Learning the Townby Tinker TorchChaptersFirst ImpressionsMorning recollectionsBringing back memoriesDaylight reveals allFirst ImpressionsLearning the Town {Author's note: This is just a stress reliever for me; yes, the mail-mare I referenced here is Derpy. I'm going off of some other fan-fics I've read where she's incredibly intelligent, just incredibly socially crippled...and emotional...me in a nutshell, honestly. The dragon is, indeed Spike...the name 'Miss Gentlehoof' just came off the top of my head....had to have something. And yes, I know there's like...nothing for excitement. I'm just not that kind of pony, I just like writing stories to tell a story. Who knows, I might make it more adventurous or something later, but for now, I think I'll just keep it calm. Probably better for me in the long run.} "Dear Diary/AKA Miss Gentlehoof: Why is it a bad day can't get better? I mean, come on...even I know better than to chat with a random pony about...well...random crap? Yeah, it's nice to just chat with a pony every now and then, but for two hours on end...no. Pretty much ruined my day today. I must be honest, I really am glad you gave me the idea of this diary. Kinda lucked out when I found a local dragon who can send these to you in a flash, saves me a lot of bits on postage. Though...hate to do that to the poor mail-mare here, she seems so nice...reminds me of myself. I have a hunch that might not be good for either of us. Maybe it's good she doesn't know me well, then? Anyway, hope all is well up in Canterlot still. Good thing you told Princess Celestia about what I do, huh? I have to admit, that jacked business way up, thank you a lot! I still owe you! Anyway, I guess I should wrap this up...li'l longer than usual, I know, just been one of those days. Your faithful (though admittedly unsure) student, Tinker Torch" Phew, that's done. You know, ever since I started doing these diaries to my old Psychology teacher (though, I still have no idea why I took that, if I went into a trade career), I think I have been a little calmer, at least at night. Of course, knowing I'm not alone in my...social dysfunctional-ism, helps....sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes. That poor mail-mare...Derpy's such a gentle pegasus, it's so hard to imagine she'd be the sort of mare she is....perhaps I should clarify. I own a fairly successful company (especially considering this is only its third year of operation) that sells, installs and maintains accent lighting (especially color changing lights); named Torch Lighting...we just recently became incorporated, so that's cool in itself. But in the process of getting this business off the ground, I found a slower lifestyle helps keep me fairly sane...hence, the move to just outside Ponyville. That, and the ponies here are just so...kind, especially for me being so different than most everypony here. I've been here for a couple months now, and I've already met some nice ponies here; but the ones that really caught my attention are Fluttershy (she reminds me of myself, too), and that poor, strange-eyed pegasus. Yeah yeah, I know you're probably saying I'm being way too sappy, but there's reasons I say that. One, we hit it off quick. When I first moved, I had to go to the post office to fill out the change of address crap...of course, this was after Pinkie Pie's obligatory welcoming party, which I will admit was a blast. Keep in mind, all this was in my first day here! “Hey there, mister! What brings you in here today?” I looked up from walking in, and there was a light gray, almost blue, pegasus hovering right above the desk. “Oh, just moved into town, gotta do the change of addre...ahem...change of address.” As I looked up, I happened to see her eyes. Yes, they caught me off-guard at first, because that's the first time I'd ever seen anything like that. Of course, I didn't want to upset her, so I tried my best to keep my composure. “Oh...umm, okay...hold on, lemme get that for you then.” I caught a glimpse of her ears dropping back as I spoke...unfortunately, I knew that look from personal experience. Crap, you upset her already...smooth. “okay...thanks.” As she flew off, I ended up acquiring the same kind of look she had. Not the eyes, but the dejected sort of look. I knew I screwed up already, I just hope she wouldn't hold that against me. Quick, Tink, think of something...hey, maybe she knows where some good places are around here! She came back. Rather quick, I might add. “Okay, mister, here's your pa...you okay?” SHIT! Come on, Tink! You've had that mask going forever, don't stop it now! You don't want her worried about you like Miss Gentlehoof was, do you? “Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine, just...bad memory hit me.” Well, there goes the chances of a good third impression. “Oh...yeah, I know how that is.” She got a headtilt from me...first time I've heard that from anypony. “Oh, right, address! You just need to put in your old address here,” she said as she took her hoof and pointed to one shaded section; “the new one here,” her hoof moved to another shaded section; “and a signature underneath it. Sound good?” I just watched her as she explained it to me. I've done it a couple times before, but there's no way I was going to be rude. I'd been that way enough already. “Yep! Thanks, miss...” “Oh, I'm sorry! I'm Miss Hooves.” Oh lord, I'd bet she got made fun of that a lot...wait, why did I just think that? “Oh, right, Miss Hooves.” I started quietly filling out the paperwork as the back of my mind thought of something to say. Come on, Tink...break your usual silence, you know you don't like ponies who act even remotely like you do. Paperwork filled out, I just quietly nosed it back to her and put the pen back in the cup on the desk. “Hey, Miss Hooves...umm...” Oh, come on, Tink! Think...ugh, stop saying that, that's so corny. Come on, tell her you're having a party or something. “Yes, Mister....Torch? As in, the Torch, from Torch Lighting?” ...wait, what? “Yeah...that'd be me.” This baffled me a bit. How'd she hear about me? One, I didn't have anything out here this far...two, I didn't know I was so well known! Especially for something so insignificant as making...lights...weird. “I'm a big fan! I happened to read an edition of 'Canterlot Living', and saw a picture of those lights you installed in the Princess' castle, and I've always wanted to meet you and see you at work, and...” She inhaled...then blushed a little. “Sorry, I ramble sometimes.” I couldn't help but let out a slight chuckle. “Anyway, I've always wanted to meet you! You see, I've kinda been working on my own thing that you might like...” Oh, holy crap, you have fans. This is new! This could be helpful I had to think up something quick. “Oh, well then...yeah, the castle was one heck of a job.” I took a moment to ponder something. “Hey, your little creation...or dare I call it what I call my stuff, a monster?” Her ears dropped again at the term 'monster.' “Err....anyway, if you want, you can pop by my place later. Would be nice to have someone to chat with.” I saw her ears perk up, and I could have sworn her eyes lit up. “Oh, really? That'd be neat! Umm...I can get out of here in about a couple hours, is that okay?” I didn't have the heart to really say anything, so I just nodded. “Cool! See ya then!” ...that went strangely well. Well...first day here and I found a fan...might've found a friend, too. So, yeah, I put stuff in the castle for Princess Celestia. She was actually my second customer, so that was a massive risk...went well. I didn't get banned to a tiny island in the middle of nowhere, so that should say a lot. Maybe I should explain what my stuff does. To some, yes, it's just color changing lights. But, that's only when they go into the showroom at Canterlot. The cool thing is, I've had some of the contractors around build some small, complex rooms so I could show off just how artistic it can look. It all depends on the room, really. Though, I digress. The next couple hours of the day went by unceremoniously. Filling the fridge with the food I brought, organizing the cabinets, the usual. I admittedly had sort of forgotten I had a pony coming over, so the doorbell surprised me quite a bit...partly because I forgot this house had one. Off to the door I trotted. “Hi there, Tinker!” Holy crap, I barely opened the door. You know, you learn quick that this pony is fast! “Oh, hey there, Miss Hooves...sorry, kinda got caught up with organizing here. Come on in!” And with that, I got the strange feeling that it was going to be an interesting visit. “Thanks! Wow...roomy, huh?” I nodded a bit as I trotted back to the kitchen to finish what I started. I know, bad host, but I do hope she'd understand....of course, I didn't know she didn't see me nod...or walk. “Hey, where ya goin?” I stopped. “Huh? Oh...sorry, I still kinda wasn't done with this.” My ears dropped a little, feeling bad. Unfortunately, she mirrored me....so, I went on a hunch. “You wanna help?” Her ears perked up. There we go! “Sure! What can I do for ya?” “Well, you see that box over there?” I pointed my hoof to a rather small box marked 'Kitchen'. I wasn't being mean by giving her the smallest box to move, it just so happened thats all that was left. She nodded a bit. “Can you bring that here for me, Miss Hooves?” “Sure!” She flew over with what seemed to be excitement I've only seen from fillies whose parents just let them play in the mud, or something. I jumped at a slight thud, whipping around quickly and rushing to her. “Hey...you okay?” She lay against the nearby chair, which was now turned upside down. Her eyes were spinning like she just got conked on the head, as she was sprawled over the floor in a rather odd position. “Yeah, I...I'm okay...just tripped, is all.” How could she trip? She was flying...right? I had helped her to her hooves as she gave me a slightly odd look..like, worry, mixed in with some emotional pain, like it's happened before. “Miss Hooves...I hate to be so blunt, but...you don't look like you're okay.” Her ears dropped more as she looked away from me....was that a hint of shame? Oh, god, she is me! “I'm...I'm so sorry, Mister Torch, I'm such a klutz! I didn't mean to break your chair, I really didn't! I just....” I saw tears...acting on a whim, I gently tried to pull her into a hug. I was amazed when she didn't fight, to be honest. All of a sudden, I felt legs wrapped around me, attached to quite a shaky mare....the poor girl scared herself half to death. “Shh, shh...it's okay, Miss Hooves.” She whimpered a bit and muttered something. “What was that?” A couple sniffles later, she had the courage to say “My name is Derpy....” And in an instant, everything seemed to make sense. I just hugged her tighter and she ended up crying even more. She must have seen trust in me, somehow. Oh, dear Celestia, I hope I'll be able to help her. Morning recollectionsLearning the Town I've found over the years that emotions can be a baffling thing. They can send us into a fit of giddyness, they can make us seek revenge...or they can make us have an utter breakdown, crying in the hooves of a pony you just met, and desperately hoping they understand. Miss Hooves...I mean Derpy, had ended up crying herself to sleep over the course of a few hours. By then my legs were asleep, my butt hurt from sitting on it, but I held her still...because I learned quickly she liked being held. Try to let go of her once, she lets out a quiet whimper and holds onto you even tighter, which I must admit was rather cute at the same time. But all of this made me wonder what got her like this in the first place. Of course, just by looking at her, I came up with my own ideas, hoping to Celestia I wasn't right. Unfortunately, I slowly got a feeling that I was. As I started to let her go to do a few things, she actually let go of me, still asleep. I gave her a quick rub on her back and that seemed to make her happy. Hmm...maybe all this little mare wanted was someone to hold her through a bad breakdown. This is one heck of a way to find it, though. I mean, come on, this was only my first day in Ponyville! I stood up and trotted off, pausing to look at her still asleep, but now having curled up a bit and shivering, so I trotted up to my bedroom and came back with a blanket and pillow...and a plush pony my parents gave me when I was young. It's helped me before, worth a shot. As I started to lift her head to sneak the pillow under, she stirred. Aww, man... “Oh...hi there, Mister Torch.” She let out a rather cute yawn and stretched...then her eyes went wide as she realized what happened earlier. I quickly hugged her again. Surprised, she took a moment and hugged me back. “For the record....I don't mind that you fell asleep, it was nice to see you at peace.” “...I broke your chair, didn't I? I can fix it, I swear!” Her ears lay back again as I heard a few sniffles, thinking she was gonna break out into tears again.. This mare was so scared she broke my chair...wow. I was just glad she was okay and didn't break something for real.. Though as I looked at her, I noticed a bruise on her leg. “The chair can be replaced...besides, I got it at a yard sale for, like, 5 bits on my way here yesterday. Not a big loss, and...I don't think you broke it anyway.” She looked a little relieved after I said that, so I let her go and she sat back down. “Well...maybe I should get going, before I ruin anything else for you.” And with that, her head drooped a bit as she slowly started toward the door. “No, you can stay, it's quite alright...would love the company. Tell ya what, you can help me if you want, you can sit and chat...and if you get tired, I'll letcha sleep on my bed, okay?” Mental note: If she likes the bed, offer it to her. Besides, you've been trying to get rid of that stiff thing for how many years now? “Oh...well, okay then.” She smiled a bit and stopped, turning back to me. I stood up, having been sitting, when all of a sudden my back legs slipped and planted me right back on my butt.. I blinked in surprise as she chuckled, and I couldn't help but laugh myself. “Well then...that was random.” I started to stand up again and walked back to the kitchen, never having finished putting the dishes away. "Looks like we're a little alike, huh?" “Yeah, I guess we are.” I stopped and looked back at her as she promptly crawled up on the couch and curled up with a yawn. “You sure you don't want the bed?” She just shook her head a bit and started to doze off. I waited a few minutes before I walked up and draped the blanket over her once more. “Goodnight, Miss Hooves.” I picked up the little plush pony in my mouth and gently set it beside her. I heard a faint “Goodnight, Tink”, then a few snores. I smiled to myself and curled up on the floor as she snoozed, just wanting to be close by in case she needs somepony to talk to. Well, that and my bed is horrible. Though, I never did really sleep. I just laid there, old memories running through my head of myself in her sort of position. Of course, trying not to think about it only made it worse. A few tears fell as memories of some really bad times had crossed my mind. I tried to shake them out of my head, but it was no use. I was just glad she couldn't see me. I calmed down as Celestia's Sun started to rise, as well as the little gray mare on my couch. She yawned, stretched, then saw me sitting quietly, and gave me a surprised look that I just happened to catch a glimpse of. “Why'd you sleep down here?” Okay, time to think now...don't let her know you were almost crying, too “Well...one, my bed is not good for me, and two....if I'm honest, I'd feel bad for leaving you down here all by yourself with what happened last night.” Her ears dropped. She hoped it was all just a nightmare, I'm sure. I would, too. “Derpy...I only say that because I've been in about the same position you were in last night....so afraid I messed up big time that I just had a breakdown...unfortunately, it was in my room, all alone. If you're anything like me, I don't want to do that to you, too.” She looked up at me with a bit of surprise. I just got an “Oh...” out of her. She looked away a bit. “Hey, you want some breakfast or something? I think I've got a hayburger in the fridge from my trip here, you want it?” She looked up at me and nodded a bit, so I trotted off to the kitchen to get her one, popped it in my little oven I still haven't thought up a name for. By the time her burger was warm, she was already standing beside me, in awe of the contraption. “Ooooh...what's that do?” “It warms up leftover food..rather quickly, might I add.” I had a bit of pride wash over me and I gave what was probably a sort of smug smile. She just chuckled at me. “Cool! Can I have one?” I thought for a minute, as she sort of bounced on her hooves in excitement. “Sure! Might take me a bit to get the parts, but I could probably build ya one.” She leapt in the air and let out an excited scream, pulled her hayburger out and sat at the dining room table, then started nibbling on it. She has energy! “So, why'd ya decide to move here?” She sure sounded perked up from last night, that's good. “Slower pace of life...Canterlot's just a little too crowded for me, too many people know me there. That, and I'm a bit of a country pony at heart. Why'd you move here?” Her ears dropped again. She swallowed the last bite of her hayburger. “I don't want to talk about it.” “Fair enough. So...whats the town like, anyway?” She started rambling on about a few events that went on, some of the nice ponies around, but I wasn't entirely listening. My mind kept going back to last night, her breakdown, and wondering what might have made her so scared. When I was still in school, Miss Gentlehoof always told me to ask questions and get to know a pony. She also said to be caring to somepony who's upset, listen to what they have to say, and try to help. That's never been a problem for me, but it worries me when somepony doesn't want to talk about something so...well, seemingly simple, like why they moved to a certain city. Probably something in her past she doesn't want to remember. “...so I just had to ask if she could make me some more of those blueberry muffins, they were just so good!” Have I really not been paying attention for that long? Great. “Oh, really?” She nodded with a smile “Well, that's always good to hear.” My mind drifted back to my days in school...particularly my first couple years in college when I had Miss Gentlehoof's class. I was always the kind of pony to keep to himself, stay in the back of the class and stay quiet. The first few days, I was intently paying attention to her class...after that, it just sort of dropped off. Even worse, my teacher noticed it. She never said anything to anypony else, but she knew something wasn't right. Especially when you're a psychology teacher, it's not hard to spot. The worried look, barely ever looking up from their desk, slumped back in their chair. The signs were obvious to her...and the one time she wanted to talk to me after class, I thought I was in trouble for not turning in my latest homework. I walked into her office and she looked at me like she usually does. Happy to see me, for some reason. I've never understood that. “Tinker, I've been noticing you haven't been quite yourself lately...everything alright?” Oh, no... “Uhh...yeah, I'm fine, why?” She started to explain a few things, and unfortunately for us both, it was hitting way too close to home. She told me that when she sees a pony sad, she knows something's wrong, and she's desperate to help them. She knows I've been single, and had no special somepony (which, as a side note, wasn't all that uncommon in that college), so that couldn't be it. When she asked me what was on my mind...I just cried. She pulled me in for a hug, which I wasn't expecting, but I clung to her tight just the same. It was almost like a mother holding her crying filly...which, in hindsight, is one screwed-up way to compare this. I had told her I had no idea what was wrong, and she understood completely. She said she's had a few students like that in the past, at it wasn't anything new. She also vowed to help me any way she could, to try and get me to feel better. Ever since that little episode of mine,, we've always been in contact through letters. Miss Gentlehoof has been asking how I'm doing, what I'm up to and such, and I must admit that I do like it. It's kept me sane sometimes, too. I had no idea, however, how much that experience would stick with me, and I never expected for me to be in the same position as my old teacher was with me. Especially with someone I had never met before. This would be an interesting town indeed. Bringing back memoriesLearning the Town “Hey, Derpy.” The gray mare I've come to know so well over the past...well, technically two days, walked right back in my door. “Hi, Tinker!” She smiled big as she walked in, sitting on the couch and getting comfy. A few hours ago, she said she had to leave for work. I had also told her she's welcome back anytime, I just didn't tell her why. While she was gone, I had to take care of some paperwork...owning a business can be rough on a pony. Wrote some letters, filled out forms, even wrote Princess Celestia to see how everything was going there. Just a little thing I like to call "Customer Relations." But now, I was working a letter of a more personal matter, rather than business Dear Miss Gentlehoof, I never thought I'd use any lessons I learned from you, I must admit. But, I suppose Ponyville can hold many surprises for anybody. I doubt that you've met her, but I've met a nice mare named Derpy – “Umm...I'm sorry to say this now, but...I...prefer Ditzy” I looked over my shoulder, blushing a bit as I saw her flushing bright red, obviously embarrassed for having been reading over my shoulder. I let out a slight chuckle and scratched out what I wrote Ditzy...local mail-mare around town. One of the nicest ponies I've ever met, if I may say. “Who're you writing to, anyway?” I blushed bright red at this question. “Oh, umm...j-just an old psychology teacher of mine...she kinda wanted me to keep a diary and send it to her, so...yeah” She giggled a bit with a smile, as I just looked away in embarrassment. “What, do you like her?” Seriously, Ditzy? I just sighed a bit. “Nah, just a good friend who helped me through college” Ehh, I'll save the letter for later, I guess. “Oh.” She blushed a little and looked away. “Hey, it's okay...I don't mind ponies asking questions.” She perked up a bit. “I mean...how else do you learn things, huh?” “...what do you see me as?” ….oh, why'd she have to ask that... “...umm...” I looked away as my ears laid back. I heard a slight whimper as she saw that. Damn reflexes... I turned back to her. “I see you as a really good friend...really” “But we just met...” She tilted her head a bit, intrigued by my answer. I just let out a quiet sigh...truth time. “Der....Ditzy..” She dropped her ears a bit as I caught myself. “Ditzy...maybe we should sit?” She nodded just a bit and sat on the couch as I sat beside her. “Ditzy....you're probably never going to believe this...but I was like you once...still am, really. Nervous, shy, scared of upsetting somepony...had breakdowns in front of random ponies...wait, didn't I say this last night?” “Yeah, I think so. Why?” “Moment of deja vu, sorry." She let out a quiet chuckle as things seem to click with her. "You see me as a good friend because I trusted you so quickly?" “Pretty much." I just nodded a bit “Cool!" “Listen...I know you really seem to like me.” She blushed bright red. I just chuckled a little bit. “No, I mean as a friend, silly.” “I knew that!” “It's alright, don't worry. I just want you to know...you can come to me for...anything at all, okay? Promise...don't even have to knock, just come find me.” She smiled brightly, like she's happy to have finally found somepony to trust.I just pulled her into a tight hug to try and help her feel comfortable with me, and I knew she did when she hugged me back just as tight. “Thank you...so much” She sniffled just a little, nuzzling into my neck. “umm...Tinker?” “Yeah?” “...umm...can I stay with you?” I blushed a bit at the suddenness of the question...and the previous conversation. “Uhh..i guess...you want my bed?” She shook her head a bit. “...everything okay at home?” I looked over at her curiously. “...i don't want to talk about it.” Her ears fell as she turned away from me “Need me to help get your stuff?” She just nodded a bit in reply, seeming almost shameful in a way. I followed her out the door to her house, drifting off into a flashback moment once more, as I seem to do a lot lately. “Tinker, come on...please, tell me what's going on.” “I really don't want to, Miss Gentlehoof...” She pulled me into a tight hug. Here I was...green stallion, blue mane...crying in the shoulder of a blue mare with a yellow mane, and a few hearts as a cutie mark. So much for being a strong stallion... “Tinker, please...I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on.” I just cried harder...I couldn't bear to tell her my best friend had just died, I just couldn't. “Tink...” oh, no...not the nickname...please don't use that...not now... I just looked up at her with a light sniffle. “...is this about Wind Turner?” She had her answer as I just cried into her shoulder even more. Wind Turner was one of my best friends. He stuck with me through thick and thin, he was the one waiting just outside Miss Gentlehoof's office when I had my first breakdown with her. And now, he was gone...gone from this world, by nothing more than a heart problem gone worse. Nobody could have predicted it, but...the question remains to this day. Why him? Why so soon? I let out a slight sniffle as the memory hit me, and Ditzy turned to look at me. “You okay?” no... “Yeah, Ditzy, I'm alright...thanks.” She just looked at me and nodded slightly, still trotting along. “...I suppose I should tell you why I really don't want to go home, shouldn't I?” ...wasn't expecting that “Only if you want to, I'm not going to force it." She sighed a bit and talked as we walked on down seemingly random roads. She told me how her house was right in the middle of town, how the club right by her house was loud at night and wouldn't let her sleep, how she didn't have any other choice, since that was the only place she could afford. We stopped as she told me about a few drunk ponies trying to break in, and how her house was slowly falling apart because she couldn't afford to fix it. I just held her for a while as she calmed down. We got going again after a few minutes and walked into her house. As soon as we did, I could understand why she wouldn't want to stay there. The bass from the nearby club that, from what I've been told, a miss Vinyl Scratch had opened, was ridiculous. All the windows vibrated, and Ditzy was looking around, panicked. “What's wrong?” “...this place is going to fall down soon, I just know it.” I looked around for a bit and instantly had the same feeling. “Yeah...umm...i guess, you could stay with me for a while...we'll get you a new place, I promise...one that's much quieter.” She smiled a bit at the implied promise...suddenly realizing how hard that would be to hold true to. “Thank you...so much....I owe you one, really.” I just shook my head. I found a good friend, that's more than enough for me. “Let's get some stuff for now, alright?” She smiled a bit more and nodded, walking and gathering a few things. I did the same thing, putting a few things in my saddlebag, and helping put some stuff in hers. “Umm...ok, I think we've got everything” “Alright, I say we go back to where it's quieter.” The gray mare nodded slightly as we started the walk back to my house. “I've got an extra key I can give to you, by the way.” She didn't say anything as we kept walking. I was taking in everything still...within 3 days (it was 1 AM by the time we got back to my place), I already comforted the mailmare, made friends with her, and invited her to stay with me so her house doesn't just collapse right on top of her. Never would have expected that, if I'm honest. Daylight reveals allDecrepit. That wasn't the best word to describe the state of Ditzys house, but it started to scratch the surface of it. Walls cracked, ceilings falling in, even the floor was buckled and straight-up missing in some spots. Repairs to this place would cost at least 3 times of a really good demolition, and that wasn't even with good construction. How the house still stood was an absolute mystery, and part of me genuinely wondered if there was some sort of dark magic involved in that. She deserves credit, though, for what she had to work with, she kept it immaculately clean. Even decorated around the holes in the floor so noone would fall in. I suppose she read a lot more of Canterlot Living than she led on when I first met her, which was confirmed when I wandered around the livingroom and saw the bookshelves absolutely packed with it, as well as other home decor magazines...and somewhat surprisingly, one of my companies catalogs. Last night, we came and got the essentials for her to be able to survive. Some food, blankets, a couple pillows and this strange looking plush doll that resembled a muffin. Strange, that mare, but I suppose it could be worse. Today, we came back in the daylight to start moving her properly. Some big stallion named Big Macintosh happened to let us borrow a cart, which I pulled along and parked right outside. It was small, but it's not like I could pull much bigger. My house wasn't all that far away anyway, so I wasn't all that bothered by it. "Tink...you still sure about this?" I heard her call from the kitchen, for about the eighth time today. Every time she asked, I couldn't help but let out a chuckle. I truly saw my past self in her, and I'm glad I could at least try and be the friendly difference between the two. "Ditzy, I'm positive...come on, would I have found a cart to help you move if I wasn't?" She let out a bit of an embarrassed whine with that. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she's got almost as much anxiety as that yellow pegasus I met a couple days ago. I forgot her name, though. "Yeah, I guess you're right." A hint of sadness that she couldn't hide. She never has been good at hiding her emotions, as far as I can tell, but it's most likely nothing she did wrong. I was packing up in the living room, going through drawers and cabinets and stuff, just sorting. Legal papers in the safe, magazines in a box and office supplies in the little container she gave me when we got here. A few pens and pencils, but nothing exciting. What was peculiar to me, however, was the uneven wear on the desk. In my job, you get an eye for weird details like that. Lighting, simple as it may sound, can be finicky. One spotlight here leaves another dark, colors clash, what have you. It's just a nuance of the job. The desk itself was fairly new. I found a sticker that said it was made 5 years ago, and the thing looked practically showroom quality. No scratches, dents, nothing, even the rolltop was in perfect shape. Little bit of dust here and there, but it's to be expected. She even had the top organized impeccably, likely her mailmare training taking hold there. That center drawer, though, got me curious. The handle was rubbed down, the veneer half gone around it and it even sagged a bit to one side almost like it was slammed quite a few times. I couldn't help but spend a few seconds just staring, analyzing in my head, trying to think of why that particular drawer would look so exhausted. Definitely weird details. Nopony else would notice it, more than likely, but it caught my attention and it wouldn't leave the front of my mind the whole time. Still, everything has to go. Easy process like the others, just grab ahold of the drawer, open it and... Oh, no... "Tinker...what is this?" My uncle, Yellow Rock, found it first. We were in the middle of moving, and he was helping us pack. The orange, muscular stallion was a huge help, up until he opened that one drawer. My 12 year old self didn't have the forethought to stash it somewhere else. I never expected it to get brought up. Just like always, there was no judgement in his voice. Just a great deal of concern. "What are...HEY, PUT THAT BACK!" I scrambled to run up to him and shove the stuff back in a drawer. A pill and journal. A way out, as I saw it. Something I ended up swiping from the vet, when we had to take our hedgehogs. The first and last time I ever stole anything, and it just had to be a bear sized dose of morphine. A heavy bear dose, too. He didn't see it from my perspective, obviously, and most certainly didn't leave it alone. Out of the blue, I was suddenly held tight against him with a foreleg, struggling and trying to reach toward the vial in a desperate attempt to get it back. "Tink...where'd you get this, kiddo? What's going on?" He held me fast and refused to let go...but that damn face of his, the one of worry, ended up driving me to tears. It always did, and he was always the caring one of the family. "Just...give it back, uncle...I swear, it's not what it looks like!" He didn't buy it, though. He never did. All the times we sat and talked for hours about what was going on in school, with my parents, with the neighbors...he knew. He told me he had a feeling that was coming, and he was worried. Scared, even. We sat and talked...read through the journal, looked at that stupid pill. My parents came and asked about the noise, too. I couldn't bring myself to say anything, and my uncle covered for me once again. Just like he always ends up doing, saying I fell up against the desk and rocked it. They bought it, too. As me and uncle Yellow chatted, trying to sort through my life and figure out what to do, night fell. We spent the rest of the day just talking, up until he found a certain page in my journal. The day I was locked in a chest and sent rolling down a hill, just to crash into a brick wall. I couldn't even look at that page without crying, and all the tear stains proved that it came up a lot. He asked me about it and I just cried myself to sleep. At least he never left my side. Just let me vent and get it out of my system...tucked me into bed and ended up sleeping on the floor beside me. Nightmares, he said is why he never left there. It kept happening, him opening the journal and asking me stuff. Took the whole weekend to pack that room, too, and I never got the pill back. The journal, though, he left with me. And he never told my parents about it. I dont know that they'd believe him anyway, even with evidence. Or even listen to my side of it. In fact, I really think they would have just -- "TINKER, GET OUT OF THERE!" Sudden yelling broke me out of my stupor. How long was I just staring in the drawer, at that morphine pill and old ragged book? And when did I start tearing up? My head perked up and looked over to her, standing behind me with tears in her own eyes and that look of staring at the violent end of a friendship. "What...what is this, Derpy? Where did you - OW! WHAT THE HELL?!" A book...right to the nose. That's what I got for my question. Rubbing my face with a bit of a growl I couldn't hold back, she ended up right in my face. I could almost see her heart breaking "WHY WERE YOU SNOOPING AROUND? YOU WERE JUST SUPPOSED TO PACK UP THE DESK, NOT PRY INTO MY PERSONAL FUCKING LIFE!" "Why'd you throw a book at me, Derpy?! WHY?" I couldn't even stop myself from her legal name. Too many emotions, and I didn't realize it til it was too late. A gasp...it started as a gasp from her, then she backed away. All the way to the open door, before she sniffled and let out a strange growl. "AND TO THINK I TRUSTED YOU!" Wings unfurled, she scrambled out the door. Before I could even run out and look to see where she went, she was gone. My back legs gave out from under me with a hard thunk right to my hip. Still rubbing my face, and trying desperately to spot a gray splotch in the sky, I just sat there. I couldn't fly after her, there was no way to run after an angry pegasus, and I had this strange feeling it'd make it so much worse. "...DAMNIT!" That got a look from a couple ponies on the street. They glared, but I couldn't give a shit. I was wiping blood from my nose and tears out of my eyes, and only one thought ran through my head. You have royally fucked yourself...again. Good job. I hated my conscience sometimes. Especially when it was right.
First ImpressionsLearning the Town {Author's note: This is just a stress reliever for me; yes, the mail-mare I referenced here is Derpy. I'm going off of some other fan-fics I've read where she's incredibly intelligent, just incredibly socially crippled...and emotional...me in a nutshell, honestly. The dragon is, indeed Spike...the name 'Miss Gentlehoof' just came off the top of my head....had to have something. And yes, I know there's like...nothing for excitement. I'm just not that kind of pony, I just like writing stories to tell a story. Who knows, I might make it more adventurous or something later, but for now, I think I'll just keep it calm. Probably better for me in the long run.} "Dear Diary/AKA Miss Gentlehoof: Why is it a bad day can't get better? I mean, come on...even I know better than to chat with a random pony about...well...random crap? Yeah, it's nice to just chat with a pony every now and then, but for two hours on end...no. Pretty much ruined my day today. I must be honest, I really am glad you gave me the idea of this diary. Kinda lucked out when I found a local dragon who can send these to you in a flash, saves me a lot of bits on postage. Though...hate to do that to the poor mail-mare here, she seems so nice...reminds me of myself. I have a hunch that might not be good for either of us. Maybe it's good she doesn't know me well, then? Anyway, hope all is well up in Canterlot still. Good thing you told Princess Celestia about what I do, huh? I have to admit, that jacked business way up, thank you a lot! I still owe you! Anyway, I guess I should wrap this up...li'l longer than usual, I know, just been one of those days. Your faithful (though admittedly unsure) student, Tinker Torch" Phew, that's done. You know, ever since I started doing these diaries to my old Psychology teacher (though, I still have no idea why I took that, if I went into a trade career), I think I have been a little calmer, at least at night. Of course, knowing I'm not alone in my...social dysfunctional-ism, helps....sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes. That poor mail-mare...Derpy's such a gentle pegasus, it's so hard to imagine she'd be the sort of mare she is....perhaps I should clarify. I own a fairly successful company (especially considering this is only its third year of operation) that sells, installs and maintains accent lighting (especially color changing lights); named Torch Lighting...we just recently became incorporated, so that's cool in itself. But in the process of getting this business off the ground, I found a slower lifestyle helps keep me fairly sane...hence, the move to just outside Ponyville. That, and the ponies here are just so...kind, especially for me being so different than most everypony here. I've been here for a couple months now, and I've already met some nice ponies here; but the ones that really caught my attention are Fluttershy (she reminds me of myself, too), and that poor, strange-eyed pegasus. Yeah yeah, I know you're probably saying I'm being way too sappy, but there's reasons I say that. One, we hit it off quick. When I first moved, I had to go to the post office to fill out the change of address crap...of course, this was after Pinkie Pie's obligatory welcoming party, which I will admit was a blast. Keep in mind, all this was in my first day here! “Hey there, mister! What brings you in here today?” I looked up from walking in, and there was a light gray, almost blue, pegasus hovering right above the desk. “Oh, just moved into town, gotta do the change of addre...ahem...change of address.” As I looked up, I happened to see her eyes. Yes, they caught me off-guard at first, because that's the first time I'd ever seen anything like that. Of course, I didn't want to upset her, so I tried my best to keep my composure. “Oh...umm, okay...hold on, lemme get that for you then.” I caught a glimpse of her ears dropping back as I spoke...unfortunately, I knew that look from personal experience. Crap, you upset her already...smooth. “okay...thanks.” As she flew off, I ended up acquiring the same kind of look she had. Not the eyes, but the dejected sort of look. I knew I screwed up already, I just hope she wouldn't hold that against me. Quick, Tink, think of something...hey, maybe she knows where some good places are around here! She came back. Rather quick, I might add. “Okay, mister, here's your pa...you okay?” SHIT! Come on, Tink! You've had that mask going forever, don't stop it now! You don't want her worried about you like Miss Gentlehoof was, do you? “Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine, just...bad memory hit me.” Well, there goes the chances of a good third impression. “Oh...yeah, I know how that is.” She got a headtilt from me...first time I've heard that from anypony. “Oh, right, address! You just need to put in your old address here,” she said as she took her hoof and pointed to one shaded section; “the new one here,” her hoof moved to another shaded section; “and a signature underneath it. Sound good?” I just watched her as she explained it to me. I've done it a couple times before, but there's no way I was going to be rude. I'd been that way enough already. “Yep! Thanks, miss...” “Oh, I'm sorry! I'm Miss Hooves.” Oh lord, I'd bet she got made fun of that a lot...wait, why did I just think that? “Oh, right, Miss Hooves.” I started quietly filling out the paperwork as the back of my mind thought of something to say. Come on, Tink...break your usual silence, you know you don't like ponies who act even remotely like you do. Paperwork filled out, I just quietly nosed it back to her and put the pen back in the cup on the desk. “Hey, Miss Hooves...umm...” Oh, come on, Tink! Think...ugh, stop saying that, that's so corny. Come on, tell her you're having a party or something. “Yes, Mister....Torch? As in, the Torch, from Torch Lighting?” ...wait, what? “Yeah...that'd be me.” This baffled me a bit. How'd she hear about me? One, I didn't have anything out here this far...two, I didn't know I was so well known! Especially for something so insignificant as making...lights...weird. “I'm a big fan! I happened to read an edition of 'Canterlot Living', and saw a picture of those lights you installed in the Princess' castle, and I've always wanted to meet you and see you at work, and...” She inhaled...then blushed a little. “Sorry, I ramble sometimes.” I couldn't help but let out a slight chuckle. “Anyway, I've always wanted to meet you! You see, I've kinda been working on my own thing that you might like...” Oh, holy crap, you have fans. This is new! This could be helpful I had to think up something quick. “Oh, well then...yeah, the castle was one heck of a job.” I took a moment to ponder something. “Hey, your little creation...or dare I call it what I call my stuff, a monster?” Her ears dropped again at the term 'monster.' “Err....anyway, if you want, you can pop by my place later. Would be nice to have someone to chat with.” I saw her ears perk up, and I could have sworn her eyes lit up. “Oh, really? That'd be neat! Umm...I can get out of here in about a couple hours, is that okay?” I didn't have the heart to really say anything, so I just nodded. “Cool! See ya then!” ...that went strangely well. Well...first day here and I found a fan...might've found a friend, too. So, yeah, I put stuff in the castle for Princess Celestia. She was actually my second customer, so that was a massive risk...went well. I didn't get banned to a tiny island in the middle of nowhere, so that should say a lot. Maybe I should explain what my stuff does. To some, yes, it's just color changing lights. But, that's only when they go into the showroom at Canterlot. The cool thing is, I've had some of the contractors around build some small, complex rooms so I could show off just how artistic it can look. It all depends on the room, really. Though, I digress. The next couple hours of the day went by unceremoniously. Filling the fridge with the food I brought, organizing the cabinets, the usual. I admittedly had sort of forgotten I had a pony coming over, so the doorbell surprised me quite a bit...partly because I forgot this house had one. Off to the door I trotted. “Hi there, Tinker!” Holy crap, I barely opened the door. You know, you learn quick that this pony is fast! “Oh, hey there, Miss Hooves...sorry, kinda got caught up with organizing here. Come on in!” And with that, I got the strange feeling that it was going to be an interesting visit. “Thanks! Wow...roomy, huh?” I nodded a bit as I trotted back to the kitchen to finish what I started. I know, bad host, but I do hope she'd understand....of course, I didn't know she didn't see me nod...or walk. “Hey, where ya goin?” I stopped. “Huh? Oh...sorry, I still kinda wasn't done with this.” My ears dropped a little, feeling bad. Unfortunately, she mirrored me....so, I went on a hunch. “You wanna help?” Her ears perked up. There we go! “Sure! What can I do for ya?” “Well, you see that box over there?” I pointed my hoof to a rather small box marked 'Kitchen'. I wasn't being mean by giving her the smallest box to move, it just so happened thats all that was left. She nodded a bit. “Can you bring that here for me, Miss Hooves?” “Sure!” She flew over with what seemed to be excitement I've only seen from fillies whose parents just let them play in the mud, or something. I jumped at a slight thud, whipping around quickly and rushing to her. “Hey...you okay?” She lay against the nearby chair, which was now turned upside down. Her eyes were spinning like she just got conked on the head, as she was sprawled over the floor in a rather odd position. “Yeah, I...I'm okay...just tripped, is all.” How could she trip? She was flying...right? I had helped her to her hooves as she gave me a slightly odd look..like, worry, mixed in with some emotional pain, like it's happened before. “Miss Hooves...I hate to be so blunt, but...you don't look like you're okay.” Her ears dropped more as she looked away from me....was that a hint of shame? Oh, god, she is me! “I'm...I'm so sorry, Mister Torch, I'm such a klutz! I didn't mean to break your chair, I really didn't! I just....” I saw tears...acting on a whim, I gently tried to pull her into a hug. I was amazed when she didn't fight, to be honest. All of a sudden, I felt legs wrapped around me, attached to quite a shaky mare....the poor girl scared herself half to death. “Shh, shh...it's okay, Miss Hooves.” She whimpered a bit and muttered something. “What was that?” A couple sniffles later, she had the courage to say “My name is Derpy....” And in an instant, everything seemed to make sense. I just hugged her tighter and she ended up crying even more. She must have seen trust in me, somehow. Oh, dear Celestia, I hope I'll be able to help her.
Morning recollectionsLearning the Town I've found over the years that emotions can be a baffling thing. They can send us into a fit of giddyness, they can make us seek revenge...or they can make us have an utter breakdown, crying in the hooves of a pony you just met, and desperately hoping they understand. Miss Hooves...I mean Derpy, had ended up crying herself to sleep over the course of a few hours. By then my legs were asleep, my butt hurt from sitting on it, but I held her still...because I learned quickly she liked being held. Try to let go of her once, she lets out a quiet whimper and holds onto you even tighter, which I must admit was rather cute at the same time. But all of this made me wonder what got her like this in the first place. Of course, just by looking at her, I came up with my own ideas, hoping to Celestia I wasn't right. Unfortunately, I slowly got a feeling that I was. As I started to let her go to do a few things, she actually let go of me, still asleep. I gave her a quick rub on her back and that seemed to make her happy. Hmm...maybe all this little mare wanted was someone to hold her through a bad breakdown. This is one heck of a way to find it, though. I mean, come on, this was only my first day in Ponyville! I stood up and trotted off, pausing to look at her still asleep, but now having curled up a bit and shivering, so I trotted up to my bedroom and came back with a blanket and pillow...and a plush pony my parents gave me when I was young. It's helped me before, worth a shot. As I started to lift her head to sneak the pillow under, she stirred. Aww, man... “Oh...hi there, Mister Torch.” She let out a rather cute yawn and stretched...then her eyes went wide as she realized what happened earlier. I quickly hugged her again. Surprised, she took a moment and hugged me back. “For the record....I don't mind that you fell asleep, it was nice to see you at peace.” “...I broke your chair, didn't I? I can fix it, I swear!” Her ears lay back again as I heard a few sniffles, thinking she was gonna break out into tears again.. This mare was so scared she broke my chair...wow. I was just glad she was okay and didn't break something for real.. Though as I looked at her, I noticed a bruise on her leg. “The chair can be replaced...besides, I got it at a yard sale for, like, 5 bits on my way here yesterday. Not a big loss, and...I don't think you broke it anyway.” She looked a little relieved after I said that, so I let her go and she sat back down. “Well...maybe I should get going, before I ruin anything else for you.” And with that, her head drooped a bit as she slowly started toward the door. “No, you can stay, it's quite alright...would love the company. Tell ya what, you can help me if you want, you can sit and chat...and if you get tired, I'll letcha sleep on my bed, okay?” Mental note: If she likes the bed, offer it to her. Besides, you've been trying to get rid of that stiff thing for how many years now? “Oh...well, okay then.” She smiled a bit and stopped, turning back to me. I stood up, having been sitting, when all of a sudden my back legs slipped and planted me right back on my butt.. I blinked in surprise as she chuckled, and I couldn't help but laugh myself. “Well then...that was random.” I started to stand up again and walked back to the kitchen, never having finished putting the dishes away. "Looks like we're a little alike, huh?" “Yeah, I guess we are.” I stopped and looked back at her as she promptly crawled up on the couch and curled up with a yawn. “You sure you don't want the bed?” She just shook her head a bit and started to doze off. I waited a few minutes before I walked up and draped the blanket over her once more. “Goodnight, Miss Hooves.” I picked up the little plush pony in my mouth and gently set it beside her. I heard a faint “Goodnight, Tink”, then a few snores. I smiled to myself and curled up on the floor as she snoozed, just wanting to be close by in case she needs somepony to talk to. Well, that and my bed is horrible. Though, I never did really sleep. I just laid there, old memories running through my head of myself in her sort of position. Of course, trying not to think about it only made it worse. A few tears fell as memories of some really bad times had crossed my mind. I tried to shake them out of my head, but it was no use. I was just glad she couldn't see me. I calmed down as Celestia's Sun started to rise, as well as the little gray mare on my couch. She yawned, stretched, then saw me sitting quietly, and gave me a surprised look that I just happened to catch a glimpse of. “Why'd you sleep down here?” Okay, time to think now...don't let her know you were almost crying, too “Well...one, my bed is not good for me, and two....if I'm honest, I'd feel bad for leaving you down here all by yourself with what happened last night.” Her ears dropped. She hoped it was all just a nightmare, I'm sure. I would, too. “Derpy...I only say that because I've been in about the same position you were in last night....so afraid I messed up big time that I just had a breakdown...unfortunately, it was in my room, all alone. If you're anything like me, I don't want to do that to you, too.” She looked up at me with a bit of surprise. I just got an “Oh...” out of her. She looked away a bit. “Hey, you want some breakfast or something? I think I've got a hayburger in the fridge from my trip here, you want it?” She looked up at me and nodded a bit, so I trotted off to the kitchen to get her one, popped it in my little oven I still haven't thought up a name for. By the time her burger was warm, she was already standing beside me, in awe of the contraption. “Ooooh...what's that do?” “It warms up leftover food..rather quickly, might I add.” I had a bit of pride wash over me and I gave what was probably a sort of smug smile. She just chuckled at me. “Cool! Can I have one?” I thought for a minute, as she sort of bounced on her hooves in excitement. “Sure! Might take me a bit to get the parts, but I could probably build ya one.” She leapt in the air and let out an excited scream, pulled her hayburger out and sat at the dining room table, then started nibbling on it. She has energy! “So, why'd ya decide to move here?” She sure sounded perked up from last night, that's good. “Slower pace of life...Canterlot's just a little too crowded for me, too many people know me there. That, and I'm a bit of a country pony at heart. Why'd you move here?” Her ears dropped again. She swallowed the last bite of her hayburger. “I don't want to talk about it.” “Fair enough. So...whats the town like, anyway?” She started rambling on about a few events that went on, some of the nice ponies around, but I wasn't entirely listening. My mind kept going back to last night, her breakdown, and wondering what might have made her so scared. When I was still in school, Miss Gentlehoof always told me to ask questions and get to know a pony. She also said to be caring to somepony who's upset, listen to what they have to say, and try to help. That's never been a problem for me, but it worries me when somepony doesn't want to talk about something so...well, seemingly simple, like why they moved to a certain city. Probably something in her past she doesn't want to remember. “...so I just had to ask if she could make me some more of those blueberry muffins, they were just so good!” Have I really not been paying attention for that long? Great. “Oh, really?” She nodded with a smile “Well, that's always good to hear.” My mind drifted back to my days in school...particularly my first couple years in college when I had Miss Gentlehoof's class. I was always the kind of pony to keep to himself, stay in the back of the class and stay quiet. The first few days, I was intently paying attention to her class...after that, it just sort of dropped off. Even worse, my teacher noticed it. She never said anything to anypony else, but she knew something wasn't right. Especially when you're a psychology teacher, it's not hard to spot. The worried look, barely ever looking up from their desk, slumped back in their chair. The signs were obvious to her...and the one time she wanted to talk to me after class, I thought I was in trouble for not turning in my latest homework. I walked into her office and she looked at me like she usually does. Happy to see me, for some reason. I've never understood that. “Tinker, I've been noticing you haven't been quite yourself lately...everything alright?” Oh, no... “Uhh...yeah, I'm fine, why?” She started to explain a few things, and unfortunately for us both, it was hitting way too close to home. She told me that when she sees a pony sad, she knows something's wrong, and she's desperate to help them. She knows I've been single, and had no special somepony (which, as a side note, wasn't all that uncommon in that college), so that couldn't be it. When she asked me what was on my mind...I just cried. She pulled me in for a hug, which I wasn't expecting, but I clung to her tight just the same. It was almost like a mother holding her crying filly...which, in hindsight, is one screwed-up way to compare this. I had told her I had no idea what was wrong, and she understood completely. She said she's had a few students like that in the past, at it wasn't anything new. She also vowed to help me any way she could, to try and get me to feel better. Ever since that little episode of mine,, we've always been in contact through letters. Miss Gentlehoof has been asking how I'm doing, what I'm up to and such, and I must admit that I do like it. It's kept me sane sometimes, too. I had no idea, however, how much that experience would stick with me, and I never expected for me to be in the same position as my old teacher was with me. Especially with someone I had never met before. This would be an interesting town indeed.
Bringing back memoriesLearning the Town “Hey, Derpy.” The gray mare I've come to know so well over the past...well, technically two days, walked right back in my door. “Hi, Tinker!” She smiled big as she walked in, sitting on the couch and getting comfy. A few hours ago, she said she had to leave for work. I had also told her she's welcome back anytime, I just didn't tell her why. While she was gone, I had to take care of some paperwork...owning a business can be rough on a pony. Wrote some letters, filled out forms, even wrote Princess Celestia to see how everything was going there. Just a little thing I like to call "Customer Relations." But now, I was working a letter of a more personal matter, rather than business Dear Miss Gentlehoof, I never thought I'd use any lessons I learned from you, I must admit. But, I suppose Ponyville can hold many surprises for anybody. I doubt that you've met her, but I've met a nice mare named Derpy – “Umm...I'm sorry to say this now, but...I...prefer Ditzy” I looked over my shoulder, blushing a bit as I saw her flushing bright red, obviously embarrassed for having been reading over my shoulder. I let out a slight chuckle and scratched out what I wrote Ditzy...local mail-mare around town. One of the nicest ponies I've ever met, if I may say. “Who're you writing to, anyway?” I blushed bright red at this question. “Oh, umm...j-just an old psychology teacher of mine...she kinda wanted me to keep a diary and send it to her, so...yeah” She giggled a bit with a smile, as I just looked away in embarrassment. “What, do you like her?” Seriously, Ditzy? I just sighed a bit. “Nah, just a good friend who helped me through college” Ehh, I'll save the letter for later, I guess. “Oh.” She blushed a little and looked away. “Hey, it's okay...I don't mind ponies asking questions.” She perked up a bit. “I mean...how else do you learn things, huh?” “...what do you see me as?” ….oh, why'd she have to ask that... “...umm...” I looked away as my ears laid back. I heard a slight whimper as she saw that. Damn reflexes... I turned back to her. “I see you as a really good friend...really” “But we just met...” She tilted her head a bit, intrigued by my answer. I just let out a quiet sigh...truth time. “Der....Ditzy..” She dropped her ears a bit as I caught myself. “Ditzy...maybe we should sit?” She nodded just a bit and sat on the couch as I sat beside her. “Ditzy....you're probably never going to believe this...but I was like you once...still am, really. Nervous, shy, scared of upsetting somepony...had breakdowns in front of random ponies...wait, didn't I say this last night?” “Yeah, I think so. Why?” “Moment of deja vu, sorry." She let out a quiet chuckle as things seem to click with her. "You see me as a good friend because I trusted you so quickly?" “Pretty much." I just nodded a bit “Cool!" “Listen...I know you really seem to like me.” She blushed bright red. I just chuckled a little bit. “No, I mean as a friend, silly.” “I knew that!” “It's alright, don't worry. I just want you to know...you can come to me for...anything at all, okay? Promise...don't even have to knock, just come find me.” She smiled brightly, like she's happy to have finally found somepony to trust.I just pulled her into a tight hug to try and help her feel comfortable with me, and I knew she did when she hugged me back just as tight. “Thank you...so much” She sniffled just a little, nuzzling into my neck. “umm...Tinker?” “Yeah?” “...umm...can I stay with you?” I blushed a bit at the suddenness of the question...and the previous conversation. “Uhh..i guess...you want my bed?” She shook her head a bit. “...everything okay at home?” I looked over at her curiously. “...i don't want to talk about it.” Her ears fell as she turned away from me “Need me to help get your stuff?” She just nodded a bit in reply, seeming almost shameful in a way. I followed her out the door to her house, drifting off into a flashback moment once more, as I seem to do a lot lately. “Tinker, come on...please, tell me what's going on.” “I really don't want to, Miss Gentlehoof...” She pulled me into a tight hug. Here I was...green stallion, blue mane...crying in the shoulder of a blue mare with a yellow mane, and a few hearts as a cutie mark. So much for being a strong stallion... “Tinker, please...I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on.” I just cried harder...I couldn't bear to tell her my best friend had just died, I just couldn't. “Tink...” oh, no...not the nickname...please don't use that...not now... I just looked up at her with a light sniffle. “...is this about Wind Turner?” She had her answer as I just cried into her shoulder even more. Wind Turner was one of my best friends. He stuck with me through thick and thin, he was the one waiting just outside Miss Gentlehoof's office when I had my first breakdown with her. And now, he was gone...gone from this world, by nothing more than a heart problem gone worse. Nobody could have predicted it, but...the question remains to this day. Why him? Why so soon? I let out a slight sniffle as the memory hit me, and Ditzy turned to look at me. “You okay?” no... “Yeah, Ditzy, I'm alright...thanks.” She just looked at me and nodded slightly, still trotting along. “...I suppose I should tell you why I really don't want to go home, shouldn't I?” ...wasn't expecting that “Only if you want to, I'm not going to force it." She sighed a bit and talked as we walked on down seemingly random roads. She told me how her house was right in the middle of town, how the club right by her house was loud at night and wouldn't let her sleep, how she didn't have any other choice, since that was the only place she could afford. We stopped as she told me about a few drunk ponies trying to break in, and how her house was slowly falling apart because she couldn't afford to fix it. I just held her for a while as she calmed down. We got going again after a few minutes and walked into her house. As soon as we did, I could understand why she wouldn't want to stay there. The bass from the nearby club that, from what I've been told, a miss Vinyl Scratch had opened, was ridiculous. All the windows vibrated, and Ditzy was looking around, panicked. “What's wrong?” “...this place is going to fall down soon, I just know it.” I looked around for a bit and instantly had the same feeling. “Yeah...umm...i guess, you could stay with me for a while...we'll get you a new place, I promise...one that's much quieter.” She smiled a bit at the implied promise...suddenly realizing how hard that would be to hold true to. “Thank you...so much....I owe you one, really.” I just shook my head. I found a good friend, that's more than enough for me. “Let's get some stuff for now, alright?” She smiled a bit more and nodded, walking and gathering a few things. I did the same thing, putting a few things in my saddlebag, and helping put some stuff in hers. “Umm...ok, I think we've got everything” “Alright, I say we go back to where it's quieter.” The gray mare nodded slightly as we started the walk back to my house. “I've got an extra key I can give to you, by the way.” She didn't say anything as we kept walking. I was taking in everything still...within 3 days (it was 1 AM by the time we got back to my place), I already comforted the mailmare, made friends with her, and invited her to stay with me so her house doesn't just collapse right on top of her. Never would have expected that, if I'm honest.
Daylight reveals allDecrepit. That wasn't the best word to describe the state of Ditzys house, but it started to scratch the surface of it. Walls cracked, ceilings falling in, even the floor was buckled and straight-up missing in some spots. Repairs to this place would cost at least 3 times of a really good demolition, and that wasn't even with good construction. How the house still stood was an absolute mystery, and part of me genuinely wondered if there was some sort of dark magic involved in that. She deserves credit, though, for what she had to work with, she kept it immaculately clean. Even decorated around the holes in the floor so noone would fall in. I suppose she read a lot more of Canterlot Living than she led on when I first met her, which was confirmed when I wandered around the livingroom and saw the bookshelves absolutely packed with it, as well as other home decor magazines...and somewhat surprisingly, one of my companies catalogs. Last night, we came and got the essentials for her to be able to survive. Some food, blankets, a couple pillows and this strange looking plush doll that resembled a muffin. Strange, that mare, but I suppose it could be worse. Today, we came back in the daylight to start moving her properly. Some big stallion named Big Macintosh happened to let us borrow a cart, which I pulled along and parked right outside. It was small, but it's not like I could pull much bigger. My house wasn't all that far away anyway, so I wasn't all that bothered by it. "Tink...you still sure about this?" I heard her call from the kitchen, for about the eighth time today. Every time she asked, I couldn't help but let out a chuckle. I truly saw my past self in her, and I'm glad I could at least try and be the friendly difference between the two. "Ditzy, I'm positive...come on, would I have found a cart to help you move if I wasn't?" She let out a bit of an embarrassed whine with that. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she's got almost as much anxiety as that yellow pegasus I met a couple days ago. I forgot her name, though. "Yeah, I guess you're right." A hint of sadness that she couldn't hide. She never has been good at hiding her emotions, as far as I can tell, but it's most likely nothing she did wrong. I was packing up in the living room, going through drawers and cabinets and stuff, just sorting. Legal papers in the safe, magazines in a box and office supplies in the little container she gave me when we got here. A few pens and pencils, but nothing exciting. What was peculiar to me, however, was the uneven wear on the desk. In my job, you get an eye for weird details like that. Lighting, simple as it may sound, can be finicky. One spotlight here leaves another dark, colors clash, what have you. It's just a nuance of the job. The desk itself was fairly new. I found a sticker that said it was made 5 years ago, and the thing looked practically showroom quality. No scratches, dents, nothing, even the rolltop was in perfect shape. Little bit of dust here and there, but it's to be expected. She even had the top organized impeccably, likely her mailmare training taking hold there. That center drawer, though, got me curious. The handle was rubbed down, the veneer half gone around it and it even sagged a bit to one side almost like it was slammed quite a few times. I couldn't help but spend a few seconds just staring, analyzing in my head, trying to think of why that particular drawer would look so exhausted. Definitely weird details. Nopony else would notice it, more than likely, but it caught my attention and it wouldn't leave the front of my mind the whole time. Still, everything has to go. Easy process like the others, just grab ahold of the drawer, open it and... Oh, no... "Tinker...what is this?" My uncle, Yellow Rock, found it first. We were in the middle of moving, and he was helping us pack. The orange, muscular stallion was a huge help, up until he opened that one drawer. My 12 year old self didn't have the forethought to stash it somewhere else. I never expected it to get brought up. Just like always, there was no judgement in his voice. Just a great deal of concern. "What are...HEY, PUT THAT BACK!" I scrambled to run up to him and shove the stuff back in a drawer. A pill and journal. A way out, as I saw it. Something I ended up swiping from the vet, when we had to take our hedgehogs. The first and last time I ever stole anything, and it just had to be a bear sized dose of morphine. A heavy bear dose, too. He didn't see it from my perspective, obviously, and most certainly didn't leave it alone. Out of the blue, I was suddenly held tight against him with a foreleg, struggling and trying to reach toward the vial in a desperate attempt to get it back. "Tink...where'd you get this, kiddo? What's going on?" He held me fast and refused to let go...but that damn face of his, the one of worry, ended up driving me to tears. It always did, and he was always the caring one of the family. "Just...give it back, uncle...I swear, it's not what it looks like!" He didn't buy it, though. He never did. All the times we sat and talked for hours about what was going on in school, with my parents, with the neighbors...he knew. He told me he had a feeling that was coming, and he was worried. Scared, even. We sat and talked...read through the journal, looked at that stupid pill. My parents came and asked about the noise, too. I couldn't bring myself to say anything, and my uncle covered for me once again. Just like he always ends up doing, saying I fell up against the desk and rocked it. They bought it, too. As me and uncle Yellow chatted, trying to sort through my life and figure out what to do, night fell. We spent the rest of the day just talking, up until he found a certain page in my journal. The day I was locked in a chest and sent rolling down a hill, just to crash into a brick wall. I couldn't even look at that page without crying, and all the tear stains proved that it came up a lot. He asked me about it and I just cried myself to sleep. At least he never left my side. Just let me vent and get it out of my system...tucked me into bed and ended up sleeping on the floor beside me. Nightmares, he said is why he never left there. It kept happening, him opening the journal and asking me stuff. Took the whole weekend to pack that room, too, and I never got the pill back. The journal, though, he left with me. And he never told my parents about it. I dont know that they'd believe him anyway, even with evidence. Or even listen to my side of it. In fact, I really think they would have just -- "TINKER, GET OUT OF THERE!" Sudden yelling broke me out of my stupor. How long was I just staring in the drawer, at that morphine pill and old ragged book? And when did I start tearing up? My head perked up and looked over to her, standing behind me with tears in her own eyes and that look of staring at the violent end of a friendship. "What...what is this, Derpy? Where did you - OW! WHAT THE HELL?!" A book...right to the nose. That's what I got for my question. Rubbing my face with a bit of a growl I couldn't hold back, she ended up right in my face. I could almost see her heart breaking "WHY WERE YOU SNOOPING AROUND? YOU WERE JUST SUPPOSED TO PACK UP THE DESK, NOT PRY INTO MY PERSONAL FUCKING LIFE!" "Why'd you throw a book at me, Derpy?! WHY?" I couldn't even stop myself from her legal name. Too many emotions, and I didn't realize it til it was too late. A gasp...it started as a gasp from her, then she backed away. All the way to the open door, before she sniffled and let out a strange growl. "AND TO THINK I TRUSTED YOU!" Wings unfurled, she scrambled out the door. Before I could even run out and look to see where she went, she was gone. My back legs gave out from under me with a hard thunk right to my hip. Still rubbing my face, and trying desperately to spot a gray splotch in the sky, I just sat there. I couldn't fly after her, there was no way to run after an angry pegasus, and I had this strange feeling it'd make it so much worse. "...DAMNIT!" That got a look from a couple ponies on the street. They glared, but I couldn't give a shit. I was wiping blood from my nose and tears out of my eyes, and only one thought ran through my head. You have royally fucked yourself...again. Good job. I hated my conscience sometimes. Especially when it was right.
