Quibble Pants sighed for the upteenth time as he and Rainbow Dash trudged through the jungle. “Are we there yet?” he muttered, batting away a stray fly.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and pushed a large leaf to the side. “If we were, you don’t think I woulda said something?” She glanced around them with a frown, noticing that the trees were growing thicker as they continued to walk, making it harder to see where they were going.
Rainbow Dash squinted upward and shielded her eyes from the sun. “Ugh, hold on a second. Lemme just…” Quibble watched as Rainbow flew up into the air, past the treetops.
“A...Are we lost?” Quibble called out. After a few moments of Rainbow scouting the area, she gradually began to float back down. “Are we worried right now?”
Rainbow waved a hoof as she landed back on the ground. “We’re fine.” She nodded her head to the left. “The Daring Do Convention is thataway. We just need to keep a low profile ‘till we get closer. Wouldn’t want Caballeron catching up to us again.”
An awkward smile crossed Quibble’s face. “Aaaand...that was….also real. Huh…” He looked at Rainbow Dash, rubbing the back of his neck with sheepish guilt. “Looking back on it, I really did get us into a lot of trouble, didn’t I?”
Rainbow Dash gave him a light punch on the shoulder. “Hey, don’t sweat it. At least you were able to get us out of it. Though...Caballeron’s henchmen were also a bunch of complete goofs, so that helped too.”
Quibble chuckled and grinned at her, but not before it slowly faded into a deep frown. “Hmm. You know what really grinds my gears about all this?” he said as he resumed walking. Rainbow Dash sighed, but followed him.
“I dunno. What?”
“I can’t believe we were kidnapped so easily like that! This is a convention, where was all the security? As a matter of fact, shouldn’t there be ponies out looking for us by now? I-I mean we both signed in, didn’t we? I mean, really…”
By this point, Rainbow had effectively tuned him out, casually keeping an eye out for any danger. As the sweltering heat beat down upon them, Rainbow wiped a hoof under her bangs and exhaled shortly. As she did so, her magenta eyes suddenly fell onto Quibble’s rump in front of her. The pegasus blinked and her lips pursed in deep thought as she took in his round bottom swaying side to side.
She exhaled again, wiping more sweat from her brow. Out of her peripheral vision, she could see Quibble’s blue eyes drifting towards her before going wide.
With a gasp trapped in her throat, Rainbow’s wing quickly came down on Quibble’s backside with an audible smack!
Quibble Pants let out a sharp whinny and spun around before scrambling backwards, hooves digging in the dirt. “WH-WHAT WAS THAT!?” he shrieked.
Rainbow Dash began to stutter. “It--well--I--”
“W-Were you staring at my butt!?” he said incredulously, wrapping his tail around his hind legs.
“No--”
“A-And then you slapped it!” Quibble squeaked, plopping his rump down in the dirt.
He blushed heavily, shielding his behind with his hooves. “W-Why would you do that?”
“There was a fly!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she tried not to grin.
“No there wasn’t!”
“Oh, there was too.”
“Was not!”
“Was too!”
“If there was fly on my butt, I would have felt it!” Quibble scowled.
Rainbow Dash fidgeted a bit. “Well, if you would’ve been paying more...attention, you would’ve noticed!” She lifted her chin and trotted past him. “You’re always complaining about stuff.”
Quibble’s insulted gaze followed her. “Wha--I do not!”
Rainbow hopped over a log and glanced back over her shoulder. “Yeah, you do!”
Scrunching up his muzzle, Quibble rose up and reluctantly followed Rainbow with his tail wrapped around his rump. “Analyzing is not complaining,” he huffed. “I like to observe things a-and discuss! Share my knowledge with others! That’s just what I like to do!”
Rainbow gave him a sideways glance and nodded toward his lower half. “Does that explain your cutie mark?”
Quibble nodded. “Well, ye--” His eyes snapped open as he veered away from Rainbow, his ears folding back. “Stop looking at me like that!”
Rainbow gave him a quizzical look. “Like what? It’s just your cutie mark. Back home we look at each other’s cutie marks all the time!”
Quibble looked shocked. “What?”
"Besides...it's not even a bad one to look at." She gave a teasing wink as she clicked her tongue.
".....WHAT!?"
Rainbow Dash chortled, shaking her head. “I didn’t know you were so shy about it, Quibble. I’ll stop if you want me to.”
“I-I’m not shy,” Quibble muttered, picking up the pace. “I-I’m just--ow!”
Rainbow gasped and spun around to see Quibble lifting up a foreleg and hopping up and down on the other three. “Ow ow ow!”
“What is it!?”
“Ahh, it’s my hoof! I think I stepped o-or scraped--ohhh, owww!”
Rainbow sat down in front of him and held out her hoof. “Let me see.” Quibble looked up nervously.
“Come on…” Reluctantly, Quibble showed her his hoof, which had blood seeping out of a medium sized cut. Rainbow made a sound at the back of her throat.
“Wh-What is it?” Quibble asked with apprehension. “I-Is it bad? Do I need to go to a hospital!? Do--” Quibble was silenced by a blue hoof against his lips.
Rainbow smirked largely. “Let me handle this, okay?”
Quibble nodded wordlessly, his mane bobbing. After Which, Rainbow Dash removed her hoof and reached behind Quibble Pants. “H-Hey, what--”
R-i-i-i-p!
The stallion gasped and flushed beet red as Rainbow Dash ripped off the lower half of his safari shirt. N-Now she’s ripping my clothes off me!? Quibble Pants thought frantically.
“MISS DASH!”
“Just relax, okay?”
“Relax!? How can I relax when--!”
Quickly and efficiently, Rainbow tore off the large piece of fabric between her teeth and took Quibble’s hoof in hers. Quibble watched speechless as Rainbow tied the fabric around his cut, applying pressure to it. “This should stop the bleeding some,” she said without looking up.
“...Oh.” was all Quibble could say. He relaxed a bit and let the pegasus work her magic. His eyes wandered to her face, and watched the way her brow knitted in concentration.
He also noticed how her muzzle scrunched up whenever she paused at wrapping before continuing again. A faint tint of red crept onto his muzzle as she finished up. “There. We can have a nurse look at it when we get back to the Convention.” She sat back on her haunches, proud of her work. Rainbow Dash glanced up and frowned slightly at the heat in Quibble’s face. “What are you embarrassed about now?”
Quibble’s shoulder’s jumped as he glanced around. “I-I...no. My uh, my skin always flushes red under so much heat.” He nodded at the sun overhead with a wobbly smile.
Rainbow followed his gaze and chuckled. “I getcha.” She rose to her hooves and helped Quibble stand. He stumbled a little, but he was able to keep his footing without any pain. Quibble moved around a bit and smiled.
“Wow! Thanks Rainbow Dash...you really are amazing…” He lifted up a hoof. “A-And one other thing about my cutie mark too...I always mean what I say!” Rainbow Dash grinned, straightening her back at the compliment. “Where’d you learn that anyway?”
“Something I picked up from Wonderbolt training.”
Quibble shook his head and blinked. “W-Wait, what? Y..You're not telling me you're a Wonderbolt, are y--”
“Oh no!” Rainbow gasped suddenly, distressed. “I forgot to get Twilight's book signed! She’ll be devastated if Daring Do doesn’t sign it!”
“Twilight?” Quibble’s eyes widened. “As in Twilight Sparkle? Princess Twilight Sparkle? PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE IS A FAN!?”
“Quickly!” Rainbow said, throwing Quibble onto her back. “We gotta go get her book and bring it to Daring before she goes off on her adventure!”
“Wait, WHAAAAAHH!!!”
Rainbow grunted and wobbled in mid-air. They managed to make it a few feet before they fell back into the dirt with a shout. The two fans groaned and moaned as they lay there in a heap. "Or...you know..." Quibble grunted out. "I could always give your friend my signed copy instead."
Rainbow panted slowly as her eyes rolled back. "You'd do that?"
"Only if I get your autograph."
Rainbow nodded slowly. "Deal." Her face planted into the dirt in exhaustion.
Quibble followed suit, but instead of dirt, his face found Rainbow's butt instead.
Author's Note
I am writing this dreadful booty fanfiction against my will. As my friends know, I am a loyal SoarinDash shipper. However, TheWalkingSkyMon has me at knife point at the moment, so I do not have a choice in this. I hope the readers have some enjoyment in this, for I am currently fighting to stay alive.
And so, dear QuibbleDash shippers, I'm sneaking this last tidbit in the author's note as my last cry for help. It's unlikely that someone will answer my cry, but it never hurts to try.
If you have made it to the end of this fanfic, I must both apologize and congratulate you. The booty has not deterred you, and for that, I am thankful.
But all and all...this is for you, Batmon. I hope you're happy...jerk. 
