Living in a Dream

by Kickass222urmom

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 3709

Lance Greenfield must try and live a normal life in Equestria.

After waking up in a tree, Lance Greenfield has to deal with a completely new body, an unfamiliar world, and a purple unicorn intent on studying him.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-28 00:43:12 UTC

Chapter one: Arrival

Author: Kickass222urmom

Co-Authors/Proofreaders: Ringmaster5j, Fallen Prime, and KillJoy

Chapter One

“Are you sure you know what we’re doing, Lance? Or what we’re even looking for? Because I’m positive I didn’t see any-”

“Yes, Shane, for the last time! I saw it come down on this parking garage! And since there aren’t any holes in the ceiling, it clearly never made it past the roof, so that’s where we’re going, and that’s where we’ll find it.”

With that, Shane briefly ceased complaining, and he and I continued to the climb the stairs in silence for a few minutes. Unfortunately, he decided to start right back up after that.

“Shouldn’t it have made a sound or something if you saw it from that far away?”

“If it was small enough, it might not have,” I retorted. “Shut up and come on, we’re almost there!”

“Why does this thing have to be up thirty flights of goddamn stairs?”

“Because it fell from the sky!”

“So you say. How do I even know you really saw this thing if no one else did? The way you described it, it probably would’ve made a bigger scene.”

“Okay, maybe I made it sound flashier than it actually was,” I admitted, as we finally reached the last flight. “But hey, we’re here now, so maybe we can stop whining and look for this thing.”

Finally getting to the roof of the structure, we immediately saw the crashed object, resting atop a now-crushed sedan. From where we were standing, it looked like a cardboard box.

“Found it,” Shane remarked.

“Of course,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “These things always land on the sedans.”

“And how many alien objects have you seen drop from the atmosphere lately?”

“Uhhh... none. But it always happens in the movies!”

“Yeah, the movies.”

I shook my head at his remark. “Shane... never mind. Are we going to check this thing out, or not?”

“Aren’t we already?”

“I meant get closer to it and get a better look.”

“Oh, well, good luck with that,” Shane said, taking a step back.

I turned my head to him and raised an eyebrow. “And where are you going?”

He shrugged and crossed his arms. “Nowhere. I’m just not going anywhere near that thing.”

“Come on, Shane. It’s just a strange device that fell from the sky.”

Shane sighed, and facepalmed. “And that’s why I won’t go anywhere near that thing!”

“Fine,” I said with a sigh. “Just cover me.”

“Cover you?”

I facepalmed and nodded. “Yes, cover me. You know, keep watch?”

“I don’t know why you need me to, but I can do that...” he muttered.

I turned to him and gave him two thumbs up as I began to back my way to the device. “Thanks, man.”

But as I started to turn back around, there was a screeching of tires. I turned to the side just in time to be bumped by a car as it came to a stop right in front of me.

I tumbled back and fell to the ground, landing on my rump.

“Car.” Shane said in a smug tone.

I rolled my eyes and stood back up.

Inside the car, a young woman rolled down her window and poked her head out of it. “I’m so sorry! You just walked out in front of me, and I couldn’t stop in time!”

Before I could reply, Shane yelled out, “Watch where you’re going, lady!”

The woman gave him a nasty look and pulled her head back into the car.

“Do you have any idea what that thing is?” I asked.

Turning her head to the device, she replied with, “Oh, that? It’s probably just some marketing thing. Ad companies do it all the time. Maybe there’s some movie coming out about a homeless superhero.” She then maneuvered around me and continued on her way before pulling into a empty spot a few cars away. I sighed and gave Shane a perplexed look.

He shrugged and smiled. “Only looking out for my number one bro.”

I chuckled and turned back to the crushed sedan with the device on it.

“Marketing scheme? I don’t think so,” I muttered under my breath as I made my way over to the device. Upon closer inspection, it really did look like a sealed cardboard box, which made it all the more confusing that it fell from the sky and totaled a car. It would have to have held something incredibly heavy to manage that. The box was torn a bit on the sides, exposing a few wires of whatever was inside. It almost looked like-

“Shane?”

“What?”

“...I think this is a bomb.”

Shane let out a nervous laugh as I touched it, “What? That can’t be a bomb...”

“Dude, it’s beeping! It’s a freakin’ bomb!” I panicked, jumping from foot to foot.

“It’s just ‘beeping?’ That’s all? Like that girl said, it’s probably just a marketing thing. Let’s just get out of here.”

“No, it’s a bomb! I think I know what to do!” I yelled, pulling out a key I had in my pocket and grabbing one of the wires, ready to cut it.

“Wait, what are you-” He was interrupted by me cutting the wire. The device started emitting sparks, and the entire building started rumbling.

“Lance! What the hell did you do!?” Shane yelled, trying to keep his balance.

“I don’t know! That’s supposed to work! We should probably get out of-” I was cut off by a thunderous bang, and before I could react, a wave of green light shot out, blinding me.

Then, before anything else could happen, I blacked out.

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I realized was that the flash didn’t do any permanent damage to my vision. The second was that I apparently ended up in a tree, since all I could see were leaves, branches, and the occasional apple. The third was that I wasn’t in all that much pain, which led me to believe that if I was launched from the garage by that thing, I must not have gone far. The fourth was that I seemed to be in a VERY odd position in the tree. One that felt abnormal, but somehow not uncomfortable.

The fifth realization dawned on me when I looked back at myself: my body somehow altered its entire shape, and I now had a set of wings jutting out of my back.

The sixth and final thing before losing consciousness again was that I was probably fainting.

When I woke up this time, I noticed I’d fallen out of the tree I was in. A quick scan of my surroundings told me I was probably in an apple orchard. A massive one, too; it extended back as far as the eye could see.

After standing up and taking in the scenery, I decided to look myself over again. And it took every ounce of willpower I had to stay conscious this time.

From the looks of it, this new body had four legs instead of two. And each leg ended with a hoof. I could at least deduce that I was now a horse. One with wings. However that was supposed to work. In my dazed state, I couldn’t be sure if that was normal.

My body seemed to be covered in a coat of light blue fur. At least, most of it was a blue; there were apparently red stripes in places as well. My tail (holy hell, I had a tail now) was black with a streak of red in it, and styled in a somewhat haphazardly spiky fashion, though falling from a tree probably didn’t do it any favors. The colors looked a bit... awkward, altogether. I wasn’t sure if any of this was normal either.

The only thing I honestly gave much thought to at the time was the fact that I was completely unclothed. That couldn’t be right.

After an uncomfortable period of tripping over my own legs several times as I tried to get used to walking with four of them, I set out to find some sort of reflective surface so I could get a more complete look at myself. It took me a few minutes, but I finally found a decent-sized puddle I could examine my reflection in.

My face was the same color as the rest of me - light blue, red stripes, messy black-and-red mane (seriously, what’s with these colors?). Exactly what I expected, given the color scheme of the rest of my body. What I didn’t expect was the look of my eyes. The irises were as red as my stripes, and the pupils were slit. They looked oddly reptilian, and definitely out-of-place on a horse. I moved around a bit, circling the puddle in the slight hope that it was just a trick of the light, but no matter how I adjusted my position, those eyes never changed shape.

That reflection was all I needed to alert me to the fact that I was either dreaming or hallucinating. I was more convinced of the dream option. I had to admit, it definitely wasn’t the weirdest I’ve ever had.

My first order of business, I decided, would be to fly around the area. It wasn’t every day someone got that opportunity, and it definitely didn’t occur to me to try in many of my other dreams. What really set this one apart from the others, as far as I was concerned, was that I had wings at the moment.

Well, I might as well start now, I thought. I don’t have any idea what I’m doing with these things, but I bet it’ll come to me.

But it didn’t come to me at all. I had absolutely no clue how to control my wings. It took me forever to figure out how to get them to move at all, and once I did, they did basically everything but what I needed them to do. All I wanted was for them to flap up and down and get me off the ground, but I could hardly make them move in the same direction. I even smacked myself in the head with them once or twice while flailing them around.

After about ten minutes of wing seizures, I just gave up and folded them back up to my body, which was the one thing I managed to do right with them.

Why didn’t that work at all? I wondered. I thought everything was supposed to work out for me in my own lucid dreams! How did I manage to make a complete fool of myself just trying to fly?

If a single thing worked out in my favor, it was that I was still alone in my little fantasy. I probably looked ridiculous trying to work my wings, but I wouldn’t need to hear that from an audience I didn’t have.

“You okay there, mister? Ya must’ve had a pretty nasty fall outta that tree if ya can’t use yer wings right.”

Well, so much for that.

I looked behind me, towards the source of the voice. Standing there was a smaller, yellow horse with a red mane and tail and a lighter red bow decorating her head. She was looking up at me with enormous orange eyes, an expression of innocent curiosity on her face. I didn’t see any wings or stripes on her, and her eyes certainly didn’t look anything like mine. She spoke with a noticeable Southern accent, and she-

She spoke. My mind did a double take on that fact. My dream has talking redneck horse girls. If my reflection can be trusted, I look like a horse right now too. I should hopefully be able to speak just as well. Hell, it’s my dream, so I’ll make it happen either way.

Not that I could test that, though, because my new spectator started talking again. “Wow, ah’ve never seen a pony like you before. ‘Cept maybe for Zecora, but she doesn’t have as much color. Anyway, ah’m Apple Bloom. What brings you to Sweet Apple- hey, you’re a blank flank too!”

I took in as much of what this thing said as I could. “Zecora?” “Apple Bloom?” “Sweet Apple” something or other? “Blank flank?” I had to admit, my brain could get pretty imaginative when I wasn’t in full conscious control of it.

“Okay, slow down,” I told my overly eager companion, but she didn’t stop.

“Wow, a grown stallion who doesn’t have his cutie mark! Ah can’t wait to tell Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo all about this! Is that normal for pegasus zebras where you’re from? Are pegasus zebras even normal where you’re from? Where’d ya come from, anyway? Ah know I ain’t seen ya ‘round town, and the closest place outside Ponyville is the-”

She stopped mid-sentence and gasped, apparently having a sudden epiphany. “Did ya come from the Everfree Forest? Maybe Zecora’s not the only zebra there!”

I struggled to keep up with what “Apple Bloom” was saying. Many of the words and phrases I heard didn’t make any sense to me. I did like to think I had a bit of creativity, but I was starting to doubt whether my subconscious could dream up something this elaborate.

“Seriously, slow down. I’m following basically none of what you’re saying right now. If you could just tell me where I am-”

“Oh my gosh, ah just had an idea! Ah should go introduce you to my big brother and sister! They’d probably like to know that somepony’s on the farm anyway. Ah’ll be right back, so don’t go anywhere!”

Before I could even get a chance to protest, Apple Bloom ran off into the field, shouting “Applejack! Big Macintosh! Y’all need to see this!”

Well, I don’t have anything better to do, I thought. Might as well just wait for her to gather her siblings. Who is she, anyway? If this is really a dream, is she... a spirit guide or something stupid like that?

While I was lost in my own thoughts, Apple Bloom returned with two other horses. Or ponies, going by what she’d said before. I snapped out of my daze when I heard her proudly proclaim “Here he is!”

The other girl - or mare, however horse terminology works - looked to be about my height, and had an orange coat, emerald green eyes, and cheeks dotted with freckles. Her blonde mane was styled in a ponytail and topped with a Stetson hat. What really caught my eye, though, was the image of a trio of red apples adorning her ass- er, her flank. I figured that she must have been Apple Bloom’s sister.

The one that I assumed was called Big Macintosh also looked to be their big brother. He towered over everyone else, myself included. He sported a red coat, an orange mane, and almost the same eyes and freckles as his sister. He wore a yoke around his neck (apparently this family likes to accessorize), and he was chewing on a bit of wheat. He had a mark on his flank too, this one portraying a halved green apple with its interior in full display.

“Apple Bloom, where did you find him?” the older mare (most likely Applejack) asked. I couldn’t be sure, but she sounded wary of me.

“Right here, just about,” Apple Bloom informed the elder sister. “He fell outta one of our trees, got up, looked at this puddle, and sorta spazzed out with his wings.”

“And how long ago was that?”

“Why’s it matter?” the filly inquired. “All we did was talk.”

“I’m just concerned for your well-bein’,” Applejack answered. “Ah mean, look at him! Those stripes can’t be natural, especially not on a pegasus. Big Macintosh, you ever seen anythin’ like it?”

“Nope,” Big Macintosh stated.

“Exactly! Ah don’t think ah want you gettin’ too close to him anymore,” the older girl warned. “Celestia knows what he could do to you.”

“I’m right here, guys,” I tried to announce, but none of the siblings paid me any mind.

“Are you serious, Applejack?” Apple Bloom asked, raising her voice. “He wasn’t tryin’ to hurt me at all before ah came to get you!”

“What’s wrong with me wantin’ you to be safe?” Applejack retorted, seemingly intent on turning this into a shouting match.

“You’re doin’ the same thing ya did with Zecora! That’s what’s wrong with it! The colors and wings and eyes don’t mean this is any different from the way y’all treated her before!”

I didn’t know who she was talking about, but even I was stunned silent at that show of force. No one uttered a word for several minutes. I just stood there in shock, the rest of the family soundlessly eying me.

Finally, Applejack spoke up. “Ah’m sorry ‘bout speakin’ so harshly about ya before, but ya really don’t look like you’re from around here. The stripes, the eyes... ya don’t even have a cutie mark! Where are ya from, exactly?”

“Right now that’s not my main concern,” I replied, hoping to change the subject and finally get an answer to the one question I thought was important at the moment. “Where the hell am I now?”

“If ya didn’t want to tell me, all ya had to do was say so,” Applejack stated, sounding a bit put off by my brushing off her question. “Anyway, this here is Sweet Apple Acres, the biggest, oldest, and only apple orchard in Ponyville. Ah work and live here with my family. My name’s Applejack, you’ve already met my little sister Apple Bloom-”

At the mention of her name, the younger sister started bouncing excitedly. “Ah still need to tell the other girls! We’re finally not the only blank flanks in town anymore! You could join the Cutie Mark Crusa-”

“Ah think that’s enough, Bloom,” Applejack said, bringing her sister’s jumping to a full stop. “And this here’s my brother, Big Macintosh,” she added, gesturing towards the massive stallion.

“Pleasure to meet ya,” he greeted as he offered a handshake - ugh, hoofshake, which I met as well as I could. “Not sure ah caught yer name, though.”

Oh. Right. Name. Well, I didn’t know the first thing about this dream world. All I could tell was that colorful talking horses were probably the norm, that pegasi and zebras both existed (though not pegasus zebras, apparently), and that “Apple Bloom” was probably a sensible name. I had no clue how “Lance” would go over with the siblings, so I decided to think of something new. Something that fit me somehow. Something that I’d need to think carefully about. Something that-

“Gyro. You can call me Gyro.”

-that I more or less made up on the spot. What does that even mean? “Gyro?”

“Well, it was nice meetin’ ya, Gyro, but ya dropped in on a kinda busy day,” Applejack informed me, turning towards the field of trees. “Applebuck Season’s right around the corner, and we need to clear all these trees and harvest all these apples before the end of the month. It ain’t easy, and it’s time-consumin’ work. Work that ah need to get back to as soon as possible.”

She turned back to me, a warm smile on her face. “But maybe ah’ll see ya ‘round. Got someplace you’re stayin’ in town?”

“Um...” That was another thing that I, in my infinite wisdom, didn’t take into consideration. I didn’t know how similar to the waking world this one was, but I was willing to bet that this town Ponyville was nowhere near my house, so I’d need to find someplace to stay that wasn’t another tree. I glanced around, trying to see if I could play a nearby building off as my own, but all that was in sight was a barn that clearly belonged to these three and the legion of apple trees. “I... don’t, actually. See, I only just got here, and I didn’t think that far ahead.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow at me. “Well, that won’t work out for ya in the long run. We’re gonna have to find ya a place to stay while you’re in town. Ah could see if there are any hotels with empty rooms around...” She trailed off, apparently weighing a series of options. I shot a glance towards Apple Bloom, whose gears were turning in her head too. After a moment, it was the younger one who spoke first.

“Ah’ve got it!” she shouted. “Maybe Gyro can stay with us! He doesn’t have any place to go, and we’ve got a guest room we ain’t usin’. In fact, he could help out on the farm!”

“Wow. That’s actually a pretty bright idea,” Applejack complemented, tousling Apple Bloom’s mane. “You okay with havin’ a guest in the house, Big Mac?”

“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh stated simply, a small smile breaching his otherwise-stoic face.

“That settles it, then,” Applejack declared. “Apple Bloom, why don’t ya go tell Granny Smith we’ll have another mouth to feed for the next few days?”

“Yes, ma’am!” Apple Bloom confirmed, and shot off like a rocket towards the barn.

Her sister now gone, Applejack addressed me once again. “Ah wanna make one thing clear for ya, Gyro: since you’ll be stayin’ here, you will have to help out on the farm. That includes lendin’ a hoof in harvestin’ the apples from the entire field.”

I shrugged, feeling like I was being let off easy... but then I took another long, hard look at the orchard. From my location this close to the family barn, the red-dotted trees appeared to stretch on forever. To most others, it might be an admirable sight, but for me, in the wake of my new job, it looked almost remorseless in its infinity, seeming to promise that I wouldn’t last two minutes out there doing manual labor. And I was inclined to believe it. It was hard enough to believe that a figment of my imagination was putting me to work, but this task looked to be more daunting than I could ever even handle while awake.

“...Oh, shit.”