Twilight Sparkle was a very neat pony. Ever since she was a foal, having her possessions organized and filed away was of the utmost importance. Conversely, if her living space was not organized properly, she would become stressed, and if one of Equestria’s most powerful unicorns becomes stressed, bad things tend to happen.
Luckily for Twilight—and the citizens of Ponyville—she had an assistant who did his best to keep their home in the cleanest of conditions. Spike had spent the majority of his life keeping up with Twilight’s organizational demands; a light dusting here, a book put back there, and everything was as clean as could be imagined.
That is, until Spike began to grow up.
Early one monday morning, Twilight Sparkle rolled out of bed. As her hooves hit the wooden floor of her bedroom, her mind immediately began preparing for the day ahead. Breakfast, a quick study session, reshelve a few books...
She trotted over to the vanity, giving herself a quick inspection: dark circles under her eyes, a messy mane, and a frown that could shatter glass. Her Monday look.
...Clean the bathroom, visit Rarity, organize yesterday’s notes...
Reaching the stairs, Twilight gazed down at the living room before her, uttering a defeated groan.
“And handle this.”
The once-immaculate living space of Ponyville’s treebrary now looked more like a Manehattan alleyway. All manner of trash was scattered about the room. Mountains of cider cans blocked the bookshelves and a mass of pizza boxes now resided where a couch once stood.
A mass of pizza boxes that appeared to be breathing.
“Spike, wake up. It’s almost noon,” Twilight announced, descending the stairs.
A claw appeared from within the mound of cardboard, followed by a head. Spike gazed around the room, his eyes adjusting to the light.
“Noon? I just went to bed, Twi. Wake me up in a few hours...” With that, the adolescent dragon pulled the cocoon of boxes back over his head and began to snore.
“Whatever happened to getting a job?” Twilight asked, maneuvering her way around a pile of detritus she believed might be sentient.
Spike groaned in response.
The unicorn focused her magic, lifting the pile of boxes off of her draconic friend and tossing them towards another, much larger pile of boxes.
“I didn’t quite hear that,” she said, trotting over to the now-uncovered dragon. “You told me yesterday that you would go out and find a job.”
Spike rolled over, burying his face in the stained couch cushions. “I will!”
“Today.” Twilight added, jabbing him in the side. “You said you would go out and find a job today. Now get off your lazy tail and do it! I’m not going to let you stay here forever.”
Spike sat up and rubbed his eyes. He stretched, yawning, before leaning back into a familiar rut in the couch cushions. “Lighten up, Twi. I’m your assistant, remember? What would you do without me around?”
Twilight turned and began walking towards the front door.“I’m serious, Spike,” she said, hopping over a hill of trash blocking the door, “If this place isn’t cleaned up by the time I get back from Rarity’s, you should probably find a new place t-... Spike? Are you even listening?”
“Uh huh.”
She turned to see Spike fully entranced by the television. It had been a gift from Celestia herself; some new, revolutionary technology that was all the rage in Canterlot. She gave an exasperated sigh.
“I’m going to leave now.”
“Uh huh.”
“To Rarity’s.”
“Uh huh.”
“This room better be clean by the time I get back.”
“Yup.”
Twilight stood there for a moment, watching her young friend dig around in the couch cushions, eventually producing a half-eaten gemstone which he promptly popped into his mouth.
“Well... I guess I’ll see you later then.”
“Mmhmm.”
Twilight turned and walked out of the library, closing the door behind her. With her gone, the only sign of life in the entire tree was the small television set and its audience of one.
Spike sat there for a few minutes, snacking on the gems he found lying around.
“Hey, Twi, could you get me a drink?”
After a few moments with no response, the young dragon looked around the room, noting that some of the trash near the door had been moved.
“Twi?”
“What’s the matter, darling? You’ve hardly touched your tea.” Rarity gave a concerned look to her friend across the table. Even though the air of the cafe was filled with sounds of laughter and conversation, Twilight’s uncharacteristic silence made Rarity uncomfortable.
“I’m just... worried,” she responded, looking down at the frilly tablecloth. “About Spike.”
Rarity nodded, taking a sip of her own tea. “As you should be! It’s hardly appropriate for a dragon of his age to still be living at home.”
“But what can I do?” Twilight said, “This morning I threatened to kick him out if he didn’t clean up, and I don’t think he even heard me. Too interested in that stupid box...”
Rarity suppressed a laugh. “Oh, don’t blame the box, dear. Maybe the reason he won’t listen is because he knows that you won’t do anything about it.”
Twilight looked up from her tea. “You’re not actually suggesting that I kick him out? He’s so young! He could get... hurt! Or get involved with bad ponies!”
Rarity took another sip from the dainty teacup. “Darling, when I was was his age I was already paying my own rent.”
“Really?” Twilight asked.
“Oh, yes,” Rarity continued, looking nowhere in particular. “I can remember the day I moved out. Mumsy and Daddykins had just returned from the hospital with the new foal. Such a cute little thing.” She sighed, her smile faltering. “That is, until it started crying. And screaming. And... needing to be changed.” Rarity cringed and shook her head. “So, after a few days without sleep, I packed my bags and left.”
“You just... left?”
Rarity nodded. “Oh, yes. I left a note, of course, saying that if I was going to become a fashionista I would need my beauty rest. The local dress shop was hiring and the rest, as they say, is history.” She calmly sipped her tea. “What I’m saying, Twilight, is that Spike is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He’s a big boy!”
Twilight thought for a moment. “You know what? You’re right! It’s time I stopped taking care of him. If he wants to live like a—” she looked around, scanning the cafe for any porcine diners, “—like a slob, he can do it in his own place!”
A few hours later, a determined Twilight Sparkle approached the door to her home. She took a deep breath, preparing herself for both the inevitable argument and the torrent of debris that would no doubt welcome her upon entering. From inside, she could faintly hear the sounds of the television.
You can do this, Twilight. Just remember what Rarity said...
After a few seconds, she pushed the door open and walked inside. “Spike, we need to ta—”
Twilight stopped and rubbed her eyes, looking around the room again. The mountains of trash she had grown accustomed to seeing were no longer present. The floor was visible now, as were the bookshelves. It looked just like it did when she’d moved in all those years ago.
Spike, however, didn’t seem to notice. “Hey Twi. Could you grab me a drink?” he asked, eyes still glued to the magical box before him.
Twilight looked at him, dumbfounded. “But how did you... when did you...”
The dragon looked up and flashed a toothy grin. “Hey, I’m your assistant. You told me to clean up, so I did. You know you can always c—” Before he could finish his statement, however, a puff of green fire burst from his throat, coalescing into a wrapped scroll which landed on the floor in front of Twilight.
“Just a moment, Spike. I wonder what Celestia could be sending me at this hour...” Twilight levitated the scroll over to her desk.
Spike shot up from the couch, following her over. “Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing,” he said, casually moving in front of the work desk. “I mean, you can always read it tomorrow, right? She’s probably just checking in, wants to see how you’re doing. You know how sun goddesses are.”
Twilight tilted her head, looking the dragon over. “Are you okay? You seem... jumpy.”
Spike inched his way towards the scroll, smiling. “Me, jumpy? No idea what you’re talking about.”
“Well... alright then. Now, I really do have to see what Celestia has to say. For all we know, it could be something major.” Twilight said, unrolling the parchment and holding it before her.
Dearest Twilight,
I am glad to see that your studies in friendship are progressing well. Though I have been around for many millennia, I can not say for certain that I understand your most recent of gifts. Returning to my chambers only to find a mass of trash was surely a surprise. Perhaps it is one of these “pranks” that the foals are so fond of nowadays. If this is the case, I believe it is appropriate that you receive some “prank” in return? -Princess Celestia
Rainbow Dash rolled over in her cloud-bed, nuzzling the cloud-pillow and pulling the cloud-blankets over herself. On the other side of the bed, a tan mare shifted uncomfortably.
“So, uh...” she began, scratching the back of her head with a hoof, “You alright?”
Rainbow Dash responded by pulling the blanket over her head.
The night had, until this point, been perfect for Dash. She’d gone to a party on the outskirts of Ponyville with a few other members of the weather team, though it soon became clear that they weren’t nearly on her level. Thunder Crash had a few too many, Snow Drift had to fly him home, and Dash was left all alone surrounded by ponies she didn’t know, and didn’t want to know... save one, very attractive mare.
At least, she thought it was a mare.
The tan pony turned over, pulling the blankets over herself. For a few moments they sat there in silence.
“You really didn’t know?”
“...”
“My name is Trap Card, for Celestia’s sake!”
Dash turned over, prodding a hoof into the other ponies ribs. “Hey! This isn’t all my fault. You totally went along with it!”
“Well excuuuuse me, Miss tomcolt! A few mugs of cider, and all I saw was a handsome stallion that was very in touch with his feminine side!”
Dash turned back over and groaned. “Just... promise me that this never happened. You leave tonight, we never speak of it again. Deal?”
“Every time...” Trap Card sighed and rolled out of bed. “Yeah, deal.”
Dash closed her eyes and waited in silence. Upon hearing the front cloud-door to her cloud-home close, she let out a sigh.
“I need to stop drinking.”
The next morning, Rainbow Dash awoke to rays of sunlight on her face, birds chirping outside, and the sound of a hoof pounding on her front door. Dragging herself out of bed, she groaned and began to make her way downstairs. Opening the front door, she was greeted by a familiar, vaguely feminine face.
“Er, hi.” Trap Card said.
Dash rubbed her eyes and gave the ma—stallion a once over. He was more attractive last night, she thought to herself.
After a moment of silence, he continued. “I know you told me not to come back, but—”
“But you couldn’t handle life without me, right?” Dash asked, smiling. “I have that effect on ponies. Unfortunately, like I said last night, you’re not really my type.”
“I’m actually here on business, Miss Dash,” he said, looking down. “May I come inside?”
Dash shook her head. “No can do. Sorry, but I’m not going to fall for that one. First I let you inside, and the next thing I know we’re covered in chocolate, rolling ar—”
She was interrupted by a piece of paper being shoved into her face. After pausing to read it, she glanced at Trap Card. “I don’t get it.”
“Miss Dash, I am an employee of the Equestrian National Bank. We are foreclosing on your home.”
Dash stared blankly.
“This home. The one you’re in right now. We’re taking it.”
“Why?! Is this about what happened last night?!”
Trap Card massaged the bridge of his nose with a hoof. “No, Miss Dash. You haven’t been making your mortgage payments. As such, this home is being repossessed by the bank.”
“Wait,” Dash said, the wheels in her head audibly turning. “I had to pay that back?”
Trap Card nodded. “You have one week to remove all of your belongings. After that time, the home and everything in it become the property of my employers.” He turned and spread his wings, preparing to depart the cloud. “Goodbye, Miss Dash.”
As he took off, Dash raced to the edge of the cloud. She threw up her hooves and began to shout after him, tears in her eyes.
“Come back! We can work something out! You can even come inside! I STILL HAVE SOME LEFTOVER CHOCOLATE!”
“Is this the place?” Spike said, looking up at the four-story building before him. The bare bricks were weather-worn and covered with all manner of dirt and graffiti. Normally this would cause a building to stand out, but not here: the outskirts of Manehattan.
“It’s the right address,” Twilight responded. “Let’s see...” She looked over the list of names by the door, until one caught her eye: Leaky Pipe, Super. She pressed the buzzer and after a few moments, the door clicked.
As they entered the lobby, Spike began to take in his surroundings. The wallpaper was peeling. The ceiling was covered in stains. The floor looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in years. The entire area smelled like soup.
Twilight walked over to a door marked “Super” and knocked. After a few moments, the sounds of a lock could be heard from the other side. The door opened a crack, revealing an eye that was, presumably, attached to the superintendent.
“Can I help you?” said a voice from the other side of the door.
“Er, yes,” Twilight said. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, and this is Spike.” She motioned to the adolescent dragon. “He’s moving in today, and the landlord said to speak to you.”
The door opened fully, revealing a pale blue earth pony. “Oh, well why didn’t you say so?” He smiled, stepping out into the hallway. “My name is Leaky Pipe. I’ll show you to the apartment.” He began to walk towards the stairwell, Twilight and Spike following close behind.
“Now, I know the landlord told you that you would have your own place. Unfortunately, something came up last minute.”
“What kind of ‘something’?” Spike asked.
“Well,” Leaky Pipe said, opening the door to the second floor. “You’ll have a roommate. But I assure you, she’s very nice.”
“She...” Spike said, lost in thought.
“She?” Twilight said, a note of concern in her voice. “Isn’t that a bit inappropriate for a dragon his age?”
Leaky Pipe shrugged. “I’m afraid that’s the only option. On the bright side, he won’t have to pay as much in rent. And he may enjoy having the company!”
Reaching a door marked “202”, the superintendent knocked twice. “Miss Dash, your new roommate is here.”
“Wait, did he just say—” Spike started.
“No, it must be a different—” Twilight said.
The door opened, revealing none other than the Equestria’s best (young) flier: Rainbow Dash.
“Oh, hey Twilight. Hi Spike. What are you guys doing here?”
“That’s the last of them,” Spike said, dropping his luggage in the center of the common room. Noting that Twilight and Dash were busy conversing, he took a moment to observe his surroundings. The apartment was small, though an experienced salespony would call it “cozy”: two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a kitchenette attached to a common room that contained little more than a couch and a television.
Twilight glanced around the room. “So, uh, I see you didn’t bring much furniture.”
Dash nodded. “Cloud furniture doesn’t do too well at low altitudes. Besides, I can always make more.”
“What’d you do with all of your old stuff?” Spike asked, walking towards the kitchen.
“We should be there any moment,” Trap Card said, guiding the moving chariot through the skies over Ponyville. In spite of his poor history with the property in question, he had a job to do. After today, he thought, I’ll never have to see this Celestia forsaken house again.
As they neared the outskirts of Ponyville, Trap Card could see the cloud-mansion floating in the distance. Though, something didn’t seem right...
Squinting his eyes, Trap could make out a new addition to the roof. It appeared to be a pillar of some sort, with two rounded bases at either side.
“Hey, boss,” one of the movers said, chuckling. “That looks like a giant c—”
Dash shrugged. “I recycled them.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re concerned for the environment. So few ponies are these days,” Twilight said, “Though, if you need furniture, I’m sure I could provide something. Without Spike around, I hardly need most of the furniture in the lib—”
Dash waved a hoof. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve got all we need right here,” she said, gesturing to the television.
Twilight shifted uncomfortably. “Well... if you say so.” She turned, glancing at the kitchenette where Spike was foraging for food. “Spike, are you sure you don’t need anything else from home?”
Pulling his head out of a cabinet, mouth full of potato chips, Spike turned and nodded.
“Well then,” Twilight said, standing, “I suppose it’s time I headed home.” She strode over to Spike who had emerged from the kitchen, arms full of snack foods and cider cans. “I guess... I’ll see you later.” Planting a kiss on her forehead, she wiped a tear from her eye. “My little assistant.”
With a final nod to Rainbow Dash, Twilight walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind her.
After a moment, Dash broke the silence. “‘My little assistant’?”
Spike hopped up on the couch next to her and dropped his pile of snacks between them. “She gets like that sometimes. Chip?”
Before Dash could push the issue, however, there was a knock at the door. Spike glanced over. “I’ll bet it’s Twilight again,” he said, getting up. “Probably thinks I’m already dead or something. ‘Remember to wash behind your scales, Spike. And don’t go out after dark. And make sure you eat a few emeralds with each meal...’”
Dash took a break from flipping through channels to chime in with her own Twilight impression. “‘And remember that bedtime is eight-thirty. A growing dragon needs his sleep! And remember not to hang out with Zebras! You can’t trust them.”
Spike laughed, opening the door to reveal a large, white equine covered in black stripes. Or maybe a black equine covered in white stripes. In either case, he did not look pleased. Dash glanced over from the couch, then promptly did her best to sink into the cushions unnoticed.
The zebra took a moment and cleared his throat. “I came here hoping to show some class...” he began, glaring at the rainbow mane poking its way over the back of the couch, “but perhaps I should beat your racist ass!” He took a step into the room, only for Spike to move in front of him.
“Hey, easy there. Don’t pay her any attention. She’s, uh... not from around here,” Spike said, glancing back at Dash.
After a moment, she perked up. “O-oh y—... da, I haff just flown in from Stalliongrad. Manehattan is such vonderful place!”
The zebra looked at Dash for a moment, then returned his attention to Spike. “My apologies, little dragon dude, I did not mean to appear rude,” he said, offering a hoof. “The room next door is where I stay. Pleased to meet you; I am Ash Tray.”
Spike extended a claw. “I’m Spike, and that’s Rainbow Dash. We just moved in.”
The zebra smiled. “I do hope you enjoy your stay,” he said, before looking back over his shoulder. “Do either of you smoke PJ?”
Spike hesitated for a moment. “P... J?”
“Funny bud,” Ash Tray began. Noting Spike’s blank stare, he continued. “Pony Jane? Blue? Does any of this make sense to you?
“Uhh...”
The zebra sighed. “Poison joke, which I have in great supply. Knock on my door if you want to get high.”
Spike glanced back at Dash. “High? I’m not really a fan of flying. Dash might be interested, though.”
Dash poked her head over the back of the couch. “I’ll be over in ten.”
Ash Tray grinned. “It’s so wonderful to make a new friend! At this rate, the parties will never end.”
It was late.
Midnight, to be precise. Spike was sitting on the couch, fighting a losing battle with his eyelids. After all, he was an adult, and adults could stay awake as long as they wanted.
At least, that’s the impression that Rainbow Dash was giving him. Hours earlier, she had left to spend time with their new neighbor.
Hey, Spike. Wanna go get blazed with Ash Tray?
Having been informed that fire is dangerous and that dragons are fireproof anyway, Dash laughed, stating that she would return later that night.
Meanwhile, Spike had entertained himself by flipping through endless channels on the television. Finally, he thought, I can relax without Twilight nagging me.
He laughed at Two and a Half Mares. He cringed at The Trotting Dead. He wept for the future of equinity during The Canterlot Coast. Finally, after this third hour of Real Housemares of Manehattan, Spike decided it may be time to hit the proverbial hay. Shutting off the television, he dragged himself off the couch, down the hallway, and into his bedroom. The room was small, its only furnishings consisting of a mattress — complete with pillow and blanket — a ceiling fan, and a bag containing all of his worldly possessions.
Tossing himself onto the bed, Spike buried his face in the pillow and began drifting to sleep. That is, until a knocking sound pulled him back to the realm of the waking, followed by the sound of a door opening.
“Welcome to my nighttime bash! And meet my new friend, Rainbow Dash! Now come on in and grab a beer, ‘cause partying hard is why we’re here!” Ash Tray’s voice penetrated the thin walls of the apartment complex. Not a moment later, those same walls began to shake from what Spike initially believed to be an earthquake — an earthquake with a very consistent pattern to its pulses. He sat up and began pounding on the wall, but to no avail. The bass was simply too loud. After a few minutes of angry muttering, he wrapped a pillow around his head and sank back onto the mattress, eyes pressed shut, hoping for silence.
But, unfortunately, silence never came. An hour passed, then two. The party in the next room continued to rage, leaving Spike angry at his new neighbors, but too exhausted to do anything about it. What would Twilight do? he thought. Probably write a letter or something. He chuckled quietly for a moment, then stopped, glancing at the bag lying in the center of the room. Slowly, he rolled out of bed and began rifling through his things, eventually producing a piece of parchment and a quill. Can’t hurt, he thought. Then, with a yawn, he began to write.
Dear Twilight,
My first day has been pretty uneventful. You already know my roommate, of course. I’m sure me and Dash will get along great. The neighbors are nice enough, and even invited me to a party (I didn’t go, don’t worry). I’ll start looking for a job tomorrow. Hope the library isn’t too boring without me.
-Spike
Reading over his work, Spike smiled. He opened his mouth and inhaled, holding the scroll before him, then hesitated. Slowly, he released the breath, the weak green flame dissipating into the air around him. He turned and tucked the scroll neatly into a side pocket of his bag.
With that, Spike returned to bed, quickly falling into peaceful sleep.
