My Little World

It was a clear night in the city of Manehatten. Crimson looked out the window from his apartment on the eighth floor and looked at the city. He sat there from his black love seat and wondered. Right now It was around five the morning. He liked watching the sunrise. To him it meant he could give himself another chance to try. He spoke to himself mentally as he always has. No one ever understood him mentally, even his mom forgot he had a mental disorder at times. His dad doesn't even bother trying to be supportive and tries to hard to be with him when he just wants to be alone. He sighs to himself and begins to think. He always thinks crazy thoughts. There was no end to his pool of thoughts and nonexistent emotions.

It's such a sad little world Isn't it?
You think you hold all of Equrestia even if it's for a bit.
Time is short as even the very things that make us will no longer exist.
Live life while you can? I object to that and that will never will my mind mix.
If you live while you can then you'll only take the easy route.

Life is nothing short of a living Tartarus that will never end even if you die.
If you so wish then go with the pink mare and make your pie.
Who knows it may be your last.
What am I even saying here. Clearly I have no clue what's going on in my mind.
Why must I even be poetic? My Mirthless words will fall of deaf ears

Okay Crimson just take it slowly. Why do you think ponies hate each other?
Is it because by law of the jungle we are still animals fighting for resources.
But why must ponies be so dumb with basic common sense. Am I the dumb one and I don't want to admit it.
Is it this gift my Mother keeps telling me about. And how I am oh so "special."

In what way am I special? Is it my intellect, my ability to be oblivious to everything.
I hate it. If only I knew why. But I would only know in death when a higher power sends me to Tartarus.
Why Tartarus? You ask, because I have done many wrong things for good reason. I always play the Black Knight.
While everyone else praises the White Knight. My work goes unnoticed. And so I am just a snake bound to eat its tail.
Go ahead and slap sense into me, it won't change what I feel.

I promised I wouldn't be held for ransom by the loneliness many ponies fear.
Ponies will never understand it under all that friendship and magic they believe that will deliver them from evil.
So If I had to be evil for the greater good then I will hold the whole world in my hoof.
Would I win it all in the very game of chess... Perhaps not. I dare not challenge Celestia and Luna.
I may be their friend but... I value no friendship. Why would I go through all that heartache for someone who is bound to die one day. I will not change them. Only they will change themselves. Some would call that selfish but I call it "Thinking for the ponies" Why should I babysit them.

Its pointless really having these insane thoughts. It's not like anyone would even listen to me. Who would listen to a ten year old foal with Autism. All they can do is think of it as a gift. It makes me sick and I would be strongly offended by that. Yes Its great to have a pony who is special but you must look at it for both good and bad. I don't care what you may think but it is no means a gift when everyone hates you by simply what you say. And there is no one to go to since this kind of Autism is rare in Equrestia. And so where am I left now. I guess wallow in my sadness... No I am left with boredom.

The feeling of boredom. A feeling I know too well and a feeling I hate more than any other. An intensive aching pain, to the point of physical sensation and agony. No, I would rather feel intensive pain and agony than boredom. Calling "boredom" simple pain would be a remarkable understatement. Boredom, is nothing short of Tartarus itself.

And there is nothing I can do. I am bored of all this hatred in the world. It's just the same boring song you just can't stop listing to on repeat. No one will ever look to the future. They're just stuck in the past. There are ponies who will not forgive Luna for what happened 1000 years ago. No one forgives Discord, and everyone wants to kill Starlight Glimmer for wanting to make her ideal world. And this is why we will never move to the future. If only we could all be friends... What am I saying. This is the pony that has no real friends and he wants friendship for everyone. Why would I bother...

Maybe I am thinking of the Ponies again as I always have. Maybe I just want to get away from this constant fear of ponies who are out to kill and I have a bullet with my name on it... That is what I am scared of. Please Celestia don't hurt those who I hold close. Even if I say I don't love them that doesn't mean my heart won't say it... Is that what Equrestia will come to in the future. Hate for all and pure anarchy. I wish to be dead when that happens.No I am just a heartless bastard. There is no point in somepony to think they know what's best when all they think is that life is without meaning, love is nothing but chemical reactions,Life at it's most significant is a tragedy.

I don't know what to say anymore. Maybe it's time I find myself flying in the sky with feathers of lead, have a passion that burns like a cold fire. and Become the honorable villain.

Crimson continued to look out the window. The sun was starting the rise as Celestia has every morning. It was the dawn of a new day and Crimson could go out into the world and try again. He had no fear for what was to come next as it seemed he was the only pony who truly understood how to live. All you have to do is imagine, shed light on the black roses, grow up to be happy, and come home to say today was a good day. But he could be wrong. Everypony knows there is no right answer. Crimson hopped off of his love seat and walked to the kitchen to get his breakfast. Today was a new day in Equrestia and anything could happen.