Why Do You Think Ah'm Gay!?
“AJ, can I ask you a question?”
Applejack looked up at the source of the voice, trying real hard not to yell at her. It was a Sunday morning in Sweet Apple Acres, and Applejack was trying to enjoy it. That “enjoyment” didn't last more than thirty minutes before Rainbow dropped in and began to prod her.
It wasn't that Applejack didn't like to have Rainbow around, she just got on her nerves repeatedly. All she wanted was a peaceful morning’s work.
So much for asking.
“Yes, Rainbow?” the orange mare answered in her calmest tone as possible.
“Are you gay?”
“Excuse me?” Applejack’s eyes widened in confusion and somewhat anger at the cyan mare floating above.
“I said, are you gay? You deaf or something?” Rainbow repeated.
“I heard it the first time, Dash,” Applejack said through gritted teeth. “Why do ya’ think Ah’m gay!?”
“I don't know, you just...are.”
“That doesn't make a lick of sense!” the farm mare hollered back.
“Sure it does!” Rainbow laid back in the air, contemplating a thought.
“How exactly?” Applejack questioned.
“Well, you've...never had a coltfriend!” Rainbow Dash satisfyingly countered, grinning as if she was victorious in the conversation.
“That doesn't justify anythin’!”
“How does it not? If you weren't a filly fooler, you'd have at least one colt by now!”
“First of all, that doesn't mean anythin’ at all! Second, ya’ don't even know if Ah’ve even had a coltfriend before I met you. Maybe I didn't tell you,” Applejack crossed her hooves across her chest as she leaned her upper back against an apple tree.
“I bet you're bluffing!” Rainbow pointed a hoof towards the farm pony.
“Or maybe, I just said that to shut ya’ up!” Applejack yelled.
“Why won't you admit it AJ? It's not like you're coming out as a colt or something!”
“Coming out as a different gender could be just as equal as coming out as being gay!” Applejack stepped back onto all fours and walked towards the pegasus.
“Whatever,” Rainbow shrugged.
“If you're so convinced that Ah’m gay, then Ah’ll prove it to ya’,” Applejack walked towards the entrance to the farm.
“Where are you going?” Rainbow asked, flying after her.
“WE are going to pay Twilight a visit,” Applejack grinned, causing the pegasus floating close by to groan in disapproval.
~~
“I'm sorry, say it again?”
Twilight Sparkle stood in the huge doorway of her castle, a puzzled expression mangling her face after what the two ponies in front of her tried to explain.
Applejack groaned, slapping a hoof to her face. “Dash thinks Ah’m gay. But she has insignificant proof to follow up with.”
“I don't need proof! It’s so obvious!” Rainbow threw her hooves at AJ for emphasis.
“Alright, girls. Calm down,” Twilight waved a hoof down. “I don't know what it's like to be gay, but I know a few books that can tell us distinct features, or even ways to find out if you are gay. But right now, this seems like a problem that can be settled later on. I'm busy at the moment here,” Twilight started to close the doors.
“With what?” Rainbow questioned.
“It's ten in the mornin’ Twi,” Applejack raised an eyebrow. “What could ya’ possibly be busy with?”
“It's Princess duties! You know that!” Twilight nervously stammered, trying to close the doors further shut. Rainbow held it open.
“You're hiding something,” she said with narrowed eyes.
“What? No!” Twilight’s pupils swapped from side to side within her sockets.
“Twiiiilight! Come back to bed-” Pinkie popped next to the purple mare, suddenly noticing the visitors standing outside.
All the ponies stood in awkward silence, before Rainbow reared over in laughter while mid-air, while AJ stood stunned at the princess.
“Oh, dear,” Twilight face-hoofed.
~~
“I mean, sometimes I thought you swung that way, but damn Twilight, Pinkie Pie? I never thought you two would be the ones to hook up,” Rainbow commented as they were walking to the castle’s library.
“Furthermore in the same BED,” Applejack added.
“Alright, alright, so I’m gay. Go ahead and judge,” Twilight flicked a hoof in their direction while turning away with irritated eyeballs.
“Oh, I'm not judging! I'm loving this!” Rainbow continued to snicker after her full laugh-off earlier.
“I know right! I am too!” Pinkie hugged Twilight affectionately, before profusely gasping. “We should throw a Me And Twilight Are Together-Party!”
“There won't be a party!” Twilight turned with Pinkie still attached to her side, a sad look appearing over her face.
“Why not? That sounds like a cool party to me!” Rainbow high-hoofed Pinkie.
“How come ya’ haven't told any of us about this?” Applejack brought up.
“Why do you think I haven't?” Twilight said, as if it was obvious. “Coming out to your friends isn't exactly the easiest thing to do! How am I supposed to know how they would react?”
“I know how I would react!” Pinkie bounced in front of them. “I would be like ‘Oh wowie Twilight! You're gay? That's awesome cause I'm gay too! What a coincidence! But also what a double coincidence because we’re actually dating and no one knows yet until now because I just said that and know they know but it's a super super duper great thing and we should throw a party called Me And Twilight Are Dating Part-”
“Pinkie!” everyone stopped her short of her excessive ramble.
“What?” she asked, perplexed.
“Listen, Pinkie,” Twilight laid a hoof on her marefriend’s shoulder. “This isn't something to go spouting wild to everypony. We don't know how ponies will react to us!”
“Oh, okay…” Pinkie shrunk down.
Twilight picked up her muzzle and nuzzled her affectionately. “But that doesn't mean I can't stop being with you,”
“Twi, if you really think that we would have rejected ya’, you’re wrong,” Applejack commented, nudging Dash standing next to her.
“Oh, y-yeah! Who cares if you’re gay? We’re your best friends!”
“You really mean that?” Twilight beamed.
“Of course, sexuality doesn’t separate friendships. Besides, I’m pretty sure having a hoof fetish is the same thing,” Rainbow nonchalantly said.
Noticing the pairs of eyeballs on her, she let out a nervous laugh. “C-cause I definitely didn’t used to have that!”
Twilight and Applejack snorted in laughter, while Pinkie only smiled widely.
“Does this mean I can…?” Pinkie asked Twilight.
“Yes, Pinkie, you can throw a party about it,” Twilight smiled, kissing her marefriend on the nose.
“Finally! I'm tired of you guys keeping it a secret,” Spike entered the room, a blanket trailing behind him. “I don't know how much longer I could have endured not telling anypony. You won't believe how loud they are in bed!”
Twilight and Pinkie’s faces turned bright red.
“Oh, what the hay!” Twilight grabbed Pinkie and brought her in for a huge kiss, which eventually turned into a make out session.
“You know what? Buck it!” Rainbow decided to follow along and suddenly pulled AJ into a kiss, causing the farm mare’s orange face to turn red.
“Woah there, sugarcube!” Applejack pulled back, wiping her mouth with a hoof.
“Hey! I was just going with the crowd,” Rainbow snickered.
Pulling away from each other, Twilight and Pinkie continued to walk to the castle library.
“Well, now that that’s over, we can finally find out if Applejack does lean that way,” Twilight started to pull numerous books from the shelves.
“Ah’m tellin’ ya’ll, Ah’m not gay,” Applejack sat on the ground, crossing her hooves.
“And I believe you, Applejack,” Twilight started to flip through the several books laid out in front of her. “I’m just trying to prove it for you,”
“Yeah, ‘cause I’m not leaving without solid proof,” Rainbow said.
Twilight read through the texts presented before her in seconds, cruising through the pages. All Rainbow and AppleJack would do was watch. Pinkie was occupying herself with making a pyramid out of Twilight’s flash cards.
Seeming to find the right evidence, Twilight beamed. “Here it is!”
The pegasus and earth pony walked over to the excited alicorn. “What is it?”
Twilight displayed the text to them. “Before me and Pinkie started dating, I spent a whole week studying homosexual relationships, their culture, and whatever else I could dig up. I found this piece interesting.”
AppleJack read the piece aloud. “If somepony has questions if they’re gay or not, a helpful activity would be to host experiments with another mare. These include dates and kissin’. Kissin’ is proven to be the most helpful. Engage in this with your partner to see if ya feel a ‘spark’ as many would call it.”
“Seems easy enough,” Dash said.
“I guess we can try,” AppleJack accepted.
“I'll leave you two ponies alone,” Twilight excused herself and dragged Pinkie with her magic into another room.
The two stood alone in the library for a few minutes in pure silence. This task wasn't light. Besides the little incident earlier, the two had never engaged in anything romantic at all. But now that they were about to, it seemed awkward.
“Well, are you going to kiss me or do you want me to?” Dash impatiently questioned.
“Who said Ah’m supposed to?” AppleJack asked back.
“Well it doesn't matter who does, I just want to get this over with so that I can prove that you're gay.”
“Why is it so important to ya to know if Ah’m gay?”
“Why does it matter?”
“Why is there no explanation?”
“Can't a pony wonder without a reason why?”
“What you're not gettin’ Dash is that ya can't explain yourself for such a far-fetched question in the first place. Ah should have asked this in the beginnin’!”
“Why does it matter so much to you anyways?”
“Because it does! Nopony can wonder without a reason!”
“Just drop it AJ and kiss me!”
“You kiss me!”
“You first!”
“Why do I have to go first?”
“Because you do!”
“Another dumb reason without an explanation,” AppleJack rolled her eyes.
“That's it!”
Rainbow closed her eyes and pushed her lips into AppleJack’s. She didn't care. She didn't care if it showed. But she was already liking this. The mare’s lips tasted of cider and apples. AppleJack also appeared to be liking it as well. Unexpectedly, the farm made placed her hoof around Dash’s neck, bringing her in closer.
AppleJack was both shocked but happy of how this occurred. She was shocked because she just realized the feelings she's always had for the mare, and also happy because she shared them.
The two made out for what seemed like a long time, completely unaware of who was standing behind them.
They heard the clearing of Twilight’s throat and immediately pulled away, breathless. Turning to face the other pair, they smiled awkwardly.
“That...was...hot,” Pinkie Pie said, a grin forming on her lips.
“I guess there's no more research needed,” Twilight placed the books back on the bookshelves.
“Ah guess not,” AJ smiled at Dash. “Looks like you're gay to Sugarcube.”
Rainbow blushed. “But hey! I proved you were gay! I win!” she danced around in a circle in the air.
“There was no competition,” AppleJack giggled.
“You know what this calls for?” Rainbow winked at AJ.
“A FOURSOME?!” Pinkie blurted out.
“A coming out party Pinkie,” Twilight stifled a laugh. “But we can have that too.”
The pink made only cheered. “Yippie!!”.
Author's Note
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all enjoyed my first comedy shortfic. Constructive criticism is widely accepted. This is my second story after all :)
