The Conversion Bureau: Death's Design

by The Monoceros

Rating: mature
Tags: Crossover, Human, Dark, Horror
Length: 1125

The ponies of Equestria are just dying to "save" humanity.

[Crossover with Final Destination]
The ponification potion… it can, regardless of their current state, turn humans into perfectly healthy, albeit mindless, ponies. It cheats Death.

But in death there are no accidents, no coincidences, no mishaps… and especially no escapes.

For certain reasons, this fic is now up for adoption.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-16 01:49:26 UTC

In Death, All Are Equal

Starlight Glimmer ran blindly.  All she wanted to do was to subvert ponification for her own purposes.  All she wanted was to create an Equestria where everypony was, is, and will forever be equal.

Then the teleportation to another dimension had happened, which destabilized the secluded area where she and her once growing number of friends had established what they had called 'Our Town'.  If Starlight hadn't experienced that unprecedented but very terrifying premonition of the future when she did, then none of them would have escaped that bizarre freak earthquake.

But looking for a new home had been the least of their problems.  Wherever they went, strange accidents had followed.  One by one, Starlight's friends died gruesomely from brutal accidents.  In fact, had Starlight not become panicked beyond rational thought, she would have realized that all of her friends had died in the exact same order that they would have died in that earthquake!

Now Starlight was the only one left.  She had somehow found her way to Manehattan, where she had been living her current days as a miserable homeless vagrant.

One night, Starlight was crossing an empty street was a black bus with the destination header reading 'TERMINAL' appeared out of nowhere, and barreled towards her.  It honked at the very last second, so by the time she had noticed the bus, it was far too late.  It ran her over.

The next morning, the bloodied and mangled remains of a purple unicorn were discovered in the middle of a Manehattan street.

Notice of Cancellation

I am leaving this fic to be adopted, because reasons.  I'm sorry to all of you who enjoyed this story, but I can't do this fic anymore.  If you want to continue it, feel free.

I am The Monoceros, and I wish everyone and everypony good luck.

Cheaters Never Prosper

Twilight stared at the medical clipboard for the human on the bed she found.  'Terminally ill, huh?  Cancer?  I don't think so,' she thought to herself as she doused the human with ponification potion.

She smiled to herself as she watched the transformation.  She laughed happily as the new pegasus Newfoal happily introduced herself as 'Salty Shores' and thanked Twilight for both saving her from death's door as well as from her original existence as a savage ape.

+++  +++  Two Months Later  +++  +++

"Twiligh,"  Queen Celestia asked through clenched teeth, "Can you please elaborate on that last part of the report, for me?"

"Y-Yes, your majesty, >cough-cough< well you see, four days ago, during a meeting with our PER allies, there was this... accident."

"What kind of accident?"

"They kind of accident that occurs when there is an unexpected explosion that leaves no survivors.  And.."

"'And' what?"

"And has bizarre anomalies surrounding it."

"What sort of anomalies were there?"

"There was this-this, there was this unnatural gust of wind!  And there was al-also this strange sort of shadow all over the place!  Not to mention that the phrase 'why can't we be friends' was played over the radio in a loop!"

"I see."

"Do you know what any of this means?"

"Enough."

"I, I understand your highness."

"What is going on here?  All of my wonderful plans, they were supposed to be perfect, just like me."

"Is, is there anything else that you need, your highness?"

"Leave me."

"...Very well, I understand your highness."

After Twilight left the room the Solar Tyrant asked herself aloud, "What the Smooze is going on here now?!  Why is everything that I've been working toward for so long that even I, despite my eternal and infinite perfection, even I no longer remember either why I chose to take this path or when I made the decision to do so."

Goodbye Moon

Luna bolted upright in horrified shock, scarcely believing what she had just discovered.  She had learned the true nature of humanity.  She had learned that every aspect of any human's life had been predetermined from the very nanosecond of birth.  Her now insane sister should have done her homework, because, in having zero true understanding of the nature of this world, she had enraged a primordial entity.

"I have work to do," Luna whispered to herself.  She got out of bed, only to suddenly experience a vision.  A vision... of Death.  Her own death.  And it was only seconds away.

"No, please don't," she blankly said in horror as the shadows covered her body, "Please don't, I have nothing to do with my sister's plans!  No, no, no, no. no, no, no, no , NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Outside, the wind began to blow...

Empty

Empty... that was how Jasper Richards felt.  He felt... empty.  He saw no point in living anymore.  His brother had been converted into a zombie Marry-Go-Round toy, both his childhood hometown and his parents had been sent to oblivion by the Barrier, and his best and last remaining friend was on death row after being discovered to be one of those fucking Ponification for Earth's Rebirth lunatics.

He just couldn't take it anymore.  That's why he is setting up a noose so he can hang himself.

'It'll be awhile before anyone comes into my apartment," he mused, 'And my rent's due in two days, so the sight of my cold, dead corpse will definitely wipe that stupid smug smile off of Ms. Jarvis's, that slumlord for a landlord, face.'

+++  +++  Meanwhile Outside  +++  +++

A wind blew as four floors above Jasper, the exiled former Princess Luna met her end in the form of a heart attack.

+++  +++  Two Days Later  +++  +++

"Richards!" Ms. Jarvis yelled as she pounded Jasper's door, "Time's up, your rent is due you worthless asshole!"

She waited for a few seconds, then she tried again, "Richards, I know you're in there you son of a bitch!  Don't make me come in there you damn retard!  Do you even know what's going on right now you oblivious dumbass?!  This building is being condemed!  That exile from Equestria—What the hell was her name again?  Oh yeah!—Luna four floors above you died from a mysterious heart attack two days ago!  Have you been living under a fucking rock!?"

She waited a few more minutes and, after still recieving no response, made an ultimatum, "That's it Richards, I'm counting to three, and if you haven't opened that damn door by that point, then I'm coming in there you MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE!

"One!

"Two!

"Three!  Ready or not, Richards, I'm coming in and you better have a good way to explain yourself, you worthless asshole!"

Unaware that strange shadows were now covering her feet and neck, she rushed at the now unlocked door, only to trip and snap her neck.  Not only did Ms. Jarvis die instantly, but, because she hadn't yet warned all of her tenants about the condemnation of her building, not everyone knew what was going on.  One week later, as a strange wind blew, the building was demolished.  Not everyone had evacuated in time.