Splitting aMid the Night

The demon had taken on a truly hideous form, but suppressing any survival instincts still left in her, Midnight stared it down, making the unreal unicorn vanish out of her sight. Out of her sight, but not out of her mind. From there, it kept whispering.

Make us whole, Midnight!

She was overwhelmed with a throbbing headache. Slowly, she trotted back inside, then collapsed onto her bed. Her legs wouldn't hold her.

Let me tell you a riddle. No, more of a story. You're waiting for a train, a train that will take you far away. You know where you hope the train will take you, but you can't be sure. But it doesn't matter because we'll be one.

Leave me alone!

Midnight twisted and turned, messing up the sheets.

You're as alone as you have ever been. You were right. Nopony cares about you. How about you go back out and don't grab the ledge this time?

Am I crazy?

It was only ever so slightly, but Midnight felt her pain slowly lessen. Perhaps she could end this madness if it went away and she could think clearly.

Let's see. Personality split, check. Attempted suicide, check. Hallucinations... check. That's three symptoms that would qualify you as insane each on their own.

Maybe I should go see a psychiatrist. Do you know what they'd do? They'd ask questions about Daylight. Then, when the conversation turns towards you, they'd notice how messed up my mind is, and give me medications to constantly subdue you. Do you want that?

If they don't just outright put us in a white box.

They can get more money off of me if they don't. Because that's what really steers everypony. Greed. Coupled with a few survival instincts. Why do you exist? Dealing with Mother any other way would have cost me time and effort I couldn't spare. That's why.

That's why you're trying to kill yourself, because you're following your survival instincts? Great logic.

I don't know! You... you are making me do all of this stuff. For reasons I don't even know, even though I am supposed to be you! That's why I'm sticking with my theory of extern intrusion, demon.

This was all so unreal. Midnight felt better with every passing minute. If only she could focus for one second, she would be able to push Noon back where she belonged.

Blame it on me if you wish. I can't stop you, but know, it is not me. I didn't push the shell off the edge. I didn't project myself into our vision. Your brain has finally snapped into madness, filly.

Lies! This is all not real. Just an illusion of you. I know it isn't reality. It can't be...

In the end, can I hide anything from you? Oh, well, you blacked out right after jumping. By yourself, I might add. Ever considered you're drooling into a hospital pillow right now, knocked out, if not worse? That'd explain all of this, wouldn't it. Or you simply are insane and this IS reality... with a few additions.

I... I don't know what to believe any more. Go away. Wake me up. Do SOMETHING to end this. I can't take it.

As her head began to clear up, Midnight searched for ways out of this mess. If this was a dream... or she had gone mad... maybe the solution to both possibilites was what had once worked before. Midnight began to focus as hard as she could on one image, that image that she hated and loved equally. Loved for and above every other thing in the world, hated for binding her to this world.

Oh no. You're not getting away with cheating.

Noon demonstrated unknown influence over Midnight as she wiped Sparkle's face out of her memory. No matter how hard she concentrated, Midnight couldn't remember how her beloved friend looked. She couldn't remember how her voice sounded, how her presence made Midnight feel.

In my world, we're playing by my rules. If we are not in here, by which I mean if you had the sense to catch yourself, then we're close enough to still count as if we were. Watch.

Midnight's body rose without her wanting to and walked over to the window. Out there, Canterlot literally exploded into a cloud of multicolored smoke. The rainbow was quickly approaching her house, but Midnight couldn't move.

She didn't want to, either. The colors consumed and scorched her on every bit of skin available, literally making the blood that was trying to escape her burnt body boil, but she welcomed them. At last it would end for her. But, when the smoke had cleared, both Canterlot and Midnight still stood unharmed.

Could at least have acted like you were afraid.

Even if I was still able to feel fear, I wouldn't be afraid of death. He shall come. No point in running away. But why should I try to run from an impostor? You are worthless.

We am you. But we agree. This body is useless. Maybe if you'd sacrifice it, you'd be rewarded with a more useful shell.

What is your motivation? Why are you doing this? I have every reason to desire death. Daylight... nopony cares about me.

Everything you hope to become, everything you hold dear, it's already gone. Our life is pointless.

Answer my questions!

What is a pony but the sum of its memories? We are the stories we live! The stories we tell ourselves!

I refuse to live out those memories, especially under your influence. There's a reason you were created.

It is the only way. If you don't get at peace with yourself, your occasional outbursts of insanity are only going to get worse, until you fail to control it quickly enough and don't grab the edge. I'm saving your life, idiot!

As I said, if He's trying to get me, He shall come! There's no use in running away.

You're not running away, you're standing still right now. But if this goes uncured, you're going into a full sprint into the Reaper's waiting arms.

So what should I do? Get myself filled up with drugs because those self-proclaimed specialists are only waiting for me to leave and give them tons of money?

Do something! You always avoid the uncomfortable, but even the darkest memory fades when openly confronted. You're on a mountain, Celestia knows there's enough ways for your past to have fatal consequences. Neither of us wants to die. Please, Midnight. Repression isn't a permanent solution. Do something about it!

I... I can't. The last - first - time I lived through all of this, I WENT INSANE! You are the proof. How do I know I'll even survive the second time?

You won't if you don't. At least accept what has happened to you. You're a mare now. I'm sorry, but you have to remember it all at once, if you won't get some real help. You should be in a hospital right now, mumbling nonsense and biting on your hoof. Can't you see what comes if you lose concentration for one moment?

Midnight managed to regain enough control over her body to slowly move away from the window she was still looking out through.

I don't need this. I can control all of this. I can control... you!

Filly, don't be silly. Your mind, it's... broken.

Broken? I feel fine.

So did I!

If I can't fix it, they can't either. Understand that!

You aren't fixing it, you're leaving the problem to grow. How is that fixing?

There is no way to 'fix' this. If I do anything other than completely push this out of my mind, it'll continue to consume me.

Two problems. One, we believe that it is very well possible to disperse the horror by confrontation. We're so stubborn, aren't you? Two, you can't forget it! It's way too far down in your memory to ever leave you.

I'll do what has worked before.

And almost led to your death. That reminds me of how we still don't know if it was only almost. We should figure that out. It won't work because you're a wide open target as soon as anything reminds you of her. You can't repress a people for decades and not expect a revolution. We. Need. Help!

But who? Where? When? How? I'd have to explain EVERYTHING to Dad. I don't have time for psychological treatment. Can't it wait?

For how long?

I don't know... forever. Doesn't that sound nice?

You'll kill yourself, Midnight. I swear to Celestia, you'll fly off the side of this mountain before you're even done.

How come I've never had such thoughts without you? Everything will be just fine when I get rid of you. I know that.

Midnight started to empty her mind. With much discipline, she'd be able to prevent Noon from coming back in.

Oh, I see. You're more, yet you are so dumb. Mark my words.

Silence. She couldn't hear anything. At last Midnight had some peace. She looked around to make sure everything looked as it had to. As far as she could see, there were no more hallucinations. Suddenly, she heard a series of bleeps inside her head. Short short, pause, short long, long long... From her knowledge of the Morse code, they spelled three words.

"I AM ALIVE." She whispered them over and over again. After the third repetition, the initial message ceased, replaced by a shorter one. Short long long... "Sixteen. What's that supposed to mean?"

There was no answer. Silence, at long last. Or Noon had simply decided to hide. Midnight didn't know. There was nothing she could be certain about any more. She walked downstairs and outside. Looking up into the sky, she noticed there was a lot to think about.