What Are Ya, Some Kinda Queers
Everyone's a Lesbian but Applejack
The smell of apples, and apple based products was strong on the farm, “Sweet Apple Acres.” The homely feeling the farm gave off welcomed all sorts of ponies from different ways of life, and that was exactly what the Apple Family liked.
The most productive member of the family, Applejack, was busy doing her daily routine of bucking apples for the day. Relaxing in a way only a hard work horse like herself could.
It doesn’t get better than this, I tell ya. Perfect sunny day, perfectly ripe apples for the farm, and the thought of another successful season.
Applejack's serene thoughts were interrupted suddenly by the sound of wet slurping coming from a short distance off.
“What in tarnation?”
Applejack tilted her ears to better pick up the sound, and the source of its location. Pinpointing that it was coming from behind a pair of trees just across from where she was, she made her way towards the unexpected noise pollution.
Peeking her head around the corner, her eyes could not believe what she was seeing. Before her now, was Twilight and Rainbow Dash, both of them locked in a passionate display of affection. If looked at at the right angle, you wouldn’t be able to tell that their mouths were separated on one point.
“The hell are y’all doin’?” Applejack yelled at her two friends who just noticed that they were being watched.
They both separated faster than a hoof from a cookie jar when caught by an authority figure. They both had looks of utter shock, much the same as Applejack, and were stumbling over their words, not sure what to say.
“U-U-Uh… it’s uh… not what it-”
Twilight was interrupted by Rainbow Dash who said, “It’s totally what it looks like.”
Twilight looked at Rainbow, shocked by her straightforwardness.
Rainbow just raised her shoulders into a shrug, “What?”
Twilight shook her head in dissatisfaction.
Applejack just looked more furious, her brow set in a deep frown that punctuated her foul mood. “What in the name of Celestia is all this about? I’m just here doing my daily chores, and then I come around her to see ya two playing an ol’ game of tongue wrestling! What are ya, some kinda queer’s?”
Twilight and Rainbow Dash shared a look, both of them confused by the question they were asked. After a moment, Dash asked Applejack in a concerned voice. “Uhh… are you alright, Applejack?”
Applejack ignored this question, too caught up in the moment to pay attention to a word she was saying. “I mean, why are you even doing this on my farm? It ain’t like there’s no private areas here in Ponyville!”
Twilight blushed sheepishly. “Well, you see. I was just kinda passing through here, and was going to ask you if I could make an order of supplies I need to refill the castle. I happen to come across Rainbow Dash, here, and she thought she would surprise me with some special affection.”
Applejack looked down, frustrated, and rubbing the bridge of her muzzle.
Rainbow took this moment to ask the question that both Twilight, and herself wanted to know that answer to. “And what do you mean, are we some kinda queer’s?”
Applejack looked back up at the two mares in front of her, pointing her hoof at both of them accusingly. “I mean… are you… are you two some sort of thing, or something?”
Twilight spoke up, “Yes. Are you surprised, Applejack? we’ve been dating for a little while now, how did you not know?”
“I mean, you’re both, ya know, mares…” Applejack said dejectedly, looking off to the side with a flustered face.
“I don’t see how that’s so weird, gay marriage has been legal for hundreds of years now.” Twilight replied to Applejack’s lack of information.
“What?” Was all Applejack was able to let out.
“Princess Celestia legalized marriage between two consenting mares, or stallions, due to how many mares that out numberd stallions. If it weren’t for this, many ponies would be single, and lonely for the entirety of their lives.”
Applejack took a couple steps back, her mind overflowing with this new information that she was just made aware of. She thought for a moment, before asking her two friends. “And just how many gay couples are in Ponyville, exactly?”
Twilight tapped her hooves together, a sheepish grin on her face. “Well, let’s just say almost every mare in town fancies the same gender.” She lightly laughed embarrassingly.
Applejack, for her part, tried to keep her voice down. If only just a little, because she yelled out in a high-pitched shrill. “What!”
Both the mares before her covered their ears, hurt by the loud shout that was shot right at them. After letting the pain fade away a bit, Rainbow told Applejack. “There’s no need to be so worried, the stallions seem to only like mares. Geez, Applejack, did you have to yell so loud? I’m sure half of Equestria just heard ya.”
Applejack let out a puff of air, before returning back to her introspection.
If what she’s saying is true, and that my family always been going after the other sex, then that means this farm seems to be the only normal place in town.
“So, “Applejack began. “If what you’re saying is true, and I hope it is, then that makes my farm normal since Apple Bloom has a crush on another colt, and Big Macintosh is a straight male. Ya did say stallions liked mares, right?”
Both Twilight and Rainbow Dash cringed at that, looking towards each other with uncertainty.
Applejack scrunched her face before saying. “I am right… right?”
They both ignored her, still looking at each other; Twilight was the first to speak up. “Should we tell her?”
“Tell me what?” Applejack asked, confused by what was going on.
Rainbow Dash nodded her head, and turned to face Applejack.
“I said, tell me what?” Applejack, was again, frowning with a confrontation glare.
“Well, you see-” Twilight began, but was interrupted again by Rainbow Dash.
“Your brothers gay, Applejack.”
Applejack just raised an eyebrow in suspicion.
“Applejack, Big Mac bats for the other team, in fact, he’s the gayest Stallion I know! You would not believe how much he gets around when he wants to.” Rainbow hoped this would clarify Applejack’s skepticism.
Applejack rubbed her head, a headache now beginning to fester inside it. “So, my brother, Big Macintosh, is gay. So gay, that he’s known as the gayest stallion in town?”
As if on queue, a deep voice came from behind her. “Eeyup.”
Applejack turned around to get a look at her brother who stood behind her, a wagon behind him with a load of supplies. He just gave his same stoic face that showed no emotion, and made his way into the farm. Disregarding the scenario that was playing out before him.
Applejack began to walk away herself. “I’m done here…”
Twilight was confused by this statement. “What do you mean, you're done here?”
Applejack replied harshly. “I got work to do, and I don’t want to be involved with this world that’s gone mad right now, so I’m leaving y'all. Take care.”
As she left out of sight, Rainbow turned to her marefriend and said. “What a silly pony…”
