Binky's Friend : Revisions, Rewrites, and Recidivism

Binky's Friend

Scene 1

[Somewhere in the Everfree Forest...]

“Come Scotophobia! Let's purge this evil. In the name of Equestria for the glory of devistation.” Binky, whose current appearance was that of a young blue eyed white unicorn sporting a black mane with the afterglow of a hundred fireflies, a stripy tail, and crackerjack markings glowed with the faint orange of firewood. Triumphantly the  young god called out to his regalia who promptly transformed from a flightless orange pegasister (with purple eyes and ironically colored B-FF hair) into a chrome spearheaded dagger (or pigsticker).

“HOOO-AHH!” Binky proudly unleashed this battle cry as he promptly sliced the cockatrice into bloody chicken nuggets. His baby blue scarf whipping in the wind as he posed dramatically “Aha, I win!...So, what were we talking about again?” Binky asked as he casually tossed the spearhead towards the ground with a simple flick of the wrist.

With a twirl, Just before hitting pay-dirt, in a flash of light Scotophobia transformed back into a pegasus foal with windswept hair. “Beats me. But, now that we're on the topic; I quit!”

“*GASP! WHAAAh-? How is that even remotely the same issue as you running off to Ponyville and leaving me all alone in Manehatten... Do you have any idea how cold that refrigerator box was without you? DO YOU!

“It's not like you can really die.” Scotophobia huffed.

“B-but, I thought we were friends.” Binky Whined “Imagine how I felt when you ran off for donuts and you never came back. Do you know how long it took me to canvas Manehatten completely unarmed?”

“Look. Binky, you're a real nice guy and all but- *Groan* For the love of Celestia who am I kiding. You're a Jerk! And, no offense, but you smell like my grandmother.” Technically, being the familiar spirit to an orphaned (if not anthropomorphised) embodiment of death, Scotophobia didn't really have a grandmother. But, that didn't change the fact that Binky smelled like mouse urine and rotten apples.

“You don't even have a grandmother! Hell, you're not even technically alive.” Binky knew this would hurt her, because the truth always hurts. As a golem Scotophobia wasn't technically a living creature anyway. And, as such, her soul was only a fragment of his own. Scotophobia's death meant oblivion as Binky could not share her memories, they could only share emotional resonance, corruption of spirit, and sins against nature; which was how Binky was able to track her down in the first place. Her impure, sinful, and masochistic desires towards a classmate attracted the demigod like being to Ponyville like a fly to fertilizer.

“Wow!” Scotophobia said in indignation “I guess there really is no end to your level of jerk.”

“Doesn't change the fact you're a doll, you're like that annoying dragon at the local library that kept needling at me to shut up. I bet you can't even fly without my help.” Binky noticed a slight twinge in Scotophobia and snarled cynically “I'm right, Aren't I. You can't-Can you? you dull ass Bi-.”

“I can fly, I can totally fly on my own!” Scotophobia lied. Which in turn burned Binky like a branding iron.

“*Sst' You know, that really hurts-” It was a difficult choice, but after spending the last five years in physical pain looking for his wayward armament, severing what little connection they had left would be like gnawing off a leg stuck in a bear trap. The air smelled distinctly of burned fur, rotten apples and mouse urine.

“What can I say? I learned from the best.” Scotophobia stuck out her tongue and gave Binky a raspberry.

Then again, he'd be lucky if the scar tissue on his legs managed to heal.

“Fine.” Binky said flatly as he motioned the saccade for lotus and asylum effectively removing any remaning bond between the two. “I release you to your fate. You were a lousy weapon anyway.” the dark patches of fur on his legs slowly fading to ash gray from the glowing black of burned wood. He momentarily looked forward to being able to walk again without it feeling like hot razorwire was wrapped tightly around his legs like compression socks.

“Hallelujah!” Scotophobia merrily skipped off towards Fluttershy's cottage to meet up with her REAL friends so they could get their animal tamer cutie marks. Her last words to Binky were something along the lines “Enjoy amounting to nothing Jerkface. Toot-a-loo!”

“Oh Yeah! Well you're a Bitch. Hah ha! ha...hurn...oh gods, why won't the hurting stop...

A few months later in Canterlot... (relatively speaking) “I'll shlow her, I'll become the greatest Alicorn prinsheist in the world!!!” Binky then took a swig from the bottle of apple cider he picked up from Flim and Flam's Pour-Haus. It was a respectable establishment that just gave the booze away 'free of charge' provided you agreed to help them sell time shares in Tartarus, wherever the heck that was. Not that Binky cared, as long as it provided him with cider and kept him mobile enough to take care of his other responsibilities. It was honest work that let him lush around in alleys all day long.

“Get a Job Yah Hobo!” Said some snooty stuck up pony that threw a quarter at him.

“You Get a chub you filfy aminal...and teh namesh Blinky!” Binky nursed his bottle, “An I'll have you know ah'm the allmighty Gawd Binky! If you need monsters slain, love potions, retrieved lost items, paranormal investigations, consulting advice and/or me for berfday parties; Just Remember, anything you can do I can do better! And, for a reashonable rate I'm even a nice guy. Ha ha!”

Binky’s Friend

Scene 2

[When You Dance The Macabre With A Glaive And A Twist…]

The night was young, the moon was bright, the invasion of the pony snatchers would begin with a fright. Diamond Tiara was laying in bed, sleeping as soundly as one would expect of another pony with a full stomach while wearing a night mask and headphones. Then again, to say she was sound asleep was an understatement. At the moment she was practically dead to the world, and drooling, as snot trickled out of her nose. She had fallen asleep while listening to Saphire Shores and Ra Ra Couture with her music box on repeat. Given these circumstances, in addition to the fact that she put her blinders on, it was inevitable she would remain unaware of the extraterrestrial snake that had slithered into her room through the open window.

Whether the aforementioned creature was from a whole other world, or different dimension, at this stage it was immaterial. Diamond Tiara was its target. And, should the parasitic creature get it’s way, it would possess her body and mind. Even if that meant what remained of its potential host was as spiritually dead as the muzak she listened to on auto-tune. That this happenstance should occur during the night of an invasion of a different sort was just one of those things that made for excellent cover should its mission fail. After all, the alien could not disguise itself from creatures that feed off emotion in resonance anymore than a predator could hide from its prey. Then again, should the snake achieve ecdysis, ascending into a veritable apex predator meant changeling thermadore and alamode.

It slithered around Diamond’s head. In much the way a centipede would curl about its prey before making a calculated strike, it analyzed the sleeping pony in order to determine the quickest method of penetration. Seven holes five of which were currently occupied, six if you count the one that lead directly to the stomach. It was at that precise moment a spider crawled across Diamond Tiara’s muzzle, startling the parasite out of its exploration of Diamond’s physiognomy immediately.

The parasite then cocked it’s head in curiosity when the unconscious pony, evidently acting on instinct, started to giggle and wiggle her nose “Tee hee hee, that tickles.” Tiara said this as she promptly sniffled, perhaps snorted, just before sliding her tongue across the snot dripping out of her nasal passage and using the viscous residue to aid the fleshy muscle of her tongue in the capture of what the parasite would come to learn was a daddy long legs. There was an audible crunch followed by a grinding noise and an audible whisper of “mmmm… Cupcakes!”

The process of elimination is a beautiful thing, the obvious solution to the alien’s dilemma had presented itself almost itself immediately. While the mouth was otherwise occupied, the defense offered by the tongue and choppers left the pony’s tear duct otherwise defenseless. The gelatinous alien snake then tried to take immediate advantage of her inattentional blindness. Sadly, in much the same way the scent of a gingerbread cookie calls attention to itself next to a glass of milk, the snake failed to force its way through Diamond‘s nose hole because it neglected the one obvious flaw in it‘s reasoning. Simply put, ‘spiders are icky.’ For it was not long after the words “Cupcakes” had escaped Diamond Tiara’s lips, an instantaneous effect really, that Diamond started sputtering and spitting what remained of the foul creature like a cat coughing up a hairball.

This of course lead to Diamond Tiara’s realization that something else was trying to invade her person by crawling up her nose and into her tear duct. After sneezing involuntarily in rapid succession, thanking whatever gods of Equestria saw fit to wake her at that moment. Diamond quickly lifted her night mask to make sure she hadn’t lost any brain tissue, as most ponies are want to do after sneezing with enough force to tear through a handkerchief like a goose in a Dutch oven.

It was then that Diamond laid eyes upon her unwanted caller. As what could only be described as the bastard child of a velveteen worm, and an ungodly reptile made of gelatin, coiled itself into a spring and launched itself towards her. Bringing her legs up to protect her face, Diamond winced as the snake struck with such force the venom seemed to burrow into the frog of her right hoof like an earthworm digging through soil as it slowly tore through the panicked pony’s appendage.

The acidic, if not corrosive, worm wriggled and writhed into her forearm like a hot knife through butter. Diamond unleashed a grunting if not groaning scream as she quickly used her headphones to tie off her arm just above the elbow almost to her shoulder to keep the snake from crawling any further up her arm. The commotion having alarmed everyone in the household with loud clopping, banging, and thumping from the struggle. The bedroom door flew open as Filthy, Rich that is, back kicked the object onto the floor with more than enough force to knock the ceiling fan out of its fixture and splinter the frame on its way down.

“NARM SHNAKE! NARM SHNAKE!!” Panicking, Diamond Tiara was attempting to waggle her arm while speaking through gritted teeth that were busy stripping the plastic coating of the headphone wires. While pulling the ear buds tight enough to cinch her infected arm, as her other foreleg assisted, she took one tenth of a second to look at her recently deformed appendage when the pain immediately ceased, only to find the extremity looked completely normal. Clearly, the psychedelic effects of the snake’s venom had worn off and Diamond Tiara was now momentarily dumbstruck as to what happened.

Never mind what she said after spitting out the marshmallow shaped ear buds. Obviously, it was something along the lines of “Daddy!Oh my gods, There was this ugly black snake, and it bit me.” Of course, being that she was completely uninjured (save her pride at the embarrassment of having her father interrogate her to find out if she was using drugs after discounting her story as a nightmare or falsehood), her explanation fell flat and held about as much weight as the wires that were barely holding up what was left of the ceiling fan.

The night proceeded rather uneventfully after that. Diamond’s father decided it would be best if she slept in one of the guest rooms, or rather, take over one of the guest rooms until repairs could be put in order. Diamond agreed, but knew something was off in her father’s request. He was probably going to sweep her room for herbal drugs, orange frogs, or magic mushrooms in the morning. Whatever, it wasn’t like she had anything to hide anyway.

The following morning breakfast was consumed with about as much fanfare and silence as one would expect in the Rich household. One of the maid’s, and a few of the other servants seemed to have a glazed expression on their faces that Tiara probably wouldn’t have noticed if she wasn’t still on high alert after being attacked by a snake the previous evening. Never one to mince words when the truth would fit best Diamond put some marmalade on buttered toast and left for school. Maybe something interesting would happen today, it’s not like there was a fire or an explosion every week in Ponyville…

Binky's Friend

Scene 3

[Death Takes a Holiday...]

Diamond was in Ms. Cheerilee's class pondering the meaning of life the universe and everything else as she sat quietly in critical silence. She glared at Silver Spoon who was doubtlessly ignoring her over some imagined slight (or transgression) as she wrote or doodled something in her notebook. Seriously, it was almost as if Silver Spoon was as dead from the neck up as the rest of the staff at her family mansion.

“She's probably writing up futa' and yaoi' porn again.” Diamond thought to herself as she recalled the oddly titled 'Pony's Master Bait' featuring Fluttershy, Big Macintosh, and his cousin Braeburn down at the local fishing hole. . . Needless to say the story gave new meaning to the classic saw of 'you've got a line and I've got a pole.' Diamond wasn't even entirely sure why she read the darn thing in the first place, there were just some things that can't be unseen. And, that sort of thing was best left to the imagination of the one who conceived it.

Ms. Cheerilee was doubtlessly teaching something that probably had limited practical utility, at least in Diamond Tiara's opinion. Some of the students were taking notes, and Diamond decided to use the time more effectively by finishing up her math homework. After thinking over the events that had occurred shortly after she was bitten by the snake the preceding evening, it occurred to her that her body did feel kind of numbed all over, like she was half asleep. “I'm so confused...Was it a dream? Which part was the dream? Is it possible I'm really dead? I mean I've had breakfast. And, I'm at school... So I guess that means I'm alive. Then again...” She thought to herself “This seems awfully convenient, If hell were a place it would definitely be Ponyville.” She looked over at Silver Spoon briefly and thought about her odd behavior and that of her father's staff this morning. . . Nah, only a screwball would think the town was being overrun by changelings.

“Hey, Silver. What's my favorite color?” Diamond Tiara asked. It was a pretty stupid question, but it was the only way she could be sure Silver Spoon hadn't been replaced by a changeling or something more sinister.

Silver Spoon had a look of terror on her face for a moment, a look one would expect to see if she'd be caught writing yaoi' porn in her class notebook. “I-uh don't know. Is it blue?”

“HA!” Diamond Called out drawing the attention of the rest of the class as she pointed an accusing hoof “I knew it, You're a cha-” Silver Spoon was panicking and sweating bullets while darting her eyes around the room looking for either an ally or an escape route.

“Oh...wait, I guess you're right.” The look of dumbstruck, if not nervous, relief on the obvious wolf in sheep's clothing went completely unnoticed by the narcissistic heir to the Rich family estate.

Ironically, it was Apple Bloom who was the first to speak up “Are you feeling all right Diamond?”

Diamond Tiara then groaned “Sweet Celestia, why does everything suck? This sucks. Everything SUCKS. I hate my parents, I hate this S#!7y school, I hate my S#!7y classmates, I hate the S#!7 eating pussy look I get on my face when I'm depressed. IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT EVERYTHING SUCKS!” Diamond Tiara then glared at Apple Bloom. “Maybe if some-pony were nicer to me... I... oh, F@$%! did I just say that out loud?”

This was followed by an awkward moment of silence that was broken by a smart ass remark from their teacher. “Well, Tiara, I think you'd look very pretty today if you cleaned up your mouth.”

Apple Bloom was the only one in class who laughed.

“Why don't you go suck you mother's tit blank flank?” Diamond Tiara stated contemptuously as she addressed the laughing sadist.

“My Mama's dead! You know that.” was Apple Bloom's angry retort.

“Awe, tough titties? No worries, I'm sure the maggots have cleared that up by now."

“You better get ready to DIE! Bitch.” Apple Bloom Growled. “I'm going to kill you-”

“GASP! Apple Bloom, I'm surprised at you.” Ms. Cheerilee seemed genuinely shocked to hear Apple Bloom grace her virgin ears with a threats of homicide. “Both of you are staying after class for detention."

“That ain't Fair. Ah ain't done nuffing!” Apple Bloom whined.

“Yeah! How're we supposed to get our grave digging cutie marks if Apple Bloom-” Sweetie Belle immediately piped up with her own smart remark until Cheerilee glared at her... at least Cheerilee thought it was a smart remark until Scootaloo said something that almost scared the poo out of her.

“Shut up, You're going to get us caught.” Scootaloo hissed at Sweetie Belle as Cheerilee looked at her with an expression of horrified curiosity. It was then that she realized what exactly seemed off about this morning's roll call.

“Oh my gods, has anyone seen Twist?” Cheerilee asked as the cutie mark crusaders shared a guilty if not conspiratorial look between the three of them. Shockingly, it was Silver Spoon who put Ms. Cheerilee at ease.

“Uh, Yes! I saw her Ms. Cheerilee... She... was... over at Sugarcube Corner and... said she would be late... because she had to run a few errands for Ms. Chrysalis- I mean Mrs. Cake.” This was followed by a nervous laugh as she seemed to sense Twist walking into class without turning her head “Well, Speak of the devil-” although on a subconscious level Silver Spoon was thinking “Oh thank merciful Chrysalis, reinforcements have arrived.”

“Sorry I'm late Miz Cheerilee-” The look of horror on the crusaders faces as they slowly turned their heads in the direction of Twist, who seemed to have the same glazed expression Silver Spoon was wearing this morning hadn't done anything to put her at ease. “I had to... do stuff. For...Pinkie Pie.”

“That's quite all right. I wasn't teaching anything important anyway.” The crusaders all had a paler that reflected the horrified look on their collected faces, as if they had just seen a ghost.

“AHA! I knew it!” Diamond Tiara Cheered triumphantly, having confirmed Ms. Cheerilee was nothing more than a glorified babysitter.

“I'm not a changeling Tiara, and Silver Spoon isn't one either. You're just a Screwball.” Said Twist.

“Wait, I never said-” Diamond Tiara was starting to connect the appropriate dots. This wasn't hell, either this was a changeling invasion or she was still tripping balls from the leftover snake venom in her system... and, she wasn't even entirely sure the snake was real. “Oh Luna, I hope I'm still asleep.”

“Oh, thank Celestia, it's just another changeling. I was worried Binky might have gotten lonely again.” Scootaloo sighed in relief.

“Who's Binky?” Sweetie Belle asked. Having overlooked the fact that Scootaloo had confirmed Twist was indeed a changeling.

“Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.” Was all Scootaloo was willing to offer on the subject.

“Wah-wow, that-that hole jus' cleared right up. Didn't it?” Apple Bloom laughed nervously “I'm ah guessing tha boo-lay jest grazed you- didn't it? You, should'na done that. You had us awl skeered there for a while Twist. An One oh' these dayz your gon'na have to tell us how you did that trick, cause that sure as shootin' didn't look like jello.

“For the love of-” Scootaloo face hoofed “Apple Bloom. That ain't Twist, the real Twist is still sleeping down at the clubhouse gathering mushrooms and blowflies.”

“But, if she was just sleeping, then why'd you tell us she was dead?” Sweetie Belle asked innocently.

Scootaloo started to bang her head on the desk with several thumps in rapid succession. While mumbling something about the confederacy of idiots around her.

Ms. Cheerilee chose that moment to disassociate from the reality of what was coming from the mouth of babes. It finally happened. She was having that nervous breakdown her professor told her she'd have if she started teaching in students Ponyville. She didn't want to believe all the stories about everyone in Ponyville eventually going crazy. Twist was clearly alive. The cutie mark crusaders were definitely not murderers, and Diamond Tiara definitely hadn't grown an extra pair of eye balls at the base of her hoof that were now blinking at her.

Diamond Tiara chose that moment to play heads up seven up in a shameful moment of her own depression spiral. She lay her face on the desk and brought both hooves to cover her ears. Diamond had to admit Scootaloo had the right idea. If only she could block out the world around her for just a few hours more __then__ she wouldn't have to deal with anything, or anyone, more stupid then her own damned self.

“Arg! Everyone hates me.” Diamond thought to herself “What I wouldn't give to just be left alone, to be forgotten. I wish I could just go home, fall asleep, and forget the school day and all my problems never existed. . . Diamond could have sworn she heard an arrogant jerk say something along the lines of “your wish is my command.” before she just kind of blacked out...

“Scotie! Hey Scotie!” Diamond Tiara said before she tore a page out of her composition book rolled it up into a ball and threw it at Scootaloo. “Hey Scotophobia, bet you didn't know I could do this. Did you, huh?”

Scootaloo opened her eyes lifted her head turned to look at Diamond Tiara with an expression of shock. Her eyes were very catlike and familiar. “Oh my god, you didn't-”

“This is called God's Possession.” Daimond Smirked. “Either that or God's curse, I'm not entirely sure... I'll have to ask daddy next time we meet.”

“Oh! So, you think this is some kind of game now Screwball?” Scootaloo glared at Tiara.

“So, anyway this next question is a very difficult one.” Cheerilee had a sick smile on her face as she pretended not to notice Diamond Tiara's complete change in personality, manestyle, eye color, or Scootaloo's seemingly familiarity and reaction to a pony she knew barely engaged in two kind words with or about the filly, and even then only because she hung out with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle on a regular basis.

“Would anyone like to answer the question on the board?”

Diamond raised her left hoof and waved it in the air with a manic “ooh, ooh, ooh!” Mostly because she didn't seem to have complete conscious control of the other fore-hoof for some odd reason. She then sashayed past Scootaloo with a contemptuous smirk “When are you going to realize I'm a God?” Tiara asked. Tiara then turned to face her classmates.

“Oh my, So...You think you're a God now? That's nice.” Cheerilee smiled like one of Starlight Glimmer's happy little puppet ponies.

“Ah, Yes. Allow me to introduce myself... I am the all mighty GOD Binky!” She then decided to use Ms. Cheerilee's desk as a makeshift lectern. “It's my first day in school. Nice to meet you! Tee-hee.” the pony formerly known as Diamond Tiara saluted the class with a goofy looking grin. “Please take good care of me. And remember to tremble in my presence.”

“Are you sure you really want to do something this stupid on your first day?” Scootaloo asked.

“Holy smokes.” Button Mash commented “She's crazier than me.”

“By the way, Diamond, you really can't be seen right now...” Binky said while staring off into space with a contemptuous grin. “Well, Scooter can probably see you. But, nopony else.”

Ms. Cheerilee briefly wondered if she should be documenting her student's decent into madness. And, she probably would be if she wasn't in the middle of a nervous breakdown of her own and standing three hairs away from being bat guano crazy...'Oh those adorable little devil birds and their thirst for apple juice,' the thought flittered across her mind, 'how wonderful it would be to see them migrate.' Yes, indeedy. Maybe now would be a good time to spring for that vacation in Tartarus she'd heard so much about.

Binky then winked and smiled as she hopped onto Ms. Cheerilee's desk and stared off into space “Let me explain!” if someone happens to make a death wish, I can posses their body easily like _this_. That's called God's Possession.” She then sighed as she sat down on the desk awkwardly “I'm actually trying it out for the first time."

“ha ha ha!” Scootaloo laughed hysterically “She's definitely got a set of pipes on her, and I agree you should give her body back you sick S.O.B.”

“I get it, I get it... my shear attractiveness can be overwhelming to mere earth ponies. I guess I should be thanking you for lending me your body. But, as you can see, I didn't really need the help. After all, I'm actually a God.” Binky then proudly stood up on Ms. Cheerilee's desk and posed provocatively as she addressed her classmates.

“That's right every-pony, I am the all mighty God Binky! I will become the greatest God in the world and every-pony will come to worship me as their one true God. And one day, I will have everything I want in this world at my disposal. Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

“Holy cow, Diamond's a total screwball.” said Featherweight.

“Ok, I'm getting a little bit of a clingy girlfriend vibe right now...” Diamond was kind of turning to look in Featherweight's general direction. It wasn't particularly easy to tell with the over the shoulder stare. “But, I should probably be the least of your worries...”

“You and what army?” Featherweight asked.

“it's your soul dummy, how should I know what happened to your arm?”

“Don't worry about it Diamond. It'll be alright, or I'll make it right.” Scootaloo said with a bit of false bravado.

“Forget everything she just said. What's mine is mine, Dummy. And, your body is now heaven's lost property.” Binky smirked.

“Screw that, I'll keep an eye on him for you.” Scootaloo glared at the possessed pony.

“Yeah, whatever” Featherweight commented, “so long as you keep her googly eyes off of me.”

“Relax, you're not dead. You're more like half dead... I mean, you're not all dead. Only. Mostly dead. A little dead? Sitting on the fence...”

“Hey Screwball, you're starting to scare Featherweight.” Apple Bloom interrupted.

“Hmm...I don't know, I'm a pretty busy guy. Maybe two bits would change my mind.” Diamond appeared to be negotiating a settlement

“All of them,” Scootaloo huffed. “Literally every single one.”

“Great, I'll add you to the list.” Binky smiled maniacally.

“Ha ha ha! How long's the list she says?” Scootaloo started laughing hysterically “Good one. Boss. That's classic.”

After lunch, the rest of the school day pretty much went off without a hitch... unfortunately no-pony would remember Diamond Tiara's decent into madness any more then they would remember not to call her Screwball for the next couple of years.

Binky’s Friend

Scene 4

[From Street 2 Slick...]

“So, Diamond…” Scootaloo had to ask, especially now that the three ponies had left the schoolhouse when lessons had ended for the day.

Apple Bloom had actually stayed behind for detention. And, strangely enough, had to remind Ms. Cheerilee what she was there for. Sweetie Belle, out of a misplaced concern in her friend, insisted on waiting for Apple Bloom in the schoolyard’s playground. It wasn't an altogether remarkable playground, especially in light of the grey overcast skies. The mournful song of rusted swing set combined with the otherworldly warble of oddly named canadian geese were the only sound that could be heard outside the clamoring din, if not a thunderous roll, of playful hoof-steps as the foals who had recently escaped their orthodox prison before heading home.

Meanwhile, Screwball (that is to say the all mighty god Binky) was wearing Diamond’s Body like a prophylactic. At least, Scootaloo assumed that was the plan until he recovered from whatever blight his late regalia singed him with as s/he (it? Binky was technically a god) started trotting off in the direction of Sugarcube Corner. So, it was at this point there was no doubt in Scootaloo’s mind that the anthropomorphic personification of death intended to take advantage of Diamond Tiara’s sweet tooth, taste buds, and endless bank account for some treats.

“DT, How exactly did you meet Binky? I mean he doesn’t just grant wishes to anyone out of charity.” Technically, he wasn’t violating the ‘literal spirit’ of Diamond Tiara’s wish, as detention meant the school day wouldn’t end for her (them?, the damned?) until Cheerilee released Apple Bloom from their punishment of shared intention. And, in all honesty, Diamond could (should literally) have just gone home, fallen asleep, and forgotten that the school day had ever happened, even if that meant Diamond was technically cutting class… or that she’d have no idea how sinfully Binky was using her body. Especially if he intended to use it as a track suit.

Not that it was a particularly major concern considering Binky was only about as evil and demonic as Fluttershy’s little Angel. But, if there was a fine line between right and wrong for the anthropomorphic personification of death, using or violating some pony’s body like a meat puppet without their full or conscious consent had to be pretty evil. Then again, being the embodiment of death by dis-ease, sub heading suicide, among other forms of morbidity meant that he was in opposition to all that lived anyway. So, death was technically evil incarnate by virtue that his existence and was the literal opposite of what it means to live.

She snorted. “Unless Screwball over here-” Diamond Glared, with a look that did everything in its power to shoot daggers, at the thing that was currently in possession of her body while keeping stepping time with Scootaloo behind aforementioned screwball. “is that same perverted crackerjack I caught playing with a factory reject dildo this morning by the train tracks this morning, I have no idea.”

Now that she thought about it, Diamond really didn't have many clear memories of this mornings events. It was almost as if a fugue was clouding the memory from her full conscious awareness.

“That was not a dildo, that was my new Testara.” Screwball, that is to say the pony formerly known as Binky, corrected her ungrateful host. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to find a parasprite I could use as a regalia weapon on such short notice. It‘s not like I had access to my blessed vessel. She was busy trying to get her homicider cutie mark or something.”

“For the last time jerkface, I am not your blessed vessel. I could barely stand being your exemplar. And, put your tail down people can see your hooch!” Scootaloo complained.

“Aww, but I thought You liked that. Don’t you?” Screwball purred at Scotophobia mockingly.

“Would you two butt-heads shut up and pay attention to me?” the three legged specter of Diamond Tiara whined with a whimper.

“Oh, Heaven forbid anyone ever stop doing that for two minutes.” Scootaloo muttered. . . “wait, you mean that nubby little circlet thingie you were wearing in the everfree forest the other night was- BWAH HA HA HA HA, snakes alive it really is a factory reject dildo.”

“Her name is Twist and she’s twice the Regalia you’ll ever be. Besides, you‘d be surprised how useful a blackjack with a rubber strap can be. ” Screwball huffed.

“Oh My God, I knew it! Where is she now, is she hiding in the dumpster behind Sugarcube Corner?”

“No!” Binky was offended “I’m not that cruel. If she’s smart then she’ll still be waiting for me in that booth I left her in five hours ago.”

“You left her there -alone- for five hours!? You’re insane. You do realize no one can see her. Right? I mean unless you resurrected her body or made her a new one she’s still just a ghost.” Scootaloo jogged up to match pace with her former patron/dependent so that she was shoulder to shoulder with the screwball. This action was taken so that she could give the body snatcher a piece of her mind.

“Well maybe you should have thought of that before you murdered her!” Binky‘s voice dripping with sarcasm. “Besides, she’s so out of it she couldn’t even recognize her reflection at this point.”

“Of course she’s out of it. She’s a ghost with a head injury. I‘d be stupefied too.” Scootaloo stated with venom.

“Damnit! What the hay are you two filly’s talking about? And would you quit ignoring me!” Diamond Tiara growled as she chased after the two mischief makers trotting up the steps to the entrance of Sugarcube Corner while in the middle of what appeared to be a lover‘s quarrel.

"Hyperacusis." Binky stated with a solemn emotional apathy and dispassionate tone. Diamond wasn't sure Binky had answered her question. The response was given in such a way; as the the tavern's gingerbread styled, olde-world modeled, barn door was opened by the screwball with a heart of gold (simultaneously highlighting one of the most architecturally striking features of Sugarcube corner while reminding Tiara that her body had been commandeered by a self proclaimed god of ill repute) using a less than ambidextrous preference for Diamond Tiara's left arm to open the door. Thus, creating a distressed whine, accompanied by the ting of a bell, intended to direct the attention of anyone beyond the reach of the bakery's service counter; and other ponies in the immediate area who simmilarly weren't entirely sure Binky had addressed them all with gibberish.

As the three ponies entered the sweet shoppe; consisting of one machine turned homunculus, one helhest of a spectral apparition, and a god in possession of the latter's physical form with maxed out charisma stats and a full compliment of legs; they headed for a booth at the other end of the storefront. If there was a word taxidermists used that could describe a living corpse, other than carcass, zombie, golem, or manikin, this would aptly describe the body that was being manipulated and puppeteered by Binky. For Twist, however, there was no need for a marshmallow test to hold her attention, her blank, open mouthed, glassy eyed expression and the ectoplasmic drool dripping from her maw said it all. If Binky had fingers s/he'd probably be snapping them to bring Twist out of her stuporous if not vacant expression. "Yep. Smarter than a bag of hammers. Just the way I like it" Binky commented.

"What the hay is wrong with her?" Diamond asked as she looked back and forth between Binky and Scootaloo the orange pegasus just kind of shrugged and vaguely made an 'idunno sound.

"Well, I tried to pattern her personality after that kid from two stupid dogs... you know that one cartoon with Secret Squirrel. But she must of recovered some of her memories and cancelled out the spell."Binky Started. "We came at a good time, she probably spent most of that time screaming her head off, and now she's just recovering from the shock."

"Please tell me you patterned my personality after Rainbow Dash." Scootaloo had a sly look on her face.

"Who?" Binky asked. "More to the point do you even have a personality?"

"What the hay are you two talking 'bout? neither of you are making any Celestia-damned sense when you speak. It's like listening to an old married couple arguing in Applenese." Diamond queried. It wasn't like she was mining for information, just a point of reference so she could make some sense out of the nonsense.

"YOU VILE URCHIN!" A glimmer of life and passion returned to Twist momentarily as she lifted her arm and pointed an accusing hoof at Scootaloo."YOU KNEW THIS $#@7 WOULD HAPPEN AND SAID NOTHING!"

"Well, If it makes you feel better the girls and I learned a whole lot about Taxidermy." Scootaloo laughed nervously. "And being friends with death has benefits."

"Oh, good. She's awake." Binky smiled as he waved his or rather Diamond Tiara's... her pole arm in front of Twistaloo's face to gather her attention like Pinkie Pie on a sugar high. "Good morning precious, welcome back to the land of the living...impaired. My name's Binky, this here is Tramp Stamp-"

"Hey!" Diamond Tiara interjected as Binky pointed at her.

"-and you already know Scootaloo." Binky finished "Now, if you don't mind scooting over a bit, I'm going to order some milkshakes and hayburgers. Jus' let me know if you want anything."

"You better not be using my credit card!" If the venom in Diamond's voice could kill the anthropomorphic embodiment of death, he'd probably respawn in a matter of moments. Especially given how upset Luna was about her recent discovery of all the ponies that died from their nightmares while she was interred on the moon... Although not technically responsible for those deaths, Binky was present when many of those ponies fell victim to the self-fulfilling prophecy of their own death wish. Which, was just another reason to hate him beyond the 'it follows' virus.

"Listen 'Tramp.' Just have a seat, shut your yap, and enjoy the show." Scootaloo grumbled as she pushed Diamond into the open seat, in the booth, opposite Twist with her big fat butt (Scootaloo's butt being the object of Diamond's immediate ridicule) as the pegasus herself sat opposite Binky. Of course Binky, who was currently looking over a menu that had been coated in Twist's ectoplasmic drool, mulled over the selection with as much care as one would expect of a demonic entity who hadn't eaten for two days.

If Diamond Tiara had teeth she'd be grinding them as she glared at Binky with a withering glance so smoldering it could melt a hole through a looking glass. And, While It didn't seem to bother Scootaloo at all, with how quickly she fell into line with switching roles between being Binky's enforcer and Diamond Tiara's wayward bodyguard(or vice-versa), the later felt the sting of betrayal immediately.

"Cheez-its and honey, would you quit staring at me like that DT. It's kind of annoying." Binky looked up from his/her menu to give Diamond a piece of his/her mind.

"-oh.OH! It's making you uncomfortable!? Well, 'You know what else is uncomfortable!? Some-pony stealing your body in the middle of a F@%King math lesson you F@%king screwball." Diamond Tiara hissed in seething rage.

Binky started to respond "Buh-di-b-di-b-di-b-di-b-di-b-di" Binky then dropped the menu with her left hoof, grabbed her right arm, and seemingly wrestled it away from her face before wedging it behind her neck and holding it in place with the muscles of her neck meats. Simultaneously ending her momentary porky pig like motorboat imitation, with an impromptu face flap,"I'm sensing a lot of hostility and pent up anger coming from you.” Binky stated. Clearing her throat before wiggling her face awkwardly as she rubbed her new muzzle with nonchalant vigor "And, honestly, it's making me kind of uncomfortable."

"Yup. Everything's got to be about you, huh?” Scootaloo rolled her eyes clearly finding the situation mildly amusing... or you know, completely frustrating given that she was doing a pretty terrible job supporting either self hating princess macabre. To the point where she was just repeating herself, echoing earlier statements by rote,  and more or less letting Binky mechanically talk to herself about nothing.

"I know, right. Talk about vain." Screwball put her right arm down, ecstatic she was agreeing with Scootaloo about something for a change and failing to realize her wayward weapon wasn't talking. Then, after taking a moment to look at Diamond "No wonder you don't have a boyfriend. And You-" Binky was now looking into the sole (the frog) of her hoof, fork in her left hand ready to strike as she appeared to be arguing with her now idle hand "Don't make me stab you with a fork. Because I will cut you. "

"WHAT!?" Diamond asked. As if having a boyfriend was relevant at the moment. "Don't you Dare patronize me YOU F@$king cun-mmmrph" only to have her ranting muffled by Scootaloo.

"Don't bother, he can't hear you right now. He's in his own little world. Besides, I doubt there's a censor for that yet." Scootaloo commented.

"Conniving needs a censor?" Diamond asked.

"See what we did there?" Scootaloo smiled.

Binky then turned to address Twistaloo "So, Twist, anything happen while I was gone?"

"I-ah, Yeah! I was looking out the window. Down the street, you know? When, all of a sudden I noticed this strange filly just staring back at me..."

"Was it the barista? 'cause under normal circumstances most ponies can't see apparitions." Binky appeared bothered and uncomfortable as she gave a furtive sidelong glance to Pinkie Pie who promptly smiled and winked back. But, if anyone could see a ghost haunting Sugarcube Corner, Binky would lay even money that it was that mare. "Are you sure she was looking at you?"

"Yep. She was looking at me dead. Dead in the eyes!" Twist stated morosely.

"Well, what did she look like?" Binky asked mildly curious if his/her suspisions were correct.

"She was about my age, I guess, with fluffy red cotton candy hair, big purple eyes, she was wearing a yellow beanie, and looked very cuddly." Twist used the executive function of her full cognitive resources to remember as many details about the strange filly that had been staring at her as she looked out the window as she possibly could.

"Wait." Binky, having pieced the mystery together, took the yellow beanie with a green propeller off Twistaloo's head and placed it on her own head. "Now. Where exactly did you see this person (that was staring at you)?"

"I don't know... I was just staring out the window when all of a sudden-" Twist was cut off when Binky shooshed her regalia with the sole of her right hoof.

“Shhh!”Binky then proceeded to face-hoof with the palm of her left. "That was a reflection you nimrod."

"Binks,' Remind me again why I have to be here?" Scootaloo leveled Binky with a half lidded stare.

"You're here because I needed some-pony remotely intelligent to talk too." Binky then looked away from the gathered ponies hoping Pinkie Pie would notice them through the gleam in the corner of her own eye, and show up before taking their order.

"Ha ha, hi Tiara! When did you get here?" Twist asked as if she just noticed Diamond Tiara for the first time... even though she had been sitting across from Twistaloo the entire time. "Hey! Has anyone else seen Tramp Stamp?" Twistaloo asked as she looked around the Sugarcube Corner to see if she could catch a glimpse of the pony Binky had introduced her to not minutes before.

"Um, I think she went to the bathroom." Scootaloo mentioned.

"Well, I hope your happy Scootaloo." Binky scoffed. "This is what I'm stuck with now- I'll have you know this is your fault." Binky Accused his former exemplar.

"My fault!" Scootaloo was livid.

"Yeah, __all__ your fault." Binky almost felt shame."If some-pony wasn't so obsessed with their new girlfriend-"

"You said you needed a new regalia! right? And, you said you could make them from spirits. All I wanted was a little freedom." Scootaloo whined.

"Twitter-mite spirits not para-sprite spirits you twit'. Does Twist look like she's- oh nevermind. " Binky steamed.

"Parasprite what now?" Diamond asked "You mean those bugs that tore up the Ponyville a few seasons back."

"Yeah, that was a really bad day in Saddle Arabia. But, in all fairness, Miss Glimmer would not shut up. And that Kool-aid was all kinds of awesome." Binky replied. “I mean, Ecto Cooler, who could resist.”

"I was only trying to help!" Scootaloo cried. "I didn't know Sweetie Belle would-"

"You know what else would have helped, sweetheart. You not helping." Binky returned his attention to Scootaloo. "And, because of that, I was forced to take on this factory reject dildo as my regalia." Binky gestured to indicate Twistaloo. "Not to mention DT hardly qualifies as a tracksuit, much less paladin material."

"Hey, Diamond." Twist prodded Diamond Tiara with her concerned address.

"Yeah?" Tiara wasn't entirely sure how to respond.

"What's a Dildo?" Twistaloo asked.

“...” was all the spectral apparition could do.

Binky’s Friend

Scene 5

[Would It Matter If I Wasn’t?]

It didn’t take a genius to know where Diamond Tiara lived. After all, nearly everyone that knew Diamond was a aware that she lived up on a hill in a bed of clovers. She had a heated swimming pool with a waterfall, her own grove of snack bearing plants (cashews, plums, berries and the like), and an arcade filled assortment of poker tables, pinball, and marble machines. That was just common sense.

Sadly, or perhaps ironically, her street address was still a mystery to even the likes of Silver Spoon. Mostly because Diamond’s father insisted she charge people a ludicrous service fee to come in for a visit like she was a clown running an amusement park or something, and even after meeting that requirement further expected her to charge people to use her toys, musical instruments, and other assorted knick-knacks, all of which he made abundantly clear wasn’t even her property. It was almost as if she was just managing thrift store, casino, or warehouse, for a sadistic jackass.

While not technically stealing, Diamond did know how to supplement her allowance by playing drop dead and knuckle bones with her mother. Mostly because any resources her father actually gave her was just 'holding money' {for lack of a better term}, she wasn’t technically allowed to spend, invest, or use it on anything without Filthy’s explicit approval. If her father was a pimp she’d be his bottom bitch. Still, knowing her mother frequently played with loaded dice actually made the situation more like a con game of abuse wherein dice games for Diamond became test of luck against agility.

Regardless, the location of her living address wasn’t nearly as public as her father’s service address. The timber wolves patrolling the perimeter of the property scared off most of unwanted visitors and made it unlikely that anyone in their right mind would trespass a clearing in the middle of the everfree forest. One of the smaller timber wolves would escort her past Fluttershy’s cottage before returning to the ‘Heart of Darkness,’ a steamboat that carried her the few miles from the clearing to the edge of Ponyville.

To save money on a bodyguard or something, her father then expected her to go out of her way to greet assorted ponies he had already vetted on her way to school. So. Basically, she had to go out of her way to find Fluttershy among other tattle-tales or gossip queens and say good morning. What are the odds they'd all be part of the mane 6? Doubtlessly so her parents knew she followed a predetermined path on her way to school and could complain if a deviation from her normal routine was reported.

Heaven forbid she wasn’t completely normal in every conceivable way, if she wasn’t she’d have to hear parents fight about it for days on end. Normal, of course, being an arbitrary concept. As her father would occasionally insist she do something completely senseless, meaningless, or off the rails like wearing bunny ears to satisfy the whims of the zap apple gods.

Diamond probably wouldn’t even be friends with Silver Spoon if it weren’t for the fact that ‘normal’ ponies have friends, if she didn’t have ‘friends’ then people would think she was a bully, had a low frustration tolerance, or think her a sore looser like Apple Bloom.

But, apparently, having a friend made all those character flaws disappear like magic in much the same way throwing money into a wishing well can make people more likely to do what you ask. If Diamond Tiara was in anyway autistic then it was conditioned in response to her environment. Dysphoric maybe, but being autistic or in any other way abnormal was antithetical to her self concept.

Diamond found herself ruminating over what she could do to seem more completely 'normal' if not 'sightly above average' for the next few days. Otherwise, getting bitten by the demonic snake creature would be just like the time she caught fleas, if her father didn’t believe the snake was real he would accuse her of goldbricking or just being allergic to work. Only in this case, it was drugs and not opposition to work he saw as the problem. Which meant her parents would throw her in a treatment center like the one Pinkie Pie frequented until she was ‘clean’ or they determined that she really was crazy.

Of course, Diamond Tiara considered herself fortunate she met Silver Spoon at the park shortly after getting fleas or she’d have never gotten rid of them. The fleas that is, not her parents. Diamond also had no reason to doubt her past experience with this sort of situation required some kind of justifiable paranoia. Heck, her father thought she was making a bomb when she wanted a vinegar bottle, food coloring, and corn syrup for a science project…

Granted, you probably could make a really substandard Molotov Cocktail with those ingredients. But, ultimately, she just wanted to make a wave machine or an emulsion thingie so she wouldn’t get grades that were below average for her science project.

Diamond Tiara was currently cantering on a crosswalk approaching a brick wall that ran parallel to the railroad tracks on her way to the Carousel Boutique. She wasn’t exactly on the beaten path when she came across the gray and white pony with crackerjack markings.

Diamond had a lovely view of his unguarded rear end at twenty meters. Whereas the head attached to the horses ass appeared to be peeking around the corner at (or on) the far side of the wall, where it ends into an open alleyway. The pony in the fluffy fluff blue scarf then appeared startled. When he reared up and leaned flat against the wall beggars style, hyperventilating in fear and attempting to make himself as invisible as possible, Diamond’s curiosity was piqued. Becasue she just pranced over to the panicking pony from his opposite flank seemingly unnoticed. At least, before she touched him with the appendage that been bitten by the narm shnake.

“Hey stranger. What you doing?” Diamond asked as she tapped him on the shoulder with her right hoof.

“EEEP!” the crackerjack turned towards the thing that had touched him with a fearful expression, and then relief, after he looked at Diamond like he’d seen a ghost. He took a moment to look down at her arm and then look back to her face with an unreadable expression. “It’s, it’s around the corner.”

“Say what?” Diamond asked curiously.

“She appears to be eating.” He said as Diamond decided to take a look. Mostly because she was having difficulty connecting the dots before gasping in horrified surprise.

“Why- Winona!? Oh gods she-she’s feeding off a griffon!” Diamond recognized the dog immediately, practically everyone in town knew about the Apple’s family dog…Not many ponies on the other hand would recognize Gilda, or what was left of her after Winona had eviscerated her and chewed off half her face. Diamond Tiara brought her hoof up to her mouth in shock, or possibly to stop making noise altogether should the rabid canine happen to notice her.

Winona stopped eating at the call of her name. Her ears twitched and pulled back in the direction of Diamond Tiara. Slowly she turned her head revealing several rows of serrated teeth, her muzzle opened like petals of a flower, five to be exact. Her snout was split open down the middle with two rows of teeth in each section. The monster’s lower jaw was divided into three parts (each with its own rows of teeth) leading into a hole that looked like the anus of a starfish or the mouth of an octopus. Winona’s tongue was perhaps the most alien feature of what was visible of the simulacrum's head. Becasue the pink, wet, fleshy muscle split off into two insect like eye stalks. After staring at the creature in shock Winona’s head quickly closed up, twisting and morphing together as it reverted to its usual appearance... that of a collie mutt.

“I see, so you failed also…” Winona looked crestfallen as she approached the horrified Diamond. “you…with your location… in your host.” Winona looked up to meet Diamond’s gaze “Me with my animal host. Both…Dissatisfied.”

“Run!” The crackerjack pony shouted as he pulled on Diamond Tiara’s Tail.

“What!? I don’t-” Winona started to charge as the crackerjack pushed Tiara out of the way before bucking the dog into the wall behind them with a bloody splat.

“Are you blind and stupid? I said run!” The crackerjack yelled as he chased after Diamond like an insane thestral escaping the underworld.

“I don’t understand. What’s going on?” Diamond asked as the two ponies started fleeing from the recovered canine in terror as it started mutating back into the monster that lay the griffon Gilda to waste in a matter of minutes… then it reformed several of the bones in its body and grew a pair of membranous bat like wings and took to the air.

“I’ll explain later, for now just move.” The crackerjack felt a disturbance in the force.

“But-”Diamond Tiara started. When she realized, she had no idea who this mustang bronco was. In fact, at the moment she knew more about his back end than his front end. “Why are we running? Who the hell are you? What is that thing? Where are we going?”

“That thing is the same thing you are. Hot and Dangerous.” Diamond couldn’t tell if he was flirting or acting serious, “I could sense that it wanted to kill you immediately.” Binky then steered or corralled Diamond towards a park with a swing set by the rail yard. The two were hidden safely behind a park bench before the anthropomorphized embodiment of death dropped the bombshell “As for me, I’m actually a god.”

“A god?” Diamond Deadpanned.

“Yup, I can grant wishes also. You can call me Binky.” The earth pony smiled stupidly as he held out his left hoof for a shake… it looked as if he’d stepped in dog poop apparently.

“You sure you want me to do that screwball?” Diamond asked. Not entirely sure if she wanted to make intimate contact with the mysterious stranger or even know his name.

“Yes, well… I may be in a small rut at the moment, but I can assure you I am the strongest god in all of Equestria. I’m even stronger than Celestia. And, eventually everyone will worship me as the one true God.” Binky said dramatically as the words seemed to become grander and more delusional with each passing sentence.

“Oh great, I’ve been rescued by a hobo who thinks he’s God.” Diamond wasn't sure if she should discuss this with her analyst...who ironically enough was Princess Luna because the wolfman that Twilight talks to durring their convergent dreaming sessions was just icky.

“Well, it looks like you‘re okay." Binky stated somewhat oxymoronically; with both a calm and excited tone. "So….What‘s your name again?” Binky asked.

“Like I’m Going to tell you!” Diamond Tiara Sneered.

Binky then leaned his head over and looked at her cutie mark “Diamond Tiara, huh? That’s nice, I guess you really didn’t have much of a talent. So, I guess that makes it okay.”

“*wha!? how did you-” ...“W-wait, am I dead?” She looked into Binky’s cold blue eyes and stared into oblivion. After getting over her initial panicked shock that someone actually managed to figure out her name, much less her talent, after looking at the abstract thing on her rear and came up with tiara anything other than tramp stamp was a stretch for the imagination.

It was only after she took a moment to look into the oblivious stare of his eyes that she recognized him for what he was “Am I dead?” Diamond asked, almost panicked, as she looked into the blue oblivion of his snake like irises.

“Um…Well, not immediately.” Binky momentarily wondered if he should be using a jugan or geass to make sure she forgot this moment ever happened. “I mean, that’s not as bad. Right? Going into the light is easy as can be; leaving it is what will scare thee.”

“What kind of monster are you!? This isn’t some game you jackass. This is my life.” Diamond Tiara whined. Had she full control of her body and emotional regulation right now Diamond would have probably pounced Binky like goat and would be butting him into the ground.

“Urgh, what a pain. Listen-” Binky started talking, but was cut off by a blood curdling scream.

“EEEEK!” Diamond Tiara screamed as she once again caught sight of  Winona's simulacrum chasing after something that kind of looked like Twist, only she wasn’t wearing her glasses, had big purple eyes, appeared to be wearing a yellow beanie with a green propeller on top, and was definitely a blank flank.

“Binky! Binky! Guess what?” Twist-a-loo came running into the park. It goes without saying she was real excited to see her new master given that she was followed closely by what could only be described as Q*bert with attitude. “ I did it. I did it just like you said. I totally exorcised a demon! I’m sure she’s real tired an'all. Now what am I 'sposed to do?”

“Gods dammit Twist!” Binky cursed as he face-hoofed in shame. “You IDIOT! If that thing kills you, I’ll die too.” Binky failed to note the 'not immediately' part hadn't exactly crossed his mind.

“What the…” Diamond wasn’t entirely sure what was going on.

“Run For it!” Binky cried out as he pushed, in a failed attempt at motivating, Diamond to run away. Mostly just to get the pink pony up off her ass and back on her feet, all four on the floor the park. “Now go! I‘ll have to fight it here.”

“If this is death, you’ve gotta’ be kidding me!” Diamond Tiara muttered to no one in particular as she wandered about five feet, possibly three, before turning around and sitting on her haunches to watch this garbage beat the facsimile of Winnona into a bloody pulp.

It's not that she wasn't scared of the headless canine with a bifurcated tongue sticking out of it's serrated tooth glory hole, a tongue that for all intents and purposes resembled a marsupial's pony baloney, assuming that the pony baloney ended in a bug eyed stalks ballooned into the shape of a century egg with the iris of a hawk. And, it wasn't like Diamond Tiara was particularly curious about marsupial pee-pees when she discovered that particular oddity for a report on Princess Luna's therapy service ... possum.

Diamond wasn't scared of Winonna's bat winged headless monster corpse for the plain and simple reason that the moment the adrenaline flooded her body, rather than trigger a flight response, or the laxative release of last evening's alfalfa pellets (as would happen under most normal circumstances), the adrenaline had simply bypassed her medulla oblongata.

This was no coincidence as the extra terrestrial snake that had wormed its way into her body trough the frog of her noodle (and whom was currently using Diamond Tiara's body as its sleeve) had not only consumed her leg but replaced it and a significant portion of the spine tingling nervous tissue that managed many of Tiara's more vital internal organs. In a sense, Tiara couldn't care to move if she wanted too because she was not only depressed but disassociated from what she was observing by virtue of the fact that she now had a second brain.

Diamond's affluenza, as the case may be, was the result of what Sunset Shimmer would term the third man phenomena coupled with what Twilight Sparkle would call a catatonic post nervous breakdown commingled with compassion fatigue. All this boils down to the crowning moment of lazy curiosity that just had her sitting there like a cow on her haunches as she ruminated about the distasteful idea of some-pony glory stomping a dog...even a headless one with serrated teeth and a pee-pee shaped worm crawling out the hole of it's...her, Winonna's neck meats.

“Okay Twist,” Binky started his saccade “it’s time to defeat this abomination. Atelophobia, come to me!” No sooner had the words escaped Binky’s mouth than did Twist-a-loo’ move as if stuck by lightning, because that’s exactly what happened as her body became a bolt of blue energy that coalesced in Binky’s grasp only to become-

“Holy smokes is that a dildo!?” Diamond asked still trying to figure out how an earth pony managed to transmogrify another pony into a replica of the oft mentioned one eyed monster. Granted she’d seen frogs turned into oranges so this wasn’t much of a stretch for the imagination, but it was still a stretch... not unlike marsupial wing-wangs with eyeballs and serrated teeth attached to one nasty looking 'bee' that ends with an 'otch.'

A blackjack. Twist-a-loo became a blackjack with a rubber strap. A blackjack of course being a sturdy blunt-force melee weapon that does indeed look kind of like a dildo, slingshot, the horn of a unicorn, or a really short whip, possibly a noose shaped riding crop if one got creative. Of course, referring to it as a melee weapon was rather generous, all things considered it was about as useful as the hilt of a sword.

“I purge thy evil in the name of the rising sun. Hooo-AHH!” Binky then proceeded to beat Winona with Twist like she was a rolled up newspaper. In all fairness the dog was rabid. It was quickly dispatched when Binky used his regalia to crush the dog's heart like the soul of a baby kitten.

The personality of what had once been Winonna was no longer there. The dog turned monster had already needlessly taken at least one sapient life, so there really was no reason to keep the abomination alive. Still, to harm a creature well known for it's undying loyalty or its capacity to eat feces and continue smiling was a tragedy for the ages.

Not to mention, Apple Bloom had some really awkward questions that morning when she slipped in a puddle of blood, found Granny Smith's headless body, and was no doubt ruminating over what was left of Winonna's muzzle, attached to what was left of a skull with hydrochloric acid burns, and what apeared to be a half eaten apple pie, in a half open refrigerator... Clearly, she was still dreaming and this was some kind of Karmic backlash for what had happened to Twist the other day.

Apple Bloom hadn't seen or heard from Applejack that morning or Big Mac, but chances were they had woken up before dawn to do some apple bucking and to feed the cows... she wasn't sure of what happened to Granny Smith, but it was kind of obvious and chances were pretty good she was at the glue factory in the sky. So, if this was a nightmare, Apple Bloom best figured she may as well go to the school house so Princess Luna wouldn't ask her anymore awkward questions about the dead bodies laying around... assuming there weren't more on the way to school.