Discord's Random Stories

by Saberking2012

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe
Length: 4592

Discord writes random stories about random things and invites his friends to listen.

Discord writes random stories about random things and invites his friends to listen. What can possibly go wrong?

*If you are confused, your not alone as this will only get weirder with each story:rainbowlaugh:*

*Disclaimer-This may be considered a "Troll-fic" but I promise you this will not be offensive or do anything to hurt someone. *

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-05 19:37:15 UTC

Miles's Day Off-An Unexpected Event

What a nice day this turned out to be. Nopony to bother me. Nothing to watch over. Yep, this is the life.I wish everyday was like this, but sadly: I only get three days off a year, and this is the only one until Nightmare Night. And the only reason I've got this one is because I lied about it being my birthday. It'll be quite a while before it comes around, but mother always said to make do with what I have.

I looked over to a cliff and it wasn’t much of a view but it was a nice view nevertheless. I heard a strange sound above me. It appeared to be a wormhole though I wasn’t to sure. I moved back and a couple of sealed boxes fell down near me. What the heck? There appears to be writing on the side of it. Happy birthday Miles. From So- Wait what?! As I said that, I heard a laugh.

“How’s that, Miles? A voice asked.

I turned around to see that it was Sota. What’s she doing out here? I mean I don’t mind but…

“Sota? What are you doing here? More importantly… were those boxes suppose to be from you? How come you didn’t just teleport with them?” I asked.

She shrugged and said,

“Well I wanted to try out my device and see if it would work before going in there myself. Seems to work just fine and on top of that, they showed up on time. But on a off related note, happy birthday, Miles. Were you surprised?”

I nodded as she asked me.

“Y-Yea I was but… It’s not actually my birthday, so yea, I was really surprised.”

She raised her eyebrow and seemed surprised by my comment.

“What?! What do you mean it isn’t your birthday?!” She asked shocked.

I nodded.

“I only said that so I could get a day off.” I told her.

“Oh, I knew that.” She said shaking it off.

I smiled and just went along with it.

“Did you now?” I asked sarcastically.

“Of course. All I would have to do is look it up at Canterlot and boom, there we go.” She replied.

She has a point but if that’s the case, why did she sent this? Well free stuff is still nice so…

“Lately, I’ve took it upon myself to surprise everypony by throwing them a party, even though it isn’t their birthday.” She said, glaring at me.

I feel like she’s just saying that to cover up her tracks but then again, she does do a lot of random things so she could be telling the truth. I’ll just go along with it to keep the conversation going.

“I see… and you just felt like doing this to me as well?” I asked.

“Yep.”  She replied.

“So I can assume these gifts are just fake then, right?” I asked.

She shook her head and seemed to be think of something else. What it is I have no idea.

“What do you mean? Those are still gifts to you regardless.” She replied smiling.

Whoa… So ignoring the fact I lied about my birthday, she’s still going to hand me these gifts? I would be lying if I didn’t say this seems like a trap. I better pick my words carefully or I may lose these gifts.

“Pick whichever one you want.” She said.

Scratch that, I get only one. Well it still works out but which one should I pick? Ah decision, decision…

“Y-you sure about this? I mean it isn’t my birthday… not that I’m complaining or anything, it’s just…” I said picking my words.

She smiled, and said,

"Don't sweat it the details, Miles. And let’s not let ourselves be bound by something as dumb as dates. You can have a birthday whenever you just feel like it. I can just change it today if you wish.

“Whoa, I think that’s going a bit far. Besides, today’s nothing special. I just felt like having a day off  you know? I can only guess your just bored out of your mind and had nothing better to do.” I said slightly annoyed.

She went from smiling to a frown after I said that.

“Just pick one already.” She said annoyed.

Hmmm…. There’s a big box and a small box. I know that big things come in small boxes but… What if I pick the wrong one? Ahhh! This is so aggravating. Ah screw it I’ll jus-

“Watch out below!” a voice yelled.

I looked up to see something or rather somepony falling from the sky…again.

“Ahhh! Something fell from the sky again!” I yelled.

I helped the pony up and after she dusted herself off, I noticed that it was Ditzy.

“Where the heck did you come from?” Sota asked astonished.

“I was just flying back to Ponyville after a long trip, my wing started to cramp up. I fell and here I am.” Ditzy replied happy.

Oddly enough, that explains that but still… Well that’s not important right now. In either event, lets see what’s behind this box.

“Something smells nice in this box.” Ditzy said sniffing it.

“Yea. Come to think of it, I’m starting to notice it as well.” I said.

As I said that, I heard somepony else showed up. For once, it’s not from the sky. Finally a change of pace. He had a neat composure and he held himself rather highly. His mane was even lovely and was ju- whoa wait a minute. I lost myself for a sec. Anyways I wonder what brought this stallion here.

“Fancy Pants… Strange seeing you here.” Sota said coldly.

So it seems that she knows him. It just begs the question on how many ponies she knows. Ah, I can figure that out later. I’m more curious on why he’s here. He looked at Sota and said,

“I left Ponyville to obtain some fresh leaves. Normally I would just send somepony else but I had nothing better to do so I went to get it instead. I stopped dead in my tracks when I smelled something fantastic.”

So it seems that even this stallion could smell the scent coming from this box. Just how strong is it and why didn’t I notice it earlier?

“Ah… so you noticed it as well, huh?” Sota asked still acting coldly.

I wonder why she’s been so distant towards him. Then again, she’s normally like this so I shouldn’t be to surprised.

“Hey Sota, may I ask what’s behind this box?” I asked.

At first, she was reluctant to answer but after she looked at us, she let out a long sigh and said,

“Well, I was going to run a test and see which box you would open. Unfortunately, it seems that it was triggered to early thus ruining the surprise. I’ll open both boxes for you starting with the small one.

She opened the lid on the small one and inside of it was a mountain of candy. Huh… so my guess was off but not by much. My guess was food related.

“Aw this is it! This was what I smelled.” Ditzy said drooling.

“It has a extremely captivating smell.” Fancy Pants said drooling.

“I made these just for you, Miles.” Sota said.

For me?! Wow that’s…  amazing. I was about to hug her but she stopped me.

“Just a thank you will suffice.” She said with a cold look in her eyes.

“Oh…Thanks.” I told her.

“Don’t hold back now. Oh… and  feel free to share some with those two if you wish.” She said reluctantly.

“I would love some if you don’t mind.” Ditzy said politely.

I would like to try a piece as well, if that's perfectly alright with you, sir." Fancy Pants asked with a nod.

How could I say no to that?  Not only where they nice about it, but they where patient enough to do so. I nodded.

“Of course. The more the merrier right? You should join us as well, Sota.” I said.

She shrugged and seemed to be in her own little world. Can’t please everyone. Then again, she can just make more if she wants so…  Don’t mind if I do…

“Time to dig in.” Ditzy demanded.

Fancy Pants said nothing and went ahead and tried it. That was unexpected. All this in one day. I’ll remember this day forever.  Still, even if she’s being nice, something didn’t ring right to me. Normally if she does anything, it results in something weird happening. I ignored my concerns and tried it.

“So is that how you see me?” Sota asked.

“Ah! How did you know what I was thinking?” I asked surprised.

“I’ve been reading your mind since I’ve been here and the things I’ve uncovered rather…intrigued me. Normally I would feel insulted but I’ve been called worse.” She replied.

Oddly enough, that explains why she seemed to be out of it.

“But to think you would give me candy and they look rather cute and colorful on top of that. The taste is something…” I said trying to find the words.

“The taste…?” She asked.

All of a sudden, my breathing was off and I was feeling weird.

“I don’t feel so good…” Ditzy said holding her stomach.

“I also feel weird… my sight is getting blurry.” He said holding his head.

Sota started to laugh like crazy. I knew there was something.  Agh, My hoofs started to feel numb.

“I see.  Any other symptoms you notice?” She asked still laughing.

“My body… I-it’s burning up like crazy!” I said trying to contain myself.

“And what about you two? Anything?” She asked.

I looked over to them and the once calm stallion is freaking out.

“I feel like there’s nothing I can’t do!” Ditzy yelled happily.

“What is this strange feeling? I feel like I’m in my prime now. I have so much energy I don’t know what to do with it. AHHHHH!” He yelled.

“Hmm, so all three of you where affected. Seems I’ve overdone myself.” Sota said smirking.

As she said that, she started to jolt down some notes.

“S-Sota…What are you writing down?” I asked shuddering my words.

She took her eyes off her board and looked at me with cold eyes.

“Hm? Well I wanted to try out this new experiment that would transcend from your past family. You see, everypony has something unique or to put it bluntly, something only you carry. I.E your family has darker mane along with a speech impediment. Fancy pants past family used to be known for being… lets say not civilized. As for Ditzy… I’ve got nothing. I could go on but we would be here all day.” She said looking at them.

“Effects…? W-What the heck did you give us? It’s nothing you can find that’s for s-sure.” I told her.

“Honestly did you really expect me to make regular candy? That would be stupid for one. What you just ate is something I would like to call ‘natural instinct‘”. She said looking back her board.

“N-Natural i-instinct?” I asked

“Correct. It will awaken your past life… No, rather sleeping genetic instincts that have been cast aside in the gene pool as time passed." She replied.

I looked back over to Ditzy and Fancy Pants and they seemed to have calm down for now.

“So many different words. I don’t understand.” Ditzy said, confused.

“I think I can clear up what she means. In other words, you want to see what we were like before… Am I correct? He asked.

“That’s a dumber way of putting it yes. Also to insure that you are unable to spit out the candy, I made sure to add certain flavors that you can’t resist.” Sota said with a smile.

“Certain f-flavor?” I asked.

“Basically, your guilty pleasure.” She replied.

“S-Seriously?!” I asked angered.

She just laughed it off and continued to jolt down notes.

“Huh? O-Oh no…So, What’s going to h-happen to us after this?” I asked, scared.

“You will blow up. Boom. History. Never to be seen again.” She said, uncaring.

“W-What?! Are you s-serious?!” I asked, now frightened.

“Just kidding. That’s what I’m here to study.” She replied, laughing.

“That’s not f-funny. I really thought I was going to die.” I told her.

She ignored my concern and continued to examine us.

“This isn’t the time to joke around, Sota! I don’t have time to put up with this madness. I have to get the leaves and get back to the party before it’s to- oh, what are you doing with that?!” Fancy Pants asked mid-sentence.

Sota pulled out what appeared to be a ball.

“C-Could that be a ball?!” He asked surprised.

“It appears so b-but what about it, Fancy Pants?” I asked confused.

“What are you waiting for, Sota?! Hurry up! Hurry up and throw it. Make sure it goes far so I can get myself a good workout!” Fancy Pants said  yelled.

W-Whoa. He’s completely lost control of h-himself. He’s a-acting like a dog. Wait a minute… is his family like a dog or s-something? Could’ve fooled m-me.

“It seems I failed to mention that his past family is related to dogs. Ironic considering he’s now or rather was high class.” She said.

“Quickly! Throw it!” He yelled.

“Ugh… your drooling now. How degrading. Any creditbily you had is gone now… Anyways go fetch!” She yelled.

She threw it quite a d-distance.

“Not bad but that won’t be enough to stop me!” He yelled.

“Go get it, boy!” She demanded.

Fancy Pants started to sprit at a s-speed not to far behind the ball. His once lovely mane is now dancing in the w-wind. In the time it took the ball to travel, he was out of sight in the m-matter of moments. N-Never took him to be the fast type. Kind of scary I-in a way. Seems Sota wasn’t j-joking. I’m scared as to what’s going to happen to me n-next.

“I can’t see him anymore.” Ditzy said still looking.

"That'll take him a while..."  Sota mumbled.

“W-Why would you do that?!” I asked shocked.

“No reason in particular. I always hated that slop. Acting like he’s so much better. He was actually a lot more gross then I pictured. Well that’s life for you I guess.” She replied.

“Yea. He was pretty scary.” Ditzy said, in a frightened tone.

“Alright, I can’t deny that, but in his d-defense, you made him that way.” I told her.

“Sorry but this one isn’t completely my fault.” Sota said disgusted.

“His tongue was hanging out and everything!” Ditzy said freaked out.

“W-Was it really? I don’t think we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves h-here." I said, concerned.

“Oh I wonder what everypony would say if they saw him like this?” Sota asked laughing.

Ok she’s scaring m-me now. Note to self: Never make h-her angry.

“That face of yours is just screaming evil i-intent. I bet your going to trick him into eating it a-again aren’t you?” I asked scared.

“I wouldn’t be making judgment calls if I were you. There’s a lot of things I can say about you if I wished. More importantly, how come you two don’t have any strong urges?” She asked confused.

“U-Urges?” I asked.

“I’m starting to feel a tingling sensation.” Ditzy said shaking.

All of a sudden, I felt s-somepony pounced on me.

“W-What the heck?!” I yelled.

“Stop right there, muffin. I’m so hungry I could eat you!” She yelled.

Ahh!  She’s d-drooling. Does she think I-I’m food? I better do something before I get munched to d-death.

No, D-Ditzy! I’m not f-food. Snap o-out of it, Ditzy!” I demanded.

“Not you.” She said.

It was then I noticed she was looking at my t-tail. I guess that’s not to bad but s-still…

“Now I’m s-starting to feel a urge as well.” I said almost losing myself.

Sapphire just stood there l-looking.

“Alright. We can do this at the same time. Now give me that muffin!” She demanded.

“O-ok…” I said.

“I’m going to enjoy every bite. You ready, muffin?” She asked.

“W-Wait a second!” I yelled.

“What is it?” She asked.

“Please… b-be gentle.” I told her.

“Of course… Is what I would say!” She said nibbling.

“H-Hey! B-Be careful!” I told her.

She ignored my c-cries and keep trying to eat my tail. With each passing moment, the pain  increased and I tried to push her off but she p-pinned me down. I was unable to move and I cried o-out in pain as she keep eating my tail. I k-know she’s not in control but I just wish she would be more gentle. After what seemed like f-forever, I heard a pop. I looked at me strangely and I looked over at what rolled in front of me. It was none other then my t-tail.

“M-MY TAIL!” I yelled.

“Well this is new. I’ve heard of lizards losing their tails but not ponies. I’ll have to look into this but given the current situation, I would have to say you partly come from a lizard although I’m not to sure. Had you not had that genetic species, your skin would have peeled off and you would have been… “exposed” for a lack of better words. Bacteria would have made way into your exposed body eventually leading into a fatal infection, and possibly death but that’s just from speculation.” She said coldly and astounded.

“S-stop analyzing this so calmly! And that l-last part was actually pretty damn scary!” I told her.

“I’m so sorry. I really messed up didn’t I?” Ditzy asked.

I looked over to her and ignoring what just h-happen, I knew she wasn’t in control.

“It’s f-fine. I know you weren’t in c-control.” I told her. “Wait a m-minute! If I’m partly a l-lizard, then will my tail came back?” I asked.

“Improbable. Unlike lizards, I’m pretty sure ponies are unable to regenerate unless you’re a Unicorn that knows that type of magic but even then there a chance that may not work.” Sota replied.

“So I’m s-stuck like this?!” I asked.

“Look at the bright side of this.” Ditzy said trying to be nice.

“How’s t-that?” I asked confused.

“We could start a business with this tail. It’s nice and I’m sure there are plenty of ponies who would love to have a tail like this.” She replied.

I-I look at Sota and she looked surprised by her comment.

“I’m not going to lie, that’s actually a nice idea but… I would say it would last three days

at best.” She said.

“What’s t-that suppose to mean?” I asked.

“Sure right now it’s nice, fluffy and dare I say adorable but let’s think logically for a minute. It’s a bunch of dead cells that no longer work. Eventually they will decay and… I’m sure you get the idea. Of course, if you can withstand the smell then go nuts.” She said calmly.

I wouldn’t l-last two minutes with it. When s-she puts it that way, it won’t work out.

“Hey, that might be a selling point to those who really want it.” Ditzy said.

“I-I don’t want everypony touching my dead parts even if it is for a profit!” I yelled.

I noticed she was disappointed by m-my answer.

“I believe I have the right to s-say whatever I please since I just lost my tail.” I told her.

Sota looked at me funny like I said something dumb.

“Is it that shocking that you lost your tail?” She asked.

“That’s easy you t-to say. You two still have y-yours, witch is why you don’t know what I’m going though right now.” I replied angered.

“Let me inform you that I’ve had to fix myself more times then I bother to count but sure I don’t know what your going though. Well to be fair, I can see your point. Alright how about this: We can remove our tails if you wish. Is that what you want?” She asked nicely.

“Good idea. This way it will be fair.” Ditzy said smiling.

“H-Huh? You guys would d-do that for me?” I asked surprised.

“If it would make you stop whining, then by all means I will. That and it will give me an excuse to try something new. I would have to get back to Canterlot and test it out but I’m percent-eight precent sure I could do it. I’ll have to surgically remove yours Ditzy. As for mine… It will be a bit more complicated for reasons I already stated.” Sota said annoyed.

“Ok s-stop please… You’re starting t-to sound like a crazy medic now.” I told her.

She smiled as I-I said that. Is s-she laughing at this?

“I wouldn’t say that. It’s just that it’s nice to be called crazy. I am a quote-unquote “Mad Scientist”.” She replied.

“Stop r-reading my mind. It’s a h-huge invasion of privacy. How would you like it if everypony read your mind?” I asked.

“Wouldn’t bother me. Nopony would understand what I’m thinking anyways so… and even if they did, it would only peak my interest on what they know.” She said.

"Ok, ok, I g-get it. Please just stop it.” I told her.

She gave me confused l-look.

"You sure you’re ok with this?” She asked.

I don’t them to suffer just because I lost s-something important. Besides, I need to be the bigger pony h-here and at worse, I’m different then everypony else. But that’s what makes m-me unique compared to everypony else and in the end, I’m still the same mare. N-Not having a tail doesn’t decided who I am. I looked at b-both of them and nodded.

“Yes…I’m sure it was p-probably fate or something, that I lost my tail. I’ll admit,  I feel a bit different without a tail but I’m still me so I-I’ll get use to it.” I said miserably.

Sota s-smiled. Either because I’m depressed or something l-like that.

“A decent moral, but this is hardly the time to have an epiphany. Either way, it looks like you’re coming into terms without a tail.” She said with a faint smile.

“We should make a grave for this poor thing.” Ditzy said gloomy.

“You’re r-right. I can’t just l-leave it out here.” I said agreeing.

S-She started to dig a hole. I helped out as w-well. Thank you… you won’t b-be forgotten… I took one long l-last look before placing it in the hole. I g-guess it just goes to show that you shouldn’t take things for granted. I-I know this may sound stupid but Celestia … Please watch over my tail from the a-afterlife. I wonder if tails even h-have a afterlife?

“Farewell, tail.” Ditzy said.

Little by little, we c-covered up my tail in dirt.

“I would be lying if I didn’t say that I felt slightly bad for you. I underestimated you and I’m sorry for that. It was a pretty bold choice you made but I have a confession to make. I could have just attached your tail back if you wish.” Sota said with a slight laugh.

“I-I’m sorry what?” I asked.

“But I love that determined spirit of yours.” She said ignoring my comment.

N-No let’s back up a minute. What did you j-just say?” I asked.

“Hmm? Oh, I could really go for something to eat.” She said still ignoring me.

“Yeah no, t-that’s not what you said at all. It was something along the lines of r-reattaching my tail?!” I asked angered.

“Oh that, yea of course I could. It’s as easy as cooking. It will take about a second or two.” She replied.

“Whaaaaaaaat?! So you just let me put my tail in a grave, said all that and, all you did was w-watch?!” I said angered.

I looked over to see Ditzy still covering it u-up.

“Stop it D-Ditzy! D-Did you not hear what she said?!” I asked.

She looked at me c-confused. Ok let me take a d-deep breath.

“Could you please take it o-out?” I asked nicely.

S-She nodded and started to dig it out.

“Could you please a-attach it back right away and while we are at it, please get rid of this side effect. It’s difficult to talk like this.” I said irritated.

“I thought you were fine without it. Oh the hypocrisy… As for the side effect, fine. Eat this. To be honest, I was getting bored. It was fun at first but now it’s not so much.” She said.

She handed me a piece of candy and I started to feel better.

“Thanks. As for the tail, I still stand by what I said but if it can be attached, I want it attached!” I demanded.

She closed her eyes and seemed to be thinking. After a second, she looked at me.

“This, too, must be instincts… Fair enough. Ok you win. I shall re-attach your tail.” She said reluctantly.

Ditzy digs up my tail and dusts it off. She handed it over to me and I felt something squirming in my hand. There’s something in between the mane although I can’t make out what it is.

“Let me see…” Sota said curious.

I shouldn’t but she’s the only one who could figure out what’s going on. She brushed her hoof though my tail.

“That tickles.” A voice called out.

“What…” I said puzzled.

“Is this?” Sota  finished.

After it escaped her grasp, my tail stood before us. It appeared to have two round blue eyes, and small but cute little limbs. Great, my newly  detached tail can talk, a Canterlot noblestallion is related to dogs, I've been poisoned by a friend of mine for the purpose of study, and I am probably going to need to rethink my choice in friends.

And I thought my day couldn't get any stranger...

“How is this possible?” I asked.

“It’s moving.” Ditzy said surprised.

“Hello.” It said.

Sota looked at it with confusion. I’m just as confused as well.

“Is this a side-effect of the candy? How could her tail gain any molecular structure let alone altered enough to become a “living” being? This could mean only one thing… I created evolution. I’m… speechless.” She said dumbfounded.

“Wait. You of all ponies are speechless? You’re the one who created the candy. You should have known something crazy was going to happen.” I told her.

“Just because I created it doesn’t automatically mean I’ll know what will happen. I told you earlier that I was here to study the effects. Well I can say this… That tail no longer belongs to you that’s for sure.” She said still dumbfounded.

Well I know I said that I’ll remember this day but now I’m sure this will make history.

“Why don’t we show this to everypony?” Sapphire asked.

“I agree. It would be a waste to not to.” Ditzy said agreeing.

“Wait just a minute. Don’t I get a say in this? Are you sure this is a good idea to just show up and show them… This?” I asked.

“Nope.” They both replied.

They ran off excitedly into the distance. I stood here left with more questions then answers. They’re gone… This day went from being normal to the weirdest day of my life. I let out a long sigh. All this from a piece of candy. Speaking of witch, I wonder how Fancy Pants is doing. I hope he’s alright. Guess I better head back to Canterlot before anything else happens.