing short of bliss to the purple mare, waves of comfort she had never known started coursing through her body. She could already feel herself becoming relaxed and starting to drift off.

As great as sleep was starting to sound, there was something that was bothering her. Something that she needed to get out into the open so she could finally stop thinking about it so much. She remembered what Ryan had told her, 'Don't think, just do it.'

Twilight's eyes clenched shut as she forced herself to stop thinking about what could happen, the consequences, what may come out of it; good or bad. She opened her eyes again, turning her head toward him a bit as she spoke. "Ryan..."

He shifted a bit, his eyes refusing to open as he responded. "What's up, sweetheart?" He asked in a tired voice.

"I..." She stopped, her mind immediately becoming flooded with thoughts of doubt. When she was about ready to give up something started up within her. A fire of sorts that seemed to burn away any shreds of doubt she previously had just moments ago. "I think I love you..." She finished, now feeling nothing but anticipation for his response.

...gay...

He stayed quiet, leading her to assume the worst. Her head turned away from him, angling slightly downwards as her eyes started to water.

Ryan tightened his grip on her, moving his chin so that rested on her head. "I love you too..." Twilight's head immediately raised a bit, her sadness quickly being replaced with happiness and joy. As excited as she was though, she was still tired. So, yay, no over-the-top reaction.

You didn't even say that to Kendra...and she was your longest relationship...This girl means that much to you?

"She aint no normal girl and she never will be. And I'm more than happy with that. What can I say? She's a nerd, but she's my nerd." He thought back, being too tired to remember that Twilight could hear his thoughts.

Twilight felt a tugging on her heart strings, a good kind of tug. The kind of tugging you feel when you find out your crush wants you just as much as you want them. She tried to move deeper into Ryan, but if she were to go any further she would be wedged into his chest cavity. She let the waves of comfort overtake her and started sinking away into the world of dreams.

"...Jackass." He muttered to her, earning himself a punch in the arm from the lavender alicorn who soon became lost in the wonderful waters of sleep.

As the world around Twilight faded away, she started to hear something in the distance. A voice that she could recognize almost instantly. One that belonged to a certain blue alicorn who just so happened to be the princess of dreams, as well as the night itself.

"Twilight Sparkle, do you even know what you've done?"

Author's Note

As promised, you can find the sneak peak by clicking HERE.
That's as much as you're getting for now...or until I decide to finally release the story...Which likely won't be until I'm done with this one.
As always, if you liked this chapter, slap that LIKE button in the face like a bitch! Share with your friends and feel free to leave comments below. Comments make me feel special :P

Joy Ride

Twilight had been silent for the entire meal. Earlier that morning Ryan noticed that she was acting really weird and thought that maybe taking her out to a nice breakfast would help her come to her senses. However, this proved to be in vain as she continued to be silent during the trip, the meal, and even afterwards. Now here they sat in the middle of a restaurant with neither one of them saying anything, the human refusing to take his eyes off of her; while the alicorn refused to look anywhere near his general direction.

He had been patient, he had been kind, and he had been courteous. But, a guy can only handle so much before it starts to become extremely annoying. "Okay, I'll bite. What. The fuck. Is wrong?" He finally asked, feeling as though a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. "You've basically been a corpse all morning and it's driving me completely banana sandwich over here."

I...I think you may have...j-just...What!?

She shifted in her seat a bit, still contemplating how she was going to break the news to him. Ever since Luna came to her in her dreams and reminded her about the issue with sleeping with an immortal she had been trying to figure out just what to say to him. Come on! She thought to herself. You're a smart pony, you can do this. Just find a way to play it off as a game. He likes games. "Can I ask you a question? Hypothetically of course."

Ryan raised a brow at her, his mind refusing to comment as it knew very well that she would hear it and likely try to avoid the subject if he called her out. "Sure?"

"If I told you..." She paused, taking a moment to clear her head. After taking a few deep breaths to calm herself down and mentally prepping herself, she continued. "If I told you that you somehow, someway, became immortal...How would you react?" She flinched a bit, as if expecting him to explode.

"What's the catch?" He asked with little hesitation, not sounding the least bit upset or angry. In fact, he sounded more curious than anything else.

This surprised Twilight greatly. Although she didn't know what he was talking about with the whole 'catch' thing, she was relieved he wasn't freaking out. "What do you mean by that?"

"You know," He began, "whenever someone gets something good there's usually a catch; some kind of downfall to receiving something they either wanted or needed."

She thought about it for a second, continuing to play it off as the game she wanted him to think it was. "Let's say that there is no catch. That you obtained this with no repercussions what so ever. You were just able to live forever." She stopped, taking in her own words. "Which, in turn, does mean that you'd have to watch those around you grow old and pass on."

Thoughts like these always gnawed at Twilight; how one day she was going to have to watch her friends die while she stayed young for the rest of...well, forever! She pushed those thoughts aside, not wanting to fall into an emotional rollercoaster of sadness.

Ryan raised a hand, rubbing at the scruff he was growing on his face. It had been a while since he had shaved, probably should look into finding a razor at some point. Going back to the question of immortality though...

"I think it would be pretty cool." He said, making Twilight's jaw fall right off of her face; Metaphorically speaking. "If I'm being honest, I've always been a bit scared of death." He explained, "Well, not so much death itself, but what would happen afterward." As he spoke, Twilight continued to look like she was in a state of shock.

"Being immortal wouldn't bother me, I've watched enough of my family die that I've grown used to it, so that wouldn't be too bad on me." He continued, making Twilight's heart skip a beat. She found it hard to believe that anypony could be used to seeing death. "Hell, if anything it means I could help them out as much as they needed and keep them happy even to their last days."

And our legacy would live on for ETERNITY!!!

Now that was something she could get on board with. Suddenly the anxiety she felt when it came to her friends growing old and dying lightened up immensely. Just because she wouldn't die that didn't mean that her friends couldn't live long and fulfilling lives. And, as long as she was there to help them along the way, she could be happy.

A single happy tear worked its way down her face, which she quickly wiped away with her arm. "Wow, you have no idea how much better you just made me feel."

Ryan shrugged, being understandably confused by this. "Okay, glad I could help?" He said, starting to become more curious about this whole immortality thing. "So what was with the random question anyway; And why have you been so quiet up until now?"

Her eyes grew considerably wider at his question as she remembered why she had asked him the hypothetical in the first place. "Yeah, about that..."

We're a fucking God now, aren't we?

"More like demi-god. You won't age or anything like that and any wounds you get heal at a much faster r-" Her mind shattered like a glass window when her thoughts caught up with her words.

"Wait, are you serious?" He asked with a bit of enthusiasm. The nervous blush as well as her silence proved to be as good an answer as any. "That's fucking awesome!" He nearly shouted, being more than happy with the idea of never having to face death...again. "Is that what's been bothering you all day?"

"Well...yeah." She confessed, still looking a bit unsure about herself. "I wasn't expecting you to react so positively about it." Her head dropped slightly as she thought back on her assumptions of is reaction. "I was actually pretty sure that you would hate me."

Ryan rose up from his seat, walking over to Twilight and kneeling down beside her. "Sweetheart, as much as I hate to admit it, I don't think I could hate you even if I tried."

"You don't think?"

"Not really, no."

We're still getting used to this whole, caring about someone else, thing. We've also been complete strangers to love and even doubted its existence! Cut us some slack, would you?

Twilight giggled at him, she was well aware that all of this was as new to him as it was to her. She also knew that for the longest time he didn't believe in love, so it was probably a complete mindfuck, as he would call it, to even think for a second that he would care about someone this much.

Still, she was happy being with him and was willing to be patient with his emotions. She leaned forward, letting her forehead rest on his as she closed her eyes and just enjoyed his presence.

She let out a soft chuckle as she shifted through her memories. "It's funny; The first time I saw you, you were trapped in that big metal monster. I actually thought that I had messed up the spell that brought you here, never expected myself to want you more than anything else in the world."

Ryan followed her example. "It is kind of funny." He replied, "The day started off totally normal. I was just driving home and..."

Twilight's ear twitched at the sudden silence. She raised her head to look at Ryan, only to see him staring off into space. He seemed to be deep in thought. The only question was; What was he thinking about?

She waved a hand in front of his face to get his attention. "Hello? Equestria to Ryan...Are you okay?"

"Dude..." He said quietly, his volume quickly picking up as he continued his statement. "Where the fuck is my car!?"

Twilight stood by the edge of the Everfree Forest with Ryan staring intently at the beat up mess that he used to call his vehicle. The black paint was scratched and a majority of the body looked pretty rough. It also had a chain wrapped around its body that had it bound to a large boulder less than a foot away from it.

From what he saw on the outside, a majority of the damage was focused on the roof of the car. Without so much as a warning he started walking toward it, only for Twilight to grab his arm and stop him.

"What are you doing?" She asked with a look of concern. "That thing could be dangerous! Don't you remember how it got ahold of you and locked you up inside of itself?"

Ryan pulled his arm away with a laugh. "You ponies are a fucking riot. That thing is about as dangerous as a water heater." He explained, looking over at it before continuing his approach. "Just take care of it and it won't explode, simple as that."

As nervous and as scared as Twilight was, she followed; Keeping herself as close to her mate as possible in the off chance that the monster might spring back to life and attack.

Once Ryan was beside the car he reached down to open the door, only to find out that the handle wasn't working. He sighed and stuck his arm through the shattered window, opening it from the inside. The door clicked as latch freed itself and was made ajar with an obnoxious squeaking noise that made both parties wince.

The inside seemed to survive, he even spotted his keys still in the ignition. However, he would get to that part later. First things first; he reached down and pulled a small lever under the dashboard, making the hood pop and sending Twilight into a small panic attack in the process.

The alicorn yelped and Grabbed Ryan before teleporting him away from his car. "That was close."

Ryan gave her a stern look, making sure that expression told her that he knew what he was doing. She gave him an apologetic smile as they went back to the car, this time standing directly in front of it.

His hand slid under the hood, another popping sound soon followed as he raised it, exposing the engine within. "Wow..." Twilight said in amazement, "What is all of this?"

"I aint no mechanic so I can't really say much." He answered, not really knowing what a majority of the stuff inside of it was. From what he did know though; The air compressor was fucked, the radiator was low on fluid, and a lot of the tubes had come undone. "But, I can fix this..."

Twilight looked over at him, merely observing as he lowered himself into the hood a bit and started fiddling around with some of the rubber tubes. "Do me a favor, sweetheart. Inside there's a set of keys, take them out and go behind the car. Put the key in the hole, twist it, and bring me every plastic container you can find." He knew better than to tell her to open the trunk and grab a list of things. Hell, the ponies all thought this thing was some kind of monster.

She nodded and did as he instructed. It took some work getting the trunk open, but she managed after about a minute of fiddling with it. "And bring me the small metal box from back there too, please." He yelled back to her, to which she responded with an 'Okay'.

Using her magic, Twilight was able to grab everything he wanted and have it follow her back over to him. She set everything down on the ground and gave him a tap on the shoulder. "I got what you wanted. I hope it's all here."

Ryan looked up from the hood and scanned the bottles with his eyes before kissing Twilight on the cheek and smiling. "Thanks, babe." He said, making her blush slightly and put on a ditzy grin.

He rummaged through the bottles, happily finding out that a majority of them had survived. The gas can was half empty, but that wasn't too much of a problem. After opening up the tool box he grabbed several shiny metal utensils and went back into the hood of the car.

Every so often Twilight would go over to the side or peer over his shoulder to see what he was doing. From the looks of it, this thing wasn't a monster at all. It was some kind of contraption made by the humans. Needless to say, she was beyond fascinated and memorized everything that he did from removing and replacing clamps to filling certain things with fluids that she couldn't identify.

When he had done all he could for the engine, there was only one final thing that concerned him; under the hood at least. The thing that really mattered, the horse that pulled this carriage, the beast that made this brick shithouse come to life; the battery.

"Twilight~" Ryan said in as cute of a voice as he could muster, giving the purple mare the biggest puppy eyes that a human possibly could. "Can you put the keys back where you found them, please?"

She rolled her eyes at him, taking the keys and cautiously entering the car before resting her flank on one of the padded seat within. After doing a quick inspection she found the ignition, or the hole she had yanked the keys from, and reinserted it. "Now what?"

"Twist it clockwise." Ryan replied, "It's gonna click and then I want you to stop." He set his sights on the battery and waited for Twilight to do as he had instructed.

"Okay." She said, still feeling a bit uneasy about this thing. Using the technique Cadence had taught her she managed to calm herself down enough to do as he had said.

With a firm grip on the key she twisted it until it clicked and was met with resistance. The area in front of the car lit up and the radio kicked on, making Ryan cheer as she jumped slightly. When she realized it was only playing a song, she relaxed immensely.

The song was strange, she had never heard anything like it before. However, her attention was drawn elsewhere when she saw Ryan dancing around with a wrench in his hand and pointing at her; singing along to the song that was playing as he used the wrench as a microphone,

"~Girl, you were made for me.

I was made for loving you, baby!

You were made for loving me!

And I can't get enough of you, baby!

Can you get enough of me?"

Twilight had put a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter. It was a nice gesture and all, but it was simply too funny. It was like watching someone do something so adorable that you couldn't help but to laugh at them.

She climbed out of the car and walked over to Ryan. "You're such a goof, you know that?"

"Damn right, I am." He replied, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her closer to him. "Would you have it any other way?"

The smile she gave him was too cute, and the little blush that followed it only added to the appeal. She raised her arms and wrapped them around his neck, staring into his bright blue eyes. "Of course not."

They leaned in and shared a soft but firm kiss, letting themselves melt away in each others arms. Another song soon came on, one of Ryan's personal favorites. Poison by Alice Cooper. He broke the kiss and shoved Twilight back some, putting on a dramatic look.

"~I wanna love you, but I better not touch!

I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop!

I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much!

I wanna taste you, but your lips are venomous, poison!"

Twilight didn't bother stopping herself, she just let herself laugh this one out before tackling him to the ground and engaging in one of the most memorable make out sessions she's ever had with him.

When the couple finally separated, Ryan inspected the exterior one last time. He took notice that one of his front tire's was way out of commission and got to work on that. Luckily for him, and thanks to his slight case of paranoia, he had two spares. A backup tire that matched the rest in shape, size, and design, and the temp spare.

It was an obvious choice, seeing how the backup survived the crash. He grabbed the jack from the trunk and got started on replacing it. In a matter of minutes the tire was swapped out and ready to go. With Twilight's help, everything was packed back up in the trunk and the chain was removed.

Ryan climbed into the driver seat and motioned for Twilight to enter the passenger side. She entered the vehicle and looked over at him curiously. "What are we doing?" She asked, "Better question; What does this thing do?"

"You might wanna put your seatbelt on." Was all he answered with as he twisted the key further and the engine hummed to life. "I've got a bit of a lead foot."

She flinched as the car was brought back to life, but since Ryan seemed calm she was sure nothing bad would happen. She remembered that he told her to put something on, and that he had something, but wasn't sure what they were. "Seatbelt? Lead foot?"

He pushed a button on the radio, starting up another song as he put the car in drive and slammed his foot on the gas. The tires skid across the ground as the vehicle took off out of the dirt, ditching the Everfree and leaving a large cloud behind them.

Twilight sank into the seat, staring out of the cracked windshield as she screamed from the sudden jump and movement. When she stopped panicking she looked out of the broken widow to her side, quickly taking notice that they were picking up speed at an incredible rate.

Forty-six...Fifty-three...Sixty-six...Seventy-five...Eighty-seven!

Ryan's eyes became fixated on the area in front of him, a huge grin spread across his face as he grabbed the gear stick and shifted it. The car made a hissing sound as it suddenly sped up, sending both him and Twilight further into their seats.

One hundred and motherfucking sixty!!!

He looked over at Twilight, clearly she wasn't having a lot of fun. In fact, she seemed kind of terrified. It was too late to stop it though, the adrenaline junkie was out and looking for his fix. His eyes left her and found just what he was looking for; A small hill that was quickly approaching them.

Ryan, while keeping his foot on the gas, stretched an arm across Twilight. He grabbed her seatbelt and forced it over her chest, buckling it in as fast as he could. The car swerved a bit, but once his hands where back on the wheel he managed to realign himself with the hill. His grip tightened, his teeth clenched, and his girlfriend was probably having a heart attack.

Fly you majestic piece of shit! FLY!!!

They practically glided up the hill with the speed of a bat out of hell. Before the tires could even reach the peak they left the ground and the vehicle soared several feet into the air.

"~BORN TO BE WILD!!!" Ryan sang loudly as Twilight externally freaked out, grabbing onto the handle on the ceiling in hopes that it would save her.

The car quickly fell to the ground, landing hard right side up, the momentum sending them spinning in circles. Given that the human had previous experience with issues like this, he jerked the wheel around and managed to get the beast into a steady side drift before slamming his foot down on the brake.

"Do we have to visit them?" Rainbow Dash asked in a very annoyed tone as she followed her friend to Twilight's castle. "It's not like they need somepony there to give a narration on how bad things are."

"What makes you think that things are going badly?" Fluttershy asked, not sounding anywhere near as negative as the rainbow haired Pegasus.

"Come on," She yelled out, as if Fluttershy had asked her the most obvious question in the world. "You said it yourself, they were fighting nonstop when they went over to your cottage."

"But that doesn't mean that they are still fighting." She explained to her opinionated friend, doing her best to look at the bright side of things. "I'm sure they worked out all of their problems and are perfectly happy now." A strange noise picked up just as they were coming close to the castle. "Do you hear that?"

"Yeah." Rainbow Dash replied, becoming as vigilant as ever. She spotted something in the air; It was large, black, and coming down fast. "What in Equestria!?"

They took to the air in silence as, whatever it was, plummeted to the ground and started spinning rapidly. The spinning soon stopped, but it was still moving with one of its sides facing where they had previously been standing. Clouds of dirt kicked up as it started slowing down before coming to a grinding halt just a few feet away the castle.

"Oh no," Fluttershy said with a look of fear. "That's the thing that had Ryan. It's come back for him!"

"Good riddance." Was Rainbow's response.

Before Fluttershy could reprimand her for saying such a thing they heard a loud whooping that rang out from inside of the metal monster. They merely watched as the sides opened up to reveal Twilight and Ryan exiting and closing the sides back up.

Ryan looked happier than Pinkie during one of her famous parties. Twilight on the other hand looked like she had just been put through one of the most frightening experiences imaginable.

"That was fucking awesome!" The human shouted as he paraded around for a short while, still being a bit hyper from the adrenaline flowing through his body.

"Yeah," Twilight said in a dazed voice. "That was great, let's never do it again."

The human laughed and pointed something at the monster, the eyes on it flashed and it beeped, making Twilight jump in the air, only for Ryan to catch her in his arms. "Calm down." He said with a giddy laugh, "I've got you."

And with that he carried her over to the castle, kicking the doors open to allow them entry as Twilight nuzzled into him like a foal. Unknown to them, the two pegasi continued hovering in the air with a slack jaw expression stuck to their faces. Both of them muttering the words, "What just happened???"

Author's Note

Finally made the reference. YOU'RE WELCOME!!! (You know who you are...)

This was a fun little chapter to do, I'm proud of it. However, I know there are probably a few errors in here that I missed in editing, so that'll stab my confidence in the throat a little later. Right now though, I'm content.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I know I did. If you did, slap that like button in the face like a bitch! Also feel free to share this story with your friends and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special. :P

Easing The Tension Away

"I'm glad you and Ryan are getting along again." Fluttershy said through the crack of Twilight's castle door. After what had just taken place, both her and Rainbow Dash had to be escorted out; mostly Rainbow though. Behind Fluttershy, rainbow haired pegasus was standing a few feet away, caressing one of her wings and fixing her mane. "I was worried when you two kept fighting."

Twilight flashed her a guilty smile. She wasn't proud of the events that unfolded when she went over to see her or after only three minutes of them coming over to visit. "I was too. And, again, I'm sorry about all of that." She said genuinely, "And all of this." She said, looking over at Rainbow Dash who was still tending to her damaged appendage.

The cyan Pegasus turned her head toward the alicorn with a look of disdain on her face. "That freak broke my wing!" She yelled, wiggling her body slightly to show her friend that she wasn't lying. Her wing flopped around like a wet noodle, causing Twilight to put on a disgusted expression. "He's lucky I don't come back in there and kick his flank!"

"I'd like to see you try, bitch!" Ryan's voice rang from within the castle. His tone gave away just how furious he was, but also spoke that he was ready to finish what they had started.

Round Two; FIGHT!!!

"No more fighting!" Twilight finally snapped. Her eyes became locked onto Rainbow, who had taken a surprised step backward. "You need to stop being so dense all the time and start acting like an adult!" Her head then cocked to the side, looking behind her at the human who was stuck in a rather uncomfortable position. "And you, you need to learn how to control your temper and stop being such a dick!"

And with that, it was like time froze around her. Fluttershy and Rainbow could only stare slack jawed at Twilight. Neither of them had ever heard her talk like that. It was understandable for her to loose her cool after all hell had broken, but hearing her swear like that without a second thought was like watching a catholic priest kiss a guy who was dressed up as the devil.

Twilight managed to catch up with herself during that moment of silence and, out of impulse, slammed the door on her friends. With a quick bit of magic a number of locks appeared on the door, sealing it shut.

She buried her face into her palms and groaned, "What the actual fuck!?" She yelled at herself, again stopping to mentally slap herself for using that kind of language. Either she was starting to change a little too much, or she needed to spend a weekend away from Ryan. "This is getting ridiculous."

"A little help, please?" Ryan called out as he daggled, his body swinging around slowly. At some point during his and Rainbow's altercation he had been picked up and thrown at the roots of the tree that they had been using as some sort of makeshift chandelier. In the process of this, one of the roots tore through the leg of his jeans and held him in place. "I am getting really nauseous...Like, seriously, I'm about to throw up."

After letting out a long and understandably stressed out sigh, Twilight ventured back into the room where all hell had broken loose in record time and used her magic to free Ryan, as well as lower him safely to the ground. He took a moment to recollect himself and even brush off his clothes before. He had a few cuts and bruises, but nothing serious. He made a mental note to himself to avoid anything with salt before turning to face Twilight, who was already more than prepared to chew his ass out.

You better think of something funny to say in the next two seconds, cause she is gonna fuck your world all sorts of up.

Using his ever-so-precise mind to come up with ways to lighten the mood, Ryan managed to come up with a plan. One so perfect that it could take even the worst of situations and make them look like a walk through the park. "So...that could have gone better."

You are a fucking idiot.

"You think!" Twilight shouted at him with equal doses of anger and sarcasm. Her hands were balled up into fists and her teeth were clenched so tight that he swore they should have shattered. Then she did that thing again; It wasn't too often, but sometimes when she was stressed she did this thing that Ryan could only describe as a 'Half assed salute to Hitler.'

After performing the technique that Cadence had showed her, Twilight managed to calm down significantly. It never really worked in completely relieving her, but it did help ease the tension and help her think properly. "I...I am really not ready for this."

Ryan raised a brow at her. With the way Twilight had just said that it almost sounded like she was about to break up with him. Although he had been through many breakups before, the thought of this one going through such a thing almost terrified him. "What do you mean?"

"Just...all of this stress." She explained, "The near constant amount of chaos, the crazy car ride, the fist fights." She walked over to one of the chairs and took a seat where she lowered her head to the table as she replayed everything that happened today in her head. "I just wasn't prepared for all of this."

Twilight was starting to look genuinely upset. In all honesty, Ryan wasn't even remotely surprised. He could imagine, with all of the excitement that has taken place since he got here, that she was probably becoming a little bit stressed out. Taking a good look at her now, she was beyond the point of just being a little tense. She was a ticking time bomb and really needed to let off some steam.

Listen up, jackass! I have an idea...

He couldn't help but grin to himself when an actual good idea started coming together. He moved closer to Twilight, giving her a slight nudge. "Hey." He said, receiving no response from the mentally exhausted mare. "Hey!" He yelled, still receiving nothing in return. With her acting like this, he could only think of one way to get her attention.

Ryan pinched the tip of her horn between his fingers, causing her body to jerk upward as she let out a sharp moan. With a few tugs he managed to get her back onto her feet and eventually looking directly at him. "I want you to meet me in your room in ten minutes. Are we clear?"

With her brain starting to get fuzzy and her face already reddened from the way he was manhandling her, all she could do was nod to him. When she was released Ryan took his leave, running out of the room and down the hall.

She took a moment to get her barring's back as he rubbed her horn. As uncomfortable as that experience was, her horn was still too sensitive for it to not have been at least slightly arousing. However, all she could do now was wonder what he was planning and why he was being so persistent about making it happen.

All she could really do though was listen to him and wait. Just do this all by the book and the pieces to this puzzle should fall together on their own. So she waited the full ten minutes and started for her bedroom. As she did so an aroma started to pick up around her, the scent of lavender shooting up her nostrils as she continued down the hall, getting stronger the further she went.

Twilight had to admit that she had a weakness for this smell, her mother used to wear a perfume that was fairly similar to it. Every time she would catch its scent her mind would wander back to a simpler time, back when she was just a filly. It was just her, her family, and her books. Nothing else mattered.

A smile began to work its way across her face as the memories of her childhood flooded into her. Alas, those thoughts were brought to an end as she came to a stop so close to the door that she had nearly bumped into it. Her hand slowly reached up and grabbed the knob, twisting it until the door gently swung opened.

The room behind the door was dimly lit by an number of light purple candles, all of which surrounded her bed. The bed also seemed to have been moved to the center of the room. A tune was being played in the background, one that heavily surprised Twilight. She had never heard it before, so she could only assume that it was being played from that odd device Ryan always had strapped to his side, seeing how he played all kinds of music unknown to her world. However, compared to what he's played before, it didn't sound like something he would listen to. It was soft, melodic, and strangely relaxing.

Suddenly, Ryan walked out from the bathroom in nothing but a pair of black cargo shorts. The lights from the candles barely illuminated his body, making it easy to see every crease and every muscle in his body. His hands were rubbing against each other, both appearing to have some kind of thick slimy substance coating them that made them slightly reflective.

He glanced over at Twilight, who already had a massive blush across her face, and smiled. "Come here," He said with a smooth tone as he took a seat on the bed, carefully patting at the open spot in the center. "I have a surprise for you."

Although Twilight wasn't exactly sure what to expect out of all of this, she made her way over to the bed, climbing onto the center and sitting on her knees. "Okay, I'm here." She said, her blush not faltering in the slightest. "What's the surprise?"

Ryan inched his way over to Twilight, climbing up and positioning himself on his knees right in front of her. He lifted a hand up under her chin, pulling her lips into his.

The two became locked in a silent kiss, the only sound in the room coming from the burning wicks of the candles and the soft breathing of the couple. The human lowered his hands down to the hem of her shirt, grabbing it and lifting it over her head. The alicorn allowed this only to dive back into their oral embrace once that article of clothing was gone.

With the flick of one of his wrists, Ryan was able to remove her bra and toss it aside. Once that final garment was gone he broke the kiss and shoved Twilight down onto the bed.

She stared up at him with a look of confusion, unsure if he was planning to start another violent session of intercourse with her. As fun as that sounded, she just wasn't feeling it right now. "I'm sorry," She began, "but I don't think I'm up for it toni-"

One of Ryan's fingers pressed against her lips, silencing her with a shush with a light shush. He grabbed on to one of her shoulders, forcing her to roll onto her stomach. He then started straddling her from the back and popped his fingers before rubbing his hands together.

This situation was starting to look pretty bad on Twilight's end. She had just rejected his advancements and, from the looks of it, he wasn't going to listen to her. "Ryan, I just said that I-" She gasped as she felt his hands fall upon her. The feeling of his palms rubbing over her back as his fingers dug into the knots buried beneath her skin was almost indescribable. Her body started to visibly relax and soon she became putty beneath him. "Oh Celestia, that feels good."

He chuckled a bit, knowing that this wasn't what she was expecting. Her reaction earlier gave away what she assumed would happen, but he's been known to defy expectations in the past.

Focusing back on the task at hand, he continued to rub his hands along her form, kneading his fingers into some of the more tense spots to help relax them more. He could tell that she was enjoying it with how much she was humming in relief. The lotion he had rubbed into his hands allowed them to practically glide over her, making it neigh impossible to cause any sort of friction.

Twilight wasn't typically one to indulge herself in things like this. It was rare enough to see her at the spa, unless one of her friends brought up the idea at least. But this was something that she really needed. With everything that has been going on since Ryan's arrival, she found herself just being overwhelmed more often then not. Yeah, Ryan would help keep her calm, when he wasn't the one causing it, but words could only do so much. This, however, was bliss.

The feeling of his skin rubbing against her; pressing into parts of her body that felt so stiff just moments ago and making it vanish into nothing, and how his finger seemed to mend all of the tightness in her back, making it loose again, made her brain fall into a world of peace that she hadn't known in a long time.

Now that Ryan had finished forcing all of the tension out of her back, it was time to move on to phase two of his plan. With her body being loose and relaxed it would make things much easier for something, not quite as strong as his fingers, to work on her. He removed his hands from her back, now pressing them into the mattress on either side of her body.

The mare's face shifted to a rather disappointed expression when she felt his hands come off of her body. For a moment there she thought it would last forever, but reality just doesn't work that way. She was about to get back up, but was stopped before she could even start. Her body instantly locked up as something long and warm started dragging itself up her body from the start of her waist all the way up to her neck.

This definitely wasn't a sensation she had ever felt before. She didn't even know what it was. All she knew was that it was warm, smooth, and kind of wet. On top of that, she also knew that it felt strangely and unmeasurably good. Her head turned back, her body twisting as well to allow her a better look at the human.

"W-what was that?" She asked with a bit of a stutter, still trying to refocus herself.

"That, my dear, was the beginning of our halfway point." He explained with a sly grin, "A long while back I learned that, with a tongue like mine, you need to learn how to use it." His body shifted a bit as he repositioned himself and licked up the center of her back, slowly wiggling it from side to side and causing her to shiver in response. "So I started experimenting and eventually came up with The Tongue Massage."

She was already starting to pant as she tried to keep herself contained. The way he maneuvered his tongue was, in her vocabulary, extremely erotic. However, the idea seemed odd in theory. "Don't you think that it's a bit strange?"

He nodded, "Yeah, but are you really complaining?" With that he ran his tongue from the middle of her back over and across her ribs until he was at the base of her breast, where he redirected himself and traveled up to her shoulder. He replaced his tongue and bit her softly. "Do you really want me to stop?" He asked, his voice slightly muffled from his jaw being locked onto her.

Her eyes and mouth clenched shut the moment he started, making her incapable of forming an audible response. Instead, she hummed and nodded to let him know that she wanted him to keep going.

Ryan smiled to himself and released Twilight's shoulder from his from his teeth. He placed a hand on her and pushed her body back into the bed where she laid still to let him continue.

With her submission, he was able to go back to working her over with his tongue. He made sure cover every inch of her back and neck, changing up his motions and never following any kind of specific pattern. Occasionally, he would glide over a particularly sensitive area, one that would cause her to moan slightly. He took advantage of these spots by tracing over them several times and even biting them with just enough force to spark a reaction.

After a few minutes, the smell of her arousal was starting to breach even his weak nostrils. Phase three was ready to be put into action. He repositioned himself once more and rolled Twilight so that her back was to the bed. Once she was right where he wanted her, he went back to straddling her and immediately started kissing and nibbling at the nape of her neck.

Twilight was far too lost in her own pleasure to even register that he had moved her. It wasn't until he had already started attacking her neck that she noticed him being right in front of her.

"What are you doing now?" She asked in a curious, but weak voice.

Ryan looked up at her, but didn't respond. Her face was completely flustered, a deep shade of red covering a majority of it. He turned his attention off of her face and back to her body, licking from her neck down to the center of her chest. He placed a hand on one of her breasts, giving the orb a gentle squeeze.

Twilight's head shot back as a moan managed to escape her throat, her breathing quickly escalating to long sharp breaths. She managed to force her head back down just in time to watch him stick out his tongue again and start twirling it around her nipple. Her breath instantly became caught in her throat.

Being a tease was too much fun for the human, he found it more entertaining than literally anything else in his world. Just playing with her body would be enough to get him off. To up the ante her took her nipple into his mouth, sucking on it as his tongue ran circles around her areola. As fun as this little game was, Twilight was already grinding her hips against him. Now phase three could officially commence.

He released her breasts from his assault and went on to planting a row of kisses further down her body until he was met with the waistband of her pants. Just as a little added enjoyment, he slid his tongue under the fabric and started massaging her thighs. Her immediate response was to grind against his chin.

Alright already! We get the point, fuck! Let's get to the good part you mangy fuckin' cock!

Ryan shrugged, figuring that the time for teasing was over and made quick work of removing all layers of clothing on her lower body. However, she did say that she wasn't in the mood for anything earlier, so he would use this against her by nibbling on parts of her inner thigh while staring directly at her.

Her eyes were pleading for him to ravage her, but she could tell that he was waiting for something. "Please...Please do it." She begged, sounding almost like she couldn't breathe at all anymore. "I need this."

He grinned almost evilly before diving right in to her sex, his tongue forcing through the folds of her slit and exploring the caverns within her body. Twilight's legs wrapped around his head in the near blink of an eyes, forcing his face deeper into her. Using this to his advantage, he plunged his tongue further into her, twisting and wiggling it around in all directions.

The mare's body was already shaking uncontrollably. Beads of sweat started working their way down her body as the man she called her own threw her into a state of pure ecstasy. She felt like she was ready to explode at a moments notice, all she needed was a little push.

Feeling that her walls were already starting to close around him, Ryan knew full well that she was mere seconds from popping off. All he needed was to come up with some sort of grand finale so that she could get the most out of it.

Remember Ex number twenty-eight?

If he could smile right now he would, but he couldn't. So he settled on going in for the kill. After placing his hands on Twilight's thighs he managed to just barely pull himself from the death grip known as the female legs. However, rather than remove himself completely, he simply lifted his head a couple inches and let her pull him back in. With the new angle he had been given he was able to remove his tongue from her entrance and close his mouth a bit, gently pinching her clit between his teeth. With her most sensitive piece being stuck in place his tongue moved in to finish what he had started, practically writing out the Chinese alphabet across the little nub.

Twilight felt her legs instinctively tighten around Ryan's head as she finally unloaded onto him. At any other point in time she would worry about whether or not his skull would cave in, but right now her attention was more on the almost instantaneous and extremely intense orgasm she was having. Nearly five whole minutes the euphoric feeling finally beings subside, allowing her to move her body at her own leisure.

Her legs softened their grip on her mate and fell to the side, leaving her as nothing more than a sweaty, panting mess on her own bed. Much to her surprise though, Ryan was still buried in her marehood. He wasn't doing anything, he was just there.

She looked down to find him laying with his head buried between her thighs, unmoving. "Ryan...are you okay?" She asked with a worried voice. He started grumbling in response. "Ryan!" She yelled in a panic, thinking that she had hurt him.

Ryan's arms started flailing around and lightly clawing at her stomach. "Help!" He yelled in a muffled tone, "I'm drowning!"

Author's Note

As far as I'm concerned, I invented he full body tongue massage. I don't care what ANY of you say! And to all of my fellow men out there who have girlfriends; The next time she asks you for a massage (Or just offer to give her one you lazy fucks) do it the exact way I described here. It may not release as much tension, but every girl I've done it to became so relaxed that the world practically melted around them...and then we would fuck, cause I couldn't help but focus on all of those really sensitive spots they had...then I would drown.
This advice comes at a price though and honestly I'm not really proud of this, but it had to be done. Please go to THIS LINK and check it out. Just watch the video and you will understand.
As always, if you enjoyed this chapter, slap that Like Button like a bitch! Feel free to share it with your friends as well as leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

Morning Troubles

Author's Note

Sorry this is so long, but I felt like it needed to be said.

I've got a bit of bad news guys. Seeing how I'm not really getting a whole lot of support on my Patreon page, things here are probably going to slow down. I'm really sorry, but things for me are taking a very bad turn. I might not be able to keep coming on to this website.
I finally managed to find a place to stay, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to stick around too much longer. I'm probably gonna end up back on the streets again, hopping from house to house just so I can have a place to stay for the night.
The people here can't afford to keep taking care of me. There's just so much wrong with my body that I can't make it function properly anymore. I went from being able to handle whatever was thrown at me to not even being able to do something as simple as lifting a brick.
My body hurts, it hurts so much and I can't keep doing what I'm doing. The guys at my workplace already see me as a liability and I know they won't keep me around. They never do.
I wouldn't keep me around either, last thing I would want working under me is a guy who's body shuts down every ten minutes.
I'm so sorry guys, I don't want to stop doing this. I love making content here and I know many of you are enjoying it too, but I can't keep fighting this anymore and ignoring it is no longer an option.
I can't afford the treatment I need, so I'm stuck. There's nothing else I can do.
I am so sorry that things aren't working out. I really want to keep doing this and I promise that I will keep trying, but I don't know how much longer it will last.
But as always, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I had fun writing it. I'll see you all later

Morning Troubles

Twilight awoke to a strange feeling in her lower back. Like something was stuck between her and Ryan. The night before ended shortly after she had gotten that much needed release thanks to her mate, they immediately started cuddling and eventually fell asleep. However, that was after she swatted him in the back of the head for making her worry so much with the whole I'm Drowning joke.

So here they rested; With Twilight facing the wall and her back pressed firmly against the human's chest. But this thing that seemed to be wedged between the two was starting to bug her. It was warm and felt as though it was moving further up her back with each passing second.

This led her to quickly assume that, whatever was in bed with them, was alive and looking to travel higher. Testing the waters on what this thing wanted, she pulled herself out of Ryan's arms and moved over a few inches. The head seemed to follow her some, but eventually stopped.

Now being concerned that it may go after Ryan, but also not wanting to startle it cause it might attack, she turned over to face Ryan. He was still sleeping the day away, unaware of the potential danger he was in.

She couldn't wait any longer, Twilight had to know what it was and what it wanted. Her hand slowly made its way up the bed, easing its way to the top of the blanket. Once it had reached its destination, she started to carefully raise the bed sheets and just like that she felt like the stupidest mare in Equestria.

Much to her surprise, there was no monster creeping its way up the bed. Instead what she found was a serious case of morning wood on Ryan's part. His member stood up straight, but not really, and tall. It was almost scary how large it was right now; swollen and red, twitching every so often, as if it were crying out for help.

Her eyes shot up to Ryan, glancing up at his sleeping face. He seemed so calm and peaceful, which only made a number of questions shoot through her head rapidly as to why his...little Ryan was so wide awake.

A thought crossed her mind; He did seem rather excited last night shortly after he had pushed her into an orgasm, but rather than bother her about it, he just let her sleep. She blushed slightly; Although he can be a total dick sometimes, no pun intended, he seemed to always be on top of making sure she was happy. Even if it meant putting himself through an uncomfortable situation.

Unless he was drunk, that is. Then its all about what looks the most fun and how much he can piss off the whole town. But, going back to the topic at hand, she was starting to feel a little guilty for leaving him high and dry last night. Maybe there was a way she could make it up to him...

Do it! Her own mind started to nag her, You know you want to. And I promise, he'll love it just as much if not more. After taking a minute to think it through, and knowing full well what Ryan was like, she could find no downsides to what her thoughts were telling her to do. Don't think about it, the words rang through her head in memory of him telling her how to get through things she was unsure of. just do it.

A look of determination soon worked it way across her face as her hand started making its way to his throbbing manhood. Once she was in range she firmly grasped it in her hand, causing him to readjust his body slightly. She waited for him to settle before focusing back on the task at hand. Again, no pun intended.

She remembered the feeling as it was now; soft, but hard and firm. It's warmth filled her palm as she started to gently run her hand up the shaft all the way to the tip and back down again. Ryan's body shuddered at the feeling, but remained in slumber.

Twilight continued to stroke his dick slowly, occasionally causing the human to hum in his sleep. It felt like it was only growing warmer and harder, like it wanted more. Come on, Twilight, Her thoughts started up again, you can do this!

With that little bit of mental encouragement she slid the rest of her body down under the blankets, inching her way closer to Ryan's body. She stopped when she was eye level with his cock, the stiff appendage still throbbing in her hand. It was strange how lively it was, she could actually feel his pulse in the veins that lightly budged just beneath his skin.

She gulped as she processed what she was about to do. It wasn't so much as doing it that bothered her, it was mostly that she was doing it while he was asleep. At this moment though, she couldn't seem to resist. While she was trying to tell herself, 'No!' Every molecule in her body was screaming, 'Yes!'

It wasn't long before her tongue unconsciously slid out of her mouth, pressing itself on the underside of Ryan's shaft and licking up to the tip. His body shuddered again, but rather than stopping this drove her to do it more. While her hand stroked the base of his cock her tongue continued to run up and down the rest of his shaft.

Her body felt as though it was growing hotter, her own arousal picking up as she continued to work on him just as he had worked on her. She could already feel her marehood leaking down her on her thigh.

Twilight's horn started to glow as she removed her hand from Ryan's member and engulfed it in her magic, letting her hand slide down her body so she could satisfy herself as well. She moved her head up slightly, placing her lips on the head of his dick and sliding it into her mouth.

She felt watched as his entire body started to tense up, letting that be her sign that he was enjoying it. Her eyes closed as she let her body do the work for her, her head bobbing up and down on the top portion of his cock while she rubbed herself with her hands. She slid a finger into her pussy, making her moan onto his dick.

Her magic traveled down his cock and onto his balls, shifting them around and adding a light pressure to them while she worked on forcing him deeper into her throat. His body was already starting to respond to the pleasure as his waist began to thrust him into her, making her gag as he went beyond the point that she could handle.

Twilight could already feel a pressure building up inside of her, she was close to finishing herself off. Seeing how Ryan was responding to her efforts she could only assume that he was drawing near his end as well. She attempted to double her efforts on him, but she still couldn't manage to fit the whole thing in her mouth without choking.

Ryan's pace began to quicken, his waist forcing her to take in his cock at a faster rate. He was definitely coming close, that was for sure, and she wasn't too far behind. Before Twilight could make one final attempt at taking him in deeper, she felt his hands grip the back of her skull. She no longer had a choice as he forced his entire length into her, his cock shooting wave after wave of his seed into her throat.

She held on for dear life as she was forced to swallow down everything he had, her body trembling as she managed to hit her mark and moan to herself as a tidal wave of that euphoric feeling washed over her.

When her head was finally released she pulled herself back and took a deep breath. As she gasped for air she heard a slight chuckling coming from outside of the blankets.

Twilight quickly grabbed the sheets and tossed them aside to find Ryan wide awake with his eyes clenched shut and his hands over his mouth.

"I-I uh..." She stuttered, a blush quickly working it way across her face. "Y-you were...How long have you been awake?" She finally managed to ask, feeling slightly embarrassed.

Ryan opened his eyes and uncovered his mouth, using one of his arms as a prop so he could look a her with his head raised. "Oh, you know...a while." He replied with the biggest shit-eating grin she had ever seen.

"How long is a while?" She pressed, looking as though she suspected him of committing some sort of crime.

"About..." He paused and raised his free hand, making it look as though he was actually trying to add up the numbers. "Five or so minutes before you." He finished, his grin only growing wider.

Her left eye twitched upon receiving this information. "You were awake...the whole time..."

"Eeyup."

"You were pretending to be asleep..."

"Mhm."

"..."

Masquerade, a simple mare with simple tastes. Her life was as average an any other pony. In fact, the most exciting thing to happen to her at all was the meeting she had with a creature from an entirely different word. One of which was willing to take the fall for her not being able to pay for a meal that she took it out to.

She hadn't really seen Ryan much since then, or at all really. That time at the diner was the most fun she has had in years; just being able to sit down and talk to something so different was entertaining in ways she didn't even know existed. In all honesty, she kind of missed him. It's not often you literally bump into an alien and just talk and have fun.

As odd as she felt about admitting it, she thought he was kind of cute too. In his own way, that is. Despite some of his crude behavioral quirks and the kind of language he used in public, he was a really nice guy. She only wished that she could see him again.

The wind picked up a bit, gently pushing her curly blue hair over to the side. She was able to correct it just by running her hands through her mane once, but the wind only grew stronger. Her head turned to the side to see a number of ponies staring out at something in the distance. It looked like somepony was being chased.

"Help!" A masculine voice rang out in the distance, growing louder as it drew close. "She's gonna kill me!" It shouted, running at a full sprint through the town in nothing but a pair of black shorts.

Once the runner was in range, Masquerade manage to make out exactly who it was. It wasn't hard to tell, what with him having no fur and a noticeably large lack of a muzzle.

Ryan ran as fast as his legs would carry him, his mind in a panic as he did everything he could to avoid letting Twilight get too close to him. She was slow when she was grounded, but those wings of hers were helping her keep a pace that he was growing extremely uncomfortable with.

"Seriously, take a joke, woman!" He yelled back at the angry mare who had a look of death shined directly at him.

After receiving nothing more than a growl in response he prompted to just running faster as to try and avoid the fate he had sealed for himself. Somehow, he managed to spot the first actual friend he had made in Equestria and in his current state of mind there was only one thing he could think of to do.

Meat Shield!

He quickly dove at Masquerade, curling up into a ball and taking refuge behind her. She turned to face him with a questioning look on her face.

Your sacrifice will be forever remembered. Your people will sing songs about you!

Masquerade felt a shiver run down her spine, like someone was watching her. She turned back to her previous position, immediately locking eyes with a sloppily dressed purple alicorn. One that looked like she was ready to kill.

"Excuse me, Miss." Twilight said politely, doing her best to retain as much venom as possible. No point in being rude to an innocent bystander. "Would you kindly move aside so I can deal with that jerk behind you?"

The mare's face scrunched at the alicorn. She turned around and grabbed Ryan, forcing him to his feet before wrapping her arms around his torso and turning back to Twilight. "No, if you wanna hurt my friend then you'll have to go through me."

Ryan felt his brain crack like a window under pressure, shattering many of his thoughts at once. "Um...what?" He asked, slightly confused why a mare, he had only seen one time mind you, was ready to throw herself in front of him like this. "Like seriously, what the fuck?"

Did...did the woman we just tried to use as cannon fodder just offer to protect you?

Twilight gave her a stern look, almost mockingly stern. "You do realize that he's only using you as a shield, right?"

"It's true." He admitted without hesitation, earning a strange look from Masquerade.

That look quickly vanished as she shook her head and started glaring at Twilight. "I don't care." She said in confidence, being more assertive than Ryan would have ever expected. "I'm not gonna let you hurt my friend. I don't care if you're a princess; you have no reason to be attacking anypony like this!"

...Holy shit...This bitch has some fucking BALLS!!!

Twilight was going to argue this, but not only was she in a public place, but she also didn't really want everpony to know why she was chasing him. Thinking back; she might be overreacting. It wasn't like he had done anything to seriously hurt her. After all, it was probably just a playful joke that she took a little too seriously.

In the end, she did know he was joking, she should have known better. His sense of humor was something she was growing used to, but that one pushed a little too far for her tastes.

After taking a breath and thinking everything over, she cracked. "You're right." She said, causing both Ryan and Masquerade to go wide eyed. "It was just a harmless joke, I shouldn't have taken it as seriously as I did." Her hands came together and she locked her fingers together as she looked up at them with sad puppy eyes. "Can you forgive me?"

If she were one of your ex's then this would clearly be a trap...But, she seems genuine. Alright, your turn to apologize, dick-face.

Ryan let out a weak sigh, kind of hard to breath with a mare crushing your ribcage. "Yeah, I can forgive you." He spoke in a strained voice, causing Masquerade to blush and release him from her grasp with a nervous look about her. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't joke like that. It was...yeah, a little fucked up."

"So...we're okay?" Twilight asked, looking like she was expecting him to walk away and never come back.

"We're cool." He responded, sliding his hands into his pockets.

She smiled and jumped past Masquerade, wrapping her arms around Ryan who responded in kind. "Thank you..."

The tan mare scratched her head, wondering what had caused all of this. She also found it kind of weird how quickly they forgave each other, but to each their own. "Feel free to not answer, but; What caused all of this?"

Ryan and Twilight pulled away from their embrace, glancing at each other with an odd mixture of shame and amusement.

Twilight rose from the bed and walked over to her dresser to collect a clean set of clothes to wear. The whole thing about Ryan being awake during her little surprise was brushed off rather easily. He was usually too adorable to stay mad at, especially when he was actually trying. A bit of self doubt crossed her mind, making her ponder a thought about something that she really had no reason to even think about.

She turned her head to see Ryan on the other side of the room. He was sliding on a pair of black cargo shorts. The dark thoughts crept a bit further as she watched him get dressed. "Ryan, what would you do if something happened to me?"

Judging from the overall all randomness of the question, the human took it with a grain of salt. In his mind, she was just asking as some sort of game. So he responded how he would to any question he saw as a playful gesture; with an over the top joke "I'd probably just go after one of your friends." He answered, not even looking in Twilight's direction. "Maybe Fluttershy, girl's got some serious boob game."

He laughed at his own jest, quickly taking notice of the room growing almost unnervingly colder. He cocked his head to the side in confusion before turning to see Twilight with a rather unpleasant expression on her face. "You okay, sweetheart?"

All Fun And Games

Masquerade felt a wave of disappointment wash over her. It was like her heart had been shoved into a blender and set to its highest level. Why was she feeling this way; one might ask. Well, that was because she, Ryan, and Twilight all decided to go out for coffee at Sugar Cube Corner together. In the midst of sitting down and chatting with them, she found out that the human she really liked was already in a relationship with the alicorn princess of friendship.

Her head hung low once she had gathered that depressing bit of information, but she lifted herself back up and put on a strong smile. "I had no idea that you two were together." She said with her fake smile still glued to her face. "I'm so happy for you."

Ryan smiled, not quite taking notice of her distress. "Yeah, we've been going at it for..."

Fuck, I wasn't keeping track!

"Just a little under a month now." Twilight finished, feeling a bit upset that he had forgotten. No matter, it was just the way he was. "Can you believe it?" She asked, looking directly at her mate with glee. "In just a few days it's going to be our one month anniversary!"

"Yeah!" He followed up with a nervous look about him. "Just uh..."

Will you stop this! You're setting yourself up for disaster!

Twilight groaned a bit at this, "It's in-"

"Two days, four hours, thirty six minutes, and twenty-seven seconds!" Came a very high pitched voice that nearly caused the whole table to shit themselves. "Here's your coffee!" The unnaturally bubbly pink mare exclaimed, placing three cups down on the table before bouncing away.

"...Yeah, that!" Ryan said with wide eyes, his brain simply settling on continuing the conversation rather than trying to comprehend what just happened. "So, for the sake of our sanity, let's please change the subject."

The table agreed to his verdict and went on with an entirely new conversation. One that was short lived. The moment Ryan picked up his cup and sipped from it all hell was about to break loose. He spat the liquid out, soaking the table as he threw the cup down.

"What the fuck!?" Ryan yelled, making all eyes within the restaurant turn on to him. His face was starting to turn red as beads of sweat formed on his forehead. "What the hell was in that; A fucking ghost pepper!?" His head darted over to the side upon hearing, what sounded like, two mare giggling just a short distance away. He managed to spot both Pinkie and Rainbow Dash ducking behind the counter to try and hide from him. "Oh...It's on now, bitch!"

He rose up from his seat and stormed out of Sugar Cube Corner with purpose. What he was going to do was unknown to the surrounding ponies, but none of them imagined that it would be good.

Masquerade and Twilight both glanced at each other, shrugging as neither of them could come up with an idea of what he was planning. Seeing no point in ending the trip, the two started talking. They looked like they were getting along too. Each conversation they had usually ended with one, if not both of them, laughing.

Ryan somehow managed to be prepared for anything, his friends never understood how though. His secret; keeping a little bit of everything on him at all times. When he made it back to the castle he charged straight for his room and grabbed the backpack that came with him upon his arrival.

As his hands sifted through the old bag he pulled out a number of different items that he could use to get back at the mares. And when he said he had everything, he meant everything. From survival/medical kits all the way to murder weapons. And, for some of the more special occasions, party supplies.

The human waited patiently behind a tall bush, keeping his eyes on the sky in hopes that the rainbow haired cock-gobbler would appear. When he finally managed to catch sight of the mare, he discreetly followed her all the way to a lone cloud that sat pretty low in the sky. After watching her get comfortable and lay down he prepared himself for action.

From his pocket he pulled out a number of cherry bombs that he had tied together with twine and a small lighter. Upon taking in just how hard he would have to throw it so it would reach her, he lit the fuse. Using all of the strength he deduced would be needed into his throwing arm, he made the small assortment of loud fire crackers soar into the air before getting the fuck outta dodge and sprinting away.

The cherry bombs managed fly right over Rainbow Dash before exploding like a small stick of dynamite. The sound rang through the skies, alerting any ponies standing within a fifty foot radius. The only thing louder than the pop they made was the sounds of the Pegasus screaming out of panic as she fell to the ground hard.

Rainbow pulled herself up from the dirt, brushing off her clothes as she coughed up a bit of smoke that was trapped in her lungs. She looked up to see her napping cloud completely destroyed. The sound of her growl was fierce enough to make even a grown man cower as she uttered the name of the one responsible for this treachery. "Ryan..."

The clock struck three, telling Pinkie that she was no longer on duty for the rest of the day. She hung up her apron, waved to some of the customers, and started skipping to the door. Once she was outside she took in a deep breath of the fresh air. A light breeze brushed across her, making her curly hair lean to the side before going back to its natural form.

With a smile on her face, and a pep in her step, she again started to skip away. However, the moment she left the safety of the restaurant, her fate was sealed. Her feet left the ground and landed on something soft, so soft that it gave away beneath her. With a startled yelp, Pinkie Pie fell into a hole that had been dug just outside of Sugar Cube Corner and a rather deep one at that.

Luckily for her, she managed not to break anything during her fall. The hole was at least ten feet below ground and very dark. The only light in there came from the opening at the top...which slowly faded away as something was pushed over it.

Once the pink mare had fallen into his trap, Ryan slid a thick panel of wood over the hole. It had been pained to look like dirt, as to make it more difficult to see, but for good measure he had collected a number of leaves and torn grass to cover it up with while nopony was looking.

Now that Ryan had her where he wanted her, he prompted to trying to find a way out of there without being seen. The last thing he needed was for ponies to think that he was going around trapping mares. A lot of bad rumors could surface otherwise. He took one last glance around the surrounding area. It didn't look like anypony saw him.

Another job well done! I believe we have earned ourselves a drink, good sir.

The idea didn't sound too bad in his head, so he made his merry little way back to the castle. He had the biggest grin on his face, knowing that he was just minutes away from winning this little war that they had started with him. Sometimes he even amazed himself with how fast he could get things done.

Ryan practically danced up the castle steps, but upon opening the door was met with a sight that he actually seemed pretty scared to run into. Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were standing right inside of the castle, both looking like an absolute mess and very angry, all while aiming a party cannon right at him.

Something tells me that this might hurt.

The cannon fired off, sending the human flying back several feet only to land on a bed of rocks they had laid out for him. "Son of a fuck!" He yelled in agony as confetti fell from the sky. He didn't doubt that they would show up to do something like this, but he wasn't expecting it to be so painful. "Was that really necessary?"

In the blink of an eye, both mares were standing right above him. "It was completely necessary!" Rainbow yelled, "You could have killed me with that stunt you pulled!"

"Correction," He said with his finger raised, "it would have maimed you." Rainbow growled in response, reaching down to grab him by the hair and pulling him back to his feet. "Ow ow ow ow ow!"

Fucking bitch! STOP!!!

Ryan, now back on his feet, watched as Pinkie aimed the cannon at him for the second time today. "Wait! Truce, I call a truce!" He yelled, earning a shocked look from both parties. "You win," He said in a strained voice, trying to get Rainbow's hand out of his hair. "let me go! I can pay you!"

This seemed to peak Rainbow's interest. "How much?"

"I don't have money right now." Those words cost him a few strands of hair as the Pegasus gave it a tug. "Ow, fuck! Just hear me out! I have this thing I've been working on."

In an instant Pinkie was in his face, pressing her dirt covered muzzle against his nose. "What kind of thing?"

Here we go...

"Let's just make this short and simple." He began, speaking as fast as he could. "A while ago the Cake's pissed me off, so I've been working on this milkshake that I thought would be able to put them out of business."

The look on Pinkie's face was beyond terrifying now. She went from just looking angry, to looking like she was ready to burn down an orphanage. "WHAT!?" She shouted with enough volume to pop an eardrum. "How dare you!" Her head shot over to Rainbow, "Pull all of his hair out!"

"Hold on!" He yelled, earning him a few more seconds of explanation. "The recipe is yours so long as you agree to the truce. I've made two so far and if you let me go then their both yours." The earth pony narrowed her eyes at him, once again getting uncomfortably close to his face. "Take them, sell them, burn them, I don't care!" The two ponies locked eye with each other before glancing back at Ryan, who was still struggling to get out of Rainbows grip.

Rainbow released the man and gave him a second to rub his sore head. "We'll think about it." The cyan Pegasus proclaimed, "First, I wanna see them for myself."

Smart girl.

Ryan led the two into the castle and down one of its many hallways. Eventually they walked into an empty room with nothing more than a table in the center with two milkshakes sitting on top of it. "There it is. Have a field day."

Pinkie was the first to dart over to the cups, grabbing one and examining it. "With me being a milkshake expert, I think I'll take the first sip."

Rainbow took a moment to follow her friend, but did so and grabbed the second cup, trying it out for herself. The cool treat hit her tongue and...nothing, It was just an ordinary vanilla milkshake.

"What's so special about these?" She asked in a condescending tone.

"Mine tastes like blueberries!" Pinkie said with delight, her cup already half gone as she turned to face the human standing in the door way. "What did the Cakes do to make you mad anyway?"

Ryan smiled, "Oh, they didn't do anything." He replied with a shrug, "I lied; The Cakes and I are actually pretty cool. I'm not a fan of their kids, but their good ponies."

Rainbow paused for a moment, taking in what he had just said. "Why would you lie about something like that?" Another thought crossed her mind, one that gave her a strange feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. "And why does Pinkie pie's Milkshake taste like blue berries? Mine was just vanilla."

He shrugged, "I guess I'm just that lucky." As he said this a mischievous grin spread across his face. "She picked up the cup that I was hoping she would grab." He held up an empty can in front of his face, looking it over before tossing it on the floor. "Again, have a field day." And with that Ryan slammed the door shut and locked it.

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash yelled running over to the door and pounding on it like a madmare. "Let us out you jerk!" No response came. She growled for the umpteenth time today before her eyes moved over to the empty can. She stared at it with a look of curiosity as she cautiously picked it up. It was blue with silver writing going across it. "Red Bull?"

Not knowing what the foreign drink was, she decided to get a second opinion. "Pinkie, do you know what-?" She stopped as she caught sight of her friend. Her whole body was shaking rapidly, several strands of her mane shooting out and making it look like a clusterfuck of pink strands. Her pupils were dilated to pinpricks and were shaking around even more than the rest of her. "Are you okay?"

Ryan leaned against the door with his arms crossed, merely listening as the already hyperactive mare fell victim to his real trap. If the human body pumps adrenaline when it registers fear then why wouldn't it do the same to them? So, having that in mind, he set up the perfect method of torture. Hyper mare plus adrenaline, plus energy drink. With all of the screaming, crashing, and loud thuds coming from within, it was starting to sound like an Irish bar fight in there. He almost felt bad for the poor girls...almost.

So about that drink?

"I could go for a shot or two." He said to himself, leaving the two mares to suffer for their crimes while he enjoyed himself.

As he entered the kitchen he heard the front door fly open and slam shut, along with footsteps coming his way. Out of instinct, he prepared himself for a fight by grabbing the first bottle he saw and smashing it on the counter. With his makeshift weapon in hand, he readied himself for an oncoming bloodbath.

Much to his surprise though, it wasn't an intruder. Instead, Twilight came stompping into the kitchen, completely disregarding the human as she pushed past him and dove into the liquor cabinet. He couldn't tell what it was she had grabbed, but she was already sucking it down like a fish.

He wanted to crack some kind of joke about it, but seeing how well that worked last time he thought it best to avoid trying to be humorous. "You alright, sweetheart?"

Twilight pulled the bottle from her lips and closed the cabinet.

"I'm fine." Was all she said as she left the kitchen and walked for the dining room.

Just her tone was enough to tell him that she wasn't fine. The girl sounded pissed, but he didn't know why. Curiosity became his worst enemy as he followed her out and waited for her to sit down at the table.

Ryan rested his arms on the chair beside her, doing his best to read her features. "You wanna talk about it?"

"I said, I'm fine." She huffed before chugging her drink again.

Becoming annoyed with this game, Ryan reached over and took the bottle from her, setting it down just out of her reach. "Clearly you're not. So how about we talk about it and see if we can't fix whatever it is that's bothering you." Her horn started glowing as she used her magic to lift the bottle, only for Ryan to grab it and somehow disperse her magic. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

Twilight only grew more and more irritated when he pried, but with all of the thoughts going through her head she was going to have to talk about it. She had to know. "How long have you known Masquerade?"

Okay, I can already see where this is going. Let's just be honest, answer her questions, and everything should ride out smoothly.

Ryan shrugged, "I met her the first time I went to Ponyville. I bumped into her, we got to talking, had lunch, then I started stripping on the table. You should remember that, you're the one who dragged me out."

Her expression only became more sour at his answer. "Oh, so you can remember all of that, but you can't remember our one month anniversary?"

But then again, she is still female...

Author's Note

I probably shouldn't be saying this here, but I consider you guys friends so why the hell not. I got around to seeing a doctor a while back, and I have good news...and bad news...and more good news.
So if I'm being honest with you guys, I've known about my probelm for a good while now. However, it's severeity is just starting to come to light. I'm just gonna go ahead and give you a list here.
Right Leg: 3 Tumors. One of which is wrapped around my ankle.
Left Leg: 2
Right Arm: 2. One of which is wrapped around my wrist, the other on my tendons.
Left Arm: 1
Chest: 1. Working its way through my ribs and to my heart.
Neck: 1. Slowly curling around my throat.
Head: 1. Already gripping my skull like an anaconda.
Good news; They're not cancerous! Bad news; They're gonna hurt forever and tend to make whatever they're stuck to shut down every so often. So if the ones in my chest, neck, and head keep growing then...I've already sent specific instructions to a friend of mine to let you guys know. I'm not bothering to have them removed because, A; I don't have the money, and B; I've had two removed in the past and they regenerated, duplicated, and grew much larger at a much faster rate.
More good news! I managed to get another chapter done; So yay!

P.S. I'm not gonna stop writing. I appreciate the concern that some of you may have, but really, doing this is all I look forward to anymore. I get so much joy out of writing and being able to entertain people that it helps me forget about literally everything else. Thank you for looking out for me, but I'll be fine. I may not be around for as long as I'd like, but I'll be damned if I let it stop me from doing what I love. I am not going to give up. I've been living with these things for a while now and I'm not going down without a fight! I can't say for sure if I will ever get better, but so long as I live and breathe, you can expect to see more from me. That, my friends, is a promise.

With that being said, if you enjoyed this chapter, slap that like button like a bitch and feel free to leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

Trust Me

"Excuse me!" Twilight yelled as she rose from her seat with a furious glare aimed directly at Ryan, her face contorting in ways that kind of scared the poor human. "What the hell is that supposed to mean!?"

Ryan raised his hands defensively, taking a few steps back so that she wouldn't end up head-butting him. "Okay, I think we've skipped some levels here."

"Oh really," She said with her arms crossed over her chest. "Just tell her everything she wants to know," She mocked, doing what was probably the worst impression of his voice. "Everything should be fine, but she is still female."

He raised a brow at her, his expression being nothing more than deadpan. "Seriously? You should know by now that I really can't control what that guy says." The sound of thunder crackled from outside and echoed through the castle. "That's weird...wasn't it sunny just a few minutes ago?"

"Don't try to change the subject!" Twilight shouted, apparently thinking that getting louder would help prove her point.

Ryan had to jam his pinkie finger into his ear to make sure it wasn't bleeding. "Says you;" He responded, "First it's all about Masquerade, now you're going on about what my brain has to say. If I could control it, I'd have made him shut up years ago."

"He is you!" She retorted, using what she saw as logic and reasoning at this point in time. "Your brain is not a he, it's an it! It's part of your body and reflects on your own thoughts!" The information she was giving him was sound, but he felt otherwise. "So what am I to you now; just some crazy mare?"

This is starting to get annoying.

"You're not helping!" Ryan yelled at himself, or his mind rather.

"Now I'm annoying, huh?"

"See what I mean?"

I'll shut up now.

"Twilight," Ryan began, doing his best to diffuse the situation as quick and clean as possible. "where is all of this coming from? Earlier today you were just fine, we were all out having fun." He explained, "Yeah, I left to enact some revenge, I supposed I was gone for a while." His arms were starting to feel tired, so he lowered them back down to his sides. "What the hell happened?"

"Oh yeah," She started, letting out some kind of mocking laughter. "And on top of everything else you basically abused my friends. Burying Pinkie alive and launching explosives at Rainbow Dash!" Her hands found their way to her head as she massaged her temples with her fingers. "How are you even my perfect mate; What did I do to deserve a psychopath like you?"

Trigger word!

Ryan's hands clenched into fists, his fingers popping at the intense pressure he was putting them under. "You wanna run that by me again?"

Twilight removed her hands from her head, "I'm sorry," She again spoke in a mocking tone, "I mean, I know that you're crazy, but I didn't know that you were stupid too. Next you'll say that you had no idea that mare liked you."

Bitch, I will stab you in the-!

"I-" He was about to come back with something until he registered Twilight's words. Masquerade liked him? How? Aside from earlier today, they only met once. Hell, he was even making fun of her name for a majority of their meeting. Then it hit him...

Oh...ohohohohoh! I see what's going on now. You're little princess here is J-E-L...uh...fuck, I don't know how to spell jealous.

A chuckle managed to creep out of Ryan's throat. Then another, and then another; Soon enough he was howling with laughter, an arm firmly placed over his stomach at the amount of pain his hysterics were putting him in.

Twilight's glare never faltered, she continued stare daggers at him as he somehow managed to find humor in all of this. "I am not jealous. I'm the princess of friendship, I don't get jeal-" Her words trailed off as she remembered the incident with her booksortcation. (Did I spell that right?)

Being lost in her thoughts, she was completely unaware that the human had stopped laughing and was fast approaching. She let out a shriek as he picked her up in his arms and held her in a tight hug. "Let go of me!"

"Nope." He simply replied, "Not until you start believing that there is nothing going on between me and the curly haired 1970's bitch."

You still don't even know if that's the right generation. You're a 90's kid, dammit!

Twilight struggled against his grip, her struggling only triggering him to pull her down into a firm kiss. She was going to pull away, but couldn't muster up the strength to. Something about the way he kissed her just spoke a thousand words on its own. It was like reading one of the most encaptivating books ever written, one that couldn't help but get hooked on.

However, just as it goes with reading books, her attention was peeled away from it because of something else getting in the way. This time it just happened to be Ryan pulling away from her. His bright blue eyes locking with her deep purple ones.

He brushed a hand across her cheek and she instantly nuzzled into it, looking up into his eyes. "Is there really nothing going on between you two?" She asked, still feeling extremely paranoid about it. "If there is, or has been, then-"

Ryan cut her off by saying, probably one of the most romantic things to ever leave his lips. "Shut up, book horse." Strangely enough, Twilight couldn't help but giggle a bit at that nickname he had given her. "I promise you, though. There never has, nor ever will, anything going on with me and Masquerade...There should really be a nickname for that woman, that name is too damn long."

Twilight flashed him a smile, but only for a second. "How can I be sure though?" She asked in a sad tone, sounding desperate to find any reason to stop mistrusting him.

"You're the one with magic." He suggested, "Can't you look at my memories or something."

"I could, but I'd never do that to you."

"What if I said that I wanted you to?"

Her breath became caught in her throat. It's not every day that someone just welcomes you to go digging through their memories, so hearing someone say that they want you to is quite the shocker. "A-are you sure?"

He nodded, "If it would help make you happy and feel better, I'd let you stick a knife in my sternum."

That was much of an invitation as she would need, at least that's what she translated his words into. She made an audible gulp and, without so much as a second thought, leaned forward and pressed her horn against his forehead. This would be her first time doing this, so she was pretty nervous. Her eyes closed as her horn started to glow. In seconds both of their eyes flashed like headlights. When Twilight opened her eyes she found herself in a place that she really wasn't all too familiar with. In fact she had never seen a place like this before at all.

To her left was what looked like a library; The walls were made of oak with several bookshelves decorating them. There was a small table by one of them that had a small stack of books next to an empty glass and a wine bottle. The whole room was lit by numerous candles that decorated the area, filling it with a scent that she couldn't put her finger on. It was smooth though, and sweet. A strange sense of tranquility started to fill her.

To her right was something that she found fairly difficult to describe. Whatever this place was at one point was completely destroyed. It looked like a tornado had gone through and torn it apart. The only details she could really make out of it were the scattered paint marks of all colors, several child-like toys, most of which seemed to have been burned at some point, and metal poles sticking randomly out of the walls. The smell of this area wasn't all too pleasant, but it sent an adrenaline-like rush through her body.

Below her was where the two very different houses separated. A thick black line that went all the way to the end of the room, across the ceiling, then back to her. This specific spot was devoid of anything at all. It was just a solid black, flat line that circled around her.

"I see you made it here safely." Came a voice to her left, startling her by its sudden appearance. She about jumped into the right side of the room, but found that it was blocked off by some kind of invisible wall. "Do not be scared, Miss Sparkle. I am not going to hurt you."

Twilight couldn't help but stare with wide eyes at the man who was speaking to her. He looked completely identical to Ryan with only minor differences. For one his hair was neatly gelled to one side and for two he was dressed in black slacks and a white button up shirt, complete with a black bowtie.

"Who are you?" She asked, not knowing where exactly her spell had taken to her to.

"The question is not so much as 'who' I am, but rather 'what' I am." He explained, "But, to make this easier for you, you may call me Mr. Left."

Her brow raised at him. "Mr. Left?"

"Allow me to explain, Miss Sparkle." He cleared his throat and patted his chest two times. "I am Ryan's left brain. My purpose is to work hard until my inevitable death. It is my belief that, if you have a job to do, it must be done with the upmost speed and efficiency."

The years of Twilight's studies on pony psychology came rushing back to her. From the looks of it, they were almost identical to humans. "You're his left brain...Which should mean that you're the one that deals with logic. You're the part that's analytical, efficient, aware of patterns, and aware of trends."

He shot her a quick smile. "Well done, Miss Sparkle. You're quite knowledgeable."

"Well, I do read a lot." She replied, blushing a bit at the compliment. She was already starting to like this Mr. Left character. She looked over her shoulder to the other room. "That must mean that this one belongs to his Right brain."

"Indeed it does." He confirmed, sounding almost annoyed by the mere mention of the right brain. "Objective; Creative, sensory, aware of feelings, people and emotions. He-"

"I like Oreos and pussy!" Another voice called out, causing Twilight to jump, even more so than when Mr. Left had shown up. In an instant the owner of the voice revealed himself...kind of. A door, that had previously been blocked from sight by all of the junk laying around, burst open to reveal someone spinning rapidly on a swivel chair that rolled across the room and eventually into a wall. The chair fell over along with the one sitting in it. He raised a single arm up high from the wreckage, "In that order!"

Mr. Left let out a sigh and began rubbing his temples with his thumb and index finger. "Miss. Sparkle, this is Ryan's right brain. He prefers to go by the name Righty."

Righty pulled himself up from the ground. As with Mr. Left, other than a few key details, he was identical to her mate. His hair was long and messy, his body covered in dirt and bruises, and he wore a simple purple T-shirt and red pants; he was also decorated from head to toe with glow sticks.

He lunged his body toward Twilight, smacking himself against the unseen barrier with a loud thud. "Owie!" He yelled, shaking his head to regain his senses as he looked back over at Twilight. "Holy fuck, you are beautiful!"

"Oh..." Was all she could manage to say. One of her hands found it way up to her neck, nervously rubbing at it as she started blushing once again from the compliment. "Thank you."

"She is quite the specimen, isn't she?" Mr. Left commented, causing Twilight to look over at him. As he finally took the time to scan her with his eyes, he started adding up her qualities. "A slim figure, moderately sized bust, decent waistline; smart too. She would make an acceptable mother for our offspring."

Twilight's jaw dropped to the floor at is words. "Offspring!? W-wha-what do you-?"

Then it clicked, that was the part of the brain with little to no emotion. The left brain focused mainly on two things; Adaptability and survival. It's really no surprise that he was analyzing her to see if she would make strong and healthy babies. Despite what one may think, nature will always try to push you to repopulate. Those specific thoughts are managed by the left brain.

Knowing that's how the left brain works then that would mean all of Ryan's emotions are with Righty, the right brain. Curiosity set in as she turned her attention to him and moved as close as she could to the barrier. If she wanted to know how Ryan truly felt about her, then this was the brain to talk to. As she locked eyes with him, she couldn't help but notice that he was smiling and staring her down with large eyes.

It was time to see how he actually felt. "Righty?" She began, her words being more than enough to make him smile brightly. "Can I ask what you think about me?"

"Oh, baby." He said, placing his hands over his chest. "I love you so much! I wish I could come over there and hug you, and hold you, and kiss you forever."

"Really?" She asked, finally feeling her hopes of being with him resurface and increase tenfold.

"Of course!" He exclaimed happily. "I just want to be with you forever and ever! I want you to love me and trust me...and sit on my face every now and again."

Twilight wasn't sure if she should be happy or moderately disgusted. But they did do some pretty weird stuff when they first started having sex...

Something else started to float about in her mind, something she thought should be addressed. She turned her attention back to the logical one, feeling like he would be the most helpful out of the two for this particular subject.

"Mr. Left; do you happen to know anything about the voice Ryan keeps hearing?" She asked with a somewhat worried expression. "The one that talks to him and basically tells him what to do. It's very confusing to me, seeing how he can actually pick and choose what advice to follow." There wasn't really any other way to describe it, so she had to settle with what she knew.

"I do." He replied, "You see, when Ryan was young he underwent a number of traumas, traumas that the one you speak of doesn't allow us to remember."

Her head cocked to the side. "You can't remember things because of him too?"

Mr. Left nodded, "As Ryan's brains it is our job to process and interpret information and surroundings." He explained, "However, the part that you are addressing is his actual mind. The part where our analysis' go to as to allow him to create a reaction."

Going back to her studies, she could only assume one thing. "That would mean that it's his Superego, right?"

"Not entirely." Mr. Left said with a cold face. "Ryan's Super Ego shattered many years ago from the hidden traumas. It left his mind split in two, basically making him suffer with A.I.D."

"What are you talking about." Righty playfully interjected, waving his hand at Mr. Left. "We don't have AIDS."

"Not AIDS you nitwit, A.I.D!" He yelled in anger at Righty. "Associative Identity Disorder."

"What's that?" Righty asked with a curious smile.

Mr. Left face palmed, "Multiple Personality Disorder...Moron..."

"You mean back when Ego and Insufferable Dick were always fighting over who got to control Ryan?" He asked, seeming to get the gist of what was going on during that chaotic period.

"Ego and ID." Mr. Left corrected, despite knowing that Righty's mistake was more than intentional. No one really liked ID, seeing how he was always a raging ball of cock!

"Can we pause for a second, please?" Twilight requested, receiving nods from both parties. "What exactly was Ryan going through?"

"I wanna tell her!" Righty exclaimed.

"Let me do it!" Mr. Left yelled, making Righty pout at him. He let out a sigh, "With Superego being gone, he was stuck in, what I like to call, a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde phase. He was unstable and constantly switching back and forth from being the nicest guy to the meanest."

"Why isn't he like that now?" Twilight asked, her eagerness to learn about Ryan's mind only growing by the second.

Before Mr. Left could respond, Righty cut him off with a gleeful look. "We did a thing! We did a thing and now BOTH of them are Superego!"

"How?" She asked, bewildered by the very idea of two completely different mindsets working together. "How is that even possible? The Ego and ID are so dissimilar that they, by all rights, should still be fighting! There's no way they could just start working together that easily."

"Naked Man!" Righty randomly called out, now completely stripped of any articles of clothing. He ran over to one of the many piles of junk surrounding him and dove in with a loud tumble as the pile caved in on top of him. "That kinda hurt!"

"That man gives me migraines..." Mr. Left commented with closed eyes. He pointed over at the end of the black dividing line where a door slowly opened up. "I think it would be much more simple to show you, Miss. Sparkle. Go through that door and you shall see how they function."

Twilight was a bit hesitant to just walk through a random door in Ryan's mind. Not even Celestia probably knows the destruction it could hold. She took a breath and slowly made her way to the door, only stopping when she had reached it to look back at them and smile.

"Thank you both. You have no idea how much you've helped me." She waved to them, wondering if she'd ever see either of them again. Perhaps she would see reflections of them in Ryan's behavior one day. "Goodbye!"

Mr. Left offered her a wave, "Good day to you, Miss Sparkle."

Righty's head popped up from the assortments of garbage with a single tear running down his cheek. "I'll miss you, honey!"

The door slammed in front of her, leaving her in another room, one that wasn't divided. The whole thing was as large as a chapel, complete with stained glass windows of all colors and what looked like several types of Rock and Roll memorabilia. There was a long red carpet that led up to an empty stage with screens and speakers all over it. The walls were painted with fantastic golden designs that shined in the dimly lit room. Also along the walls were hundreds upon hundreds of filing cabinets. Each one labeled with a different date and some with different years. They must be his memories, she thought. A majority of them appeared to have been welded shut, probably the memories that even the brains couldn't access.

As she let this information sink in she felt a pair of hands rest onto her shoulders, digging their fingers into her and massaging away all of the tension she had built up during this day. She hummed in approval, knowing Ryan's touch from anywhere.

"You took your sweet ass time getting here." He said with an odd growl.

"Yeah, well you don't know what I had to go through to-" She stopped, just taking notice of the growl. Not only that, but she could feel something sharp digging into one of her shoulders. She looked to one side and saw what appeared to be Ryan's hand there. Glancing at the other, she saw something that made her skin crawl.

Twilight shrieked and jumped away, turning around to see the abomination that was the control center of Ryan's mind. Dressed in a black T-shirt and Blue jeans stood what looked like Ryan, but with a wicked twist compared to his brains. The left half of his body looked normal enough, the right half is what scared her. In place of skin it was covered in dark red scales, the nails on his right hand were long and jagged. She could see layers of sharp teeth behind his toothy grin as he smiled at her. In place of one of his bright blue eyes was one that shined yellow. Half of his hair remained dirty blond while the other appeared to be singed black, and finally a single long horn protruding out of his skull.

Needless to say, if her mentality could piss itself, it already would have.

"Well, hello to you too." The creature that called itself the Superego spoke before coughing a bit and speaking in a much more natural sounding voice. "Sorry about that, boy's a little congested today."

Twilight stared at him in amazement, her mind quickly deciphering how they had fixed Ryan's problem. His Ego and ID were merged together, their body split down the middle while their minds collided to form the ultimate Superego. One that would never have to fight for its reasoning to be more justifiable, or struggle to make things go their way, making each thought both solid and definite.

"How is this even possible?" She asked no one in particular.

Superego shrugged, pulling a cigar from his pocket and placing it in his lips. "The mind is a strange and wonderful thing." He snapped his right hand and a flame appeared on his thumb. He lit the cigar and took a deep inhale before waving the flame away. "In fact, it's the most powerful thing in the human and pony body." He removed the cigar from his lips and exhaled a cloud of smoke. "You outta know, you've got one of the strongest minds I've ever seen. A bit ignorant to your own emotions, but you're still one smart cookie, sweetheart." He smiled at her before placing the cigar back in his mouth.

Twilight wasn't even sure how to process all of this anymore. She started walking in circles around Superego while he just stood there and let her observe him. "I don't understand how something like this can happen."

"I'd explain it to you if I could, but even I'm left in the dark on that one." He added, "And aren't you supposed to be looking for something?"

She stopped pacing when she remembered why she had come into Ryan's head in the first place. "Yes, I am. I'm looking for-"

With the snap of his fingers, a single filing cabinet shot open. It extended over to the center of the large room, its drawer stretch way further than it should have been able to. "I know what your looking for." He reached out and grabbed the drawer, stopping it from extending any further before digging around through the files. "Let's see here...Madison, Maliki, another Maliki, Mary, Mark, another Mark. Here we are; Masquerade!" He pulled out the file with the mare's name labeling it and held it out. "Here you go, sweetheart."

Twilight took the file and opened it up. The first thing she found was a full body photo of Masquerade in a very old fashioned looking dress. Beside the photo was all of the info he knew about her. From the looks of it he didn't know a whole lot. Mostly just what she looked like and that she had come to Ponyville to start a new life.

She flipped over to the next page which described when he had met her, how he met her, and what all had happened that day. She flipped again to find the detailed story of how he had run into her again while Twilight was chasing him. There was nothing else in between. Both pages were dated and filled out completely with every little thing that had taken place.

"He wasn't lying..." Twilight muttered to herself, feeling like a total bitch for not trusting him in the first place. She closed the file and gave it back to Superego before burying her face in her hands. "How could I have been so stupid?"

"Don't think about it too much." Superego replied, even knowing that the question was likely rhetorical. He slid the file back into its rightful place and the drawer slammed itself shut. "It's not the first time a girlfriend questioned his loyalty."

"But what if he hates me now?" She started to wonder, speaking her thoughts out loud. "What if he starts thinking that I'm never gonna trust him and it scares him away?"

"Trust me, sweetheart." He began, taking another puff off of his cigar. "He aint goin' anywhere."

"How would you know if-?" She stopped as Superego gave her a deadpan look, raising his brow as if to ask, 'Did you really just fucking ask me that?' "R-right, sorry." She apologized. However, she still wondered why. "Why wouldn't he leave me, or get scared away?"

Superego let out an annoyed sigh. "First off, you need to stop being so God damn paranoid, alright?" He stated, wanting to get it through her head already. "I don't like to admit this kind of thing, I'm not really a touchy feely kind of guy, but he loves you. There's nothing else that he wants more than to just be by your side and have fun. He's already come up with a thousand plus ways that he could protect you if the need arose."

"Really-?"

"Stop asking so many questions too!" Seriously, it was starting to sound rehearsed at this point and he just wanted it to end. "Stop worrying so much, stop wondering if he'll ever leave you, and stop acting like every little thing you do is going to hurt him. He loves you, he wants to be with you, he'll never do anything to intentionally hurt you. It is literally as simple as that!" He leaned back against a wall, taking a few more puffs from his cigar. "I swear, all women need to have their fucking heads examined."

This Superego of Ryan's seemed to be a lot more outspoken than he actually was, which she didn't think was possible. But the message was starting to come across. If the most powerful part of his mind was saying it, then it must be true. Her mate, Ryan the human, loved her more than anything and would never leave her.

A bright smile worked its way across her face as she dove at Superego and pulled him into a powerful hug. "Thank you. You've really opened my eyes." With that she released him and took a few steps back. "I need to get going. I owe a certain someone an apology."

Superego nodded, "Damn right, you do. Now get the hell out of here." Just as she was about to leave, he raised a hand, stopping her in her tracks. "And one more thing! Stop being so fucking self-conscious. You're one of the brightest minds this land has probably ever seen and you're one of the prettiest aliens we've ever seen. That is all."

She looked up as she ran through a list of ponies that had accomplished more than her. "I wouldn't say that I'm the smartest. I mean; There are so many other ponies that have-"

"God dammit, would you just take the fucking compliment, woman!"

Twilight, taking that as a sign to leave, closed her eyes tight and upon opening them again found herself standing in her dining room alone. Her head shot around in all directions, scanning the area for her mate. "Ryan; are you here?" She called out as she started walking aimlessly around the castle. "I just wanted to say I was sorry for doubting you. I never should have, I should have trusted you from the beginning." Still no response. "Hello?"

The sound of footsteps breached her ears, like someone was coming up behind her. Before she could turn around to figure out who it was, Ryan's voice yelled out before his hairless form tackled her to the ground.

"Naked Tackle!"

Author's Note

Yay for psychology! I hope you all learned a little bit here. However, I highly doubt the merging of you Ego and ID is possible in any way shape or form. But, this is a fictional story so I'll do whatever the fuck I want with it!
Now if you'll excuse me, my brain feels like someone just stuck a knife in it. I need to go lay down for a few hours. Let me know if I botched something up on here, my head's a bit too fuzzy for editing.
If you enjoyed this chapter, slap that LIKE button like a bitch! Feel free to leave a comment below as well, comments make me feel special :P

Just Another Day

"That was completely unnecessary." Ryan grumbled as he sat on the edge of Twilight's bathtub, his face bearing a few small cuts and one black eye. "And how did I not notice that you ponies have nails?"

You tell us, jackass.

"I'm gonna have to agree with your Superego on this one." Twilight added, mostly as a harmless comment. She opened the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, grabbing a number of supplies with her hands and magic. "But, going back to that scuffle you had with my friends, I don't think I can really blame them for attacking you."

"Firstly; His name is Fucktard, at best." He corrected.

Go to Hell!

"And secondly, under no circumstances did I deserve any of the beatings I received." Ryan explained, lifting a hand to his face and gingerly poking at some of the scratches adorning it.

"I'm pretty sure you did." Twilight came back, soaking a small rag with rubbing alcohol. "You can't just give an energy drink to somepony like Pinkie and lock her in a room with some other pony for a whole day! Rainbow Dash is probably going to need therapy." She took a moment to think about her friend, how her eyes shined with pure horror directly into her soul when she had finally been released from the room Ryan locked her in. She shuddered at the memory.

Ryan ignored the look Twilight had and continued his verbal assault on the Pegasus. "Good, I hope she has PTSD."

Twilight's eye narrowed at Ryan, her arms crossing as if to scorn him for his words. "That's not nice."

"Well neither am I." He argued, only for Twilight to respond by throwing the alcohol soaked rag at his face. "Ah! My eyes!" He yelled, falling backward and landing into the tub. "God, damn it all! It burns!"

Son of a biscuit eating fuck!

"Where are we going?" Ryan asked as he followed Twilight through Ponyville. He had a sour look on his face, seeing how a majority of it was dried out and red from the burning sensation that still coursed through his wounds, it was understandable.

"I'm dropping you off at Rarity's." She replied, almost making it sound as though doing this was some kind of chore.

He gave her a look that emanated with discontent. "Why; don't trust me all of a sudden?"

Twilight stopped, causing him to do the same in turn. She turned around and gave him a warm smile as she placed a hand on his cheek. "Sweetie, I do trust you. I trust that you would never do anything to hurt me and would even protect me at the cost of your own life." This earned a smile from the human, until he watched her face shift from loving to stern. "But, I don't trust that you won't go around tormenting everypony else."

She makes a fair point.

Ryan's expression went sour once again. "So now I need a babysitter?"

"Don't think of her as a baby sitter." Twilight said as she started walking for the Boutique. "Think of her as more of a watchful eye to make sure you don't start burning down my friends' homes."

Fuck; There goes Project Arson! See it? There it goes! Like a crying baby out of a close window, it falls to the ground, only to be hit by a semi before it can reach the fucking concrete!

Twilight's expression quickly changed once again, this time to something almost fearful. "That was...unsettling."

"You get used to it." Ryan said, shrugging off the comment like it was nothing.

"I don't think I want to." They finally reached Rarity's Boutique/home, Twilight knocking on the door with just enough force for the unicorn within to hear her.

Rarity opened the door to greet them. She was dressed in black yoga pants, the waist of them were pulled up to her stomach and covering the hem of a cut off red tank top. "Good morning, darlings." She flashed them a smile, "What brings you here today?"

Twilight smiled back at her friend in kind. "Hi Rarity. I was wondering if you could watch over Ryan for me while I run some errands. Princess Celestia sent me a task and I'd like to get it done as soon as possible."

The unicorn blinked twice, looking slightly confused by Twilight's request. "Like a babysitter?"

"That's what I said!" Ryan interjected, earning an annoyed groan from Twilight.

"It's just for a few hours." She explained, "I just don't trust him to not go out and wreak more havoc on Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash."

Rarity let out a knowing hum. "I heard about that little scuffle. As cruel as it may have been, it was pretty cunning."

Ryan grinned and crossed his arms. "At least someone appreciates my work." He let out and UMPF as Twilight's elbow met with his gut, causing him to hunch over and grasp his stomach in pain. "You...Bitch..." He managed to say with a strained voice.

The unicorn let out a short laugh at his torment. "I suppose I could keep an eye on him. Today's starting off rather slow, and I've finished most of my orders. I'll make sure that he behaves himself."

5 Minutes Later

How the hell did we get roped into this?

"I don't know..." Ryan muttered, doing his best to make sure that the unicorn levitating several needles around him wouldn't get distracted. The slightest bit of movement is all it would take to get shanked by one of those things.

Ryan stood as still as a statue, his arms starting to feel stiff from being held out to his sides. His body stayed locked in place, making him look like a giant letter T as he watched Rarity work her magic all around him. He now donned a brand new black tuxedo, one that fit his form perfectly thanks to the undying skill of the fashionista.

His arms faltered a bit, practically begging to be let down. However, the second her started to lower them, the mare used her pony voodoo to push them back up.

"I'll need you to hold them up for just a moment longer, dear." She said as she continued stitching the clothing.

Ryan growled, his arms starting to burn after being held up for so long. "God dammit, I hate you."

"Quit you whining." Rarity huffed in response. "I'm almost...Done!" She exclaimed, levitating the needles and multiple lines of thread back into their respective places.

Ryan's arms popped as he finally got to lower them, making his body shudder from the slightly painful relief. "Oh my lord, that's good!"

Fuck good, that was damn near orgasmic.

Rarity didn't seem to notice Ryan's reaction, or she was just completely ignoring him. She had a number of supplies still in her hand that she decided to clean up the natural way.

The human couldn't help but glance over at the mare as she bent over to reorganize and replace some of her material. He had to admit, she had quite the body. Her form was much more defined than Twilight's, her bust was at least a full cup size larger as well, and on top of that those yoga pants really showed off that round flank of hers. The fabric shaped out her lower body phenomenally and was so thin you could see right through it when it was strained.

Well shit...Looks like we have more in common with her then we thought.

"You know; If you're gonna wear pants that thin you should really invest in some underwear." Ryan commented with a chuckle, making Rarity freeze up. "Seriously, I can see everything."

She quickly stood up, turning around and glaring at him with a fierce blush spread all across her face. "How dare you!" She yelled, clearly not being very enthusiastic about his suggestion. "Why would you even be looking? You have a marefriend!"

"Hey!" He snapped back, "You're the one who decided to go commando today and wear one of the most see-through outfits in existence! It's not fault I happened to notice."

Rarity wanted to reply, but in reality she was the one who made the mistake. Not him. She settled on just holding her breath before letting all her anger flow out with a long exhale. With a grumpy look still glued to her, she made her way over to a chair. Upon taking a seat in said chair, she opened a cabinet and fished out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

After placing a single cigarette in her mouth she attempted to light it. However, her lighter seemed to be out of fluid. It sparked several times, but no flame followed. She was going to keep attempting to light it, until a furless hand reached over and threw the lighter across the room.

Ryan took a seat on her work station, grabbing his discarded pants and pulling out his own lighter. With a single click the flame appeared and he held it out. "Don't you know the rules? Pretty ladies aren't allowed to light their own cigarettes...moron."

The unicorn did smile at him, briefly. It kind of faded away after he insulted her. But, she didn't turn down his somewhat generous offer. She leaned toward the flame, stopping once her cigarette had entered the flame and pulling away when it had lit. Now that her issue was taken care of, she figured that she might as well offer him something in return.

Ryan merely watched as Rarity pulled out another cigarette and held it out to him. He accepted and lit it before replacing his lighter back into his jeans. They shared a moment of silence, enjoying every second of it as they let their stresses slip away with small puffs of smoke.

Rarity glanced over at Ryan. He seemed to be enjoying himself; must have been a while since he had smoked. "So, when did you start?"

He took another puff and pulled the cigarette from his face, inhaling the smoke deep into his lungs and holding it in as he spoke. "About five years ago, back in high school." An large exhale escaped his throat, forming a small cloud in front of him. "I was fourteen at the time."

She gave him an odd look, finding it strange that one would start so early on in life. "Isn't that a bit young to start making bad habits?"

He turned to face her, holding his cigarette to the side and ashing it onto her table out of spite. "Lady, you don't know the half of it."

Rather than get angry and yell at him for desecrating her work station, Rarity grinned and adjusted her seat so that she would be looking directly at him. "Enlighten me."

Twilight happily made her way back to Rarity's boutique after four long hours. The task itself was more tedious than anything else, but not all too difficult. She was surprise how fast time had flown by while she was busy. All of the work she did had actually helped her clear her head, and without Ryan being there it went by more smoothly.

It wasn't like she hated him, in fact, she loved him more than anything. However, she didn't love every little thing about him. All of those stories about loving somepony, their faults included, were bullshit. Despite how much she cared for him, she could go without many of his quirks. But, it was just who he was. His behavior is what made him so unique, besides the whole being an alien thing, and it played a big role in helping shape out the mold that was Ryan Curtis.

A strange commotion echoed through her ears, one that worried her. Mostly because it was coming from inside of the nearby boutique that she had left Ryan in. She approached the door cautiously, reaching up and slowly turning the handle. The door opened just enough for her to see into the house.

She spotted both Rarity and Ryan sitting at a table. The unicorn had tears running down her face, taking bits of eyeliner down with it. The human on the other hand had his face buried into one of his palms and was wearing a rather distinguished looking suit. Knowing Rarity, she didn't bother to question herself on why he was dressed so nicely. The two looked up at each other with suppressed smiles and laughs attempting to force their way out of their throats.

Ryan raised a single hand up. "Right after I leave the room, not even two minutes later, she calls me." He continued, doing his best to not bust out in guffaw at his own story. "And she asks me, in the saddest voice I ever heard from her, 'What's taking you so long?' To which I said, 'Bitch, I'm already halfway home!'"

Rarity couldn't hold it in any longer, her face collapsed as she laughed, pounding a closed fist into the table repeatedly. After a full minute of laughter, she lifted her head and took a moment to catch her breath. "Oh, goodness! If any of my coltfriends had EVER done that to me...Well, I can't say what I'd do."

"That bitch deserved it." Ryan commented, leaning back slightly in his chair.

"After hearing what she did to you," she began, "I'm surprised you didn't do something even worse. I know I would have."

He shrugged, "I would have, but she was friends with a lot of my ex's. Remember, that was number nineteen."

"That does play a factor, now doesn't it." She responded, understanding why he didn't go apeshit on the girl who basically tortured him. "How many ex's do you have anyway?"

"Twenty-eight."

Her eyes widened immensely, before her expression turned to something more devious. "Wow, and you called me a whore?"

Ryan's body seized up for no less than a second at her comment. "Oh, you can fuck right the hell off!"

Rarity put a hand over her mouth to stifle another laugh. While she wasn't a fan of his swearing, she had to admit, it did add a bit of spice to his character. And, after talking so much about his past, a lot of which he had difficulty remembering, she could understand some of his mannerisms.

"Go ahead," He said in a defeated tone. "Laugh it up...bitch."

Twilight, deciding that she had seen enough, finally entered the boutique. She was beyond surprised at how well the two were getting along. Not that she wasn't happy about it, she was glad he was finally getting along with at least one of her friends, but it was still weird. Like, seriously, of all of the ponies he could get along with, it was Rarity?

She made her way over to the table, quickly picking up on the smell of tobacco smoke. She sniffed the air a few times, which was all it took for the two sitting at the table to notice her. "Have you two been smoking in here?"

Both Ryan and Rarity glanced at each other, practically communicating with their eyes before look back to Twilight.

"No..." They replied in unison, making the alicorn flash them a reprimanding look.

"Are you sure?" She pressed, crossing her arms in front of her.

"Yes..." They replied, again speaking in perfect harmony of each other.

This literally could not sound more rehearsed...and it wasn't even intentional...what the fuck!

"Mhmm." Was all she needed to say for them to know that she didn't believe them. "Anyway, I'm glad that you two are getting along. But, it's time to go."

"Awww!" They both groaned in disappointment.

Stop it! It's starting to get creepy!

"Fine!" Ryan rose out of his seat, Rarity following suit. "It was nice hanging out with ya, thanks for the suit, blah blah blah. I'll catch you later." He walked over to the unicorn and pulled her into a hug, which she was hesitant to return at first, but did so anyway. He broke the hug and started making his way to the door with Twilight. "Adios!"

"Bye, darling." Rarity said with a wave, "Feel free to stop by any time."

Once the couple was outside Twilight had to stop her mate to ask him a very serious question. "Okay, how did you do it?"

Ryan gave her a confused look. "What are you talking about?"

Twilight rolled her eyes at him. "Oh, come on. You know what I mean." She began, "So far you've managed to get into a fight with every friend I have, minus Applejack, who you got drunk, but you and Rarity were acting like you've known each other for years. What gives?"

He didn't really have an answer for her. He shrugged and turned around to start the walk back to the castle. "What can I say; The ladies love me."

Twilight couldn't help but grin at his half-assed answer as she followed close behind him. She caught up and stood by his side, reaching over to his hand and locking her fingers with his. "One more thing." She added, causing the human to turn his head toward her while he continued walking. "The princesses are becoming pretty interested by you, what with me sending them letters about everything that's happened since you got here, and said that they would like to meet you."

A cold shiver ran down Ryan's spine. He felt as though someone just asked him to jump out of a plane without a parachute. "Didn't I already meet one of them?"

"Briefly," She replied, "but they want to get to know you."

There was a moment of silence between the two.

Why do I have a feeling that this is going to end badly?

Author's Note

To be honest, I am not feeling too hot. Nausea like a motherfucker, my body is sore as fuck, it feels like someone is punching me repeatedly in my everywhere. Not to fear though, I'm still alive!
I might throw up in a little bit, but I'm still kickin' it.
Sorry for the delay, I had to get a fourth job so I can make a few extra bucks. Fucking state won't give me a medical card so I gotta do it the old fashioned way...It fucking sucks.
I know I shouldn't be working because of my little problem, but the state is literally ignoring my pleas and calls for help, so I'm on my own.
But, as always; If you enjoyed this chapter, slap that LIKE button like a bitch and feel free to leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

Royal Bullshittery

"Get the fuck outta the way!" Ryan shouted, honking his car horn to alert the surrounding ponies of his approach. He sped through Canterlot with the speed of a demon, his engine roaring as he flew by wave after wave of snobs with his middle finger raised up high for all to see.

Twilight had informed him earlier that day that the royal sisters wanted to meet him in person. He didn't really see the point of this since he already met one of them when he first arrived, but after she had also told him that the area was full of rich pricks, he saw this as a great excuse to let out some pent up fuckery.

So he convinced Twilight to hop in his car and they were off, him driving like a maniac while she was yelling the directions at him, along with the occasional 'Look out!' They faced a couple of close calls, but lucky, he managed to not hit anypony during the drive.

"How much further?" The human asked, keeping his eyes forward, his hands on the wheel, and the pedal to the floor.

"It should be just up ahead." She replied with a frightened look, her hand firmly grasping, what Ryan proudly called, the 'Oh Shit' handle.

Once a castle that stood nearly ten times the size of Twilight's drew close, Ryan managed to spot a number of guards lined up out front with spears raised above their heads. Obviously they were getting ready to attack the so called metal monster once it came within range. Any moron could tell you that twice.

Deciding that he wasn't quite fond with the idea of having a spear shoved in his throat, Ryan slammed him foot on the break, causing the vehicle to drift toward the body of guard ponies. The tires slid across the dirt like feet one a wet floor, but came to a stop before it could slam into anything, living or otherwise.

Twilight was the first to exit the vehicle, a sickly look etched across her face as she did her best to not throw up from the ride. Ryan exited with a child's grin plastered onto him, his face showing more joy than anything else.

Almost immediately once he had gotten out of the car, he was surrounded by guards, all with the pointed ends of their weapons aimed at his face. His smiled quickly faltered from this as he raised both hands in the air and tried to come up with something slick to say or do so he could get out of this little predicament.

Don't. Move. They can't see you if you don't move...

Ryan was just seconds away from yelling at the surrounding ponies, but as fate would have it, somepony was there to save his ass.

"It's alright everypony," Twilight said, most of the ill looking expression already having seeped out of her. "he's with me." The guards all nodded and lowered their weapons before separating into groups and going back to their stations.

Ryan lowered his arms with a relieved sigh, letting his whole body practically go limp. It wasn't every day you had the horse police ready to shank you at a moments notice. "Thanks, sweetheart. I owe you one."

The two then began the next part of their journey, walking through the seemingly endless corridors within the castle to find the princesses. As they walked by, every pony they came across bowed down to them. Despite knowing that this was mainly because of Twilight, Ryan had an intense urge to start barking orders at random.

Demand that one of them makes you a sandwich! Then convince Twilight to do the same if they don't listen to you.

"I'm not telling them to make you a sandwich." Twilight said, instantly smashing Ryan's Superego's desire into pieces.

Dammit!

Ryan couldn't help but laugh a bit at the banter between the two. He was starting to find their interactions more entertaining than his own with either of them.

Finally, after what felt like hours of roaming, they came across two large doors that opened on their own as they approached. They opened up to reveal a large, well decorated, room filled with guards. And, at the end of it all, two large thrones where the two alicorns that ruled over this land sat beside each other. Both were dressed in regal dresses with colors that matched their fur.

Ryan gave them a once over, taking note that both of them stood taller than him. The white horse specifically, stood at least half a foot taller while the blue one only stood about two inches taller than him.

Even in a world full of magical horses that stand on two legs...you are the short one.

Twilight did her best to stifle a laugh, keeping her attention on Celestia and Luna as they rose from their thrones and walked to meet them halfway.

Once they were within arms reach of each other both parties stopped, flashing welcoming and happy smiles to the other. Minus Ryan, who was staring blankly at the two taller mares, silently contemplating how to chop them both off at the kneecap and get away. He really didn't like tall people, to put it bluntly, they always made him feel...well, short!

Twilight dove at the two princesses, wrapping an arm around both and pulling them into a strong embrace, one that they eagerly returned. "It's so good to see you again." She said excitedly, releasing them from her hold.

"Always lovely to see you as well." The white horse said with a happy smile. "I trust you had a safe trip?"

Twilight blushed a bit, her happy smile soon turning into a nervous one, earning her a questioning gaze from the ruling sisters. "Yeah...sure..." Before anypony could say anything, Twilight jumped over to Ryan. "As you already know," She began, grabbing onto one of his arms, "this is my mate, Ryan."

"Howdy." He said plainly, watching as the two mares scanned him with their eyes.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you," Celestia started, placing a hand to her chest. "I am Princess Celestia, co-ruler of this great land." She held out a hand, offering to let Ryan shake it in response.

"Hi..." He said awkwardly, accepting her hand and giving it a firm shake. It wasn't so much this mare that made him uncomfortable. It was the other one. Something about her felt off.

"I am Princess Luna." The darker mare spoke, "We met briefly after your arrival."

"I know," He replied, "that memory's stuck to me like a bad fungus."

The surrounding ponies put on a disgusted face at his simile. Not exactly something they'd expect to hear for a first impression, but he is from a different world so the customs may not be very similar.

Twilight knew better though; she could tell that he was just trying to be funny in his own little way. It would have been a laugh-worthy remark to her if she weren't so nervous of what the princesses were going to think of him because of it.

Celestia shrugged off the comment and put her motherly smile back into place. "I've read so much about you in Twilight's reports. You sure are a fascinating individual."

Step One; Make them think you're weird. CHECK! Step Two; Beat the snot out of Twilight for telling them about you.

Twilight tugged on several of Ryan's hairs with her magic, knowing that it wouldn't bother him as much as it does his brain.

Ow!

"Yes," Luna cut in with a knowing smirk, "Twilight and yourself seem to be getting along pretty well."

A deep blush quickly spread across Twilight's features, while Ryan merely smiled at them. He was well-aware that Twilight had told them literally everything going on between them and would have only been surprised if they didn't insinuate about their sex life.

"You would know, wouldn't you." Ryan said, obviously insisting something suggestive toward the night princess. "Just how often do you read, and possibly re-read, about our intimate encounters?"

Now Luna was the one wearing a deep red blush. Being called out like that couldn't be more embarrassing; on top of that, how did he even know that she...He was playing her. He was playing her and she fell right into his trap. Another wave of embarrassment rushed over her as she realized that she had just fallen face first into the hole he dug for her.

Celestia was using everything in her power not to laugh at her sister. Luna had asked multiple times in the past if she could read through Twilight's reports, but never once did the idea of her enjoying them to that extent cross her mind. This human might just make her day far more entertaining.

Several Hours Later

The sun was down and the moon was high in the air. Throughout the day Celestia clung to Ryan like a barnacle, refusing to leave his side while Twilight and Luna were off discussing their relationship elsewhere. The agreement between the royal sisters was that they would both take a turn with either Twilight or Ryan and get as much a perspective on their relationship as they could.

Celestia had no complaints about Ryan. Granted, his humor could get pretty dark/suggestive, but other than that she couldn't see much of a problem with him at all. He and Twilight weren't exactly identical; Her student was usually more of an introvert, but the human was the exact opposite. As far as she was concerned, they were perfect for each other. Ryan could help Twilight to better come out of her shell, while Twilight helps him to settle down to a semi-civil pace.

However, the solar princesses time with him was up and now it was time to swap out. She left Ryan outside in the garden while she went off to find her sister.

Boredom quickly took hold of the lone human. His eyes started to scan the surrounding area. The castle was built in just such a way over here that he might be able to climb to the roof, but that would take a while. He settled on climbing anyway, deciding to only go up one or two stories.

With a bit of time and effort, Ryan was sitting upon a somewhat flat surface on the side of the castle, staring up at the night sky while propped up on his elbows.

"Enjoying yourself?"

Ryan let out a...less-than-manly yelp from the sudden vocalization. If he hadn't looked back to see Luna standing behind him he'd probably have leapt right off of the building. "Jesus Fuck, woman..."

Was that even a proper statement? It barely sounds like English when you say it out loud.

His mind paused as he started to notice something odd about the night princess. For starters, her regal dress was gone. She now donned an outfit that made her look like she belonged in some punk rock band. On her was a pair of black shorts, a tank top, vest, and leather gloves. She even had, what appeared to be, some kind of collar with a crescent moon medallion hanging off of it.

I am getting the weirdest sense of Deja Vu right now.

Something about the way she was dressed, combined with the playful look she was giving him seemed all too familiar, yet he couldn't figure out why. It was like she was in some distant memory of his that had been long forgotten.

The silence Ryan was subjecting Luna to was almost cancerous. He was just sitting there, staring at her like he was trying to remember the name of a friend he hadn't seen in a long time. She couldn't say much about it though; the moment she saw him in the hospital when he first arrived she couldn't help but feel like she had seen him somewhere before. Which is impossible, seeing how he is the first of his kind to enter Equestria. During her stay she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something she was missing, something she couldn't remember. It was driving her mad. Rather than stick around after he awoke, she chose to see him one last time before leaving so she could try to ease her overactive thoughts.

Ryan shook his head a bit, the situation was becoming awkward. His focus went back to her necklace. He smiled and reached up to his chest, gripping the neck of his shirt.

"I used to have something like that..." He said, finally breaking the silence.

Luna cocked her head slightly, giving him a questioning gaze.

"Like what?" She asked, taking a seat beside him.

He pointed to her necklace. "Like that." He began, "Back in my world I made one of those. Granted, it was a bit bigger. But, I never took the damn thing off."

Luna mentally picture him with a much larger crescent moon hanging from his neck. Unlike hers, the one he was wearing was larger and black. She wasn't sure why her mind had made those changes to it, but it looked fitting...It looked like it belonged there. "Why aren't you wearing it now?"

A look of disappointment took over Ryan's face as he looked up at the moon. "I lost it."

Her curiosity only grew with every word he spoke. "How?"

He thought back to that dreadful night, it seemed like it happened only yesterday...

"I'll stop running when you stop being a cunt-odactyl!" Ryan shouted, running as fast as his legs could carry him.

As he ran the woman behind him fired two shots in his direction, intentionally missing. "I said freeze, dirt-bag!"

"And I said fuck you, bitch!" He shouted to her before finally coming up on a clearing and being forced to stop. "Holy shit!" He shouted, stopping just short of a cliff. He leaned forward to see if there was a way down, but sadly that trip would be very muddy and likely lead to a few hundred foot swan-dive straight into the raging waters below.

Damn...That would have sucked.

The woman behind him came to a halt, holding her gun up only a few feet from his head. "Hands up, now!" She demanded, taking an internal sigh of relief when he actually complied. She walked up behind him, grabbing a set of hand cuffs strapped to her side. "I told you I'd catch you, Ryan. You can't run away from me forever."

"It wasn't you I was running from, it was the death-sentence. But, seeing how I'm a little fucked right now, how about you do me a solid and just pull the trigger." He said as his eyes scanned the area for anything he could use to escape.

"Sorry, buddy," She started, grabbing one of his hands and pulling it behind his back, "but I'd rather watch you suffer. I know the needle of death thing doesn't scare you, but just the fact that you've finally lost is enough to get me off. And I plan to ride it out for as long as I can."

Don't do it.

Ryan took one last glance at the edge of the cliff. "Sorry sweetheart, but I never lose." He quickly used his free arm to elbow the woman behind him, breaking her nose the second he made contact.

Don't do it!

The woman stumbled and took a step back, giving her almost-prisoner more than enough of a chance to execute his plan of escape. The only part that sucked about it was that if it didn't kill him, it was gonna hurt a lot.

Goddammit!

Once he knew he was free from her grip he took a few steps forward and jumped, letting gravity do the work for him. He looked down and stared at the fast approaching waves beneath him and closed his eyes.

Ryan's body hit the water with a loud smack.

"A group of fishermen saw me fall in the water, and that crazy bitch right after me." Ryan continued as Luna stared at him in awe, taking in every detail of the story. "I survived, somehow; She wasn't so lucky." He paused, reaching up at the empty space on his neck again. "It wasn't on my neck when they pulled me out. It must have fallen off when I hit the water. I made it out of sheet metal, so it's likely sitting somewhere at the bottom. I felt strangely empty after I lost it, so I got a tattoo to help take my mind off of it."

"That's quite a story. " She commented, unable to help feeling as though she had heard it before. "I can only assume that you have some sort of infatuation with the moon." A small blush worked its way across her face as she said this. "I don't see any other reason to wear something like that otherwise."

"Infatuation?" Ryan said, sounding almost as if he had been insulted. "Sweetheart, obsessed would be more appropriate, if not an understatement." He stared up at the moon, taking in what he could of it. "When I was younger, I always felt like I had some weird connection to it. I would go outside and stare at it for hours..."

Luna's blush deepened. It wasn't often she met somepony-er-someone who appreciated the night to such an extent. A strange emptiness made itself present in her chest. Like something in her heart was missing and crying out to be filled.

"But that was a while ago," He began, "I've changed a lot since then. I stopped acting like a 'complete' moron and started doing things that I knew would help me. I even stopped obsessing over the moon so much. I still think it's one of the, if not, the most beautiful thing to exist, but I'm not as weird about it as I once was."

This was becoming far too strange for Luna. The way he spoke, the way he acted, how he loved the moon! Something just didn't seem right. It was like a mistake had been made somewhere and she had no idea how to correct it, or even what that mistake was. As much as she wanted to keep sitting here and talking to him, she couldn't. Her mind was turning into a puddle of confusing emotions and she needed to get away to think.

"I think it's time we all went to bed." She suggested, trying to separate herself from Ryan in a way that didn't seem rushed or random. "It's getting late and we still have much to discuss."

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "Alright, fine. You go on, I'll find my way down."

Luna nodded and flew off to a nearby balcony, leaving Ryan on the roof with nothing but his thoughts.

Is it just me, or does something feel...I don't know...Out of place?

Author's Note

Sorry for the wait, I've been pretty sick for a good while now and I'm not getting any better. Every day is like a small hell now and it fucking sucks.

Oh well. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. If you did, slap that LIKE button like a bitch ad feel free to leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

My Girl

This was probably the strangest dream Ryan has ever had in his entire life. He couldn't remember a majority of them, but he knew that none of them were ever good. There were no happy endings, there was no sense of peace, and he usually never lived for more than a few minutes at a time. That's what made this one stand out so much.

Clearly he was asleep, he could tell by the small distortions of the area around him. The grass was blood red, the trees were burned and twisted at odd angles, and the sky looked as though the sun was a billion times closer than it should have been. He could hear the roar of the flames above him as they erupted in every direction. He inspected himself to find his body coated in a dark red liquid that dripped down into the discolored grass beneath him.

He looked down and took a step, causing the ground beneath him to turn black. It was like there was a strange darkness seeping out of him and everything it touched started to fade away.

In fact, everything seemed to darken overall. The fiery mass above him started to deplete, making way for a beautiful night sky. The raging inferno continued to seep away until it was nothing more than a bright white orb in the sky. The grass shifted to it's normal green color, but was difficult to see due to the lack of lighting. All of the trees began mending themselves, becoming rich with life again. The liquid coating his body evaporated into a thick steam that floated into the sky and blew away by a gentle breeze.

Ryan blinked once, then twice, then thrice. "...What the fuck was that all about?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

Ryan screamed once again at the familiar feminine voice, his body shooting around to find Luna standing behind him with an awkward look on her face. "Okay, they really need to put a fucking bell on you!"

Luna crossed her arms, giving Ryan a serious look. "We need to talk."

Judging from her expression, he wasn't going to weasel out of whatever she had in store for him. That and she seemed to have some kind of control over his dreams. According to Twilight, Luna could take over the dreams of ponies. She did this to help them, apparently. He was hoping that she wouldn't be able to do the same to his...so much for that.

"Okay..." He simply replied, mentally kicking himself while doing so.

Suddenly, the area around them started to distort, fading away to something that Ryan found to be strangely familiar. He was in Canterlot, standing outside on top of a roof.

He glanced back at Luna with a questioning haze. "Uh...I don't get it."

The night princess took a few steps toward Ryan, "I want you to look around for a moment." She began, a look of nostalgia beginning to form on her face. "Look around and tell me the first thing that comes to your mind."

Ryan was confused, clearly. What was this mare's angle? What was she trying to prove? Regardless of what it was, he obeyed and scanned the area with his eyes. For some reason, he started to feel a little energetic. He felt excited. A wide grin spread across his face as he looked over at a nearby rooftop.

Without even thinking, Ryan took off. Running at a full sprint to the edge of the building and leaping with a determined grunt escaping his throat. "Loosen the legs," He said to himself, "tighten the chest, prepare for landing." Ryan landed on a slightly smaller building's roof; waiting for his feet to hit solid ground before letting his body fall and roll to lessen the impact. He was breathing heavily once he had forced his body back to a standing position

Ryan was smiling like a loon, feeling as though he were an old man that had been taken back to a childhood memory to relive it all over again. He looked up a the alicorn still standing on the other roof. "Come on, little miss bad girl. What, am I too much for you to...keep up with..."

He paused, those words having left his lips as if they were rehearsed. A sharp pain in his head made itself known, causing him to let out a distressed grunt and cradle his forehead in his palm. Luna flew down from the other rooftop, landing less than a foot away from the suffering human.

"We're not done yet." She said in an ominous tone.

"I don't..." Ryan began, finding it difficult to speak with the obnoxious ringing in his ears. "I don't understand." He finished, feeling a trickling sensation on his lip. He forced himself to ignore the pain in his head long enough to place a hand to his face. Once he removed it he found a small stream of blood run down his fingers. "What the fuck?"

The scenery distorted again and Ryan soon found himself in some kind of cave. In front of him was a large congregation of strange, bug-like, creatures that were staring at him with unsettling grins. He turned his head to see some kind of corridor, one that a much smaller version on these things was standing in.

It locked eyes with his, fear clearly filling her own. He didn't know how he knew that she was female, but he did. Something was building up in him, a rage that he couldn't control. He felt as though he cared deeply for this thing and wanted nothing more than to protect it. He watched as she took off and turned his head back to the group. In the back was one that stood much taller than the others. She stood nearly seven feet tall and had the most twisted grin on her face.

A severe pain shot through Ryan's skull, causing him to reach his hands up and burry his fingers into his head. It felt like hundreds of small razors were burrowing their way into him. The sensation sent wave after wave of blood to his brain. He could feel his pulse in his eye sockets as several blood vessels started to pop, leaving the white in his eyes red as they filled with blood. The pain passed and he looked up at the group of Changelings surrounding him, as well as the smiling queen.

A disturbing grin graced his features. "I'm gonna kill each and every one of you." He spoke with an unnatural growl in his voice. "I'm gonna rip off your skin, wrap it around my dick, AND FUCK YOUR QUEEN WITH IT!!!"

They recoiled at this and before they knew it, the human was charging at them, screaming like a maniac. He grabbed the nearest one by the throat, lifting it above his head before slamming it to the ground with enough force to snap its neck with a loud crack.

After that, they were upon him. One after the other, changelings started to swarm the human. He reacted quickly, teeth bared, fists swinging, all while roaring like some kind of animal. Each bug he got ahold of was either knocked down, knocked out, or bleeding out. At one point he even bit out one's jugular.

The queen actually started to worry, he was taking on her subjects like they were nothing. Her horn charged, shining with a bright green color as she shot a beam of magic at him. It struck his shoulder, but that only seemed to make him angrier and even lock his sights onto her.

Ryan charged at her, plowing through the wall of changeling guards. He jumped into the air, reaching out and grabbing Chrysalis' horn in his hand as he knee launched into her skull. Her horn snapped off from the impact, causing her to let out a blood curdling scream. When he landed his body jerked around, only to see that the queen had vanished. However, the others were still here.

He gazed at the severed horn in his hand with a newfound interest. It wasn't long before another changeling charged him, sadly only to be met with Ryan's new weapon. He thrust the horn upward, puncturing the creatures jaw and burying it into its head.

Time stopped and his rage subsided, the bloodbath before him melted away into nothingness and he was left staring with wide eyes at the surrounding darkness.

He panicked and started running, the area changing once more and putting him in some kind of forest. He sprinted as fast as he could, dodging tree after tree and soon came upon a small clearing where a creek rested in front of him. Ryan's eyes quickly scanned the area for a way around or otherwise. He spotted a low hanging branch near the center of the creek and picked up speed. He leaped up and grabbed the branch, using it to propel his body forward. Once he let go his body flew right over the clear waters below and he landed on the other side. with ease.

Ryan stopped, he had the strangest feeling that something was going happen. He turned around to see Luna running behind him.

"Luna, wait!" He yelled, but it was too late. She leaped up and grabbed the branch, only for it to break and send her plummeting toward the water.

Ryan quickly reached out and grabbed Luna by the arm, yanking her the rest of the way over so she wouldn't land in the creek. He stumbled in the process and collapsed on top of her.

There was a brief silence, the only sound coming from either of them being the sound of their heavy breathing. Luna looked up at Ryan, and he looked down at her, both smiling at the other.

Ryan laughed a bit, "Fuck, that was close one."

"You're telling me." Luna replied, "I'm the one who almost fell in."

His smile didn't falter as he stared down at her with loving eyes.

Are you just gonna lay here with your thumb up your ass? Kiss the girl, you faggot!

Ryan's smile vanished, something was wrong. "No...No that's not how this happened." He said, feeling as though he knew how this should have played out. "You were supposed to fall in. You did fall in. I even jumped in after you. I-" He stopped, the pain from before returning tenfold. The ringing in his ears was nearly deafening. He placed a hand to his face to discover that his nose was bleeding again. He looked back down at Luna, who was now giving him a serious look. "What's happening?"

"These are things that have already happened, but at the same time, they haven't." Luna explained, "What I am showing you are memories, your memories. Memories of events that could have been."

This was starting to get too weird for the human. He picked himself up off of Luna and climbed back to his feet, doing everything he could to kill the piercing pain in his head. "Fuck...make it stop!"

Luna materialized in front of him, placing her hands on his shoulders. "These were events that should have happened."

"H-how do you...know?" He managed to ask in a strained voice before pulling away from her.

"Magic." She simply replied. "After we met on the roof, I couldn't help but feel as though you weren't where you were supposed to be; That I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I found a spell that allowed me to look into the past and see what should have been."

Ryan gave her an odd look, but couldn't say anything. "You weren't meant to come to this world when you did. You weren't meant to find love with Twilight." She moved closer to him, taking his hand in hers. "You were supposed to find it with me..."

On one half of his mind, he wanted to call bullshit. This was clearly some kind of mind game she was playing! But, on the other half, he believed her. Time somehow changed and he wanted her more than anything. Being stuck in this conflicted state, he didn't noticed when Luna had grabbed him by the head and locked her lips with his.

His eyes widened for a moment, but as she kissed him, the ringing stopped. He felt at peace, like everything was how it was supposed to be. He leaned into the lunar mare, deepening their oral embrace.

It wasn't long before their tongues started fighting for control over the other. The growing intensity of their make out was already sparking their arousal. Ryan felt a strange sense dominance take him over, making him push Luna up against a nearby tree. He broke the kiss and started biting and licking up her neck, causing her to let out a pleased gasp.

Luna tried to contain herself, but her urges were flying through the roof. She wanted him, she craved him. With little to no effort, the alicorn forced Ryan to the ground, pinning him in place as she straddled his waist and forced her lips against his once again, only breaking it when she grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head. Even though she could have easily made it vanish, what with this being a dream and all, half of the fun is being able to undress your partner.

Stop

In Ryan's eyes, this bitch had just issued him a challenge. As fun as having her dominating him would be, he never backs down from a challenge. In the blink of and eye he had managed to turn the tables, grabbing Luna by the waist and forcing them to roll. Once he was on top he grabbed hold of her small shirt and tore it in half, her bra tearing along with it.

Snap out of it!

It wasn't long before he buried his face into Luna's magnificent breasts, placing his mouth over one of her nipples and biting down on it and he grinded his hardened member against the wet spot forming in her shorts. She was moaning loudly at his assault, further encouraging him to increase his efforts to tease her.

Hey, Fuckwit! Think about what you're doing!

It took all of his willpower, but Ryan eventually forced himself to stop and shot back to his feet, glaring daggers at Luna. "No! I-I can't. I'm with Twilight, for fuck sake!"

Luna stared at Ryan with pleading eyes, soon rising to her feet and making her way over to him, "But you were supposed to be with me. You saw it yourself."

"I was not!" He yelled bluntly, "If I was, then I'd already be with you. Yes, I saw it; I saw what could have happened, but it didn't! None of that happened. If you and I were really meant for each other, then don't you think that's how things would have played out!?"

She paused, frozen with shame. He was right; As much as she wanted it to, none of it happened. It was all stuff that she saw as right, but in reality it wasn't. As she reflected on what she was forcing him to go through and she couldn't help but feel like she was trying to steal him from Twilight. A pit started to grow in her stomach as she continued to realize what she was doing. Her eyes started to water and she fell to her knees.

"What have I done?" Luna asked herself, the ever so familiar feeling of loneliness taking over her mind. "I just...I feel so alone." She said between sobs, "I saw you and...I saw everything...I just wanted to feel loved...Why can't I do anything right!?"

Her crying continued for about half a minute, only to stop as she found herself being pulled into the human's naked chest. His arms wrapped around her back and pulled her deeper into him. The faintest smile graced her features as she returned the embrace, holding him as one would hold a dying relative, knowing that this could be the last embrace they share.

Ryan kept a tight grip on the Lunar princess, knowing very well what she was going through. "It's okay, you're not alone. You have your friends, you have your family." He began, "I understand that it sucks to not have someone to call our own; Believe me, I lived that life for a long time. I know how it feels to be alone, wanting nothing more then for someone out there to give a damn about you." He broke the hug and placed a hand against Luna's cheek, wiping a tear away with his thumb. "But you've gotta open your eyes. You're not alone. You're surrounded by people who care about you; your sister, Twilight, her friends, your subjects; They all love you. There's only thing left that your missing." Luna didn't say a word, she just looked at him, waiting. "You need to learn how to love yourself."

Finally, a real smile spread across Luna's face. She leaned back, pulling away from Ryan and wiping her face dry with her arms. "You're fairly wise for someone your age. Perhaps a bit more than myself."

Ryan shrugged, "Yeah, I get that from time to time."

The mare laughed a bit, finding his somewhat cocky attitude kind of funny, if not adorable. "I'm terribly sorry for all of this...could you ever forgive me?"

"Don't worry about it." Ryan said in a plain tone. "I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing if I were in your shoes." His words only continued to make Luna feel better. Then his expression turned into serious, as well as slightly cautious. "Also, we probably shouldn't bring this up to anybody...Like, ever."

Luna smiled nervously, "Yes, I think that would be best." She took one last look around, taking in the small memory that never existed. After she was satisfied, she decided that it was time to put an end to all of this. "I think that we've outlived this dream."

"I would say so." With that, Ryan got back up and held out a hand to pull Luna back up as well.

She gave him one last smile as her horn started to glow. "Shall I see you tomorrow for breakfast?"

"Will there be bacon?"

"I think I can have it arranged."

"Then yes!" Just as Luna was about to end the dream, Ryan's loud mouth had one more comment. "By the way; A plus on those double D's sweetheart."

Luna gave him a suggestive grin as she looked down at her breasts and gave them a good squeeze. "Well, they're here if you ever change your mind."

There was a bright flash and Ryan found himself laying face down in a pillow. With a bit of grumbling he lifted his upper body with his arms and looked to the side. He saw a closed window that revealed to him that it was still pretty dark out. Glancing a bit lower he found an empty bed space and pillow...a pillow covered in dry blood.

He started to pick up on the sound of someone panting just beneath him and turned his head down to see Twilight staring up at him with a look of lust in her eyes.

"Why did you stop?" She asked almost desperately.

Ryan smiled, letting out a soft laugh before he planted a passionate kiss on her lips. "I hope you know just how much I love you."

"Where did that come from?" Twilight asked playfully, smiling back at him.

His face went stoic and expressionless. "Me..." He said in a mocking tone. "It came out of my mouth..."

She rolled her eyes and pulled him against her, "Just fuck me already."

That's my girl!

Author's Note

First off, I'm feeling much better. I'm not quite 100%, but I'm getting there. Had a brief period where my whole body kind of shut down...for about 6+ hours. But, I'm fine! I'm okay, I'm alive. Scared me shitless for a little bit, but I pulled through.

I know this chapter got really weird, but I'm hoping I played it off well. Also, I feel like this song is very fitting for the ending. So feel free to go back and read the last part while its playing.

AND, if you enjoyed this chapter, slap that like button like a bitch and share it with your friends. Also, feel free to leave a comment below, comments make me feel special :P

Optional- Read this s**t!

Author's Note

Decided to get this out early. I'm kind of rushing to get through a lot, I have too much going on. I'm sorry for fucking the schedule, but it needed to be finished now! Otherwise you likely wouldn't see it for another month or so.

Optional- Read this s**t!

REDMAMBA: Twilight, stupidest thing your mate dragged you into? Either literal or convinced willingly?

Twilight lifted her head from her book, taking off her glasses and placing a finger to her chin as she sat in a cozy brown recliner. She let dozens, if not hundreds, of thoughts and memories course through her head as she tried to shuffle out which of her adventures with Ryan would be dubbed the 'stupidest'.

"Honestly," She began, feeling a little undecided. "there have been a lot of thing that Ryan has dragged me into, both literally and figuratively...Mostly literally, that haven't been as well-thought out as they should've."

A soft smile worked its way to her face as she recalled the many times he had grabbed her by the arm and simply said, 'We gotta go!' as he pulled her off to Celestia knows where. "But, if I had to choose one; I would say that one of the stupidest things Ryan has gotten me involved in, was when he got drunk and was dared to wrestle an alligator...and I fell into the lake trying to stop him."

Twilight shuddered at the memory, remembering how scared she was when she fell into the water. Luckily, Ryan came to the rescue. Diving onto the beast and punching it, only for it to roll over and start thrashing him around like a ragdoll. "He nearly lost one of his arms that day." She finished in an unsettled tone.

A much deeper voice could be heard chuckling in the background. "That was fucking great...hurt like a bitch, but it was fucking hysterical!"

stephen51991- Twilight and Ryan: What's the top three kinkiest things you've ever done?

Twilight blushed at this question, her head shooting over to Ryan, who was laying on the floor, using his hands as a make-shift pillow. She was extremely uncomfortable with what was being asked, but knew he would spit it out in a heartbeat. Her horn started to glow as she tried to silence him, but her magic was dispersed with a flick of his wrist.

"When you've been around as long as we have..." Ryan began.

"Please don't..." Twilight pleaded, her expression showing just how embarrassed she was.

"You tend to try a lot of things to keep sex interesting." He continued, causing Twilight burry her face in her palms as her face turned beat red. Ryan laughed at this, deciding he had tortured her enough. "Okay, I'm not going to go into too much detail, for my mare's sake. But, I think our top three would have to be: Bondage, that's a favorite. Domination, believe it or not, Twilight really enjoys being in charge." The human's head angled itself to his alicorn mate, "Aint that right, mistress?"

Twilight, keeping hear face hidden, scooted her body further into the chair, almost as if to merge with it so she could remain hidden forever.

Ryan laughed, "And last, but not least..."

GameAssassin: Twi and Ryan: Have you done anal???

A sly grin spread across Ryan's face. Twilight, on the other hand, merely curled up into a ball and squeaked in misery as she attempted to force herself deeper into the chair.

CaioCoia: Spike what happened to you after you saw your sister with Ryan having brutal sex? Because that was the last time we saw you. I hope you asked him to teach you how to make your mare happy in the bed if you want to do that with somepony you like.

Spike let out a sigh, doing his best to fight back the memories of watching Twilight getting plowed on the castle floor. This was an event that left him pretty conflicted with how he should feel about the human. On one hand he was basically violating her, but on the other, she was enjoying it more than anything in the world.

He raised a claw to scratch at his head as he pondered how to answer. "Well...After seeing it happen, I kind of secluded myself for a bit. I mean, it wasn't something I was expecting to see while I was trying to clean under the tables. While I'm not particularly happy about it, I can't say I'm really mad. As long as Twilight's happy, right?"

"As for not seeing me, that goes mainly to the fact that I felt really uncomfortable being around either of them for more than a few minutes." He explained, "Kind of hard to look somepony in the eye when all you see is them being rutted in your home."

He took a moment of silence to himself before continuing. "And, I guess if it came down to it, I could always ask Ryan how everything works. You know, for when Rarity finally falls for me." He said commented with a cocky smile. "He is basically my brother-in-law, so it's not too weird...is it?"

Tethered-Angel: Rarity, did Ryan let you design his wedding outfit.

"No, he didn't!" She answered loudly from her boutique, sounding pretty pissed about the situation. "I offered, time and time again, but he refused to let me make him a the most dapper tuxedo for their wedding."

Rarity levitated a dart up to her hand and took aim, "Seriously, it's a wedding, you're supposed to look stunning! Not like you went over to GoodPone and bought the cheapest suit you could throw together in pieces."

She threw the dart, burying its tip into a photo on the wall. In this photo, Ryan and Twilight stood sided by side, flashing goofy faces at the camera. Despite the distance, the mare was able to hit Ryan directly in the forehead before crossing her arms and huffing at no pony in particular. "Jerk..."

Tethered-Angel: Ryan and Twilight; Have you ever tried to convince anyone to join you in a threesome?

This question happened to come up at dinner, while the two were sitting in a rather romantic setting. The table was decorated with a red cloth and covered with candles and a small bouquet of roses in the center. They sat across from each other, both dressed up in a way that could appeal to the other.

Ryan donned a pair of black slacks and a white dress shirt that had its sleeves rolled up and a majority of its buttons undone. On top of that, his hair was styled in a way that looked kempt, but still spikey and rigid.

Twilight wore a thin black dress with a neck line that cut all the way down to her slim stomach. Her hair was tied back in a pony tail that Ryan couldn't help but find attractive. In his eyes it kind of gave her that sexy librarian look.

The two gazed at each other with sultry looks as the human poured his mare a glass of red wine and handed it off to her before pouring one for himself.

Just as they were about to take a sip, Ryan glanced up, noticing the floating text above his head. He let out an annoyed sigh and set down his glass, Twilight soon following suit as she followed his eyes and spotted it as well.

"God dammit..." Ryan began, closing his eyes and pressing his index finger and thumb into them. "No, we have not convinced anyone to join us for a threesome."

"Nor do we want to." Twilight added. "Ryan and I are perfectly happy with just each other and have more than enough ways to keep our sex life interesting without adding other ponies." She explained with a hint of venom in her voice. "Now, if you'll excuse us..."

The couple went back to their previous arrangement, gazing into each other eyes and sharing a look of arousal. They each picked up their individual wine glasses and clicked them against each other before sipping from them.

Cloud Dawn: Ryan, did you ever dream of fucking Luna? Even though you are with twilight I wouldn't be surprised.

Ryan spit out what wine he had in his mouth, choking on the alcoholic beverage; and luckily managing to not hit Twilight. He coughed several times to clear his throat and lung of the fluid as Twilight got up from her seat and ran to his aid. "Are you okay?"

He felt her patting his back but waved a dismissive arm at her, "I'm fine, I'm fine." After his coughing fit had ended, he focused back to the text. "What kind of fucking question is that?"

Well it's not like we haven't.

Twilight's eyes went wide, her body freezing in place for a brief second before her head slowly turned toward Ryan. "Excuse me?" She growled at him.

Fuck, I forgot she could hear me!

"Uhh..." Ryan quickly grabbed his wine glass, splashing what was left of it onto Twilight's face and bolting out of the room, all while making some kind of strange noise that she couldn't identify.

Vinyldropsthebase: Ryan did you ever officially apologize to granny? I know Twilight should have made you.

Twilight let out a rather annoyed sigh, wiping the liquid from her face as the next text arrived. "No, he hasn't. One of the many things I'm still working on is getting him to start apologizing for his actions." She explained grumpily. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a very naughty pet to reprimand."

GameAssassin: Masquerade, where are you now and what have you been doing?

The blue haired mare looked up from the counter in her kitchen. At first she was cutting vegetables for a salad she was preparing, now she was looking up at a floating text just above her head. Obviously, confusion started setting in rather quickly. Rather than question it, however, she figured it would be easier to satisfy whatever was trying to communicate with her as quickly as possible.

"I'm fine..." She stated, feeling rather uncomfortable with this whole situation. "I'm at home, getting ready for a small get-together with my family."

Skye787: Uhhh you've been taking a lot of punishment lately. You okay gran-gran?

"Now what in Equestria is that about?" Granny Smith asked to no one in particular, her eyes locked onto the text above her as she sat outside in a rocking chair.

Applejack walked out of the house, Howdy, Gran-" She let out a pained yelp as her head collided with the floating text. "What in tarnation?" She asked, looking over what she had run into. "Oh, it's one of those things. Twilight said something about weird questions popping up at random."

"She did, did she?" Granny smith inquired. "Well, I certainly don't see the harm in answering 'em." She looked over the text to re-read it, already having forgotten what it said earlier.

The old mare smiled and leaned back in her chair, "Oh, don't you go worryin about me. I may be old, but I can handle myself."

"She sure as sugar can." Applejack added with a proud smile. "Granny Smith is tougher than an apple tree. It'll take a lot more than a few projectiles to take her down."

The word 'punishment' in the text started to flicker like a bad lightbulb, even buzzing a few times as it struggled to stay as it was. Eventually it gave out, going dim and even falling from the air and landing on the elderly pony beneath it.

GameAssassin: Luna, how have things been for you after your confrontation with Ryan?

Luna shifted her vision from the paperwork that had slaughtered her desk, using her hands to rub her temples in an attempt to kill a rather painful headache. Her sights moved up a bit, allowing her to see the question being asked, as well as the avatar of a small blue horse with an ethereal mane and her cutie mark.

"Is that me as a horse?" She asked, confused at first, but soon finding herself smiling. "I look so cute." She said with a small laugh before glancing down at her paperwork and using her magic to make it vanish into thin air.

Having experience with otherworldly phenomenon, Luna knew very well what was going on and was more than happy to oblige with an answer. "Things have been well since my meeting with Ryan. In his short amount of time here, he actually taught me a lot on loving one's self and appreciating who you are. I'd like to say I'm not the same mare I used to be, but even I know that a transformation like that takes time."

"I would love to meet him in person again, but he doesn't have many reasons to come by." Luna explained, her eyes quickly scanning the room to make sure no pony was near. "But, I have visited him in a few of his dreams and...well, let's just say that I indulged myself a bit." She added with a cutesy smile and blush.

"Oh really?" Luna jumped slightly as the door to her office opened, revealing a not-so-pleased looking Twilight on the other side.

Luna let out a nervous chuckle as she stared at the very displeased alicorn standing just a few feet from her. She glanced to the sides again, her horn quickly lighting up and sending a whirlpool of paperwork in Twilight's direction.

Twilight yelped and collapsed as she was tackled by the seemingly never ending tidal wave of paper, allowing the lunar princess more than enough time to take flight and smash through a nearby window that led outside.

Questions for the author

GameAssassin: How are you doing bro? Don't want you kicking the bucket anytime soon. Your too hilarious to die yet!! Also what do you have planed for the near future? Any thoughts on digging out bad hero's corpse and reviving it? As well as next perfect mate installment?

Lord_Evil: I'm still breathing, motherfucker; So I'm doing pretty good. Not quite 100%, but I'll get there in time. As for my plans, I would like to play around with The Bad Hero again. I can't say it will be fast or on a schedule, but I will dabble. I would like to get another story that I've had hidden for a while out, but I'm still debating that. I'm also not quite sure when I will be releasing The Perfect Mate; Celestial Trials, as that is also still in the works and I'm still trying to touch base with it. So at this point, everything is a gigantic fucking question mark.

Crystal Static: Why was the ending so rushed?

Lord_Evil: Was it really that obvious? Yeah, it probably was. Anyway, it was rushed because there are several things that I'm on a schedule for so I wanted to get it done and out of the way as soon as possible. I know it messes with the natural flow of the story when you do that, but all I could have done at that point was make it look as decent as possible or end up not doing jack-dick with it for the next month or so because I'm rushing to get shit done.

I Saw You In The Rain

Author's Note

Welcome, douchebags and ass-mongers, to the heavily anticipated sequel to The Perfect Mate I realize that a lot of people might not like the decision I've made with the main character and how I decided to make this story and basically pretend like the last one didn't exist, but I couldn't help myself. I wasn't ready to give up Ryan, but I was definitely ready to be done with the first story.

Regardless, I hope you will all give it a chance and learn to love it as you did with the original. I hope that I can get close to as many people to follow this as I did with the original, but I don't expect it.

With that being said, let's get started and if you like this story, share it with your friends and feel free to leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special. :P

LET'S DO IT!!!

I Saw You In The Rain

Twilight has spent day after day doing nothing but reading one particular book in her bedroom. She never leaves her room, she just sits and analyzes each page, occasionally calling for her assistant to bring her food every now and again. Her recent, almost obsessive, behavior brought her assistant a great amount of discomfort.

Spike would sit outside for hours trying to listen in to find out what has been holding her up for so long. He wanted to find out why she was so interested in this book. Since the first day she showed up with it she's just locked herself away to read it in peace. Alas, he has yet to hear a peep from her unless she is specifically requesting his service. This was very worrisome for the young dragon. The mare who he basically considered his sister had become a complete shut in. He had to do something about it.

After a bit of wandering he managed to find all of their friends, at least the ones that were connected to Twilight through the elements, and inform them of the situation.

They had all noticed that Twilight didn't seem to be out and about, but naturally assumed that she was doing work for the princesses or following up on her own royal duties. Once spike explained the issue though, they became concerned and followed him back to the castle.

The group gathered around her bedroom door and knocked several times, but received no answer. Following Spike's example, they pressed their ears to the door. They could hear the unmistakable sound of pages being flipped from a book. Clearly she was in there and locked into one of her heavy reading trances.

Rarity became the first one to break the silence, but spoke in a whisper. "How long has she been like this?" She asked Twilight's number one assistant.

Spike shrugged, showing a level of uncertainty. "I'm not completely sure, but if I had to guess; About three weeks now."

"THREE WEEKS!?" They shouted to the dragon in unison.

"Um...yeah?"

"You waited three weeks to tell us something like this!?" Rainbow piped up, her loyal demeanor kicking in with an aggressive tone.

"I-I didn't know what to do!" Spike said with a hint of panic in his voice and features. "She just sits in there and won't say anything. The only time she really talks is when she wants something. So I go and get what she wants, bring it back to her, then she just tunes back out. I didn't know what to do!"

Spike looked like he was on the verge of tears. The saddened expression on his face tugged painfully at the heartstrings of the surrounding ponies.

Fluttershy got down on to her knees so that she was almost level with spike. She placed her hands on either of his cheeks and began wiping the wetness from his eyes with her thumbs. "It's okay spike." She said in that soft, calming voice of hers. "It's not your fault. Rainbow Dash is just concerned, she didn't mean to make it sound like she was blaming you."

The yellow mare turned her head to the rainbow maned Pegasus, giving her a look that sent chills down her spine. "Right, Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow Dash smiled nervously and rubbed the back of her neck. "Yes, of course! Sorry, Spike."

Fluttershy smiled and went back to comforting Spike. Rainbow took a breath to recompose herself, only to notice the smug stares of her friends, complete with beyond shit eating grins practically carved into their faces.

Before another word could be exchanged between them, a strange noise began to echo through the halls. It was hard to identify as it sounded like a scooter sliding its wheels across the floor, only this was much louder. The sound of some kind of horn going off followed. Then sound of Twilight screaming soon caught their attention.

Seconds later a strange creature broke through the bedroom door, coming out into the hallway. The force was enough to knock the mare's back a few feet as a large metal beast flipped into the corridor, rolling several times with a loud bang each time it struck the floor. When it finally came to a stop halfway down the hall it rested on its back.

After pulling themselves back up and making sure everypony was okay and not hurt too badly, they turned their attention to whatever it was that had nearly crushed them.

Nopony could utter a word about it, it was unlike anything they had ever seen. It was large, and very long. It's skin was black and reflective. On it's front were a pair of eyes that were giving off some sort of light. An awkwardly positioned mouth over top of these eyes was exhaling a continuous stream of some kind of smoke while simultaneously making an odd hissing sound. Several chunks of it's body were beaten, scratched, and had even fallen off and scattered themselves about the hall.

Twilight ran out of her room for the first time in weeks, moving directly for the creature that had just torn itself apart and made a mess of everything in its wake. A look of fear, determination, and shock filled her face as she charged after it, only to be stopped by one of her friends.

"Hold on there, partner!" Applejack shouted as she grabbed Twilight to keep her from going any closer to whatever it was. "Don't get too close to that thing. It could be dangerous."

"It's not dangerous!" Twilight snapped, making her friends flinch as she tugged her way out of the farm pony's grasp. "It's in trouble. We have to help him!"

She ran over to the metallic monstrosity, dropping down to a window-like structure on its side. Peeking in, she could just barely make out a form inside of it. Her eyes squinted as she tried to get a better look.

Suddenly it's head turned, causing Twilight to shriek and jump back a few steps. Her fear, as well as her friends', only seemed to grow by the second as a fist broke away the glass from the inside.

The fist uncurled, revealing itself as a simple hand, but different. It was devoid of any kind of fur and moving about as if it were reaching for something. A voice picked up from behind it, but they couldn't seem to make out what it had said before it fell completely limp.

"Ryan!"

Ryan was suddenly pulled out of his daydream as someone called his name. If you ask him though, it was hardly a daydream. It was nearly two in morning and he had been driving for what felt like hours. He and his friend Roland were on their way home from a job site. Being a temp construction worker sucks!

He turned his head to the passenger side of the car to see his friend glaring at him. His dark skin made it hard to see at this time of night, which he had commented on several times in the past. This usually led to him being called racist, then retorting, and eventually ended in a small field of laughter between the two.

Roland really liked Ryan, they had been friends since they met in Chicago Behavioral Hospital. However, his buddy's mind seemed to escape him a little too easily sometimes. "You really gotta stop zoning out like that man, you're gonna get hurt doin that shit."

Ryan playfully huffed at his comment. "Calm down, I'll be fine. This is normal for me, you know that. I aint dead yet, so I must be doing something right."

Roland just shrugged. "Whatever, but if I turn on my TV and see your dumb-ass on the news stuck in a ditch imma slap the shit outta you."

"Your TV?" Ryan said with a questioning gaze. "I'm pretty sure that belonged to the lovely white couple three blocks from you."

"I outta beat your white ass."

"Mmm, sweetheart. Are you gonna spank me?" He said with a wink.

Roland couldn't help but laugh. "Man, you're a fucking freak."

Ryan chuckled and let the air between them fall silent for a moment. "So how's the baby mama? She aint kick you out yet?"

"Not yet." He replied, chuckling himself. "Nah, things between us have settled down. We're getting along great...Thanks again for that."

"Don't worry about it, it was nothing."

"It wasn't nothing." Roland began explaining, his tone becoming much more serious. "If it wasn't for you then she'd still think I was cheating on her. You saved my relationship, man. Because of you, I gonna be able to keep my family going."

"Hey, you're my buddy." Ryan replied with an equally serious tone. "I know I give you shit all the time, but that's just how I am. If you are having problems or need any help at all, just get ahold of me...And remember, she started thinking that way because you kept going out with your friends. Just keep spending more time with her and the kid and you'll be golden."

The car slowed down as they approached a red light before coming to a complete stop. Ryan rolled down the windows to let some fresh air into the vehicle. The night air flew in and cooled down their warm bodies. After spending so much time at work, this was just what he needed. A calm, relaxing drive with one of his friends.

A question had been buzzing around in Roland's mind for a while now. He never really thought it was his place to ask, being the respectful man he is, but his curiosity was starting to get to him. "You know, you do shit like this all the time."

Ryan gave him an awkward look. "The hell you talking about?"

"Helping people, man." He began, "Whenever you see one of our boys having problems with someone you always find some way to fix it. It don't matter if it's girl problems or just some shit going on with them and one of their friends, you always have the answers."

"It's just my super power, I guess." Ryan said with a shrug.

"But, if you're so good with helping people stay together and shit, how come you don't have a girl of your own."

Ryan felt his heart start to ache at this question. He had tried several times to find a nice girl for himself, but always came up short when it came to keeping the relationship going. The light turned green and car started moving again. "Ever heard of Cupid's Curse?"

"What's that?"

"It's Cupid's Curse." He said plainly, earning him a deadpan look from Roland. "What it does is it makes people like me. If I see a problem with a friendship or, in most cases, a relationship. I become a guru of peace. I can mend any friendship and I can sure as hell fix any relationship...but when I get put on the spotlight, I just can't do it."

Roland silently listened, nodding to show his friend that he understood and let him continue. "Cupid's Curse, is the curse of loneliness. I can help keep people together, but at the price of not being able to help myself." As his story ended he pulled into a nearby neighborhood.

"That's bogus, man." Roland commented. It sucked seeing his friend have such a talent for helping people, but always doing it on his own. A guy like him deserved to have someone special in his life. "I'm sure you'll find someone one day."

Ryan glance over at Roland, again flashing him an odd look. "Are you coming on to me?"

"Fuck you, man!" He shouted, "I'm trying to be a good friend, stop playing."

He laughed at his friend's reaction. "Alright, alright. I'll stop."

"What I'm saying is; There's someone out there for everyone and you'll find her one day."

What makes you think it's a girl?

Ryan snorted, doing his best not to laugh. This caused Roland to roll his eyes and nod his head. "Just say it..."

"Say what?" He asked, playing innocent.

"Don't give me that shit. We both know you wanna run that smart ass mouth of yours. Just do it now and get it out of the way."

He tried with all of his might to resist, but couldn't contain it any longer. "What makes you think I'm looking for a woman? Maybe I'm looking for a nice, big, hunky, black man."

Roland face palmed and dragged his hand down his face.

"I really like names that start with the letter R too. Call it my inflated ego, but names that start with R are straight up sexy!"

"Oh my God, you are hopeless!"

Ryan busted out in guffaw, his laughter causing him to nearly pass by Roland's place. Luckily, he managed to catch sight of it and calm himself down. "Alright, we're here."

Roland unbuckled his seatbelt and exited the car, but not before thanking Ryan for the ride. Once he was back to the confines of his home, Ryan took off and drove onto a nearby highway. His house was a good few miles away from Chicago, but it shouldn't take him more than thirty minutes to get there. He caught sight of a few drops of water hitting his windshield, clearly its was going to start raining. With that bit of knowledge he made sure to roll up his windows so he could stay dry.

The rain was coming down hard as he drove, but Ryan was too distracted with what Roland had said to notice. Guy said that there was someone out there for everybody. He went through a mental list of every girlfriend he ever had. Twenty eight relationships, twenty eight failures, and only two of which weren't his fault. It all boiled down to the same thing, his fear. Fear of being committed, of sharing his life with someone, of never being able to express himself to his significant other. He could keep them happy, that was easy. The hard part was keeping himself happy.

All of these faults fell on him, leading him to his current life. Working long hours for a good pay, then going to parties and hooking up with strangers just for a night of fun. The only thing he had ever really been good at maintaining with any of his ex's was being a decent fuck-toy. He would get calls from time to time from his ex's when they were feeling lonely just so he could go over there and end up being straddled on sight.

He wasn't complaining about it, it's fun to have girls lined up and ready to fuck your brains out at a moments notice. However, no mater how much sex he had or how many drinks he could swallow down, it never filled this ever growing void in his chest. He glanced up at his rear view mirror and angled it down so he could see himself.

His short blond hair was a bit of a mess, his face still youthful and full of life, his bright blue eyes surrounded by dark soulless rings. He looked tired, he felt tired.

A bright light soon began filling the entirety of his vehicle, causing Ryan to flinch slightly. His attention moved from the mirror to the source of the light; A large red semi-truck. The truck honked its horn several times and Ryan turned the wheel to the right. Rather that the vehicle actually turning the tires slid across the wet road, repositioning the car.

With his vehicle sliding driver side first toward the oncoming behemoth, he watched his life flash by him. Small moments from when he was a child, then blackness, his brother saving his life from a group of gun-happy assholes, then blackness, seeing him in the hospital, watching him die, blackness, running through the woods, blackness, finding himself at a cliff with one of his ex's chasing him, blackness, waking up on a boat with a group of fishermen who had saved him, seeing his ex's lifeless body floating several feet from them, blackness, going to the hospital, meeting Roland.

It all came up until this point and he couldn't help but wonder why some chunks of his life seemed to be missing from his memory. What happened all of those times? What happened in the woods? Why was that girl chasing him? What was with that cliff?

None of that really mattered now though, seeing how he was about to get crushed by a truck more the ten times the size of his little car. Just when all hope seemed to be lost, another light entered his vision. This one was brighter and more...purple? Before he could take the time to register what was going on the vehicle flipped and started rolling.

Needless to say, this was a very painful experience. His body was flailing around like a ragdoll the entire time until it finally came to a skidding halt. He would have preferred to land right side up, but that would be too easy, wouldn't it? With his mind dazed and in a sate of absolute fuckery, everything seemed to be moving really slowly. He could hear voices coming from somewhere.

He needed to snap out of it, if someone is near then he needs to call for them, he needed help. Ryan turned his head to see a figure kneeled down outside of his window. He reached out and tried to open the door, but it was stuck.

Letting his instincts kick in he tightened his fist and punch the window, shattering the glass on contact. He tried to reach out to the woman who had been beside him just a moment ago, only to find out that she wasn't there.

"Shit..." He muttered to himself. "Brain, status report."

*Static*

"Fuck..." With that final word the world around him faded away and he became lost to the land of sleep, diving head first into the never ending sea of dreams that would await him...and possibly death. Death seems like a thing that exists right now.

We'll Call This "Shenanigans"

"You two, what!?" Rarity shouted in shock. For the past few minutes Twilight had been explaining to her friend what all happened after the whole bar fiasco. Everything from the party, to all of the fighting, Fluttershy losing her metaphorical shit on them, and finally how they had some of the most aggressive make up sex ever.

This conversation started when Twilight showed up on her doorstep with a number of barely visible bite marks through her fur and the occasional bruises, that were later revealed to be hickeys, lining themselves down her neck and shoulders. Naturally, Rarity assumed that Ryan had tried to hurt Twilight and was ready to take the fight to him. The threat of violence quickly got the story out of the young mare in order to protect her coltfriend from danger, no matter how uncomfortable it made her.

Twilight now sat in Rarity's work station, a deep red blush covering her face as she nervously rubbed the back of her neck. "Yeah, it was...interesting; to say the least."

"Well, I would certainly say so." Was all she could manage to say. Curiosity started to set in, prompting her to ask. "How was he?"

This question caught Twilight off guard. Her face turned a deeper shade of red as the memories replayed in her head. The mixture of pain and pleasure in one sick twisted game of 'Who's gonna finish first?' left her damn near dead. "He's sooo good..."

Despite the fact that she didn't like Ryan all that much, she was rather intrigued by what Twilight was saying. So much so that she really wanted to know what all went down. "So what exactly did you two do?"

Twilight let out a short, uncomfortable laugh. "I'm not sure if I-"

"Darling, please." Rarity said, grabbing ahold of Twilight's hand. "I'm your friend. You can tell me anything."

Twilight gave her a few seconds of silence before settling on the list. The list was, quite literally, a list of every little thing they did. She took a breath and readied herself. "Missionary, doggy, choking, bondage, blowjobs, cunnilingus, titjobs, tongue massages-"

Rarity's eyes went wide with damn near horror and a hint of envy as Twilight continued listing off, not only things that they did, but several other positions that they tried. Each one started sounding more painful than the last. She could not find anything to say; the alicorn's first time had so much packed into it that it almost made Rarity jealous.

"I tried deep throating, but that ended up just making me choke more. He did this one thing with his fingers that I swear made my whole body go numb for a second. Did I mention that he has a really long tongue? That thing goes down past his chin! I know he used that as an advantage. We may have also used some of that ribbon you let me borrow, I was blindfolded so I couldn't really tell. Regardless, I'm not sure if I should return it now. He also has this weird curve to his-"

The alabaster unicorn simply did not know how to respond. This definitely proved to be one of the weirdest stories she had ever had the guilty pleasure of hearing. Everything that she had been told went beyond anything she's heard. Not even the most erotic of novels compared to this. Except, maybe, Fifty Shades of Pony. Then again, she couldn't quite remember if that story was fiction or not. Either way, it was quite a read; Cost her a few bedsheets, but that was probably the worst of it.

"Okay, that's good enough!" The unicorn shouted, unable to take much more of this. "Good heavens, how long did this go on? You cannot possibly tell me that neither of you tired out."

"Well..."

Twilight laid beneath Ryan, panting through the gag he made out of ribbon and a torn up shirt. He removed the gag as well as the blindfold, letting her become reacquainted with the world around her. This was only their fourteenth round of the day and the poor girl was becoming exhausted.

"How can you keep going?" She asked weakly, "You couldn't seriously have any fluid left in your body. We've been doing this for hours."

Ryan smiled at her. He was covered with sweat, but didn't seem the least bit tired. He ran a hand through her mane, giving her a kiss on her cheek. "Come on, sweetheart. Do you really want me to stop?"

She thought about it for a minute, as worn out as she was she couldn't help but want him to continue. A majority of her lower half was numb, minus her overly stimulated parts, but she wanted more. The feeling of popping off was becoming addicting and she never wanted it to end.

"No..." She finally replied, "B-but, how can you-?"

"Stamina for day." He answered, knowing full well what she was trying to ask.

She shot him a confused look. "Stamina for days?"

Stamina for days!

Rarity blinked tree times before opening her mouth to make a comment, no words came out though. As hard as she tried to come up with something to say, she only found herself becoming stuck in the same dumb-struck level of silence. Then something came to mind. Later that day Spike came over to her house looking to crash for the night. He wouldn't say why, not in detail at least, but he looked like he had seen some shit.

These two elements clicked together like two pieces of a puzzle. "Would you happen to know if Spike was home during your...courting with the human?"

Twilight put a hand to her chin as she tried to remember everything beforehand. "I'm not sure. I didn't see him, but before we left I asked him if he could clean up the main room in the castle. Why do you ask?"

"He came over last night." She began, giving the alicorn a somewhat reprimanding look for not being more careful. "He said he wanted to stay over; something about you and Ryan appearing out of thin air and him being far too uncomfortable to stay."

Twilight's eyes widened at this small realization. She could just barely recall briefly spotting a pair of eyes under a nearby table. However, her head was pulled away from the sight when Ryan started having too much fun with the position he had her in. "Oh, Celestia..."

Rarity hummed, showing that she was well aware that her assumption was correct. "I thought so."

Another thought crossed her mind, one that seemed a bit more concerning than Spike's mental health. The location of the previously, aggressively, sexually frustrated human. "So where is Ryan anyway?"

Twilight was still trying to figure out what she could possibly do or say to Spike just so that he could continue to make eye contact with her. Not a lot of luck with that though. "He's at Sugar Cube corner. I took him there to meet Pinkie before I came over."

The unicorn could have sworn that the air around her just grew immensely colder. This nagging feeling started pounding around in the back of her head. Unsure of what it was, she decided to brush it off. Twilight, however, was starting to feel the same thing. Only she couldn't ignore it so easily.

KICK HIS LITTLE ASS!!!

Pinkie Pie and Ryan were sitting in one of the many tables in Sugar Cube corner, both of them with a cup of coffee in their hands as they chatted the day away. The work day was pretty slow this afternoon so she had no problem stepping away from the counter for a few minutes. There weren't too many ponies in the shop, but there was still enough for even Pinkie to call today 'Good Enough'. The mare was asking all kinds of questions about the human, a lot of which he didn't know how to answer. She confused him more times in the past five seconds than he had ever been in his whole life.

She seemed interested enough in him, but a lot of what the crazy pink horse said scared him a bit. Earlier he asked if this place was some kind of bakery. She said it was the best one in Ponyville. Having not seen any others he asked if it was the only one in Ponyville. Then she answered by saying, "I don't know, the show never really specified that."

To make things short in simple, he felt like he was going to have an aneurism at any second just by looking at her. Her entire body was just pink, on top of that her mane was even more pink.

How is that even possible!?

They get through a few more conversations about whatever popped into their heads when a stallion walks in with a small, but very pudgy, little colt standing by his side. The word pudgy is the nice way of saying that this little fur ball was the size of Jupiter. His body was blue, his mane was a darker shade of blue, he was wearing some kind of Power ponies shirt, and had a candy bar the size of Ryan's forearm. Which seemed necessary with how much space this kid was taking up.

Have I mentioned that I really hate kids? Especially the fat ones.

Pinkie rose from her seat to go serve them, but the whole time that she tried to take the father's order the kid was just going nuts. "Dad, I hate it here. I wanna go! This sucks, I wanna go!"

This is just disgusting

This goes on for nearly two minutes, Ryan can't help but just stare at the scene before him. He wasn't the only one either; nearly everypony in the shop was glaring at the obnoxious child. Each one wondering the same thing; Does this guy really just let his son get away with that? If Ryan had ever behaved that way in a public place his grandmother would show up and beat the shit out of him in the bathroom while his dad held him down.

Finally the kid manages to slip away from his father and yells, "Dad, I'm leaving!"

The colt makes his way for the door and the father looks at Pinkie and says that he'll be right back. For a moment Ryan sees a gleam of hope for this guy as he walks after the child with purpose.

KICK HIS LITTLE ASS!!!

He grabs the colt by the shoulder, spins him around, and gets into his face. At that moment the child started swinging the candy bar like a knife at his father while screaming, "Nooo!"

If that father punches that child; I would happily go to court and testify it as self-defense. Make the right choice!

The father waits for his son to calm down before leaning forward and trying to negotiate with him. "Star, look at me. What can we do right now to change this behavior?"

YOU'RE A FUCKING DISGRACE!!!

Ryan's head drops down to the table's surface with a thud. All hope that he had for the stallion was now in the middle of a lake with cinderblocks tied to its feet. When he lifts his head back up, the stallion is next to Ryan...smiling. He sits the child down in the seat directly across from him and walks back toward the counter.

You've got to be fucking kidding me...

The father makes it back to the counter, ready to give the patiently waiting mare his order. While he's doing this, the colt looks back at him, his face turning beat red as he screams. "DAD!!!"

"HEY!!!" Ryan shouts, all eyes in the bakery now turning on him as he pauses to recollect himself.

You know those moments when you stop and catch yourself in the middle of what you shouldn't be doing? This is one of those moments. But, fuck it! The train's rolling so blow the whistle!

Ryan takes a breath and gestures to the child with a hand. "Shut the hell up. First of all, this is a public place full of people trying to enjoy themselves. So stop. Screaming!"

He points over to the stallion, who's eyes are locked on to Ryan in complete and udder shock. "Now you see your dad in line there? He's there trying to feed your fat ass and you know what he's probably thinking about right now? Killing you..."

The room seemed to grow colder the longer he spoke, but it didn't end there. He stops pointing at the dad and starts pointing at the wide eyed colt. "So if you wanna save your own life, you're gonna shut up and be a good boy; got it? Ever heard of a late term abortion?"

Star was internally freaking out to the point that his grip on the candy bar was so tight that it went flaccid and toppled over onto the floor. With not much power left in that little brain of his, he submits. "O-okay, I'll stop."

"Thank you." Ryan says, unaware of the now angry father stomping his way over to the table. He soon find himself hoisted up into the air by his collar and is left just kind of floating there in the stallions grip.

"Do not talk to my son like that." He says with a frustrated tone, "Do you know the kind of therapy he is gonna need now because of you? He's not going to be able to grow up to be a normal, confident-" His words became quite literally caught in his throat as the human pulled his arm back...and punched him right in the throat.

The stallion collapses and drops Ryan, who manages to land on his feet and start brushing the wrinkles off of his shirt. "So you'll stand up to me, but you can't teach you kid how to NOT act like a jackass?"

"Listen here, punk." He manages to choke out, looking more pathetic than anything else.

Ryan slaps him across the face. "No, you listen, fruit cup! That little runt there is not your friend, he is your son. You can either start raising him right, and start disciplining him, or he's gonna grow up thinking he can do whatever he wants and end up in prison. And, judging from how he dresses, he's gonna be a bottom bunk."

The dad couldn't seem to find the words to argue against this creature. Something about the way he said all of this made it sound like he had experience with this kind of thing at some point.

"So straighten your shit up and be the father that he desperately needs at this age." As he finished that last statement, the door to Sugar Cube corner opens up to reveal two mares with worried looks on their faces.

They spot the stallion on the ground and the scared looking child, prompting Twilight to run up to Ryan and ask. "What's going on? I heard some kind of commotion."

Ryan shrugged, "Just giving this guy some fatherly advice." He says as he focuses back to the kneeling stallion. "Convert everything I said to memory, buddy. Because now, if you fuck up, you can't say that nobody warned you."

And on that note, Ryan walked around that pathetic excuse for a stallion and made his way out of the door. Twilight shot a questioning look at Pinkie, who's jaw was literally resting on the counter top. The expressions on the rest of the ponies in the bakery matched Pinkie's to the letter.

Several minutes later Twilight reenters her castle to find Ryan hanging out in the living room he enjoyed so much. He was sitting back in a chair with a small glass of a transparent brown liquid sitting on a table beside him. His eyes were fixated on to the ceiling above him, staring at nothing in particular. He seemed to be pretty lost in thought, but with the lack of his internal voice she couldn't seem to figure out what was on his mind.

She took a few cautious steps toward him, taking into consideration that he might be a bit upset from whatever happened at Sugar Cube Corner. "Hey...buddy? How you doing?" She asked in a somewhat nervous tone.

He made a number of small clicking sounds with his mouth, keeping his head up and his eyes on the ceiling as he replied to her. "I'm fine, just thinking."

Twilight wasn't sure if she was worried or just being plain nosy. Regardless, she wanted to know why he was acting so...not Ryan. "Is there any particular reason?"

Ryan let out a long drawn out sigh and pulled himself off of the chair. "Probably, but God only knows what it is." He simply replied to her, not really knowing why he was feeling the way he did. "I think I'm just gonna wash up and call it a day."

He didn't bother waiting for a reply and brushed past Twilight, giving her a peck on the cheek as he left to help ensure her that whatever was wrong wasn't her fault. The last thing he wanted was for her to start thinking that he was acting weird because of something she did.

A small blush graced her features in return to his affectionate display. She knew that there was something bothering him, but if he didn't want to bring it up then he didn't have to. It wasn't her place to tell him what he does and does not have to tell her. His privacy is his own to manage and she will respect that.

The idea of washing up seemed pretty appealing though. After getting a few letters written out she would probably go take a bath and take some time to relax. After all of the things that have been going on, nothing seemed more peaceful.

Author's Note

Okay, I'll admit it, a majority Ryan's entry in this chapter was based off of something I saw a few years ago. However, I did this for a specific reason. Seeing how it IS based off of something I saw, from someone I personally enjoy, I want to play a game here. IF...someone can accurately tell me who I am referencing and what it came up in, in detail...I will post a blog with a sneak peak at the OFFICIAL Perfect Mate sequel. And when I say the OFFICIAL Perfect Mate sequel, I mean the ACTUAL follow up to the original story. HAVE A FIELD DAY!!!

Perfection Is What You Make Of It

The visit went off surprisingly well, in Twilight's eyes. She had faith that her mate wouldn't blow anything up, or anything to that extreme, but it was quite the shocker when she saw how well Ryan was getting along with the princesses; Especially how well he was getting along with Luna. For a moment she was even concerned that he would try leaving her for the lunar princess, but after a long night of reassurance, she was positive that he wasn't going anywhere.

The train ride home would have been peaceful...had they actually taken the train and not raced it back down to Ponyville in Ryan's car. Needless to say, Ryan won by a landslide. The train was fast, but it didn't stand a chance against the horse power of his motor vehicle. It was nice to be back home again. Finally she could kick back and relax without having to worry about what Ryan would do that may cause him to get thrown in a dungeon.

However, that was short lived as well. As she rested on her bed, snuggled against her blankets like a child, she heard three distinct and loud knocks on her door. The purple alicorn let out a unsatisfied grumble as she tossed her blanket aside and walked over to open her bedroom door.

"Who is it?" She asked, not knowing who in Equestria would just come into her castle and knock on her door. Okay, maybe Fluttershy would do something like that.

"It's the guy from Tony's Male Strip Club!" Ryan yelled through the door. "Who the hell do you think it is?"

Twilight rolled her eyes and opened the door to find Ryan standing there without a shirt on. "So are you expecting me to make it hail or should I just give you my purse?"

"Either way, I'm gonna end running you dry." He explained in a cheeky tone. "And maybe, if you lose the attitude, that could have several meanings." Twilight blushed at his comment, reeling herself back a bit as she tried to kill off the blood flow to her face. "Anyway, I've got a surprise for ya. So get ready, cause we're gonna be out all night."

"Out all night?" She asked, wondering just what it is that he had in store from her. "What are you planning?"

"A thing..." He replied plainly, "Now get your ass into gear, we got stuff to do."

Ryan left her to her own devices so he could get himself prepared for a night out. Despite how difficult he was being with her, intentionally I might add, he did have a rather pleasant night planned for the two of them. Thanks to another trip to the diner he had been thrown out of, he managed to collect enough bits to make it all happen...and then get thrown out again...with no shirt.

It only took him a few minutes to get changed into a new set a clothes; Which consisted of a clean pair of blue jeans and a black T-shirt. His signature attire some might say, seeing how he had at least six sets of just those articles of clothing.

Twilight took her time getting ready. She was hoping to have a bit of a lazy day to just kick back and enjoy herself, so much for that right? Oh well, maybe whatever Ryan had in mind would be fun. She stripped out of her clothes and slid on one of the outfits Rarity made for her a while ago; A par of skinny jeans and a white V-neck shirt. She also tied her hair back into a pony tail, knowing that Ryan found it cute when she did that.

After giving herself a once-over in the mirror and deciding that she liked how she looked, she made her way outside. The sun was still resting high in the sky. Judging from its position she could only assume that it was somewhere around three in the afternoon.

Ryan joined her shortly afterward, taking her hand in his and walking toward town. He had a happy, yet somewhat determined, look on his face. In a few minutes they came across a baseball park with young ponies playing.

Twilight stopped, making Ryan do the same in turn. She was staring at a colt who was holding his arm. He was blue with a lighter blue mane and had a pained look on his face. She couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with him. The mare released Ryan's hand and walked over to the small pony. "Are you alright?"

He looked up at Twilight, doing his best to stay strong. "I think I pulled a muscle in my arm, but I'm fine." Despite his answer, he looked pretty upset. He sighed, "My team doesn't have another batter though. So we're probably gonna lose. It's the final inning and I was supposed to get the winning hit." His head lowered and his ears fell flat.

A look of sympathy washed over Twilight, then an idea came to her. Her head perked up and turned toward Ryan with an adorable smile spread across her face. "~Ryan..." She said, her smile turning into an even more adorable pouting face. "This poor colt is hurt and their gonna lose the game." She explained, keeping up her false saddened expression. "Do you think that you could help them?"

Ryan gave her an odd look, occasionally glancing at the colt. "You do know that I hate sports with a burning passion, right?" He asked, acting as though he was pointing out the obvious. "Besides, it's just a stupid game."

She groaned, getting back up on her feet and going into a more serious tone. "He can't help that he got hurt. Come on, they're gonna lose if you don't help them."

"And this affects me, how?" His behavior wasn't changing, perhaps it was time to take more drastic measures.

Twilight walked over to Ryan, leaning her head into his shoulder while she fluttered her eyelashes at him. "If you help them, I'll be sure to make it up to you." She sneakily worked her hand in front of herself and cupped Ryan, causing him to tense up a bit. "~Please..."

I SUBMIT!!!

Ryan growled a bit before lowering his head in defeat. "Fine, I'll help the little runts." He swiped Twilight's hand off of his little friend and walked over to the batter's circle with Twilight smiling at him the whole way.

He looked over at the other team, who was shooting him odd glances left and right. The umpire, who stood just behind the home base, was even giving him a questioning look. "What are you supposed to be; An overgrown monkey?"

"What are you supposed to be; A little bitch?" He responded as he grabbed an aluminum baseball bat from the ground and stood over the base with the metal stick raised behind him.

Just so you know, it's been about twelve years since we played this game...So I have no fucking clue what to do when we hit that ball.

Due to being lost in his thoughts, Ryan didn't notice that the ball had already been thrown and swung the bat too late. The umpire sitting behind him caught the ball and bloated out, "Strike one!"

The ponies in the field laughed, yelling out things such as 'Easy out', and mocking him for missing. Ryan took a breath, doing his best to not let his anger get the better of him. The umpire through the ball back to the pitcher, who caught it easily and spit on the ground before winding up his arm and throwing the ball. Ryan swung and missed again, earning a loud 'Strike two!' from the pony standing behind him.

Twilight could see all of the poor colts teammates lowering their heads, ready to be defeated by the offending team. As easily as she could use her magic to just make him hit the ball, she wasn't particularly one for cheating. She looled over at Ryan, who looked like he was ready to swing the bat at the umpire's head at any moment.

"Come on, Ryan." She muttered to herself, "I know you can do it."

Wow...we really suck at this.

"You're girlfriend over there is pretty cute." The umpire said to Ryan, causing his grip to tighten on the bat. "Kinda funny that she'd chose to date a freak that can't even hit a baseball.

...You're on, you little prick...

"Challenge accepted." The human replied to his comment, making the pony glance up at him with a confused look. The pitcher grinned, knowing that he was going to win this game. He winded up his arm and threw the ball as hard as he could.

Ryan let go, letting his instincts do the work for him. The bat came forward, crashing into the ball with a loud SMACK and sending it soaring clear across the field. He quickly through down the bat and ran through the bases; From first, to second, to third, and all the way home.

The young ponies watched the ball in awe as it flew across the sky. It continued flying even as the human had ran all the way back to home base.

When the ball started to come down, everyone watched in horror as it slammed into an elderly mare with a silver mane and a green coat. It came down directly into the side of her head, knocking her to the ground with an audible clunk.

Twilight watched the event with her mouth agape, unable to react, or even move for that matter. It wasn't until she felt her mate's furless hand grab hold of hers and pull her that she started to show any sign of life. However, not much could be done as he forced her to run along side of him to make a quick escape.

Golf wasn't something Ryan found a whole lot of joy in, but it was a semi-peaceful way to pass the time. He never like the whole, hitting the ball into a hole thing, so he stuck to the driving ranges. This way, he could hit the ball as hard as he wanted and not be forced to have some kind of goal

During their run, both Twilight and Ryan had agreed to not speak about the fact that he may have just nearly murdered Granny Smith. Ryan also mentally noted that it was still a little too early to put his plans into fruition, so settled with going to a small driving range to pass the time. It was a decent size, stretching out quite a distance, but was still close enough that you could see Ponyville on the other side.

He stood in a small area where he set his ball on a T and lined up his shot, quickly glancing at his watch before swinging. Five more minutes and he can take her out, he mentally noted before swinging his club and sending the ball flying.

Twilight levitated a ball onto her T, being much more picky, or as she would say, precise, about where she wanted to hit it. "So was this your plan?" She asked with a playful look, earning Ryan's attention rather quickly. "Taking me out to play golf with you?"

"Yeah, right." He replied, setting another ball down. "I'm just waiting for the right time. This just seemed like a decent way to keep us preoccupied until I was ready." He lined up his club, glancing at his watch once more. After this last shot they should be good to go. Without even thinking, he raised the club and swung it at the ball as hard as he could.

The ball was sent clear over the driving range and into Ponyville. Ryan's eyes widened, knowing that it was likely going to hit something. Instinctively, he dropped the club the walked away from his spot, grabbing Twilight, who was getting ready to swing, and pulling her with him with a soft yelp.

"Ya sure yer gonna be alright, Granny?" Applejack asked in a worried tone. After she had been struck by a random baseball, Applejack brought her home to get her into bed. Granny Smith, however, stopped her grand daughter before she could get her into bed, insisting that she was fine. "I just think that you should rest for a bit after that. You aint as young as you used to be."

Granny Smith spit on the floor at Applejack's words. "Oh, that's a load of apple sauce. I may not be young, but I can sure as sugar handle myself." She said proudly, moving over to her window and opening it to let some fresh air in the room. "It'll take a lot more then a tiny ball to take me-" The old mare fell silent as a sudden pain rocket through her head. Almost instantly she fell unconscious, collapsing out of her window and rolling off of the roof to meet the ground with a loud thud.

Applejack's eyes widened and she quickly ran outside to pick up her grandma, carrying her sleeping form into the house. Unknown to her, a golf ball remained lodged in the elderly pony's mane, keeping itself hidden within her white locks.

"Table for two, please." Ryan said to the Maître de with a sly gin, quickly sliding her a few bits.

After giving the human a stern glare, then looking around to make sure no pony was looking, she swiped the bits and pocketed them before grabbing two menus and leading them to a table that rested beside a window. She waited as Ryan pulled Twilight's seat out for her then moved to the other side to take his seat, handing them both a menu before letting them know she'd be back shortly to take their orders.

Twilight found herself glancing over her menu every few seconds, staring at Ryan with a smile on her face. He didn't seem to notice this, but that was besides the point. It was really sweet for him to do something like this for her. It wasn't necessary by any means, but here they were. Aside from his usual behavior, he could be the biggest sweetheart when he wanted to. She felt her smile grow as she thought about all they'd been through together and how he's always trying to go out of his way to make her happy; as unorthodox as his tactics may be from time to time. Even on their worst days, they always seemed to come running back to each other like magnets to steel.

She is eyeballing us pretty hard right now.

A blush formed across Twilight's face as Ryan finally looked up to see her staring at him. She buried her head in her menu so he wouldn't be able to see her, but he already knew now. Damn that brain of his!

Ryan smiled in Twilight's direction, only to turn his attention back to their waitress who was standing beside the table with a pad of paper, a pencil, and a very impatient look on her face.

They ordered their food, after Ryan had assured Twilight that prices would be no issue. He always found it kind of adorable how she tried to look out for how much he was spending. Yeah, he didn't have a job, but he had a way to make money and make it fast. It wasn't an issue for him. The waitress collected their menus, leaving the table shortly after to collect their food.

The couple looked over at each other, both becoming lost in their own thoughts about the other. Ryan couldn't believe everything he had to go through to find this woman. Twenty-eight failed relationships, several near death experiences, and even more brutal beatings than that. Who'd have known it was all leading up to this. Who in the right mind would ever think, for even a second, that a portal to another world was the step they needed to take to find someone so perfect.

Ryan smiled reaching a hand out to Twilight, grabbing it firmly in his own and earning him an adorable blush from the purple alicorn. "You're lucky tolerate you." He said, taking what could have been the perfect moment and shattering it into pieces with not more than a shit eating grin on his face.

Twilight's blush vanished and her expression turned deadpan at him. "You just couldn't stop yourself this one time, could you?"

He nodded in response. "Not a chance."

She couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "Would it kill you to be purely romantic at least once?"

"On the inside." He replied, giving her an odd look.

It really is quite painful.

Twilight let out a sigh, still finding it difficult not to smile His antics had grown on her too much for her to not find his smart ass attitude at least a little bit funny. "You're such a dork."

Ryan lightly shrugged, "Would you prefer I be completely normal?" He asked, clearing his throat and straightening his posture. "Good afternoon, Twilight." He began, speaking in a much smoother tone. "How's your day been so far? If you don't like the restaurant, we could always go to the park and talk for hours on end."

Twilight found herself recoiling a bit at his sudden change in personality, even going as far as pulling her hand away from his. "Okay, stop that! It's creepy."

"See what I mean?" He said with a laugh, going back to his normal tones and slightly slouched position. "If I suddenly start acting like that, either I've been replaced by shape-shifting bug aliens or somebody's life is on the line. Somebody close, not just some random pony I've never met."

"I'll keep that in mind." Twilight responded, wondering Ryan knew that he was momentarily talking about changelings. Then her mind started to wander a bit, making her mentally question why her mate was doing all of this. First he helped with the baseball game (partly) because she asked him to, then he took her golfing, now a fancy restaurant; On top of that, he seemed to be going out of his way to be at least somewhat nicer to her "What are you planning?" She asked him with a suspecting gaze.

ABORT!!!

Ryan rolled his eyes, mostly at himself. "What are you talking about?"

The mare crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. "You know what I'm talking about. First you're listening to me, then you took me golfing, now the restaurant, and you haven't insulted me once today." A smile started spreading across her face as the realization dawned on Ryan that she was catching on. "Who are you and what have you done with Ryan?" She asked playfully.

He shrugged again, "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm the same as I've ever been."

"~Ryan..."

"Shut up."

"See!" She said with a finger pointed right at him. "That's what I'm use to hearing almost every ten minutes, but this is the first time you've said it all day." Ryan was holding his breath, doing his best to think up a comeback. "Come on, just tell me what all of this is about." She pressed in an excited tone.

"It's a surprise, you're gonna have to wait."

Nailed it!

Twilight groaned in frustration, "But I hate surprises, especially when I know it's coming."

"Sucks to be you." Ryan said, turning his head toward the window. He knew she would try to pull that puppy dog eyes thing on him again, but this time he was prepared.

"~Please." She almost sang to him, reaching out and grabbing one of his arms.

"You are becoming the neediest, bitch. You know that?" He retorted, doing his best to keep himself from looking over at her. It didn't end though. Before he could even register that she had gotten up, she was already pressed against his side, pulling the back of his head into her chest. "You're about to start a throw down, sweetheart."

Twilight chuckled at his remark, not believing him one bit. "Yeah, sure."

Her expression quickly shifted from disbelief to fear as she saw his reflection in the window. He had a determined look on his face and his head was slowly angling upward so he could look at her. "Challenge...Accepted..."

*One Brawl Later*

Twilight couldn't believe that, of all ponies in this land, she was the one being escorted out of a restaurant and even temporarily banned. Granted, she did fight back when Ryan attacked her, then defended him when they threatened to call the guard for him attacking a princess. However, while hers was only temporary, her mate's ban was for life; as the owner so angrily addressed. While she was being lead of out the door, she could still hear a bit of commotion within the establishment. Seconds later, Ryan was seen being held up by two very stocky stallions who literally threw him out of the building and onto the ground before slamming the door behind him.

"Owie..." Ryan muttered into the gravel, knowing that he was going to have a very annoying headache later from the impact. He pulled himself back to his feet, rubbing dirt off of his clothes and out of his hair. "Well, that was definitely interesting."

Twilight had her face buried in her palms. "That was so humiliating." She said as she dragged her hands down her face. "I'm a princess for Celestia's sake! I'm never supposed to act like that in public." She was going to continue dragging on about how she was supposed to be a role model and all that jazz, but paused when she felt something wrap around her waist and pull her close to it.

Ryan smiled down at Twilight as she looked up at him, an embarrassed look practically glued to her face. "Come on, it was all in good fun. No one is going to blame you for having a bit of excitement in your life."

"Yeah, sure," She commented with a sarcastic tone.

Ryan let out a sigh, quickly trying to piece together something he could do to help her relax. He looked over and spotted a small lake nearby. "Hey, how about we go fishing?"

Twilight shot him a confused look. "Um...Why?"

"Why not?" He added, doing his best to keep explanations to a minimum. "It would be better than just going home to reflect on all of the carnage." He didn't mind what happened, but he knew that she did. In short, he just wanted her to be happy and relaxed, and fishing sounded like a good way to help settle the nerves.

Although reluctant to the idea at first, she didn't really see any reason to not go fishing. Hell, it might even help her take her mind off of the destruction they had caused earlier. "Fine..."

Nice job, jackass. You probably just fucked up this whole thing.

"What thing?" Twilight asked suspiciously.

Ryan let out a disappointed sigh. Once again, his stupid behavior has ruined everything. "It's nothing."

They walked over to the lake, finding a decent sized boulder to sit down on. With a bit of Twilight's transformation magic, the two were able to create fishing poles out of a few sticks they found laying on the ground. After casting their lines into the water they sat in relative silence, letting their thoughts fade away as they focused on their poles.

Twilight found herself glancing at Ryan once again, her curiosity being as strong as ever. Clearly he was planning something; but what? She let her mind process what it could be for well over five minutes before she finally cracked. "Are you gonna tell me what you were planning yet?"

"I was planning on having a nice evening out with you, hopefully making you really happy, then taking you home with pleasant memories." He replied, not taking his eyes off of the water. "I already fucked up most of that, so it's probably pointless now." He added, beginning to doubt himself. Twilight couldn't help but feel a sudden weight on her chest, she could tell that he was genuinely upset about something. "It was stupid anyway, I should never have even bothered."

"Bothered with what?" She asked, unable to keep herself from digging further. She watched as his eyes lowered to the ground. Whatever this was, it must have really meant something to him.

Let's just make this easier on everyone and tell her. There's really no point in hiding it anymore anyway

Ryan lowered his pole to the ground, before resting his arms on his lap. "After I met up with Luna, it got me thinking about my life and everything that happened." Twilight leaned in, staring at him with hungry eyes as he started explaining himself. "There were so many things, small things, that could have happened that would have made it so you and I never would have met. On one side I could be dead, on another I would be in a completely different spot, and on this side...There's just so much that could have stopped all of this from happening."

"Stopped what from happening?" She asked, sounding almost worried. It was like she was expecting something.

"Us..." Ryan simply replied. "I saw things that showed me how different my life could be and it made me think." He turned his head, locking blue eyes with purple. "It made me think a lot." Unknown to Twilight, one of his hands had slipped its way into his pocket. "I'm sure this isn't how you pictured it being and I can't honesty say I ever expected anything close to this, but..." He pulled his hand out of his pocket and held out an small black box.

Noticing the movement, Twilight's gaze shifted downward, her eyes staring at the box with a look of shock. She reached out and took it from his hand, slowly opening it to reveal...nothing. Her expression quickly shifted from shock to confusion before moving back to Ryan. "It's-"

"Empty." Ryan cut in, finishing her statement. His gaze shifted back toward the ground "I told you, this whole love thing is still weird for me, but I just wanted you to know that I do think highly of you and that I want to be with you forever." He began, "That box was supposed to be a promise that one day I will give you a ring, a beautiful ring that you deserve. I already found one and I'm doing what I can to get it. I feel like such an idiot after I ruined everything at the restaurant because I was going to try and be funny about it while asking you to marry me."

Ryan couldn't see it, but Twilight had tears welling up in her eyes. She knew that Ryan loved her, but never in all of their time together did she expect him to try and pull something like this off. He was putting so much effort into making this day perfect so they could have a special moment filled with laughs and happiness and it came crashing down because she kept prying him for information.

"This is all my fault." Twilight muttered, quickly earning her mate's attention. "If I hadn't tried so hard to make you tell me what you were doing then-"

Twilight fell silent as Ryan's hand forced itself over her muzzle, his sights now on her. "Don't say that. Anypony would have done the same thing in your situation, even me."

His words would have fallen on deaf ears while Twilight continued to blame herself for how the night turned out, but instead she found her guilt melting away. Something about the way he spoke to her, how he was looking at her, it told her that everything was alright. She really felt as though he didn't blame her, and while that should make her feel worse, it didn't. Sometimes she wondered if he had some kind of magic, one that toyed with her emotions and made her feel like everything in the world was right.

Ryan's hand moved from Twilight's muzzle to her cheek. The mare responded by closing her eyes and nuzzling into the human's hand.

"Yes..." Twilight whispered into his palm.

Ryan cocked his head slightly, "What???"

Wait...What!?

Twilight let out an adorable giggle, sniffling a bit as she pulled away from Ryan's hand and wiped her tears away. "I'd be happy to marry you."

*Shatter*

A smile spread across Ryan's face as a soft chuckle escaped his lips. Then another, then another; Before he knew it he was letting out a loud joyful laugh as he damn near tackled his now fiancé and pulled her into a tight embrace, one that she happily returned.

The hug broke after a short while and the two met for a passionate kiss, letting themselves bathe in the excitement that was washing over them. Sure, today hadn't gone as planned, but in their eyes, it couldn't have gone any better. This would surely be one hell of a story to tell her friends, that's for sure.

After breaking the kiss, Ryan scratched behind Twilight's ear, making her blush slightly as he did so. "What do you say we head home for an early honeymoon?"

Twilight grinned and fluttered her eyelashes at him. "I think that's sounds perfect."

Ryan rose to his feet, Twilight quickly following suit. "Hold on." He said, "Gotta grab my fishing pole." He bent down and lifted the pole, attempting to reel the line in.

"You know I could just make another one, right?" Twilight commented with a playful roll of her eyes.

"Yes, but I wanna keep this one." Ryan said, sounding as if he were struggling. "What the fuck? I think I'm caught on something." He gave the pole a hard yank to the side, causing the hook to break free from whatever it was stuck to. The hook flew behind a group of trees, making the human let out an annoyed grunt.

He decided to give it one more try and tugged at it again with all his might, hoping it would fly back over to him this time around. However, the moment he pulled, a scream quickly accompanied it. Out of nowhere an elderly green mare fell out from behind the trees, the hook having grabbed on to her shirt, and fell into the lake.

Ryan blinked three times before dropping the pole and running toward the castle, but not before grabbing Twilight by the arm and forcing her to follow him. "Gogogogogogogo!"

Run, bitch! RUN!!!

About three months of working/stripping later, Ryan finally managed to get Twilight the ring he had promised her. Thanks to the help of the royal sisters, they managed to have the wedding later that week. They had the option to have a grand outcome, but both preferred to keep it limited to family and close friends. Less is more, as they say.

Once wedded, the loving couple became nearly inseparable. They went everywhere together. Ryan would even tag along with Twilight when she went to royal meetings to help keep her sane, while also teaching her how to loosen up a bit and let things slide when they were getting to her.

Twilight did the same in turn, but it was mostly to stop him from causing too much chaos in Ponyville. She's made numerous attempts to slow him down, and they worked...for about five minutes at a time. It was just long enough for her to get him as far away from whatever carnage he was about to cause, so she could tolerate it to an extent.

Needless to say though, they were happy. Twilight finally had someone to love and Ryan finally learned how to love. It took him a trip across dimensions to figure it out, but he couldn't be happier with the results.

Twilight was probably the happiest though since she managed to marry the most badass human in the world. Literally the coolest motherfucker you could ever meet and a god in the sack. His greatest qualities about him was everything. Nothing was wrong with this guy. He was practically-

*Door Creaking open*

"Hi Ryan; Still working on that story?"

"Yep, got it just about done too."

"Great! I can't wait to read it."

"I know...Fucking bookhorse."

"Careful now. If you keep being mean, I'm gonna have to ground you" ;P

"Oh, bite me! I'll be done in a few minutes, probably less."

"Okay dear, I'll see you in a bit...I really do appreciate what you're doing."

"I know you do. And you deserve it after having to put up with my shit for all these years. I figured it would be a nice gift for our anniversary. You know, 'What better than to reflect and relive everything we've gone through during our first year?'"

*Eye Roll* "You're such a goof. Come and find me when you're done." *Leaves*

"Don't act like it isn't a nice gesture! I know you'll love it! You read more than you breathe!"

Anyway, Ryan has a very adorkable wife waiting to read this, so it's time to wrap this up and take off. My first year in Equestria was definitely an interesting one, but fun none the less. Nearly killed me a few times too, but fuck it; shit happens. I hope you enjoyed this, Twilight. I know I did :P

With Love, Your husband; Ryan

Author's Note

Sorry guys, I hate to end it, but it was getting to be that time. For those of you who are wondering, I'm fine. I'm still a little sick, but I'm pulling through. It's sad to see this story finally being finished up, but it makes way for more stories to start flowing through. I hope you all enjoyed this little project of mine. If you like this story, slap that LIKE button like a bitch, share it with you friends, and feel free to leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

THE END

THE END

That's right, we're doing this shit again! This story is over; Jeff, you still need to get a fucking life! I don't care how many jobs you have, you clearly have enough time to fuck around and read this shit, so clearly you're not doing enough.

Anyway, just like with the last Perfect Mate, I will be starting a Q&A session. As the rules before stated; Feel free to ask a question down below, just make sure you specify who you are addressing it to and I'll start having the characters answer them in about a week. If I'm feeling generous, I may even go through some of the 'Last Minute' questions, seeing how some of the readers missed out last time.

I will NOT be doing a story vote, as I know a lot of you are eagerly waiting for the OFFICIAL sequel to The Perfect Mate, featuring Celestia finding her love and dealing with all of that bullshit. However, during that wait I do plan on playing with some of my older stories, as I have been completely disregarding them for a good while now.

So, without further delay, ask away!