SkirtsWatch

by AppleTank

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other, Changelings, Overwatch, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Crossover, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Gore
Length: 1577

A lemurfic offering. May he be appeased as Princesses and Overwatch in mashed together for no good reason.

A few princesses are vacationing in Canterlot. It is rudely interrupted by a Changeling invasion. Good thing these princesses happen to be sociopathic mercenaries because I thought it would be funny.

Please don't shoot me. Or freeze me. Or shockwave me off a cliff.

Published 2016-08-01 08:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-01 08:40:01 UTC

1) Round One

Schnee Weiss, or Snow White to her friends, drained a cup of iced tea as she scrutinized a drainage pipe. Just a few hours ago, her friends were talking about checking out the fashion district after lunch. Considering the country of (mostly) herbivores, it was rather difficult finding something they could actually digest.

In the end, they ended in one of the few griffon-owned diners in the city. They made nice tea too. Shame. She would’ve liked to savor it more.

The drink empty, she tossed it into a bin and started reaching for handholds on the pipe. A worn, well cared for rifle rested on her back over a heavy white coat.

A blast of green fire flew behind her back.

Snow hooked her fingers onto the gutter, muttered something about great construction, then hauled herself onto the roof.

A pegasus guard bounced off the roof tiles in front of her, screaming as he tried to keep a changeling from sinking its fangs into his face.

Snow squinted into the streets of Canterlot, one hand grabbing the stock of her rifle. After a moment, she pulled down sun-goggles and loaded a stripper clip into the top of her rifle.

“No one hides from my sight,” she hissed, racking a bullet into her rifle. She flicked up the iron sights bolted onto the rear of the receiver and lifted it to her eye.

Crack

Down the street, a mare screamed as a pony’s head suddenly exploded in front of her. With a flash of flame, a changeling corpse fell to the ground. “Oh please,” Snow grumbled as she worked her rifle’s bolt. “Those were not the eyes of familial love. Pay more attention.”

Crack

Another changeling fell from the sky of hundreds. Snow grimaced. “I’m going to need more bullets.”

By now, her rifle’s distinctive smoke and sound were starting to attract attention. Two heads popped up to look at the strange biped dressed in white with accents of blue and red crouching on a rooftop.

Crack Crack

Three soup bowls for brains spilled their contents across a rooftop. “Thanks for lining up, pests.”

She twitched at the sound of buzzing wings behind her. She waited for half a second, then burst into motion, leaping forwards and twisting her torso. A changeling smashed into the roof tiles where she stood, but despite missing, it was able to react in time to catch Snow’s rifle with a hoof. The impact jarred her finger, sending the last round to shoot off into the air.

A brief moment of mental panic gave the changeling confidence and closed in. Snarling, Snow shifted her grip and parried the changeling by using the gun barrel like a staff. She had to duck underneath a few hastily cast blasts while being forced to take some steps back.

“Stop-” Snow swung her rifle in a high arc, forcing the changeling to land. “-wasting-” Snow jabbed the rifle into the changelings raised hooves, briefly holding it in place. “-my-” The heel of a heavy boot slammed into the changeling’s head, sending stars across its vision. “-TIME!”

Snow’s left hand came out from underneath her jacket and drew a short-barreled revolver.

Blam

An electronic voice from below asked, “There is anger in your heart. Perhaps you need assistance?”

Snow rolled her eyes. “Shut it, tin can,” she shouted, ,holstering the revolver and pulling out a fresh stripper clip loaded with five bullets. “I’m a professional. I have a plan for any situation I meet.”

“Indeed. Including dressing up as a Winter Soldier in summer?”

“...yes.” Snow pulls back the glove on her left hand to show metallic paint, making it look mechanical.

A few hours before

Being a robot, she didn’t really need to eat, and so she decided to check out the fashion district beforehand so her friends wouldn’t waste as much time.

She turned her head down the streets when the screaming and magic blasts started. “Hello, my name is Jasmine-”

A changeling leapt down from a rooftop and jumped a pony, sending him sprawling across the floor. Jasmine-Bot frowned. “There is great discord in all of your hearts.”

The changelings appeared to not recognize her as much more than a floating, talking statue.

With a heavy sigh, Jasmine slapped her palms together. ”Pass into the Iris.”

Plonk Plonk Plonk Plonk

Jasmine gave a moment of silence to the six startled changelings with metal balls half-way imbedded into their heads. They prompty died of blood loss when a magnetic field returned them to Jasmine’s control.

The orbiting ring of metal spheres began speeding up as the army of changelings caught sight of the new threat. Absently, the robot monk noted a distinctive ‘Crack’ echoing over the city. Well, Snow seems to be doing pretty well. I might visit.

She began floating across the streets of Canterlot, absently slamming balls through any changeling within six meters of her, or if they happened to be attacking a pony.

Which was pretty much all the time.

Bonk

“There is no love in your hearts.”

Bonk

“This will not bring you want you are looking for.”

Bonk

“Open your minds. If it must be through the hole in your skull.”

Bonk

“Embrace Harmony.”

BonkBonkBonkBonk

“Eat a dick.”

The invading army was starting to notice large swaths of their brethren being cut down in a certain area of Canterlot. Getting no progress on that front, they kicked open sewer grates and buzzed into the city’s underground.

There was nearly no light besides the tiny slivers shining through the slits from above, but considering their home, their night vision kicked in almost immediately. Following their memory of the surface above, they navigated the unnamed waterways. It was somewhat stinky, but they had their orders, and they will carry it out to the best of their ability. Harder to get a fresh boost from the ponies above, though, unless they managed to see one hiding near a sewer grate.

All in all, there were probably a hundred of them all over the sewer network. The closer to the castle they went, the more groups they met up with.

Everything seemed to start going downhill when a wave of stinky sewer water cascaded over them.

PssPssPss

A group of changelings collapsed, tiny holes spraying blood across the walls. The leader spun around, searching frantically for the phantom that started picking off its troops.

The only thing it could hear was a splash of water spray echoing, following with another changeling falling over.

Suddenly, a ball of water slammed over its form. As the changeling struggled for breath, two pairs of glowing eyes rose from the depths, what little light there were outlining a single arm guiding the swirling water. “This is for ruining my vacation, bastards.” she hissed. Another arm grabbed at something from her hip, and raised it.

Pow

Several hours later

Three humanoids of probably femininity sat around the only not ruined table in Donut shop of Donut Joe, who currently wasn’t here. Unfortunately.

There was a small pile of bits shoved into the middle of the table as the three of them chewed through some of the items left on the counter and display case. Snow notably avoided whenever the Omnic, Jasmine, ate something. Ariel, only mildly damp and smelling of sewer if you were extremely up close, had a necklace with stick-figure charm on it. She also had a skirt over bare legs and feet underneath the flak jacket and ammunition pouches. An APS rifle was strapped over her back, a half-loaded magazine sitting on the donut table with its characteristic darts in a bundle next to it.

“Are you not hot in that?” Ariel asked, pointing at Snow’s winter jacket.

Snow dragged her rifle over lap, which was leaning against the table, and racked the bolt. A bullet made of ice hopped onto the table.

“Oh right. You cheat. Continue.” Ariel stuffed another donut into her mouth, also pointing off her eyes off to the side when Jasmine reached for another sugar-glazed.

In the distance, there was a flash of orange, and happy squealing. Fires sprouted out across the street. A girl in fireproof leathers and a DIY flamethrower skipped across the front door to Donut Joe’s bakery, missing the three humans frozen in between bites.

They glanced at each other as another wash of flames dug out another group of changelings.

“There are demons in her heart,” Jasmine commented.

“Not our problem,” Snow muttered.

Ariel eyed a manhole full of non-flammable water. “Agreed.”

Author's Note

This is stupider than the last one, sheesh.

2) Scorecard

Author's Note

Note: This makes the slightest bit more sense if you read the 2nd chapter of 99 bottles of Chaos on the Wall

2) Scorecard

Twilight stared horrified at the sea of destruction (and the occasional new fire) that sprouted out across Canterlot. “I ... I just woke up this morning. It was fine when I went to sleep! How did this happen so quickly?!”

Celestia stepped up next to her, looking flatly at the city with a very long straw hanging from her lips. “I find that it tends to help when you’re not sober. Heard from Spike that your blood ‘tastes’ like grape juice after you got a papercut.” She floated the straw over, which was currently IV’d to a vein on the elder Princess’s leg. “Want a drink?”