“Wooo! More streamers! More confetti! Applejack! I need 9,950 more apples! Rainbow Dash, I need clear skies all the way with some cloud writing up high!”
“Pinkie, what are you doing?” A confused purple Alicorn looked around the sudden explosion of activity she had awoken to that morning. It seemed as if the pink party pony had wrangled the entire town into creating a giant party. For what, Twilight wasn’t sure, the only hints being the words and numbers “10,000” on almost everything.
“Well Twilight, today is the 10,000th Day-versary of the greatest invention ever!”
“Really? Which one? I don’t think it’s the steam engine, or the sewing machines… radio is also out…”
“None of those silly-billy!”
“I’m not a goat, Pinkie,” Twilight said but was interrupted again.
“NO, today is the 10,000 day of life for the World Wide Web!”
“The what now?”
“Twilight, Twilight, Twilight! Where do you think we exist? Where do you think that person there is reading this? The World Wide Web! Invented by Tim Berners-Lee, and turned on in 1989, the modern iteration of the phenomenon known as the “internet” was birthed exactly 9,999 days ago, making today its 10,000 day of life!” Pinkie lectured, giving Twilight a headache.
“First off, I have no idea what you’re talking about. We live on Equestria, not a giant web or net or whatever you said. And reading us? What are you talking about?” Twilight was royally confused, even more so than usual with Pinkie Pie, and that was saying something.
“I know you can’t see them, Twilight, and that’s ok. Honestly you’re lucky. Some of them smell funny and look creepy! But we can forgive our audience those simple failings on this glorious day, can we not?”
“Can we?”
“Of course we can!” Pinkie shouted happily to Twilight. “I need your help, by the way. Can you levitate these fishing nets and spider webs into the rafters. Rarity refused to decorate with these because they were not ‘fabulous’ or whatever.”
‘Fine. But answer me this; why celebrate the day-versary and not the year- I mean anniversary?”
“Twilight, how much is 10,000 days in years?” Pinkie asked, turning serious for a moment.
“27.39726…” The former librarian would have continued had the vibrantly pink mare not shoved a hoof in her mouth.
“Exactly, way too crazy and long and boring! So I had to make it short and sweet and not confusing! Besides, one thousand isn’t that special, one million is too far off, but 10,000 is just right!”
Happily pronking away, Pinkie Pie cornered Fluttershy as the timid Pegasus went by.
“Hey Fluttershy! How fast can your rabbits make bunnies? ‘Cause I’m going to need a lot…”
The day wound down at last, the preparations finished and the party set up. Everyone in town had been invited, and even the Princesses had descended from Canterlot to take a look at what the Element of Laughter had made.
“So, tell us about this ‘internet’ again, Lady Pinkie. I do not think I’ve heard tell of such a thing before,” Luna asked politely and genuinely curious.
“It’d take a long time to fully explain it, Princess, and I don’t want to use up more words than needed. Suffice to say that the internet is a wondrous thing, full of knowledge and music and videos and… other things.” Pinkie darkened for a moment, hair falling flat as she glared off into the distance muttering “Rule 34,” over and over until she popped back to normal.
“I see,” the princess of the night said hesitantly. “It sounds lovely?”
“Oh, it is! Be careful where you tread though. 4Chan and Tumblr are like dark gateways to madness and depravity. Enter at your own peril,” the party pony warned.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Luna said, levitating a cupcake over to distract herself with sugar.
“And how does one access this place?” Celestia asked, walking over with Twilight.
“First you need a computer. Then you need to buy service from a provider. Then you install firewalls and anti-virus because some people are real jerks and like making things bad for everyone,” Pinkie explained, much to the continued bewilderment and bemusement of her audience.
“After that you choose a good browser, like Chrome of Fox-of-Fire, and then bing-bang-boom, you’re on the tube! Or internet. Whichever. You can see the tube on the internet, so I guess I was correct in a way.”
“Well, this was enlightening, but my sister and I need to return to Canterlot now,” the solar princess said, excusing her and her sister from the party with grace and tact. Pinkie just nodding and handed them some gift bags before they flew off.
“It’s dangerous to go alone, take this!” Pinkie said, before devolving into a giggling pink pile of pony. The royal sisters shared a glance with each other before flying off, with only a hint of urgency to their flight.
“What was that?” Twilight asked her friend, who regained control of her giggles.
“A meme. Don’t worry, you wouldn’t understand.”
“Really?” Twilight asked, deadpan, which made the Earth Pony gasp in sudden fear.
“Oh my gosh! Did I really just say that?! ‘Don’t worry, you wouldn’t understand’? Oh no! It’s happening!”
“What, what is it?!” Twilight asked in concern as Pinkie became hysterical.
“I’ve been immersed too long in the ocean of information! The flow of data has begun to seep in and infect me! Twilight, help! I’m becoming a Meme spouting Hipster!”
“A what?” Twilight was confused. Again. Or still. She wasn’t sure.
“A Meme Spout Hipster, an internet denizen that stands below a Troll, but just barely above a Social Justice Warrior Blogger in terms of vileness and depravity!”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine, Pinkie. I have no idea what any of those things are, but I think you’ll be OK,” Twilight reassured. “And if not, I can come up with a few helpful ways to try and calm you down. Off the top of my head, I have 420 ideas…”
“Blaze it,” Pinkie giggled in response, before gasping in shock and burying her head in the cake. Well, one of them at least.
“Maybe it’ll go away on its own,” Twilight ventured, receiving a tentative nod from the cake.
And so the day ended with a glorious party to an unknown yet all powerful deity-thing. Applejack sold her apples, Rarity fussed over her dresses, Fluttershy was shy while Rainbow dashed about, and Bonbon and Lyra had sweet lesbian make outs near the punch bowl because for some reason they felt compelled to do so. Pinkie had cried out “Not the Shipping!” before hiding in another cake. A truly fitting end to…
Wait, what are you doing?
Stop, put down that hammer!
Please, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again!
Crap crap crap! Agh no not the face…!
Author's Note
Today is the 10,000 day of the internet, at least as we know it. Many thanks to Tim Berners-Lee for this most glorious of inventions!
