A click.

The whir of a focusing lens.

Bright green hair and a pink amaranth face, the latter sporting a huge grin, sat in the focus of the camera. Lemon Zest kept her grin, pressing a button on the remote to start recording her newest vlog.

"Hey dudes! It's the one and only Lemon! And not the kind you clear from your browser history!" she let out a laugh, wiping a fake tear from her eye. "Oh if I didn't learn how to laugh at myself, I'd have been dead by now. Let me start this vlog by saying, if you are under 18 or even under 15, you need to click the little "back" arrow and just watch a different video." Lemon paused before continuing, "Yeah we both know you didn't do that. Anywhore, it has been a while since my last vlog, so I thought today would be a good day to do some fun with just us. It's been such a long time and I felt like we drifted, so I wanted a day to just get closer, y'know? Doesn't that sound like fun? No? Well then I don't know why you're here if you didn't want to have fun. I mean I go through all the work to make these videos and edit them, just for you to say you don't like my vlogs? Oh, you want more gaming? Well too bad! I'm vlogging today and you'll enjoy it!!"

The rocker paused and giggled, "That got dark fast. What was I talking about? That's right, spending time with you guys. In the spirit of wanting one-on-one with you dudes, I sent out a whinny on Trotter, and asked what you all wanted to watch me do. Some of you wanted me to watch cringe videos, others said to do the 'Try Not To Laugh' challenge. But there was one Trot. One of them that scraped the bottom of the bucket. It pushed a lot of luck, but in the end, I'm a girl who just wants to have a lot of fun. Someone that likes to push the administrators' buttons at Hooftube HQ. So, in light of the day, I feel there is no better way to get close than with cooking! Not just any cooking though. We're gonna be making waffles today," Lemon leaned down, pulling a bright blue and carefully detailed eight inch suction cup dildo from the bag. "Oh, yes. We're making dildo-blue waffles."

Lemon grabbed the camera, taking it and the dildo out to the kitchen. "Indigo isn't home yet, so this'll go without any criticisms. At least for a while."

She propped the camera up, smiling but recoiling as she realized her face was close. "Whoa! Sorry about that, guys, you didn't need to see my skin cells like that. Now, if you have a dildo just laying around at home, we can do this together! No I am just kidding, whatever you do, do NOT try this at home, kids."

"Anywhore, back to the baking. What you need is a brightly colored rubber or plastic dildo. Make sure to not use metal or battery operated ones! That's even more of a fire hazard!" the rocker girl let out a forced laugh, continuing her video. "Now that you have that, make sure your waffle iron is heated up nice and hot, then spray non-stick butter to the iron."

Lemon Zest waved her hand over the iron, shaking away the heat as she picked up the bottle of non-stick spray. "Now, it's best to use name brand, but I don't want to be sued so I'm using this one. You just spray it all over the iron like so," she sprayed the iron, smiling. "Oh yes, it is getting caramelized fast. Mm! If I were making real waffles this'd be perfect. But, unfortunately, I'm just destroying Indigo's fucking waffle iron."

The green-haired girl picked up the fake shlong, the suction cup making a loud 'POP' as it came off the granite counter. She laughed for a few minutes at the sound before composing herself, "That noise is just too much. When Indy and I were buying this thing, for the video of course, I literally spent like 20 minutes just popping the suction cups off the glass stands."

"Now that we have everything ready, we just place this malleable man-meat on the burner," Lemon put the dildo on the iron, shutting it as far as it could go and pushing down. The burner was smoking almost immediately, the dildo letting out a slight searing noise from the heat. A small whistle was heard, but otherwise the rubber phallus slowly stopped resisting its fate.

"Whew, we may need to take this outside, or maybe open the window," Lemon smelled the air, making a face. "Yes, we need to open a window. That is toxic. Again, don't try this at home, all of these tutorial steps are completely satire."

After a few minutes she lifted the lid, the blue dildo inside melted to Tartaurus and back. "Aww yeah! This is so cool! It's all gross and goopy! It reminds me of myself, actually."

As she pressed the iron back into place, the door to the apartment of the energetic pseudo-baker opened. Indigo Zap had come home from her volleyball practice to the smell of burnt rubber. Singed rubber, to be exact. She rolled her eyes, going straight to the kitchen and looking at her girlfriend as she stood in front of the camera.

"What are you doing?" the athlete stared at Lemon, completely unamused.

"Hey, Indy baby! I'm making a blue waffle with this!" Lemon exclaimed, opening the iron.

"...why would you do that?!"

"Because it's funny!"

"I didn't spend 20 bucks on that for you to make it into a breakfast mold! I bought it to give you some god damn pleasure, Lemon Zest!"

"Oh it is! I've been laughing my ass off for an hour!"

"You're impossible! It's the big one isn't it?!"

"Yeah the one that never fit, so it's cool!"

Indigo stood red-faced from anger, storming down to her room with a huff, "You're such a child, Lemon!"

The pink rocker looked to the camera, smiling, "She'll be fine. Trust me, she'll find this hilarious in the end. Speaking of my breakfast gold, I think it's done!"

With that, Lemon removed the top of the iron, the strands of melted rubber sticking to the crevices in the top. Lemon burst out laughing, nearly falling to the floor. She gasped for air, panting as she spoke, "Oh my gosh, this is amazing! I mean, it's fucking stuck to a greased grill! This is the best day of my life!" The pink girl continued to laugh for ten minutes, figuring she'd edit that part out later. The rocker picked up the camera to give them a view of the still veiny waffle molded into the creases of the iron. She just about dropped the camera as she laughed, but she regained her composure.

"W-Well that does it for this dildo, and the episode. Quick shout out to my bud Vinyl Scratch! She's got a new music video coming out this Friday, so be on the lookout for a girl with blue hair that matched this dick spinning some turntables! As always, if you liked it, be sure to hit that thumb so hard it spins, also subscribe because I make new videos every damn day! Stay sweet Lemonheads! Zesty's outta here!" She blew a kiss to her fans, waving good bye.

And with that Lemon turned off the camera, cleaned up the mess, and went to her room. She uploaded the video in silence, putting her headphones on and turning her music up loud. She lay down on her bed, staring at the ceiling, grateful to her music for stopping the grating silence that followed these videos.

Being a Hooftuber was a lot of fun, but most of the time, it was just real life grinding on her shoulders. Stress, pressure, and fighting her inner demons. Most of all silence. Once the camera turned off, real life reared its ugly head and roared behind her. Lemon Zest had fun with her job, but once the fun was over, all that was left was silence.

Fucking silence.

Author's Note

This story was inspired by Shane Dawson's waffle iron videos. Since he can't waffle iron a dildo, I have done it instead!
Also inspired my KrismPro and Minx.

I've always wanted to make this story, but popular demand for my Dazzlings story has put it off. I finally buckled down to write this one, and I hope you like it! It's gonna be a long walk ahead of us, folks!

Written with love,
Pan/Nyx