Fall of Equestria: Bringer of Doom

Two Caribou stood guard at the entrance to the Grand Hall of Canterlot Castle. They looked between one another as well as the door, waiting for their moment to shine.

"Hey," one of them called over.

"Yeah?" the other answered.

"... we're kinda fucked, aren't we?"

As the Caribou reflected on their ultimate truth, they heard the battle raging on outside.

Their attempt at mind-fucking-curing the stallions of Equestria had backfired considerably, since a majority of the Royal Guard were wearing enchanted helmets designed by Shining Armor himself in retaliation of the Changeling fiasco. In hindsight, maybe it wasn't a good idea to mind-control a population that was preparing for a race with mind-control capabilities.

"Yeah..." the other Caribou sighed.

"I mean, why did we even think Dainn's plan was good? Just stroll in here and take everything for ourselves?"

"It worked with the Sun-slut, didn't it?"

"Well, yeah, but we're not getting any, so I'm calling it a failure."

"Fair enough."

"And now we've got orders to slow down the Slayer while Dainn's children prepare to finish it off."

They stood there, swallowing their orders like one would swallow a sandwich.

"Wait," the other said, tasting the shit smeared underneath the lettuce of their second-handed BLT, "they said 'slow it down'?"

"Um, yeah... why?"

"Shouldn't we try to stop it if we can?"

"I think they're implying that we won't be able to stop in more than anyone else, so we're just meat shields to try and buy them precious seconds to formulate some kind of plan... but I think we're just a distraction while they have their way with Celestia's student and are using the Slayer as an excuse to get one last rutting in before-"

The doors before them burst open to reveal the Slayer running in, carrying a Great Lance that belonged to a Warbeast Rider. Speared on the lance were no less than five Caribou, hanging limply as he rammed through them.

"-exactly that happens. Well, it's been a horrible time knowing you," he said, resigning to his fate.

Doom Guy chucked the lance forward, sailing it through the air and impaling his sixth straight kill with the weapon, pinning the Caribou to the marble floor with it.

"My only is regret is that I-" never finished his sentence, as Doom Guy grabbed him by the neck and impaled his face into the dented handle, marking the seventh kill with the weapon.

Satisfied by his handiwork, the Doom Marine nodded in appreciation to his addition to the castle's modern art exhibit before turning to see some winged Flutter-somethings screaming as they decapitated Caribou in the streets, bathing in their blood as they screamed for their deaths. When they laid eyes upon the Slayer, something within them lit and they fought with a ferocity that hadn't been seen in eons.

"Rip and Tear!" a Unicorn follower of the Doom Marine cried out as he pulled an antler out of a Caribou's skull before slashing his throat with it. As the Caribou fell to the ground, clutching its neck in a feeble attempt to retain its life, the unicorn stomped on its neck and reveled in the bloodshed. When the neck was split open enough to the point where the Guard looked like he had just procured an expensive carpet/boot-cleaner, he looked to the Doom Marine.

Doom Guy responded with a thumbs-up.

The unicorn cheered as he stormed through an adjacent hallway, gripping the bloodied antler like a knife.

The doors before the Doom Marine were sliced apart before being blown away, showering the unmovable Doom Marine with splinters and ornate metal designs. On the other side stood two Caribou, one wearing a wrapping around his eyes that was as black as his leather armor, wielding a curved blade that looked like one of those things that some casual scrub would spam like a disgusting fucking Weeaboo.

The other figure, standing nearly a full meter taller than the Doom Guy. He had massive plated armor and forgone any actual weapon to instead use two great shields as a crushing wall of might. This managed to get a slight nod of respect from the Slayer, but little else.

"We've come to stop you, once and for all, Slayer," the Weeb said in a Weeb accent, trying to sound cool and failing miserably by default.

"You will not topple our defense," the wall of a Caribou stated.

"I am Master Virces," the idiot muttered, holding the Weeb sword at his hip, sheathing it in an attempt to look remotely interesting.

"And I am the Wall," the giant mass said before him.

Doom Guy had enough of their talking and pulled out his baby girl, letting her barrels hang downward.

"You've slain too many of our brothers, and for your desecration of our forefather's practice, we have no choice but to ensure that no flesh shall be spared."

Doom Guy loaded in the first shell.

"We will crush you until your armor is flattened into the road," the Wall started. "We will ensure that your last moments are that of pleading for the end to come, as you saturate the ground beneath us to last generations."

Doom Guy loaded in the second shell.

"We will be written as heroes while the Stags of the Stonehoof tribe sing our names as they break the mares of this pathetic country like the ungrateful sluts that they are!"

Doom Guy flipped his baby girl closed.

"Now suffer the wrath of the Twin Princes!" they shouted simultaneously.

The Wall charged forward, his shields at his sides as he steamed towards the Doom Guy. Virces faded from sight, leaving only afterimages behind as he leaped from wall to wall, trailing only dust and the sheen of metal. They closed in on him from both the front and the back, ready to end his life in an instant.

Doom Guy pointed Jessica over his shoulder and pulled the trigger.

The Super Shotgun thundered much like Doom Guy's own climax as he felt the kick of his beautiful companion unload all over the unsuspecting wannabe-ninja behind him. Virces burst into a shower of shrapnel and gore, his uchigatana breaking into a hundred pieces as Doom Guy let Jessica's burst push his arm forward, using his elbow as a fulcrum for her descent. When she was leveled with the Wall, he pulled the trigger again, the shotgun's blast an obvious metaphor for what was happening within the Praetor suit. The Wall was sent flying back as his midsection was shredded and eviscerated by the blast, his ribs and spine visible from the clear third of him that was cut out.

As VEGA cleaned up the mess inside of Doom Guy's suit, he popped Jessica open and loaded in two fresh shells as he examined the Wall die slowly as he gasped for air. He looked up to the door that they came out from and noticed a large group of Caribou standing there, one of whom had decided to dye his pants brown and yellow. Doom Guy smirked as they screamed and retreated in a desperate attempt to save their lives.

How fun it was to hunt them down.

\\\//////

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Dainn roared.

He seethed Argent Energy in arcs of red lightning as he saw the empty streets of the Crystal Empire.

"Where are the slaves and stallions!? Why are they gone!?" he demanded.

Dainn kicked a nearby building, destroying the support and ripping it from its crystalline foundations before it toppled over away from him.

"Why has nothing gone right!?"

Dainn looked down and spotted something that irked him: a letter addressed to him specifically. Calling it forth with his magic, he read the note as it hovered in front of his face.

'To the professional Anus Taster, Dainn,'

Don't fuck with the Crystal Empire.

They'll only bow down to one overlord, and that's *me*.

Forever your superior,

Queen Chrysalis

P.S.

Just because they've been my target before, doesn't mean you can get away with attacking the Equestrians. I'm sure your little hometown of Eichenwalde would simply adore the Slayer's company, once this is over.'

Dainn incinerated the note from the Bug Queen as he roared in sheer rage.

"I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD, SLAYER!!!"

\\\//////

"Do you think that those barricades will hold?" one Caribou soldier asked.

"They have to. We don't know when reinforcements will arrive," an immaculately dressed Caribou answered. "As the heir to the throne, I say that-"

"That's a load of broken does, and you know it!" a taller Caribou cried out. "I'm the heir to our Father's throne, and none of you are strong enough to usurp me!"

"Can we focus on surviving this before we start backstabbing each other for the bloodline!?" another Caribou cried out, cradling a hammer closely. "We've to focus on what happened with the males here! How did they become so-"

The barricade furthest from them buckled and shook, the stacks of furniture toppling a bit as the ponies beyond it screamed for blood. On the opposite end of the Throne room, fire and smoke pooled above the door frame, eluding which angered being lay behind it.

"I thought that the enchantment that we used on Spike the 'Brave and Glorious' would have induced his primal urge to mate and hoard! He shouldn't be able to think about anything other than subjugating the mares!"

"Clearly it triggered something else! Look, right now, we need to think of an out."

"Maybe we should open the portal, and-"

"No! Father told us to keep the portal closed at all times! Even if we are to die here!"

"There is no, 'if'!" a pony behind the barricade shouted as they continued to assault their defenses.

"Shut up you filthy traitors!"

"Rip and Tear!" they chanted as they slammed the doors.

As the mantra repeated, none noticed the heavy footfalls outside the main hall before a Caribou outside shrieked. One Caribou came flying through the doors, his spine snapping in half as he sailed through the broken pile of stuff meant to hold the door shut.

"The Slayer!"

The Doom Guy walked forward, reloading Jessica as one stupid Caribou thought that he could catch him off-guard. Loading in the second shell, Doom Guy grabbed him by the throat and hoisted him upwards, crushing his windpipe slowly. Another tried to retaliate, but was quickly dissuaded when Doom Guy brought up the fact that he was late for his meeting with Death, promptly assisting him by replacing his innards with shrapnel and lead, propelling him to the other side at the speed of 'Fuck'.

Snapping the neck of the struggling Caribou, Doom Guy used the corpse as a weapon by hurling it into the two charging him before grabbing a grenade off of his belt. One Caribou had the sense to duck underneath the corpse-toss, and was rewarded with the privilege of meeting Doom Guy's boot, face-to-heel.

The Doom Marine tossed the grenade across the ground, sliding it underneath the shield-bearers, counting down in his head as he jumped over them in time to catch the shock wave of its detonation. The explosion propelled him high enough to get a shot off on the last few in his way, shredding their upper halves to shit before landing before the thrones, cracking the stone floor upon landing.

"We're all gonna die!" one of the Sons of Dainn shouted in panic.

"Finally, I can face you at last," the armored Son of Dainn triumphantly shouted. "Now, let's see how you-"

He never finished as Doom Guy swept his right foot underneath the Caribou's feet before bringing his fist down against his skull, staining the carpet and thrones with blood and brains.

The two remaining Sons inched away from the death of their brother as the Slayer craned his neck to the side.

"I'm not dying like this!" one of them shouted as he ran towards one of the windows.

Just as he did, however, the barricade burst apart and let a purple form through.

"SPIKE RIP!"

The Caribou cried out in fear as the Dragon hefted him up by a leg before gripping an arm.

"SPIKE TEAR!"

The Dragon pulled apart the screaming Caribou, his spine and intestines dangling out and dragging across Spike's face. He opened his maw and spit out green flames that seared and burned the inner flesh of the Caribou before chomping down on it and swallowing chunk after chunk.

Doom Guy turned around to see the third Caribou's horns glowing as a small hole began to expand in between the thrones. He caught the sight of the Slayer marching to him and protested.

"I can lead you to my father! Just spare me, please!"

The other barricade fell, and nearly two dozen gold-clad ponies poured in. They stopped in awe as they watched not only Spike devour one of the Sons of Dainn, but also the Slayer.

"I can help you kill Dainn, give you information on his weaknesses, let you know how to avoid his magic, and- guck!"

Doom guy gripped his antlers and pulled him close. He didn't need a strategy or help on killing this 'Dainn' fucker he'd heard too much of. He already had a winning solution.

Shoot him until he dies.

The Guards began to chant.

"Rip and Tear! Rip and Tear! Rip and Tear!"

As if Doom Guy didn't have enough motivation.

The Caribou screamed as Doom Guy pulled his antlers in separate directions, his scalp breaking open as his skull began to give. With one pull, Doom Guy split the Caribou's head in half and tore half way down his torso.