New Beginnings, Old Wounds
The traincar swayed slightly, jostling its riders as it rounded a bend. This caused my son to mumble softly, adjusting in his seat, head falling against my side. I gently brushed his thick blonde hair out of his eyes, letting my hand come to rest on the back of his head. Were he awake, he probably would have protested this gesture of affection. I felt a smile creep onto my face. I glanced up to see a white unicorn in the seat opposite us watching with big blue eyes, a copy of the Canterlot Gazzette held loosely in her hooves. An elegant cascade of violet ran down the side of her face, and she tossed her head slightly as she met my gaze, matching my smile.
“How old is he?” She asked softly, folding the newspaper neatly on her lap.
“He’s 9.” I responded, a bit louder than she. “He was pretty tired when we left Manehatten this morning, so I don't think you'll wake him.” As if to protest my remark, the little boy slid his feet out to the side and curled up on the seat beside me, resting his cheek on my leg. I grabbed my coat from the hanger next to the aisle and draped it over him. He mumbled something that sounded like ‘thank you’. The pony across from us made an appreciative noise.
“He is simply adorable.” She glanced up at me, “What is his name?”
“Marik.”
“Lovely.” The unicorn extended a hoof, which I grasped, noting the slight suction its underside exerted on my palm. “I am Rarity.” Her smile made her eyes sparkle. I inclined my head.
“It’s good to meet you, Rarity. My name is Theo, Theo Frost.” I released her hoof, gently placing my hand on Marik’s shoulder.
Rarity leaned back, stretching slightly. “So, what brings you to Equestria, Mr. Frost?”
“I’m moving here, actually. Marik and I are headed to our new home in Ponyville. We sent most of our luggage ahead already, so we could travel light.”
Rarity raised her eyebrows as I spoke. “What an interesting coincidence. I am a resident of Ponyville myself.” Her brow creased. “You must be moving into Smooth Sailing’s old house on the edge of town.”
“Yes, I believe that was the name. As I understand it, she was moving to Appleloosa to be nearer to her grandchildren.”
Rarity sighed, nodding. “Yes, she had a rather nasty spill outside Town Hall about a year ago. She hasn’t been the same since, poor dear. But let’s not dwell on such things. So, what do you do, Mr. Frost?”
“Well, I was training to be a biology teacher back on Earth. I’m not a certified educator yet. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure what it will entail, but I’m coming on as a teaching assistant at the Ponyville schoolhouse.”
“So you’ll be working with Cheerilee!” Rarity’s voice filled with warmth. “She is a wonderful mare. Nothing matters more to her than her students. I’m sure you’ll get along well.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
____
With a clatter and screech of steel, the train came to a stop, the conductor calling all Ponyville passengers to disembark. I shook Marik lightly as Rarity got up.
“Hey, kiddo, time to get up.” Marik grumbled and opened his eyes a crack. “We’re almost there. Just a little further.”
“Carry me?” Marik yawned before closing his eyes and snuggling back into my lap. Sighing, I shared a look with Rarity, who seemed to be suppressing a chuckle, and scooped the boy up, one arm under his shoulder, the other supporting his knees. He laid his head on my chest, and in a moment he was snoring lightly again.
“You, my friend, are wrapped around that child’s finger.” Rarity fell into step beside me as we exited. The train depot was small, and a few other ponies were greeting friends and family or grabbing luggage from the pile near the engine.
I looked down fondly at my only son. “You’re probably right, but at moments like this, I can’t bring myself to care.”
As we made our way out to the street, I realized that the directions to Smooth Sailing’s old house had been sitting on the seat beside Marik, and I had forgotten to stick it back in my pocket before leaving the train. I turned as the whistle blew and the train pulled away from the station. I bit back a curse, trying hard not to lose my temper in front of my future neighbor. Rarity picked up on my expression almost immediately. “Is everything alright, Mr. Frost?”
For a moment, I considered lying and saying I was fine, but the calm, pragmatic part of my brain soundly clubbed that thought and tied it up behind my hypothalamus. Struggling to keep my voice even, I said, “I forgot the directions.”
Rarity smiled graciously. “I’ll show you the way.”
I nodded, already feeling embarrassment creep into my chest. Despite struggling for 34 years, I still hadn’t gotten a handle on my anger. “Thank you,” I croaked, feeling heat rise in my cheeks. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“Don’t be silly,” Rarity admonished, leading me down the darkened avenue, “what sort of friend would I be if I left you here on your own, especially with a child?”
Recovering as best I could, I smiled weakly. The unicorn turned to look back at me. “If you want to do something to repay me, tell me a little more about yourself.”
“What would you like to know?” As we walked I made note of the street layout. The space between houses was much greater than I was used to, and the roads weren’t paved. It was like stepping back in time and dousing everything in vibrant colors. Rarity walked close beside me, occasionally nudging me around loose rocks I could trip on.
“Tell me something interesting - something not work-related. What do you enjoy doing in your leisure time?”
I cleared my throat, adjusting Marik, whose head was starting to slip backward. “I’ve always been fond of reading on my own - nonfiction, fantasy, science fiction. When Marik is around we go to parks, ride bikes together, swordfight in the back yard. Spending time with him is important to me since,” I swallowed, awkwardly changing direction, “coming to Tellus.”
Rarity led me across a moonlit bridge over a merrily bubbling stream. Her hooves clicked softly on the stone. “Will Marik be attending school with the fillies?”
“Yes, he’ll be starting in a few days.”
We turned down another street. Across the stream I could see Ponyville Town Hall, lights aglow despite the late hour. “He’ll be with my little sister, Sweetie Belle, then.”
“How are the children here? Are they accepting of new students?” I must have let some worry creep into my voice, because Rarity stopped, carefully examining my face. “I just… He’s always had a little trouble making friends, and I don’t want him to be unhappy here.”
Rarity smiled again, and I found myself relaxing even before she spoke. “He’ll be fine, Mr. Frost, have no fear.” She placed a hoof on my arm, gently steering me forward. “Come on.”
As we rounded another bend, the white unicorn spoke again. “Did you leave any family back on Earth?”
“Just my mother. My young brother and sister already live on Tellus. Believe it or not, my brother works for the US embassy in Canterlot, and my sister is a veterinarian in Hoofington.”
“Have you been to see them since you arrived?”
I shook my head. “No. They’re both quite busy, and we came by way of Manehattan.” Rarity nodded and we continued in silence for a few moments before she gestured towards a house on our left.
“Here we are, Mr. Frost.”
The house was modest-sized, with a painted green door, built of yellow stone and thatched with with some sort of soft-looking plant material that only vaguely resembled straw. The windows were pony height, framed in green, with little empty flower boxes beneath them. A tiny garden behind a low picket fence stood ready for planting. I felt my heart in my throat as tears prickled the corners of my eyes.
“We’re home, baby.”
Rarity touched my elbow, and I looked down, startled. For a moment I had forgotten she was there. I turned my head away quickly in an effort to hide my tears. With a fake cough, I approached the door. “Would you mind getting the door for me, Miss Rarity?”
The unicorn trotted up beside me, her horn glowing as the doorknob turned of its own accord. She stood in the door as I stepped into the living room, surveying our new home. Most of our belongings were still in boxes, but the sofa was pushed up against the far wall. Two doors in that back wall led to Marik’s and my bedrooms, and I could see the kitchen and bathroom set in the right wall. The left wall had a row of windows looking out over the little stream and the rolling hills beyond. I carried Marik into his room, the one further from the front door, noting that there was a short hallway connect our rooms as well. His bed had already been set up and made, and his favorite stuffed triceratops, Naomi, was perched next to his pillow. I silently thanked the movers as I gently placed him on the bed, pulling the sheets up to his chin. As I did this, his eyes fluttered open.
“I was on the beach with mom.” I bent over and kissed him on the forehead, trying to hide my tears.
“Were you having fun?” I asked huskily, unable to swallow the lump in my throat.
“Yeah.” He blinked sleepily. “Is it okay if I go back there for a little while?”
My heart thudded hard, and I had to compose myself for a moment. “Yeah, go ahead, sweetheart. I’ll see you in the morning.” Marik nodded and snuggled down into his sheets. I stood up, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand.
“I love you, dad.”
I turned at the door. “I love you, too, son. Sleep tight.”
Rarity was waiting on the threshold at the front door. I approached her, donning my best smile, hoping she would miss my tearstained cheeks. Her eyes searched my face, sympathetic and concerned. “How long?” She asked, without preamble. I knew what she was asking.
“Six months.” I sniffed, liquid leaking down my face again. “It’s been hard. That’s why I moved here… Everything reminded me of her.” I shook my head, tiny droplets falling away from my face. “But even here, it still hurts.” I covered my eyes, embarrassed by my weakness.
Two soft forelegs wrapped around my shoulders, drawing me into a warm embrace. I pressed my face into the white fur of her neck, stifling my sobs. She held me there for several minutes, gently stroking my hair and humming softly, until I recovered enough to take a shaky breath.
“Thank you.” My voice was thick, and I had no doubt my eyes were red and swollen.
“Think nothing of it, my dear.” Rarity wiped a hoof across my cheek. “If there’s anything I can do, please don’t hesitate to ask.” She dropped down from the reared position she'd taken to embrace me as she turned to leave. I caught her hoof in my hand, embarrassment welling in me again. She waited patiently for me to find my voice, which was in a sorry state when I located it.
“Could you stay?” I asked quietly. “Just for a little while? I don't want to be alone right now.”
Rarity nodded and allowed me to lead her into the living room.
We talked for a long while, what seemed like hours, and I mostly maintained my composure. We discussed Ponyville, primarily the mares closest to Rarity. I showed her photographs from my son’s birthday and my anniversary. We didn't touch on painful subjects until I happened across a picture of my wife standing beside a wizened old tree on a rocky hillside. She wore an easy smile, her flaming red hair cascading down her shoulders. Her left hand rested against the millennia old trunk, while her right was on the back of her neck, fingers in her mane. I had caught her in an organic moment, free of any self-consciousness or worry. This was my favorite picture of her, and I looked down on the burnished wood frame, a hollow ache in my heart.
“What was she like?”
I sighed, awash in grief once more. “Pure. Every moment with her was an expression of truth. There was no subterfuge between us, we just… were.” I drew a shaky breath. “Even when she was angry, I never had to guess why. Even when I was at my worst, she still loved me. I could have searched for a hundred years and never met another woman like her.”
I allowed Rarity to put a foreleg around my shoulders and draw me to her chest. I let my cheek rest against her neck, feeling the corded muscles flex beneath her soft fur. I murmured something, but it didn't quite come out coherently, and by the time I uttered it I had forgotten its original intent. Rarity’s voice lulled me into exhausted, dreamless sleep.
“She seems nice.” My wife's voice breathed close to my ear. I reached out and touched her cheek, running my hand along her familiar jaw. Sweet lips pressed against mine, soft but firm. “I never thought it would be a mare I found you snuggled up against.”
“It's not like that-” I began before her lips interrupted me again.
“I know, baby. I appreciate her being here for you, since… you know.”
I did know. “I'm sorry, dovelet.” I felt her eyes on me. “I came here sort of hoping to forget you. Missing you hurts so much, and part of me wishes it would just stop, even if that meant not remembering the good times.”
“You won't forget me.” She kissed my forehead. “I know you. You're not the type to forget. Just be sure you really know before you move on. I don't want this lovely girl to just be your rebound mare.” I opened my mouth to protest. “I won't forgive you if you just jump into bed with anyone, mister. Now, sleep while you can.”
And I did.
Author's Note
Thanks for reading, dear reader. I don't know if I'll continue this particular foray into fan fiction, but I'm curious as to where this might go. Technical and creative feedback are welcome.
Author's Note
Hi, readers! So, here's what I'm planning on doing. I will update this story with a certain degree of regularity, but I'm going to keep the complete tag on. Originally I was going to do a bunch of standalone stories, but grouping them as chapters of a story seems more economical. If anyone thinks I should make them into separate stories, let me know. I hope you enjoy.
The following contains some platonic affection and cuddles, discussion of misogyny, and icebreakers. You've been warned.
A Long Afternoon
Sweat poured down my face and neck, staining a dark ring around my T-shirt collar as I grunted with exertion, trying to hold up the broken gutter with my shoulder and reattach it using a hammer and nails. It was going poorly, and my wafer-thin patience had long ago been shattered into tiny shards of frustration. I swore profusely through clenched teeth, tottering on the stepladder as another nail slithered through my slippery fingers and tumbled into the grass below. My anger got the best of me and I threw down my work. The water chute bent as it hit the ground. The box of nails was upended off the stepladder, sprinkling its contents into the bushes. I looked down at the little disaster, then sat on the bottom step and buried my face in the crook of my arm.
My neck hurt, my shoulders ached, and the dull throb in my temples told me I was probably dehydrated. The sun had heated my hair into a sweaty helmet that clung to scalp and itched dreadfully. I leaned back and stretched my legs out in front of me, eyes still covered, rolling my shoulders in an effort to ease the tension. As I turned my head to the side, feeling my vertebrae pop, I let my eyes open once again, but instead of an unoccupied front lawn a yellow-furred pony chest confronted my entirely unprepared face. I started, upsetting my stepladder enough that it bucked me into the bushes.
“Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry! Are you alright?” The voice that tumbled through the bush after me was quite possibly the softest, most inoffensive one I'd ever heard. Two yellow hooves plunged through the greenery and offered themselves to me. I took hold of one and pulled myself up into a sitting position. The hoof belonged to a pegasus, big eyes contrite, her pink mane almost covering her face, the hint of a blush visible beneath the yellow fur on her cheeks. “I didn’t mean to startle you! I was just trying to think of a way to get your attention!”
“Well, you have it.” Something tickled my memory. “Your name’s Fluttershy, right?” My face twisted into a lopsided grin as her mouth fell open. “Rarity told me about you the night I moved in.” As I got to my feet, brushing needles off my thighs, I realized she was shaking slightly. “What’s -” and then I remembered, too late, that many ponies aren’t used to smiles with teeth, which I had just given her. Now it was my turn to be contrite. “Oh, da- shoot, I’m sorry. I forgot about the whole… teeth… thing…” I cursed myself quietly, “What a way to greet a new neighbor.” I composed myself. “May I start over?”
“It’s okay, I’m a little nervous myself.” Fluttershy seemed to have gotten ahold of the shakes, though her breathing was still a little uneven. She proffered a hoof. “My name is Fluttershy… wait, you already knew that…” Her blush returned, and she looked away. I gently took her hoof in my hand, giving it a light squeeze.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Fluttershy.” I smiled, keeping my teeth behind my lips this time, “My name is Theo Frost.”
“It's nice to meet you, Theo.” There was a pause, during which our eyes met. I was struck by how vibrant her irises were, they reminded me of polished malachite. After a few long moments that didn't feel as awkward as I might have expected, she seemed to shake herself. “Oh, um… I know you're new in town, and it seems like you're having some trouble with… this,” she gestured to the twisted metal, “so, um, maybe you'd like to take a break and go for a short walk… um, with me?” The last two words were almost a whisper. I felt her hoof shake a tiny bit, and realized I was still holding it. I hastily released her, feeling a blush of my own build. I cleared my throat, considering.
“Fluttershy, I accept your gracious offer with great gusto and fervor.” I swept off an imaginary cap and bent double, one forearm laid over my stomach, my left leg extended back. It would have been quite elegant, had I not kicked the stepladder, tangling up my ankle between the risers. As it was I wound up hopping on one foot, a strange 'off-balance’ noise escaping my lips.
“Oh, dear!” Fluttershy caught me, rearing up on her hind legs to keep me from toppling. “Are you-” she stopped abruptly as I dissolved in giggles, caught up in the absurdity of my situation. After a moment she joined me, our laughter intensifying as I hopped again. Another bounce combined with our mirth brought me down on my side, Fluttershy falling on top of me.
“Sorry,” I managed to gasp out. For some reason I had degenerated into a slap-happy fifth grader. Just as it seemed like we were winding down, our eyes met and the laughter burst out again.
“Whoo!” I huffed, some decades later, wiping tears from my eyes, “Oh, my sides hurt.” Fluttershy snickered, and I had to stifle another cackle. She looked up at me, both of us breathing heavily. As I craned my neck to meet her gaze, I became aware of her chest pressed against my side and of the foreleg thrown across my torso. I coughed a little, “Boy, I must have looked ridiculous.”
Fluttershy smiled, “That was pretty funny.” The ice seemed to have cracked between us, as she made no move to get off me. “It was really nice to hear you laugh.”
“It felt good.” I smiled broadly, taking a deep breath, “I think I really needed that. Thank you for sharing this with me.” A thought crossed my mind. “I don't want this to sound accusatory, but have you been waiting to hear me laugh?”
Fluttershy shook her head, blowing a lock of pink hair out of her face. “Not really waiting, no. It's just that I’ve seen you around Ponyville a few times, and you've never looked very happy, so it's good to see this side of you.” She seemed much more relaxed than before.
“What, my manic side?” Fluttershy giggled at this, and we nearly lost it again. As I lay there, looking up at the sky, I became aware that I was gently running my fingers through the soft yellow fur of her barrel, near her shoulder. “Sorry!” I pulled my hand away quickly. “Sorry, I didn't realize I was doing that.”
“What? Oh!” Fluttershy appeared to be just as surprised at this discovery. “Oh, I should probably get off you!” She scrambled to her hooves, offering me a foreleg to pull myself up.
“Well,” I brushed off my backside, then rubbed my hands together, “how about that walk?”
___
Fluttershy and I walked in silence for some time, our feet and hooves carrying us away from my house and to the outskirts of town. Rolling fields spread out like thick green towels left to dry in the sun. Ponyville and the surrounding countryside were quite breathtaking when you stopped to admire them.
The silence between us was not uncomfortable, on the contrary, it felt natural and easy. I didn't feel any pressing need to speak; the mere presence of Fluttershy's hoofsteps was calming and reassuring. Every so often she would gently nudge me in a direction, which I expected myself to find annoying, and was pleasantly surprised when I didn't. I paid a little more attention and quickly drew a comparison between this and my first walk home with Rarity.
“Fluttershy, do you mind if I ask something?”
I felt her eyes on me. “Go ahead, Theo.”
“The first night I was here Rarity walked me home. She did the same thing you've been doing - nudging me to the side when I might trip over something.” I saw her flush and open her mouth, so I hurried on. “I’m just curious if that's some kind of cultural thing, I'm not objecting.”
Fluttershy nodded, blush fading. “It's good manners for a mare to watch where a stallion is walking. I guess it's a little old fashioned, I don't think being polite ever goes out of style.”
“Interesting… do you hold doors for stallions, help them into carriages, that sort of thing?”
Fluttershy nodded, “Usually. It's a little different for unicorns, since their magic makes tasks like that easier. Also, if a stallion is of a particularly high class, those rules don't apply. I mean, not everypony follows the same rules, of course, but that's what I was taught.”
I allowed myself to ruminate on this for a few long moments. “The parallels between our worlds are uncanny. The society I grew up in has had a level of benevolent sexism towards women for centuries - and in some cases, decidedly malevolent sexism. There is still a pay equity gap between men and women, even after a half-century of campaigning for equality.”
“Oh, gosh, I didn't even consider that I might be being sexist!” Fluttershy stopped and put a hoof to her mouth. “I hope I didn't offend you.”
“No, no, I'm not offended. Truth be told, I kind of like what you're doing. It's nice to be given a little consideration every once in awhile.” I felt my cheeks flaring. “I imagine it'd be quite different if every time someone did something like that you were reminded that your society looked at you as less capable.”
Fluttershy stopped abruptly, and I didn't notice right away. When I turned back she was looking at me, but something in her eyes wasn't focused. After a few seconds she came back to Tellus, smiling at me again.
“That's a very good point, Theo. I hadn't thought of it that way before.” She returned to my side as we continued down the path. “Do you think all stallions feel that way?”
“No. That would depend greatly on their perspective, I think. Do all stallions in your society experience some level of sexism? I can't say for sure, but if the parallels between our worlds hold, I would guess they all do.” We came to a narrow brook spanned by a line of flat stone discs, and I paused at the edge. “On my world, we have a word for systemic sexism - misogyny.” I stepped onto the first stone, wobbling a little as I found my balance. “In its most heinous form, misogyny becomes sexual harassment or violence.” Fluttershy placed a hoof on my side, steadying me. “Thank you. The problem isn't treating women with extra consideration, but it can be the foundation for more damaging beliefs,” I hopped to the next stone, “that women are inferior to men, that women can't function without men, that men deserve the right to control women, that women are just things, not people.” I reached the far bank, only then realizing Fluttershy had been hovering beside me for the crossing. She landed and together we climbed the short hill on the other side. “My conclusion is that small acts of kindness are never wrong, but I always try to be mindful of the spirit in which I perform them. This is the part where I get self-conscious, because I've been talking a lot.”
“Oh, that's okay. I've enjoyed listening.” Fluttershy stopped in the shade of a big tree. I leaned against the bark, sliding down into a sitting position. Fluttershy joined me, tucking her front legs beneath her chest. “I don't think things are quite the same here, but I haven't spent much time thinking about it. I spend most of my time with animals.”
I nodded, anxious to get her talking. “Correct me if I'm wrong, you're a veterinarian?” I said the last word slowly, syllable by syllable, inflecting upward into a squeaky conclusion. Fluttershy chuckled softly.
“Sort of. I house a lot of animals in my home, and I run an adoption agency for pets. I am trained in first aid, emergency care, and long term rehabilitation, but I think animal health is more than just that. It's providing a loving home, giving them a nutritious diet, letting them exercise both mentally and physically. It's a full time job.”
“It certainly sounds like it!” I leaned back against the tree. “What sort of animals do you tend to?”
“Birds, squirrels, rabbits, ferrets, cats, bears, bats, bugs, seals, spiders, and beavers are the most common ones, but I’d never turn away any animal in need if I could help it.” Fluttershy rattled off the list without any hint of pride, and seemed a little surprised to see my jaw hanging open.
“How do you possibly have time to do anything else?” I felt dizzy just thinking about the sheer weight of that responsibility.
“Well, it's not like they need me every second of the day. Most of the work comes from organizing their schedules and sticking to them. In a few hours I’ll need to start getting them settled in for bed, but until then I'm free.”
I stifled a yawn. The tree was quite comfortable, much to my surprise, and the afternoon heat was making me a bit drowsy. “Thank you,” I smiled at her, meeting those radiant eyes once more, “for spending your afternoon with me. I think I really needed this.”
“You're very welcome, Theo.” Fluttershy looked out across the meadow before us as the wind drew ripples in the grass. “You know, it's funny, but I was actually quite scared of you at first. It seems a bit silly now that we've spent some time together, but I almost couldn't bring myself to say hello.”
“I'm glad you did.” I stretched my legs, feeling the joints pop. “I'd probably still be wrestling that water chute. You saved me from an afternoon of suffering.” I couldn't hide my next yawn. “I'm forever in your debt.”
A comfortable silence descended, during which I felt my eyelids droop. A light breeze ruffled my hair.
“Fluttershy?”
“Mmm?” She seemed to be under the same influence as I.
“I'm just going to close my eyes for a minute. I’ll -” I'm not sure if I ever completed that sentence.
___
When my eyes cracked open, the sun was low in the sky, casting long amber and mauve shadows. The wind had taken a turn for the cool, so much so I was surprised I wasn't shivering. The reason, I discovered, was I had my head pillowed on Fluttershy’s barrel, and her foreleg was hooked around my shoulders and across my chest. My hand gently held her hoof. I felt oddly peaceful, feeling the rise and fall of the pegasus’ steady breathing.
As nice as this was, I should probably get up. The sun was low, and the gutter still needed fixing. “Fluttershy?” I whispered. My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat. “Fluttershy?” She stirred, tightening her grip on my chest and then stretching with a wide yawn.
“Hey, Theo.” She blinked sleepily down at me. Suddenly her eyes shot open. “Oh, no! What time is it? I still haven’t gotten everyone ready for bed!” We scrambled to our feet. “I need to get home! Oh, goodness!” She started to take off, then turned back to me, eyes worried. “Can you get home without me? I don’t want to rush off, but the animals really need me.”
“Go. I’ll be okay. And thank you again.” I flashed her a smile, which she returned before darting off into the dusk.
__
My walk home was brisk. The sweat on my body had cooled and evaporated, leaving me chilly and slightly damp, and by the time I reached the front gate of my little yard I my teeth were chattering. I was going to dart inside and grab a jacket when I was brought up short. The gutter was fixed.
I stood for a moment on the threshold, contemplating this miracle, then was driven inside by my desire for warmth and a snack.