Rarity Reads 50 Shades of Hay
You want to do WHAT with hoofcuffs?!
It was a beautiful afternoon in Ponyville as Rarity trotted happily down the street toward Twilight's castle with her embroidered saddle bag slung over her. She was on a mission to obtain a book about Victorian-style clothing for her new "High Class, High Fash" dress line. As she strolled past all the cottages, continuous thoughts raced through Rarity's mind, like whether or not she should bring back powdered wigs, or if the flanks of the dresses have to be truly as big as the ones back then. Those thoughts ceased, however, as she reached her destination.
"Hello!" she called out in a sing-song voice as she opened the large doors with a creak and peeked her head inside. "Anypony home?" Rarity's voice echoed down the long, empty hallways, but no response followed. Curious, Rarity ventured inward down the corridor. Again she called out, "Twilight? Spike? Starlight? Anypony here?" Still no answer. More thoughts entered Rarity's mind. Perhaps they had been summoned to Canterlot by Celestia, or had some important, princess-y business in town. Or maybe Twilight had been sent by the map to a faraway place across Equestria to solve a friendship problem, where great danger would meet them in the form of a horrible, friendship devouring monster and-
Rarity shook her head. She must've been hanging around Pinkie Pie too often. Her imagination was starting to become Pinkiefied. Rarity chuckled to herself. Pinkiefied. That ought to be a real word. Finding that she was getting off topic, Rarity shook her head again. If nopony was home, surely Twilight wouldn't mind either way if Rarity just found the book herself. Twilight knew that she had asked for it. So onward Rarity continued down the hallway, trying to remember which door led to the library. She tried one, only to be attacked by a mop and a few unstably-stacked buckets. She tried another, but that just led to the kitchen.
"Twilight really should get around to labeling these doors," Rarity muttered as she closed the door. After finding the bathroom, dining room, Spike's room, and game room (courtesy of Pinkie), Rarity finally opened the right door and entered the library. Crystal shelves covered with books wrapped around the entire room. Thankfully, each section was marked with the genre, so finding the book wouldn't be a problem. Rarity started looking up and down the room, searching for the right shelf. Fiction...Biographies...Instructionals...finally, Rarity found it; History. Softly squealing with anticipation, Rarity darted over and started going down the rows, hoping that Twilight had also categorized them in historical order as well. Luckily, she did, and it wasn't long before Rarity came across the Victorian era. Rarity opened it to the table of contents and looked over it. Sure enough, clothing was under it. Page 41. Rarity let out another happy squeal, placed the book into her saddle bag, and turned to leave. Before she could though, Rarity couldn't help but noticed the large, untidy pile of books on the table in the middle of the room. The whole table was cluttered. Rarity let out a, "Tsk, tsk," as she trotted over and started to stack the books into neat piles. "Twilight really should keep her areas more tidy," she said as she stacked the books one by one.
Just then, Rarity caught sight of a book that she had never seen before. The cover was a dark blue, almost black, with what looked like a grey necktie on it. It didn't really look like something Twilight would read. Intrigued, Rarity picked up the mysterious book and levitated it over to her. It was called Fifty Shades of Hay. Unusual title, Rarity thought. The atmosphere of the cover and title almost made it sound like a mystery book. Inspecting it closer, Rarity noticed the bookmark stuck in the middle. Twilight was reading it, and it looked it she was at least halfway done. Then again, Rarity had remembered that Twilight had returned about two days ago from Manehattan with a bagful of new books. Could this one have been one of those? It was a pretty thick book too, so if Twilight was already halfway done in a matter of two days, she must really be into it. Rarity couldn't help but wonder what was in this one book that had Twilight so intrigued.
"Well," she finally said aloud, "I suppose a little glancing couldn't hurt." Finally letting curiosity get the better of her, Rarity sat herself down on a chair, opened the book, and started to read.
"This Christian Hay seems like quite the gentlecolt, but there's also something that seems...off about him. Hmmm...I suppose reading a bit more isn't wrong."
"Now why would a stallion of this stature need cable wires, masking tape, and rope? Well now I need to know. Time to move forward."
"Ooh I know they're going to hook up! Just a few more pages. Few more..."
"Ok, why does Ana have to fill out a contract saying that she'll keep quiet? What's so secretive about a relationship?!"
Rarity quickly glanced up at the clock and gasped at the time. It had been at least an hour and a half since she started. Goodness gracious, has it really been that long? Rarity looked back at the open book in front of her and the glanced back at the clock. A mental battle had started in her mind. She really should be going to get started on her new line, but the book was just getting to the best part. She could just take the book back, but she didn't want Twilight to think somepony had stolen it. What to do, what to do! Rarity glanced one more time at the book. What was Christian Hay planning? Where was this relationship going? These questions were too much for Rarity to handle. She just couldn't be left on a cliffhanger!
"Well, I don't have to start the dresses right now," Rarity though aloud. "I can easily do them tonight." That settled it. Rarity got comfortable again and continued on.
Suddenly, Rarity stopped. She just stopped. It was as if something in the book was so...out there, that it just threw her off completely.
"Wait a second. W-what's with all the machines? And the whips? And the-"
Curiosity took control of Rarity again, and she continued. As Rarity read though, her eyes suddenly grew wide, and a scarlet streak appeared across her face. She could feel her head start to heat up, but she couldn't stop reading.
"What are you thinking, Mr. Hay? What- No. No you're not!"
"Ana, this is not very ladylike at all! You can't just- OH MY SWEET SUN GODDESS NO!!"
"You want to do WHAT with hoofcuffs?"
"No no no no NO! That is NOT what a riding crop is for!"
"How did this even get published?! This isn't even romantic! It's- OH GODDESS, THAT ISN'T NATURAL!!"
"Is that even legal?! Why would you even want that?!"
"Ok, THAT is just absurd! Why are you continuing this relationship?! The ball gag would've been my clue to get the flank out of town! Or just ask for more, that works too."
The castle door creaked open as Twilight and Spike entered carrying stacks of boxes and bags. As soon as they arrived at the throne room, Spike set his stack down and groaned as he stretched out his back.
"Thanks for helping me shop today, Spike," Twilight said with a smile. "I didn't even realize we were out of so much stuff."
"Can't imagine why that would be," Spike responded sarcastically as he headed of toward his room. "I'm gonna lie down for a bit."
"Go ahead, Spike. You earned it," Twilight giggled. "I'm gonna go and finish my new book! I've been dying to know what's going to-"
Twilight was suddenly interrupted by a loud, attention-seeking cough. Twilight jumped a bit turned around to see Rarity, just standing in the corner. Twilight let out a sigh of relief and smiled. "Rarity. You scared me there. I didn't even know you were here. What can I-" Twilight's eyes suddenly grew wide when she saw that Rarity was holding 50 Shades of Hay with her magic. She also noticed the look on Rarity's face.
It was not a happy one.
Twilight instantly felt a blush appear on her face and sweat starting to form on her forehead as Rarity continued to just glare at her for a good minute. Finally, Twilight had to break the ice. "Uh...Rarity?" she said, followed by a nervous chuckle. "Is...that my new book?"
"This...book," Rarity practically spat, "is filth. FILTH!" Twilight jumped a bit at Rarity's sudden outburst. Rarity quickly regained her composure and continued, staring daggers into the alicorn before her.
"I can't believe somepony as...sophisticated as you would own such a book! I would even be less surprised if it was Fluttershy, but you? You are supposed to be a dignified princess of Equestria! Twilight, for you to stoop to such a level as to read something so...descriptively raunchy is...well I just can't put it into words! I haven't even finished it, but the parts I read? With ball gags and riding crops and hoofcuffs and..." Rarity shuttered a bit, "what was being done with them? I have never read anything more graphic in my life! Why would you even consider continuing to read such a piece of...vulgarity?"
Twilight opened her mouth to answer, but Rarity spoke first. "You know what? I don't want to know! I don't want to know why you would want to continue after reading past the wonderfully graphic details about, what is it called, BDSM! I don't even care. It's your life, your book, you can do whatever you please. But just know this, Twilight; I expected a lot more ladylike reading selections from the Princess of Friendship. I am just appalled! Now, if you'll excuse me," Rarity stomped passed her friend and headed for the throne room doors, "I'm going home to do more civilized things, like starting my new line of dresses. Good day, Twilight!"
Twilight watched in both guilt and confusion as Rarity marched towards the doors and opened them. Just then, Twilight noticed that 50 Shades of Hay had made its way into Rarity's saddlebag.
"Rarity?" Twilight called out. "Can I have my book back?"
"LATER!!" Rarity snapped back before slamming the doors behind her.
