Author's Note
Based on Real Events
A Different Beat
Grabbing my lunch tray, I snagged a milk carton and got in line. I felt the new rescue squirrel babies rustle around in my backpack, and I could not help but smile as I snagged a salad and sped down the lunch line. Having animals at school was always against the rules, but it never stopped me from bringing Angel Bunny, and today was an exception. The shelter was just going to have to release these babies into the wild without a mother to free up space for a new litter of kittens that just arrived. Why, I do not know if I could sleep tonight if I knew those little dears would be on the street without anyone to care for them. So, here I am, with a freshly adopted family of squirrels.
I let the cashier woman punch my lunch card and I sped to the back of the cafeteria, where the rest of the girls were sitting. I remembered smiling to myself as I saw them cast casual glances toward me, continuing their conversation.
"Hey girls," I called out to them.
"Hey Fluttershy," Rainbow said first, before a few others chimed in.
"And I'm telling you, Sunset," Rarity continued. "The violet face paint is absolutely essential! The way the blue and white lights reflect really brings out their color and makes the crowd go wild."
Sunset Shimmer groaned, shaking her head.
"Rarity. Applejack, Dash, and I all agree that the purple stings our eyes. It doesn't really matter how we dress or look if we can't play at our very best," she said.
"It's the truth, Sugarcube," AJ added. "I just can't play properly with that stuff in my face and nostrils. I don't have a problem if we all wear a matching outfit or something, but face paint is just too much."
"Are we talking about the upcoming show?" I asked as I sat down with the girls.
"Yeah," Pinkie said, digging into the fifth cookie on her plate. "Rarity is up in arms about the aesthetic again."
"I wouldn't be up in arms about the aesthetic if I didn't think it was important," Rarity said, crossing her arms. "It adds a lot of flair to our shows and helps us stand out from the thousands of other bands."
Sunset sighed, placing a hand to her forehead.
"Alright, well. That isn’t what we want to talk about today anyway. We can get started now that we’re all here," Sunset said.
I stabbed at my salad with a fork, feeling the rustle of baby squirrels against my back.
"Did we get another show?" I asked. "We haven't gotten many in awhile."
"Well, we're here to talk about that," Sunset said. "We've been turning down shows, actually."
The fork stopped halfway to my lips. I raised my gaze to the girls, and I now noticed all of their attention is on me. I felt myself shy away from their focused gazes and shrink in my seat.
"We have?" I asked. "But... why?"
"Well, we have a problem," Sunset continued. "A lot of us are putting a lot of time and attention into this band to make it work. Rainbow practices a lot, and has even quit a few athletic teams so she could practice guitar.
Applejack has been working on her Bass skills. Pinkie began going to lessons to work on stick control... and well..." Sunset opened her mouth, and then paused.
She raised her hands up, as if to explain something with an imaginary object in front of her, but she froze again, and clenched her hands into fists. I remember feeling as if a ball lodged itself in my throat, and I had now lost the entirety of my appetite. My stomach felt as if the squirrels in my backpack were trying to claw their way out of it.
"I think what she's trying to say, Sugarcube," Applejack continued. "We haven't really seen you try to work on your parts. Sure, it’s just a tambourine and backup vocals... but it's never consistent. Sometimes you mumble over your lyrics. Sometimes you hit the right accents and sometimes you're really off."
I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it. I didn't have anything to say. There wasn’t any way to defend myself. They were right. My eyes moved down to the tray in front of me and I placed my hands in my lap.
"You're not a bad player," Rainbow Dash said. "We just want to see you work harder at the band. We know you work hard at taking care of animals, and that's great. Really. Especially since, you want to be a Vet. But we also want this band to be the best it can be."
I raised my gaze to my friends and looked at each of them in turn.
"Am... Am I being kicked out?" I asked.
"No, that's not it at all," Sunset said. "We want you in this band, really. But at the same time... if things don't get better..."
Then, silence fell between the six of us. I took a deep breath and blinked my eyes a few times. They weren't wrong. Most of my free time goes to the Animal Shelter or taking care of my pets. I haven't been practicing the songs, not like when we first started the band.
Honestly? I haven't even been thinking about the practice or work that goes along with it. I just loved the performances and spending time with my friends. I raised my gaze to them.
"So, I need to practice more... or I'm out?" I asked.
Rarity sighed. I looked to her and a clear expression of pain lingered in her eyes, even if she tried her best to keep her face placid.
"Yeah," Rainbow Dash mumbled.
I felt the squirrels on my back rustle once more, and the answer felt natural to me. The little creatures in my backpack were lives. Lives I'm helping, lives that I'm nourishing. I work every day to try to give these creatures another shot at life, whether it's an abused puppy, an unclean hamster cage, or a family of squirrels. And... Well, that's where my priorities lie. It's just that simple. And if that's not good enough for the band, well.
"I don't think I can promise that I can practice more," I said simply.
The girls stayed quiet. Sunset sat up straight in her seat and Rainbow appeared to look shocked. Applejack smiled and nodded, which made the guilt seem to shrink.
"I just... I love my animals. I don't think I can give up the time I spend taking care of them and still be happy."
The girls remained quiet and I sat up straight.
"So, I suppose that's that. There's nothing else to be said," I said.
"Alright, well. We appreciate you being honest with us, Fluttershy," Sunset said. "We figured that would be the case, and there's nothing wrong with that."
"Right," I said, my eyes looking back down.
"You realize we're all still your friends, Fluttershy," Pinkie added. "Just because you aren't part of the band, doesn't mean you can't sit with us at lunch."
"Right! Of course," I said. "It's just... it's going to be hard for a little while."
"Of course, Darling," Rarity said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Do what you have to do. We'll always be here. We'll always be your friends."
I rose to my feet, leaving my food where it was, and did my best to give them the most genuine smile I had.
"I'll talk to you later, girls."
"See ya, Fluttershy," Rainbow said, before the rest joined her good-bye.
My legs felt like noodles as I traversed the empty halls of my high school, and now that it began to set in, tears welled in my eyes. I pushed into one of the girl's bathrooms and found my way into the handicap stall. I sat down on the marble throne and placed my backpack on my lap.
I closed my eyes, and tried to find some way to pull my leaking soul back into my body. If I could do that, then maybe I wouldn't feel so empty right now. A tear ran down my cheek and I sniffed, trying to stay strong. I unzipped my backpack, and looked down at the five little squirrelies at the bottom, who happily stared back up at me. Now I wish I hadn't named each of them after my friends. I wrapped my arms around the bag and felt myself begin to lose my composure.
The harder I tried to grab on and hold myself together, the further and further I fell apart. Water streamed down my eyes as I cradled my head on top of the book bag. This is what I want. I want to take care of animals. This is what I love to do...
But I disappointed all of my friends. Now what? Now what do I do?
I sniffed to myself, looking down at the animals in the bag, now looking up at their mother with concern. I suppose... this doesn't really change anything. I was focused on my animals before and I'll stay focused on my animals now. Besides, it's not like... They kicked me out. I mean, even if it feels like I was. It was my choice.
And I chose to care for animals rather than be in the band.
I took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly.
Things were going to be okay.
It may have sucked then, but this didn't destroy my friendship with the girls. It's just going to take time. I smiled, then zipped the backpack up and dabbed my eyes with some toilet paper. I knew that the real weight of what happened wouldn't hit me until later, but then I could at least put on a good mask.
I rose from the seat and walked out the stall, feeling like a massive weight lifted off my shoulders.
