I do not know who I am. Or what I am. Or where I came from.
I cannot see, I cannot hear. My world is dark, silent, empty.
Am I alone? How did I get here? Where is here anyway? Is any of this real?
Wait—
Am… am I real? What if I’m not? But if I’m not, then what could I possibly be? An illusion? A dream? Is that it? Am I just a figment of a dream? But whose? Mine? Someone else’s?
Why can’t I scream? I want to scream. If not scream, then yell, if not yell, speak. Whisper. Whimper. Cry, even.
At least I’d know I’m real— Wait, what was that?
There it is again! It’s… a feeling? Yes, feeling! And if I can feel, then I exist! I’m real! And my… whatever my inner sense is… it’s reacting. Reacting to a feeling of… of, what’s the word? Touch! Yes, touch! Something is touching me!
And it is so warm. Yes, I can feel that too. It’s not hot, just warm. It’s touching me in spurts, almost at random. I feel the bursts of warmth all around me. Gosh, this would be so much easier if I could see!
More touching, but now I feel myself moving? Wh— whoa! What’s happening? Something’s pulling on me… no, pushing; wait, back to pulling. Ah! No, wait! Pulling too much! I feel like I’m being pulled apart!
Oh, it stopped. Finally! I… I… don’t know what that was, but I want the warmth back. That felt… good? Yes, good sounds right.
I hope the warmth comes back soon...
Wh— Oh! The warmth! It’s back. Yes, I remember this. Wow, the feeling is much stronger this time. Like I’m being fully enveloped by the warmth. It’s… gentle. No pushing or pulling, just short, gentle movements, like I’m being coddled. Am I being taken somewhere? I can feel the sensation of “up”, but from where? And where am I going?
Oh, ok. Down sensation. So, I guess there is a bottom of sorts to my existence. At least I didn’t fall—
Ah! Ah! What’s going on?! I don’t have a concept of this! It’s like being pulled backwards? No, that can’t—
Ah!
Cold cold cold! Pain! What is this pain? It’s attacking me! Piercing my– whatever I am! Why is the warmth not doing anything? I can feel it holding me, but it’s not… not— Owowowow!
Why can’t I scream? Cry? Both? I want it to stop! Can’t the warmth see I’m being hurt?
It’s still coming. Off on off on off on, and from different directions. I feel it in the front of my sense, then behind, above, even beneath. It’s everywhere! And it’s holding me! I’m trapped! Am I being folded up? Crushed?
I don’t know! All I can feel is tightness. Constriction. Like I’m being closed in on myself. Oh, this hurts! Why is this happening?
I-Is… is it over? Wait… no, no pain. The cold is gone. But so is the warmth. Maybe it went to get help? Or… oh no. What if it was hurt too? What if the cold pierced it too? Or… w-what if the warmth did this on purpose?
Wh— oh! Is that? Yes, I remember that touch. It’s the warmth! It’s back! Oh, and it’s being so gentle, too! It must have brought help! Or come to check on me!
Whoa… what was that? Ah! There it is again! This is, what’s the word, strange? Yes, strange. It doesn’t hurt, and it’s not cold. But it’s everywhere, in every corner of my sense. It doesn’t hurt, but I don’t feel totally comforted, either. It’s like I’m being stretched again, but from the inside. Huh, that’s odd. I can feel my sense expanding now. Like it’s— like I’m being inflated. I can feel pieces of me growing. Some moving up, some down, still others to my sides, and as they move they’re all getting bigger, I think. Is that even possible? I hope I don’t get so big that the warmth can’t hold me anymore.
I just want to know what I am. I hope the answer will come, but for now, I’ll let the warmth continue to hold me from the inside. I’d like to remember that, just in case.
The pain came back just now. The same cold, same pattern, same everything. The warmth was there too, just like before. But this time I’m okay.
I’m okay because now I can hear.
Yes, hear! I don’t know what the warmth did, but when the pain stopped, my existence was no longer silent. Maybe something was attached to me that allows me to hear? Whatever it is, I hope it stays. Noise is so exciting!
Funny… this sound I’m hearing. It’s soft but constant. It sounds far away, like only part of it can reach me. But it’s constant. I wonder what it is?
Oh! The warmth is back! And wow, that noise is a lot louder now! Maybe the warmth is the source of the noise. It would make sense. The noise is somehow soothing to this new sense of mine, just like the warmth is soothing to the rest of me.
Wait, the noise changed. That low pitch is gone. Now I hear bursts of noise. They come in bunches, then stop. Maybe the warmth is trying to communicate. Yes, I can hear you! I can! Who are you? Who am I?
Oh! Oh, not the pain again… wait, pain? That might not be such a bad thing anymore. Maybe. I’ll just have to wait, and hope I’m right.
Ah! Much better! The pain’s gone, and everything is so much louder now! It’s like my new sense is somehow bigger, deeper. I can hear so much more. Oh, and I can tell where the sound is coming from now too! Wow, I can hear everything!
Now if I could just figure out what any of these noises mean.
Memory is a good thing to have. I can remember so much already, confusing as it all is. But the basics are clear enough. Warmth is good, soothing, comforting. Warmth means safety, and more so if the warmth is making low noises. Cold means pain, but it also means new senses. As long as the warmth is there too, I’ll be alright.
Ah, there’s that low noise again. That means the warmth is near. Ah! It’s louder and– oh, I can feel my weight being lifted up. I’m being taken somewhere. But where? Okay, I’m down again. Hmm, the noise is muffled a bit now. I can feel one of my hearing things pressing against something. Weird. I was pretty stable before, why would the warmth put me down like th—
Pain!
So. Much. Pain! It’s piercing my… somewhere, and it hurts so much worse than before! Now I can hear the cold! I can hear it piercing me!
Warmth! Warmth! I can hear you making noise! Hear me! Help! I’m in pa— Augh, it’s moving! T-the pain is moving! It’s carving me up! It must be! I don’t want to stop being!
Help!
Wh— whoa… I must have died. Surely, I have ceased to be, because the darkness is gone. Now everything is color… ful…
Oh… oh my. Is it— Can it be? The weight given to me is still there, and I can still hear, so that means… That means I can see! I can see!
I can see!
And it’s so, so beautiful.
Everything is so bright! There’s so many shades of, well, not dark. I don’t know their names, or if they even have names. All I know is that for the first time, I can see where I am.
I’m in a huge space. There seem to be solid walls in the distance, and one above me as well. Hmm, a barrier of some sort? Let me look down— Hmm, that’s odd. I can’t really make out what’s right in front of me. Why is that? Is something wrong? Did I mess up somehow? Maybe if I can learn to communicate, I can ask the warmth about it.
Speaking of which, I hear something coming. No, even better. I see something coming! I can’t turn both eyes to meet it, but I still see it clearly. Something very big is coming towards me. It’s not just big, it’s huge, and covered in more of those funny shades that I can’t make out yet. Its shadow looms over me now, blocking out the light.
I see that I’m being picked up again, and now I can see just what happens to me when that happens. Have I always been this high up? Wouldn’t it be incredible if I could stay this high up all of the time? My eyes look around at everything they can, throwing as much as they can at my memory. I might not ever see these things again, you know.
Finally, I’m put down; gently of course. The warmth always treats me nicely.
Huh, that’s weird. There’s another thing in front of me, just beyond my reach. It’s short. Really short. There’s a curvy middle, four supports beneath it, and a long connector that rises to an oddly-shaped front. My eyes strain to focus. It’s just far enough away for me to see with both my eyes, but it’s still hazy. If I squint really hard, I see something… poofy? Yes, poofy, and long. There’s one attached to this thing’s back end, and another sitting on top of whatever that odd frontal shape is.
Whoa! It just moved! Wait, no… did it? I know I just felt the warmth on me again for a second— oh! There it goes again, and me with it. Is this thing following me? Trying to copy me, even?
“So, Pinkie, what do you think?”
“Pinkie”? But that was the warmth’s sound. I’m sure of it. More importantly, how did I understand that? I never could before. Why now?
“Alright, we’ve got ears, eyes, hair, and finally that cutie mark.”
Unbidden, my eyes jump back to that thing in front of me, and it dawns on me in an instant. That thing… is me. I’m looking at myself.
I look on as the warmth envelopes me again, and now I can see it clearly.
The warmth is not one, but two things: two lightly shaded appendages, each split into five smaller extensions. I can see them moving by themselves, and together as one. They are reaching for me now, and my eyes follow them as far as I can, until I can no longer focus. Then they touch me, and that familiar sensation hits me.
But it’s not the same anymore. I know what the warmth is now; what it looks like, what it sounds like. I know this massive object, with its highly flexible appendages, was there from the beginning. It gave me form. Sound. Sight. Understanding. It gave me a name.
It gave me life.
It is my Creator.
It’s amazing what real sentience can do for a creature. I stood by and simply watched from my perch on a large table. Whenever Creator would come for me, I’d wish again that my limbs could really move as the Creator’s did, so I could close the distance between us that much faster.
As I was moved, moved again, then put back on my shelf, I recorded everything I could with my eyes. Thanks to a strange reflector that was nearby, I discovered that I was a pony, one with a pink body, pink hair, and light blue eyes. I even had a special mark on me too, one that was just for me!
Sometimes, Creator would sit me nearby while it interacted with a very bright box full of pictures, words, and so much more. I’d lock my gaze there while Creator worked, soaking up everything I could. I learned that I wasn’t just a pony, but a ‘party pony’, and I was famous for throwing things called ‘parties’, and making others happy. That all sounds great, but what’s a party? And how am I supposed to throw one? Maybe Creator will show me sometime!
At times, I’d see other large creatures enter my field of view. They looked much like Creator, and I quickly discovered that they were also creators. How many there were, I hadn’t a clue. But they functioned like my Creator, giving life to ponies just like me, and even other mythical creatures that they desired and revered.
Still, my absolute favorite thing was when the Creator would pick me up, or touch me, or run its… hands – yes, that’s what they were – through my hair. When its hands held me close, or drew circles behind my ears, I’d leap for joy in my mind. I wondered if the Creator had its own Creator, and if it was able to touch its Creator too. It’d only be fair, after all.
There’s that humming sound again. Creator must be near! Oh oh! It’s coming this way! Ahh, it’s picking me up already. I wonder what adventure is in store for me now? Will I get to watch Creator work again? Maybe it’s a field trip! I do like seeing what’s outside of this space.
“Well, Pinkie, I guess this is goodbye. You’ve got a new home waiting for you.”
Wait, “new home?” D-does this mean I have to leave here? Are you getting rid of me, Creator?
“I’m going to miss you. You’re so pretty, I wish I could keep you myself.”
Then keep me! Don’t get rid of me, Creator! What did I do wrong? Did I turn out wrong? If something’s wrong with me, can’t you just fix me?
“But don’t worry, you’ll be in good hands where you’re going, and I know they’ll be happy to see you.”
‘Good’ hands? I don’t want good hands! I want your hands, Creator! You made me. Don’t send me away—
Creator is hugging me tightly, but now I’m being surrounded by some kind of clear cage. I can see out of it, and Creator can see in, but we seem a world apart all of a sudden, like an unbreakable wall has appeared between us.
Okay, I’m being put down, and whoa, this is a really soft surface. Is this like that soft platform I see Creator lay on occasionally? Hold on, where’d these brown walls come from? And all of these small white blocks? What is this? I don’t think I like this—
W-wait, why is the light dimming? C-Creator? No, I don’t want to go back to the dark! I can’t go back!
“Safe travels, Pinkie.”
The light goes out completely.
Creator? Creator!
I still can’t see anything. It feels like it’s been dark forever, but I can’t tell time at all. I still can’t see, but I can still hear and feel. I can hear things that sound like my Creator, but there’s so many others; roars, high-pitched rings, and many others I can’t possibly identify. At some point an ear-splitting whine started, and it still hasn’t stopped. Worse yet, it’s become incredibly cold, and occasionally I’ll feel my entire world buck and jolt. Even those cold needles that pierced me so long ago were nothing compared to this.
Finally, the cold ended, as did the ear-splitting noise. But more sounds replaced them, and heat came in to smother me instead of freeze me. I wish I knew what Creator did to me, or why. Why am I in the dark again? And being tossed, bounced, and dropped? Frozen, baked, then frozen again?
Oh no, another roar?
Whatever I did, Creator… I’m sorry.
Light! Oh thank my Creator, light! I see a shadow reaching over me. Down here! Yes, please! Get me out of here!
I rise up in the air, and in minutes, I feel that clear container being cut away from me. The rush of air against my exterior is enough to make me sing, if I could. I feel myself turn in the air a few times, then the clear thing falls away completely.
That’s when I feel it. The warmth. The warmth has returned! And i-it’s holding me already! And touching me, petting me!
“Hello, Pinkie Pie! I'm Sarah. Welcome home!”
Home. Yeah, I can get used to that.
I wish I could smile. From what I can hear my companion say, and what I can see when I am passed in front of a mirror, I have a faint smile all the time. It’s literally a part of me, thanks to my Creator. Still, I wish I could really smile so I could show my companion how happy I am, and not just because I can see, or hear, or feel. Those are great too, but what makes me really happy is to see Sarah happy: to see her face light up when she sees me, to hear her voice squeak in delight as she runs over to me, to feel her precious embrace all around me when she sweeps me off my hooves.
Though I can’t show it on the outside, I’m smiling on the inside. I’m happy because I understand now. I understand my purpose, my job; my reason for existence.
Now I understand why Creator made me: to go somewhere else and make others as happy as I made Creator. I grew up in the ocean of my Creator’s warmth and love, and now I give that and more to Sarah.
Perhaps, in my own way, I am a Creator too.
I wonder…
What will my hooves make?
Author's Note
This is my entry for the 'Soft Hands' group's inaugural contest. Head over to the group and check out the other entries!
Also, a big thank you to Loyal, Winston, and Skeeter The Lurker for their editing and pre-reading help. This story would not have come together at all without their help. All three of these guys are top-notch writers themselves, so check out their stories!
