She was silent for a long time. Hesitantly, Luna spoke. “Similarly, I have often speculated.” They sat in silence for a while longer. “Often?” “Yes.” “How often?” Luna went quiet again. “Daily.” she said eventually. “For how long?” Luna looked away. Twilight’s muscles tensed and her stomach churned.
Twilight began speaking quickly, “At least I could have-” “The alternative isn’t better.” Luna interrupted. “I know. It’s hard to come to terms with. Your mind is either awake and discontent or-” There was nothing more to say.
Twilight took a long deep breath. She did all she could to steady herself, but the shaking only worsened. “I’m here. I’m with you.” Luna whispered. “Does it matter?” “No. I know it doesn’t. Or it may, but it may not seem like it.” “Then-” Twilight lost her train of thought. “This isn’t something you can think your way through.” Luna breathed, “It’s a problem with no solution.”
“Nothing is good.” sighed Twilight, her voice straining. “Everything is everything, more accurately.” Luna said assuringly. “Then nothing is better than anything else.” Twilight retorted, “No actions are better than any other actions. We’re trapped! We’re-” She was hyperventilating again.
“Stop. Put it out of your mind.” “I can’t.” “I know.”
Luna wrapped a wing around Twilight and placed her neck over hers. Slowly, Twilight allowed her head to be lowered to the ground, and her breath gradually steadied. Twilight closed her eyes, and they laid side-by-side for a length of time. A soft breeze rustled the surrounding foliage.
“Everypony goes through this to one degree or another. It will pass, and then it will return, and then it will pass again.” Luna said quietly. “Do you honestly think somepony like Pinkie goes through this?” “Yes, but in a different way. Everypony has doubts. Everypony has fears.”
Twilight felt like she was going to be sick. “Then what’s it all for? What could possibly be gained? Does anything have value?” Her mind was grasping for any shred of objectivity. She stood up abruptly. The uneasiness was feeding on itself. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t face this! I can’t possibly live forever!“ Twilight draped her front hooves over the balcony’s railing, looking over the shimmering lake beyond. “Before it was scary, but, on some level, I knew it would end. But now…” she trailed off, her eyes bleary with tears.
“It’s equally terrifying.” Luna completed Twilight’s thought. “I understand.”
“Consciousness is a perpetuity of unease. Satiation and unease. It’s our nature.” Luna continued, her voice rising, “Tolerate the unease, and wait for the satiation.” she said with an air of finality. Twilight turned to face her. “But what if one seems to outweigh the other?” she asked in a despondent tone. “Please don’t compare them.” Luna’s voice sank to a whisper. “Then what am I supposed to think?” Twilight all but shouted.
Luna averted her eyes. Twilight had struck something in the princess’s psyche. She approached Luna timidly. “I- I’m sorry.” Luna was unresponsive. “I didn’t mean...” Twilight didn’t know what to say. She did mean it. She was angry that Luna couldn’t provide an adequate refutation. She couldn’t believe that someone who had lived for so long didn’t have any real answers.
Luna breathed more and more heavily. The night grew darker as the stars left the sky one by one. The brilliant shimmering lake was now an inky blotch in the distance.
“Luna?” Twilight asked in a concerned tone. “I know not. I know not why we do it.” Luna managed to utter between gasps, “Perhaps for the sake of others is the best reason I have.” Twilight was hesitant to reply. She had already thought of this, of course, and she was sure Luna already knew her rebuttal. It was a weak argument; if everypony was living for one another, then it would be equally valid for nopony to live at all.
“I’m not convinced.” was all Twilight was willing to mutter, and that was all that she needed to get her point across. “I know!” Luna replied, tears now rolling down her face, “I have ventured down this road more times than you know, Twilight, and for each trip I am no closer to its conclusion.”
“Even the best of lives seem to have their measure of misery. We’re at the mercy of our minds, and it shall never end! Or, when it does end, we shall never know it. I agree with you; one cannot derive meaning from longevity. Immortality solves nothing. Nothing can be ultimately accomplished when there was no ultimate goal to begin with!”
Luna took a while to steady herself. “What will you do?” she questioned.
“Nothing, for now. All I can do is wait for the satiation and tolerate the unease.”
