A very Cheesy Christmas!

by The Shade

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Other, Random, Sex, Human
Length: 1170

Glorious Leader visits Equestria in his quest for cheetos.

Glorious Leader visits Equestria by mistake because he broke the fourth dimension.
Co~oped with Horny Horse.

Reading by Sphere Heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8Y_sPjkh-4&t=1s&ab_channel=SphereHeart

Published 2016-12-26 22:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-26 22:40:01 UTC

Glorious Leader

Author's Note

I don't know. Don't ask.

Glorious Leader

T'was a smelly christmas morning. The wad of fat had just rolled out of his bed and was merrily making his way down the stairs, ignoring the creaking of the overburdened metal. Upon entering his lair of comfort, the kitchen, he discovered a shocking revelation; They were out of cheetos. He cried for his mother, but there were no response. Desperate, the wad of fat hobbled up the stairs, barely able to breathe from the exhaustion It took out of him. His arms were too tired to open the door, so he merely walked into It until the wall collapsed. Kicking the rubble out of the way, he found his trusty, 1871 Underwear that he had inherited from his grandfather's grandfather, whom in turn stole them from a hobo in a dumpster cage-fight.

But, alas, our dear hero realized that he couldn't waddle to the store with his chest bare, so he swallowed his pride, bent over, put the underwear on, and pulled It up to his own chin. On his way out the door, he realizes that, as the group leader of the anonymous hacking group, he couldn't show his face in public. He fell on the floor in despair, and started rolling to his parent's bedroom, where they had confiscated his black and gold Anonymous mask.
Coming up from the roll, a bunch of doghair had attached to his greasy blonde head in the shape of a fedora; And that's how he knew, that the time was right for some cheetos.
He sneaks past his sleeping father, after all, he's groggy If he's waken up mid-noon.

Sneaking around with the grace of an elephant of bathsalts, our anonymous hero managed to sneak his rightful kingmask off of the top shelf, where It was hidden - But not to the great anonymous leader! He considered stealing some cash, but as the anonymous leader, surely no one would dare to oppose him in his free-samples of cheetos.
As quietly as a meteor crashing into an active volcano, he sneaked out the door. He didn't want his mother to worry, so he shat on the floor before leaving, so she'dd know that he would be back shortly. Surely, she would notice the lack of cheetos in the poo and realize where he went.
The house he did indeed leave, and he was shocked to breathe unfilitered air. How dare they, forcing glorious anonymous king-leader to breathe this peasant air.
With a huff, he started making his way down the misty highway. He did look out for traffic, as the incoming trucks were crushed under his mere pressence and odor.
He spreads his legs wide and begins his national glorious leader-march, letting his balls swing freely.
The town realized what was happening as he was about five miles away, when the odor hit them; The smell of unwashed, greasy hair, body-odor of unkempt kind and a very distinctive smell of mountain dew with cheeto flavour.
The townsfolk was in panic, they knew something must be done, and from the speed that glorious leader was moving at, they had 'til morning sun.
They called up the police, but they were powerless to stop his march. In a full three hours, he managed to move almost a mile. They were shocked, and now the ground started vibrating every other second, and the odor was so strong that all the plantlife in the area had died.
He knew that time was short; Mother would soon wake up. With a roar that only a retard on speed could create, he started charging. The police yelled at him to stop, having just come out of their cars, but It was too late. He opened his arms, and he let the odor flow. The police shot in a panic, but all It did was add to the mass that was glorious leader.
In shock, they threw their guns and started running, but It too only added to the mass of glorious leader.
The shop was in sight for glorious leader now, and with the shriek of a T-Rex losing his anal virginity to a jetplane, he started to charge.
Of course, for those observing glorious leader's bodymass, he was only going at walking speeds! But, Glorious Leader realized that he would not get there in time. So he stopped and pulled out a piece of greasy paper and started writing something with his own feces.
Thinking quickly, Glorious Leader manages to break into the fourth dimension with a complex formula that no ordinary human would even comprehend.
In the fourth dimension, he began going super-sanic, but sadly, he went too fast. He colided with the world, and the world was consumed.
Suddenly, he world imploded, and he found himself in a colourful land filled with happiness. His sensitive, fine-tuned nose sniffed the air when a realization set in on him; There were no cheetos to be found.

He started sweating, animals dying by the thousands in mere miliseconds from his arrival.
Meanwhile, Celestia was about to invent Cheetos, when she felt the tremor of space-time colliding, erupting and then ejaculating something into their world.
Something that had no business being here.
In a panic, she realized what was happening, and whispered "No... It can not be... The End Times has come."
Her voice was quiet as ten mice on an elephant, and the odor hit her. Her superior durability was nothing as her untrained senses were overwhelmed, and her brain imploded on the spot.

The man was in the now-dead woods and he had fashioned his greasy dogshit fedora into a much fancier squirrel trillby.
Ponyville had already burnt to the ground in the pressence of the glorious ones arrival, and all the inhabitants either succumbed to his greasiness, or melted.
Millions are dead, earthquakes are shaking what's left of the population, the dragons have all gone insane from the mere thought of his glorious pressence.
"No... CHEEEEEEEETOOOOOOOOS!" He roars to the skies and takes a deep breath, bending forwards. The gurgling of his insides Is heard all across the universe, and far away, on an alien planet, a family of five gathers in their living room and looks to the source of the sound. The children are crying, the husband Is holding his wife tight, and they say "We will leave this world... Together."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!" With the sound of space-time permanently being devoured and then destroyed, the universe collapses unto Itself. There's more than a gazillion deaths in just a blink of an eye, God Is dead. Long live Anonymous.
As the fart finishes, he feels another gurgling. "Oh... Too many... Cheetos!" He roars, and a new universe forces Its way out from between his buttocks, a universe where Anonymous Is God. Long live Anonymous.
The Glorious King Anonymous The True God turns to you, Viewer, and tips his greasy fedora with a smile of rotten teeth, and whispers "I'll be seeing you... Tonight, M'lady."